


Start of Something Good

by tricia_16



Series: The Place Where I Belong [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Communication is The New Porn, Crazy Ex-Husband, Dean Owns A Gym, Dean is a Sweetheart, Explicit Sexual Content, Gay Sex, Graphic Description of Past Sexual Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, M/M, Mention of past cheating, Openly Gay Dean Winchester, Single Parent Castiel, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-02-04 20:17:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 184,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12778707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tricia_16/pseuds/tricia_16
Summary: Dean Winchester is introduced to his new neighbor, Castiel, and his daughter, Claire, in an unexpected way. When an unlikely connection forms between Dean and Claire it also helps to push Castiel and Dean closer together. But Castiel has been hurt badly in the past and it's up to Dean to prove to Castiel that he can be trusted with both his daughter and his heart, even when outside sources try to make Castiel believe differently...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have a beta this time, so please send your love to [Becky](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinkmink/pseuds/Pinkmink) for helping me out with this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> [](https://imgur.com/jy4XUDx)

It’s three o’clock.

In the morning.

It’s three o’clock in the morning and Dean Winchester is wide awake.

Most of the time, if he’s awake at three in the morning it’s because he’s mid-fuck during a middle of the night round two. Occasionally, he’s awake at three o’clock in the morning just having some fun with his buddies playing poker or bingeing Star Wars with Charlie for the fiftieth time. Rarely, he’s been woken up by neighbors over the years due to some overly loud sex (he’s actually reaped the benefits of a good jerk off session because of it a time or two). Even more occasionally, he wakes up around three o’clock in the morning to take a leak.

But never in his wildest dreams did he think he would be wide awake at three o’clock in the morning because of a screaming brat.

He’s seen the little blonde kid in the hallway a few times over the last week or so with who he assumes is her dad. Dean’s also noticed her running around at the park - or running the best she can anyway, with her over-sized toddler head making it hard to stay balanced. He’d even thought she was cute at the time. At around a year old by his best guess, she’s at the really cute in-between baby and toddler stage.

And her dad? Even cuter. In a totally different, not at all the same kinda way. But still. Cute.

But now?

That’s gotta be his kid screaming at the top of her fucking lungs next door.

It’s been 33 minutes so far.

Not that he’s counting.

(Okay, yeah, he's counting.  _It’s three in the morning!_ )

And he’s losing his damn mind. Which explains why he’s already pulled a ratty t-shirt over his head and is currently stuffing his feet into a pair of socks and is about to walk over to the neighbor’s house in his pajama pants at three in the morning to tell him to get his damn kid to shut the hell up!

He leaves his door unlocked behind him and walks the short distance down the hall to the guy’s door and lifts his hand to knock.

The screaming only gets louder when the door opens. Dean’s momentarily struck stupid by the sight of the bare chested man standing in front of him. Based on the few glances he's gotten of him, he wasn’t expecting his body to be so lithe. And his hair? He’s obviously been running his hands through it because it’s sticking up in every which way, and even though Dean knows it’s likely due to frustration, it kinda looks like he was just getting his face fucked. And holy shit, _there’s_ an image. And those eyes. Just... wow. Who knew blue eyes could be  _that_ blue? Even as tired and bloodshot as they are, the blue is _so bright_.

“Can I help you?” the man asks rather rudely. Or maybe that’s just the natural low tone of his voice. He’s got the little girl in his arms, and her face is red and blotchy with tears streaming down both sides of her face and snot down to her lip.

“I’m tryin’ to sleep, man,” Dean says, pitching his voice louder to ensure it can be heard over the kid’s screaming.

“That makes two of us,” the man answers.

Dean hears a door open down the hall and another dude pops his head out of the apartment and yells, “ _Shut the damn door!”_

The man with the baby grips Dean by the t-shirt and pulls him inside before he slams the door shut behind him. If it’s at all possible, the yelling is even louder inside the apartment with the door closed.

“What’s up with her?” he asks, gesturing to the baby.

“She has an ear infection,” the man answers wearily. “Listen, I know I don’t know you, but I’ve seen you around often enough to be fairly certain you’re probably not a serial killer. I’ve been needing to use the bathroom for approximately two hours now, but everytime I try to put her down she screams even more insistently and even _I_ can’t urinate while holding a screaming toddler.”

“Dude, TMI,” Dean says, wondering why the hell he’s telling him all this.

The man glares at him, and even though he looks grouchy as fuck, the glower still kinda gets  _little Dean’s_ attention.

“Can you please hold her for one minute while I use the bathroom?” the man asks. “I will still be able to hear her, and you, and I’ll know if something is wrong.” The man seems to be saying that more to himself than Dean, and before Dean even has a chance to respond to such a weird statement, he’s shoving the kid into his arms. Dean’s hands come up automatically to grab a hold of her so she doesn’t fall.

It’s been years since Dean has held a kid this small. He usually avoids the little ones at work because they’re just so fragile looking. He hitches the kid onto his hip and starts swaying back and forth on his feet in a desperate attempt at soothing her. Rocking’s a thing for a reason, right? The kid is still screaming, but she’s also looking up at Dean with these big, blue eyes, wide with confusion.

Dean tries charming her with a smile, and there’s a split second where the kid’s breath hitches and it sounds like she inhales some snot.

Awesome. Still better than screaming, though.

He takes advantage of the silence and says, “Hello there, little cutie. You’ve got quite a set of pipes on ya for such a little thing, don’t ya?” Her breath hitches again, and now instead of screaming she’s kinda making this low whining sound in her throat.

Dean’ll take it.

“You’re not exactly the kinda thing that usually has me up this late, you know? You sure are pretty though. Yes, you are,” he adds, smiling again when she blinks at him and, shockingly, the whining comes to a stop. “My name is Dean. We can be friends if you shut the hell up for five seconds,” he says still smiling, but then he’s suddenly distracted by the snot all over her face. He’d _really_ rather not get any of that on him.

Dean flicks his eyes around for something to wipe the kid’s nose with and spots a box of Kleenex on top of the TV stand. The kid in his arms backs her face away as Dean’s hand moves closer with the Kleenex. “I’m gonna getchya,” he says teasingly with a big smile on his face. “Oh yes I am. I’m gonna getchya! I’m gonna get that little nose!” he teases, and when he gets a half a smile from the kid, he dives in with the Kleenex and wipes her nose quickly. She tries to pull away and Dean feels some dampness through the Kleenex on his fingers. “Aw, kid, c’mon! That’s _disgusting_! Yuck!” She just giggles in response.

He looks back at her and raises his eyebrows. Her eyes are still glistening with unshed tears but she has a tentative smile on her face. “Really? You think it’s funny that you just snotted all over the nice stranger’s fingers?” he asks her, equally amused. If he was her, he’d probably think it was funny, too, he chuckles to himself. “Well, joke’s on you kid. Next time I need a Kleenex I’m just gonna wipe my boogers all over your pink little jammies instead. What do you think about that, huh?” She blinks up at him again. She probably has no idea what he’s saying. “Like this,” he says, and then he leans in so his face is on her shoulder and rubs his nose against it vigorously, shaking his head back and forth.

She dissolves into giggles this time and Dean backs away to take a look at the smile on her face. Her eyes are almost as pretty as her dad’s, he thinks absentmindedly. “We’ll see how funny you think it is when it’s my snot all over _you,_ ” Dean reminds her. Like she knows exactly what he’s talking about, she reaches out to take the dirty Kleenex from his hands and stretches her tiny little arm up towards his face. He realizes what she’s about to do about a split second before she’s able to touch his face and balks. He turns his head away quickly and says, “No way, kid! You are _not_ wiping my nose with your snotty Kleenex.”

She giggles again but lets her hand drop. When he turns back towards her, her hand comes up again, and again, Dean dodges it and she laughs a third time. “Hey!” he complains, which only makes her laugh again. “You little troublemaker,” he accuses her, getting a hold of her little wrist. “I’m onto you,” he warns her, and then he tickles her round belly and she throws her head back on a squeal. He sees the Kleenex fall to the ground and he just barely manages to get a hand between her shoulders before she throws herself backwards and completely out of his arms.

“Hey, what the hell? I almost dropped you, you little contortionist!” When he gets her upright in his arms again, her thin blonde hair falls over her forehead and into her eyes, and Dean reaches up to brush it out of the way. She tilts her head to the side, looking at him kinda funny, before her little hand comes up and lays flat on his cheek.

“Dee!” she says, in her tiny, high-pitched little voice, and Dean just about drops her all over again out of pure shock.

Is he crazy? Did this kid just say his name? “Dean?” he repeats, pointing to his chest.

Her other little hand comes up and then she’s got his face framed in her chubby little hands. “Dee!” she answers, with a big smile on her face, squeezing his cheeks together.

“Holy shit,” he replies in awe.

“If she repeats that next I’m going to have to kill you,” the kid’s dad says from behind him. Dean jumps about a foot in the air, and the kid in his arm laughs again before Dean spins to look in his direction. The kid’s head falls onto his shoulder with the momentum and he puts a hand on the back of her head automatically.

“Shit, sorry,” Dean answers, then winces when he realizes he swore again.

The man laughs, though, and Dean can’t believe how much it transforms his face. Dude’s fucking adorable when he’s not being grouchy as fuck. And Dean notices sadly that the guy’s also put a shirt on.

“Quite honestly, I’d let you rap an entire Eminem album right now if you can continue to keep her from crying,” the man tells him with a small smile.

Dean grins back and jokes, “I’ve always had a way with the ladies.”

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me,” he replies. “My name is Castiel, by the way. And the little noise maker currently falling asleep on your shoulder is my daughter, Claire.”

Dean looks down, and sure enough, her eyes are closed and she has her thumb stuck in her mouth. Huh. She was just talking less than a minute ago.

“Wow, she went out like a freakin’ light,” Dean says quietly. “I might be crazy, but I’m pretty sure she said my name, like, a minute ago.”

“I heard that as well,” Castiel says, smiling proudly. “Congratulations, your name is officially her third word.”

“No shit?” Dean says, weirdly happy to hear that.

Castiel beams. “She has said _da_ , _dog,_ and now _Dee_.”

Dean snorts. “Bet her mom’s gonna be pissed, huh?”

Castiel clears his throat before he answers, “Her mother is not in the picture.”

Dean grimaces. “Shit, I’m sorry, man.”

“It’s quite alright. She was a surrogate for me and my ex,” Castiel explains.

Dean purses his lips and nods awkwardly. “Should I say sorry again, or…?”

Castiel manages a soft laugh. “No. Turns out he was a cheating pile of garbage. We’re better off without him. Although sometimes that’s hard to remember when you’re a single parent at three in the morning with a screaming child.”

Dean shrugs the shoulder not currently supporting Claire. “Turned out okay,” Dean tells him.

“Because of you.”

Dean scoffs. “She probably just thought I was weird. You shoulda seen the look she was givin’ me. Probably only shut up ‘cause she knew she had to pay close attention to make sure I didn’t drop her or somethin’.”

“I watched you. You were good with her,” Castiel says, smiling shyly at him. “Although you did swear quite a bit,” he adds, laughing a little.

“I get in trouble for that all the time,” Dean admits, smiling back at him. “Does she got a crib or somethin’ I can lay her down in?”

Castiel shakes his head. “She does, but laying her down will only cause fluid to move around inside her ear and cause additional pain. I was just planning to sit up in the recliner and hold her all night,” he explains.

Dean shrugs. “Well, get comfortable then, I guess, and I’ll hand her over.”

Castiel nods and turns towards the very worn leather recliner. He grabs a blanket off the couch and situates himself, wriggling until he’s in a comfortable spot. “Okay, I’m ready,” Castiel tells him.

Dean doesn’t really know how to transfer a sleeping toddler, but he takes a few steps closer to Castiel, keeps his hand on the back of her head, and loosens his hold on her back so that Castiel can get his hands in there. Castiel’s hand comes between Claire’s body and Dean’s side, and Dean tries not to react to his fingers brushing against his ribs. Claire lets out a little whine and both Dean and Castiel freeze. Dean looks at him, wondering what to do, and Castiel sighs, but gets a better grip on her to pull her away. Dean’s about to let go altogether when he feels his shirt being pulled and he looks down to see Claire’s tiny fingers fisted in his shirt.

“Let go, honey. Come sleep with daddy,” Castiel encourages her.

“Dee,” she says sleepily, reaching out and wrapping her arms around Dean’s neck and putting her head back on his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry,” Castiel apologizes. Seeing as Claire is no longer fully asleep, Castiel gets up to his feet. He puts his hands under her armpits and tries to pull her away, but she is locked on like a damn koala bear around his neck.

“DEE!” Claire yells at the top of her lungs _directly_ into Dean’s ear.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean curses.

“Claire, that’s enough, it’s time for Dean to go bye-bye and you to go night-night,” Castiel insists.

Dean can hear her take in a deep breath and the next thing he hears is that same damned high-pitched cry he heard through the wall for thirty three minutes.

“Okay, okay, okay,” Dean says quickly, rubbing her back to soothe her. “Dee will stay here for a little bit and hold you if you just stay quiet, okay?”

She takes a few seconds to catch her breath again, her back heaving up and down with the effort of getting it under control, and then she’s quiet again.

“Guess I’m takin’ the recliner after all,” Dean comments.

“That’s really not necessary,” Castiel tells him. “I’m sure it won’t take long to get her calmed down again once you go back to your apartment. Besides, your girlfriend or wife is probably already wondering where you are.”

“That’d be weird, since I don’t have a girlfriend or a wife,” Dean answers, laughing a little at the assumption.

Castiel tilts his head to the side a lot like the way Claire did a few minutes ago. “But that lady with the red hair? I see you two together often. Touching... intimately.”

“Charlie?” Dean says incredulously. “She’s even gayer than I am. We’re close, but it ain’t like that.”

“Boyfriend then?” Castiel asks, almost shyly.

“Not in a couple years,” Dean clarifies. “I live alone. I’m not seeing anybody.”

“Oh,” Castiel responds, looking down at the ground and doing a poor job at hiding the little smile on his lips. _Interesting,_ Dean thinks. “Even so, I’m sure you’d rather sleep in your own bed than sit in an old recliner holding a stranger’s baby all night.”

Dean shrugs. “I can sleep just about anywhere. And I’m not gonna be able to sleep anyway if she’s over here screamin’. At least this way it’ll be quiet.  Ain’t no skin off my back. Unless you think it’s weird and want me to take off?”

“No, no, no,” Castiel says quickly. “I have my first day of work tomorrow, and I desperately need a few hours of sleep. If you’re sure it won’t be an inconvenience?” Castiel checks.

“No biggie. I mean, I've never actually done this, you know. With a kid. But I’m sure it ain’t rocket science, right?”

Castiel smiles at him kindly. “I’ll be on the couch, so you have nothing to worry about,” he promises.

“Dude, you can sleep in your bed. There’s no way in hell you could sleep through it if she starts yellin’ again,” Dean laughs.

Castiel looks uncomfortable for a moment before he says, “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I only just met you officially ten minutes ago, and I’m not at all comfortable leaving you alone with my daughter. It’s not that I think you’d do anything untoward in absolutely any way, but… she’s all I have,” he finishes sombrely.

Dean nods. “Okay, I get it. Makes sense, actually. You can tell I don’t have any kids,” he smiles. “No bitching if I snore, though.”

“No promises,” Castiel tosses back.

He sits in the recliner and adjusts Claire so that her head is pillowed on his chest with both of Dean’s arms wrapped around her, holding her securely. He pulls the lever to recline the chair as much as he dares while still keeping Claire mostly upright. Castiel covers them both with a blanket and leans in to press a kiss to the top of Claire’s head. Dean feels something twist inside of him, and he wonders for a split second if this is a glimpse into what being a dad would be like. He’s never really thought about it before.

Castiel disappears down a hallway, then comes back with a comforter and a pillow, switches off the living room light, and gets himself comfortable on the couch.

“Hey, Cas?” Dean asks.

“Yes, Dean?”

“She’s not gonna pee on me or somethin’, is she?” he asks.

Castiel huffs out an amused sound. “She has a diaper on. She should be fine.”

 _Should be?_  Awesome. He sighs, resigned. “Night, Cas.”

“Goodnight, Dean. And thank you,” Castiel replies.

Claire is warm against his chest, and despite how strange it is to be sleeping in the living room of a man he didn’t even know the name of a half hour ago with his daughter in his arms, Dean drifts off to sleep quickly and sleeps straight through until morning.

When he opens his eyes, he startles when he sees two, big blue eyes staring at him. Last night comes back to him quickly when he sees Claire looking up at him, inches from his face, with her chin in her hands and a shy smile on her lips.

“Uh, hi,” Dean says awkwardly. He’s not exactly a morning person. In fact, he isn’t usually ready for conversation until he has his morning coffee, but he’s pretty sure kids don’t care about that stuff.

She leaps forwards and wraps her arms around his neck. “Dee!”

His arms come around her and he pats her back gently. She pulls away suddenly and then exclaims, “Da!”

She wriggles off of Dean’s lap and onto the floor, and she toddles her way over to get a leg up on the couch before she jumps on her dad who is apparently still asleep on the couch.

“Da! Da! Da!” she repeats as she bounces on him. Her hands are opening and closing like she’s squeezing something invisible.

“Hello, Claire,” Castiel answers, his voice rough with sleep.

“Dee!” Claire exclaims, pointing at Dean.

“Dee?” Castiel repeats. “Oh my god,” he groans, sitting up and getting an eyeful of Dean on the recliner. His hair is absolutely wrecked, sticking up in every possible direction, and Dean can’t even hide his grin. Castiel just glares at him.

“Not a morning person, huh?” Dean teases. “I can relate.”

Castiel sighs, running a hand down his face. “People told me I would get used to it after I had a baby but they were all liars,” he grumbles. He gets to his feet with Claire in his arms, and Dean has a second to take in the strip of bare flesh on his back where his t-shirt has been pulled up by Claire’s leg before Castiel smooths it back down.

Claire is still doing that clenching thing with her hands and Castiel says, “Yes, milk,” while he repeats the motion with his other hand. Kind of reminds Dean of sign language, except Claire can obviously hear. “I’m getting your milk right now, Claire Bear.”

“I, uh, guess I better take off,” Dean says awkwardly, pushing the recliner in with his feet and then standing up. He suddenly feels very naked in the light of day wearing his pajamas and socked feet in this stranger’s apartment.

“You could stay for coffee if you’d like,” Castiel offers. “It’s next on the menu right after Claire’s milk.”

Part of him really wants to but the other part of him thinks it’s dumb when he has perfectly good coffee in his apartment next door. “Maybe another time. I gotta be at work in forty minutes anyway, so I better hightail it.”

Castiel nods. “Alright. Well, thank you again for your assistance last night.”

“I’d say anytime, but I wouldn’t actually mean it,” Dean grins and Castiel smiles politely, but his face is more closed off now than Dean has seen it so far. That must not have come out the way he meant it. “Not after midnight, I mean. I’m down any other time,” he clarifies.

“I understand,” Castiel replies with a small smile.

This just got so much more awkward. He decides to breeze past it. “See ya later, Claire,” Dean says to the kid.

She wiggles in Castiel’s arms until Castiel lets her down, and then runs over to Dean with her hands out like she’s trying to keep her balance. Claire wraps her arms around his legs. Dean smiles and looks up at Castiel to see him smiling again at the two of them. He ruffles her hair a little and then she lets go, so he backs away. “I’ll see you around, okay squirt?”

She waves her little hand up and down excitedly and then turns around to go back to Castiel for her milk.

“Bye, Cas,” Dean says again.

Castiel gives him a smile over his shoulder and then Dean leaves to go back to his apartment.

What a weird night.

He goes through the rest of his morning routine in a daze: eating a bowl of cereal, showering, and getting dressed for work. He gulps down his first coffee and fills his travel mug with his second before he walks out to his car. He’s actually pretty tired, even though he did sleep fairly well with Claire in his arms. He ends up at the gym ten minutes earlier than usual and greets his sister-in-law Jess at the front desk.

“What’d you do, shit the bed?” Jess asks with a grin.

Dean shakes his head but can’t hide his smile. “Do you charm all of our customers like that?”

“You know it,” she shoots back. “Seriously though, you’re ten minutes early.”

“And?”

“You’re never early.”

“Just tryin’ to keep you on your toes,” he lies. “Where’s your lesser half?”

“Teaching yoga, as you already know,” Jess answers, smiling.

“Freak of nature, that kid. What did you book for me today?”

“You’re on outside duty with the daycare kids from 8:30 until 9:45, then at 10:00 you have to supervise the workout room. 11:10-12:00 is your first personal training session. Lunch is after that, and I can walk you through your afternoon then.”

Dean nods. Sounds like a decent morning. The daycare kids are always a blast, though he's never told anybody he thinks so. He goes to throw his duffel bag in his office, and since he’s a few minutes early, he checks his e-mails. He fires off a couple of quick responses and then he’s walking back down the hallway and out to the back where the kids are.

He’s barely through the door when he hears a chorus of, “Mr. Dean!”

He grins. Even kids know he’s awesome. He starts an automatic head count to make sure his workers are still okay, and nods when he sees 13 kids and two of his workers in their green shirts in the corner.

His nephew is the first one to launch himself at him and he grabs him under his arms and swings him up into the air. Bentley bursts into laughter and Dean sets him back on the ground. “Woah, woah, woah. Who’re you?” Dean asks him, crouching down to his level. “There’s no way this is Bentley. You’re way too big to be him!”

“Uncle Dean,” Bentley chastises him with hands on his hips. He somehow manages to look exactly like Sam _and_ Jess when he gives him this look and it never fails to throw Dean off a little bit.

“Alright, alright. Get outta here, then, munchkin. Go have fun!” Bentley takes off like a bat outta hell and Dean spends a few minutes saying hi to the other kids gathered around him, ruffling hair and giving pats on the back while trying to avoid the little toddlers.

“Uh oh, I better watch out now that my boss is watching,” Dean hears in a teasing tone of voice from across the yard. He looks up to see his mom smiling at him softly.

“Hey, ma,” he smiles back. “You ever gonna get tired of that joke?”

“No, it doesn’t seem like it,” she answers, laughing a little. She crosses the yard towards him. “What’d you do to tick off Jess to get stuck out here with the kids?”

 _Huh_. “Excellent question, now that you mention it,” Dean responds, and his mom laughs.

“You look tired, honey,” his mom notices as she gets closer to him.

“Yeah, neighbor’s screaming kid kept me up for a while,” he explains, telling the half truth.

“Payback for all the times you and Sam kept me up,” she replies, and Dean laughs a little. Maybe that’s why he was so willing to stay and help out a relative stranger with his daughter last night. He knows how hard it was on his mom to be a single parent to him and Sammy.

“Sure as he-heck hope not,” he says, changing hell to heck halfway through so he doesn’t swear around the kids.

His mom’s eyes are lit up with laughter at his obvious slip when she turns towards a car pulling in. “Oh, look, that must be the new kid we’re getting today.”

Dean turns in time to see Castiel get out of his car. He was not expecting that! He’s driving a beige Buick Century - an absolute boat - that looks like it’s about to fall apart any day now. Castiel walks around the car to get Claire out and then hefts her and a small child-size backpack into his arms. He shuts the car door behind him and begins the walk over to the yard. He does a double-take when he sees Dean there.

“Dean?”

“Morning,” Dean says. “Well, good morning again, I guess,” he chuckles somewhat nervously.

“You two know each other?” Mary asks.

“This is the neighbor I was just telling you about. And this little munchkin is the one that woke me up at 3AM,” Dean says, reaching for her.

She holds her arms out and says, “DEE!” in an ear-splitting shout of excitement.

“Wow, she really has a set of pipes on her,” Mary laughs.

“That’s what I said!” Dean tells her, laughing.

“I’m Mary, Dean’s mom, and the supervisor of the childcare program at Winchester’s,” Mary says, holding out her hand to shake Castiel’s. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to meet you when you came by for your interview but I’m sure Jessica took excellent care of you.”

“She did, thank you. I’m Castiel Novak and your son seems to have stolen my daughter Claire,” he says, smiling at the two of them.

“She’s adorable,” Mary says.

“Yeah, but wait until you hear her cry,” Dean warns her, and Castiel flushes.

“That reminds me,” Castiel says to Mary. “She has a double ear infection, and has five days remaining of her antibiotics. I put them inside her bag with the instructions, and it needs to be kept refrigerated. Her next dose is at noon.”

“Oh, you poor sweetie,” Mary says to Claire. Claire buries her face against Dean’s chest. “No wonder she was up crying last night! Do you have owies in your ear, Claire?”

Claire just blinks at her from her spot on Dean’s chest.

“She likes me,” Dean explains to Mary.

“Girls always did,” she replies, and Dean and Castiel share a smile between them.

“I didn’t know you worked here,” Castiel finally says to Dean.

“Oh, he doesn’t actually do much _work_ , he just owns it,” Mary teases.

“Ha ha, another joke that was only funny the first hundred times you told it,” he says sarcastically.

“This is your gym?” Castiel asks.

“You bet. Well, mine and my kid brother’s. Dean Winchester, in the flesh,” he smiles, readjusting Claire onto his other hip.

Castiel lets out a relieved sigh. “I won’t lie. I was quite anxious to leave Claire here this morning but knowing that you’re here will certainly make it easier. As you said, she likes you.”

“She has excellent taste in men,” Dean teases.

“One of us has to,” Castiel says dryly and both Mary and Dean burst into laughter. Castiel seems both pleased and surprised that they think he’s funny. Claire pops her head off of Dean’s chest at the sound of the laughter. Castiel gives her what is obviously a fake smile and says, “Okay, Claire Bear, Daddy has to go to work. You’re going to stay here and play with Miss Mary and Mr. Dean, and Daddy will be back to pick you up after lunch, okay?”

Claire points to Castiel and then does something weird with her hands, like she’s kissing her fingers together.

“No, not more,” Castiel says sadly.

“Da will be back soon, buddy,” Dean promises. Claire pouts a little and Dean wonders how Castiel ever says no to a face that adorable.

“Hey Claire, do you like Elmo, sweetie?” Mary asks her, which is a given considering he’s on her backpack.

Claire lifts her hand and looks like she’s knocking on air. “Yes?” Mary says brightly. “Do you want to come with me and help me put your medicine in the fridge? Then I can give you an Elmo sticker for being such a great helper!” Claire wiggles out of Dean’s arms, so Dean lowers her to the ground where she reaches up for Mary’s hand. Castiel passes the bag to Mary. “Say bye to your dad, sweetie,” Mary prompts her.

Claire turns around and waves, and then walks away with Mary.

“Bye sweetie, have a good day!” Castiel calls after her. He looks slightly crestfallen and Dean feels bad for the guy. He’s seen this enough times to know what’s goin’ on.

“Don’t feel bad that she’s not cryin,” Dean tells him.

“ _What?_ No. That’s ridiculous. I would never…” Castiel begins, but then stops when he sees the look of understanding on Dean’s face. He exhales. “It’s not like I _want_ her to cry.”

“But you thought she might care a little bit more about you leaving her here for the first time?”

“Exactly,” Castiel answers. “It’s silly.”

“No, man. I get it. I mean, I don’t have kids, so I don’t get it like you do, but I’ve seen enough parents do this that I know what you’re talkin’ about. It’s probably just ‘cause I’m here, anyway, since she likes me and all,” Dean says, and shoots Castiel a little wink.

Castiel flushes adorably and Dean can’t help his smile. “You should not be allowed to wink at people like that,” Castiel mumbles.

“I dunno, Cas. Kinda seems like you like it,” Dean teases.

Castiel snorts. “Have you _seen_ you?”

Dean’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise and then Castiel flushes again.

“I, uh…” Castiel clears his throat and looks at the ground. “I didn’t mean for… that… to come out like that.”

“I’m not complainin’,” Dean answers. Cas is hot. Of course he’s not complaining.

Castiel looks up, and their eyes lock, and Dean feels this _thing_ in the air between them. If this was a romcom, he’d say sparks are flying. They hold each other’s gaze for probably longer than is entirely appropriate, until Dean hears a crash behind him. He looks over to see two kids crashing their Coupe Cars together and one of his workers running over to help them. “Gotta go help break up the bumper cars over there,” Dean says. “Don’t worry about Claire, alright? I’ll swing down on my lunch to check on her if you want.”

“Would you… would it be completely inappropriate to ask you to text me to assure me that she’s doing okay?” Castiel asks. Dean takes in the big blue eyes pleading up at him and knows there’s no way he’s going to say no to this guy - for this or anything else.

Dean shrugs. “Not usually somethin’ I’d do, but for a face like yours?” Castiel flushes again. “Gimme your phone, Cas.”

Castiel digs into his pocket and pulls out his iPhone. Dean sends himself a text, which dings in his pocket, and then hands it back to Cas. “Now you’ve got my number and I’ve got yours. I gotta go. But she’ll be fine, I promise.”

“Thank you, Dean. I’ll see you later,” he says.

Dean probably isn’t scheduled to be down here for pick-up today, but as he walks towards the bumper car kids, he has a feeling he just might find himself here anyway. Perk of being the boss, and all, he smirks to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean’s morning is passing pretty quickly. One of his favorite things about owning his gym is that he gets to do a little bit of everything, which he likes, because it’s almost impossible to get bored. First, he changes into shorts and a t-shirt to help a couple of new people out in the exercise room, making sure to show them how to use the equipment properly. Then he hops on the treadmill for a twenty minute run while he’s in there, keeping an eye out for anybody who needs help.

Having worked up a thirst, he takes a ten minute break for some water before going out to the front desk to meet his client for a personal training session.

He sees it’s Greg, who he just met with for the first time last week. Greg’s a big dude, and he’s working on losing weight to help him get diabetes under control. He definitely needs a personal trainer because he has no idea how to exercise properly, but he’s still a hell of a sport about it, and when they set up their schedule together after the initial consultation last week Greg had him in stitches several times. Dean’s been looking forward to this.

It goes pretty much how Dean expected it. He had to do a lot of demonstrating, a lot of fixing Greg’s form, and a lot of altering exercises so that Greg could do them at all, but he has to give the guy props - he only swore at him a handful of times. By the time their 50 minutes are up, they’re both sweating and breathing hard (Greg more than Dean), but he’s almost positive Greg will be back next week, which he’s pleased about.

Dean wipes away most of his sweat with a towel and throws on a pair of sweatpants over his shorts before he heads down to check on Claire.

He stops to look in on Ellen first to see if he can charm lunch out of her. Ellen’s been a friend of the family’s for as long as he can remember and it was a no-brainer for him to hire her on as the chef for the daycare kids. He pokes his head in and smells spaghetti.

“Spaghetti day!” he exclaims.

She turns to give him an amused look. “I suppose you want a plate?”

“Hell yeah, I want a plate!”

“Kids,” she says under her breath. “I’ll bring yours out with the rest of them in ten minutes.”

“You’re the best!”

“Yeah, yeah. Go bug somebody else, Winchester,” she smiles.

“Aw, but you’re my favorite,” he teases, leaning against the doorframe.

“Mmhmm. Don't think I don't know that's what you tell everybody,” she says with her eyebrows raised.

“Busted,” he grins. “Thanks, Ellen!”

He still has a smile on his face when he enters the toddler room. His mom and another worker are inside and Dean scans it looking for Claire. He finds her building with wooden blocks and walks over to sit beside her on the carpet. She looks up and her face brightens immediately. “Dee!” she smiles, clapping her tiny hands together.

“Hey, buddy. Heck of a tower you got goin’ here,” he says.

She hands him her block, then does something weird with her hands again. She has one out, palm up, and the other curled into a fist, thumb up, on top of her palm. She bounces her hands up and down, looking at him anxiously.

“Sorry, kiddo, I have no idea what that’s supposed to be. Do you want me to help you with your tower?”

She does the hand thing again and Dean reaches out to tentatively place his block on top of the tower in front of him, checking her expression to see if that’s what she wanted. She smiles at him and then adds another block beside his. They play for a few minutes before Dean remembers he’s supposed to text Cas.

“Hey, Claire, come here for a second,” he tells her. He digs his phone out of his pocket and holds his hands out so she can leap into his arms. He laughs at her enthusiasm and opens his camera app while he situates Claire on his lap. Turning it to selfie mode, he holds it up to show Claire. “Do you want to take a picture and send it to Da?”

“Da!” Claire says excitedly.

“Okay, blondie, look at the screen and give me a big smile. Ready? Say _cheese!_ ” Claire’s obviously done this before because she tilts her head so that it’s leaning against Dean’s, looks right at the camera and gives an adorable smile. Dean’s answering smile comes easily and he snaps the picture. He sticks his tongue out next, and Claire bursts into giggles ( _snap_ ) before she sticks her own tongue out ( _snap)_. Dean laughs and checks his camera roll to flip through the pictures. Claire watches and points at the screen. “Dee!” she says, pointing at him.

“Yep, that’s me. We’re pretty freaking cute, huh?” he smiles.

“Okay, friends. It’s cleanup time! Lunch is ready!” Mary says in a sing-song voice while flickering the lights to get everybody’s attention.

“Hear that, buddy? Lunch is ready! Let’s clean up these blocks, okay?”

Claire gets right down to business, picking up the blocks and putting them back into the bucket beside her, and Dean helps her out once he stashes his phone again. In no time, the room is cleaned up and Dean helps get Claire into her seat.

He hops up on the counter beside the sink and pulls out his phone to type out a text to Castiel while he waits for Ellen to come in with the food.

 

 **DEAN:** I dunno how to break it to you, man, but I don’t think Claire is having any fun at all so far this morning.

Dean smiles to himself as he sees the little dots come up on the screen almost immediately, telling him that Castiel is typing a response.

 **CASTIEL:** What do you mean? Is she alright? Are her ears bothering her?

Dean’s grinning to himself when he types out his response.

 **DEAN:** You tell me.

Then he sends along the first picture of him and Claire smiling together.

 **CASTIEL:** I didn’t know I could hate somebody so quickly, but here I am. Hating you.

Dean laughs.

 **DEAN:** Come on! We’re adorable! Look at these ones!

He sends the picture of him with his tongue out and Claire laughing and then the one with both of their tongues sticking out.

 **CASTIEL:** You are a terrible influence on my daughter.

 **DEAN:** Please. I’m awesome! And I think I missed the part where you agreed with me about how adorable me and Claire are?

 **CASTIEL:** I highly doubt you need me to feed your ego any further.

 **DEAN:** Now that’s just mean. I take time outta my busy day to check on your kid just for you and you won’t even tell me I’m adorable?

 **CASTIEL:** Fine. But I do it out of protest.

 **CASTIEL:** You’re adorable.

 **CASTIEL:** And yet still somehow sexy.

Dean’s jaw drops. That kinda came out of nowhere! Not that he’s complaining...

 **DEAN:** Now that’s what I’m talking about :P

 **CASTIEL:** I’m sorry. That was probably inappropriate.

 **DEAN:** Not from where I’m sitting.

 **CASTIEL:** I really do appreciate you letting me see that Claire’s doing alright. Even if you gave me a heart attack at first.

 **DEAN:** I’m kinda a jerk like that :P

 **CASTIEL:** You certainly have me fooled, then. You seem incredibly kind.

 **DEAN:** I’m screenshotting this text to use against you later when you realize what a dick I am.

 **CASTIEL:** I thought I made this clear already, but I’m kind of into dick.

Dean snorts.

 **DEAN:** Oh, it was clear, alright. I somehow missed that you’re a little mouthy though ;)

 **CASTIEL:** Well, I’m not generally at my best at three in the morning. Or seven-thirty. Or dropping off my daughter for her first day at a new daycare.

 **DEAN:** And yet you still managed to get my number so you could flirt with me ;)

 **CASTIEL:** Huh. Maybe I should try not being at my best more often :)

 **DEAN:** Looking forward to that!!! There’s my lunch. I’ll see you at pick up!

 **CASTIEL:** Say hi to Claire for me. And thank you, Dean.

 **DEAN:** :)

 

“Who’s the boy?” his mom asks, bringing him a plate of spaghetti and leaning up against the counter beside him.

“Huh?” Dean asks.

“The boy who’s got you smiling like that,” she says, nudging him.

“Nobody. I was texting Castiel, Claire’s dad, to let him know she’s doing okay.” He twirls a large bite of spaghetti onto his fork and shoves it into his mouth all at once.

“Uh huh. I thought I saw some eye sex going on between you two,” Mary grins.

Dean just about chokes on his mouthful. “Ew, _mom!_ Don’t say sex to me!”

“Shhh,” she stifles a laugh while looking around the classroom quickly to see if any little faces are pointed in their direction.

“You remembered to give Claire her medicine, right?” Dean asks.

“This isn’t my first day on the job, kiddo,” she smiles, and Dean flushes a little. “It’s sweet of you to text him about Claire. She seems like she’s having fun so far.”

“What’s with those hand things she does?” Dean asks biting into his garlic bread.

Mary lifts her eyebrows. “Baby sign language?” she says, like he should know what that is. “Really, sweetie? You own a gym with a licensed daycare and don’t know what baby sign language is?”

“Apparently not,” he shrugs, unashamed. “She can hear though, can’t she?”

“Oh, yes. She can hear perfectly fine. She’s just behind on her speech, so her pediatrician recommended signing. Claire’s very bright. She probably knows more signs than I do,” Mary explains.

“She’s what? A year old? How can you be behind in speech at a year old?” Dean scoffs.

“She’s almost a year and a half. She’s tiny for her age,” she adds at Dean’s surprised look. “Usually at this age they can say a lot more and even string a couple of words together, but her file says she can only say two words right now.”

“Three now that she says Dee for Dean,” Dean grins.

“Really?” Mary laughs. “One day with her and you get a word out of her. Why am I not surprised?”

“No wonder Cas seemed so excited about it. Do you know what this one means?” He copies the last thing Claire did with her hands.

Mary frowns. “I would guess it’s her version of _help_ , although it actually looks like this,” she says, placing her hands in the same way but lifting them up towards her chin instead of bouncing them up and down.

Dean nods. “That makes sense.”

“I can send you a link to a website with a bunch of signs so you can try and figure some of them out if you want?”

“I dunno...”

“If you’re going to spend time with her, and it seems like you are based on the eye s-e-x with her dad you don’t want me to mention, then I’d recommend it. You don’t want her to feel like you’re ignoring her needs,” Mary says softly.

Dean sighs. “Yeah, alright. Can’t guarantee I’ll be any better at learning them than I was at learning in school, but I can give it a shot I guess.”

She gives him a backhanded slap across the chest. “What was that for!?” Dean asks, insulted.

“You! Don’t talk about my son that way,” she says, her eyes hard.

“Yeah, yeah,” he groans, having heard this a thousand times before.

“Hey look,” she gestures towards Claire. “Seems like Claire likes spaghetti.”

Dean bursts out laughing when he sees spaghetti sauce all over her face right up to her eyebrows. He puts his plate on the counter and hops down crouch down beside her.

“Hey Claire,” he says, holding his phone up for another picture. He snaps it and laughs again before spinning his phone around to show her. Her eyes light up and she grins up at him. “You got a little something on your face,” he teases, tapping on her nose, and she smiles some more before she goes in for more spaghetti with both hands. He laughs and walks back over to his lunch before he sends it to Cas.

 

 **DEAN:** Somebody likes spaghetti!

 **CASTIEL:** Wow lol Thank god I don’t have to clean that up!

 **DEAN:** I gotta get back upstairs before mom tries to make me help hahaha

 **CASTIEL:** Your secret’s safe with me :)

 

Mary makes a little humming sound in her throat. Dean glances at her, and she grins at him. “What?” he asks.

“Never thought I’d see you interested in somebody with a child,” Mary tells him.

“Why not?” Dean asks.

“You never mentioned wanting children,” Mary says carefully.

Dean frowns. “I’m gay. Not exactly something that comes easily to a couple of dudes, you know.”

“Still, there are ways,” she insists.

Dean shrugs. “I never said I was into him, either. For the record.”

“Sure, hon.”

He figures he might as well get the embarrassing question out of the way now since she’s already teasing him. “Hey, uh, what time is he supposed to come pick her up?”

Mary lifts her eyebrows before she says, “Between 4:30-5:00.”

Dean nods, stuffing his mouth full of more spaghetti to discourage any further conversation, and then puts his plate back on the trolley where he knows the rest are going to go. He makes sure to say goodbye to Claire, then heads back upstairs to check in with Jess and get his schedule for the afternoon. When he tells her he wants to be with the kids from 4:30-5:00 she doesn’t question him about it, though she raises her eyebrows a lot like his mom did as she rearranges a few things.

Dean has an hour to himself in his office to go through e-mails and social media accounts. He spends about ten minutes on the baby sign language site his mom sent him searching for the signs he saw Claire use already. He recognizes milk, more, yes, and help. His mom’s right - Claire’s a smart kid. Taking a peek at the clock, he quickly uses the bathroom before beginning another training session at 2:00. After that, he does two back-to-back half hour spin classes at 3:00 and 3:45. He planned to take a quick shower before he went downstairs at 4:30, but he has a hell of a time getting away from one of his regulars who likes to talk _way_ too much at the end of his spin class. Now, ten minutes later than he wanted to originally leave, he throws his sweat pants on and hurries down to the playground as fast as he can.

“Thought you chickened out for a second there,” his mom says to him as he bursts through the doors.

“Becky,” he says in explanation, and his mom laughs.

“Yep. That’ll do it.”

He knows Bentley is already gone for the day, so instead, he looks around for Claire finding her finally in the sandbox. “How’d she do today?” Dean asks his mom.

“Great! She had a good nap, ate all of her snacks and her lunch. No meltdowns at all. She seems to play by herself a lot instead of with other kids, but she’s happy enough, and it’s not unusual for children this age, particularly ones without siblings.” Mary pauses, giving him a quick once over. “You’re pretty sweaty, honey.”

“Gee, ma, thanks a lot. I hadn’t noticed,” he says, wiping his face with his hand again. “I did two spin classes back to back.” He debates internally before asking, “Am I stinkin’ up the place?”

Mary laughs. “Not that I can tell.”

Apparently Dean made it just in time because when he hears a car pull into the parking lot he looks up to see that it’s Castiel. Now that Castiel has come right out and flirted with him, he’s a little nervous to see him, especially sweaty and in sweatpants. He hasn’t been interested in getting to know somebody like this in a really long time. He tries to shake off his nerves the best he can and goes to get Claire. He walks over to the sandbox and crouches down in front of her. “Hey blondie,” he says, smiling at her. “Your dad’s here to pick you up.”

Claire gets to her little feet so fast she almost topples over. Thankfully, Dean gets a hand out fast enough to catch her, and he picks her up and swings her up in the air the same way he does with Bentley. She lets out this loud, high-pitched belly laugh that he hasn’t heard yet and it makes him laugh with her. She’s freakin’ adorable. “C’mon, buddy. And don’t forget to give him a big hug, okay?” he whispers.

When Castiel makes his way over to the gate, Dean puts Claire down so she can toddle over. Castiel’s eyes flick up to Dean’s for just a quick second, but then he only has eyes for Claire as she makes her way over to him with arms opened wide. He scoops her up, hugs her tight and plants a quick kiss on her cheek, and Dean’s suddenly grinning so wide he thinks his face might split.

Shit. He is so, _so_ screwed.

Dean goes to grab Claire’s little Elmo bag from the hook on the wall to give himself a few seconds to get his shit together, then walks over to Castiel. He notices that his mom is watching them but that she doesn't intervene, which he appreciates.

“So? How was her first day?” Castiel asks as he approaches him.

“According to my mom, she did great. Ate all of her snacks, you saw she ate and wore her lunch, and she slept okay at nap time, too. So hopefully she won’t be keeping us up all night again,” he adds with a smile.

“That’s a relief,” Castiel smiles. “How was your day?”

Dean’s a little taken aback by the question, not thinking that he’d be asked about himself. “No complaints, I guess, other than the sweat,” he chuckles.

“I wasn’t going to mention it,” Castiel replies, smiling shyly, “but you _are_ sweating profusely.”

Dean snorts. “Yeah. Well, I’d like to see _you_ after two back to back spinning lessons.”

“Spinning? Like twirling?” Castiel asks sounding confused.

“No, man. Spinning like on spin bike.”

“Ohhhh,” Castiel laughs. “That makes more sense. And I agree, I would not look nearly as manly as you do all covered in sweat.”

Dean feels a little bit of color come to his cheeks. “You flirtin’ with me again, Cas? And with your baby in your arms, no less?” he teases.

Castiel flushes adorably and Dean kinda wants to kiss him. “I didn’t mean to,” Castiel admits looking at the ground. “I don’t know why this keeps happening with you. I can’t even date anybody. Not that you would be interested in that or anything,” he continues quickly.

“Yeah? Why’s that?” he asks.

“Because… I’m just _me_ … a single dad with a baby and a whole bunch of baggage… and you’re a business owner, and smart, and funny, and... just... _look at you_!” Castiel says, making a sweeping gesture with his hand towards Dean’s body.

Dean tries to press his lips into a line instead of laughing but he knows he’s fighting a losing battle. “Cas, I’m flattered. Seriously flattered. But, uh, what I _meant_ was why can’t you date anybody?”

Castiel drops his head forwards in defeat and this time Dean does laugh. “Well, that does it. I’m leaving now. I’m finding a new daycare and moving all over again just so I never have to face you again.”

Dean can’t stop his laughter and Claire claps her hands together in delight. “It’s cool, really. If it makes you feel any better, I think you’re pretty hot, too,” Dean admits with a smirk. “That’s why I was wondering why you said you couldn’t date. Not that I’d be interested in that or anything,” he teases.

“Um. Wow. Okay. Let me, um, get Claire in her seat and see if I can get thoughts to make sense in my brain again,” Castiel says, obviously flustered, and Dean lets out another huff of laughter. Cas has a colorful sense of humor, that’s for damn sure. He tries not to openly ogle Castiel’s ass as he’s bent over getting Claire into her car seat but it’s _right there_ and Cas can’t even see him. And man, Cas has a nice little ass on him. He wonders idly what he must do for a living to be allowed to wear jeans to work but mostly he’s focused on those perfectly round globes as he shifts side to side. Shit. It’s been way too long since he’s been laid if he’s reacting like this to a hot dude in jeans.

He looks down at the ground, trying to think about anything except pressing his dick to the swell of Castiel’s ass, but then looks up again when he hears the car door close.

Castiel stuffs his hands in his pockets and looks Dean straight in the face when he says, “I can’t date anybody because I’m a single parent. I don’t have any friends or family to help me, and after already being away from Claire forty hours a week while I work, I don’t feel comfortable leaving her with a babysitter. Especially not so I can waste my time trying to get to know another good-looking man who’s just going to end up breaking my heart anyway.”

Dean nods once, trying to swallow down his anger and disappointment. He’s heard this from men before. Because he’s got a pretty face, he must only be out to fuck and then fuck off. They always assume he couldn’t possibly be after something real. No, apparently Dean doesn’t get to have that. “Sounds like you’ve got me all figured out, huh?”

His tone must give away more than he intended, because Castiel’s eyes go a little wide. “I didn’t mean -”

“No, you know what? I think you did. Not the first time I’ve heard it,” Dean tells him angrily. He shakes his head and pastes a fake smile on his face. He’s at work after all, gotta keep up appearances. “No hard feelings or whatever, okay?”

With his eyes still wide, Castiel swallows once and nods.

Dean takes a step around Castiel and reaches out to tap on the car window. Claire looks up and Dean smiles and waves at her. She waves back and then Dean walks away without another word.

Mary takes one look at him and says, “Honey, you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he lies. He leans over to kiss her cheek quickly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Call me if you need anything,” she insists.

“You bet. Later, ma.”

 

* * *

 

Dean spends his evening at home, alone. Again. He doesn't usually do anything Monday nights so he doesn’t know why he feels so lonely and morose about it all of the sudden.

Well, that’s a lie.

He does know why. He just doesn’t want to admit to it because it’s stupid.

Twenty-four hours ago he didn’t even know who Castiel was other than the dude with the crazy hair next door, but now… now he feels like he lost a chance with a good guy all because some other dickhead fucked around behind Castiel’s back. And that’s bullshit. But he’s not about to get into a relationship with Castiel, or date him even, knowing that he’s admittedly waiting for Dean to screw up. Even Dean’s not that dumb and _that’s_ saying something.

He’s watching old episodes of The Big Bang Theory when his phone dings with a text message at 8:30. He reaches over to grab it off the end table beside him and frowns when he sees it’s Castiel.

 

 **CASTIEL:** I’m really sorry :(

Dean rolls his eyes and tries to convince himself he isn’t softening at all from three little words and a sad face on a screen. He considers not responding but he opened the message so he knows Castiel can see that he read it.

 **DEAN:** Forget about it. Apology accepted.

 **CASTIEL:** I feel really bad. You have been kinder to me in the last day than anybody has been in a very long time and I let my own insecurities ruin it.

 **DEAN:** Don’t worry about it. We barely even know each other. It’s not like we’re missing out on anything.

Dean doesn’t know if he’s trying to convince himself or Castiel.

 **CASTIEL:** It may not come as a surprise to you, but I don’t make… friends… easily. Especially not ones who are kind to my daughter. I know it would be really easy to just pretend like we never met considering the way I acted, but I don’t really want to do that.

 **CASTIEL:** And I guess I hope that you don’t want to either.

Dean stares at his phone for a long time. Castiel’s right. It probably _should_ be easier to pretend like he isn’t interested in him more than he has been in anybody else for a long time. But then again, he’s been sitting here tonight trying to convince himself he wasn’t upset about it when he clearly is. So maybe it’s not that easy after all. Maybe it’s not supposed to be.

Although, Dean doesn’t know what’s up with the sudden change of heart. A few hours ago Castiel told him that he couldn’t date anyway.

 **DEAN:** What difference does it make what I want if you “can’t date” anyway?

 **CASTIEL:** I didn’t take into account how convenient it might be considering we share a wall.

 **DEAN:** I’m not following?

 **CASTIEL:** For example… Claire is asleep right now and I have nothing to do until I choose to go to bed. This is a nightly occurrence for me.

 **DEAN:** So… you’re saying you would have time to get to know me while she’s sleeping?

 **CASTIEL:** I’m saying it’s one possibility where I wouldn’t have to hire a babysitter or be away from her and still have time to spend with you. If you were, in fact, interested in me. Hypothetically.

Dean’s smiling now.

 **DEAN** : Well, hypothetically speaking of course, I would probably be a little wary of starting something with somebody who’s just waiting for me to hurt them.

 **CASTIEL:** Perhaps... if you’re willing, “somebody” might be able to help you to understand why “he” reacted that way.

Dean stares at his phone again, worrying his lip between his teeth. Does he want this? Does he want to get to know Cas enough to take this risk? With Cas having Claire at his gym _and_ having him as a neighbor, it could get really messy really fast. And there’s a kid involved, which is all kinds of messy just on its own.

None of these thoughts explain his response.

 **DEAN:** You better have a shirt on this time.

Then Dean’s on his feet, walking next door to Castiel’s apartment and knocking on the door.

Castiel opens it with a shy smile on his face and Dean returns the smile. Castiel takes a step back and Dean walks through the door.

“This is either gonna go down as a really, really stupid idea, or one of the best risks I’ve ever taken,” Dean says in lieu of a greeting.

“Well that certainly doesn’t put any pressure on me,” Castiel answers.

“I don’t know what it is about you, man. I was sitting there in my apartment thinking about how messy all of this is already, and why this is a terrible idea, but before I knew it I was on my way over here anyway.”

“I’m really glad you came,” Castiel says seriously. “Can I get you something to drink before I share my life story?”

Dean lets out a loud exhale. “Don’t suppose you got beer?”

Castiel smiles. “Beer, I’ve got. Take a seat and I’ll be right back.”

Dean nods and sits on the couch, wondering all over again if this was a stupid idea or not. Thankfully Cas comes back pretty quickly with a beer in each hand with the tops already popped off.

“You didn’t roofie me, did you?” Dean jokes as Castiel hands him a beer.

Castiel laughs and takes a seat beside Dean. Closer than Dean expected him to sit. “No, fresh out of roofies.”

“That’s exactly what you’d say if you _did_ roofie me,” Dean points out.

“Touché,” Castiel responds. He holds his beer bottle out and says, “To talking about the hard shit.”

Dean grimaces but clinks his bottle to Castiel’s. “That sounds pretty freakin’ terrible, but since you’re doin’ the talking, I guess I’ll cheers to it.”

They each take a drink from their bottles and Castiel says, “So, how deep should I go here, exactly?”

Dean snorts. “That’s what he said.”

Castiel tilts his head and pins him with an amused glare. “You’re the first adult I’ve ever heard say that.”

Dean nods his agreement, smiling wide. “I’m mature like that,” he says lightly, still laughing at his own joke. “Seriously, though. Whatever you wanna tell me, Cas, I wanna hear.”

Castiel runs a hand through his hair. Maybe that’s why it’s always so messy. “Honestly, part of me is afraid if I get too deep you won’t want to get to know me at all.”

Dean shrugs, not at all worried about that. “If that’s the kinda guy I am, wouldn't you rather find out tonight than six weeks from now?”

Castiel takes a deep breath. “I guess you could say everything started with my parents. Very unoriginal story. They’re extremely religious and very active in our church. Of course, they were horrified when they found out their only son was gay. Such a scandal. They were adamant about my sexuality being a choice. So adamant, in fact, that they managed to convince me it was something I could pray away until I was twenty years old,” he laughs humorlessly.

“That must have sucked,” Dean says honestly. There wasn’t a single second where Dean even wondered _if_ his mom would support him - she just did. “What happened when you were twenty?”

“I met Arthur,” Castiel says simply. “He seemed… perfect. He was handsome, a few years older than me, rich, and sophisticated. He even had a British accent,” Castiel adds with a half smile. “We fell in lust, and then in love, and it suddenly seemed like the easiest thing in the world to just turn my back on my family. We moved in together within three weeks of meeting and less than five months after that he asked me to marry him. My parents completely disowned me.” He pauses to take a drink of his beer. “We’d hardly known each other a year when we got married at the courthouse with Arthur’s best friend Mick as our only witness. And things were mostly good for a while. We were happy - well, _I_ was happy, I guess. Or I thought I was. We had been married for two years when we started talking about children, and Arthur found us a donor and a surrogate within six months. We flipped a coin to see who would donate the sperm for our first child, and I won.”

“Small blessings,” Dean hears himself say.

Castiel nods, taking a long pull from his beer bottle before he keeps talking. “Arthur seemed supportive and excited about the prospect of a child, but once Claire was born and he realized how much work a baby was, he disengaged almost completely. I stayed home with her while he worked, but even when he came home, which was less and less often as time went on, he never helped at all. I felt like a single parent living with a stranger. We barely even talked, let alone did anything else,” Castiel says with a significant look at Dean. “I should’ve known he was going somewhere, seeing somebody else for what he used to get from me, but I was absolutely exhausted all the time from taking care of Claire by myself. I… I didn’t even think about it. About... him. About having sex with my husband. At all.” Dean doesn’t even know this Arthur fucker and already he wants to kill him. “All I thought about was myself,” Castiel says quietly.

“And your daughter,” Dean cuts in. “You shouldn’t have been the only one who thought about her _or_ you. That’s not how family works, or a relationship. You don’t just bail on the dude raising your baby because he didn’t put out. That ain’t right. You gotta know that.”

Castiel shakes his head. His eyes are glittering with unshed tears and Dean _knows_ Castiel doesn’t know it. Not at all.

“He left his phone at home one day,” Castiel continues. “I heard it going off and I thought it might be him calling it trying to find it, you know? So I went to go see… and there were... pictures. From Mick.” The way he says it leaves no doubt in Dean’s mind what kind of pictures they were. “I started scrolling back and I could see as far back as I could scroll that there were _a lot_ of pictures. Sexual pictures. Not even all of Mick. Some were… obviously different,” he chokes out, and takes another drink. Dean’s hands are itching to touch him, to comfort him in some way. He looks _so_ sad. “Arthur came back for his phone and I asked him about them. He didn’t even deny it. I stood there with our daughter in my arms as he pointed out that we never _said_ we’d be exclusive. He made me feel like I was foolish to believe that our marriage vows were enough,” Castiel says bitterly, and Dean’s heart breaks for him when the first tear falls. “So when he went back to work, I left. I packed a diaper bag for Claire, a duffel bag for myself, transferred all the money I could get my hands on into my personal bank account, and left. I didn’t have a car, or a job, or a single friend or family member who would help me. I was 25 years old with a three month old baby and nowhere to go.”

“Cas…” Dean whispers. He’s not even sure what else he’s going to say, but he wants to make it better somehow anyway.

Castiel shakes his head and cuts him off. “I basically… stole enough money from him that I was okay at first. I stayed in a cheap motel for a while. I got a job. I actually managed to land a really good job, but I had to be away from Claire for the first time in my life. It was incredibly hard. Eventually, I got a cheap two bedroom apartment, filed for divorce, and I was doing it all on my own. Arthur never asked to see Claire a single time. When I brought it up he said she was never his to begin with.” Castiel shakes his head bitterly. “But I was fine with that once I got over the initial hurt. I was even thankful he never went through with adopting her like we discussed. I did okay for a while. I was used to doing everything on my own with Claire anyway that it wasn’t that different outside of work.”

Castiel runs his hands through his hair and looks up at the ceiling briefly before he continues, “Fast forward to nine months later when it happened all over again. I met a guy at the coffee shop by my work and began dating him. I introduced him to Claire, who was almost a year old at the time. Even now, looking back, I still think he was great with her when I was there. And I hate that,” he spits. “After a few months together, he started watching her occasionally if I had to work and he didn’t. That’s how I caught him.” Castiel takes another pull from his bottle. “I came home for lunch unexpectedly to surprise them both. I stopped and picked up lunch for him on the way to say thank you for helping me with her so much. When I walked in the house there was shoes by the front door I didn’t recognize and I could hear Claire crying, but only faintly. I followed the noise and found her in her room, door closed, stuck in her crib. She - she had thrown up from crying so hard... and she was wet through her diaper. She had obviously been in there for a long time. Probably all morning,” Castiel wipes his tears off his face but they just keep falling. “I was actually worried about Will at first. I thought something terrible must have happened to him, you know? But then I saw my bedroom door closed. And when I opened it… he was in my bed with another man. There… there were drugs on my bedside table. Needles. They were both passed out. Naked. Cum all over both of them. No, uh, no condom anywhere,” he lets out a small sob before he covers his mouth. More tears spill down his cheeks and he takes a deep breath. “I don’t know why I still find that part so insulting, but _god,_ " he breathes shakily _._ "I called the cops and they were both arrested. I had to stay in my apartment - in _that_ apartment - for three months until my lease was up. All I could think about for a really long time was what if I didn’t come home for lunch that day? What about Claire? What might have happened to her?”

Castiel takes in several deep breaths, obviously trying to calm himself. Dean has to sit on his hands to stop himself for reaching out to Cas.

“But I dealt with it. I got through it. I haven’t spent any time with anybody male or female outside of work since then. I didn’t want to. Then I moved here a week ago, and I met you when I didn’t want to meet anyone,” he continues. He clears his throat, and for the first time since he started talking, he meets Dean’s eyes. “Don’t you see? I... had a life and a child with a man who never even considered being monogamous with me a single day in our entire marriage and I had no idea. I - I was developing real feelings for  _another man_ who left my daughter in her crib to do drugs and have sex with someone else. I thought they were nice guys, Dean. I can’t - I shouldn’t be trusted with getting to know anybody else. I obviously have terrible judgement and I have to think about Claire instead of myself. I’ve caused her so much pain and confusion already…”

“Can I hug you?” Dean asks, his own voice rough with emotion. “You look so fucking sad, Cas, and I just really -"

But that’s all he gets out before Cas pillows himself against his chest. Dean’s beer almost goes flying but he just manages to get it and Cas’s onto the coffee table before he wraps his arms around him. Cas buries his face on his chest and _sobs,_ his entire body shaking with them. All Dean can do is hold him. So he does, and he shushes him, and he even rocks him back and forth a little. He lets his hand run up and down his back, through the thick hair on the back of his head, and just comforts him in a way he probably hasn’t been in a long time.

“I’m so sorry, Cas,” Dean says once Castiel has quieted down a little bit. “I know you probably don’t wanna hear it, but I’m so sorry all of that happened to you. You don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve any of it, and neither does Claire. God,” he curses, flabbergasted. “You’re both such _sweet_ people. Claire is so smart and such a good kid. And you - you’re _good_ , Cas. I know I don’t know you well, or at all, really, and I know it’s crazy, but I just… I _know_ you are, man. And you didn’t deserve any of that.”

Castiel sniffles in his arms. “I feel… sometimes I feel like it’s my punishment. For being gay. For turning my back on my family.”

“That’s bullshit. Sounds to me like your parents were the ones turning away from _you_ for being exactly who you are.”

Castiel lets out a watery laugh. “That’s usually what I tell myself when I’m not sobbing into a stranger’s chest.”

“Hey, you just told me your life story. There’s no way you can call me a stranger now,” Dean says gently, and Castiel chuckles again before pulling away. He grabs a few Kleenex, wipes his face and then blows his nose.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t expect to cry that much. This is the first time I’ve talked about all of it other than with the police officers,” Castiel explains.

“You don’t ever gotta apologize to me for how you feel,” Dean promises. “I’m really glad you told me, and I’m glad you let me hug you. Kinda seemed like you needed it and it was killin’ me not to help you.”

Castiel smiles softly. “Do you understand why I was reluctant to get to know you better now?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty crystal clear,” Dean answers honestly. “What I don’t get is why you went through all that and still let me back in here tonight.”

Castiel runs his hands through his hair. “I don’t know. I tried telling myself it’s because you can’t be that bad if you work with children, and with your mom, and own a successful business. But honestly, it’s like you said before. I don’t know you, but I just somehow _know_ you’re… you’re _good_. I know I thought that before and I was wrong, but it’s not a thought this time. It’s a feeling.” Castiel looks over at him shyly. “Now you probably think I’m crazy on top of being a basket case.”

“I really don’t,” Dean promises. “I know this isn’t gonna mean anything considering what you’ve been through already, but listen. I don’t know what’s gonna happen with you and me. If anything ever will. I dunno. I wish I could promise you that I’m never gonna hurt you but I might some day by mistake, and I won’t make a promise I can’t keep. But I _can_ promise you, no matter what, I don’t cheat on people. I’ve never cheated on anybody in my entire life, and I never will. I’ll even give you the first and last names of my exes just so you can check with them if you want,” Dean offers jokingly, and Castiel smiles at him in response. “I’m just not that guy. And more than that, I would never in a million years hurt Claire. Or any kid, really. But especially not her. I know you’ve got no reason to believe me, and I get that, but if you wanna keep spending time together and getting to know each other better, I can show you that you can trust me. We can - well, probably should, really - go super, super slow. Until you know that I’m not gonna do anything that would ever cause you the kind of pain you’ve been dealin’ with.”

“You… you still want to get to know me?” Castiel asks in confusion.

“‘Course I do. I think you’re pretty bad ass.”

Castiel scoffs. “I’m really not.”

“How ‘bout you let me be the judge of that, huh?” Castiel nods slowly. “I think we’ve both probably got enough to think about for tonight. What do you think about me comin’ back tomorrow night and we can talk a little more? Maybe I can tell you my life story next?”

“I think I would like that,” Castiel smiles. “Despite the heavy topic, I did enjoy the company. Your company,” Castiel corrects.

“Good. Glad I’m not the only one.” Dean gets to his feet and Castiel stands with him to walk him the short distance to the door. “Is it okay if I hug you again?” Dean asks.

Castiel moves in and wraps his arms around Dean’s neck. Dean settles his hands on his hips briefly before they slide around to his lower back to pull him in so their bodies are flush. Castiel’s just barely shorter than him but somehow his face fits perfectly in the space between his neck and his shoulder. Dean rests his face against his head, taking a deep breath to inhale the scent of his shampoo, and smiles when he smells honey. Just seems right somehow.

Castiel gives him one final squeeze before he breaks their hug and backs away a few steps. “Thank you for being so kind to me,” he says.

“You don’t gotta thank me for that. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Dean can’t resist lifting his hand to brush his thumb across Castiel’s cheek. Castiel smiles softly at him. “No more crying tonight, okay? You’re a good dad. A good guy. And you got a good kid. You’re gonna be okay now. I promise.”

Castiel’s eyes fill, but his smile stays on his lips. “Thank you, Dean.”

Dean smiles and drops his hand. “Goodnight, Cas,” he replies, then walks back to his apartment to get ready for bed.

When he’s lying in his bed a little bit later, staring at the ceiling, he promises himself that he’s going to do whatever he can to make sure Cas doesn’t have another moment of heartache for as long as he’s a part of his life. Cas has already had way too much, and he’s never wanted to make somebody’s life happier and easier more than he wants that for Cas and Claire starting right now.

He just has to show Cas that he can be trusted, and that he’s willing to take it as slow as he needs to with him in order to get there.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean walks into work Tuesday morning and greets Jess with his usual. “Hey, gorgeous.”

Her eyes are dancing when she answers. “It’s _really_ not fair that I met Sam first.”

“I tell myself that all the time,” Dean replies.

“A little birdie told me you might want to be down with the daycare kids this morning,” Jess says.

“Oh yeah? Tell me which one so I can shoot it.”

“I can rearrange your schedule if you don’t?” Jess asks, feigning innocence.

“No.”

“Hmmm. I also heard you had lunch with the kids _and_ I know you wanted to go down there again at the end of the day...”

“Why’d I ever think workin’ with my family was a good idea?” Dean grumbles.

“So, who is he?” Jess asks, smiling wide.

Dean gives her an amused look. “Don’t pretend your source didn’t already tell you everything.”

She laughs. “Busted. He’s cute by the way - with those eyes and that deep voice of his.” She fans herself dramatically and Dean tries not to laugh.

“We’re not even dating.” Dean tells her.

“But you wanna be.”

Dean never could lie to Jess. “So, what am I doing today?”

She arches her eyebrows knowingly, but explains his day to him without further comment. He stashes his stuff in his office and heads downstairs to see the kids. He waves to his mom and to Charity, a young woman straight out of college that Jess scooped up, then spends some time with Bentley and a few other kids playing cars. Castiel shows up about ten minutes later and Dean waves him over once they see each other. He considers staying in the sandbox but finds he wants to be eye to eye with Cas instead, so gets to his feet.

Castiel looks more unsure today -  maybe even a little shy. There’s something about the way he’s holding himself; how his shoulders are curved in a little bit more than Dean’s used to. Just like last night, Dean’s almost overwhelmed with how badly he wants to comfort him in some way.

He gives Castiel his most charming smile and says, “Morning, Cas. Hi, Claire!” She waves her little hand at him and Castiel lets her down where she goes to play with the other kids in the sandbox beside them. “I gotta say, I dunno which one of you looks cuter this morning.”

Castiel smiles shyly, his cheeks turning a little pink exactly the way Dean wanted them to. “Definitely Claire.”

“I dunno about that, man,” Dean replies, dragging his eyes up and down his body obviously. Then briefly remembering his manners, Dean checks, “You sleep okay last night?”

“Very well, in fact. I think perhaps all of the unattractive crying tired me out.”

Dean chuckles. “You’re gonna have to do a heck of a lot more than cry to be unattractive, Cas. Believe me.”

“Stop flirting with me,” Castiel says, looking at the ground. But since he’s smiling and acting relatively happy, Dean doesn’t think he really means it.

“You looked a little shy comin’ in here today, wanted to let you know I’m still into you,” Dean explains.

Castiel shakes his head in disbelief. “I’m a mess. I don’t know why you’d want to bother.”

“Can’t explain it. Just something about you,” Dean answers with a shrug. “I can tone it down if it really bothers you.”

“It doesn’t,” Castiel admits quickly.

“Good,” Dean grins.

“Do you work in the daycare every morning?” Castiel asks.

“Uh, no. Not usually. Perks of bein’ the boss though. I can be here if I wanna ogle my neighbor when he drops off his kid.”

“You arranged to be down here just to see me?” Castiel echoes.

“Maybe,” Dean dodges, but he smiles at Cas to let him know he’s right.

“Uncle Dean!” Bentley exclaims from the sandbox. “Come back and play cars with me! Look at the roads we built!”

“Sweet roads, buddy! Gimme two minutes,” Dean promises.

“Your nephew?” Castiel asks.

“It’s kinda a family affair around here,” he explains. “My brother Sam does the wellness stuff. Yoga, Pilates, nutrition, all that frilly shit. His wife is Jessica, who you already met, she’s in charge of memberships, hiring, schedules. She’s the brains, really. Then I have my aunt, for all intents and purposes, as the chef for the daycare. Her daughter Jo’s in charge of the aquatic Center. And there’s my mom and me, obviously.”

“Your father?” Castiel asks.

Dean frowns. “Part of that life story I’ll tell you later.”

Castiel nods slowly. “Okay. Well, I guess I had better get to work.” He hands Dean Claire’s Elmo backpack and then bends down to kiss Claire on the cheek. “Have a good day sweetie, Daddy will see you after work, okay?”

Claire waves goodbye to her dad and then looks over at Dean. “Dee!” Claire says loudly. She makes the sign for _[please](https://www.babysignlanguage.com/dictionary/p/please/)_  by rubbing her palm in a circular motion on her chest and holds out a car to Dean.

“That’s a good girl to say please,” Dean says, signing back to her when he says the word. “Sure I’ll play cars with you and Bentley,” he finishes saying, getting back into the sandbox.

“You know baby sign language?” Castiel asks, still standing there.

“Oh. Uh, not really. My mom told me a bit about Claire yesterday so I checked out a couple of signs so I’d know what she was trying to tell me.” Castiel is looking down at him with so much affection and adoration in his eyes Dean feels almost uncomfortable about it. “It’s no big deal,” he tries to brush off.

Castiel keeps staring at him with those soft eyes of his for a few seconds more before he seems to snap out of it. “I disagree. Maybe I’ll see you at pick up?” Castiel asks hopefully.

“I can pretty much guarantee it,” Dean says with a wide smile.

Castiel returns his smile and says goodbye to Claire again before he leaves. Dean watches him leave until he gets in his car and then turns his attention back to the kids.

* * *

Even though Castiel didn’t ask him to this time, Dean still finds himself going down to check on Claire at lunchtime. He has barely even poked his head in on Ellen when she says, “I’m already on it.” Dean hears footsteps behind him and turns to see his brother. “Got one for him, too,” she says.

“Hey brosef,” Sam says to Dean.

“Brosef? I’m ashamed to be related to you,” Dean says seriously.

Sam makes this obnoxious, “Haaah!” sound right in his face and Dean pins him with a sour look.

“Get outta my kitchen,” Ellen scolds them, and though they’re really just in the doorway and Dean doesn’t think _he’s_ done anything to deserve being kicked out, they walk down the hall and into the toddler room anyway.

“What are you doing down here anyway?”

“I’m coming to check out this kid that’s got you so infatuated,” Sam answers.

“I’m not infatuated with a kid,” Dean disagrees. “That sounds creepy.”

“Whatever,” Sam waves away. “According to the wife, you’re smitten, and since I can’t check out the dad, the kid will have to do.”

Dean rolls his eyes, wondering for the second time that day why he ever thought working with his family was a good idea, and walks through the door into the toddler room. This time he spots Claire sitting on the carpet flipping the pages of a board book. He waves to his mom and then walks over to go sit with Claire, completely ignoring his brother’s presence.

“Hey blondie,” he says to get her attention. She smiles up and him and Dean asks, “What ch’ya readin’?”

She taps on the book. “Book,” Dean says for her benefit. She signs for _[help](https://www.babysignlanguage.com/dictionary/h/help/)_. “Help?” Dean repeats, signing back the correct way. “You want me to help read you the book?” Claire picks up the book, gets to her feet, and backs up until she lands right in Dean’s lap. Dean grins at the practiced move. She’s obviously done this before with her dad. “Alright, _Goodnight Moon_ it is.”

Claire sits in his lap the whole time, paying rapt attention to every word he reads, pointing at different things in the pictures as he goes. When he gets to the last page she claps her hands and looks up at Dean, making her fingers kiss again. _[More.](https://www.babysignlanguage.com/dictionary/m/more/More)_ “More book?” Dean repeats, and Claire knocks on the air. _Yes._ Dean nods. “One more time, but that’s it, okay?” Claire knocks on the air again.

So Dean starts from the beginning, and again Claire sits quietly, but at least he gets the feeling she’s absorbing every single word. When he’s finished, he’s expecting her to ask him to read it again, but she just turns around and stands in the space between his legs, leaning up to wrap her arms around his neck.

She’s seriously the sweetest little kid.

He hugs her back, patting her soft curls, and then she pulls away a second later. “Da,” she says.

“Daddy? No, I’m Dean,” he says, wondering why she’d have that confused.

“Da!” Claire repeats, and then signs _please._

“Please Da?” Dean repeats, and Claire knocks for _yes_. “Ohhh! Do you want to send a picture to Da?” Claire just blinks at him. He digs his phone out of his pocket and Claire starts signing _yes_ enthusiastically _._ “You’re a smart kid, you know that?” He opens the camera app and turns it to selfie mode. “We already did a picture of us smiling and of a funny face. What’re we gonna do now?”

“You could blow kisses,” Sam offers from behind him.

Dean didn’t even know he was still watching them. Claire starts knocking excitedly again and Dean shoots Sam a dirty look. Sam doesn’t look apologetic in the least. Dean holds the camera up. “Okay, ready? One, two, three…” Claire blows a kiss to her dad while Dean smiles and he snaps several pictures. Claire blinks at him and Dean just somehow knows she wants to see the picture on his phone, so he shows her. She frowns at the picture.

“Dee!” Claire insists.

“Dee’s right here,” he points. Claire blows kisses and signs _please_.

“I think she wants you to blow kisses, too,” Sam says.

“I think you can shut the hell up,” Dean murmers, butlooks back at Claire. “Dee blow kisses, too?” Dean does it with his eyebrows arched. “Like this?”

 _Yes,_ Claire signs.

“You’re a little trouble maker, aren’t you?”

 _Yes_ , Claire signs again, and Dean laughs, knowing she doesn’t really know what she said.

Dean realizes he needs to learn to say no to the adorable little girl at some point, but today is clearly not that day. So he holds up his phone with one hand, leans Claire back into the crook of his shoulder so they’re both in the frame, and then takes a picture of the two of them blowing Cas kisses. Dean’s face may be a little pink in the photo, but Claire claps happily when he shows her, so he keeps the pictures anyway.

“Da?” Claire asks.

“Yeah, buddy, I’ll send them to your Da,” he promises.

“Da,” Claire says, pointing at her phone. _Please._

“Please Da?” Dean repeats. “You wanna see your dad?”

_Yes._

“Okay, I’ll see what I can do,” he tells her.

He starts a text to Cas.

 

 **DEAN:** Your kid’s pretty demanding, you know that?

 **CASTIEL:** I am aware, yes. What did she make you do?

 **DEAN:** Signed and mimed til I figured out she wanted to send you another picture. Started with this.

 

Dean sends the photo of Claire blowing kisses.

 

 **CASTIEL:** Awww!

 **DEAN:** And then she demanded this.

 

Dean sends the photo of both of them blowing kisses.

 

 **CASTIEL:** Well that just about killed me. That’s definitely more cute than I can handle. Warn a guy next time :P

 **DEAN:** lol

 **CASTIEL:** While I appreciate it, you didn’t have to check on her today. I know you’re busy.

 **DEAN:** I wanted to. We read Goodnight Moon. She backed her little hiney up like a dump truck until she landed in my lap lol

 **CASTIEL:** I am familiar with what you’re describing haha

 **DEAN:** The little menace pointed to my phone, said, “Da,” and signed please. So I’m pretty sure that’s Claire speak for, “I want a selfie of my dad.”

 **CASTIEL:** Did she really?

 **DEAN:** I don’t make the rules, Cas. Just passing along the message from the boss :P

 **CASTIEL:** I take terrible selfies

 **DEAN:** I really, really doubt that. Gimme that big toothy smile of yours, handsome ;)

 

When the picture comes in, Dean laughs. Because it’s definitely not a big toothy smile. It’s hardly a smile at all. Instead, his mouth is pressed into a tight line, he has his eyebrows lifted and his eyes squinted, and he generally looks like a dork. This isn’t an expression he’s seen Cas make before and for some reason he finds it hilarious.

“Hey Claire, look, it’s Daddy!” He turns the phone around and shows her.

“Da!” she squeals, clapping her hands. “Da, da, da!” She starts twirling around in circles, doing some kind of uncoordinated dance, and Dean shares a smile with Sam, who is also amused by the looks of him.

“You are so smitten,” Sam laughs.

“Fu -" Dean starts, but stops, knowing he can't swear at his brother in a room full of babies. So he bangs his fists together, giving him the _Friends_ version of the finger, and Sam bursts out laughing some more.

“Very clever,” he admits.

Dean sticks his tongue out at him and goes back to his phone.

 

 **DEAN:** You’re right, that’s a terrible picture haha Hope you don’t have an online dating profile up somewhere with pictures like that

 **CASTIEL:** Why make an online dating profile when I just can use my baby to get to the extremely attractive man next door?

 **DEAN:** You’re way more of a flirt via text than in person. I like it ;)

 **CASTIEL:** Only because I can almost guarantee that the words will come out properly this way lol And you can’t tell that I’m blushing.

 **DEAN:** Pretty sure you just gave it away :P Claire was very happy with the picture, btw. Started twirling around and clapping her hands like a drunk ballerina

 **CASTIEL:** lol And you?

 **DEAN:** I wanted a smile, but I’ll take what I can get. Still one of my new favorite faces :)

 **CASTIEL:** Maybe you can make me smile later? :P

 **CASTIEL:** … that did not mean to come across as suggestive as it seemed to

 **DEAN:** lol got my heart racing for a minute there. I thought we agreed on slow.

 **CASTIEL:** It was discussed, yes. I apologize. I just meant that I enjoy your company and am looking forward to seeing you again tonight. Even though I blubbered all over you last night, I very much enjoyed the adult interaction. And the hugging :)

 **DEAN:** In that case, I’ve got a confession to make...

 **CASTIEL:** You have my undivided attention

 **DEAN:** I like to act all tough and manly, but I’m secretly a giant teddy bear who loves cuddling

 **DEAN:** But if you ever tell anybody, I’ll have to kill you.

 **CASTIEL:** You just got a toothy smile out of me :D

 **DEAN:** Mission accomplished :)

 **CASTIEL:** Is it true though?

 **DEAN:** I guess you’ll have to wait to get to know me and find out for yourself ;)

 **CASTIEL:** Would cuddling get in the way of taking things slow? Asking for a friend.

 **DEAN:** You’re trouble, Cas. I can feel it. Now I know where Claire gets it from!

 **CASTIEL:** lol

 

Dean looks up from his phone when a plate of chicken breast, roasted potatoes, green beans, and a whole wheat bun is handed to him.

“Oh look, he _does_ look up from his phone,” Sam teases.

“Shut up,” Dean responds, tucking his phone back into his pocket.

“Been awhile,” Sam says.

“For what?”

“Since I’ve seen you like this,” Sam responds.

“Like what exactly?”

“All lovey dovey on somebody. It’s nice,” he says simply.

“Dude, I’m not lovey dovey on Cas,” Dean protests.

Sam gives him an amused look. “Since I’m the one who watched you snuggle up with a baby and read her a book, and I’m the one who can see you smiling and blushing at whatever he’s saying to you on the phone, I’m going to have to disagree. You totally are.”

“Whatever,” Dean answers, not wanting to talk about it anymore. “Want my beans?”

“Eating a vegetable won’t kill you, you know,” Sam says, but he leans over so Dean can scrape them onto his plate.

“That’s what you keep tellin’ me, but I don’t wanna take the chance.”

“Even Claire’s eating them,” Sam points out.

“Claire doesn’t know that she has a choice,” Dean argues.

“You like her, huh?” Sam asks.

Dean shrugs. “What’s not to like? She’s cute. And quiet,” he laughs.

“She won’t always be,” Sam warns him.

“Yeah. Seeing as I own a building with a daycare inside, I kinda get that about kids.”

Sam’s quiet for a few seconds before he says, “I didn’t know you wanted kids.”

“Why does everybody keep sayin’ that?” Dean grumbles.

“You know that’s what will happen if you date this Castiel guy, right? The kid comes with him.”

“Jesus. Do you wonder how I manage to get myself dressed in the morning, too, if you think I’m _that_ dumb?” Dean says bitterly.

“I didn’t mean - "

“I get it,” Dean interrupts him. Everybody thinks because Sam is genius level smart that he’s stupid. He’s used to it. “And for the record, we’re not even dating. We’re just getting to know each other. Taking it really, really slow. Cas has been… screwed  in the past. Bad. And I’m just gonna be there for him and be his friend until he knows he can trust me, and then we’ll see. So do me a favor and pass that around so everybody can get outta my ass,” he finishes.

“Language,” his mom says from across the room.

“Freakin’ super human hearing,” Dean mumbles, and Sam laughs.

“We should know better by now,” Sam says quietly, and now Dean’s smiling. Getting in trouble with his brother is one of his favorite things to do. Brings back a lot of good memories.

“Never was a fast learner,” Dean jokes.

“That’s bullshit,” Sam responds.

“Samuel Winchester!” Mary barks and this time Dean laughs. “Don’t think I won’t kick you two out of here,” she threatens.

“You come down here one day and now I’m gettin’ in trouble. Story of my freaking life,” Dean tells Sam.

Sam gives him an unimpressed look. “I want to meet Castiel.”

“Jeez man, I thought you dropped that.”

Sam snorts. “Hell-o! Have you met me?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean says absently. “Give me some time to get him to like me first before I have to introduce him to the rest of you yahoos.”

“I guess that’s fair. I’m used to us and even I think we’re still pretty nuts sometimes,” Sam agrees.

They finish the rest of their lunch in an easy silence, Dean keeping an eye on Claire as she devours her food once again, and Sam shooting him knowing looks. His phone buzzes in his pocket a few times but he ignores it in favor of Sam not bringing up Cas anymore. When they’re done, Dean says bye to Claire, and Sam and Dean walk back upstairs together.

“Dinner tomorrow night?” Sam asks Dean.

“Hell yeah,” Dean answers. Anytime he doesn’t have to cook for himself is a win as far as he’s concerned.

“K, see ya around,” Sam says with a wave as Dean heads into his office.

Jess must actually love him, because he got his hour of office time this afternoon between 3:30-4:30, so when it’s time to go downstairs to wait for Cas to show up, he’s in his jeans, his flannel, and his green canvas jacket. Compared to yesterday when he was a sweaty mess in baggy sweat pants, he looks and feels more like himself today and it gives him a small boost of confidence.

His mom’s right outside the door when he walks out, so he stops to say hello to her.

“You know, this little one was asking for you this afternoon,” she says, gesturing to Claire.

“Really?” Dean asks, surprised.

“If Dee really means Dean, then yes, you were brought up several times,” Mary smiles.

“She’s a cutie,” Dean smiles, feeling pleased to know Claire likes playing with him. “I’m gonna go play with her.”

“Have fun,” Mary tells him.

Dean picks up an abandoned ball on the way over to her. “Hey Claire,” he says brightly. “Wanna play ball?” Claire gets up off of the ground and holds her hands out. “I’m gonna take that as a yes,” Dean says. “Ready? Here it comes! Ball,” he repeats.

He bounces it to her gently but of course it still goes right between her legs, and Dean laughs when she bends over to follow it with her eyes and almost topples over. “Easy, buddy,” Dean tells her. She goes to collect the ball and then throws it back, but it goes nowhere close to him and Dean has to chase it.

Maybe ball with a one year old wasn’t the greatest idea.

“Hey, c’mere,” he tells her, holding out his hand for her. She comes over and Dean walks them towards the wall. “Try this,” he tells her. He holds up the ball, “Bounce ball,” he says. He bounces it off the ground and against the wall where it bounces back to him. “Claire’s turn.”

She reaches for the ball from his hand, looks up at him and holds up the ball. “Ball,” Dean says for her, and she smiles before she throws it against the wall. Dean chases it down and hands it back to her again. She throws it again, and it bounces in the completely opposite direction, which sends Dean chasing after it again. “Ball,” he says again, handing it to her, and she throws it again.

They do this over and over, neither of them tiring of it, until Dean hears Castiel.

“Hey, Claire Bear,” Castiel says.

Both Claire and Dean turn towards his voice and Dean sees a big, toothy smile on his face. He’s _cute_ when he smiles like that.

Claire holds up the ball Dean had just handed to her and says, “Ball.”

Both Dean and Castiel’s jaws drop.

“Did you just say ball?” Castiel repeats, grinning wide.

“Ball. Dee ball,” Claire answers, throwing it to hit the wall.

Dean reacts instinctively to get the ball before it rolls away. He looks at Cas, then looks at Claire, and holds the ball out to her. “What’s this?”

“Ball,” Claire answers, then signs _please_.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean breathes, handing her the ball and looking back at Cas.

“Is that the first time she’s said that?” Castiel asks excitedly.

“In front of me, yeah.”

“Did you teach it to her?” Castiel asks.

Did he?

“I dunno. Not on purpose. We were playing catch against the wall and whenever I caught it and handed it to her she looked up at me, so I just said ball. But I didn’t think she was gonna say it!”

Castiel has a giant smile on his face and a laugh rolls out of him. “And then she put Dean and ball together like a little genius not two minutes later. I can’t believe this! This is so exciting!” Dean can’t help laughing at his enthusiasm. Castiel crouches down next to Claire and says, “You’re such a big girl using your words out loud! That makes Daddy so happy when you say words like that!” He gets to his feet again. “I can’t believe this,” he says to Dean. “That’s two words in two days! We have been working _so hard_ on this, Dean, you have no idea.”

Dean beams at him. “Looks like it’s starting to pay off. Told ya you’re a good dad,” he reminds him.

“I’m so happy right now I’m just going to take the compliment,” Castiel says with a smile. “Come here, honey,” he says to Claire. Claire walks over to him, still with the ball in her hand, and Castiel lifts her up. Dean takes the ball, follows them over to the car, and grabs Claire’s Elmo bag on the way by for Cas. He waits while he puts her in the car and once the door is closed Castiel turns back towards Dean. “8:30?” Castiel asks, giving Dean a shy smile.

“I’ll be there,” Dean promises.

Castiel smiles before he goes to get in his car. He opens the door, but turns back to look at Dean before he gets inside. “You, um, look really nice today,” Castiel says quietly.

Dean grins wide and shoots him a wink. “Thanks for noticing. See you later, Cas.”

Dean can’t even begin to wipe the smile off of his face when he walks back into the yard.

“Your new boyfriend’s cute, Mr. Winchester,” Charity tells him.

“He’s not my boyfriend. But he sure as hell is cute,” Dean answers her.

“Huh. Well, I totally ship it, then,” she says.

“You _ship_ it?” Dean repeats.

“Yeah. Ship. Like relationship. I ship it. Want it to happen,” she explains.

“Is that teenager talk these days?” Dean asks, amused.  

She laughs. “Yeah, kinda.”

Dean nods. “I ship it, too,” he whispers, grinning. “You workin’ tomorrow?”

“Seven to three,” she answers.

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning, then. Have a good night.”

“Goodnight Mr. Winchester,” she answers.

“Weird hearing somebody call you that,” his mom says as he approaches her.

“You’re tellin’ me,” Dean answers. “Guess what?”

“You got a date with Castiel?” Mary says quickly.

“No, and jeez. Are people ever gonna get outta my ahhh - butt about that?”

“Assbutt?” Mary laughs.

“Language!” Dean chastises her and her head tips back as laughter spills out of her.

“What did you want to tell me, Dean?” Mary finally asks once she has herself back in order.

“Claire said ball,” Dean says with a smile spreading across his face all over again.

Mary’s mouth pops open. “That’s so exciting!”

“Cas was through the roof. Shoulda seen him.”

“She just said it out of nowhere?” Mary asks.

“Me and her were playing ball. Bouncing it off the wall. I kept saying it just for something to fill the silence, you know? Then she came out with it like it was no big deal,” Dean explains.

“That’s great,” Mary says again. “You’ve got the magic touch when it comes to her. Two words in two days!”

Dean grins. “Sure helpin’ me win brownie points with Cas.”

“I bet,” Mary chuckles.

“Anyway, I’m done for the day. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He kisses her cheek and she gives him a little pat on his, and then he heads home.

He makes himself a sandwich with potato chips on the side for dinner like the man child he is, and busies himself with a shower and a load of laundry while he tries to kill time waiting to go over to Castiel’s. He still has more than an hour to wait and he’s not all that full from dinner, so he decides to bake some cookies. Fifty minutes later, he has a dozen oatmeal chocolate chip cookies cooling on a rack, and another arranged on a plate to bring over to Castiel’s.

It’s only 8:25, but he goes over anyway. If he has to wait anymore he’s going to wear a hole into the kitchen floor. He knocks and Castiel answers almost immediately. He wonders if Castiel has been as anxious for this as he has been.

“Hey,” Dean greets him.

“Come in,” Castiel replies with a smile.

“I brought cookies,” Dean says, holding out the plate.

“I was hoping that smell was coming from your apartment,” Castiel admits. “Do they taste as good as they smell?”

“We’ll have to figure it out together. I resisted taste testing them.”

Castiel arches a brow. “You’re a stronger man than me.”

“I do own a gym,” Dean reminds him, and then they both laugh as they sit on the couch together. “Okay, that was pretty terrible.”

“I’ve heard worse,” Castiel says kindly. “I’m assuming you’d like some milk to go with the cookies?”

“What kind of monster wouldn’t?”

Castiel gets to his feet again and says, “I’ll be right back.” Sure enough, he’s back only a minute later with two large glasses of milk.

“Thanks,” Dean says, taking one. They both reach for a cookie and bite into them.

“Oh my god,” Castiel groans as he chews.

“Mmhmm,” Dean replies. “Nailed them.”

“You have no idea how long it’s been since I’ve had homemade cookies,” Castiel tells him.

“I like to bake,” Dean comments. “I can hook you up if you play your cards right.”

“Excellent motivation. I’m in,” Castiel answers quickly.

There’s a minute of silence as they eat their cookies and sip their milk. “So, uh, how was your day? I don’t even know what you do,” Dean tacks on at the end, only now realizing it.

“Oh!” Castiel exclaims, as if it hadn’t occurred to him either. “I work at the public library.”

Dean swallows a mouthful of cookie quickly as he feels his heart begin to race. “You’re a _librarian_?”

“Yes?” Castiel answers cautiously, probably due to Dean’s reverent tone of voice.

“Oh my god,” he whispers. “That’s gotta be in my top three kinks.”

Castiel chokes on his cookie and Dean grimaces.

“Sorry, was that TMI?” Dean laughs.

Castiel takes a drink of his milk and then clears his throat. “Just an unexpected turn of conversation,” he remarks, and Dean huffs out another laugh.

“Do you have those thick rimmed glasses?” Dean asks and this time it’s Castiel who laughs.

“I don’t require corrective lenses,” Castiel answers. “But I could always buy a pair,” he says with a smile.

Aaand they’re officially talking about role play. Dean feels desire swirl inside of him but pushes it away. “I’ll remember that,” he says happily. “Back to neutral territory. Your day?”

Castiel is still grinning when he replies, “It was good. I’m really just getting a handle on my duties at this particular library since I just started yesterday, but I’ve been a librarian for more than a year now and of course there are many similarities. I love the atmosphere, and I enjoy the work. There’s always something different to do each day.”

Dean nods along. “That’s one of the things I like about my job, too.”

“What kinds of things do you do?”

“A little bit of everything. I help out with the childcare every now and then, obviously. I run the spin classes I told you about, and I’m a trained lifeguard so I help in the pool sometimes. I mostly do personal training, though. I really like helping people,” he adds.

“That’s nice,” Castiel responds. “You’re not, erm, going to start trying to get me to work out, are you?”

“I like you the way you are,” Dean answers. He’s gotten asked this a lot throughout the years and has his answer down pat.

“I’m probably not in anywhere close to the kind of shape you are,” Castiel admits.

Dean shrugs. “Won’t see me complaining. Just because I own a gym doesn’t mean I’m ripped. I only work out so I can eat all the junk food I want without having to roll myself from place to place.”

Castiel laughs the way Dean wanted him to. “I’m selfishly glad to hear that. I have a bit of a sweet tooth.”

“Yeah, we’re gonna get along just fine,” Dean promises.

Castiel picks up another cookie as if to prove his point. “So, is this where you tell me your life story?”

Dean sighs dramatically. “I’m kinda crap at talkin’ about myself. But if you ask questions, then I’ll answer them. What do you want to know?”

“I can ask whatever I want?” Castiel checks.

“I’m not gonna answer anything I don’t wanna. So sure, go for it. But I wanna know stuff about you, too.”

“Twenty questions?” Castiel suggests.

“That sounds daunting. How ‘bout we start with five and see how they go?”

“Alright,” Castiel nods. “How old are you?”

“Just turned twenty-eight in January,” he adds. “You? 25 or 26?”

“I turned twenty-six in September.”

“Still a baby,” Dean teases.

“I certainly feel a lot older than that most of the time,” Castiel disagrees. “So I’ve kind of been dying to know... If you’re successful, kind, and easy on the eyes, why are you still single?”

Dean lets out an exhale quickly through his lips. “Goin’ right for the jugular, huh?” Dean teases. “Well… I don’t wanna sound like I’m full of myself, so I hope you don’t think that, but for as far back as I can remember, I’ve always been told that I’m good looking. Girls were all over me starting in middle school and all through high school, and I spent my weekends with anybody who could carry a conversation. Nobody ever kept my interest for long, and even though I wasn’t _actually_ sleeping with all the girls I was hanging out with, people thought I was. I got a rep for fucking around, you know? Which in a sick way only made me more popular,” he explains, still baffled by how that works.

“It wasn’t until I was out of high school that I found out I was into dudes. I stumbled my way on to a gay porn site after I finally admitted I was paying more attention to the dudes on screen than the chicks, and _boom_! A light bulb went off almost as quickly as 18 year old me did.” Dean turns a little pink at the memory and they both laugh a little.

“But this is a small town and my rep stuck. I was the guy who played people. As I got older and I tried dating a couple of guys, nobody was ever interested in actually getting to know me. They all still thought I was just there for sex, and once we had it, they moved on to the next person, thinking all I was gonna do is leave anyway. No matter how many times I tried telling them that’s not all I wanted, nobody ever listened. It’d last for a month or two, and then they’d give me the line about how it was never supposed to be a long-term thing and bail. It just never happened for me. Nothing ever stuck.”

“That sounds lonely,” Castiel comments, and Dean sucks in a quick breath. He hit the nail on the head exactly.

“I’m lucky that I have such a close relationship with my family and a couple of really good friends,” Dean tries to dodge.

“It’s not really the same though, is it?” Castiel asks.

Dean looks over to meet his eyes and finds he can’t lie to him. “No, it’s not the same at all. But, still. It could’ve been worse.”

“Have you ever had a long-term relationship?”

For the first time, Dean’s reluctant to answer. “Not really. Kinda embarrassing,” he confesses.

“Nothing to be ashamed of,” Castiel tells him gently. Dean doesn’t necessarily agree. “You mentioned that you didn’t sleep with _all_ the girls you spent time with. So I take that to mean that you did sleep with some of them?” Dean nods. “Do you consider yourself bisexual, then?”

“Nah, not really. I’m like a five on the Kinsey scale,” Dean explains, and Castiel nods his understanding. “I just didn’t know any better when I was younger.”

“I had some encounters with young women when I was a teenager as well, so I know what you mean, I think. Um, how did you come to own Winchester’s?”

“Ah, you’re lucky because you’re getting a two-for-one question here. It explains my dad, too,” Dean responds. “My dad died when I was ten. Brakes malfunctioned on the car he was driving and he went headfirst into a guardrail and died on impact.” Dean takes a second to swallow. It’s been almost twenty years but he still remembers it like it was yesterday.

“I’m so sorry for your loss, Dean,” Castiel says sincerely, and he reaches out to lay his hand on the inside of Dean’s arm. Dean finds he likes it there, so he covers Castiel’s hand with his own and smiles at him.

“It was a long time ago,” he answers. “So anyway, with what mom got from insurance and what we got from the car company, Sam and I had a lot of money coming to us when we hit 21. Sam’s always been more like my best friend than my brother, so I knew I wanted to work with him. We brainstormed for something we both liked doing that could actually make us some money, but it was my mom who suggested the idea of a gym. She put in some cash too, and we started building Winchester’s when I was 22.”

“Is your brother younger or older than you?”

“Younger. He was eighteen, and I wouldn’t have been able to start without him if it weren’t for mom. Had a minute where I thought we were fucked when we were about to open and Jess found out she was pregnant. Her and Sam were only nineteen when Bentley was born. That’s when mom came up with the daycare idea. Jess and Sam could both work and Bentley would be well taken care of and on-site so Jess didn’t have to be without him right away,” Dean explains.

“And Winchester’s is obviously doing well. I did a lot of research before we came by your daycare and it was easily the nicest looking center with the best credentials and reviews. You should be very proud of yourself.”

“Wasn’t just me. Couldn’t have done it without my family. But yeah, I like what I do, and I’m glad I’m not struggling to pay the bills or anything,” Dean agrees.

“Which begs the next question. If you’re doing well, why do you live in a dump like this?”

Dean laughs. “Thought about buying a house a few times... but, ya know. You mentioned the lonely thing. And I guess I get that way sometimes. Figured if I already feel lonely in my apartment it’d be even worse in a big ole house.” Realizing he’s been talking about himself a lot, he passes the question on to Castiel. “How about you? What’re you doing living in a place like this? Librarians make bank, don’t they?”

“I make a decent living. But carrying the costs of a household on my own isn’t easy. Daycare, for example, costs almost as much as my rent,” he points out.

Dean grimaces. “I’m runnin’ you dry?”

“No, no, no, that’s not what I meant,” Castiel says, his hand tightening where it’s still resting on Dean’s arm. “What I pay for daycare to Winchester’s is the same as I’d pay anywhere else. It’s expensive anywhere.” Dean still doesn’t like it. He’d never really thought about the cost for parents before. He files it away as something to think about later because Castiel is still talking. “Just part of being a parent. Then there’s the cost of all of Claire’s speech therapy appointments as well. I get by, and I’m not struggling, but this is all I can afford.”

“It ain't so bad, really,” Dean assures him.

“I like it quite a bit, but I’m not sure how much of that has to do with you,” he confesses.

“Well I’m not goin’ anywhere, so that works out well for me.”

“How many questions was that?” Castiel checks.

“I think you got a couple left over. I’m having a good time.”

Castiel’s smile is one of the toothy ones Dean likes best. “Me, too.” They seem to get lost in each other’s gaze for a minute. Dean takes in the bright blue eyes Castiel shares with Claire. They’re soft for him now, and Dean hopes his eyes always give away what he’s feeling so clearly because it’s plain as day that Cas is crushing on him. And he likes that _a lot_. “Sorry,” Castiel says suddenly, clearing his throat. “Um. Five year plan?”

Dean blows a raspberry with his mouth and Castiel laughs. “I don’t think about crap like that,” Dean answers quickly.

“So think about it now,” Castiel prods him. “I’d like to hear it.”

“Jeez. I dunno. I’d be what, 32, 33?” There’s silence while he thinks for a bit. “In a perfect world, I guess I’d be settled down. Married. Kid already here or on the way. Maybe a dog. Slowing down at work so I can spend more time with my family. Uhhh I guess I’d wanna live on the outskirts of town somewhere that I could have a garage and a whole lotta land. Gotta have room to play catch with the dog and the kids and grill outside. It’d be pretty badass to have one of those big ride on lawn mowers to mow the lawn,” he says, grinning, wondering where the hell that thought came from. He looks over at Cas and he’s grinning, too. “What about you?”

“Much of the same. I don’t want to stop working, though. I love my job. I’d like to work until I’m an old man, especially if I was with somebody who would be home to spend time with Claire. I would also like a house with a lot of space, but mostly because I’d like to have chickens some day,” he confesses.

“Chickens? Really?”

“And bees,” Castiel adds, grinning. “I’ve always been fascinated by bees.”

Dean bumps him with his shoulder and teases, “So you’re a bit of a weirdo, huh?”

“I am,” Castiel smiles wide. “I’d like more children if I found the right person. I hated being an only child and I’d love Claire to have the kind of relationship with a sibling like you seem to have with your brother. A part of me would like to get married again, but I think it’s too soon to say that I’d actually accept. Marriage is still tainted for me.”

“I can see why,” Dean says honestly.

He notices when he looks back at Cas to check his expression that they’re pressed shoulder to shoulder now. Neither of them seems to have moved away once he nudged him. It’s nice, actually. He debates moving away, not wanting to scare Cas off, but he thinks Cas would’ve moved away already if he didn’t want him sitting so close.

“So the last few questions were kinda heavy,” Castiel comments. “So let’s go lighter. Favorite food?”

“Oh no, this is the hardest one so far!” Dean laments. “I can never really decide what I like more: burgers, pie, or beer.”

Castiel frowns. “Beer isn’t food.”

Dean levels him with a hard stare. “We were getting along so well, too.”

A laugh bubbles out of Cas and Dean can’t keep his smile away. He’s really friggin’ cute. “Agree to disagree,” Castiel offers.

“I’ll convert you,” Dean assures him. “What’s your favorite food?”

“Pizza,” Castiel answers quickly. “I could eat pizza every day and never tire of it.”

“Mmhmm,” Dean agrees. “Pizza’s good.”

“Do I win brownie points back for that?”

“Maybe a couple,” Dean teases.

Castiel moves his hand from where it’s been resting on the crook of Dean’s elbow down to his wrist. His thumb strokes back and forth and Dean feels warmth spread through his body.

“Is this okay?” Castiel asks him.

Dean flicks his eyes up to meet Castiel’s and nods. When he responds his voice is slightly breathy. “Yeah, Cas.”

“I like that you call me that,” Castiel remarks quietly.

“Nobody’s ever called you Cas before?”

“No. My parents were much too proper for a nickname. Same with Arthur and his friends. Castiel is more sophisticated, so to them, more acceptable,” he reveals.

“I’m not big on the fancy stuff,” Dean says.

“Yes. The pie, burgers, and beer thing gave me that impression,” Castiel replies. “It’s nice for a change. Maybe that’s why you’re extremely easy to talk to. It’s not like making small talk outside of church or at a business dinner. It comes naturally. You make me feel comfortable.”

“Good! Something tells me you haven’t had a lot of time to just relax and enjoy life, you know? If I can make you laugh and feel good, my job here is done.”

“You’ve made quite an impression on Claire, as well,” Castiel adds.

“She’s adorable. Had me wrapped around her finger from the second she laughed when I pretended to wipe my snot all over her,” Dean chuckles.

“She mentions you often,” Castiel admits. “I hear ‘Dean please’ several times a night.”

“That’s funny, my mom said she was askin’ for me this afternoon, too.”

“Like you said, she has excellent taste in men,” Castiel smiles.

“Let’s just hope it stays that way,” Dean says teasingly.

“Don’t even make me think about that,” Castiel groans.

“Claire’s a smart kid already, she’ll be fine,” Dean assures him.

“You’re so good with her,” Castiel gushes. “I still can’t believe that you tried to learn baby sign language just to be able to communicate with her better. I can’t tell you how much that means to me,” Castiel says earnestly.

“Not a big deal. Just tryin’ to help the kid out,” Dean brushes off.

“It’s a big deal to me,” Castiel insists. “Arthur, who was supposed to be her father, barely changed a diaper in two months. He hardly even held her. You’ve already done more for her in two days than he ever did.” Castiel is obviously still angry about that since Dean can hear it in his voice. “Claire hasn’t had anybody besides me who’s cared enough about her to spend any time with her at all in a very long time,” he continues. “That’s likely why she’s gotten so attached to you so quickly.”

Dean shrugs, feeling slightly self conscious about how happy he feels knowing that Claire is beginning to get attached to him. “I don’t usually go for the little kids, you know. They always throw temper tantrums and have runny noses and hacking coughs pretty much all the time. And I don’t want you to think I’m only bein’ nice to her because of you, but I just _like_ Claire. There’s something about her. I dunno. She’s funny, too. Which is kinda weird to say since I know she doesn’t say much, but I dunno, I feel like I get her, I guess.”

“She _is_ funny,” Castiel agrees. “She loves making people laugh.”

“You did real good with her, Cas. She’s a good kid. Other than the three o’clock in the morning freak out, I’ve never even seen her cry.”

Castiel chuckles. “Well, she _does_ cry, but she is very much a happy child.”

“You know you get all the credit for that, right? She’s happy ‘cause of you.”

Castiel has a shy smile on his face. “Bringing me freshly baked cookies, complimenting my daughter _and_ my parenting? How am I supposed to resist you, Dean?”

Dean shrugs, and answers him with a smile of his own. “Don’t really want you to, remember?”

Castiel lets out a loud sigh. “I didn’t want to like you. I almost hoped that we’d talk and find that we didn’t get along at all.”

Dean shoots him a sideways smile. “Sorry?”

“I wish I could let this be as easy as it feels,” he says quietly.

“I’m glad it feels easy. It does for me, too. But like I said before, I’m happy going slow. I uh, kinda like you.” He tries to pretend he doesn’t feel like a teenager again. His stomach is full of butterflies and his hand is starting to get a little sweaty. He actually _really_ likes Cas, now that he thinks about it. Shit.

“Can I be perfectly frank?” Castiel asks.

“Always.”

Their eyes meet before Castiel reveals, “I feel… drawn to you.” Dean feels those butterflies take flight again and nods his understanding. He feels the same way. “I want to take it slow, and I know that I need to for both myself and for Claire. But I really dislike sitting this close to you and not touching you the way I want to,” Castiel confesses, dropping his gaze and running his thumb across Dean’s wrist again. Dean wonders if he can feel his pulse racing just from that.

“Yeah,” Dean nods, getting it. “I’m, uh, feelin’ some of that, too.”

“It’s been _months_ since I’ve been touched by anybody other than Claire. I just… I’m…”

“Lonely,” Dean finishes for him.

He can only imagine how touch-starved he might be if it weren’t for his close friendship with Charlie and the way his mom, Sam, and Jess always are with him.

“Yes, but it isn’t that I’m craving physical contact with just anybody. It’s you, Dean. It’s… different somehow with you.” Dean knows it doesn’t make any sense but at the same time he completely understands what Cas is saying. He feels the same way. It _is_ different with Cas and he couldn’t even begin to explain why. “W-would it be alright if I, um, just… allowed myself to be close to you?”

Dean feels absolutely everything inside of him melt. Cas is stumbling over his words. His face is flushed red with a beautiful blush, and those big blue eyes are turning darker by the second. “Jeez, Cas, how’m I supposed to say no to you?”

“I don’t want to give mixed signals,” Castiel tries to explain.

“Hey, no,” Dean reassures him. “I get it. If you wanna… I dunno, hold my hand, or snuggle in or whatever, I’m not gonna push you away, man. Probably couldn’t if I wanted to.”

“But the other stuff. The sexual stuff…”

“Told you, there’s no rush. We’re just getting to know each other. The other stuff can wait until I get you out on a real date,” Dean smiles at him.

“That could be a while,” Castiel warns him.

“I got time. ‘Til then, we can just be… snuggle buddies,” Dean jokes. He has a split second to think if Sam ever hears about this he’ll never need blackmail material again before Castiel answers him.

“But if I tell anybody you’ll kill me,” Castiel says, echoing what Dean told him earlier.

“Exactly,” Dean agrees. “C’mere,” he offers. He lifts his arm up and over Castiel’s head, wraps it around his shoulders, and pulls him in so that he’s curled against his side. They fit together perfectly and Dean feels like he’s glowing he’s so happy. “Better?”

Castiel rests his hand on Dean’s chest, and again, Dean’s heart thuds wildly at his touch. “So much better,” Castiel says, tipping his face up to look at Dean.

The second their eyes meet there’s that flash of attraction between them again. He can hear his heartbeat in his ears. He can’t stop himself from thinking about how easy it would be to dip his head down to close the few inches between them and press their lips together. Fuck, he wants that. He thinks Castiel might be thinking the same thing because he licks his lips and they part before Castiel’s eyes drop down to look at Dean’s lips. His heart is thumping almost painfully hard in his chest. Dean’s never wanted to kiss anyone so badly in his entire life.

Dean takes a deep breath and says, “You’re killin’ me, Cas.”

Castiel clears his throat. “Sorry.”

“You dunno how gorgeous you are lookin’ at me like that.”

Castiel exhales. “I could say the same about you. I’m extremely attracted to you.”

 _Don’t think about that_ , Dean tells himself. “Guess that’s the downside to bein’ close like this, huh?”

“I’m still not complaining, though. It’s nice,” Castiel admits. Dean hums his agreement.

“Hey, Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want to sound possessive or needy or anything… but you don’t usually sit like this with other people, do you?”

Dean frowns in confusion. “Not usually, no.”

Castiel nods. “I know we’re not even dating, so being exclusive is kind of impossible…” he trails off.

Then he gets it. “Hey, no. I’m not, you know, gonna date anybody else or whatever while we’re spending time together like this. I don’t even want to. I know it’s easier said than done but you don’t gotta worry about that kinda thing with me. I am 100% monogamous and have zero interest in anybody but you.”

“Thank you for saying that. I’m sure you understand why I feel the need to ask those kinds of things,” Castiel says quietly.

“I do. I’ll reassure you as often as you want. And I’m gonna show you that you can trust me, too. I’m gonna prove to you that you can believe me when I tell you I’m not gonna touch anybody else,” Dean promises.

“What if… what if I’m not ready for more than this for a long time?”

Dean doesn’t know what a long time is exactly, but he can be patient when he wants to be. “Then we wait a long time. If at some point I don’t want to anymore, I’ll tell you, but not every dude is gonna go sleep with somebody else if he doesn’t get sex for two months,” he reminds Castiel.

“That would be a long time to wait,” Castiel comments.

“Already been that long for me,” Dean admits. “Still alive and kickin’ without it.”

“I wish I had time to miss sex,” Castiel says bitterly, and Dean snorts with laughter.

“You’re cute,” Dean tells him. “You got any other questions for me, or am I off the hook for tonight?”

“I suppose part of me is wondering if you’re too good to be true.”

“Oh man, you are setting yourself up for _such_ a disappointment,” Dean jokes, squeezing his shoulder a little.

“Okay, well tell me about a bad quality of yours so I know you’re real,” Castiel jokes back.

“Easy. I’m stubborn as hell and I’ve got a quick temper. I make corny jokes all the damn time, curse like a sailor, and if I got a choice, I’d never take anything seriously.”

“Ooooh he does have a flaw!” Castiel says excitedly.

“Lots more than just one. It wouldn’t be fair if I had a face like this _and_ no character flaws, right?” he teases.

“The face alone already isn’t fair,” Castiel says seriously, and Dean laughs. “You know, before you came knocking on my door at three in the morning, I was trying to figure out how to accidentally bump into you to introduce myself.”

“You’d noticed me before?” Dean asks.

“Um, yeah, you could say that. I may have spent a few nights lying in bed trying to come up with a way to entice you into a one night stand,” Castiel admits.

 _Don’t think about Cas lying in bed. Don’t think about Cas lying in bed._ “Opening the door with no shirt on _without_ the crying baby in your arms would’ve worked,” Dean replies quickly, and this time Castiel snorts.

“What a little cockblock,” Castiel replies. The comment is so out of character based on everything he knows about Cas so far that it causes him to burst out laughing. Castiel sits up and looks over at him, obviously pleased with his joke. When Dean can catch his breath, he says, “Holy shit, Cas! I didn’t expect you to come out with somethin’ like that.”

“Was it inappropriate?” he asks.

“Yeah, that’s why it was so funny!” Dean explains.

“Nobody’s ever thought I was funny before.”

 _Nobody ever thought he was funny?_ “Man, you’ve got a past full of a bunch of stuffy church people and smarmy dicks, don’t you? Just wait until I introduce you to some nice people. You’re gonna be so much happier,” Dean promises.

Castiel slips his hand into Dean’s like it’s no big deal and Dean smiles when their fingers twine together. “That sounds nice, actually,” Castiel agrees.

“That reminds me, I’m going to Sammy’s for dinner tomorrow night so I probably won’t be able to stop by. If you wanted to, I mean.”

“I did. I actually have speech therapy with Claire tomorrow morning as well, so I don’t know what time I’ll be at Winchester's for drop-off, either,” Castiel tells him.

Dean sticks out his bottom lip on a pout before he says, “Well, shit. Tomorrow’s gonna suck then. Will Claire be there to play with me at lunch at least?”

Castiel smiles one of his toothy smiles and says, “Yes, she’ll be there by lunchtime.”

“That’s somethin’ at least.”

Dean sees Castiel look up at the clock on the wall and wonders if he overstayed his welcome.

“This is kind of showcasing the fact that I have no life, but… _The Voice_ is on tonight and I’ve been following it religiously,” Castiel says.

“You want me to take off?” Dean asks.

“No! I was wondering if you’d like to watch it with me, actually.”

Not the kind of thing he’d usually watch, but Adam Levine _is_ hot. “You gonna snuggle with me some more?”

“If you want me to?”

“I’m in,” Dean responds.

Dean isn’t surprised at all by how easy it is to just sit back and watch TV with Cas. The show isn’t so bad, and Blake and Adam are actually pretty funny together. He’s got his arm around Cas again and he has fun arguing over who they think is better during the Battle Rounds. He likes that Castiel actually argues with him and doesn’t just go along with what he says to keep the peace. That’d be boring!

When _The Voice_ ends, Castiel tries to cover a long yawn. “Guess that’s my cue to go, huh?” Dean asks.

“I would like you to stay, but I do have to be up earlier than usual to get Claire to speech therapy,” Castiel says sadly.

“What time do you have to get up?” Dean asks.

“6:45,” Castiel answers.

“That’s disgusting,” Dean replies immediately, horrified by the thought.

“I’ll sleep in again some day,” he says wistfully. Dean can’t even imagine.

He wiggles his hand out of Castiel’s and gets to his feet. Castiel stands with him and places a hand between Dean’s shoulder blades as they walk the few steps towards the door.

“Oh! You almost forgot your cookies,” Castiel says suddenly.

“Nah, those ones are for you and Claire. I’ve got more at home.”

“Thank you. I’m sure Claire will enjoy them as much as I did,” Castiel replies.

Dean doesn’t ask this time before he takes a step towards Cas and pulls him in for a hug. His hands settle on the curve of his lower back and Castiel noses into the space between his neck and his shoulder. Dean inhales the now somewhat familiar scent of honey in Castiel’s hair and can’t resist planting a quick kiss to his temple.

When Castiel backs away he grabs ahold of his hand and holds it in the space between them. His cheeks are a little pink and Dean wishes fiercely that he could try and see if he could get that blush spread across his neck and onto his bare chest.

“Good luck at speech tomorrow. Let me know how it goes, yeah?” Dean asks.

“Thank you, I will.” Castiel gives Dean’s hand a quick squeeze and then says, “I had a good time tonight.”

“Me, too, Cas. Best non-date with a super hot guy I’ve ever had,” Dean grins.

“Goodnight, Dean.”

“See you tomorrow,” Dean answers as he opens the door and finally drops Castiel’s hand.

It’s kind of stupid how hard it is to walk away from Castiel, and even more stupid when he realizes how badly he doesn’t want to go back to his own apartment and sleep alone tonight.

Despite the way he and Cas keep telling each other they’re not dating and that they’re going to take it slow, he feels like he just came home from a really, really good first date, and he already likes Castiel more than he’s liked anybody in a very long time. He’s almost giddy with it. Spending time with Cas and keeping things as platonic as Castiel seems to want is going to be hard, though. There really is an undeniable chemistry between them and Dean knows he’s gonna have to be really careful to keep his hands to himself. He’s got a feeling Cas is gonna be worth it though.


	4. Chapter 4

It’s kind of strange how just knowing he isn’t going to see Castiel this morning has put such a damper on the start of his day. This time yesterday he was really anxious to get to work and see both Claire and Castiel. Now he feels like he’s dragging himself there.

So it doesn’t surprise him in the least that the morning drags by, too. He spends his lunch hour with Claire again, and he texts Castiel as usual. For the first time, Cas tells him he’s swamped and doesn’t have time to talk, which doesn’t help his mood at all. In fact, he starts wondering if maybe Castiel thinks they’re moving too fast or regrets the cuddling thing from last night. That would suck, especially because of how much he enjoyed it, but Dean is willing to give him some space if that’s what he needs. He’ll just need Cas to come out and say it.

He’s a little cheered by Jess telling him that she’s making roast beef and mashed potatoes for dinner. It’s one of his favorite meals and he knows Jess will cook enough so that there’s leftovers for him to bring home for sandwiches. He spends his afternoon counting down the minutes not only until Castiel comes to pick up Claire, but until he can stuff himself with roast beef, too.

When he finally walks outside into the playground to wait for Cas at the end of the day, his spirits are soaring.

“Hey, blondie,” he greets Claire.

“Dee!” Claire exclaims. She toddles over to him and reaches her hand up for his. Dean has to hunch over a little so she can reach his hand, but he lets her take it and lead him where she wants to go. Today, it seems like she wants to play on the swings. Claire points up at one of the baby swings and then signs _help_.

“Help,” Dean repeats. “You need help getting in the swing?”

 _Yes_ , Claire signs.

“You got it, buddy. Come on up,” Dean prompts her. “Up,” he repeats. Seems like an easy word. Maybe she can say it next. She holds her arms up in the air and Dean lifts her up. “First you gotta pay the toll, though. One big squishy hug before you get in the swing.” Claire tilts her head and blinks at him in confusion, then points to the swing. “First a hug, _then_ the swing,” Dean says in simpler terms. Claire seems to get it because she throws herself forwards, wrapping her arms around his neck and Dean breathes in the sweet scent of Claire. “Thanks, bud. Let’s get you in the swing, now.” He places her in carefully and then grabs the front of the swing so he can pull her towards him. “You ready? One, two, three… go!” Dean exclaims as he lets the swing go and Claire flies backwards. She squeals in excitement and Dean smiles at her, her enthusiasm contagious. He tries to think back at the last time he had as much fun as Claire’s obviously having but comes up blank.

He should work on that.

Another daycare kid, Abby, comes over and soon Dean is pushing both of them in tandem. He doesn’t realize he’s lost track of the time until his mom comes over and he notices all of the other kids are gone.

“Hey, sweetie,” she greets him. “I just got off the phone with Castiel and he’s stuck at work. I told him somebody would stay behind with Claire, but can you keep an eye on her and Abby so I can call Jody to reschedule dinner?”

“What? No. You don’t have to do that. I’ll stay with her,” Dean offers.

“You don’t have any plans tonight?” Mary asks.

Dean thinks about the roast beef he’s been looking forward to all day, but lies anyway. “Nope, nothing. You go ahead.”

“Look, there’s Abby’s mom, now. I’ll get her taken care of and then we can talk more about Claire,” Mary tells him. “Abby, look! Mom’s here!” Mary exclaims.

Abby holds her hands out and shouts, “Mommy!”

Mary takes her over to the car and Dean smiles at Claire, who has an adorable pout on her face. She’s the only person Dean’s ever seen who can give Sam’s puppy dog eyes a run for their money.

“Da?” Claire asks.

“Da will be here soon, buddy,” Dean promises. “Do you want to keep swinging? More swing?” he repeats, signing to her.

She rubs her hands together like she’s wiping them off. Dean remembers this one. “All done?” he checks. She signs again, _all_ _done._ “Alright, out you get, then.”

He lifts her out of the swing and sets her on the ground where she toddles over to where her backpack is hanging on the hook and points at it. “Da!” Claire insists.

“Soon,” Dean promises. “Do you want to go back inside and play? Play blocks? Read a book?”

“Da!” Claire says even more insistently, signing _please_ this time, too.

Mary comes back over and hears Claire repeat her request again. “She must notice that all the other kids are gone,” Mary comments. She crouches down to Claire’s level. “Do you want Miss Mary to play with you, or do you want Mr. Dean?”

“Da!”

“I know, sweetie. Dad’s a little bit late, but he’s coming, okay? Do you want to go play with the water table?” Mary asks.

Claire’s eyes light up and she signs _yes_ excitedly before she reaches for Dean’s hand and starts towards the door to the classroom.

“Good one,” Dean says over his shoulder to his mom.

“She loves the water,” Mary explains.

Once they get in the classroom Dean goes over to take the lid off of the table and helps Claire roll up her sleeves so she doesn’t get _too_ soaked. The first thing Claire does is hand Dean a cup.

“I guess I’m playin’ too, huh?” Dean smiles. He pulls over one of the child sized chairs and takes a seat while he watches to see how Claire wants him to play with her.

“I really don’t mind staying,” Mary offers again.

Dean lifts his eyes to her. “You know I’m not leavin’ now ‘til Cas gets here. So either both of us stay and you miss out on dinner with Jody for no reason, or you can go and I can stay. Your choice.”

Mary crosses her arms and responds with a small smile on her face. “You always were the more stubborn of my sons.”

Dean grins. “I learned from the best.”

Mary smiles at that. “I’ll lock the door from the outside on my way out. I know I don’t have to tell you this, but _only_ open the door for Castiel. Even if you recognize other parents or children, they can’t be in here right now because I already signed them out of the building.”

“Yeah, ma, believe it or not, I know the rules. Since I helped make them and all,” Dean reminds her.

“Sorry,” she says, shaking her head. “Habit to give instructions before I leave. All you have to do before you leave is sign her out and turn off the light. And cover up the water table again.”

“I’m on it,” Dean promises, amused that she’s giving him more instructions directly after apologizing for it. “Go get ready for dinner, and tell Jody I say hi.”

Mary walks over to drop a kiss on the top of Dean’s head and then ruffles his hair. “Thank you, baby.”

“Maaa,” Dean groans, but he doesn’t really mind.

“I know, I know,” she answers. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” She crouches down so that she’s beside Claire again. “Miss Mary’s going home now, but I’ll see you in the morning. Have fun with Mr. Dean,” she tells Claire.

Claire waves bye to her, spraying her with droplets of water, and both Dean and Mary laugh before they exchange goodbyes once more and Mary leaves, locking the door behind her.

Dean pulls out his phone and texts Sam.

 

 **DEAN:** Cas is stuck at work so I’m staying with Claire until he shows up. Sorry, but I’m gonna need a rain check on dinner.

 **SAM:** You could bring her over if you want? I’m sure Bentley would love to have a friend to play with.

 **DEAN:** I would, but I’m pretty sure that’s kidnapping lol thanks though. Tell Jess I’m really sorry.

 **SAM:** We get the kid thing, don’t worry about it. She says she’ll still bring you leftovers tomorrow.

 **DEAN:** You are one lucky son of a bitch, Sammy. Talk to you tomorrow.

 

Claire tires of the water table after about twenty minutes so Dean covers it up and helps Claire wash her hands. She goes to the blocks next and Dean settles on the carpet next to her. He lets her do her thing and offers help whenever she needs it. He helps her make a stable base so she can stack the blocks easily, but when the tower climbs and starts teetering, he warns her it’s going to fall, which she seems to think is hilarious. So of course, that turns into a game.

“It’s gonna fall! Oh! Oh, watch out kiddo!” Dean warns her, and Claire giggles before she adds another block. It teeters even more and she claps her hands excitedly. “Uh oh!” She adds several more blocks before it topples over, and it turns out it’s not even the blocks that make it fall, but Claire losing her balance from laughing so hard and knocking the entire thing over.

“ _Crash_!” Dean exclaims. There’s a look of fear and surprise on Claire’s face as she lands on top of the blocks on the floor and when her bottom lip pops out, Dean realizes he might actually see her cry. “Safe!” Dean tells her, making the umpire sign with his arms. “You slid into home base and you’re safe! The crowd goes wild!” He throws his arms up over his head and wiggles his hands in the air, cheering for her fall, and finally, a smile spreads on her face and a new giggle bubbles out of her. Dean breathes a sigh of relief. That was a close one.

Just then, he hears a knock on the door. Both him and Claire turn towards it and Claire shouts, “Da!” when she sees Castiel through the glass window on the door.

“I’ll go let him in, you start cleaning up the blocks, buddy. Blocks away,” he repeats, and Claire gets down to business immediately. Damn, she’s a good kid.

Dean gets to his feet slowly - he may be in good shape, but apparently he’s way too old to sit on the floor for a half hour - and walks over to open the door for Castiel.

“Hey,” he greets him.

“Dean,” Castiel says, his voice deep and clearly unhappy. “What are you doing here?”

“Um, watching Claire?” Dean answers. He feels like that should be fairly obvious.

“When I said I was going to be late and asked if somebody could stay with her, I didn’t realize it would be _you_ ,” Castiel replies, his voice still hard. He looks angry, Dean notices. And tired. _Shit_. Maybe staying here alone with Claire was out of line? Maybe Castiel doesn’t want Dean to be alone with Claire. Fuck. Of course he doesn’t after what happened with that last dude. He didn’t even think of that.

“Shit,” he says under his breath. “I am so sorry, Cas. I didn’t think about how you might not be comfortable with this. My mom had plans and I didn’t want her to have to cancel so I just offered to stay with Claire instead of her. I didn’t think about how you might feel having me and Claire alone in here. But look, there’s security cameras,” he says, pointing to them around the room. “I can show you the footage if you want. I’ll show you right now. We just played with the water table, and then built a block tower, and -”

“Dean,” Castiel says again, but this time his voice is softer. “That’s not what I meant. I was under the impression _you_ had plans this evening.”

Dean frowns and rubs at the back of his head, ruffling his own hair in a nervous gesture. “Oh. Yeah, just with Sam, though. I cancelled.”

Castiel shakes his head and walks over to Claire to help her finish cleaning up the blocks. “Hello, Claire Bear,” Castiel greets her with a smile. Then to Dean, he says, “You didn’t want your mom to cancel her plans but you were perfectly fine with cancelling your own?”

Dean shrugs. “Not a big deal. I can go to Sam’s house any time.”

“You didn’t have to be the one to stay. That isn’t what I asked for,” Castiel tells him again.

“I know, Cas. I wanted to. Claire was kinda bummed when all the other kids were gone and I wanted to cheer her up. We ended up having fun, didn’t we, Claire?” Dean asks, smiling at the memory of her laughing her head off over the blocks.

“I believe I saw some of that when I first got here. I could hear the laughter from outside,” Castiel says, smiling at Dean for the first time.

“Told you, she’s a funny kid,” Dean answers.

Castiel puts the last block away and gets to his feet. “Is there anything else that needs to be done?”

Dean walks over to the clipboard to note the time, 5:40, and signs her out. He adds a note saying not to charge Castiel for the extra hour. It’s his time, after all, and he doesn’t want Cas to have to pay for that. “That’s it,” Dean answers.

Claire tugs on Castiel’s pant leg and signs putting something to her mouth. “Eat? Yeah, baby, we’re going to go home and eat dinner. I’m so sorry Daddy was late. You must be hungry, huh?” Castiel asks her, bending over to pick her up.

“That would make two of us,” Dean agrees. “I’ll walk out with you if that’s okay?”

“Of course it’s okay,” Castiel replies.

Dean grabs Claire’s backpack for him and they make their way out the door. Dean flicks off the lights and lets the door close behind him. He checks to make sure it locks and then follows Castiel to his car. Closing is kind of weird for him, since the gym itself is open so much later than the daycare. Because he’s thinking about that, he’s more surprised than anybody when Castiel takes his hand. And also kind of stupidly happy. He kinda thought Cas was mad at him - now he hopes his face being in the shadow of the building helps to hide some of his blush.

As usual, Castiel gets Claire in her seat and Dean passes him her bag to put inside by her feet.

Castiel turns to face Dean and then glances around quickly to see if anybody’s near. Finding them alone, he closes the space between them, running his hands down the lapels of Dean’s jacket. Dean likes having Cas close like this. A lot. He can’t _not_ smile.

“I realize you have already spent a lot of time with Claire today, but if you’re interested, I have pizza being delivered in the next ten minutes that I would very much like to share with you,” Castiel offers.

Dean’s smile grows impossibly wider. “Yeah?”

Castiel nods. “Yes. We are responsible for ruining the dinner you had planned and I would really like to make it up to you. Actually, I’d prefer if I was able to cook for you to adequately show my appreciation, but seeing as I’ve lost an hour already…”

“Pizza’s perfect, Cas. I’d love to have dinner with you two,” Dean interrupts.

“Claire is messy and loud, and often times cries when she wants out of her seat before I’ve even begun to eat…” Castiel tries to warn him.

“And I don’t care about any of that,” Dean assures him. “I’ll get my car and meet you at your place.”

Castiel smiles. “I’ll see you soon then.”

Dean’s almost skipping on his way back to his car, he’s so happy. He realizes once he gets there that he left his duffel bag in the daycare, but he’ll just grab it tomorrow. (He has more than one.) The drive home is short, and when he pulls into the parking lot he sees the pizza delivery car pull in behind him. Seizing the opportunity, he waits until the delivery dude gets out with his bag and then Dean asks, “For apartment 15? Novak?”

“Yes, sir,” the kid says.

“I’ll save you a trip since that’s where I’m goin’. How much?”

“$15.50,” the kid says after checking the receipt.

Dean pulls out a twenty dollar bill and trades it for the pizza. “Keep the change,” Dean says.

“Thanks, mister.”

Dean gives him a final smile before making his way into the apartment building and to Cas’s place. There’s no reason for him to stop home first. He knocks on the door and deepens his voice to disguise it before he calls out, “Pizza delivery.”

Castiel opens the door with his wallet in his hand and Dean bounces his eyebrows at him.

“So help you if you tell me you paid for that pizza,” Castiel threatens.

“Hello to you too,” Dean answers, pushing past him and into his apartment.

“Dean, I invited you here to return the favor after you helped me, not to be _more_ indebted to you,” Castiel tries to explain.

“Guess you’ll just have to cook for me another day to thank me for the pizza,” Dean teases.

“You’re extremely infuriating,” Castiel tells him.

“I know,” he answers, smiling unapologetically. “Where’m I putting this?”

Castiel springs into action, as if Dean’s presence had completely thrown him off and he forgot to play host until now. “Let me take that from you,” Castiel says immediately. Dean follows him into the kitchen, scooping up Claire and carrying her upside down eliciting a chorus of giggles coming from her with every step.

He turns her right side up and she sees the pizza and starts signing _eat_ and _please_ and _more_ in quick succession, making Dean laugh. “Girl after my own heart,” he says. “Pizza’s coming. But in the meantime, I think I’ll have Claire belly for a snack.” He lifts her up so that her belly is right in front of his face and pretends to bite her little round tummy while making growling and eating noises.

Claire laughs so hard she completely loses her breath, and Dean lowers her back down to catch his own breath from laughing with her. When he looks at her, he sees she has a mischievous little smile on her face like she’s waiting for more, so he indulges her by lifting her right back up for seconds and she loses it all over again.

Castiel has apparently been busy cutting up her pizza, because he brushes a hand across Dean’s shoulder as he walks past him. Dean lowers Claire down again to see what Cas is doing and sees him scrape the plate of tiny bite size pieces of pizza onto Claire’s highchair tray. Dean carries her over and sets her inside and Castiel takes over from there, buckling her in and setting the tray in place.

“What does Claire drink?” Dean asks.

“She has a cup of diluted juice in the fridge, but I’ll get it in a second,” Castiel says.

“I got it,” Dean offers. He opens the fridge and sees her little pink cup with the handles on it and brings it over to her. “Juice,” he says before he flips the top to expose the straw and hands it to her.

“Plates are above the stove,” Castiel tells him. Dean opens the cupboard and pulls down two plates. He finally gets a look at the pizza and approves of Castiel’s choice of toppings: pepperoni, bacon, and sausage. He grabs a few slices and a breadstick, then puts the same on a plate for Castiel.

“Drinks?”

“There’s soda in the fridge, or juice or bottled water,” Castiel offers.

“What’re you drinking?”

“Soda’s fine,” Castiel says, coming into the kitchen. Dean passes him one and takes one for himself, and they walk over to the table and each sit on either side of Claire. Dean wastes no time in taking a huge bite, and letting out a small sound of appreciation at the perfect combination of gooey cheese, greasy meat and tangy sauce exploding in his mouth.

“Thank god you didn’t order vegetarian pizza or some shit,” Dean says with his mouth still full.

“Language,” Castiel chastises him and Dean smiles as he moves his bite to his cheek.

“I get in trouble for that a lot,” Dean confesses.

“I am not surprised. And vegetables don’t belong on pizza,” Castiel agrees, finally taking the first bite of his own piece.

“I think I love you, Cas,” Dean teases, and Castiel turns a delightful shade of pink.

“All it took was pizza,” Castiel comments.

“I’m a man of simple pleasures, what can I say?” He looks over at Claire who’s banging her little hands on the tray. “Good pizza?”

 _More_ she signs.

Dean frowns. “You’ve got pizza all over the place,” he tells her. He stuffs his breadstick in his mouth to hold it there while he uses his hands to push the little bites of pizza that have scattered all over her tray back into a pile. He bites off a chunk of bread and asks, “Better?” Claire dives in with both hands so he takes that as a yes. He notices Castiel staring at him like he’s totally out of it and huffs a sound of amusement. “Hard day at work?” Dean asks Castiel.

Castiel seems to come back to himself enough to reply. “Not necessarily hard, I just didn’t realize they would want me to stay later to make up the time I missed for Claire’s appointment this morning. I won't allow that to happen again, especially not last minute. I don’t know what I would have done if it wasn’t for the daycare,” Castiel says gravely.

“Well you don’t gotta worry about that anymore because everything worked out just fine,” Dean reminds him. He pops the rest of the breadstick in his mouth and stands to go grab the box and bring it to the table so he can take another one. Castiel takes one, too.

“I was hoping I’d be able to work through my lunch to catch up, which is why I didn’t have time to talk to you this afternoon,” Castiel explains.

Dean smiles. “Good.”

“Good?” Castiel repeats.

“Oh! Not good that you couldn’t catch up, just good ‘cause I kinda thought you were wanting space or whatever,” Dean tells him, stuffing his face with more pizza.

“And you still thought that after I invited you over for dinner?”

Dean shrugs. “I’m used to people brushing me off, remember?”

“Do you always talk with your mouth full?” Castiel asks with a small smile on his face.

“Yup,” Dean answers around his pizza.

“That’s… off putting,” Castiel frowns.

Dean guffaws. “Not the first time I’ve heard that.”

“And yet…” Castiel gestures to how Dean has continued to talk with his mouthful.

Dean shrugs unapologetically and grins at him the best he can with such a big bite in his mouth.

Claire starts banging her juice cup on her tray. “No thank you, Claire,” Castiel says to her. Claire looks at him and bangs it again with a smile on her face. “I _said_ no thank you,” Castiel repeats himself. She bangs it again and Castiel flushes. “She doesn’t particularly listen all that well. She’s stubborn.”

“I can help with that,” Dean promises. He reaches over and takes her cup away. “Problem solved.”

Both Claire and Castiel are looking at him like he has three heads. Claire reaches forwards for the juice cup and starts to work up a pout.

“You want your juice back?” Dean asks. Then he rephrases, “More juice?” Claire signs for yes. “Bang it again and it’s all gone,” he explains. He bangs it on the table and then signs _all gone_. She should be able to get that. She signs for please and Dean hands it back. She keeps her eyes on him, but doesn’t bang it again. She drinks from the cup and bangs her hands on the tray of her highchair instead. It’s slightly less annoying, and technically she isn’t banging her cup. Dean shrugs and looks over at Cas. “I’ll take it.”

“You just… took her cup away,” Castiel says as if he doesn’t understand what just happened.

“She was being a jerk,” Dean replies.

“She’s a year old!” Castiel argues.

“But she’s not stupid. She knew what you were saying and did it anyway. When kids don’t listen, they get consequences.”

Castiel’s mouth opens and closes several times before he says, “I didn’t think she would understand that at this point.”

Dean shrugs. “Bentley did at her age. And it seems like she got it since she stopped.” Then it occurs to him that maybe he shouldn’t have butted in like that. “I’m, um, sorry if I overstepped. Didn’t really think about it. Just wanted the banging to stop,” he says uncomfortably.

Castiel tilts his head like he’s confused. “What you did - it... didn’t bother me.”

“Good. Don’t wanna piss you off,” Dean says, wincing when he hears the swear come out of his mouth again. “Sorry. I’m working on it,” he promises.

Castiel seems to shake himself out of his confusion with a laugh. “More pizza?”

“Yes please,” Dean answers.

Castiel gets up to grab them each another slice, and they dig in. Claire starts making some noise so Dean hands her a breadstick. She looks at it like she’s never seen such a thing before grabbing it and banging it on the table. Whatever. Still better than the cup.

“She’s never had one before,” Castiel tells him.

“Oh. She had garlic bread the other day so I figured it’d be okay?” Dean says with a half question.

“She should be fine,” Castiel answers.

“You know if I do something you don’t want me to you can just tell me to back off or whatever, right?”

“I would have anyway, but I appreciate you saying so. You seem easy with her,” Castiel remarks.

“We hang out at lunch, remember?” Dean reminds him. “We’re buds.” He looks over at Claire and sees her gnawing on the breadstick. It’s getting all soggy and gross, but at least she’s quiet.

“This is the first time in a long time that I can remember having time to actually eat a meal while it’s hot with no screaming in the background,” Castiel comments.

“Must be the company,” Dean teases.

“Although possible, I think it’s more due to the fact that I have an extra pair of hands to help. It’s strange. I’m fighting my instincts to insist upon doing everything myself even though all I’ve wanted for the last six months was somebody to help me,” Castiel confesses.

“I’d be fighting those instincts for you if you weren’t. I know you _can_ do everything by yourself because you have been all along, but if I’m here I’d like to help as much as you’ll let me,” Dean says honestly.

“It’s not your job to babysit my daughter,” Castiel points out.

“Not after hours, anyway,” Dean responds, and Castiel smiles a little. “I know it’s not my job, but I like you, Cas. I wanna do whatever I can to make your life a little bit easier. Is that so bad?”

Castiel smiles wider. “No, it’s not bad. I just have to get used to it.”

“I hope you will,” Dean says honestly. “But for the record, I don’t do vomit or diaper changes.”

“That’s more like the kind of help I expect from people,” Castiel laughs.

“Glad to hear I’m at least meeting your expectations,” Dean grins.

Castiel shakes his head. “You’ve already blown all of my expectations out of the water.”

“Let’s hope I can keep it up.” The breadstick Claire had been chewing on suddenly goes flying onto the kitchen table. It’s soggy and gross looking and Dean grimaces at it. “That’s disgusting.”

They both turn to look at Claire and she’s signing _all done_. “All done,” Castiel repeats. “Me, too. Are you finished, Dean?”

Dean chews his last bite and nods his head. “I’ll get the plates and clean off her tray if you take the breadstick and the baby disguised as pizza,” Dean bargains.

Castiel opens his mouth to protest but Dean raises his eyebrows. Castiel sighs before he says, “That would be a big help. Thank you.”

Dean’s so proud that Cas is finally letting him help without protest that he beams at him.

They each take care of their prospective jobs, and Dean has finished loading the dishwasher, wrapping up the rest of the pizza, washing the tray, and is just wiping down the kitchen table when Castiel comes back from down the hall. Claire is in a pair of footy pajamas and her previously orange face is clean again. She runs over to Dean to wrap her arms around his leg before she starts bouncing excitedly.

“Look at that pretty girl all cleaned up,” Dean says, brushing her hair out of her eyes. She smiles up at him and makes an _oooooh_ sound at him before she takes off to go play with her toys. Dean finishes the table and goes to rinse off the cloth before he puts it back to where he found it.

“All done,” Dean tells Castiel.

Castiel’s eyes are soft when he says, “Thank you for your help.”

“Anytime,” Dean answers quickly. “Now what?”

“Claire usually plays with toys until we start the bedtime routine at 7:30,” Castiel explains. “You’re free to stay if you’d like, but I understand if you’d like time to yourself.”

“I got nothin’ else going on. I’d like to stay,” he tells him.

Castiel smiles and takes his hand to lead him to the living room. Their hands stay linked when they sit down on the couch, and their thighs press together, too. Dean leans into the warmth of Castiel’s body without thinking about it, and soon they’re pressed shoulder to shoulder. It feels amazing.

It doesn’t last long, though. Between getting up to play with Claire or helping her when she needs it or comforting her when she falls down, they’re barely on the couch at the same time for more than a few minutes. But Dean’s fine with it. He’s more than happy with the few minutes of handholding in between helping out with Claire.

At 7:15, Castiel gives Claire a cup of milk, and she curls up between them to gulp it down. Dean plays with her feet and Castiel runs his fingers through her blonde curls. Dean feels almost unbearably happy.

At 7:30, Castiel takes her to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Dean watches from the hallway and is amused to see there’s some fighting over it. Claire really _is_ stubborn and apparently doesn’t want to open her mouth, so Dean helps by making funny faces to make Claire laugh and keep her mouth open. Castiel explains he’s going to change her diaper, and Dean takes the opportunity to use the bathroom himself. When he’s all done in there, he pokes his head in Claire’s room where Castiel is just zipping up her sleeper.

“I’m just going to read her a bedtime story and then I’ll be right out,” Castiel says, hitching her onto his hip.

Dean understands it’s a dismissal. He nods his consent. “Have a good sleep, blondie. Dean’ll see you at daycare, okay?”

Claire reaches out with her arms and Castiel smiles. “Seems like she might want a goodnight hug.”

“Hug?” Dean asks and Claire signs _yes_. “How could I say no to that?” He tries to hide the fact that his heart is melting but he knows he probably is failing. Claire leans in until Dean has her in his arms, and she lays her little head on his shoulder while he hugs her with his hand and smooths her hair down. He has the urge to kiss the top of her head but can’t seem to do it with Castiel watching him. He doesn’t know if it’s appropriate or not. Instead, he gives her one more squeeze and says goodnight again before he hands her back to Cas.

“We won’t be long,” Castiel reassures him.

Dean walks back out to the living room and cleans up the few toys Claire had left out. He takes her milk cup and places it in the dishwasher after removing the straw, and then with nothing left to do, he goes and takes a seat on the couch. Since the TV isn’t on and the walls are paper thin, he can hear the low timber of Castiel’s voice reading to Claire. He can’t hear the words, but he can hear the inflection in his voice as he reads and he can hear little sounds from Claire every now and then. A part of him wishes he could be in there with them. Not a part of what they’re doing, since it’s obviously _their_ thing, but just there to see the two of them being adorable together. When he thinks about two pairs of matching blue eyes looking up at him from the rocking chair he feels an ache, like he’s missing out on something, but he pushes it aside. He’s not Claire’s dad, and he’s not even Castiel’s boyfriend. He doesn’t get to want that yet. Maybe he can someday, but he’s not supposed to after only knowing the guy for three days. He must be lonelier than he thought he was.

He didn’t notice the absence of Castiel’s voice until he hears him speak to him. “Sorry about that,” Castiel says quietly. “I think she’s out now.”

“Good job,” Dean tells him, smiling softly as Castiel sits beside him.

Dean lifts his arm so Castiel can snuggle in and they both let out soft sighs of contentment when he does.

“You didn’t have to pick up all of the toys,” Castiel points out.

“I know. But you were busy and otherwise I just woulda been sitting here staring at them. Figured it would give me extra cuddle time, too,” Dean confesses.

“Mmmm,” Castiel answers. “I can’t argue that.” They’re quiet for a little while, both of them seemingly enjoying the silence and the company. Dean specifically is enjoying the closeness. He wasn’t lying when he told Cas that he’s a giant teddy bear. “Tonight was nice,” Castiel says. “I appreciate all of your help today.”

“I was happy to do it,” Dean insists. “I can’t believe you have to do all this every night. I’m tired already.”

“I’m used to being perpetually tired at this point,” Castiel says with humor evident in his voice. Dean still doesn’t like it though. Castiel works too hard. He deserves a break.

“One day, if we get to a place where you’re okay with me bein’ here with Claire without you, I’ll come over and let you sleep in. On a weekend. Me and Claire can just hang out here and bake cookies and you can sleep,” Dean promises.

“That sounds heavenly,” Castiel admits, snuggling in a little closer. “And… I do trust you with her, Dean. It may be foolish, but I didn’t even think about what you said earlier at the daycare until you brought it up. There wasn’t a single second of panic when I saw you alone with Claire in the building, and I certainly felt no pressing need to see the security cameras.”

Dean softens. “That’s great, Cas.”

“I don’t know how I feel about it at home. It feels safer somehow at the daycare. But I think if push came to shove, I would be okay with it.”

“I’m glad. But hopefully it won’t come to that until you’re sure. No pushing or shoving about it, unless you’re just pushing me and Claire out the door so you can have some time to yourself,” he teases.

Castiel laughs. “I don’t even know what I would _do_ with myself.”

“Think about it, because it’s happening sooner or later,” Dean promises.

Castiel makes a happy sound in his throat. “I didn’t think today was going to end this way.”

“Me neither,” Dean responds. “Glad it did, though.”

“Me, too,” Castiel says quietly.

“How did the appointment go this morning, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Oh! I forgot I didn’t tell you. It was great. Caroline, that’s Claire’s speech pathologist, was absolutely thrilled by her new words and all of the signs she’s picked up since the last appointment a month ago. She was probably happier than I was when I told her Claire put Dean and ball together,” Castiel says happily.

“I doubt that,” Dean disagrees, remembering Castiel’s smile. “So uh, what can I do to help Claire? Does she tell you that kind of stuff?”

“She does. Right now, she thinks repetition and speaking in short, two-to-three word sentences to Claire will help the most. She really stressed repetition, and just talking out loud to her as often as I can. She mentioned narrating the things that Claire does. Like, ‘Claire is putting on her shoes. Claire’s shoes.’ Or, ‘Claire wants to play cars. Play cars.’”

“Yeah, that makes sense. I can do that. I’ll pass it on to the other workers in the daycare, too,” Dean says.

“You already _do_ do that.”

“Hah! You said do-do!” Dean cuts in.

“Wow,” Castiel says dryly, and Dean snorts at his reaction. “ _Anyway_ … The ball thing, for example, how you kept saying it and then giving her the ball afterwards. Apparently that’s motivating for her, according to Caroline. I noticed you did the same thing tonight with her juice. Just simple things like, ‘more juice’ is exactly what Caroline wants us to say. Me to say, I mean,” Castiel corrects quickly. “So you just keep doing what you’re doing.”

“With a lot more repetition. She’s gonna get sick of hearing me talk I’m gonna do it so much,” Dean jokes.

“Dean,” Castiel sighs happily. “You don’t know what all of this means to me. That you’re willing to spend time with me _and_ Claire like you did tonight, and that it didn’t feel like you were just counting the minutes until she went to bed. Seeing you playing with her and making her laugh, helping her at dinner without me asking, and then on top of that just helping out around the house when I would never in a million years ask you to do that…” Castiel shakes his head. “The way to _my_ heart is through that little girl, and you’re bulldozing your way in so much faster than I want you to.”

Dean feels a sense of urgency run through him with the need to explain that he isn’t using Claire to get closer to him. He sits up straighter and shuffles until Castiel sits up, too, so that they’re face to face. “You know I’m not doing that on purpose, right? I’m not doing any of that stuff with Claire just to get to you. I’m doing it because it’s the decent thing to do. I’m exactly the same way with Bentley when I’m there for dinner, and I can guarantee you it isn’t because I want in anybody’s pants,” Dean assures him.

Castiel places his hand on Dean’s knee. “I don’t think that. Not for a second.”

“But?” Dean says, hearing it clear as day.

“I don’t know how to keep spending time with you like this and not want more,” Castiel finishes.

That sounds… hopeful? Shit, he doesn’t know.

“I… I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say, Cas. I want whatever you can give me. If I could, I’d take you out on a date right now. Hold your hand and buy your dinner. Stand at your door with my hands sweating wondering if you’re gonna let me kiss you for the first time. I want all that. But I only want it when you want it too.”

“I want it,” Castiel says so quietly it’s almost a whisper. “I just don’t want to want it.”

Dean exhales as his stomach drops. So much for hopeful. “I dunno what to do with that.”

“Me neither,” Castiel agrees.

All Dean wants is for Castiel and Claire to be happy. He doesn’t want Castiel to feel like he’s pushing his way into his life if that’s not what he wants. He pretends his heart isn’t already aching when he asks, “You… want some space?”

Castiel seems to think about it, and the seconds feel like hours. “No, I don’t think so. I would like to see you again, maybe after Claire is asleep though. I don’t want her to get too used to you being around all the time if, well, you’re not always going to be.”

“I get that,” Dean says quickly. “You know I don’t wanna do anything to hurt her.”

“I do,” Castiel answers, and Dean smiles. That’s half the battle here, as far as he’s concerned.

“I got a standing Friday night thing with some of my friends, but I can come over tomorrow night if you want? Maybe we can watch a movie,” Dean suggests. Kind of make it like a date night without leaving the house, he muses. Maybe they’ll see how Castiel feels after that.

“I would like that. I like spending my evenings with you.”

He just doesn’t _want_ to like it, Dean repeats to himself. “Hey, uh, is there anything I can do to make any of this easier on you? To help you want to want this?” Dean wonders aloud, gesturing between them.

“I don’t know if I’d tell you if there was,” Castiel answers. _That’s_ cryptic. “You don’t need any more help in that department, believe me.”

“Not gonna lie, Cas, that makes me really freaking happy,” Dean grins.

“Can you do me a favor?” Castiel asks.

“Anything,” Dean says quickly.

“Stop being so likeable,” Castiel says, and Dean sees his eyes dancing with amusement.

“Can’t help you there, man. I’m like a babe magnet,” he teases.

“I _am_ attracted to you,” Castiel says with a small smile on his face, and Dean actually rolls his eyes.

“Oh my god, you giant nerd,” he laughs.

“That was funny! Magnets are attracted to each other!” Castiel insists.

“Oh, I got the joke, that's why I think you’re a nerd. You and my brother are gonna be thick as thieves, I can see it now. You’re gonna be talkin’ about books and documentaries and… freakin’ bees!” Dean adds, laughing at the thought.

Castiel’s eyes shine with excitement. “Does he actually know about bees?”

“Sam knows something about everything,” Dean says. “But now I wanna keep you away from him if your eyes are gonna light up like that for him instead of me.”

Castiel bumps his shoulder against Dean’s with a small smile on his face. “I suppose I’m doing a better job of hiding how much I like you than I thought I was if you can’t see the same thing when I look at you.”

Dean’s heart tumbles in his chest because he _can_ see it but wasn’t exactly sure that’s what it was. Without meaning to, he catches Castiel’s eyes and while he can see a little bit of uncertainty there, there’s still the softness and warmth Dean can usually see whenever Cas is looking at him. And man, he could get lost in these eyes. He can almost see them heat up the longer they maintain eye contact. He knows Cas must be just as attracted to him as he is to Cas, and it’s killing him not to make a move. Slowly, his eyes drift down Castiel’s face and he follows the line of his hard jaw. He drags his eyes over to his pink, honestly kinda dry looking lips, and Castiel’s tongue darts out to lick them. He lifts his eyes back to Castiel’s, ready to try and say something to break the sexual tension between them, but then he notices that Castiel’s moving closer.

Leaning in towards him.

Slowly.

Extremely slowly.

Castiel’s eyes drop to his lips and Dean licks them without thinking, automatically getting himself ready to finally kiss him the way he’s wanted to since he first took in the sight of his bare chest and after-sex hair. He can feel his pulse quicken, anticipation and want curling in his stomach. He can’t wait to feel those plush lips against his, to feel the attraction between them sizzle when their lips meet...

But then he remembers his promise to take it slow. To give Castiel what he needs. And he doesn’t think complicating what they already have with a kiss - with what he damn well knows won’t be a single, chaste kiss - is what Castiel needs, regardless of how much Dean wants it.

Through all of these thoughts, Castiel has been moving steadily closer, and his eyes have drifted closed, and it takes every ounce of willpower Dean possesses to turn his head and nuzzle against his cheek before he kisses a gentle trail across Castiel’s jaw and back towards his ear. He hears Castiel let out a soft moan and he swears the sound goes directly to his already thickening cock. He hasn’t been this worked up this easily in _years_. He cups Castiel’s face with his hand and kisses him on the bolt of his jaw once more before he backs away.

Castiel’s face is flushed and his eyes are darker than they were and Dean has to swallow down the thickness in his throat before he can try to explain. His voice comes out lower than usual when he says, “You don't know how much I want to really kiss you, Cas. But I don’t want to ruin anything between us just because we’re attracted to each other. I want to kiss you when you know I’m what you want and you’re okay with wanting me like I want you.”

“I - I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to - I just - you look at me like that and I can’t -” Castiel tries to explain.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Dean tells him, running his thumb over his cheekbone. “I get it. I have a hell of a lot more willpower than I ever thought I had. You’re so fucking hot, Cas. You have no idea how much I want to taste you.”

“Dean,” Castiel says on a whine.

“Shit, sorry, not helping, right?” he smiles nervously, dropping his hand from Castiel’s face and sliding his fingers between Cas’s instead. “Just wanted you to know that what just happened wasn’t a rejection, you know? It wasn’t ‘cause I’m not into you. It’s because I am. I wanna do it how you wanna do it, and I didn’t think making out on the couch three days after we met was what you were goin’ for.”

Castiel takes a deep breath and exhales shakily. “My mind and my body aren’t exactly on the same page when I’m close to you like this.”

“One outta two wanting me isn’t bad, but I’m kinda selfish and I want it all. I’ll wait.”

Castiel drops his head back onto the couch and groans. “Why does you being sweet and patient about this only make me want to kiss you more?” Castiel says in frustration.

Dean laughs. “I’m the forbidden fruit now. That automatically ups my sexy factor.”

“I’m doomed then, because I could hardly resist you to begin with,” Castiel confirms, lifting his head up again.

Dean has to clench his hands into fists to keep himself from touching Cas the way he really wants to. “I think that’s my cue to go,” Dean realizes. “I don’t think I can say no to you again and I think we’re both a little worked up right now.”

“You are not wrong,” Castiel agrees. “Thank God for jeans.”

Dean’s eyes drop to Cas’s pants automatically and he tries to search out his erection underneath before he can stop himself. He feels his own cock stirring to attention the more he thinks about it and has to fight back the additional wave of desire that crashes into him just thinking about it. “Fuck,” he says under his breath, running his hand down his face. “You stay right there. Don’t move. And I’ll let myself out,” Dean says, holding a finger up to steady him and backing away slowly like he’s trying to outmaneuver a wild animal.

Castiel lets out a shaky laugh. “This is ridiculous,” he says.

“Drastic times call for drastic measures or whatever,” Dean reminds him, finally getting to his feet. Castiel’s eyes are several feet south of his eyes and when he looks down he can see his jeans aren’t doing quite as good of a job at hiding the current situation down there as Castiel’s are. “Uhm,” Dean stutters, not exactly sure what the appropriate protocol is here. He decides to turn around and walk towards the door. “Let’s just pretend this never happened, okay?”

“I’m fairly certain I’ll be able to take care of _what’s happening_ to me in about thirty seconds once you close that door,” Castiel says, his voice still breathy.

 _Holy shit,_ Dean thinks as his brain fries, _was that supposed to come out the way it sounded?_

When Dean cranes his neck around to see the smile on Castiel’s face and his flush now spread across his cheeks and down his neck, Dean knows the fucker _did_ mean it like that and a tiny whimper slips from between Dean’s lips.

“I hate you so much right now,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper.

Then he slips out the door and into his own apartment as quickly as he can. His hands are shaking when he tries to get the door open, and he can’t remember a time when he was this fucking horny in the last ten years of his life.

Goddammit, Cas.

He walks straight into the bathroom, starts the shower and strips off his clothes. He knows Castiel will be able to hear the water turn on in his apartment and he hopes the little shit is thinking about what he’s about to do. His cock is bobbing heavily when he steps into the hot spray, and he goes right for the bottle of lube in his shower caddy before he slicks himself up and starts stroking himself in long, steady strokes.

He thinks about Cas. _Of course_ he thinks about Cas. He thinks about how his eyes turned liquid hot when their eyes caught. He thinks about the way Cas looked down at his lips hungrily. He thinks about the way Cas’s stubble felt beneath his lips, and the hint of musky aftershave he could taste on his skin. He thinks about the low moan that came from Castiel, and the way Cas was checking out the tent in his pants when he stood up.

His hips start rolling forward as he fucks himself in his tight fist.

He imagines Cas sprawled out on the couch they were just sitting on, palming his cock, trying to take off the edge before giving up and pulling his hard cock out right there in the living room. He thinks about Cas’s long, delicate fingers wrapping around his thick girth while he thinks about Dean - and Dean’s orgasm crashes into him like a freight train.

His head falls forward until his chin hits his chest and he lets out a long groan as he comes all over his hand and onto the floor of the bathtub. He braces himself on the shower wall with one hand as he strokes himself slowly through the aftershocks, taking deep breaths trying to get his shit back together. He steps under the spray and closes his eyes before he soaks his head.

 _Fuck_. He is so screwed when it comes to Cas. He can’t even try to pretend he’s not.

He just doesn’t know how to get Cas on the same page.

Ten minutes later, freshly scrubbed and completely clean, he wraps a towel around his hips and picks up his clothes from the floor. He digs his phone out of his pocket and throws it on the bed when he notices the screen light up. He turns it on to see a message from Cas.

 

 **CASTIEL:** If that shower was meant to help me get there faster, mission accomplished ;)

 

Dean lets out a shaky laugh.

 

 **DEAN:** You are going to be the death of me.

 **CASTIEL:** I’m too blissed out after that to care about dying right now.

 **DEAN:** GOODNIGHT CASTIEL

 **CASTIEL:** hahaha goodnight, Dean <3

 

Dean tries not to grin like a high schooler at the damn heart on his screen but it’s a lost cause.

He is so, so screwed.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean wakes up Thursday morning with the beginnings of a plan in mind.

It turns out he wants to date Cas. Pretty damn bad.

He knows he still needs to take it slow to get Cas to trust him, but if Cas is feeling things between them as intensely as he is (and judging by Cas apparently being unable to resist trying to kiss him last night, he’s gotta be) then maybe he needs to be swept up off of his feet a little bit.

Maybe he can make Cas feel like he’s as special as he thinks he is. Sure, they can’t leave Cas’s apartment because the rugrat will be sleeping, but that doesn’t mean Dean can’t give him the dating experience.

Hopefully still without pressuring him or making him think he’s moving too fast.

Which is a fine line to walk, he realizes nervously.

His mind is whirling all throughout his morning routine, and the only thing that distracts him from thinking about the most romantic way to plan an at-home movie date is the memory of how Cas looked at him before he leaned in to try to kiss him... and how his lips were parted, waiting for his… and then the way his face was flushed when he finally left his apartment…

Suffice it to say he’s buzzing with nervous energy by the time Castiel pulls into the parking lot at Winchester’s. Then the panic sets in all at once and his mind is whirling for a completely different reason.

What if Cas is mad about him not accepting his kiss last night when he tried it? What if Cas is insulted that he had to basically run out of his apartment so he didn’t jump his bones right there and then? What if he’s embarrassed about more or less confessing he was thinking about him while he jerked off?

Not surprisingly, there is a bit of a blush on Castiel’s cheeks when he walks towards Dean waiting for him by the gate. Claire is bouncing in his arms, wearing a freakin’ adorable little black and white checkered peacoat to fight off the chill this morning. She’s got two tiny little pigtails in her hair, too, and Dean can almost feel his heart melting in his chest just looking at her.

“Dee!” Claire calls out before Dean can even say hello.

She’s already reaching out for him, so after exchanging a quick smile with Cas, Dean takes her from his arms and pulls her in for a little squeeze. “Morning, blondie,” he greets her. He lifts his hands to one of her pigtails and gives a gentle little tug. “Pretty hair,” he tells her. She lifts her hand to touch the other one and smiles. “Pretty girl,” he elaborates, giving her one of his most charming smiles and tapping her on her tiny little nose.

Claire reaches out and pats him on the cheek. “Dee,” she insists.

Dean laughs. “You think Dee’s pretty?”

Claire signs _yes_ and Dean has to fight the urge to plant a big smacking kiss on her cheek.

“She’s stealing all my lines,” Castiel interrupts.

“You think I’m pretty too, Cas?” Dean teases.

“Far more than is wise, I’m afraid,” he answers, smiling shyly.

Claire wiggles down out of Dean’s arms and toddles away to go play at the sandbox.

“How’d you sleep last night?” Dean asks.

“Incredible, as a matter of fact,” Castiel grins, and his cheeks heat up a little bit more.

“Mmhmm, me, too. What a coincidence.”

Castiel takes a step closer to him, places a hand on his chest, and looks up at him through those dark, thick eyelashes of his. The butterflies in Dean’s stomach start fluttering wildly.

“I believe I am in some very big trouble with you, Dean Winchester,” Castiel says, his voice low.

“Me?” Dean says in disbelief. “You’re the one puttin’ the moves on me. Last night and again right now,” Dean reminds him, but he does reach out to rest his hands on his hips. Just to touch him.

“Well, like Claire said, you’re pretty,” Castiel answers lightly. Dean can tell he’s trying to keep a straight face but he can see his lips twitching.

“Hmm and you haven’t even seen most of me,” Dean teases. The _yet_ remains unsaid but Dean can hear it echoing in the space between them. Castiel pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and worries it there while Dean chuckles lightly. “Can I still come over and watch a movie tonight or do you think we need baby supervision to keep it PG?”

Castiel lets out a soft huff of laughter. “I’m not-so-secretly hoping for some PG13 lip action,” Castiel admits, looking directly down at the ground.

Dean’s eyes go wide and he dips his head down to catch Castiel’s eyes and drag them back up to his. “Yeah? Bit of a change of heart from last night. I, uh, thought you didn’t want to want me.”

“I think last night proved I might want you more than I can reasonably deny,” Castiel replies.

Dean runs his hand up and down the back of Castiel’s arms. “I don’t wanna rush you.”

Castiel takes a deep breath before he responds, “I know my track record isn’t all that great, but I do believe I can handle a first kiss without proposing immediately afterwards.”

“Pfft. You only think that ‘cause you haven’t kissed me yet,” Dean jokes, bouncing his eyebrows at him and effectively ending the charged moment between them.

“I would have if you didn’t turn me down,” Castiel reminds him with a poke to his chest. “That was the first time in my life I’ve ever made the first move and I went down in flames.”

Dean tilts his head and gives him an amused smile. “I try to be a nice guy, and you teasing me and makin’ me feel bad about it is the thanks I get?”

Castiel’s face finally cracks on a smile and Dean feels it erase any nerves that were lingering.

“I’m looking forward to seeing you again tonight without an audience,” Castiel says, flicking his eyes to the side.

Dean turns his head to follow his gaze and sees Charity, his mom, and Jo all standing there staring at them. Seriously!? Charity and his mom at least have the decency to turn away and pretend like they weren’t watching, but Jo just gives a little wiggle of her fingers in a wave.

Dean sticks his tongue out at her and she laughs.

“A friend of yours?” Castiel asks.

“Yeah, that’s Jo. Family friend. Basically grew up together,” he explains. “She’s a pain in the ass.”

“Thankfully she won’t be there tonight,” Castiel says and Dean agrees with a nod. “I’ll see you at pick up I presume?”

“You bet,” Dean promises.

He lowers his eyes to his lips just so Cas knows that he wishes he could kiss him now, and Castiel looks at the ground again before he looks back up through his eyelashes and smiles. He is so fucking cute when he’s like this. Like he’s trying to fight his natural instincts to be shy. Castiel’s hand takes his quickly and he squeezes it briefly before he calls out to Claire to say bye. Dean watches him go and then closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before he turns to face the peanut gallery.

“Nice catch,” Jo says, offering him a big smile.

“I thought so,” Dean answers. He looks around for Claire and sees her making her way towards the swings, so he follows her over with Jo trailing behind.

Claire reaches the swings only a few seconds before them. She turns around and immediately sees them and signs _help._

“Claire needs help,” Dean repeats, signing back to her. “You need help up. Claire up?” Dean asks, remembering to shorten his sentences for her.

She signs _please._

“That’s a good girl to say please,” Dean praises her, scooping her up, placing her in the baby swing and pulling it towards him. “One, two, three…. go!” He lets it go and she squeals with excitement.

“I’m assuming this kid belongs to the cute guy who was all over you?” Jo asks.

“ _Was_ he all over me?” Dean asks, grinning at the idea.

“It was like pre-porn,” she deadpans.

“Pre-porn?” Dean questions.

She laughs a little before she responds, “There’s all this sexual chemistry there. It’s like the beginning of good porn right before the guys start tearing each other’s clothes off.”

Now Dean knows exactly what she’s talking about. “Feels like that, too,” Dean admits. “Never felt this sexual chemistry or whatever you just said with anybody else before. It’s freakin’ intense.”

“You tap that yet?”

He snorts. “Not even close.”

“There goes your fake reputation,” she says, giving him an elbow.

“Yeah, spread that around for me, would you?”

“I should,” she laughs again.

“What’re you doin’ down here anyway?”

She rolls her eyes. “Clearly I came down to get a look at Mr. Sex Hair. I’ve been getting daily updates but there’s nothing like an eyewitness account.”

“You and Jess are worse than the stereotypical high school chicks. Gossiping all the time,” he complains.

“Jess!?” Jo laughs. “You really don’t know your mom as well as you think you do.”

“It’s _ma_ who’s feeding the gossip mill?” Dean asks incredulously.

“Duh,” she says sillily. “She’s anxious for more grand babies.”

“Jeez,” Dean breathes, shaking his head. Talk about pressure.

He’s completely forgotten about playing with Claire, which he is reminded of by an angry sounding, “Dee!” along with frantically signed _more._

“I’m sorry, sweetie, Jo distracted me,” he explains. “You want to play with Dee more?”

 _Yes_ she signs.

“Well, Dean’s gonna get you, then. I’m gonna get these little feet,” he promises, swiping at her feet as she swings closer to him. She folds them away from him and laughs when he tries to grab for them, and then they have a game going on. It’s kind of amazing how hard she laughs when he reaches for her feet even after a dozen times of the same thing. It’s like it never gets old.

“Wish I could have that much fun without alcohol,” Jo says from beside him, but even she has a big smile on her face, clearly charmed by Claire.

“She’s cute, isn’t she?”

“No wonder you’re smitten. You’ve got no chance against the pair of them,” she comments.

“Yeah, that was pretty clear from the first time this little monster laughed at me,” he agrees.

Now that Dean has stopped going after Claire’s feet, she signs _all done._

“You want outta there, buddy?” _Yes._ He takes the few steps towards her and holds his hands out. “Come on up, then. Up!”

She raises her arms and he lifts her out.

“Okay friends, it’s time to put our outside toys away and go inside for snack,” he hears his mom say.

Claire taps on Dean’s shoulder and signs _eat_. “Ain’t nothing wrong with your ears,” he laughs. “You hungry? Eat, Claire?” _Yes._ “Okay, let’s pick up some toys then. Pick up,” he repeats.

“Damn, your mom’s got these kids runnin’ a tight ship,” Jo comments watching all of the kids put their toys away.

“I know. I always think it’s kinda crazy how much she let the three of us get away with when I see her like this.”

Once Claire has put some toys away she comes back over to Dean and holds her hands up again. “Up,” he says, then bends over to pick her up and hitches her on his hip. He’s almost getting used to this kid thing.

He and Jo stick around to help the kids get their outdoor stuff off and then they take off upstairs together. “Guess I’ll see you after lunch, huh?” Dean checks.

“Don’t be late, or I’m docking your pay,” Jo teases, and Dean laughs before he goes to change into his shorts and a t-shirt. He has two personal training sessions this morning and then office time, so his morning should fly by.

He runs out on his lunch hour to pick up some stuff for the date he’s come up with for tonight. He gets that Pop-Up Bowl Popcorn, popcorn seasoning, some bags of candy, a couple of candy bars, and a few of the fancy Dr. Brown’s soda in glass bottles. He finds a small wicker basket, grabs himself a pre-made sandwich from the deli, and brings it all up to the cash register to pay.

There’s a young woman at the cash who he asks for advice. “Hey, uh, can I ask you somethin’?”

“Sure,” she answers.

“If a dude showed up at your place with a movie and all this shit in a basket, would that be a good date or is it totally lame?”

She smiles at him when she answers, “I don’t think it’s lame. I think it’s sweet to do a low-budget date idea.”

He winces. “It ain't the money thing. He’s got a kid so he can’t leave the house.”

“Ohhh. Still yes, then. This is an adorable at home date idea. Major brownie points.”

“Yeah?” Dean checks.

“Do you know if he likes flowers?” she asks, gesturing to the bouquets at the end of her check out.

Dean thinks about it. “Even if he doesn’t, I bet his little girl would get a kick out of them in the morning. Good call,” he nods. He grabs a bouquet of daisies (not too girly but cute enough that Claire should like them, he decides) and adds them to his stuff.

“Good luck,” she tells him as he leaves, and he gives her a nod.

He eats his sandwich in his office when he gets back to work and finally checks his phone.

 

 **CASTIEL:** How’s Claire doing this afternoon?

 

It was sent more than a half hour ago. He feels bad for not answering right away and hopes Cas doesn’t think he’s avoiding him or something.

 

 **DEAN:** Had to go out to pick up a few things on my lunch hour so I didn’t get a chance to check in on Claire :(

 **CASTIEL:** Oh. I’m sure she’s fine.

 **DEAN:** I can guarantee I would’ve heard if she wasn’t. Don’t worry :) I’m in the pool all afternoon too btw so I won’t be able to get to my phone at all.

 **CASTIEL:** Oh, okay. Sorry for being so needy.

 **DEAN:** You’re not needy, dude.

 **CASTIEL:** It was presumptuous of me to assume you would spend time with Claire at lunch and that you wanted to talk to me everyday at this time just because you have in the past.

 

Dean frowns. Why’s he being like this?

 

 **DEAN:** I spent some extra time with Claire outside this morning since I knew I wouldn’t be by this afternoon. We played on the swings :)

 **DEAN:** And I did wanna talk to you at lunch. I always do. I was thinking about you the whole time. You’ll see later, I promise :)

 **CASTIEL:** It’s okay, you don’t have to explain yourself to me.

 **DEAN:** I know I don’t have to but I want to. Just give me the benefit of the doubt for a few hours, and then I’ll show you what I was doing. Okay?

 **CASTIEL:** Okay. I have to get back to work. I’ll see you at pick up?

 **DEAN:** Wouldn’t miss it :) Can’t wait for tonight.

 **CASTIEL:** Me too :)

 

Hm. This is the first glimpse he’s had of what he assumes is a suspicious Cas. He gets it, and he knows he’s gonna have to be willing to reassure him a lot, probably for a really long time. Still doesn’t mean he’s particularly happy about it. Hopefully being able to show him what he spent his lunch doing today will help get him back in Cas’s good books. He hates thinking that Cas thought even for a second that he isn’t into him.

He hears a knock on the door and looks up to see Jo. They exchange hellos and then they walk to the aquatic center together. He changes into his swim shorts and his red lifeguard shirt and takes his place on the side of the pool. They’ve got a two hour Open Swim at 1:30 and two aqua fitness classes after that. Jo teaches and Dean keeps an eye out as the lifeguard. There isn’t usually much for him to do during Open Swim, so it’s kinda fun when the two of them can just shoot the shit.

It’s not unusual to get a bunch of women with their kids in here during Open Swim. Kids love water, so the moms all hang out and talk while the kids splash in the little kiddie pool. Dean walks over to the kiddie pool so he can keep a closer eye on them. The kids make Dean more nervous than anything because you never know what they’re gonna do in the water and it only takes a split second for something to go really wrong.

Which is exactly what happens.

Except it’s not a kid this time.

It’s Dean.

He hears one of the moms say that it’s time to go, and the little kid with her - he’s assuming the kid is three or four years old - takes off like a bat outta hell. Everybody knows running around a pool is a fucking terrible idea, but no amount of yelling from the mom or from him and Jo is slowing this kid down. Dean tries to block the way so the kid has to stop running, but the kid barrels right past him, his mom hot on his his heels. As Dean makes a grab for the wiggly kid he loses his own footing on the slippery floor. His feet go out from under him and he lands flat on his back with a heavy thud of his head against the hard, unforgiving tile.

Next thing he knows, Jo is hovering over him, the lights feel like they’re burning into his brain, and his head is fucking _throbbing_. He barely gets over onto his side before he barfs all over the floor. As he braces himself on his hand he feels another sharp pain shoot through his finger and wonders what the hell happened there.

His vision is blurry, and his head feels like it weighs a thousand pounds just on its own, so he carefully lays right back down on the floor. He doesn’t think he could get up right now even if he wanted to.

“Dean, are you okay? Do you know where you are?” Jo asks, panic evident in her voice.

“On my ass on the floor,” Dean replies.

Jo lets out a shaky sounding laugh. “Okay, smart ass, open your eyes for me.”

Dean frowns. “Don’t want to.”

“Don’t be such a wimp,” she goads him, which of course, works.

He grunts and slowly begins to open his eyes. _Fuck,_ the lights in here are bright.

“Too bright,” he complains.

He can see some of the light disappear even from behind his closed lids and realizes she must be blocking the light with her body. He opens his eyes again and looks at her blurry face. She looks like she’s about to yack, too.

“You look like shit,” he tells her.

Again, she lets out a shaky laugh and says, “Well, I think you’re going to live. But you’re going to have to go get your melon checked out.”

“I’m fine,” he disagrees, and tries to sit up a little.

“Hold your horses, Winchester,” she tells him, placing a hand on her chest to hold him down. “Does anything else hurt?”

“My finger,” he complains.

“What?” Jo asks, clearly confused.

“My finger,” Dean repeats. He holds it up and even with his vision as blurry as it is he can see it’s fucking huge.

“What the hell?” Jo asks, taking his hand gently in hers. “That’s gotta be broken.”

“No shit,” he answers.

“So, who’s taking you to the emergency room? Sam or your mom?”

Dean groans, closing his eyes again for a completely different reason. Sam’s more likely to overreact out of the two of them, but he will _never_ get his mom to stop hovering if she goes with him. His head hurts just thinking it through.

“Sam,” he replies heavily.

“Dean! Dean, are you okay?” Sam says, suddenly right beside him.

Dean opens his eyes again. “Where’d you come from?”

“I think he’s lost consciousness twice now,” Jo says, her voice tight with worry again.

“Should we call an ambulance?” Sam asks Jo.

“No,” Dean insists. “Just, uh, help me up, and don’t touch my finger.”

“Your finger? Holy shit! What happened?” Sam asks, obviously surprised.

“The mom who was chasing the kid thinks she might have stepped on it,” Jo explains.

When did she figure that out?

“Okay, easy, Dean,” Sam warns him.

Thankfully, his brother is bigger than him, and he gets him to his feet easily. Dean’s definitely unsteady and he kinda feels like he might puke again.

“Okay?” Sam asks.

“Might throw up again,” he cautions.

“We’ll grab a garbage can,” Sam promises. “We have to get you out of these wet clothes before we go or you’ll freeze to death.”

He really thought the days of Sam seeing him naked were over. Apparently not.

“No gettin’ handsy,” Dean jokes to try and hide his embarrassment.

“You’re unbelievable,” Sam complains.

And so Dean’s afternoon isn’t spent laughing and joking with Jo after all. Instead, it’s spent at the hospital where after countless ridiculous tests, he is diagnosed with a concussion and a broken ring finger on his right hand. His finger is splinted with a freaking popsicle stick and tape of all things since it’s apparently a clean break, and he bitches and moans about how he could have done that himself without it costing him hundreds of dollars. Thankfully he has health insurance and that’s all it’s going to cost.

Because of the concussion, he’s ordered to take two weeks off of work if it involves anything strenuous, which of course, is almost everything he does. He’s also told to rest and take it easy until at least Monday, to limit screen time, reading, driving, or anything else that makes his headache get worse.

Dean has no idea what the hell he’s supposed to do with himself if he’s not supposed to work and can’t watch TV, but he nods his agreement anyway and knows he’s fucked when it comes to work since Sam is here with him. He’ll be lucky if Jess even lets him through the front doors for two weeks.

On top of all of this, Dean has to endure the relentless teasing from Sam over the flowers and all the movie treats he found on the passenger seat of the car when they left for the hospital. He knows he isn’t going to hear the end of this for a very, very long time. Thankfully the painkillers he was given to help deal with the broken finger are kicking in by the time they get back to Dean’s apartment, so he isn’t quite as defensive over it as he would’ve been otherwise.

“Obviously you need some sleep,” Sam says as he basically pours Dean into his bed.

“Yep,” Dean agrees sleepily.

“I’m going to leave you to rest, but I’m calling you in an hour to check on you, and if you don’t answer, I’m coming right over,” Sam promises.

“Okay,” Dean answers. Anything to get him to leave him alone.

“If you need anything, absolutely anything, just call and me or Jess will be here.”

“Thanks Sammy.”

“I’ll talk to you in an hour,” he repeats, and then he leaves Dean to sleep.

He’s asleep almost instantly.

He feels like it’s only been minutes when his cell phone ringing obnoxiously loud wakes him.

“I’m alive,” he croaks into it.

“Good. How does your head feel?” Sam asks.

“Like I smacked it on the floor real hard,” he replies.

“Need anything?”

“I’ll let you know if anything comes up,” he lies.

“Liar. I’m checking in again before bed. I’ll talk to you later,” Sam says.

“Later,” Dean responds.

He slowly pulls himself up to a sitting position and when he ends the call he notices there’s three missed texts from Castiel. And it’s after seven o’clock.

Shit.

 

 **CASTIEL:** Missed you at pick up this afternoon. Didn’t see your mom either, and Charity said she didn’t know where you were. She looked worried.

 **CASTIEL:** I hope you’re alright.

 **CASTIEL:** I suppose it’d be optimistic of me to think we are still on for tonight…

 

Dean’s eyes are burning and his head is pounding just from looking at his screen long enough to read those three texts. He closes his eyes and grits out, “Hey Siri. Text Castiel.”

_What do you want to say to Cas-teel?_

“I’m so sorry, Cas. I had a bit of an accident at work and spent the afternoon at the hospital. Can’t even text. I just have to eat something and then I’ll be over if you still want me to.”

Dean frowns at the way Siri spelled Castiel’s name _Cass_ , but otherwise the text is fine, so he goes ahead and sends it.

Cas’s response comes almost instantly.

 

 **CASTIEL:** The hospital? Are you okay? Ugh. Don’t answer that if you can’t text. I will see you anytime after eight. Whenever you’re ready. No rush. Please take care of yourself.

 **CASTIEL:** And don’t answer this!

 

Dean laughs at the second message, though it makes his head throb a little more. He drags himself to his feet and uses the bathroom (which, yeah, is a little bit complicated without the full use of his right hand) before he makes it to the kitchen. He leaves the lights off and only works by the light of the hallway to make his head happier. He heats himself up a can of soup and fights back nausea as he eats it. It’s made more awkward because of the way he’s forced to hold the spoon because of the splint holding his ring finger and middle finger together, but he knows he needs to eat if he wants to take more painkillers before bed, and he really, really does. Only an hour until he can have more, he realizes, so he puts one in his pocket so he doesn’t forget when he’s with Cas.

By the time he’s made it through his soup, the small clock on his stove is telling him it’s minutes to eight o’clock, so he leaves his bowl in the sink and grabs the basket Sam carried up to fill it with the items he bought at the grocery store.

He arranges them the best he can with one hand, loops it over his arm and grabs the flowers before he makes his way unsteadily to Castiel’s apartment.

He knocks on the door with his bad hand since his good one is full, and waits.

Castiel opens the door and the big smile on his face falls instantly as he takes in the sight of Dean.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean says tiredly.

“Dean! What happened to you? You look terrible!” Castiel gasps, pulling him into his apartment. Dean frowns as the jarring of his body makes his head throb again. Not exactly the kind of impression he wanted to make for date night.

“Brought you flowers,” Dean says, handing them out to him.

A small smile comes to Castiel’s face as he takes them and his cheeks turn a little pink. “That… is so sweet of you,” he finally says.

“Thought even if you weren’t a flower guy that Claire might like ‘em,” he explains.

“I am most certainly a flower guy,” Castiel assures him. “But I’m sure Claire will also enjoy them. You didn’t have to do this. Especially after the day you must have had.”

“This was before that,” he tells him. “Did all this on my lunch hour.” He gestures to the basket in his hands. “Thought I could make it like a movie date, you know? Just like at the theatre if I could really take you out, but do it here instead.” His legs feel like they’re about to give out and his head is pounding, but he keeps talking anyway. “Got us popcorn, shakers, drinks, candy, chocolate. Anything you can get at the movie theatre, I got it,” he promises. “I was thinking about you even if I couldn’t text you back right away.”

Castiel’s eyes go visibly soft and Dean thinks he must’ve done okay.

“This is the sweetest thing anybody has ever done for me,” Castiel replies. “Let me take this from you so you can get off your feet. You look like you’re about to fall over,” he finishes.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Dean realizes.

He hands the basket to Cas and makes his way over to the couch. He can hear Castiel behind him in the kitchen, and he takes the opportunity to rest his head on the back of the couch while he hears Cas open a cupboard and turn on the faucet. Probably putting the flowers in water.

It isn’t until he feels Castiel sit down beside him that he opens his eyes again and realizes he’s still wearing sweatpants and a Winchester’s shirt. Shit.

“I forgot to change my clothes,” Dean thinks out loud.

“That’s alright,” Castiel assures him.

“No. Wanted to impress you. Make you feel special. And I’m wearin’ gym clothes,” he complains.

“You still impressed me,” Castiel insists. “Flowers and everything I could possibly think of for an at-home movie night. It’s very thoughtful.”

“At home movie _date_ ,” Dean corrects. “I was kinda hopin’ this could be our first date but I screwed it all up by falling at work.”

“Is that what happened?” Castiel asks.

Dean remembers he hasn’t explained what happened to Cas yet and dives into the story. “I was lifeguard at the pool this afternoon. Some kid took off running from his mom, and when I went to grab the kid so _he_ wouldn’t fall, I slipped and smacked my head. Passed out twice, apparently. And on top of that, the mom stepped on my finger and broke it as she ran past me laying on the floor,” he explains, holding up his splint. “Jo made me go to the hospital, and I’ve got a broken finger and a concussion. All in a day’s work,” he says, trying to make light of it.

“Oh my god, Dean!” Castiel exclaims. He takes his hand to check out the splint and Dean smiles when the warmth from his skin seeps into his. He doesn’t even think about if Castiel wants him to or not before he scoots over until he’s leaning against Castiel’s shoulder and wraps his arm around his waist.

“That’s so much better,” Dean sighs happily.

Castiel wraps his arm around him and gives him a little squeeze. “Are you in any pain?”

“Only if I move,” Dean answers, which makes Castiel laugh a little. “My finger hurts the most, unless I’m looking at something, and then my head starts pounding again.”

“It doesn’t sound as if a movie is the greatest idea then,” Castiel comments.

 _Well, shit_. “I dunno why I didn’t think of that,” Dean says, embarrassed. “I’m not even allowed to watch TV.”

“Concussions can make you confused for some time,” Castiel tells him. “Didn’t the doctor tell you that?”

“He did, I guess I just didn’t realize it was happening to me. Makes sense why I didn’t notice my clothes, too.”

“Don’t worry about your clothes,” Castiel says again. “You must know by now that you look good in anything.”

“But I look better in jeans,” Dean argues.

“You don’t need to look _better_ , Dean, trust me.”

Dean blurts out the next thing that comes to mind. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to see you at pick up. And Claire. Kinda miss the little munchkin.”

“It’s not your fault at all! I will say that I heard your name several times today, starting from the minute I got there to pick her up right until I said goodnight.”

“Feel bad,” Dean mumbles. Castiel is incredibly comfortable, and he can feel himself getting tired again already.

“Don’t. She’s fine. Besides, it wasn’t as if you did it on purpose,” Castiel reminds him.

“Still. And shit. I just remembered I’m not allowed to work for two weeks. Blondie’s gonna think I bailed on her for good. Cas - I don’t want her to think -” he tries to sit up but his head is too heavy.

“Relax,” Castiel soothes him. “We’ll just have to make sure you get a chance to see her every now and then if that’s what you want.”

“It is. Don’t want her to forget about me.”

Castiel sighs and runs his fingers through Dean’s short hair. “What am I going to do about you?”

“Just don’t move and I don’t care,” Dean answers, and Castiel laughs a little.

“Comfortable?”

“You have no idea,” Dean says quietly. “I know I can’t watch anything, but is it weird if I just wanna sit here with you? You can watch whatever you want. I’ll just listen.”

“Are you sure? You don’t want to go back to your apartment? You’ll probably be more comfortable there.”

“Impossible,” Dean argues. “I can’t watch anything there, either. Or read. Or exercise. I’d just be staring at the wall goin’ out of my mind with boredom. Might as well sit here with you than sit at home alone.”

“I know that feeling all too well,” Castiel comments. “I’m just going to grab the remote, and then I’ll stay still.”

Dean lifts his head begrudgingly and rests it against the back of the couch again. His head really is pounding.

“Do you want to lie down?” Castiel asks him.

“With you?”

“Yes,” Castiel says with a soft laugh. “I have a television in my bedroom. And I feel fairly certain that you’re not going to make a move tonight.”

“You’re right about that,” Dean agrees. “If you’re okay with it, I wouldn’t mind lying down.”

“Come on, then,” Castiel tells him.

Castiel gets to his feet and then helps Dean stand, wrapping his arm around him to take some of his weight to walk down the hall and to his bedroom.

It looks exactly the same as Dean’s bedroom but with different furniture. Castiel has a desk squished into the corner, covered with books instead of a dresser like Dean, but his bed is in the same place. It’s a big, natural wood colored sleigh bed, and it’s piled high with pillows.

“You’re one of those guys who makes the bed every morning and puts a zillion pillows on it?” Dean asks. “That’s annoying.”

“I like my pillows,” Castiel answers defiantly. He steers Dean to sit on the end of the bed and pulls the covers down. “We might as well be really comfortable,” Castiel explains. Dean couldn’t agree more. Castiel climbs onto the bed, lies in the middle on his back, his head and shoulders propped up by all the pillows, and smiles at Dean shyly. “Get in here,” he urges him.

“Really didn’t think this was gonna be how I’d get in your bed for the first time,” Dean says as he carefully joins Cas.

Castiel laughs. “That makes two of us.”

Dean is dead tired. He lays down on his side, facing Cas, and rests his head on the curve of Castiel’s shoulder. Just like on the couch, he wraps his arm around his waist before his finger starts throbbing. He remembers to keep it elevated and rests his hand on Castiel’s chest instead.

“Don’t judge me,” Castiel starts. “But I like to watch old shows. My parents never really let me watch television, so I’m a decade behind.”

“Don’t care what you watch,” he promises. He can feel the stress of his day melt away more and more with every second in Castiel’s arms. Castiel could start watching soap operas and he wouldn’t even care. After a few minutes he recognizes the show as _Gilmore Girls_. A little girly, but it could be worse. Luke’s kinda funny.

Castiel’s hand runs in a slow path up and down his back, and as Dean’s eyes slip closed he thinks he could probably be stuck here for life and be perfectly happy with it. He gets those butterflies again when he thinks about how he’s pressed up against Castiel’s muscular body - in his bed - with Castiel’s hand roaming his back. He thinks about how they might lay just like this after sex someday and suddenly wants to be even closer to Cas. He wiggles himself up, and presses his face into the nook under his chin. His nose is against Cas’s neck and he can feel his pulse racing. He gets a concentrated whiff of Castiel’s natural scent mixed with honey and decides nothing in the world smells better.

“God you feel good,” Dean confesses. “All muscular and warm. Smell good, too. I’d definitely be making a move if I could lift my head up.”

Castiel lets out a small huff of a laugh. “Stop it. I’m trying not to think about how good it feels to have you pressed against me in my bed.”

Dean knows Castiel can’t see him smile, so he makes a happy sound in his throat. He stretches his lips out to plant a chaste kiss on Castiel’s neck, and this time it’s Castiel who lets out a happy sound, and he pulls Dean to his body even closer.

It doesn’t surprise him that he falls asleep.

He _is_ surprised when he wakes up to his phone ringing in his pocket and total confusion about where he is until he registers the smell honey. _Cas._ Shit.

He reaches for his phone with his right hand and then curses when he can’t fish it out of his pocket with the splint on. It takes him rolling onto his back and a lot of wiggling and bitching before he finally gets it out. Note to self: put phone in left pocket.

“Yeah?” Dean answers.

“Just checking in to make sure you’re still alive,” Sam says.

“Oh. Yeah. Alive. ‘M at Cas’s.”

“Still? It’s past eleven,” Sam comments.

“It is? Shit,” Dean curses. He glances over at Castiel and by the looks of things, he thinks he might have been sleeping, too.

“You must be having a good time,” Sam says suggestively.

“Save it.”

Sam laughs. “Need anything?”

“Nah, I’m good. Thanks though.”

“Don’t forget - if any of us see your ass at work tomorrow you’re dead meat,” Sam reminds him.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean grumbles.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Say hi to Cas for me,” Sam teases.

“Doubtful. Later, bitch.”

Dean puts his phone down on the bed beside him and says to Cas, “I fell asleep.”

“That makes two of us,” Castiel admits.

“Slept through my next dose of painkillers. Feels like my finger is going to explode it’s throbbing so bad,” Dean confesses.

“How’s your head?” Castiel asks.

“Huh. Actually okay,” he realizes. “Maybe you’re my medicine,” he grins.

Castiel chuckles. “More likely you just needed more rest. Do you have your painkillers with you?”

“Yeah, got one in my pocket.”

“I’ll grab you a bottle of water,” Castiel says as he slips out of bed and out the door. He’s back only a minute later, and he twists the cap off before he hands the bottle to Dean. “Figured with your bum hand and all,” he explains.

“Thanks, man.”

“I’ll be right back,” Castiel says before he disappears again. Dean takes his pill and drinks down half the water before he lays back down. When Castiel comes back several minutes later, he’s wearing a pair of plaid pajama bottoms and a solid gray t-shirt. His hair’s messed up from sleeping before and Dean wants to snuggle right back into him.

When Castiel climbs back into bed Dean notices he smells like cinnamon toothpaste.

Castiel throws a few pillows onto the ground beside him and lays back in the same position he was in before, but flat on his back this time. Dean doesn’t move towards him, not entirely sure what’s going on, and Castiel frowns at him.

“Not coming back to snuggle some more?” Castiel asks.

“It’s late. We fell asleep. Thought you’d want me to go.”

Castiel gives an awkward shrug. “I don’t know. I was comfortable. And honestly, you could probably use somebody looking after you tonight. I… wouldn’t mind if you stayed.”

“Really?” Dean asks. He’s really surprised by this. Sharing a bed is kinda big deal. Especially with a kid in the house.

“If you want to. I know you’re capable of taking care of yourself, but I would feel so much better knowing you’re not home alone when you’re obviously not feeling like yourself. Concussions aren’t exactly a walk in the park.”

“You don’t have to twist my arm, Cas. I think the little nap I just had is the best I’ve slept in years, and I like bein’ close to you. I just don’t want to move too fast,” Dean explains.

“Nothing’s going to happen except for what’s already happened. It’s not too fast for me, and I want to help take care of you,” Castiel insists.

“Mmm, well,” Dean says as he gets himself back into place on Castiel’s chest the way he was before Sam called. “I gotta say, I like the idea of Nurse Cas almost as much as Librarian Cas.”

Castiel chuckles as he reaches over to turn the TV and then the light off, and suddenly Dean is very aware that he’s in the dark, with Cas, in his bed. Castiel helps him pull the covers over them both and Dean is enveloped in a honey-scented cocoon of warmth wrapped in Castiel’s arms.

“This feels nice, doesn’t it?” Castiel asks, his voice quieter now.

“Amazing,” Dean agrees. “Don’t know the last time I’ve shared a bed with somebody. As a self-proclaimed cuddler, I’ve missed it a lot. Kinda glad I fell on my head today,” he confesses.

“I hate to agree with you on that, but me too,” Castiel says on a bit of a laugh. Dean feels Castiel’s head tilt down a little bit and then he feels his scruff scrape across his forehead before there’s a pair of soft, warm lips pressed there.

_Cas is kissing my forehead._

Dean’s heart is flipping around in his chest, and the fingers that still work tangle into the soft cotton of Castiel’s shirt, wanting to be closer to him.

“Thank you for going to so much trouble to plan a date night for us tonight,” Castiel says quietly.

Dean shrugs. “Just wanted to make you feel special. Sweep you off your feet a little and show you how into you I am. Obviously it didn’t work out.”

“But it’s the thought that counts, and knowing that you went out of your way to do something sweet for me _does_ make me feel special. For maybe the first time in my whole life,” Castiel confesses.

“Get used to it. If you let me in, Cas, I wanna show you how awesome I think you are as often as I can,” Dean says honestly.

Cas kisses the top of his head this time and says, “Wake me if you need anything.”

 _I need this. I need you. I need you and me, just like this, for as long as you’ll have me,_ Dean thinks. But it’s way too soon to say that - even kind of crazy to _think it_. So all he can do is close his eyes and let the combination of painkillers and Castiel’s body heat lull him to sleep.

“‘Night, Cas,” Dean slurs.

“Sleep well,” Castiel responds.

Dean falls asleep with a soft smile on his face and the feeling of Castiel’s warm hand rubbing circles on his lower back.

He wakes up to an alarm going off, still feeling warm and sleepy, and like he just had the best sleep of his entire life. Castiel has turned towards him in his sleep and Dean is still pillowed on his chest with his face smushed into the space right under Castiel’s chin. Castiel’s arm is dangling over his waist, and Dean’s right hand is on Castiel’s chest. He can’t feel his left arm, and he dimly understands it must be asleep under him.

Castiel is trying to disentangle himself from Dean but Dean doesn’t want that. As Castiel tries to roll away, Dean rolls towards him, chasing his body heat and he hears Castiel grunt.

“I have to shower,” he grumbles.

“Stay,” Dean tries.

Castiel sighs. “Five more minutes.”

The alarm stops, so Dean thinks he must have put it on snooze, and when Castiel stays on his back, Dean wiggles right back up to him.

Which is when he realizes he has morning wood and it’s now pressed against Castiel’s hip. Castiel must’ve noticed too (how could he not?) because he heard his breath hitch when he first bumped against him. Dean opens one eye to see that Castiel’s pajama pants aren’t hiding that he has the same problem going on right now.

“Sorry,” Dean says, his voice rough with sleep. He moves his hips back a little bit so that he isn’t pressing against him anymore and tries to focus on how warm and fuzzy he feels in Cas’s arms instead of how they’re both hard lying in bed together.

Castiel’s hand brushes up through the short hair on the back of Dean’s head (miraculously missing the spot Dean smacked on the floor yesterday) and rests on the back of his neck, fingers brushing in a pattern back and forth against his skin. Just having Castiel touching his skin when he feels so snuggly in Cas’s bed is doing things to him that he’s having a hell of a time ignoring. _God_ he wants Cas. After a few minutes of holding himself back, Dean is unable to resist any longer and tilts his head up, nuzzling closer into Castiel’s neck. Castiel makes a happy little sound in his throat and Dean smiles to himself.

Like last night, he kisses his neck chastely, and feels Castiel’s fingers tense on his neck. He gives into his impulse to do it again, and the third time, he opens his mouth a little to taste his skin. Castiel lets out a soft little moan, and his hand slides down Dean’s back _just_ above the swell of his ass to pull him closer to his body.

Dean muffles a quiet moan of his own when his erection is pressed back against Castiel. His lips continue to kiss a trail across Castiel’s neck, moving up towards his jaw, and then up and over it. His lips scrape across Castiel’s stubble and he exhales on a happy sound against his skin as he kisses up behind his ear. Castiel’s fingers are digging into Dean’s lower back, urging him to rock forwards and sending a thrill of excitement through him, and he distantly registers Cas’s breathing is coming out in heavier breaths. He wants to hear that low moan again. He opens his mouth to tease Castiel’s earlobe between his teeth when the alarm goes off again.

 _Son of a bitch_.

This time the groan that comes out of Castiel is one of frustration. He rolls away to sit up on the side of the bed and Dean lets out a long exhale. He’s gonna have a serious case of blue balls after this. Although now that he isn’t thinking with his dick, his finger is _throbbing_ with pain and that’s quickly helping to kill his erection.

“You don’t know how badly I want to stay here with you, but I really do have to shower before Claire wakes up. And I know if I don’t get up out of this bed right now and put some space between us I’m not going to,” Castiel admits. Dean swallows down additional desire hearing that Cas wants him, too. “You can stay here and sleep if you want to, though.”

“I like bein’ in your bed but I need more pills,” Dean answers.

“Are you alright?” Castiel asks.

“I’m okay. Just my finger.”

“Okay,” Castiel nods, getting to his feet and stretching.

Dean tries not to ogle the way his shirt is pulled up by his flexed muscles... or how his pajama pants are still tented at the front.

He closes his eyes and takes in another deep breath. He rolls over to get to his feet and notices that his own erection at least somewhat hidden by his sweatpants. He walks over to Cas to take him into his arms for a hug goodbye, and tries to ignore the way their cocks brush together. He kisses Cas once more on the bolt of his jaw and says, “Thanks for lettin’ me sleep here.”

Castiel has a soft look on his face when he answers, “Thanks for starting my day much better than my alarm usually does. I’ll talk to you later, right?”

“I’ll do the talk to text thing when I wake up again. I’m goin’ back to bed,” Dean says as he follows Cas out of his bedroom.

“I hate you,” Castiel answers.

Dean grins. “I know. Have a good day at work, and say hi to the munchkin for me.”

Castiel gives him an awkward little wave before he goes into the bathroom.

Dean lets himself out of Castiel’s apartment and walks over to his own. He leaves all the lights off, grabs himself another painkiller, takes a leak, plugs his phone in to charge, and then climbs right into bed where he falls face first.

It’s not nearly as comfortable as sleeping on Castiel, but he’s so used to his beloved memory foam that he falls asleep again almost right away.


	6. Chapter 6

When Dean wakes up the second time Friday morning he’s still partially groggy, probably from the pain medication. He reaches for his phone and sees that it’s almost 11:00, and he has missed a call from his mom, and a text from Cas.

 

 **CASTIEL:** I know looking at the phone hurts your head, so I’m not going to text you again after I say this. I just needed to tell you how good it felt to sleep with you last night and how it was even better waking up with you.

 **CASTIEL:** I would like to stop by on my lunch hour to bring you something to eat, so if that’s not okay, please let me know. If it is, I will be by shortly after noon to deliver you some food :) I hope you’re feeling better. I’m thinking about you.

His head isn’t pounding after reading his messages, but he uses talk to text to send a reply anyway.

 **DEAN:** Felt amazing to sleep with you, too :) My head’s doing okay so far. I’d love to see you at lunch time. Bring me something good lol I’ll see you soon!

 

Then he gets up and starts his morning routine. He showers (covering his hand with a plastic bag to keep his splint dry), brushes his teeth, and makes himself a piece of toast to hold him over until Castiel gets there. Everything takes longer than usual because he either has to use his left hand or struggle through using only some of his fingers on his right hand. He doesn’t want to take more prescription painkillers because they make him sleepy, so he tries a couple of Ibuprofen instead.

By the time he’s done getting ready for the day he’s already exhausted.

He looks around his apartment and is suddenly thankful for being the “neat freak” Sam always makes fun of him for being. He doesn’t have to clean at all before Cas comes over in order to have his apartment decent for company. Take that, Sammy.

He calls his mom back and loses almost twenty minutes assuring her that he’s fine, that he’s eating, sleeping, and taking his medication and taking care of himself. He tells her that Cas is bringing his lunch and that he’ll order in for dinner so he doesn’t have to cook.

By the time he hangs up, he knows Castiel will be over any minute.

He sends a group text to Charlie, Benny, Jo, and Sam to tell them he can’t make it to Charlie’s tonight and explains that he can’t spend too much time on his phone so to fill each other in on what’s going on.

Putting his iPhone back in his speaker dock, he turns on his Led Zeppelin playlist for some background noise. He’s barely been awake an hour and he’s already bored out of his mind. How he’s going to stand two weeks of being at home alone, he has no idea.

Only a few songs in, he hears a knock on his door. His stomach flips with nerves, knowing that it’s Castiel waiting for him, and wondering what he brought him for lunch.

Dean opens the door and smiles. Cas is holding a bag of McDonald’s, a tray with a couple of drinks, and a canvas bag looped over his arm.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean greets him.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel replies. “This is the first time I’ve been on this side of the door with you.”

Dean smiles and steps back to let him in. “Come on in, man.”

“I brought McDonald’s. I know it’s not a healthy choice, but I figured everybody eats it anyway, right?”

“Absolutely. How did you know what to put on my burger?” Dean asks.

Castiel smiles at him nervously. “I didn’t, actually. I got us chicken nuggets instead. I hope that’s okay?”

“That’s great! I don’t even know the last time I ate nuggets!” He leads Castiel over to his oversized leather couch and gestures for him to place the food on the coffee table in front of him. Castiel pulls out two large fries, handing one to Dean and laying one on the table, and then a big box of twenty chicken nuggets.

“I didn’t know how hungry you’d be, and I thought it would be better to have too many than not enough,” he explains. Dean grabs the box and puts it between them on the couch, then sits back and digs into his fries. They’re only lukewarm because of the drive but they’re still salty and delicious, and he shovels them in as fast as he can.

“Hungry?” Castiel asks, obviously amused.

Dean swallows a too-big mouthful and winces before he responds. “Couldn’t eat much last night, and slept in late this morning. This is the first time I’ve really eaten since lunch yesterday, which I threw up. So yeah, I’m fucking starved.”

“I’m glad I was able to come by then.”

“Me, too,” Dean answers through another mouthful.

“You look better today than you did yesterday,” Castiel comments.

“I’m gonna take that as a compliment instead of an insult, so thank you.”

“I meant it more as an observation about how you must be feeling, but you’re welcome anyway,” Castiel smiles. “You are feeling better?”

“My head doesn’t feel like it’s going to explode every time I move. My finger still hurts like a bitch but I wanted to try Advil instead of the prescription stuff since it makes me so tired,” Dean explains.

“Weren’t you advised to get a lot of rest?”

“Well yeah, but I didn’t want to be sleepy when you came over. Pulled that on you already last night,” Dean reminds him.

“I thought our evening turned out rather well,” Castiel remarks.

Dean grins before he stuffs a chicken nugget into his mouth. “It did,” he agrees. Suddenly, he feels like he has to say _something_ about this morning. To tell Cas he didn’t mean to come onto him that strong, and it just kinda happened because they were all warm from sleep. He chews before he says, “Sorry if I, uh, got a little carried away when we woke up.”

“I don’t think you can take all the blame for that, nor is it something you need to apologize for,” Castiel tells him. “I was a willing participant.”

“Still, I didn’t exactly plan for that, you know? Just felt so good being close to you all warm and sleepy, I wasn’t really thinkin’ about what I was doing.”

“I felt _more_ than okay with it in the moment, and I feel okay about it still.” Dean feels some of the worry he has been holding on to start to dissolve. “I know we’ve both been saying how we should take this slow, but I feel like what we’ve been doing so far is working really well. Getting to know each other, being able to talk about our pasts and our hopes and dreams for the future, plus spending time with Claire together and just enjoying each other’s company is all really good as far as I’m concerned. I don’t feel like we’re moving too fast with the way things are progressing even if we haven’t known each other very long.”

Dean couldn’t keep the smile off of his face even if he wanted to. “You uh, don’t feel like you’re doing the same thing with me as you did with the last two dudes?”

“Not at all. With Arthur… well, let’s just say there was very little talking involved for the duration of our relationship,” Castiel says. Dean ignores the tinge of jealousy he feels twisting inside his stomach. “And with Will, it wasn’t that I moved too fast, it was just that I was totally clueless about the things he was hiding from me.” He takes a drink from his soda before he continues. “With you, I know there are still plenty of things I don’t know about you, but knowing how closely you work with your mom and brother and that you own a well-known business with a good reputation in a small city makes it easy for me to believe you don’t have any big, dark secrets you’re hiding from me.”

“I really don’t,” Dean promises. “I’m an open book, I swear.”

“Speaking of books,” Castiel says, smiling shyly. He wipes his fingers on a paper napkin and picks up the canvas bag he left at his feet. “I took the liberty of checking out a few things for you from the library.”

Dean smiles at his thoughtfulness. “Really? I dunno if I’m allowed to read even if it’s not on a screen,” he realizes.

“That’s alright. I thought of that. I did check out a few of my personal favorite books just in case, but even better than that, I brought you…” Castiel digs into the bag and pulls out a small stack of CDs. “Audiobooks!”

“Audiobooks?” Dean echoes. That’s still a thing?

“Well, you can’t look at anything, or do anything cognitively strenuous, so I thought it might be a good idea to listen to something instead. Music is nice, of course, but you can really lose yourself in a good telling of a book for hours at a time and not even realize it,” Castiel explains.

Dean feels his heart melt inside of him. “I never would’ve thought of that in a million years, Cas. That’s so awesome, man, thank you,” Dean gushes. “What audiobooks did you pick?”

“I thought I should try a series so it could keep you entertained longer, so I got Game of Thrones, and then the next two books after that. As well as the first two books in the Odd Thomas series by Dean Koontz, and a few of the Robert Langdon books by Dan Brown. I didn’t really know what you liked to read, but I thought this would be enough of a selection for you to find at least something you would be interested in.” He places the CDs on the coffee table and then digs into the bag again. “I also did a bit of research and came up with a few popular podcasts you might be interested in. I made a list and printed it off so you could look into them on your own time. One of my favourites is the Modern Vinyl Podcast.”

Holy crap. Cas The Librarian doing research and making lists and printing them off for him so he wouldn’t be bored might actually be the cutest thing in the whole freakin’ world. He tries to ignore all of the mushy feelings bubbling up inside of him so he doesn’t embarrass himself.

“I’ve literally never listened to a podcast in my life. What’s the Modern Vinyl one about?” Dean asks, intrigued.

“Music, really. Um, it’s kind of hard to explain, but it’s almost like being in a music store, but listening to it. I know that sounds weird,” he says, shaking his head.

“Nah, not really. I love music. Especially old stuff. Sounds like the vinyl thing might be right up my alley.”

“I noticed you were listening to Zeppelin when I came in, so I kind of hoped I was on the right track,” he admits. Cas knows Led Zeppelin? That’s a hell of a checkmark in the pro column! “Anyway, I know it might be presumptuous of me to get all of this for you, but I figured you would be bored and I wanted to do something to show you that I’m thinking of you and wishing you a speedy recovery.”

Dean feels his lips quirk at Cas being such a dork for actually saying stuff like that out loud, but again, his heart melts and he can’t believe Cas went out of his way to do all of this for him.

“I, uh, kinda get what you said the other day about how nice it is to have somebody helping out now. I got family who helps me out, but you’re the first guy I’ve ever been with who would go out of his way to do something like this just because.” He hears what just came out of his mouth and flushes. “Not that we’re together - or that I’m with you, you know - but you know what I mean,” he stumbles.

“I’m happy to help however I can. And, for the record, I don’t mind you saying we’re together. At this point, we’ve certainly crossed the boundaries of friendship.”

Dean’s smile grows. He can hardly even believe his luck! “Yeah? So what can I call you then?”

Castiel's smile is just as wide as Dean’s when he answers, “I know we can’t go out together, but perhaps we could say we’re seeing each other? Dating without the actual dates?”

“I _did_ try to have a movie date with you,” Dean reminds him.

“And I would have been more than okay with that and everything else that comes along with a first date,” Castiel divulges.

Dean feels hope fill him up inside. This is very, very good to know. “You know, technically we’ve shared two meals now,” Dean points out, stuffing the last nugget into his mouth to prove his point.

“That’s true. And we had the getting to know you talk that usually happens over coffee or a drink as well,” Castiel adds, quickly catching on to Dean’s trail of thought.

“Hell, we even had beer the night we really talked,” Dean laughs.

“ _And_ you’ve spent the night. Twice.”

“Shit, Cas. Were we dating from the beginning and didn’t even know it?” Dean asks, only half seriously.

“Hmm it does sound that way. At least we managed to figure it out eventually. Although now I’m wondering why we’ve been on so many dates and you haven’t kissed me yet,” Castiel says with a blush creeping up his neck and a big smile still on his face.

“I’m just not that kinda girl, Cas,” Dean teases, and Castiel laughs. “And I’m not kissing you for the first time when we both taste like McDonald’s, so don’t get any ideas. We deserve better than that.”

“I like the way you think, and somehow still dislike you passionately for making me wait even longer,” Castiel says seriously, but Dean can see he’s joking by the lights dancing in his eyes.

“I’ve really built this up, huh?”

Castiel laughs. “You have. I hope you’re up to the challenge.”

Dean exhales loudly. “So no pressure then, awesome!”

Castiel leans over and kisses him on the cheek before he gets to his feet. “I have to get back to work. Claire and I will be home all night, so if you need any help with anything at all, please let me know.”

“Yeah, sure thing, Cas,” Dean agrees, knowing he’d never ask for his help.

“Dean? Remember what you said to me? You just wanted to help me around the house and with Claire because you like me and want to make my life a little bit easier? Same thing applies here. It seems only fair that you let me help you if I have to let you help me,” Castiel says.

Dean rolls his eyes, but Cas has a point. “Okay, you got me. I’ll let you know.”

“Rest this afternoon,” Castiel says sternly. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Thanks for everything,” Dean says to him.

“Anytime,” Castiel tells him with a smile. Then he closes the door behind him and Dean’s left alone again.

Jeez. None of that went how he expected it to.

He had no idea Cas was anywhere close to being ready to move forwards and go from just getting to know each other to actually dating. He’s absolutely freakin’ thrilled about it, it’s just a total surprise.

How sweet is Cas to bring him lunch plus all this stuff to do to help fill his days, too? He wasn’t kidding when he said he’s never been with somebody who would do this kind of thing for him before. This is all new for him. Cas isn’t just into him for good sex a few times a week, he seems to actually be interested in getting to know him for who he is. It’s a really, really nice feeling… and also kind of bizarre.

He can’t stop smiling when he thinks about it though.

Cas _likes_ him.

How did he ever manage to get a guy like Cas - a nice guy, a _smart_ guy, equal parts hot as fuck and unfairly adorable who obviously dotes over his impossibly cuter little girl - into him?

It’s almost too good to be true.

He’s still smiling after he slides the _Angels and Demons_ audiobook by Dan Brown into his laptop. He doesn’t have a CD player, but he didn’t want to mention that to Cas. Besides, this works. He gets comfortable on the couch, pulls the recliner out, and lays back as the deep voice of the narrator resounds through the room. His lips quirk at the different voices the man uses, and he’s pulled into the story almost immediately.

 _Good choice, Cas_ , Dean thinks.

When Dean feels his eyelids begin to droop, he reaches over to stop the audiobook. His jaw drops when he realizes he’s been listening for more than two hours. Cas was absolutely right - it is easy to get lost in listening to them, or at least it was for this one. He types out a quick message to Cas on his way back to his bedroom.

 

 **DEAN:** I spent the last 2+ hours lost in the world of Robert Langdon because this cute guy I just started seeing dropped off the most thoughtful gift earlier. You don’t happen to know who that guy is, do you?

 **CASTIEL:** You think I’m cute?

 **DEAN:** I’m kinda channeling my inner teenage girl here a bit, but… DUH!

 **CASTIEL:** The inner teenager girl thing may be contagious via text because now I can’t stop smiling :) I’m glad you enjoyed the audiobook.

 **DEAN:** Way more than I expected to tbh! I’m about to take a nap. I’ll talk to you when I wake up :)

 **CASTIEL:** Have a good rest :)

 

When Dean lays face down on his bed, his mind drifts over all the times he’s thought about how hot Cas is and tries to come up with a time he actually said it outloud…

When he wakes up again, it’s just shy of five o’clock.

He grabs his phone again, sees messages from Sam and Jo both checking in, and one from Cas with what looks like a video message. Obviously, he clicks that first.

Claire is strapped into her car seat and he hears Cas say, “Say that again, Claire, I didn’t see you.”

“Dee!” Claire says, then signs _please._

“Dean?” Castiel repeats.

“Dee!” Claire says again, _please._ “Deeeee!” _More._

“Okay, honey, I’ll see what I can do, okay? I’ll try.”

Then the video ends.

The text attached to the video says:

 

 **CASTIEL:** Macaroni and cheese anytime after five if you want to swing by. Like you said before, I don’t make the rules, she does!

 **DEAN:** Am I too late?

 **CASTIEL:** Nope, should be ready in less than ten :)

 **DEAN:** I’ll be right over.

 

 **SAM:** You still alive or did you die from boredom? (Don’t answer this if your head hurts)

 **DEAN:** Head’s doing okay, just needed to give it a break I guess lol

 **SAM:** Need anything?

 **DEAN:** I’m good. Cas is making me dinner so I’m gonna eat there.

 **SAM:** Kinda handy to be “not dating” the neighbor huh?

 **DEAN:** Has its perks. Don’t call and wake me up tonight. tty tomorrow.

 

 **JO:** how’s your fat ugly head?

 **DEAN:** I have a beautiful, well-proportioned head thank you very much. And it’s fine.

 **JO:** need food? Porn? lol

 **DEAN:** No heavy lifting, remember? :P

 **JO:** you fuckin wish

 **DEAN:** lol Thanks for checking in :)

 **JO:** won’t make the same mistake twice. But for real lmk if you need anything

 **DEAN:** Thanks loser :P

 

With those messages answered and hopefully everybody off his back for the rest of the night, he uses the bathroom, throws a flannel over his t-shirt and heads over to Cas’s.

He knocks on the door and hears, “Come in!”

He barely has the door closed behind him when he hears a high pitched squeal.

“Eeeee! DEE!” Claire shouts excitedly as she runs over to him as fast as her little legs will carry her. He winces as the sound of her voice seems to cut right through his skull, but tries to shake it off.

He crouches down so he can hug her and she wraps her little arms right around his neck the second she reaches him. Her head rests against his shoulder and his hand pats her soft curls.

“Hey, blondie,” he says to her.

She backs away and gives him a big, toothy smile. “Dee!”

“Yep, I’m here. Did you miss me at daycare?” Claire just looks at him, still with a smile on her face. “I’m gonna take your silence as a yes,” he says with a laugh, and he reaches out to tickle her under her chin.

He stands back up - he’s getting too old to crouch like that - and Claire immediately starts babbling more, “Dee! Dee! DeeDeeDee!”

“I told you she’s been asking for you,” Castiel says, smiling at the two of them from the entryway to the kitchen.

“Hopefully not quite this often,” Dean says, and Castiel laughs.

“Dee!” Claire says again.

“Yeah, buddy?” Dean asks, looking back down at her.

 _Please_ she signs.

“Please, what?”

_Help!_

Dean’s lost. “I got nothin’. Cas?”

“I’m not sure,” Castiel admits. “What do you want, honey?”

Claire lifts her arms up in the air.

“Ohhh maybe she wants me to pick her up?” Dean says. “Sorry, buddy, I don’t know if I can pick you up with one hand without dropping you.”

 _Please!_ Claire signs again, reaching up to him eagerly.

“You want up?” Dean asks her.

 _Yes_ she signs. “Uh!” she says.

Dean whips his head up to make eye contact with Cas. “Did - was that…?” he asks Cas.

Castiel crosses the room to stand beside Dean with a big smile on his face. “What did you say, Claire Bear? What do you want?”

“Dee!” she says.

“Do you want Dean to pick you up?” Castiel asks.

Then Claire lifts her arms again and says, “Uh!”

“Up?” Castiel repeats.

“UH!” Claire says again, louder this time, bouncing up and down impatiently. “DEE! UH!”

“Well, I guess that erases any lingering doubt,” Castiel says, grinning wide. He bends down to pick her up, praising her for another new word before he transfers her into Dean’s arms, making sure he’s holding onto her with his good hand, and the second she’s in Dean’s arms again she lays her head on his chest, making Dean melt.

“I think I might be a little jealous,” Castiel teases Dean.

“Aw, come on, you know she likes you more. I’m just the new shiny toy,” Dean tries to explain.

“I meant of Claire,” Castiel says with a laugh, and then Dean laughs, too.

“Well we can’t have that,” he responds.

He wraps his bad arm around Castiel’s waist and pulls him in so he has an adorable Novak on both shoulders, and he feels his heart fill so quickly he worries it might actually burst. It only lasts a second though before Claire wiggles away and Dean lets her carefully slide her way down his leg until she lands on the floor.

Castiel is still snuggling in though, so Dean runs his bad hand up and down his lower back the best he can. A few seconds later, Castiel lifts his head and they make eye contact. There’s that charge in the air between them again, and Dean brings his good hand up to cup Castiel’s face. Dean’s eyes flick over to see Claire completely engrossed with one of her toys, and then he goes for it.

He tilts his head and lowers his lips to brush gently and chastely against Castiel’s for just a split second before he backs away. A quick peck, really, but it’s enough to make his heart race anyway. He searches Castiel’s eyes for any clue about how he feels about what just happened and is met with a truly breathtaking smile from him.

A pink tinge spreads across Castiel’s cheeks and he opens his mouth to say something when the timer on the oven starts beeping.

“More of that later,” Castiel promises, smiling shyly.

Then he takes off towards the kitchen, leaving Dean standing just inside the door by himself feeling like his entire world just turned upside down. That was barely even a kiss, just a super quick peck between them, and already Dean just _knows_ there’s something different between them - different than what he’s had with anybody else in the past. He knew he was really into Cas but he had no fucking clue how crazy he was about him until right now. How’s he supposed to just sit here and act normal, like one little peck didn’t just knock him off his feet?

Shit.

He drags a hand down his face and takes a deep breath before he walks to the kitchen to give Cas a hand. He notices the daisies in a vase on top of the microwave and smiles.

“What can I do to help?” Dean asks.

“Nothing. I invited you here to help _you_ , not for you to help me,” Castiel answers, scooping some of what looks like a macaroni and cheese casserole into a bowl for Claire. He sees the bowl has what looks like a suction cup bottom on it and thinks that’s pretty freakin’ genius.

“But -” Dean protests.

“No buts this time. When you’re completely recovered you can help, but until then, you just get to sit back and have me serve you,” Castiel insists.

Dean considers. “Well, that ain’t exactly a bad thing. I s’pose I’ll milk it while I can,” he replies, giving in and leaning back against the counter. “That smells and looks amazing, by the way.”

Castiel smiles at him over his shoulder but answers, “Thank you, but it’s nothing really. Macaroni and cheese isn’t exactly hard to make.”

“Sure, but that ain’t just mac and cheese. That shit gets cooked in a pot.”

“Language,” Castiel reminds him, and Dean grimaces. “This is a casserole version. I like to add bacon and more cheese.”

“Marry me,” Dean jokes, and Castiel laughs through his blush.

“So much for slow,” Castiel responds.

“Hey man, you bring bacon into the equation and all bets are off.”

“I’ll have to remember that,” Castiel replies. “Go take a seat at the table and I’ll be right out with your meal.”

“I can carry my own -”

Castiel stops him with a single look. Dean snaps his mouth closed and walks over to the table muttering to himself on the way over.

“Dee? Da?” Claire asks.

He can see her from where he is but apparently she can’t see him. “In here, blondie,” Dean calls out.

She comes into the room to join him. She signs _eat_ and Dean nods. “Yep, we’re going to eat in just a second. Daddy’s just getting it ready.”

She grabs a hold of his jeans and lifts her leg onto the chair, pulling herself up with her arms until she somehow maneuvers her tiny body into a sitting position on his lap. She tilts her head up to look at him and gives him a big smile, somehow managing to convey that she’s proud of her little climb.

“You’re like a cat climbing a tree, you know that?” Dean asks her, and she bounces in delight.

“Uh!” she says.

“Yeah, you got up all by yourself. You’re such a smart girl,” Dean praises her.

He puts one hand on her back so that she doesn’t fall backwards, and the other one sits on her leg. She reaches out her little hand and grabs his hand with the broken finger and lifts his hand up. She looks at the splint, poking at it a bit with her finger, before she looks at him.

“Dean got an owie,” he tries to explain. “It’s sore, so be careful, okay? Gentle,” he repeats.

She reaches her hand out and very slowly and with great care, pets his finger like she’s petting a dog. Then she looks at him with a question in her eyes.

“Yeah, like that. Gentle. Thanks, buddy.”

Claire lifts his hand again and kisses his two fingers in the splint, making a big, “Mmmmmah!” sound as she does it.

“Awww, sweetie, are you kissing my owie all better?” Dean asks with his heart in his throat. He can’t believe what a sweet kid she is.

 _All done_ she signs.

Dean snorts. If only it was that simple. Dean can’t resist pressing a quick kiss to the top of her head. “You’re the cutest little thing, I swear to god.”

Castiel clears his throat and Dean looks up to see him standing behind Claire’s high chair with her tray in his hands and an unrecognizable look on his face. Dean’s heart drops into his stomach and Claire climbs down to walk over to her highchair.

“Sorry,” Dean says quickly. “That probably crossed a line. She was just being so cute, and kissed my finger so it would feel better, and I -”

“It’s okay,” Castiel answers, talking over him. “Not something I’m used to seeing from anybody other than myself, but it’s okay.”

Dean sighs heavily. “I feel like a creeper now.”

Castiel chuckles. “Don’t. It’s perfectly fine, I promise.”

Dean stays awkward and silent while Cas gets Claire into her seat and hands her a tiny spoon with a pink handle on it. Once she’s in, he turns to grab two bowls with forks already sticking out of them and carries them over to the table before he turns right back around and grabs two cans of Pepsi from the fridge.

“Need anything else?” Castiel asks before he sits down.

“No, this is great. Thank you,” Dean answers.

He spears a bite of mac and cheese somewhat awkwardly onto his fork due to his splint, and takes his first bite. He rolls his eyes in appreciation of the gooey, cheesy, deliciousness in his mouth and moans around his bite when he tastes the bacon. He chews a few times before he says, “Holy crap, this is amazing.”

Castiel smiles. “It’s one of my favorites, too. And Claire usually eats it without a fuss, so it’s a nice way to start the weekend.”

“I can see why. I’m gonna need to buy bigger clothes to wear until I can work all these carbs off again,” Dean realizes aloud, stuffing another bite into his face.

“I highly doubt that,” Castiel disagrees.

“Seriously. I burn a lot of calories in a day at work and already have a bit of a belly on me. Without the exercise, I’m actually gonna have to watch what I eat,” Dean says, only now fully realizing the truth in his words.

“How long did you say you have to be off work?” Castiel asks.

“Two weeks. I go back for a check up in a week though to check to make sure my finger is healing, and I could get the okay for moderate exercise then. But still. A week is a long time.”

“Seeing as I haven’t exercised at all since Claire was born, I’ll have to disagree with you there,” Castiel says with a smile.

“How is that even possible, by the way? I’ve seen the way you eat this week. Just as bad as I do. _And_ I’ve seen you with your shirt off, and now that we’re dating or whatever I can say that I definitely checked you out and I know for a fact you don’t look like you eat crap. Tell me your secret,” Dean begs.

“Chasing after a toddler every day for the last six months? Not usually getting to finish an entire meal? Good metabolism? I don’t know what it is, but I am fully aware of how lucky I am,” he answers. “And I can’t believe you just admitted to checking me out when I was half naked when my baby is sitting _right there_ ,” Castiel says, obviously teasing.

Dean snorts as he looks over to see Claire with both hands inside her bowl. “Good thing I didn’t say what I actually thought, then.”

“Wait. What’d you think?”

“Sorry, can’t say. Definitely not age-appropriate material,” Dean answers with a big grin on his face.

“Well now I’m _really_ curious,” Castiel complains.

Claire inserts herself into the conversation by banging her spoon on her tray.

“Ow,” Dean says with a wince as the loud sound feels like it goes straight to his brain again. More accurately, it feels like Claire is banging on his brain with the damn spoon.

_Bang. Bang. Bang._

He winces with each bang and can feel his head beginning to throb again.

“Claire, stop banging your spoon,” Castiel tells her sternly. Even the toughness of his voice is suddenly rubbing Dean the wrong way. Cas reaches over to grab it and then waits for her to meet his eyes before he says, “No.”

"Dean has an owie right here, too,” Dean adds, pointing at his head. He tries desperately to ignore how rough his own voice sounds. He points to her spoon. “That is big owies for Dean. Crying, too.”

Claire looks at Dean as if she's considering what he just said, and puts her spoon down on the tray gently. Then she digs into the mac and cheese with her hands again and smiles at him.

“Thankfully it’s bath night anyway,” Castiel remarks and Dean tries to smile although something about that banging really seemed to set off his head hurting again. This is the first time it’s hurt all day.

He tries to concentrate on finishing his meal but the nausea is back with a vengeance and what tasted absolutely delicious a few minutes ago is now thick like glue in his mouth. He can’t do it.

He covers his eyes with his hands for just a second, trying to block out all the light and get his shit back together, and it feels _so much_ better that he doesn’t want to pull his hands away.

He feels a hand on his shoulder and hears Castiel say quietly, “Are you alright?”

Dean’s first instinct is to say yes even though he’s really not. “Yeah, I’m okay,” he lies, but he’s betrayed by how off his voice sounds.

The hand leaves his shoulder and Dean can hear the click as Castiel flicks off the kitchen light. Most of the tension he was holding in his shoulders without even knowing it seeps away and he pulls his hands away from his face again.

“Oooooh!” Claire says, pointing up at the light that’s now out.

“You don’t have to pretend to be alright when you’re obviously not,” Castiel says, walking back over to him and crouching down to look him over closely. “You have a concussion. It’s okay to be in less than perfect health.”

“Yeah,” Dean answers gruffly. “I’m real sorry, Cas, but I can’t eat any more either.”

“Are you nauseous?” Castiel asks.

Dean nods, and then winces again when he immediately regrets that decision as pain radiates through his head.

“I think you should take some more of those prescribed painkillers and lie down,” Castiel suggests. He places his hands on Dean’s thighs to steady himself.

“Don’t want to. Want to stay here with you guys,” Dean admits. “I didn’t even get to play with Claire.”

“You can play another time,” Castiel insists. “Neither of us wants to see you in any unnecessary pain.”

“I don’t wanna go back home by myself,” Dean admits. He was alone most of the day and he doesn’t want to be alone again.

A look of sadness passes over Castiel’s face before he gently rubs his hands on Dean’s thighs to comfort him. “It’s not even six. Why don’t you go take your nap, and when you wake up, you can come back over after Claire is in bed if you’re feeling better.”

“Yeah?” Dean asks, suddenly hopeful again. He probably _could_ use a painkiller.

“If you’re up to it, I don’t see why not. I stay up a little later on Friday nights too since I don’t have to wake up so early to shower before Claire wakes up.”

“Yeah. Okay. Thanks for understanding. You know I loved dinner before, uh, well…”

“Before my daughter broke your head. I noticed,” Castiel says with a half smile. “And don’t worry about dinner. I can pack some up for you to take home later.”

Castiel straightens his legs so that he’s standing again, wincing when his knees crack which makes Dean laugh a little. Dean stands as well and Castiel wraps an arm around him right away, like he might fall over if he doesn’t. And okay, yeah, Dean isn’t quite as steady as he’d like to be, but he can walk.

“I’m okay,” he assures Cas.

Castiel scoffs and keeps his hand where it is while he walks him to the door. “I officially will never believe those words coming out of your mouth again since you’ve lied both times you’ve said them tonight.”

“I _am_ fine,” Dean disagrees. “I’m not perfect, but I’ve been worse.”

“And you probably insisted you were fine then, too.”

Dean _had_ but that’s not the point. “Jeez Cas, I let you date me for half a day and you already know me a little too well.”

Castiel laughs again and swoops in to place a kiss on his cheek. “And as the man you’re dating who would like to continue dating you even after getting a glimpse at your stubborn streak, please promise me you’re going to take one of those painkillers and lie down.”

“Hmm yeah, I guess guys willing to put up with my shit _are_ hard to find,” Dean says easily.

Castiel opens the door for Dean and hesitantly lets him go. “Let me know -"

“- if I need anything. Yeah, yeah, I got it, Cas,” Dean promises.

“Just come over when you wake up if it’s after eight, and _only_ if you’re up for it.”

“Unless I don’t wake up, I’ll be up for it,” Dean assures him. “Say goodnight to Claire for me.”

“I will. I’ll see you soon,” Castiel says.

Dean starts walking towards his apartment but doesn’t hear Cas’s door close. He turns around to see him watching him walk down the hall. “Really?” Dean asks.

Castiel just crosses his arm across his chest and lifts his eyebrows. Maybe Dean’s not the only stubborn one in this relationship. That oughta be interesting. He rolls his eyes as he lets himself into his apartment, then gives a flirty little wave before he walks into his apartment.

He almost made it a full day without the prescription pills. Might’ve made it if it wasn’t for Claire being a dinner time drummer. He swallows one down and drops his jeans by the side of the bed before he climbs back in. Him and his memory foam are going to be good friends the next couple of days, apparently.

He feels his body relax as his head is cushioned by the pillow, and it’s only a few minutes before he falls asleep again.

He wakes up at 8:30, and belatedly wonders if he’s going to be able to get back to sleep again in a few hours if he just woke up. Sitting up slowly, he's pleased to notice his head isn’t killing him anymore. Either the painkiller worked, or he just needed a quiet, dark place to chill for a bit.

He gets up, uses some mouthwash to get the gross taste out of his mouth, and then makes his way back over to Cas’s place.

He knocks and hears Cas tell him to come in. Cas is looking awfully comfortable on the couch, so he goes over to join him.

“You look much better,” Castiel tells him in lieu of hello.

“Guess you think you’re pretty smart, huh?” Dean smiles.

“I do enjoy being right,” Castiel responds. “But mostly, I’m just glad you look more like yourself.” Castiel takes his hand and their fingers slide together perfectly, causing that warmth to bubble up inside of Dean again.

“Can’t believe you still like me after seeing me look like a bag of crap the last few days,” Dean comments.

“Even not feeling your best, you’re still unfairly attractive,” Castiel divulges.

“I am, am I?”

“As if you don’t already know that people think you’re good looking,” Castiel says in disbelief.

“I don’t really care what other people think anymore, though.”

“Well in that case, allow me to assure you that if you never looked better than how you did yesterday when you were pale, barely able to stand on your own two feet, and wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt several sizes too large for you, I would still think you’re gorgeous, and still like you just as much,” Castiel says, looking down at their hands linked together.

“Jeez, you’re gonna make me blush, Cas,” Dean says, half joking.

“I highly doubt that,” Castiel laughs.

“So, what do you wanna do?” Dean asks him.

“I thought about that while you were napping. I was wondering how you felt about board games?”

“Board games, huh?” Dean considers. “Been a while. What do you have?”

“I have Monopoly, Trivial Pursuit, Battleship…”

“Battleship! Man, I haven’t played that in _years_ ,” Dean answers.

“Would you like to play?”

“I dunno. That depends on how sore of a loser you are,” Dean teases.

“So it’s going to be like that, is it?” Castiel asks, giving his hand a squeeze.

“You didn’t think I was gonna be nice and let you win just because I think you’re hot, did you?”

Castiel’s eyes are dancing with amusement when he answers, “I did think you might try it to get into my pants.”

Dean chokes on his spit a little bit before he can recover enough to ask, “Wait. Would that work?”

“No,” Castiel snickers. “I’ll be right back.”

Dean’s still smiling when Castiel comes back a minute later and hands him one of the game boards. Castiel sits with his back against the arm of the couch and his feet pointed towards the middle of the couch and Dean, so Dean mirrors his position. They arrange their legs so that they’re slotted between each other’s and he feels that warmth inside of him again when he thinks about how comfortable he is with Cas.

They each set up their boats and he can’t help grinning thinking about all the times he’s played this with Sam. They were always pretty evenly matched and even though Sam would cry like a little baby when he lost, he won often enough that it was still fun to play.

“Are you ready?” Castiel asks him.

“I dunno Cas, are you sure you can handle taking my ship?” Dean asks, trying and failing to suppress his smile.

Castiel snorts and shakes his head. “You better not disappoint me with the Destroyer.” He holds up the tiniest boat in his fingers and Dean cracks up.

“Ya know, you’d think a name like that would have a bigger ship to back it up.” Castiel chuckles again and Dean continues, “You’re not gonna try the _size doesn’t matter_ line on me? What if I have one of those micro dicks?”

Castiel frowns. “Is that really a thing?”

Dean lifts his eyebrows. “Ask me how I know.”

Surprised laughter bubbles out of Castiel and he runs a hand down his face trying to get himself together. “Thankfully, I believe I’ve already seen enough evidence of the size of your _boat_ to know it’s not micro anything,” Castiel reminds him.

“Checkin’ out my submarine, huh?” Dean teases, and Castiel blushes a little.

“Okay, okay. That’s enough fooling around. Let’s see if you can sink my ship,” Castiel says, and then they look at each other and both burst out laughing again. “That wasn’t even intentional! You’ve managed to turn every part of this into something dirty and we haven’t even started yet!”

“It’s a gift, what can I say.”

“Since I have home advantage, you can go first,” Castiel tells him.

“I usually like to make my partner go first, but since you insist, game on.”

There are several misses right off the bat, until finally, Castiel guesses, “A6.”

“Hit,” Dean sighs.

“Ha!” Castiel laughs.

“Hope you’re proud of yourself, Cas. You pegged my vessel,” Dean replies with a wink.

“That _is_ the way I prefer it,” Castiel replies with a wolfish grin, and Dean feels his face flush. Dammit, Cas! He’s supposed to be the one making Castiel blush, not the other way around!

He misses his guess and Castiel misses on A5, too.

“Okay, no big deal. So you dress right,” Castiel jokes.

Dean snorts. He didn't see that one coming! “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

He never would’ve thought Cas would be the kinda guy to go toe to toe with him on sexual innuendos during a game of Battleship, but here they are.

He kinda loves it.

He finally gets a hit on F5 and does a small seat dance in celebration. Castiel misses on A7, but Dean misses on G5.

“B6,” Castiel says confidently.

Dean sighs. “Destroyer sunk.”

Castiel puts his hands in the air and pumps them palms up into the air.

“Are you… raising the roof right now?” Dean asks, unable to contain his amusement. Castiel just smiles back at him, shrugging. “You are an adorable dork, you know that?”

“An adorable dork who just sunk your ship,” Castiel reminds him.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s one of five. Don’t get cocky.” Castiel presses his lips into a tight line, once again failing to hide his smile, and Dean huffs out a laugh once he realizes what he said. “You’re so immature.”

“I know you are but what am I?”

“Woooow,” Dean says, dragging the word out. It’s been _years_ since he’s heard somebody say that. “F6.” He tries to disguise _loser_ in a cough and earns himself a kick from Castiel which only makes him laugh again. Man, he’s having more fun playing this game with Cas than he’s had in a really long time.

The game continues the way it started. Castiel has sunk all of Dean’s ships by the time Dean finally finds his second one, and Castiel is showing absolutely no mercy.

His final ship goes down after a quietly triumphant, “J10,” from Castiel.

“Submarine sunk,” Dean pouts, and when Castiel cheers for himself (quietly so he doesn’t wake up Claire) Dean throws the stupid plastic ship at him, and pegs him right on the cheek. Castiel’s eyes widen dramatically with shock and they both dissolve into laughter again.

Dean isn't ready to take his loss without a fight though, so he challenges him to another game. Much to his disappointment, it goes eerily similar to the first, and Castiel blows him out of the water all over again.

Dean leans over to place his game board on the table with a dramatic sigh and Castiel does the same. The very next thing he knows, Castiel is rearranging himself so that he’s on his stomach between Dean’s legs with his head on his chest.

Dean wraps his arms around him happily and runs his good hand up and down his back.

“That was fun,” Castiel comments.

“Yeah, for you. You’re the one who won,” Dean reminds him.

“How’s your head doing?”

“Still good. Hasn’t hurt since I came over here,” Dean answers. There’s a small silence where Dean starts wondering if he’ll get to see Cas again tomorrow. “What’s a weekend look like for you and Claire?”

“Nothing too exciting,” Castiel responds. “We go out for breakfast every Saturday. Last weekend was the first time we went to the little diner down the street, and we stopped at the park on the way back, which was nice.” Dean remembers seeing them there last weekend out his window and smiles at the memory. “So we’ll probably do that again tomorrow. I would invite you, but I don’t think that the noise of a diner or the park would be good for you.”

“No, you’re probably right. And that’s okay, anyway. I don’t wanna intrude in every aspect of your lives,” Dean tells him.

“I appreciate that, but I wouldn’t have minded you joining us if you could have. Um, we usually do groceries on the weekend, either Saturday or Sunday depending which day Claire seems to be in the best mood. What about you? Likely more exciting than us.”

“Not really,” Dean disagrees. “Friday night I have my weekly thing with my friends that I told you about. We just hang out doing different things each time. Movies, bowling, dinner, drinks, video games, whatever. I babysit one Saturday night a month for Jess and Sam so they can have date night. Try to do my running around on Saturday like most people. Date whenever I can find somebody interesting.  And on Sunday we always have family dinner at my mom’s. I usually go over in the afternoon and help her cook, help out around the house, or just keep her company.”

“You’re a good man, aren’t you?” Castiel asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Helping your mom out around the house. Family dinner on Sundays. It’s just so… homey, I guess. You’re very lucky to have that,” Castiel tells him.

Dean nods. “Yeah, I mean, I don’t really spend a lot of time thinking that way because we’re kind of insane when we all get together. But you’re right. My family’s pretty great. All of them are already bugging me about meeting you, by the way. And they’re annoying as fuck until they get their way. Just a fair warning.”

“Really? Why do they want to meet me?”

“According to Sam, none of them have seen me _lovey dovey_ on a guy in a long time,” Dean confesses. It’s easier to say that kinda thing when Cas isn’t looking at him.

“When did Sam see you lovey dovey with me? I didn’t think I met him yet,” Castiel wonders aloud.

“No, you haven’t. I guess it was when we were texting or whatever.”

“If you look lovey dovey when you’re texting me, that’s adorable,” Castiel gushes.

“Oh shut up,” Dean says, poking him in the ribs playfully.

“It’s kind of strange that I know most of your family already, isn’t it? I know your mom, I’ve met your sister-in-law, saw your nephew in passing. There’s really just, what? Sam that I haven’t met?”

“I kinda think of Ellen, Jo, and Charlie as family, too. But yeah, it is sorta nice that I don’t have to worry about them liking you because the rest of them already do. Takes some of the pressure off,” Dean realizes.

“Off of me, too. Though I don’t know how they like me already from the limited interactions we’ve had,” Castiel says.

“Jess thinks you’re hot,” Dean remembers.

“She does?”

“‘Course she does. How could she not?” Dean asks.

“Very smooth,” Castiel says, and Dean can hear the smile in his voice.

“And my mom likes anybody who makes me happy.”

“I make you happy?” Castiel asks, his voice soft.

“Kinda stupidly happy if I’m gonna be honest,” Dean replies. Then he feels like he needs to change the subject so he doesn’t scare Cas away. “Uh, does it freak you out that my family’s already bugging me about getting to know you better?”

“No. I mean, it’s different, definitely. I never met the families of either Arthur or Will. But seeing as you work with your family and Claire goes to the daycare, there was no avoiding it anyway. I might as well dive right in,” Castiel says optimistically.

Dean knows he probably has another one of those lovey dovey smiles on his face again as he says, “You’re perfect, you know that?”

“I assure you I’m not, but I will happily allow you to believe that for as long as I can maintain the illusion.”

Dean drops a kiss on the top of his head and feels Castiel snuggle in even closer.

“Why’s this so easy with you already, huh?” Dean asks, not really expecting much of an answer.

“Had to happen sooner or later,” Castiel responds, and the butterflies in his stomach kick in again. He can only hope Cas feels as good being with him as he does being with Cas. He doesn’t want to go home. He kinda wishes he lived further away so he had an excuse to stay over again.

“Kinda hard to believe that a week ago I didn’t even know you existed. Now I’m snuggled up on your couch tryin’ to convince myself it’s time to go,” Dean admits.

“I would ask you to stay again if it wasn’t for Claire,” Castiel says quietly.

“It’s okay. It’s weird to want to stay anyway when I got my own bed right next door,” Dean answers. He doesn’t know who he’s trying to convince, but it doesn’t sound very believable even to his own ears.

“ _Is_ it weird?” Castiel asks. “I liked sharing my bed with you. I thought you felt the same.”

Dean lets out a breath. “I did. I just thought it was a little much admitting to wanting to again.”

Castiel sits up and Dean immediately hates the space between them. “You know you don’t have to do that, right?”

“Do what?”

“Pretend to feel differently than how you actually do because you think what you feel is too much,” Castiel explains.

He can feel his face quickly heating up and he really hates it. “Don’t wanna freak you out.”

“You won’t. I can almost guarantee you that whatever you feel when you’re with me, I’m feeling the same thing.”

“Yeah?” Dean asks, really happy about the idea.

“Yeah,” Castiel smiles. “No more hiding your feelings, okay?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Dean responds. “I should probably get going, huh?”

“Even though you wish you could stay,” Castiel finishes for him.

“Even though I wish I could stay,” Dean echoes, getting to his feet.

Castiel walks him to the door with his hand on on his lower back. When they reach the door after a few quick steps, Dean turns towards him.

“Thanks for playing lame games with me since I can’t do anything fun,” Dean tells him.

“This is the best Friday night I’ve had in months,” Castiel responds.

“God, me too,” Dean admits, and Castiel laughs. Their eyes meet and Dean feels a swooping sensation in his stomach. “No more hiding how I’m feeling, right, Cas?” Dean asks, his voice barely a whisper.

Castiel answers by taking a step closer to him.

Dean drops his eyes to Castiel’s lips, wanting to be really, _really_ sure they’re both on the same page here. When Castiel slides his hands up Dean’s chest, Dean's breath comes out in a stuttering exhale, and he tips his head down to capture Castiel’s lips with his.

Just like earlier, the second their lips meet Dean feels that spark between them. It only grows as their lips move together slowly, just getting a feel for each other before Dean can’t hold back anymore and presses his lips against Castiel’s more firmly, searching for more. Castiel answers the pressure of his lips by opening his mouth and sliding his tongue across Dean’s bottom lip. Dean’s breath hitches as his mouth parts for Cas, and then their tongues meet in the middle, sending arousal flooding through Dean's body, and Castiel’s fingers slide into the short hair on the back of Dean’s head.

As Castiel’s tongue moves against his sinfully, Dean’s hands slide around his waist, settling on the seductive curve of his lower back, and suddenly he’s desperately wishing he was touching his skin instead of his t-shirt. He makes a soft sound of pleasure into Cas’s mouth, and Castiel moves his hands from his hair onto his face, tilting his head slightly to the side and diving into his mouth even further. He feels hot all over. He knows his cock is plumping up between his legs and his stomach is swirling with desire. 

Jesus Christ. He’s never been kissed like this in his entire life. He feels like his veins are on fire. Castiel is devouring him, taking him apart with each swipe of his tongue like it’s the easiest thing in the world, and _Dean’s letting him._ Dean’s always, _always_ led when it comes to being with a partner and he had no idea it would feel this good to let somebody else take control. He lets himself sink into the kiss, thinking only about how unbelievably good it feels to finally kiss Castiel. To learn the way he tastes and the what he likes.

Just as he’s beginning to really consider letting Cas push him back against the door, Castiel starts pulling away bit by bit, closing his mouth, and pressing a final, soft but lingering kiss to his lips.

When he opens his eyes again he sees Castiel’s head tipped back, looking up at him like he hung the moon.

“Holy shit,” Dean manages to gasp.

Castiel grins before he drops his eyes to Dean’s chest.

 _How?_ How can Castiel be shy like this and blush when he flirts with him but absolutely blow his mind with a single kiss? He’s driving him crazy!

“Worth the build up?” Dean asks.

“Oh yeah,” Castiel answers quickly, nodding his head slowly. “Holy shit pretty much covers it for me, too." He swallows obviously, seeming shy again before he asks, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, right?”

“Good luck keepin’ me away after that,” Dean says, which makes Castiel huff out a bit of a laugh.

He reaches for the door knob and pulls it open, then changes his mind when he’s halfway through the doorway and turns back around to tug Castiel into his arms again. He holds him close and buries his nose in the crook of Castiel’s neck, just inhaling his new favorite scent: Castiel. He runs his good hand up his neck and into his hair before he smooths it down again, then with one final squeeze he lets go, sliding his palm across Castiel’s cheek and getting another shy smile from him. “Night Cas.”

“Goodnight, Dean,” Castiel says softly.

When Dean falls asleep a little while later, it’s with the memory of that softness in Castiel’s voice playing in his head and a small smile on his lips.


	7. Chapter 7

Dean spends Saturday in his pajamas listening to _Angels and Demons_. He has nowhere to go and nothing to do, so he allows himself to just lounge for once. He makes bacon and eggs for brunch and drinks way more coffee than he should, but his head feels better than it has since he hurt it, and the Advil is keeping the pain in his ring finger manageable. He feels lazy, but human in a way he hasn’t since he hurt himself.

He’s just nodding off on the couch at 1:30 when an unexpected knock on his door has him looking down at himself in his pajama bottoms and an old black hoodie and cursing his choice not to get dressed.

He’s about to ask who it is when he hears, “Deeeee! Dee! Dee!” through the door plain as day.

Allowing himself a small moment of mortification for being caught in his pajamas in the middle of the day, he shrugs and tells himself this is his punishment for being lazy.

Opening the door he sees Claire holding a rather squished loaf of bread, Castiel behind her with a few canvas bags in his hands, and most surprisingly, his own mother standing behind them also with armfuls of bags.

“Uh, hi guys,” Dean says cautiously. It’s not everyday you open your door to the dude you’re dating _and_ your mom... together... when you’re expecting neither of them.

“Sorry to just drop in on you like this,” Castiel says after he obviously takes in the sight of Dean in his pajamas, but Claire is already pushing her way through the doorway so Dean backs up to let everybody in.

“It’s fine. I mean, I’m obviously havin’ a lazy day, but it’s always nice to see you… with my mom…”

“Oh!” Castiel says, like he forgot she was with him.

“I wasn’t with him, I just ran into him in the hallway, sweetie,” Mary says, also walking right in.

“What’s goin’ on?” Dean asks.

“Seems like we both had the same idea,” Mary says, making her way into the kitchen. “I know you usually do groceries today and that you’re not allowed to drive, so I got you some staples when I was out picking up everything for tomorrow.”

“And I realized the same thing while Claire and I were doing our groceries. I didn’t know what you’d need, so I just got a bunch of stuff I thought you might be out of,” Castiel says, holding up the bags in his hands.

Dean feels a soft smile come to his face. “You bought me groceries?”

“I couldn’t have you living off of take out after you were so worried about your body yesterday,” Castiel says with a small smile. “It’s nothing really. Just squished bread thanks to Claire, eggs, some sandwich meat, cheese, peanut butter, fruit (Dean distinctly hears his mom try to cover a laugh with a cough), a frozen pizza, Eggos, some juice, a box of cereal, some canned soups and stews, and a couple of snacks.”

“Snacks?” Dean asks, suddenly more interested, taking the bags from Castiel and bringing them into the kitchen to leave them on the counter before he walks back over to Castiel.

Castiel laughs. “Yes. I remembered that you like junk food as much as I do. So I got Pop Tarts, potato chips, pretzels, and ice cream. And you said you love pie, so I got you one of those, too.”

“Holy sh- crap,” Dean corrects. He can almost feel his heart swelling in his chest. “You bought me pie?”

Castiel shrugs almost shyly and Dean’s overwhelmed with the desire to kiss him.

Dean searches out Clare to find her pulling all of Dean’s DVDs off his entertainment unit. Well, at least she didn’t go for his guitar propped in the corner. He frowns at the mess for a second, but then uses the distraction to lean in and press his lips to Castiel’s softly. He lingers just a hair longer than a peck would last, and he feels Castiel’s lips curve into a smile against his before he backs away. “Thank you. You’re seriously the sweetest, Cas.”

“Okay, where’s my kiss?” Mary asks, which makes Dean jump away to put additional space between him and Cas with his eyes wide. “You completely forgot I was here, didn’t you?”

Yep, he sure did. “I was distracted by a hot guy with pie, ma. Can you really blame me?” Dean asks. He notices that Cas has started blushing and is looking down at the ground again and he wishes he could kiss him all over again because he’s so freaking adorable.

“Not one bit. Castiel, sweetie, thank you for taking such good care of my baby.”

“Maaaa,” Dean gripes, but she just smiles at him as she continues putting what she bought away. “What’d _you_ buy me?”

“Nothing that’s going to make you smile at me like you were smiling at him,” Mary teases.

Dean walks over and hugs her from behind anyway, placing a loud, smacking kiss on her cheek. “Thanks mom. If Cas wasn’t the world’s nicest guy I really would’ve needed this stuff.”

“And I’m sure you’ll eat all of it anyway. I’m glad you have somebody other than family looking out for you for once,” Mary says, smiling over at Castiel now.

“He would have done the same for me,” Castiel says easily. “You have raised a very thoughtful, kind, respectful, albeit somewhat immature man, Mrs. Winchester. You should be very proud of him.”

Mary and Dean both smile at Cas calling him immature before Mary slings an arm around Dean’s waist and answers, “I certainly am. Every single day. Both of my boys are better men than I could’ve hoped for.”

“Because of you, from everything I’ve heard,” Castiel adds.

Dean actually sees his mom _blush_ at Castiel’s praise and now he wants to kiss him for the third time. “Can we keep this one, honey?” she says to Dean.

“I’ll do my best,” Dean promises with a wink in Castiel’s direction. He notices Claire is still making a mess and realizes that he was too distracted by Cas showing up with his mom to say hi to her. “Hey Claire,” he says, and Claire looks his way. “No hug for me today?” He crouches down and opens his arms for a hug. She grins before she drops the DVD case she was trying to open and pushes herself up with her hands to come over to give him a hug.

Her arms wrap around his neck and she bounces before she says, “Uh!”

“You little monster!” Castiel says in Claire’s direction. “I’ve been trying to get her to say that all morning!” Castiel is clearly exasperated, trying to explain why to Dean. “She wouldn’t say it for anything! I can’t believe this!”

“You must not‘ve been the right motivation,” Dean teases. “Can you help me out with picking her up again?” Castiel walks over and tickles Claire’s belly before he puts her in Dean’s arms. Her little hand reaches right up to his face and she rubs her hand against the scruff he hadn’t shaved this morning and makes an unimpressed face at him. “That’s a little different, huh?”

“Looks good on you,” Castiel says quietly. Dean flicks his eyes to his mom who is standing behind Cas, and she bounces her eyebrows at him. He smiles before he looks back at Cas. He’s all too aware of his mom taking note of every damn thing him and Cas are saying to each other so she can go gossip about it with Jess and everybody else later. He tries not to think about it.

“You wanna sit for a bit?”

“Sure. We can’t stay long since it’s almost Claire’s naptime, but if you don’t mind her continuing to trash your apartment, then I’d love to sit with you for a bit,” Castiel replies.

“She’ll just have to clean up before she leaves,” Dean says, sitting on the couch with Claire on his lap. She reaches right up for his facial hair again, touching it tentatively. Dean pretends he’s going to eat her hands and she breaks out into giggles.

“Mrs. Winchester, do you want a hand putting the rest of those groceries away before I sit down?” Castiel asks.

“No, thank you, Castiel. You just take a load off and keep being adorable with my boy there,” she says, which makes both him and Cas smile at each other.

“I think you have an admirer,” Dean stage whispers when he sits beside him.

“It’s only fair since the most important girl in my life is clearly an admirer of yours,” Castiel comments, he says, nodding at the way Claire’s staring up at Dean with a small smile on her face. “I still can’t believe she asked you to pick her up,” Castiel repeats, clearly a little bitter about it.

“Is that another new word?” Mary asks from the kitchen.

“Yep, she said it last night when Cas had me over for dinner,” Dean explains.

“And she wouldn’t say it all morning even though I asked her several times,” Castiel finishes.

“Dean really seems to have a way with her, doesn’t he?” Mary remarks.

“He certainly does,” Castiel agrees.

“We’re as thick as thieves, huh, buddy?” Dean says to Claire, booping her on the nose. “Did you go to the park with Daddy this morning?”

 _Yes_ , Claire signs.

“Did you go on the swings?” Dean asks.

 _Yes_ , Claire signs again. Then she grabs a hold of one of her shoes and puts it up in the air.

“Shoes?” Dean asks, wondering about the significance of such a thing.

 _Yes_ , Claire signs, her eyes bright.

“Oh! Did Daddy get your shoes when you were on the swing?”

Claire shakes her head. “Dee!” _More._

“Dean gets your feet,” he agrees. “You like that, huh?”

_Yes._

“I’ll get them again soon,” Dean promises. “As soon as I can stand long enough to walk to the park, it’s a date, buddy.”

Claire leans forwards to lay her head on his chest, but only a few seconds later she scoots herself off of Dean’s lap and goes over to Castiel to plant her butt there instead. Castiel leans down to drop a kiss on top of her head and she lays back against his chest rubbing her eyes.

“Hmmm looks like Claire’s tired,” Castiel comments.

 _Milk_ , Claire signs.

Castiel sighs. “I’m sorry, Dean, but it looks like Claire is ready for her cup of milk, which means she’s tired and ready for a nap.”

“Huh. A kid who asks to go to sleep,” Dean says, surprised.

“She’s always been an excellent sleeper, and we keep a rigid routine,” Castiel tells him getting to his feet again. There’s a quick pang of what feels like regret inside of Dean that he doesn’t already know that without Cas having to tell him, but it’s a silly thought to have, so he tries to forget about it.

“Hey, how much were groceries by the way?” Dean asks, looking around for his wallet.

“Don’t worry about that. You paid for pizza the other night,” Castiel reminds him.

“And you bought me lunch yesterday!”

“You bought all the snacks for movie night,” Castiel argues.

“Which we didn’t even use!”

“But we will. I assure you, it’s fine, Dean,” Castiel insists. _Milk_ , Claire signs again. “I have to go. I’ll talk to you later, I’m sure. Mrs. Winchester, it was nice running into you.”

“Same to you, Castiel. I expect to see you ‘round for dinner tomorrow if you don’t already have other plans,” Mary says, walking towards Castiel at the door.

“Dinner tomorrow?” Castiel repeats.

“That’s right. Both you and Claire. Dinner is served at 5:30, so you and Claire can be back plenty early enough for her to go to bed.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Castiel tries. “Dean told me it’s a weekly family… event… and I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“I insist,” Mary says. “It would be a great help to Dean, too, since he’s not supposed to drive. I can even think up some of Dean’s most embarrassing stories to thank you with.”

“Hey!” Dean says, insulted.

“Well, I suppose I can’t turn that down then, can I?” Castiel says, grinning at Dean. “Thank you, Mrs. Winchester. I would love to join you for dinner.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Mary says. “Bye, Claire. Have a good nap, sweetie.”

Dean can’t kiss Cas again with his mom _right there_ and watching this time so he just gives him a smile, hoping he knows he wishes he could’ve kissed him, and then Cas and Claire leave.

Dean turns around and the first thing he sees is the DVDs on the floor. Dammit. He forgot to get Claire to clean them up. _Well, I guess she’s off the hook this time._

He gets down on the ground carefully so he can start putting them away. “That was awfully sneaky of you,” he says to his mom.  

“Who, me?” she asks, smiling knowingly.

“Yeah, you. Cornering him like that to get him to come to dinner.”

“I had to! You can’t see yourself with him the way I can. He’s obviously very special to you. Claire, too,” she adds. “I need to get to know them better.”

Dean can’t even begin to deny it with his mom. “It’s crazy, ma. I dunno. I’ve never just clicked with somebody so fast before. I haven’t even known him a week and already... god. I’m crazy about him. About Claire, too.”

“I know, sweetie,” she says quietly. “I can see it.”

“Dumb to like him this much this fast,” Dean says more to himself than her.  

“You are not dumb,” she insists. “What makes you think you have a choice, anyway?”

“Huh?”

“You can’t exactly control how much you care about somebody,” she tells him.

Hm. He’s never thought about it like that before. “Maybe not,” he relents. “But maybe I should be putting some space between us or something so we don’t move too fast.”

“Well, that’s entirely up to you two, of course. But if you ask me, it doesn’t seem like Castiel wants that any more than you do,” she comments. “I know you’re just getting to know each other, but you seem happy, Dean. Don’t overthink it too much. Just let it be and see what happens,” she suggests.

Dean nods. “We uh, actually decided to start dating yesterday. Seeing each other or whatever,” he admits.

“Aw, that’s wonderful, Dean! Even more reason to have him and Claire over tomorrow. I need to make sure he’s worthy of one of my favorite sons,” she says with a smile.

He puts the last DVD back where it belongs and gets to his feet with an answering grin on his face. “What would I do without you screening my potential boyfriends?”

“Hopefully we have plenty of time left before we have to worry about that,” she says lightly. “How’ve you been feeling, honey?”

“Good. Finger still hurts, but I’m either getting used to the constant pain or it’s getting better slowly. Still a major pain in the ass to do pretty much anything with the damn splint on, though,” he admits.

“And your head? Any more dizziness or nausea?”

Dean shrugs, not wanting to worry his mom. “Just a bit last night after Claire was using her spoon as a drumstick. I took a painkiller and laid down and it was fine again when I woke up.”

“Hmm. Make sure you bring some of those painkillers with you tomorrow, then. If you’re triggered by loud noises, then you know you’re likely to need them at dinner with our family,” she smiles.

“Yeah, I’ll bring ‘em. If Cas is gonna drive me over I probably won’t be there as early as usual to help out,” he reminds his mom.

“You know I always appreciate your help, but I can handle it,” she promises.

“Want me to make some dessert to bring over?”

“Can you? With your finger?” she checks.

Dean thinks about. “Probably can’t do any pastries or pie, but I could do a cake or brownies, maybe?”

“Brownies would be perfect. Only if you’re up for it,” she says.

“In exchange for the not super embarrassing stories tomorrow?” Dean tries to barter.

His mom laughs and leans in to pat him on the cheek. “And take all the fun out of it for me? No way.”

“Oh, come on!”

She just laughs some more. “Everything’s all put away. Do you need anything else before I go?”

“Nah, I’m just gonna take it easy for the rest of the day. Not even planning to put real pants on,” he says.

“Good for you. You deserve a day off. If you think of anything you need just let me know, okay? And I’ll see you and your date tomorrow for dinner.”

Dean smiles, really liking the sounds of _your date_ when it comes to Castiel. “I will. Thanks for the groceries.”

“Of course,” she says simply. “See you tomorrow.”

“Bye, ma.”

Dean’s stunned by the sudden silence for a moment after she leaves. He runs a hand through his hair and flops back down onto the couch. He grabs his phone and sees a few messages waiting from him.

 

 **CHARLIE:** SIX DAYS IS TOO LONG DEAN WINCHESTER

 **DEAN:** I miss you too, buddy

 **CHARLIE:** Okay, good. That would’ve been hella awkward if you didn’t. Can I come over?

 **DEAN:** Since when do you ask to come over?

 **CHARLIE:** Since you were benched for Friday night fun for Humpty Dumptying yourself

 **CHARLIE:** I should bring Chinese with me, right?

 **DEAN:** Hell yeah! Come later, though. I need to nap. And I’m not changing out of my pjs. Five or six?

 **CHARLIE:** Pj party ftw \o/

 

Dean’s still shaking his head at her fondly when he goes to the next message from Cas.

 

 **CASTIEL:** I realize your mom put you in an awkward position inviting me to family dinner in front of you. If you’d rather I don’t come, I can make up an excuse and wouldn’t think any less of you for it.

 **DEAN:** Nice try! There’s no getting out of this now :) And I want you there. Wanna show you and that cute baby of yours off.

 **CASTIEL:** I probably won’t even be able to hold a conversation. I’m so nervous already :( I haven’t had dinner with family in more than five years, and I’ve never met the family of somebody I’m dating before. I’m going to screw it up, I just know it.

 **DEAN:** You know that’s impossible, right? Even if you’re a total spazz and make a complete idiot out of yourself in front of everybody else, I’m still gonna like you anyway.

 **CASTIEL:** You say that now. But wait until I spill my food all over myself and trip over my own feet. You’ll be embarrassed to be seen with me.

 **DEAN:** You really have no idea how crazy I am about you if you think that kinda stuff would make me stop liking you. I’d just think you’re an adorable klutz.

 **CASTIEL:** I’m kind of crazy about you, too :)

 **DEAN:** Good :) Seriously try not to stress about tomorrow. I promise everybody’s gonna be nice to you no matter what, and it isn’t like we’re fancy people or anything. Very, very casual.

 **CASTIEL:** How did it go when you brought other guys home?

 **DEAN:** I told you, I’ve never been serious about anybody before. You comin’ tomorrow is a first for me.

 **CASTIEL:** Really?

 **DEAN:** Yup :)

 **CASTIEL:** Does that mean you’re serious about me? :P

 **DEAN:** As serious as I’m allowed to be without being creepy or weird for only knowing you less than a week lol

 **CASTIEL:** I accept that level of seriousness ;) What do you have planned for the rest of the day? Are you coming over after Claire’s in bed for a Battleship rematch?

 **DEAN:** I might be able to make it. Charlie’s coming over for dinner and to hang out, but if she leaves early enough I’ll come over for sure.

 **CASTIEL:** Charlie’s that woman with the red hair I thought you were dating, right?

 **DEAN:** Hahaha yeah, that’s her. Thanks for reminding me to tell her that. She’ll get a kick out of it.

 **CASTIEL:** And you said she’s gay?

 **DEAN:** Super, super gay. You don’t have to worry about her, or about me. I promise :)

 **CASTIEL:** I’m sorry for automatically thinking that way :(

 **DEAN:** Don’t be. If I was you, I’d probably have the same questions.

 **CASTIEL:** I appreciate you being so understanding. I really like you and I don’t want my insecurities to come between us.

 **DEAN:** I want you to trust me, but we don’t know each other well yet. So I get why you don’t. We’ve got time :)

 **CASTIEL:** I have to finish folding the laundry before Claire wakes up. Text me when you’re free tonight?

 **DEAN:** Sounds like a plan. Don’t worry, okay? I’m sure I’ll be talking about you all night ;)

 **CASTIEL:** :)

 

It turns out Dean’s prediction is true. When Charlie shows up with dinner, they dig in and Dean catches her up on everything that’s happened over the last week, starting with how Claire woke him up Monday at three in the morning right up to their first kiss last night and how his mom invited him to family dinner tomorrow.

“Damn. If I didn’t already have plans I’d be begging for an invite, too,” Charlie says with a mouthful of egg roll. “I can’t be the only one who hasn’t met him!”

“Jo and Ellen haven’t met him. Sam hasn’t met him yet either,” he reminds her.

“But Jo saw him, and Sam will meet him tomorrow! And he got a glimpse of Claire! I don’t know anything and I’m supposed to be your best friend!”

“Okay, okay, hang on,” Dean says, pulling his phone out. He brings up the selfie Cas sent him and passes the phone to Charlie. “He’s about ten times cuter when he’s smiling. Especially when he gets that big smile on his face and his nose crinkles and you can see some of his gums above his teeth...” He stops when Charlie looks up from the phone in her hand with a huge smile on her face. “What?” he asks defensively.

“Nothing,” she says. “Don’t let my obvious state of awe stop your impression of a smitten kitten.”

“Oh shut up,” Dean replies.

“You got any pictures of the kid?”

“Tons. Open up my camera roll,” he says.

“If I see anything I don’t ever wanna see...”

“Please,” Dean scoffs.

“Oh. Em. Gee. She’s totally adorbs!”

“Right!?” Dean agrees. “She’s the sweetest little kid, Charlie, I swear. She sounds like a banshee when she cries but it’s totally worth it when you get her to laugh so hard she can’t catch her breath. And! She has a speech delay, isn’t saying as many words as she should be, but the first time I met her -”

“She said Dee for Dean. And ball. And up. I know. You told me,” Charlie says with a big grin on her face.

Shit. He did tell her that once already... at least... didn’t he? He slumps back on the couch. “I’m so fucked.”

“Yep! I totally agree. I can’t wait to tell stories about this at your big gay wedding,” she laughs.

“Ha ha,” Dean says sarcastically.

“I’m officially calling it. Cas is your lobster.”

He laughs at the _Friends_  reference. “So as long as we don’t go on a break we’ll be fine, then?”

“Hopefully without all that drama. We couldn’t be friends if you were as whiny as Ross,” Charlie responds.

“Nah, that’s Sam’s gig more than mine.” He puts his now empty carton of Chinese food down on the coffee table in front of him and slumps back on the couch, holding his stomach. “This is the first whole meal I’ve managed to eat since Thursday.”

“My poor wittle Dean. I’m surprised you’re not wasting away,” Charlie says.

“Thankfully I’ve got all these nerds in my life who keep feeding me.”

“It’s the lips,” Charlie tells him. “You look pouty on a good day, so the idea of a sad Dean Winchester is more than we can take.”

“The lips, huh?” Dean thinks, amused. “Can’t tell Cas you said that to me, he’ll think you’re hitting on me.”

“You’re _almost_ pretty enough to turn me, but not quite,” Charlie laughs. “So what can I do around here to help you that you were too stubborn to tell anybody else you need help with?” she asks, suddenly turning her head to look around the apartment. “Not dishes, because dishwasher. Not food, because boyfriend and mom.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Dean interjects.

She snorts. “Semantics. Oh, I know! Laundry! Where’s your laundry?”

“I did it already,” Dean says.

“Uh huh,” she nods. “Where’s the clean stuff you couldn’t fold?”

Dean sighs. “In the basket in my room.”

She’s up on her feet and back with the basket in her hands in no time.

“There’s literally nobody else I’d let handle my boxers,” Dean says honestly.

“Bestie privilege,” she smiles. “If there’s any spunk on any of these though, I swear to god...”

Dean laughs. “They’re clean. And I’m not a kid anymore.”

“No, but you’re newly dating somebody. I bet the sexual tension’s had you popping boners like a teenager with a Victoria’s Secret magazine.”

“No comment,” Dean replies dryly and Charlie laughs.

“Ha! Do I know you or what?”

“Maybe a little too well if you’re talkin’ about my dick like it’s a close, personal friend,” Dean realizes.

“It’s always like that at the beginning though, isn’t it? All hot and steamy. Wondering if you’re allowed to touch, what it’ll feel like, how good it might be. Man, it’s the best.”

“He already blew me outta the water with that damn kiss,” Dean remembers aloud. “Never been kissed like that in my fuckin’ life. He was so hot, Charlie. All demanding and pushy. He took control and had me just... giving in, you know? And _fuck_ it was hot _._ I’ve never been like that before with anybody.”

“Jeez, Winchester. You’re gettin’ me all hot and bothered just listening to you,” she teases. “You still think you’re strictly a top?”

“Anything’s possible,” he says, grinning shyly.

“Holy shit. I am so down for deets when this happens,” she says, bouncing her eyebrows.

“I’ve never really been with somebody long enough to really trust them to take care a me like that, you know?”

“But after less than a week with Cas you’re already thinking about it? Man, I have got to meet this guy!” She holds up a pair of his boxers. “Batman?”

“Batman is cool,” he says, unashamed.

“I’m totally wearing Wonder Woman right now!” she says, high fiving him.

A few hours later, Dean’s laundry is folded, two batches of brownies are made, and Charlie has asked for what feels like the hundredth time when she can meet Cas.

“You know what? I’ll text him and see what he’s doing, okay?”

She bounces up and down on the couch like she just won the lottery.

 

 **DEAN:** Hey. This is kind of weird, but Charlie’s kinda driving me crazy wanting to meet you. Do you mind if we come infiltrate your place for a little while? Will pay for your time with brownies still fresh from the oven :)

 **CASTIEL:** How could I possibly say no to that? Come on over!

 

“Let’s go, tomato head, you’re in,” Dean tells her, grinning.

“Eeee I’m so excited!” Charlie squeals, clasping her hands together.

Dean goes into the kitchen to grab a couple brownies and throws them on a plate. “Don’t scare him off. I like this one,” he warns her.

“I’ll be on my best behavior,” she promises. Somehow, it doesn't help ease any of his nerves.

They walk the short distance to Castiel’s and Dean knocks on the door. He’s expecting a shout to come in like the last few times, but instead Castiel comes to the door. Charlie must warrant a special greeting, Dean muses.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean grins. Will he ever get used to those stupidly blue eyes of his?

“Hello, Dean,” he answers, turning to offer a warm smile at Charlie. “Please, come in.”

They walk through the door and Dean reaches out to place a hand on Castiel’s back.

“Uh, Charlie, this is Castiel. Cas, this is Charlie,” Dean says somewhat awkwardly.

“Nice to meet you, Charlie,” Castiel says solemnly.

“Samesies,” she replies, which makes Dean grin. “I had no idea you existed until six o’clock, but _man_ have I heard a lot about you since then!”

“Here we go,” Dean grumbles under his breath.

She waves him away with a, “Pfft. Like he doesn’t already know you’re gone on him. You might as well have little hearts in your eyes.”

“I think I like her,” Castiel says to Dean.

“At least one of us does,” he says, side eyeing Charlie hard.

“Shall we take a seat?” Castiel asks them. “I can take those from you.”

“Surprised you resisted this long,” Dean teases, handing them over.

“I’m getting good at resisting temptation,” Castiel says with a smirk before he leads the way to the couch. Dean exchanges a look with Charlie and sees her eyes light up with glee.

“You are so much better looking in person than in that picture you sent Dean,” Charlie says out of nowhere.

Castiel looks at Dean in surprise, who sits between him and Charlie, and then looks past him at Charlie again. “Hmm. Is thank you the appropriate response here?”

“Dude! You were decent looking in the pic, obviously. But you’re downright dreamy in person!”

“Charlie, come on,” Dean says, laughing a little bit at her straightforward nature. He finds Castiel’s hand on the cushion beside him and links their fingers together. “Best behavior, remember?”

“What!? Everybody likes to hear that they’re good looking. And if _I_ notice a dude’s studly, you know he’s top shelf material.”

“I can’t argue with you there,” Dean agrees.

“I don’t know what it is. The blue eyes, the pink lips. The five o’clock shadow. The sex hair,” she says, nodding as she lists each thing.

“Sex hair?” Castiel finally comments, obviously taken off guard.

“You totally look like you just had your face fucked,” Charlie explains. Dean tries to swallow his laughter and looks over to see Castiel’s mouth hanging open comically and Charlie continues, “In a good way!”

“Okay, I think that’s enough of embarrassing him right off the bat,” Dean protests on Castiel’s behalf. He turns to Cas again and says, “I like your hair by the way. It’s hot.”

“My hair’s hot?” Castiel repeats. Dean nods. “Because it looks like I just blew somebody?”

Dean presses his lips together in a futile attempt to hide his grin and squeezes Castiel’s hand in a gesture of comfort. “Remember how I wouldn’t tell you the first thing I thought of when I came over at three in the morning because Claire was there?”

“Grrrreat,” Castiel says dryly.

“I’m tellin’ you, you look good, Cas,” Dean tries to reassure him. It doesn’t seem to work though, so he gives Charlie a prodding look to try and turn this around.

“Okay, listen. Wanna hear more about how adorable Dean was gushing about you all night?” Charlie offers.

“That would be a welcome change of subject, yes,” Castiel agrees.

“How about we don’t,” Dean tries.

“You know, this is the first time in the six years that I’ve known Dean that he’s said anything about a guy without me prying first, and _definitely_ the first time it was all good stuff,” Charlie divulges.

“Really? What did he say?” Castiel asks.

“I hate both of you,” Dean says, resigned to the fact that this is happening.

“Well, he told me about that kiss last night. Sounds like it was a doozy. You even tapped into his ridiculously repressed submissive side,” she says with a wink.

“ _Charlie_!” Dean says tersely, shoving her with his bad hand.

“What!?” she asks innocently. “Not like he wasn’t gonna figure it out sooner or later!”

“Fuck my life,” Dean grumbles.

“Here, have a brownie,” Castiel offers, reaching for the tray to hold it out to Dean while laughing a little.

“Might as well stuff my face in shame,” Dean says, taking one in his bad hand (it’d be easier with his good hand but he doesn’t wanna let go of Cas) and biting into it.

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to bottom, Dean! We’ve talked about this,” Charlie reminds him.

Dean feels his entire body flood with a mixture of shame and embarrassment. He glares at her and swallows down his bite of brownie. “You are one sentence away from me sending a shitload of embarrassing texts to Jo,” he warns her.

“You wouldn’t!” Charlie gasps.

“Try me,” Dean threatens.

“Well way to just ruin all the fun,” Charlie pouts.

“Charlie likes Jo?” Castiel asks.

“Dammit Dean!” Charlie hisses.

“What!? Not like he wasn’t gonna figure it out sooner or later!” Dean says, mocking her tone.

“I hate you so much right now,” Charlie says.

“You two sound more like siblings than best friends,” Castiel comments, sounding pleased.

“Yeah, she’s the _other_ sister I never knew I wanted ‘til she clung on for dear life,” Dean says.

“Best thing that ever happened to you,” Charlie insists.

“Won’t argue that, even if I do kinda want to kill you right now,” Dean agrees, nudging her a little.

“I can see now that I really had nothing to worry about with the two of you,” Castiel says with a smile.

“Even Dean’s not _that_ pretty,” Charlie replies begrudgingly.

“I don’t know about that. Even with chocolate icing on his face,” Castiel says, reaching up to wipe some off of the corner of his mouth, “he’s still remarkably handsome.” Castiel’s pink tongue darts out to lick the icing off of his finger, and Dean’s eyes zero in on it. Castiel notices him looking and licks his finger lavishly once more - intentionally, as far as Dean can tell - causing his mouth to go completely dry. He tries to cover it by taking another bite of brownie.

“Man, you can cut the sexual tension between you two with a knife!” Charlie exclaims.

Dean closes his eyes and takes a deep breath through his nose. “Why did I ever think this was a good idea?”

“You didn’t! But you knew I was gonna keep bugging you ‘til you said yes,” Charlie reminds him.

“Oh yeah. That’s why. Sorry ‘bout this, Cas.”

“Now that she’s embarrassing you instead of me, I don’t mind so much,” Castiel teases.

“Just gonna throw me under the bus, huh?” Dean asks.

“She’s your friend. It’s only fair,” Castiel defends.

“Hey wait a minute! We’re not friends?” Charlie asks Cas.

“Um...” Castiel looks at Dean for guidance and Dean smiles evilly.

“Here comes the bus, Cas,” Dean whispers, and Castiel squeezes his hand rather painfully, making Dean wince but laugh.

“Would you like to be friends?” Castiel asks Charlie.

“Duh! The bff and the bf have to be friends or all hell breaks loose.”

“I am not familiar with those terms,” Castiel says awkwardly.

“Bff. Best friend forever. Bf. Boyfriend,” Charlie explains.

Dean winces again and takes a big bite of brownie. Hopefully Cas doesn’t scare easily.

“Oh. Um. Well. I suppose we have no choice then. We have to be friends... or... all hell breaks loose,” he repeats carefully.

“Okay, yay!” Charlie says, clapping her hands together. “So, friend stuff! What Hogwarts house are you in?”

“Gryffindor,” Castiel answers, smiling genuinely now. Dean feels himself relax slightly.

“Self chosen or Pottermore?” she asks.

“Both,” Castiel replies.

“Hot dog! Dean’s Gryffindor, too! I’m a Ravenclaw,” she divulges.

“Obviously,” Castiel agrees.

“Right?” Charlie says excitedly. She leans back into the couch and tucks her legs under her. “So what’s it like being a librarian?” Dean feels himself relax further. This is good, normal conversation. “You ever do it in the book stacks?” Charlie continues.

“Jesus,” Dean huffs. He’s gotten so used to her over the years that he forgot how overwhelming she is at first.

“No,” Castiel answers, laughing. “Do people do that?”

“Mmm. There’s just something about being half naked with a hot girl between your legs and the smell of old books all around you...” Charlie answers, staring off into space.

Dean leans his head back on the couch and stares at the ceiling. This was a terrible, terrible idea.

“I’ll have to take your word for it,” Castiel responds, seemingly amused by her. Which is good.

“What library do you work at, by the way?”

“The one on McIntyre,” Castiel answers.

“Okay, no, didn’t do it there,” Charlie discloses. “Dean totally has an exhibionist kink though. He’d definitely help you out with the sex in the stacks thing if you’re into that.”

Dean can feel his face burning and is already beginning to plot his revenge.

“This has been extremely educational,” Castiel says to Dean quietly, swooping in to kiss him on the cheek. “Does Dean talk to you about that kind of thing often?” he then says to Charlie.

“Nah. Him talking about that kiss last night was the first time he’s ever really spilled like that. I just hack into his laptop to check his porn history for fun.”

“What the actual fuck, Charlie! You said you wouldn’t do that anymore!” Dean reminds her.

“Hacked. Not hack. _Hacked_. Totally past tense,” she corrects herself, but her shifty eyes are enough for Dean to know she’s lying. “What internet provider do you use, by the way, Cas?”

“DO NOT ANSWER THAT!” Dean says quickly and Charlie deflates while Castiel snorts.

“I think I had that figured that out on my own, but I appreciate your protective nature,” Castiel laughs.

“OMG!” Charlie says slowly. “I just realized something.”

“Brace yourself,” Dean says to Cas under his breath and he hears Castiel exhale a huff of laughter beside him.

“You hurt your _right_ hand,” Charlie says.

“So?” Dean asks.

“So! How’re you gonna tickle the pickle with your _left_ hand?”

Dean opens his mouth to respond and then stops. Damn. She’s right. There’s just no way that’s gonna happen. He’s sure as fuck gonna try, but _shit_.

“Well that’s fucking depressing,” he mutters, and then he feels Castiel lower his head to rest on his shoulder, his body shaking with silent laughter. “Laugh it up, jerk wad,” Dean says lightly to Cas.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel gasps. “As a man who hasn’t had sex in a very long time, I can understand your distress perfectly.”

“He says while laughing at me,” Dean says to Charlie.

“It’s really not funny,” Castiel insists, but Dean can still hear the laughter in his voice.

“With all the sexual tension between you two, Dean’s gonna be one hell of a Grouchy Gus,” Charlie comments. “How long is the splint on for?”

“Four weeks,” Dean grumbles.

“I’m sure we can work something out by then,” Castiel whispers directly into his ear.

A shiver moves through him and he swallows thickly before he turns to meet Castiel’s eyes. His face is somewhat flushed and he has his bottom lip between his teeth. Dean’s noticed he does that when he’s nervous. It’s adorable as hell and hot as fuck at the same time.

“Look away Charlie,” Dean warns her.

Then he turns towards Cas and leans in to press his lips against his. Castiel’s hand comes up to rest on the back of his neck to hold him in place and their lips part for each other, Castiel tilting his head further to the side to grant Dean’s tongue better access. Dean loses himself in the way Castiel’s tongue moves skillfully against his, and a low sound escapes him when he feels Castiel suck the tip of his tongue. Dean’s hand, which had been stuck between their thighs on the couch, now moves to Castiel’s knee and slides upwards slowly without him fully thinking about what he’s doing.

This time it’s Castiel who makes a needy little sound in his mouth and Dean’s hit with the sudden urgency to pull every possible sound of pleasure from his perfectly plush lips. He kisses him harder, more passionately, feeling Castiel turning more and more pliant beneath his lips with every thrust of his tongue when he hears, “Hot damn!” come from Charlie beside him.

It feels like somebody just threw a bucket of cold water on him.

He and Castiel break away from each other with a wet pop and Dean realizes he’s actually fucking panting. Apparently he had a leg up like he was about to climb on top of Cas, and he rearranges himself quickly. His entire body feels like it’s thrumming with the need to keep going. He tries to shove it down.

“Sorry,” Dean says breathlessly. He doesn’t know who he’s apologizing to, Cas or Charlie, but he feels like it needs to be said anyway. Steadying his breathing, he tries to think about unsexy things, but he can still feel the hot line of body heat pressed against his side from Castiel, and he realizes belatedly his hand is definitely higher on Cas’s thigh than is socially acceptable in front of his best friend.

He snatches it away like he was just caught with his hand in the cookie jar and feels his face turn impossibly redder.

“Uhm,” Dean says stupidly, trying to make his brain think about anything other than kissing Cas again. And again. And maybe really getting his leg up this time and straddling him right there on the couch and grinding down onto his lap until...

“Bet you wish you had that right hand working now,” Charlie quips.

“So not helping,” Dean says.

“Ha! Look! You kinda mushed your brownie,” Charlie points out, clearly amused.

Dean looks down and realizes she’s right. The last bite that was left of his brownie is squished between his thumb and index finger.

“Fuck,” Dean curses.

“Come on, I’ll help you wash it off so you don’t get your splint wet,” Castiel offers.

“If you’re not back in five minutes I’m coming to find you, and I’m taking a video this time,” Charlie warns them.

Dean follows Castiel silently to the bathroom. Castiel turns on the water, checks the temperature, and then carefully lowers Dean’s hands under the running tap. Without saying anything, he gets some hand soap and gently but thoroughly cleans off his fingers and then dries them on a hand towel.

Their eyes catch again while Cas is drying his own hands and Dean swallows again.

“I uh, didn’t mean to make out with you in front of Charlie,” he says lamely.

“I didn’t mean to make out with you in front of Charlie either,” Castiel responds.

“There’s just something about you, Cas. You drive me fuckin’ crazy, in a really good way, but shit. I just lose it when I’m touchin’ you and it scares the hell outta me,” he admits.

“It scares you? Why?” Castiel asks, the skin between his eyebrows scrunching adorably.

“I don’t want this thing between us to go all wrong just because I can’t keep my hands off of you,” he tries to explain.

“It won’t,” Castiel promises. “I’m fairly certain you have the same effect on me I seem to have on you, but I’m also very aware of your injuries. No strenuous activity,” Castiel reminds him, smiling. “And I can guarantee it will be strenuous,” he promises, a hint of heat in his eyes now that makes Dean’s pulse race again. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, either, but if you can’t pleasure yourself with your left hand, how exactly do you think you’re going to ‘put your hands on me’ as you said?”

“Huh. Didn’t really think of that. But I mean, I’m definitely down with you doing all the work and me just laying back to enjoy the ride,” he teases.

Castiel snorts. “You’re such a kind, selfless man, Dean Winchester,” he says in a sickenly sweet voice, looping his arms around his neck with a sappy smile on his face.

Dean grins and leans in to kiss him again, just lightly this time. He loves how easily they can tease each other. He rests their foreheads together and his chest fills with warmth. “What am I gonna do with you, Cas?”

“We’ll figure it out,” Castiel assures him, kissing him once more.

“Let’s go see what Charlie managed to get into in the last four minutes,” Dean says.

“I can only imagine,” Castiel responds.

“She’s okay, right, Cas?” Dean asks quietly.

“I can see she means a great deal to you and you obviously know each other well. I think she’s funny, if perhaps a little too forthcoming with personal information, but I could always use another friend. Especially one who knows so many embarrassing things about the guy I’m dating,” Castiel answers with mischief in his eyes.

Dean rolls his eyes dramatically and tugs Castiel by the hand back into the living room.

“Clean now, or just more dirty?” Charlie asks with a big grin on her face.

“Clean, thank you very much,” Dean answers.

He and Cas sit back on the couch, and he smiles when Cas pulls him over to lean against him and wraps his arm around his shoulders.

“You two are adorable together, bee tee dubs,” Charlie tells them. “Ooooh can I take your picture?”

“What? Why?” Dean asks.

“Did you not just hear me? ADORABLE,” she repeats loudly.

“I would like that,” Castiel answers her, and it’s not like Dean’s gonna say no to him.

Charlie already had her phone in her hand but she stands to get a good angle and tells them both to smile, which they do.

“Kiss him on the cheek, Dean,” Charlie tries.

“Screw off, I’m not being lame like that,” Dean responds.

“I will be!” Castiel volunteers, and leans in to press a loud, smacking kiss to his cheek. Dean scrunches his face up and laughs, then tries to turn away when Cas doesn’t back off. Next thing he knows, the fucker sticks his tongue out and licks up the side of his face! “Gross!” Dean complains, but he’s smiling because Cas is laughing. He gets his good hand up to force Cas’s face away from him, but he still has his obscenely long tongue stuck out trying to reach him, and Dean absolutely cannot hold in his laughter anymore. He had no idea Cas had such a silly side to him!

“This is _gold_ ,” Charlie says, still snapping pictures.

“You freak!” Dean says, finally shoving Cas off of him. “What happened to nothing strenuous and being aware of my injuries?”

“Your face isn’t injured,” Castiel counters, finally putting his tongue back in his mouth.

“Are you done being a weirdo now?” Dean asks, still holding a hand up in a defensive move.

“I believe so, yes,” Castiel answers, suddenly back to his serious self. Apparently, Charlie is a bad influence on him.

“Okay, so while you two were definitely not trading handies in the bathroom -” Castiel snorts beside him and Dean cannot believe this is his life right now “- I thought it’d be a good idea to give Cas a crash course in how to win over the Winchester family.”

“I am definitely interested in that,” Castiel says, sitting up straighter.

“They’re gonna love him, he doesn’t need any extra help,” Dean insists.

Charlie continues talking as if Dean hasn’t spoken at all. “First: Dean.”

“Here we go,” Dean mumbles, resigned to whatever Charlie is going to say about him.

“Looks like a lumberjack, eats like a teenager, acts like a child, but on the inside, he's actually a giant marshmallow begging for somebody to love him. He’s fiercely loyal, and feels every single emotion in its entirety. When he’s mad, he’s pissed. When he’s sad, he’s emo. When he’s happy - like he is with you - he’s giddy with it. Whoever he ends up giving his heart to is going to be the luckiest S.O.B. alive because I can guarantee you nobody will be more loved than the future husband of Dean Winchester.”

Dean closes his eyes to fight off the tears he suddenly feels clouding his vision. Not even Charlie knows how badly he wants somebody to love like that, and he isn’t about to start crying in front of her to tip her off.

Charlie isn’t done yet, though. “Not a single person of either sex has ever bothered to look past his chiseled cheekbones and luscious lips to see that he’s actually one of the only remaining men on the planet who is actually a _nice guy_. Everybody’s always left him, so that’s what he automatically expects every time he meets somebody new. He deflects often and insanely well, so if he’s brushing you off with jokes during what you think should be a serious conversation, it’s because he’s trying to hide his real feelings. You’ll have to push and he’ll get pissed, but it’ll be worth it if you want him to really open up to you. Oh!” she exclaims, snapping her fingers as if something just came to her. Dean braces himself for whatever it might be. “The second he manages to convince himself you’re not into him - which he _will_ do even if it isn’t true - he’s gonna run away with his tail between his legs like the little kicked puppy he is inside. You’ll have your work cut out for you if you get to a place where you want to convince him you’re actually gonna hang around.”

Dean hangs his head, his cheeks burning, knowing that every word she just said is true and that now Cas knows who he _really_ is, too. Cas presses a kiss to the side of his head and Dean wishes he could bury his face in his chest and pretend like none of this ever happened.

“And FYI, he likes you more after six days than he’s ever liked anybody in his life, and if you break his heart, I’m going to have to hire somebody to break your legs,” Charlie adds.

He feels Castiel stiffen beside him which makes Dean look back up at her with an annoyed look in his eyes.

“Hey. He’s got a baby. Don’t say shit like that, even if you’re joking,” Dean tells her. He feels Castiel’s thumb rub on the back of his hand and he hopes that means he isn’t mad.

“Now, Mary Winchester,” Charlie continues as if Dean didn’t say anything at all. “Literally the sweetest woman alive, as far as I’m concerned. Dean and her are almost exactly the same person personality-wise. Kind and loyal with an immature sense of humor. They love to bake, cook, and take care of the people they love, mostly by feeding them.” Castiel makes a humming sound beside him and Dean wonders if he’s thinking about how Dean baked him cookies and brought brownies tonight. “She loves her family - and her family isn’t only her blood family - with everything she is, and the only thing you have to do to win her over is show her how much you care about Dean. Look at him the way you do with those big blue eyes of yours and it should be a walk in the park,” Charlie says with a wink.

“Sam Winchester always has been and always will be Dean’s best friend. People think Sam got all the brains in the family because he’s an Einstein-level brainiac, but Dean secretly hates when anybody says that because it imples he’s stupid when he’s far from it. Sam and Dean would give their lives for each other without a moment’s hesitation and have a long history of doing stupid shit for one another that pisses off their mom, and now Jess, too. If you hang around you’ll be the third member of that club, so get your welcome hat ready. To impress Sam, all you have to do is be able to hold an intelligent conversation, be kind to Dean and to his family, and if you know anything about health or science, that’s a bonus.”

She takes a deep breath and continues, “Jess is one of the only people I’ve ever seen who’s willing and able to put Dean in his place. She’s tough, but fair, and Dean loves her like she’s his sister and not just a sister-in-law. They flirt with each other to drive Sam crazy, but there’s nothing really there, so don’t be jealous. It’s a game between them. Jess loves wine, her family, romance novels, trashy reality TV shows, and chick flicks - which is why her and Dean get along so well.” Dean cringes as all of his most embarrassing “likes” are exposed. “All Jess wants is for Dean to get married and be as stupidly happy as her and Sam are. They’re high school sweethearts and have never even held hands with anybody but each other. As far as she’s concerned, Dean won’t be happy until he’s in love with a couple of kids and a minivan - which is actually exactly what Dean’s always secretly wanted and will never admit to out loud, so points to her for that one. She’s gonna take one look at you, Dean, and Claire together and start planning the wedding - and so is Mary, FYI - so brace yourself for that and try to remember Dean isn’t his family. To get Jess to be on Team Castiel, just like Sam, like Bentley, and be willing to have more babies so Bentley can have cousins, and you’re set.”

“No pressure, then,” Castiel comments for the first time. He squeezes Dean’s hand though, so Dean knows he’s only half joking.

“Right!? Easy! Jo, though? Well, Jo is Dean’s attack dog. She had a major crush on him when they were teengers -”

Dean interrupts, “She did not! How many times do I have to tell you that!?”

“ - and is still a little miffed that Dean never looked at her like that, especially back when she thought he was boinking the whole city. She knows he likes The Big D more than vajayjay now though, so she’s mostly over it. As long as you can manage to convince her you’re not going to hurt Dean in any way, she’ll be nice to you. Well, in front of Dean anyway, because she knows how loyal he is and that he’ll call her out if she isn’t. But if Dean’s not around, you’ll get attack dog Jo, so try not to be alone with her if you can’t handle her bark.”

“What about you?” Castiel asks.

“Oh, I got this one,” Dean says, sitting up straighter. “Charlie is the first person outside of the family I grew up with to become a member of my family. She lost her parents in an accident a while ago and that’s how we got so close. She pushed her way into my family because as much as she likes to act like she’s tough and independent, she’s just as soft as I am. She _needed_ me and my family to ground her. We did, we always will, and she ain’t ever going anywhere without us. She has no filter, says whatever she’s thinking no matter what it is, and will make you more uncomfortable than anybody who’s five foot nothin’ has a right to. But the plus side of that is that she’ll never lie to you, you never have to guess what she’s thinking, and she’s the first one to tell you when you’re bein’ an asshole. That works out well for me because I can be an asshole a lot without even knowing it, but I’ve been getting better since she came along. She’s a computer whiz and even though she won’t confirm or deny, I’m pretty sure she works for the government and makes a shit ton of money. The great thing about Charlie as my best friend is you don’t have to do anything to get her to like you. She likes everybody right away, and only _doesn’t_ like somebody if they’re a homophobe, racist, anti-feminist, Pro-Trump, or thinks Professor Snape was a hero when he was actually a dick even if he did love Lily Potter.”

“Accurate description of me. Ten points to Gryffindor,” Charlie says with a nod.

Castiel lets out a long sigh and runs his free hand through his hair. “That’s a lot of information to take in all at once,” he comments.

Charlie claps her hands together. “And with that, I will take my leave.”

“You’re gonna drop all that like a bomb and then bail?” Dean balks.

“Sure am!” Charlie answers, getting to her feet. “Castiel, thanks for letting me come over and get a glimpse at my bestie all doe-eyed on somebody for the first time. I think I have sufficient blackmail material in photo form now, so I appreciate that too.” Castiel goes to get up, but Charlie holds up a hand to stop him. “Don’t get up on my account. You and my bff are awfully cozy there and I don’t want to be a cock block,” she says with a smile. “Dean, I’ll send you some of those pictures when I get home. Let me know when you need me to fold more of your laundry.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he answers.

“It was a pleasure meeting you, Charlie,” Castiel offers.

“I have a feeling you aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, so I’m sure I’ll see you around. See you guys later,” Charlie says. She throws them a peace sign before she takes off through the door.

“Why does it feel like a small tornado just blew through my apartment?” Castiel asks Dean.

Dean finally gives into his earlier desire, slouches down, and turns so that he can rest his face on Castiel’s chest.

“Do you want to go lie down?” Castiel asks.

“Mmmm,” Dean comments. “I do, but I don’t know if either of us are gonna be able to get me to leave, and I shouldn’t be here in the morning.”

“You raise an excellent point,” Castiel agrees, sounding unhappy about it. “Sit up for a second.” Castiel shimmies down so that he’s laying down and Dean positions himself so that he’s laying in his arms the same way Cas was laying on him last night. “How’s that?”

“Perfect,” Dean responds, happy and warm all wrapped up in Cas. Castiel doesn’t say anything so Dean waits him out. He probably has a lot to think about after everything Charlie told him. Finally, Dean can’t take it anymore and asks, “So, you’re probably second-guessing the whole dating thing after Charlie gave you a crash course in Dean Winchester, right?”

“Second-guessing it? Not at all,” Castiel responds. Dean wonders if Cas can feel the way his body relaxes hearing him say that. “If anything, I feel like I have the upperhand between us now that I know so many of your personality quirks, if what Charlie said is to be trusted.”

“Don’t really like to talk about myself the way she did, you know. Admit the things I’m afraid of and what I really want from somebody out loud or whatever. That shit’s hard. But I told you she doesn’t lie, and other than Sam, she probably knows me better than anybody. Even better than Sam, actually, if you take into account all the shit she snoops and finds on my laptop,” Dean realizes.

“The only thing she said that gave me a moment’s pause was hearing that you automatically think everybody’s going to leave you. Do you truly believe that?” Castiel asks.

Dean shrugs. Didn’t he just say how hard this was for him to talk about? “Nobody ever stayed before.”

“It only has to happen once,” Castiel says softly.

Dean closes his eyes and allows himself a second to bask in the feeling of hope spreading through his insides before he answers Cas. “Yeah. Once would be good.”

“I’m... very glad you’re here, Dean,” Castiel comments.

He gets the feeling those simple words mean more than what Cas just said.

“I’m real glad Claire woke me up Sunday night,” he answers, hoping Castiel can hear what he really means, too. _I’m glad I met you. I’m glad I have this._

Castiel kisses the top of his head. “Best ear infection ever.”

Dean smiles to himself at the absurdity of that statement. His eyes fall on the clock on the wall.

“It’s after ten. Should I take off?” Dean asks him.

“Just stay like this for a little while,” Castiel replies quickly.

“Okay,” Dean sighs. He’s comfortable. He’s with Cas. He’s happy.

Castiel scoots his body down further on the couch so that Dean’s head ends up right on his shoulder instead of on his chest. Dean rearranges himself so that he’s mostly on his left side, his injured hand resting on Castiel’s bicep with his nose pressed against Cas’s neck. Cas’s hand is wrapped around his back and is helping him stay on the couch which is _just_ too small for the two of them to lie on their sides like they are.

Neither of them care about that, though.

“This is a terrible idea,” Dean warns him a few minutes after his eyes start drifting closed.

“Just a little bit longer,” Castiel urges him.

“Kay,” Dean agrees sleepily.

A little bit longer turns out to be one o’clock in the morning, and he wakes up to the sound of Claire crying.

Castiel reacts instantly, sitting up and almost knocking Dean right onto the floor before he reaches out with a hand and steadies him. They untangle themselves and Cas hurries in to check on Claire. Dean follows and hovers outside her bedroom, knowing he shouldn’t go in but fighting the urge to do it anyway.

“Bad dream, sweetie?” Castiel asks her. She seems to have stopped crying as soon as Cas picked her up, which is helping Dean stay in the hallway where he belongs. “It’s okay, baby. Daddy’s here. Nothing bad is ever going to happen to you ever again,” Castiel promises, sounding almost unbearably sad.

Dean clenches his hands into fists at his sides, trying to make his feet stay planted. Cas doesn’t need him right now, no matter how badly he wants to comfort them both. It’s quiet for a couple of seconds before Castiel starts humming. Dean closes his eyes, vaguely recognizing the tune even if it’s slightly off-key with Castiel’s low voice.

After a few bars he picks it up and he can hear the lyrics in his head.

 _Oh now feel it, comin' back again_  
_Like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind_  
_Forces pullin' from_  
_The center of the earth again_ _  
__I can feel it…_

 _Lightning Crashes_ by Live. Dean admires his taste; that’s a damn good song. His fingers itch to play it. Castiel hums the chorus again, seemingly getting quieter and quieter until he stops, and Dean can hear him start the music on Claire’s mobile before his footsteps approach him in the hall. Dean waits for him, and he closes Claire’s door gently before he takes Dean’s hand and they walk back out through the living room and to the door.

“I wish you could stay,” Castiel says quietly.

“Me too, but I get it. I’m glad I got to stay as long as I did.”

Castiel closes the distance between them and cups his face in his hands gently before he brushes their lips together soft and slow. He lingers for what feels like a long time, but neither of them deepen the kiss, just allowing it stay sweet and perfect how it started.

Finally, Castiel pulls away with a sigh.

Dean feels absolutely boneless and like he could melt right into the floor at any given moment.

“I hope you can get back to sleep okay,” Dean tells him. “Goodnight, Cas.”

“Goodnight, Dean. Sweet dreams.”

After brushing his teeth and using the bathroom back at his apartment, Dean falls asleep in his own bed with the scent of Castiel still clinging to his skin.


	8. Chapter 8

**CASTIEL:** Could you stop by my place to watch Claire for a moment so I can bring a load of stuff out to the car before we go?

Dean frowns at the message in confusion. Just how much stuff is Cas planning on bringing to his mom’s for dinner if he needs to make more than one trip with two adults carrying it?

 **DEAN:** Sure, five minutes?

 **CASTIEL:** That would be perfect. Thank you :)

Dean gives himself another once-over in the mirror. He’s wearing an old Pearl Jam t-shirt and a pair of black jeans that fit him like a glove. So he isn’t exactly dressed up, but he’s clean shaven (with a dab of cologne on that he hopes will drive Cas a little crazy) and compared to how he looked like a bum in his pajamas yesterday, he feels like a million bucks.

He checks his pocket for the painkiller he put there earlier, then grabs the container with the brownies in it and heads over to Cas’s.

He hears Cas tell him to come in once he knocks, so he opens the door to the most adorable sight: Claire wearing a black cotton dress with rainbow striped tights or leggings or something underneath, with a big bow stuck to her ponytail, and a pair of shiny black dress shoes on her feet.

“Look at the pretty girl!” he exclaims. “What a pretty dress, Claire. You are just too cute, aren’t you?”

“I’ll be right there,” Castiel calls out from the kitchen.

Claire squats down and points at her shoes, then looks back up at Dean. “Yes, pretty shoes, too,” Dean agrees. “Miss Mary’s going to think you’re the prettiest girl in the whole world. Oh yes she is!”

Claire walks over to Dean and says, “Uh! Dee uh!”

“Claire wants up?” Dean repeats. “Just one second, okay? Dean has his owie, remember?” he says, pointing to his finger.

Castiel comes out of the kitchen with a bouquet of flowers in his arms and a diaper bag much bigger than the little Elmo backpack Dean’s used to thrown over his shoulder. Dean notices Castiel is wearing khakis (which is the first time he’s seen him in anything other than jeans) and a deep blue checkered button-down shirt. It looks like he attempted to tame his hair and he wonders idly if that has something to do with the sex hair comment from yesterday, but it’s still sticking up adorably so he doesn’t mention it.

“Hey! You look nice,” Dean tells him. “ _Really_ nice. I told you it’s just super casual.”

“Am I overdressed?” Castiel asks with panic in his eyes.

“No! No, not at all. You’re fine. I just look like a slob next to you,” Dean says with a wink, trying to make him relax.

“I think you look very attractive,” Castiel disagrees. “I like your shirt.”

“Knew you’d have good taste in music,” Dean grins.

“I’m going to take the flowers and Claire’s diaper bag down to the car, and then I’ll be back in just a minute for her little high chair and some toys.”

“Hang on a second,” Dean stops him. “My mom has toys and a high chair at her place already from Bentley.”

“Oh,” Castiel says, stopping. “Bentley won’t be using the high chair?”

“Not for a few years now, but Ma always kept it for whenever they have another kid. Now it’ll come in handy for Claire.”

Dean feels a tug on his jeans before Claire says, “Dee! Uh!” again. He pats her on the head, hoping she’ll wait another minute.

“Is that all there is, then?” Dean asks Cas.

Castiel looks around the room like he’s afraid he’s forgetting something before he says, “Yes, I believe so.”

“I think we got this in one trip, don’t you?” Castiel nods again. “Can I switch you to carry the brownies and I can carry the adorable monster hanging off of my legs?”

Castiel chuckles. “Sure.”

Dean places the brownies on the floor, and Castiel lays down the flowers before he picks Claire up and settles her into Dean’s arms. “I can probably hold the flowers if you want,” Dean offers after he gets Claire onto his hip.

“No, that’s alright. I’ve got it,” Castiel says.

Dean turns to check that he isn’t just being stubborn and agrees that he looks like he has everything under control. Castiel manages to get the door open after Dean tries and fails to open it with his splint on his fingers, and then they walk down to Cas’s car.

While Castiel puts everything else in the trunk, Dean buckles Claire into her car seat, which Claire seems to think is pretty funny. Castiel pokes his head in and asks him to move her chest clip up so that it’s level with her armpits, and then gets in behind the wheel while Dean fixes it.

“Sorry,” he says as he climbs into the passenger seat, embarrassed that he didn’t do it right. “I won’t do it wrong again,” he promises.

“That’s okay, most parents don’t have their children buckled in properly, and you don’t even _have_ children. I’m sure you won’t forget again now that you know,” Castiel says kindly.

“I won’t. Promise.”

“So where am I going?” Castiel asks.

“Oh! I forgot you didn’t know where my mom lives,” Dean laughs. “It’s on a back road off of Massey, so just head in that direction and then I’ll help you out once we get closer.” They sit in a comfortable silence for a little while before Dean asks, “How’re you feelin’? Nervous?”

“Extremely. Does it show?” he asks.

“Not at all. If it makes you feel any better, I’m kinda freakin’ out a little bit, too,” Dean confesses.

“Really? Why’s that?”

“You’re the first dude I ever brought home,” Dean reminds him.

“Yes, but… but it isn’t as if you’re bringing me there to formally introduce me as your boyfriend or something. I’m only going because your mom invited me, right?” Castiel asks, some panic and nerves beginning to show through.

“Oh. Well, I didn’t think we were boyfriend status quite yet, and I know it wasn’t me who invited you, but I mean… it’s not like I bring home every guy I date, you know? This feels… important,” Dean admits.

Castiel lets out a long exhale and his fingers grip the steering wheel a little bit tighter. “I did not realize that. And I’m extremely glad I went ahead and bought your mother flowers now.”

Dean grimaces. “Shit, Cas, I’m sorry. It doesn’t have to be like that if I’m freaking you out. I can just introduce you as my neighbor and friend and keep my hands to myself. My mom’s the only one who knows we’re even dating. I don’t have to tell anybody that part. No pressure, I swear,” Dean assures him.

“No,” Castiel says firmly. “I don’t want to be introduced as your neighbor or your friend. We’re more than that. You matter to me, and I don’t want to be invited into your mom’s home and meet your brother while hiding something from them. It’s alright. I just didn’t know, that’s all.”

Dean reaches over and lays his hand on Castiel’s knee. “I swear they’re gonna love you. And Claire is going to have mom and Jess clucking like a couple of hens when they see her all dressed up.”

“Kind of like how did when you walked in?” Castiel teases him.

“Hey! It’s not my fault you produced the most adorable kid in the history of the world and then put her in a cute dress with a matching hair bow! How’m I supposed to fight that, huh?”

“She is pretty cute,” Castiel grins.

“The two of you together is almost more than I can take. Both of you looking at me with those big blue eyes of yours just freakin’ _kills me_ ,” Dean confesses.

“I believe I feel similar about your freckles,” Castiel says.

“What!? My freckles, really? I was ready for the predictable comment about my lips or cheekbones, but my freckles?”

“I think they’re adorable,” Castiel reiterates. “And I hope you have more of them I haven’t seen yet.”

“Well shit. Now I’m blushing,” Dean says, chuckling at himself.

“Just in case you didn’t notice, you’ve already sworn twice since we’ve been in the car,” Castiel points out.

Dean winces. “I’m the worst.”

“And yet here I am, sweating bullets because I’m afraid I’m going to make a bad first impression with your family and screw this up.”

“Hm. Guess I can’t be _that_ bad then, huh?” Dean asks, smiling.

Dean steers Cas towards his mom’s house when they get closer, and Castiel pulls into the driveway since Sam and Jess have parked on the side of the road.

“Any last minute tips?” Castiel asks Dean once he turns off the engine.

“You don’t need any, I’m tellin’ you. But uh, maybe a quick kiss for luck since you snubbed me when I got to your place?” Dean asks, flashing a smile.

“Aw, I didn’t mean to. I was preoccupied,” Castiel explains. “Come here.”

Dean unbuckles his seat belt and they meet in the middle, their lips coming together in a sweet slide that immediately puts Dean at ease and has them both sinking into the kiss.

They only break apart after Claire makes a sound in the back seat.

“Sorry, I forgot not to do that in front of her,” Dean says to Cas, instantly feeling awful about his slip up.

Castiel looks back at Claire who is happily kicking her feet. “I don’t think she minds,” he says. “Honestly, Claire has no idea what kissing is or what it means at this age. It doesn’t bother me if you kiss me in front of her.”

“Oh,” Dean responds stupidly. “I dunno why I thought it was weird.”

“Good news is, you can kiss me more frequently now,” Castiel teases. Dean smiles at him, liking the sounds of that quite a bit. “You smell extra good, by the way.”

Dean grins. “You ready to go in there, then?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be. I’ll get Claire out and then help you carry some stuff in,” Castiel offers.

“If I wasn’t a gimp I’d be carrying everything myself,” Dean tells him.

“No you wouldn’t be. I’m not a damsel in distress that needs her man to do everything for her,” Castiel says, sounding amused.

“I know that. I just like taking care of people that matter to me,” Dean explains.

“Mmhmm, I remember that from Dean Winchester 101 now that you mention it.”

“Aw, see! I was doing so well at pretending none of that ever happened, and then you had to go and ruin it,” Dean says, gathering what he can from the trunk. He gets Claire’s diaper bag and slings it over his shoulder, grabs the brownies in his good hand, and passes the flowers to Cas awkwardly with his other hand. “Nice touch by the way. Except now you’re gonna have Jess on Sam’s ass about him never getting _her_ flowers.”

“And I can’t even throw you under the bus with him since you’ve been so good to me,” Castiel says, smiling. Then he turns to Claire and says, “Remember what we talked about. You need to be a good girl, okay?”

Dean snorts. “I remember getting those pep talks before I went places, too. She’ll be fine though. Come on.”

Dean reaches out to take Castiel’s hand and leads him towards his mom’s house. He’s more than kind of freaking out now that they’re about to walk in, and he hopes Cas doesn’t notice.

He doesn’t knock - he’s never knocked at his mom’s - he just walks in and calls out, “Ma! We’re here!”

“I’m definitely going to vomit,” Castiel says under his breath, and Dean turns to check on him, only to see he has a small smile on his face.

“You’re fine,” Dean promises. “Just think about my freckles.”

Castiel laughs and that’s when his mom comes to greet them.

“Hey guys! Hi Castiel, hi Claire! I’m so glad you guys could make it!” Mary says excitedly.

“Thank you again for the invitation. These are for you,” Castiel says, holding out the flowers.

Her jaw drops and her cheeks turn a little pink before she reaches out for them. “Castiel, you didn’t have to do that! You are such a sweetheart. I don’t even know the last time I got flowers. Thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure,” he responds. “Claire and I have never been to a family dinner before, so we wanted to make sure we make a good impression right from the start in case Claire’s manners don’t hold up to social standards.”

Dean sees his mom’s face fall when Cas mentions they’ve never had a family dinner but she hides it quickly. “You _have_ eaten a meal with this one, haven’t you?” Mary says, pointing to Dean. “We’re used to manners not holding up to social standards around here.”

“Hey!” Dean protests.

Castiel and Mary both laugh. Dean kicks off his shoes and Castiel follows suit and goes to reach for Claire’s shoes.

“Don’t you dare take those cute little shoes off of her feet!” Mary chastises him immediately. “They complete the outfit.”

“Alright,” Castiel answers shyly, nodding his consent.

“Are you ready for Sam and Jess to swoop down like seagulls at a picnic?” Mary asks.

“Well when you put it like that…” Castiel replies, and Dean laughs.

“Come in, Castiel. I promise they’ll take it easy on you.” Then she turns to Dean and adds, “...ish,” with a wink before she walks towards the living room.

“So far so good, right?” Dean asks Cas in a whisper, and Castiel nods.

“Dee!” Claire says.

“Yeah, buddy?”

She reaches her arms out for him.

“Dammit,” Castiel gripes, taking the brownies from him with one hand and handing Claire over to him with the other. “I was using her as my buffer and she bailed on me.”

“You don’t need a buffer, Cas. Man up,” Dean teases him, and he gets a poke in the back from Cas as he leads the way into the living room. He bounces Claire the whole way and they walk into the room with Claire giggling.

Bentley is on the floor in the corner with a line of cars set up, Jess and Sam are sitting on the couch with Mary beside them, and the love seat has obviously been left for him and Cas.

“Hey guys,” Dean greets them.

“UNCLE DEAN!” Bentley shouts, jumping up to his feet.

“Bentley! What did we tell you about loud noises?” Sam says sternly.

Bentley deflates. “Sorry, Uncle Dean. Is your head still hurted?” he asks.

“Hurt. And no, it’s okay right now, but your dad’s right. Loud noises make it worse so let’s try to keep the yelling down to only a little bit crazy today, okay?”

“Okay. Claire, do you want to play cars?” Bentley asks excitedly.

“Play cars?” Dean repeats to Claire.

Claire signs _yes_ and _please_ and wiggles down Dean’s body, so he bends to let her feet hit the ground and she runs her way over to Bentley’s side.

“Oh my gosh, her little outfit is to die for!” Jess exclaims. “Isn’t she adorable, hon? Look at her little tiny ponytail!”

“The bow’s a nice touch. I told you she was cute when I saw her at work, though,” Sam reminds her.

“You didn’t say she was THIS cute!” Jess argues. “Good baby making, Castiel,” she adds with a grin.

“Um. Thank you?” Castiel answers tentatively.

“Oh!” Dean says, suddenly realizing that he didn’t introduce him properly. “Cas, you probably remember Jess, and the giant moose on the couch is my little brother, Sam. Sammy, this is Castiel.”

Sam stands up to come to shake Castiel’s hand and says, “ _Younger_ brother. I haven’t been smaller than Dean since I was sixteen. Nice to meet you, man.”

“You as well, Sam. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Well, hopefully you know by now that Dean’s a dirty liar and not to believe a word he says,” Sam says easily as he sits down.

“Don’t listen to him!” Jess says as she gives Sam a little shove. “Dean doesn’t lie. Unless it’s about how much pie he’s eaten.”

“Alright, alright, let’s take it easy on making fun of me before the two of you get carried away, shall we? Let’s take a seat, Cas,” Dean says, steering him towards the couch with a hand on his back. He grabs the brownies from Cas and places them on the coffee table in front of them, then Dean puts the diaper bag on the floor tucked in next to the couch.

“Weird to see you come in here with a baby in your arms and a diaper bag over your shoulder,” Sam says.

Dean shrugs. “Just helping him carry shit.”

“Language,” Jess scolds him and Castiel chuckles. Dean shoots him a smile and covers Cas’s hand with his. Cas turns his hand over so their fingers twine together and Dean feels those butterflies inside of him again.

“What the hell! You got out of the friend zone and you didn’t tell me?” Jess asks, suddenly on the edge of her seat.

Dean rolls his eyes. “When we officially go steady I’ll put an ad in the paper,” he replies dryly.

“I knew you wanted to date him!” she says, grinning. Then she looks at Cas, “He tried to play it all cool and aloof but I knew when he asked me to keep putting him at the daycare in the morning and at pick up time that he was gone on you.”

Castiel smiles but looks down at his knees. “Um, well, I appreciate you fixing his schedule, then. Obviously it’s worked out pretty well for me so far.”

“So when you were at Cas’s place late on Thursday night…?” Sam asks, letting the question hang in the air with a big smile on his face.

“I was passed out on pain medication because I have a concussion,” Dean reminds him.

“Oh, right. How did I manage to forget about _that_? Hey, Castiel, is he following all of the doctor’s orders?” Sam asks.

Castiel looks taken aback to be asked this question at all, but nods. “To the best of my knowledge. Nothing cognitively strenuous, no strenuous physical activity, no television, no work, and lots of rest.”

“Wait,” Jess interrupts, her hand up. “How did you get him to actually listen to a doctor for once?”

“So he is as stubborn as he seems about this kind of thing, then?” Castiel asks.

“Oh, you have no idea,” Mary says, entering the living room to stand behind the couch. She ruffles Dean’s hair and Dean rolls his eyes again, but he doesn’t really mind.

“Alright, alright,” Dean tells them. “I’ve been good this time so how about we just move the conversation along, hm?”

“Do you need any help in the kitchen, Mrs. Winchester?” Castiel asks.

“Oh, no, sweetie. I’m sure it’s been some time since you sat down and had a meal prepared for you. I remember the early baby days well. And please, it’s Mary, okay?”

“Okay,” Castiel agrees. “If you do need a hand though, I’m happy to help. Dean told me he usually helps out, and since he’s a little indisposed, I’d be pleased to stand in for him.”

“Next time,” Mary tells him, and Dean tries not to smile so big at the implication that Cas isn’t going anywhere. “This time you’re just our guest.”

“What’re we havin’, ma?” Dean asks.

“I’ve got a massive chicken in the oven, roasted potatoes and carrots, and corn on the cob.”

“God I love you,” he says, tipping his head back so that he can see her upside down.

“The way to Dean’s heart is through his stomach,” his mom tells Cas with a little wink.

“I believe I discovered that when I added bacon to a macaroni and cheese casserole a few days ago and he asked me to marry him,” Castiel responds. Everybody laughs and Castiel looks completely surprised, but pleased.  

“Yep, that would do it,” Mary agrees.

“Dean, you’re the worst,” Sam laughs.

“Bacon in mac and cheese, Sammy. It’s not my fault you get your jollies from kale smoothies, you freak of nature,” he says.

“Oh believe me, that’s not how he gets his jollies, Dean,” Jess says, bouncing her eyebrows at him.

Dean recoils and Castiel snickers beside him.

“How does daddy get jolly, mom?” Bentley pipes up.

“Don’t worry about it, sweetie,” Jess answers while Dean tries to stifle his laughter. “I could literally call his name a dozen times when he’s watching TV and he doesn’t hear me, but _that_ he hears,” Jess continues under her breath.

“It’s like Claire when I open a bag of potato chips,” Castiel adds. “She can be out like a light and it’s as if _she knows_ I’m having something I don’t want to share and she wakes up to ruin the moment.”

“Let’s hope she doesn’t have ears that good for everything else,” Dean whispers into his ear, which makes Cas blush. He kisses him on the cheek and gives his hand a squeeze.

“Do you have something you’d like to share with the class, Dean?” Jess asks him.

“Nope, that’s why I whispered it,” he replies with a smile.

“You made him blush so I know it was dirty! Tell me!” Jess insists.

“That’s my cue to go back to the kitchen,” Mary says from behind them.

“You scared away my mom,” Dean tells her.

“Won’t be the last time,” she laughs.

“Da!” Claire says from across the room. She holds up a couple of Lego in her hands and signs _help_.

Castiel goes to get up but Jess is already there, insisting, “I got it. Are those stuck, sweetie? You need help?”

Claire looks at Jess, looks at Cas and Dean, then looks back at Jess again and signs _yes_ , somewhat tentatively. Dean can tell Cas is fighting his instincts to go help her, so he wraps an arm around him and tucks him in close to his body to keep him in place.

“Yes? Alright, let’s break ‘em open, then! Hand them over.” Claire places them in Jess’s hand and she breaks them apart. Jess holds them up, “Like this?”

Claire takes them back with a smile and goes back to snapping as many blocks as she can on top of one another.

“Thank you,” Castiel says to Jess. “Do you know baby sign language or was it just a lucky guess?”

“I don’t know a lot. Sam told me how Claire uses it to talk, so I talked to Mary and she showed me and Sam the signs that Claire uses the most. We tried to show Bentley too, but I don’t know how much actually sunk in.”

Cas’s eyes go soft and he shakes his head slightly, as if in disbelief. Finally he says, “I appreciate you taking the time to learn what you did. It’s very helpful to her and to me, as well.”

“Hey, man, let us know anything we can do to help and we’re on board,” Sam remarks.

Castiel turns to Dean and says, “Your family is very kind.”

“They’re just buttering you up because they want more babies in the future, remember?” Dean teases him.

“I had just managed to forget about that. Thanks for bringing it up again,” Castiel says dryly.

“Hey guys? Can I ask how you two decided to get together? You’re really, really cute,” Jess comments.

“So we’ve heard,” Dean says.

“From who?”

“Mom and Charlie,” Dean answers.

“Mary!” Jess shouts. “You knew they were dating and you didn’t tell me!?”

“Sorry, kinda busy in here,” Mary answers, obviously deflecting.

“There was no magic moment or something when we were suddenly together. It just kinda happened. Cas couldn’t keep his hands off of me,” Dean adds with a big smile.

Castiel begins to protest. “That is… accurate, actually,” Castiel seems to realize, chuckling softly. “I have not had good luck with men in the past, and I didn’t want to introduce another man into my life and Claire’s life, too. But Dean sort of worked his way past all of that since he was going to be in Claire’s life anyway, and the fact that he lives next door certainly comes in handy.”

“So you’re basically saying that Dean pushed his way in even after you shot him down, and then he charmed his way past your defenses?” Sam says. He makes a face of contemplation. “That does sound like him.”

“I didn’t shoot him down,” Castiel disagrees.

“Uh, you did, actually. But I wore you down pretty fast so I won’t hold it against you,” Dean says with a smile.  

“Is it okay if I ask what happened to Claire’s mom?” Jess asks nervously.

“Oh. Well, she was a surrogate for me and my ex-husband. We divorced when Claire was only three months old because I discovered he had been unfaithful for the entire duration of our relationship.”

Castiel says it with no emotion whatsoever, and Dean can barely reconcile this version of Cas telling the story versus the tearful version Cas told him. Cas really opened up to him.

“What a douchebag,” Sam says vehemently. “Cheating is bad enough, but cheating when there’s an _infant_ involved? How do you even find the time between the diaper changes and all the baby puke?”

Dean snorts bitterly. “Pretty easy when he was never around. Cas did everything himself.”

“He’s right. In fact, I’d be willing to bet Dean’s already spent more time with Claire in the last week than my ex did in the three months before I left him,” Castiel says, giving Dean an appraising look.

“Good!” Jess exclaims. “Sorry, but by the sounds of things, Dean would be a much better role model than your ex. I mean, I’m sure he had some redeeming qualities, of course.”

Castiel shakes his head. “No. Looking back, he really didn’t. I was just young and swept away by the first attractive man who ever paid attention to me and found myself in a serious relationship without even realizing I had a choice.” Dean tries not to react to hearing Castiel call another man attractive. God he hates that guy. “Although, comparing recent events to what I had with my ex leads me to believe we didn’t have much of a relationship at all.”

“You mean me?” Dean asks, and Castiel nods and smiles somewhat shyly. Dean grins at Jess. “And I haven’t even gotten him out on a date yet.”

“Yes, yes, you’re very smooth. Please don’t inflate his head any further,” Jess begs.

“He’s really been kinder to me and to Claire than anybody in our lives so far. I believe he deserves the praise in this instance,” Castiel replies, placing his hand on Dean’s knee and rubbing it a little.

“Ha!” Dean says to Jess.

“His maturity level leaves something to be desired though,” Castiel adds.

“Please! You’re the one who was licking my face the other day!”

“Woah! TMI, Dean!” Sam says quickly.

“No! Not like _that_!” Castiel corrects him, obviously mortified by the assumption.

“I _wish_. No, Charlie was trying to take our picture and she wanted me to kiss Cas on the cheek but I said no. Next thing I know, this freak is licking me up the side of my face like a dog or something,” Dean explains, laughing at the memory. Jess and Sam are smiling along at the two of them.

“Well, maybe next time you’ll just kiss me then,” Castiel suggests, nudging him with his shoulder.

Dean pulls Cas towards him with the arm he already has slung around his shoulders for a quick kiss, and then just because Cas’s eyes go wide like he’s _shocked_ he was just kissed in front of Sam and Jess, Dean kisses him a second time.

“Better?” Dean asks, teasing him. Castiel’s cheeks are a fucking fantastic shade of pink and if his family wasn’t there, he’d be kissing him again and and again.

Dean turns to grin at Jess and Sam and finds them both with huge, dopey smiles on their faces.

“Oh god, I set them off,” Dean says in a whisper to Cas.

“You guys are _so cute_ together,” Jess says, playing right into what Dean just said. “Why haven’t you taken him on a date exactly?”

“Nobody to watch the munchkin, and Cas is away from her enough as it is when he’s working,” Dean says.

“What about after she’s in bed? Your mom would sit with her if you asked, I’m sure of it. I would, too, but Claire knows Mary well already,” Jess suggests.

Like Claire heard her name, she comes walking over and crawls up to sit on Castiel’s knee with her feet in Dean’s lap. She looks up to Castiel and signs _eat_.

“You’re hungry?” Castiel asks, and Claire signs _yes._

“That’s some perfect timing then Claire, because Miss Mary has dinner ready!” Mary says, walking into the room. “Pick up your Lego and help Bentley with the cars and we can have supper! First clean up, then supper,” she repeats.

Claire scrambles down quickly and starts cleaning up her mess.

“I think she might like food as much as I do,” Dean comments.

“I think that might be true,” Mary agrees. “For such a little thing, she really can eat.”

“Would it be too much trouble if I started to get a plate together for Claire before everybody else starts eating?” Castiel asks.

“I already did that,” Mary answers him. “Got everything all cut up for both her and Bentley. I don’t know what she drinks with you at home though? I have apple juice and sippy cups from when Bentley was smaller.”

“I wasn’t sure what you would have so I brought her a cup along, but thank you. And thank you for getting her meal ready. You didn’t have to do that,” Castiel replies.

“I’m used to it, and I’m happy to give you a hand. I know how hard it can be to do everything by yourself,” Mary reminds him.

“I still appreciate it,” Castiel insists.

“Hey, did somebody say they were ready to eat?” Dean says as Claire walks back over to them.

Claire’s eyes light up and she walks right over to Dean signing _eat, please, eat!_

“No wonder they get along,” Sam says to the room in general.

“Claire, do you know what a piggy back is?” Dean asks her. Claire tilts her head at him the same way Castiel does when he’s confused. “Get on my back,” he rephrases. Claire’s eyes go wide before she climbs on the couch and stands up, bracing her hands on Dean’s back to hold herself up before she wraps her arms around his neck from behind. “Thatta girl!” Dean praises. He grabs her by the legs and then gets to his feet and hears delighted laughter coming from Claire. He bounces her as he walks her over to the dinner table just to hear the sound of her giggle again. Castiel is close behind and when Dean stops at the high chair, Castiel takes her off of Dean’s back and puts her in it. Dean takes the seat beside Claire’s high chair, and Mary sits across from him, taking the other seat beside Claire. Castiel slides the tray on the chair and turns around to see both seats close to her taken and freezes.

“Take a seat, Cas,” Dean says, patting the chair beside him.

“Do you want to switch seats so I can help Claire?” Castiel asks him.

“Nope. I got it,” he says.

“But -" Castiel begins.

“I know he’s a bit of a rookie, Castiel, but I’m here for backup. And you’re right there. She’ll be okay, sweetie. Sit and enjoy your meal for once,” Mary insists. She takes a few bites of chicken, a few bites of potatoes, carrots, and corn off of Claire’s plate and places them on Claire’s tray.

Castiel sighs but nods, walking around Dean to take the seat beside him. “I’m still getting used to accepting help.”

“I understand,” she says. Jess sits beside Mary, Bentley beside her, and Sam sits beside Dean. “Everybody dig in. Dean, leave some chicken for everybody else.”

“Ha ha,” Dean says lightly, but reaches for the tray of chicken and grabs a drumstick before anybody else can and sticks his tongue out at his mom.

Food gets passed around, dish by dish, and Dean loads up his plate with a mountain of food. Nobody cooks like his mom and he isn’t ashamed for loving it as much as he does.

“Castiel, are you okay with drinking milk with dinner or would you prefer juice or water?” Mary asks.

“Milk is fine, thank you. Everything looks and smells delicious,” Castiel compliments her. “Did you make the rolls, too?”

“I did! Dean bought me a bread maker for Christmas last year, so I’ve been making all kinds of things now. Which I’m sure was his big plan all along,” she adds.

“Hey, if I can reap the benefits of a gift for somebody else, there aint anything wrong with that,” Dean argues with his mouth stuffed full of said roll. “Plus, these are fan-freaking-tastic!”

“I really do apologize for his table manners. No amount of correcting him ever worked, and now I’m afraid the time has passed,” Mary tells Castiel.

“I believe I’m already getting used to it. With the freckles and his cheeks stuffed so full, he kind of reminds me of a cute little chipmunk,” Castiel says with a laugh.

“Aw,” Jess says quietly, and Dean’s cheeks turn a little pink.

“Good food, Claire?” Dean asks, taking the attention off of himself.

Claire points to an empty space on her tray and signs _more._ She has potatoes, carrots, but no corn and no chicken.

“More corn?” Dean asks, pointing to his own. Claire shakes her head. “More chicken?” _Yes._ Dean takes some off of her plate and puts it on her tray, getting a big smile from her in return.

“Okay, Castiel, time for us to grill you,” Mary says, but her eyes are dancing.

Castiel nods. “I knew it was coming. Go ahead.”

“How old are you?” Jess asks.

“Twenty-six,” Castiel responds. “Please keep them all that easy.”

“How long were you married?” Sam asks.

Mary’s eyes go wide, and Dean realizes she didn’t hear that part of the conversation. “It was just after our fourth anniversary when our divorce was finalized,” Castiel replies.

“I’m sorry, Castiel, I didn’t know,” Mary offers.

“I appreciate that, but we’re better off without him.”

Dean agrees silently with a nod of his head.

“Do you have any brothers or sisters?” Sam asks.

“No, I’m an only child.”

“You must be close with your parents then?” Jess inquires.

“Um, no, actually. They’re very religious. Having a gay son was more than they could handle, and after I married my ex they completely cut me out of the family,” Castiel answers, slightly quieter than he was before.

Dean reaches out and places a hand on his knee to comfort him.

“I will never be able to understand parents like that for as long as I live,” Mary says.

“Me neither,” Jess agrees. “I could care less who Bentley loves, as long as he’s happy.”

“I feel the same way,” Sam comments. “I’m sorry your parents didn’t.”

“It’s been hard at times, but there isn’t anything I can do to change how they feel, and certainly nothing that will change who I am, so I’ve accepted it as much as I can,” Castiel replies. “That’s another reason why I appreciate being invited here so much tonight. This is the first family dinner Claire and I have ever been to.”

“And she’s being such a good girl,” Mary says to Claire.

“Yeah, let’s see if she can _not_ break my head tonight,” Dean says with a smile.

“You two have been spending quite a bit of time together, haven’t you?” Mary asks them both.

“Yep,” Dean answers.

“Dean’s a very good man,” Castiel adds. “Very hard to stay away from. He’s so good with Claire, and even helpful around the apartment, though I’d never ask him to help clean or anything.”

Everybody laughs and Dean glares at them, knowing what’s coming. “Why does that not surprise me?” Sam asks sarcastically.

“What do you mean?” Castiel asks.

“Dean’s a neat freak,” Sam replies.

Dean shakes his head. “I’m really not,” he disagrees.

“Don’t listen to him,” Jess tells Castiel. “He has a place for everything, and if you move something or don’t put it back where it goes, he loses his shit.”

“Language,” Mary adds tiredly. Dean laughs since it's not him getting in trouble for once.

“What does that mean exactly?” Castiel asks, looking worried. “He yells?”

“No, sweetie,” Mary says, chuckling. “Dean doesn’t yell.”

“Yeah right!” Sam interjects.

Dean gives him a look of confusion. “When do I yell?”

“Anytime you watch sports, for one,” Sam answers.

“Yeah, but I’m not yelling at somebody, I’m just yelling at the TV!”

“I didn’t even know you watch sports,” Castiel says from beside him.

“Baseball and hockey. I’m not crazy about it though.”

“Unless it’s the World Series or Stanley Cup,” Jess teases, and Dean nods his agreement.

“Are you one of those guys who paints their chests?” Castiel asks, obviously not pleased with the idea.

Everybody laughs and Castiel turns a little pink, which of course, is adorable.

“No, but I’d let you paint me if you wanted to,” Dean says, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Another thing about Dean is that he has no shame,” Jess tells Cas.

“Oh, like you’re one to talk!” Dean tosses back at her.

Her and Sam both laugh before she agrees, “That’s why we get along so well.”

“I thought it was because you were not-so-secretly in love with me?”

“Well, that too, obviously,” Jess answers, batting her eyelashes.

“If you two are in love, does that mean I get Sam on the side, then?” Castiel asks, his face beet red even as the words come from his mouth.

Sam laughs evilly as Jess and Dean’s mouths drop open. Mary gives Claire some more food and tries to hide her smile.

“Ha! Yes! Finally somebody I can try to get back at you to with! I’m in, Cas,” Sam says, wrapping his arm around Castiel’s shoulders and smirking at Dean.

“I _will_ kill you,” Dean warns his brother.

“You’ve been flirting with Jess for almost ten years! You hit on her during your toast at our wedding!” Sam reminds him, but he takes his arm away.

Dean grins, remembering how funny his joke was. “Because she can do better.”

“And what? You’re as good as Castiel can get?” Sam asks.

“Hell no,” Dean answers quickly.

“I don’t know anybody better than Dean,” Castiel defends. “I couldn’t dream up somebody better.”

“Awww,” Jess and Mary both say at the same time.

“You’ve got him fooled,” Sam says, smiling.

“Blow me,” Dean tells him.

“Excuse me?” Mary says with an edge to her voice. “Not that I’d ever like to hear you say that again, but at the dinner table, Dean? In front of company?”

Dean ducks his head a little, properly chastised. “Sorry, ma.”

“You should probably apologize to me, too,” Sam tries.

Dean wraps his arm around Castiel and gives him the finger behind his back where his mom can’t see.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing back there,” she tells him.

“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about,” Dean says, giving her his most charming smile. She just rolls her eyes at him, which makes him laugh.

“How do you stay mad at that face?” Castiel asks Mary.

“Years of practice,” she says, smiling softly. “I’ll give you some tips later.”

“You know, I think he’s good,” Dean tries.

“I will happily take you up on that offer,” Castiel insists, and Dean pouts. But inside he’s smiling, because Cas is fitting in with everybody perfectly.

His family quizzes Castiel for the rest of the meal, and Castiel seems to win them all over one at a time using some tips from Charlie, but also just really being his adorable self.

He completely loses Cas to a conversation with Sam about the importance of bees, and still, Dean can’t tear his eyes off of Cas. He lights up in a way he’s hardly ever seen him, talking about hives, and queens, and apiaries and a bunch of other shit Dean doesn’t even understand, but he’s absolutely adorable and all Dean can see most of the time is the back of his head.

He sees his mom and Jess exchanging glances and he knows he’s being super obvious, but he doesn’t care. He’s stupidly into Cas, and who cares if his family knows?

Dean keeps tossing Claire bites of food like she’s a bird and when she starts whining because she’s either full or tired of sitting in her seat, he takes her to the bathroom to wash her hands and face and then her and Bentley go and play some more in the living room where he takes a seat to keep an eye on them.

His mom comes to join him several minutes later and sits back against the arm of the couch and puts her feet in Dean’s lap.

“I like him, honey,” Mary says quietly.

Dean feels that warmth inside of his chest spreading again. He would’ve kept liking Cas either way, but it’s really freakin’ nice to hear that his mom likes him, too. “Yeah, me too.”

“I like the way he looks at you,” she adds.

Dean grins this time. “Me, too.”

“It’s about time somebody noticed how special you are,” she says, taking his hand and giving it a little squeeze.

He rolls his eyes because he has to keep up outward appearances, but inside, he’s really, really happy that his mom thinks Cas sees something special about him, even if it isn’t necessarily true.

They watch Bentley and Claire make a house out of Lego, and Dean comments on how good Bentley is with Claire to try to make it seem like he isn’t glowing inside. Bentley’s being extremely patient, even when Claire takes Legos right out of his hand a time or two (which Dean corrects).

“Thanks for bringing Castiel and Claire,” Mary says some time later. “I’m glad I got to know him a little bit better. And I heard what you said earlier about a babysitter for Claire. Maybe talk to Castiel and see if he’s open to the idea? I can sit with her next weekend if you want to take him out.”

“I love the sounds of that, but Cas has a bad history of people he trusted screwing him over - including mistreating Claire when she was real small - so I don’t know how he’ll feel about it. But I’ll mention it,” Dean answers.

“Okay, Dean. Thanks for baking the brownies, by the way. They were absolutely sinful! Make sure you bring them home with you so I don’t get fat,” Mary teases.

“Yeah, thanks a lot. I’m gonna be the one who gets fat now that I can’t work out,” Dean reminds her.

“Maybe Castiel will take them, then.”

Dean snorts. “Yeah, I have no doubt about that.”

“He and Sam seem to be getting along well.”

“Of course they’re getting along. They’re both ginormous nerds,” Dean replies, smiling.

“I heard that,” Castiel says, walking into the room while drying his hands on a dish towel. Dean flashes him a smile.

“Castiel! You better not have done the dishes!” Mary says, quickly getting to her feet.

“I didn’t. I dried them,” he answers.

“I washed them,” Sam tells her, walking in with Jess beside him.

Mary takes the towel from Cas and swats him with it, which sends Castiel scurrying over to sit beside Dean with a sheepish smile on his face.

“I changed my mind, Dean. I _really_ like him,” Mary says, her face cracking on a big smile.

“Me, too,” Sam says, sitting on the couch with Jess.

“Yep, same,” Jess agrees. “It’s unanimous. He passes the Winchester test.”

“Congratulations, Cas. I don’t even think I’ve passed it yet,” Dean tells him, and everybody laughs.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you in,” Castiel promises.

Dean just happens to catch the time on the clock on the cable box and does a double take. “We better get Claire home, Cas. It’s quarter to seven.”

Castiel looks around for a clock and his jaw drops, too. “Wow, I didn’t realize how much time passed while we were eating dinner and dessert.”

“Time flies when you talk about bees, apparently. Claire’s on a pretty set schedule, and everything starts around seven. So we gotta bail,” Dean explains to his family.

“I’m so sorry to eat and leave,” Castiel says to Mary.

“Don’t you dare apologize for bringing your baby home, Castiel. We can eat earlier next week if that works better for you?” Mary offers.

“Next week?” Castiel asks, looking at Dean.

“You have a standing invitation as long as you keep making Dean smile like he does with you,” Mary tells him.

“I couldn’t possibly intrude all the time,” Castiel denies.

“Dean, honey, is Castiel intruding?” Mary asks.

“‘Course not, Cas. You know I like havin’ you and the munchkin around,” Dean assures him. “As long as they didn’t scare you away, you can come anytime.”

“I… think I would like that,” Castiel admits. “Thank you,” he says, getting to his feet. He walks over to help Claire clean up again, exchanges goodbyes with Sam and Jess, and then Mary walks them out.

“Thank you again for the invitation and the fantastic dinner, Mary. We enjoyed ourselves very much,” Castiel says earnestly.

“Thank _you_ for coming, and for the beautiful flowers. I’ll see you in the morning. You, too, Claire. I’ll see you at daycare, okay? Go to bed like a good girl for Dad,” she adds.

Claire waves bye and Dean grabs his mom for a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, and then they head back home.

They make it halfway home making comfortable small talk before Dean can’t help asking what he’s really thinking.

“Did you like them, Cas?” he bursts out with.

“Your family?” Castiel checks. “Of course I liked them! What’s not to like?”

“I dunno. Reliving your break-up and family problems probably wasn’t all that great,” Dean reminds him.

“It’s a necessary part of people getting to know me. I knew going in there that it was going to come up. I wasn’t bothered by them asking,” he assures him. “You were fairly quiet whenever Arthur came up.”

“Yeah, well, I kinda hate the guy with a passion for hurting you, so I try not to say much,” Dean explains.

“I was worried that you were bothered in some way by him coming up,” Castiel admits.

“You mean jealous?” Dean asks, cutting through the crap. Castiel gives a halfhearted shrug. “I guess I’m a little jealous that he got to have all the big things with you first when he was a total douchebag, but it’s partially because of him that Claire’s here and I got to meet you at all. So it kinda balances out.”

“I don’t like talking about him often, but he was a part of my life for five years, and as you said, every one of my firsts. So he will come up from time to time. But I hope you know that he doesn’t mean anything to me now,” Castiel tells him kindly. He reaches over so he can leave his hand on the inside of Castiel’s leg.

“Good. I mean, I’d fight for you if I had to, but I dunno how I’d do goin’ in with a broken finger and recovering from a concussion,” Dean teases.

“You win by default because you’re the only one I want,” Castiel says seriously.

Dean grins. “You want me, Cas?”

“Mmhmm. In more ways than one,” he replies, also grinning. “Seriously though, it was nice to have dinner with your family today. It was the first time in a long time I felt like I belonged to a family, even if it was just for a few hours. It felt wonderful.”

“You heard ‘em. You’re welcome anytime,” Dean reminds him.

“I can’t even allow myself to think that way,” Castiel says sadly.

“What way?”

“To believe things will continue to go well between us and that maybe someday I can really have friends and maybe even a family again,” Castiel answers. “It would hurt to lose even the possibility.”

“You think about stuff like that?” Dean asks him.

Castiel winces slightly. “I… I suppose I do. In a perfect world, that’s what we’re going for here, right? Eventually.”

“Well, yeah. I mean… that’s the point for everybody when they start dating somebody, isn’t it? Like you said, in a perfect world, everybody’s trying to find the one person they don’t wanna stop dating.”

“Exactly,” Castiel agrees. “So in that way, yes, I’ve thought about that. I thought how easy it might be to have more family dinners like that. About how nice it would be for Claire to have more than just me to care about her. How I might one day be able to give her the big family I promised her mom the day she placed her in my arms for the first time.”

“You’re not the only one who cares about Claire now. And listen, even if it ain't me, Cas, you dunno how much I want that big family for both of you. You deserve all that stuff,” Dean tells him honestly. Probably isn’t wise to tell him how much he already kinda hopes it is with him.

They’re quiet for the remainder of the drive home. When they pull into the parking lot, Dean gets Claire out of her seat, but she reaches for Cas and says, “Da!”

“I think somebody’s tired,” Dean says to Castiel walking around to the front of the car. “She wants her daddy.”

“Come here, Claire Bear,” Castiel tells her, taking her. Claire’s head falls to his shoulder immediately and Dean knows he was right, Claire’s tired. Castiel takes Dean’s hand and they walk back to Castiel’s apartment together.

“Daddy’s gonna go get your milk, okay?” Castiel says, leaning down to put her on the ground.

“Dee!” Claire says.

“Jeez, it’s like musical chairs,” Dean says, but he accepts her when Cas hands her over and melts a little bit when Claire’s head goes to his shoulder the same way it did with Cas’s. “Guess I’m an okay choice when I’m all you’ve got, huh?” Dean asks. He rocks her back and forth as he seems to do whenever he’s holding her, and strokes the little curls that escaped her ponytail at the base of her neck. Her hair is just as soft as Cas’s.

“If you keep doing that I don’t think she’s going to make it through her cup of milk before bed,” Castiel tells him with a soft smile on his face. “Her eyes are closed.” Dean looks down, and sure enough, she’s drifting off to sleep. “Claire, honey, do you want your milk?” Castiel asks her.

No response. In fact, the hand that was on Dean’s chest slides down like dead weight and dangles by her side.

Castiel sighs. “She’s out. And you look _adorable_ with my daughter sleeping on you,” Castiel says with a happy sigh. “Can you carry her into her bedroom and lay her on the change table so I can change her diaper before bed?”

“Will she wake up?” Dean asks.

“No, not usually. Once she’s out around this time, she’s out. I should have brought her milk to your mom’s.”

“Next time,” Dean reminds him, and Castiel smiles.

Dean walks into Claire’s nursery and lays her gently on the table, and like Cas said, she doesn’t move.

“I’ll just take off,” Dean offers.

Castiel shakes his head. “Stay. She’s asleep. It’ll take two minutes.”

Dean nods and watches as Castiel gets her out of her clothes as Claire’s body remains limp. Dean turns towards the dresser and pulls open the top drawer to reveal baby pajamas. He pulls out a sleeper and holds it up to Cas. Cas nods. Dean brings it over to him, and wraps up the used diaper and puts it in the Diaper Genie beside the change table while Castiel gets the sleeper on her.

Castiel lifts her back up gently and carries her over to Dean. Dean looks at Castiel, wondering what he’s supposed to do.

“Don’t you want to say goodnight?” Castiel asks in a whisper.

Dean smiles and reaches over to brush her hair off of her forehead. He thinks about kissing her head and looks up at Castiel. Like Castiel can read his mind, he nods with a smile on his face, and Dean leans in slowly so Cas can stop him if he read him wrong, but ultimately plants a soft kiss to the top of her head and whispers, “Goodnight, blondie.”

Castiel kisses the side of her head and says, “Goodnight, Claire Bear. Daddy loves you. Sweet dreams.”

Dean watches while Castiel lays her in her crib gently, hits a button on her mobile to start the music, and they walk out of Claire’s bedroom and back out into the living room.

“Kids are so cute when they’re sleeping,” Dean says, which makes Castiel laugh. Castiel settles back onto the arm of the couch and Dean lays on him the same way they did the last time he was here. Castiel’s hand is stroking through the short hair on the back of Dean’s head and down to the base of his neck, and Dean feels like a very lucky giant cat curled up on Cas.

“I agree. Even when she was an infant and had me up half the night making bottle after bottle, there was always something so sweet about her once she fell asleep. And I may as well admit it since I’m sure it’s fairly obvious anyway, seeing you with her absolutely kills me, Dean.”

“In a good way?” Dean checks.

“The best possible way. I feel so much when I see you be sweet with her,” Castiel admits.

“I, uh, feel things when she reaches for me, and comes to me for help, too. And damn, when she lays her little head on my chest? Man. Even that first night I was here and it was three in the damn morning, she fell asleep on me and I just went all soft,” Dean says, remembering it well.

“You’ll make a wonderful father someday,” Castiel comments.

“I hope so,” Dean confesses. “As long as my kids get to be as cute and as sweet as Claire is.”

Castiel sighs. “Imagine a little green eyed boy with those freckles of yours smattered across his cheeks. Of course you’ll have beautiful children.”

They lay there together for some time, lost in their own thoughts and enjoying being close to one another. Eventually, Castiel says, “Have you listened to any of the podcasts I recommended?”

“Uh, no, not yet. I’ve been lost in the world of Robert Langdon,” Dean reminds him.

“Would you like to listen to the Modern Vinyl one together since we still can’t watch television?” Castiel suggests.

“Yeah, why not,” Dean answers.

“I have a pill speaker in my bedroom. Would you be opposed to listening to it in there?” Castiel asks.

“You know we’re gonna fall asleep together if we do,” Dean warns him.

“I’m aware,” Castiel answers, humor audible in his voice. “But I don’t want you to leave yet. Is that alright with you?”

“‘Course it is,” Dean says, sitting up so they can go to Castiel’s bedroom.

“I’m going to brush my teeth and change into pajamas. Would you like to borrow a toothbrush and something to sleep in?”

“That’d be great,” Dean answers, feeling slightly silly that his own stuff is only a thirty second walk away.

Castiel goes to his closet and pulls out two pairs of pajama pants and two undershirts, and passes one of each to Dean. “Go ahead and get changed here, then we’ll switch so you can brush your teeth. I’ll leave a toothbrush on the sink for you,” Castiel says while he walks out to the bathroom.

Dean follows his directions, puts his dirty clothes folded on the chair at Castiel’s desk, and then opens the door again so Cas knows he can come in. They share dopey smiles at seeing each other in their pjs, and then Dean takes his turn brushing his teeth and using the bathroom before he joins Castiel back in his bedroom.

They lay together in Castiel’s bed listening to the podcast, pausing it several times so they can discuss something that was mentioned. It ends up taking almost two hours to get through the fifty minute podcast because of how much they talk.

When it ends, Castiel turns off the lamp, and they both get under the covers. They’re facing each other on their sides, eyes adjusting to the dark, when Castiel scoots closer and lowers his mouth to Dean’s in a chaste but lingering kiss.

Just that is enough to make Dean reach out to run his hand up Castiel’s arm, just to touch him, and Castiel whispers, “Dean. Can I… can I just…?”

“Anything,” Dean promises him, and the word has barely left his lips before Castiel’s mouth is pressed to his again.

Castiel kisses him hungrily, like he did the first time. He commands every second of this kiss and has Dean opening his mouth to his prodding tongue in seconds. Castiel groans into his mouth, almost like a growl that has Dean’s entire body thrumming with desire instantly, and he goes eagerly when Castiel rolls him onto his back. Cas straddles one of his legs and Dean lets his good hand roam up and down Castiel’s strong back. His t-shirt is rucked up a little bit, and they both gasp when his hand finds Cas’s bare skin for the first time. Castiel kisses his way across his jaw, nibbling a little bit as he goes, and making Dean squirm beneath him with the need for _more_.

He wants to rut against him, to let his hips come up off the bed and grind into him more than anything, but he doesn’t want to do anything Castiel isn’t ready for. He can hold his hips still, but he can’t stop his hand from pushing up and under Castiel’s shirt to feel the way his back muscles flex and release under his palm. Dean remembers exactly how he looked that one time he saw him with no shirt on, and as Castiel’s mouth leaves a trail of hot kisses down to Dean’s collarbone, Dean pictures his naked back in his head as he imagines thrusting into his tight center from behind.

“Cas, _god,_ ” Dean gasps as he feels Castiel’s teeth scrape across his skin.

“Dean,” Castiel answers breathlessly. “Mmmm Dean,” he repeats, setting Dean’s blood on fire. The way Cas says his name is one of the sexiest things he’s ever heard. Castiel sucks hard on his skin right over his collarbone and Dean’s hips come up off the bed, causing his erection to press against Cas’s thigh, and they both groan simultaneously. Castiel rolls his hips, thrusting against his leg and Dean loses himself when he feels Castiel’s hard length moving against him and chases the friction just for a minute.

Fuck he wants him.

But not like this. Not when he only has the use of one of his hands and Cas isn’t even his boyfriend. Cas means more to him than this.

“Okay,” Dean breathes. “Okay, honey, let’s slow it down.”

Castiel kisses his way back up to his mouth, and though he does roll over a bit, positioning himself so that he’s no longer between Dean’s legs and therefor erasing the danger of them coming all over each other, he doesn’t stop kissing him.

Dean rolls onto his side and slows things down even more by using his bad hand to press Castiel back just the tiniest little bit, and responding to his kisses more gently, kissing him soft and sweet instead of like he’s desperate to fuck him into the mattress. (Even though he is.)

Castiel whimpers into his mouth, his fingers clutching the front of Dean’s shirt before he finally breaks their kiss. They stay pressed forehead to forehead, their breath mingling, Dean's hands now covering Castiel's between them.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel says with his voice rough as sandpaper, sending a shiver through Dean's body.

“No,” Dean disagrees. “You don’t need to be sorry. You’re hot as fuck, Cas. You don’t know what you're doin' to me.”

“I think I have a pretty good idea. I just want…” Castiel says, and leans in to kiss him again, closing his teeth on Dean’s bottom lip as he pulls away again, electrocuting his nerve endings and making Dean groan.

“I’ll kiss you all night if you want me to,” Dean offers, pressing his lips to Castiel’s again.

“ _Yes_ ,” Castiel answers on a sigh, kissing him back immediately, licking his way into his mouth all over again.

And that's exactly what they do. Like they’re teenagers who can’t possibly take things any further, they make out for what feels like hours, until their lips are kiss-swollen and shiny with spit, and they’re both wrapped together so tightly Dean can’t tell where he ends and Castiel begins.

The butterflies in his stomach are fighting with the flames burning there now, and Dean feels warm and fuzzy, safe and happy, sexy and powerful, and desperate _and_ wanted in ways he never has before.

When their lips eventually part, they’re still wrapped tightly around one another, Dean’s still achingly hard, and they’re both breathing heavily. Their hands roam each other’s bodies in innocent explorations, neither of them wanting to stop touching and being close until they eventually fall asleep, feeling like they’re exactly where they were always meant to be.

Together.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean starts planting the seed of taking Cas out on their first date the very next day.  He doesn’t want Cas to feel like he’s pushing, so he just mentions it casually in a text.

 **DEAN:** Forgot to tell you, my mom told me to pass on her offer to sit with Claire any Friday or Saturday night if you ever want to go out on a real date with me. She said she’d come over after Claire’s already in bed so Claire wouldn’t even know you’re not there.

It’s several minutes before Castiel replies, which is unusual for him, and Dean sits there with his eyes closed, hoping he didn’t scare him off.

 **CASTIEL:** I never thought of your mom. Which is silly, since she already knows Claire well and obviously would know what to do if she ever woke up. Claire probably wouldn’t even be surprised to see her if she did.

 **DEAN:** Plus, you said she usually sleeps pretty deeply once she’s out, right?

 **CASTIEL:** That’s true. She does.

 **DEAN:** No pressure or anything of course :) Just thought I’d bring it up.

 **CASTIEL:** Definitely something to think about. Thank you, Dean.

 

They’re lying together on Castiel’s couch on Wednesday night with the television on in the background when Cas brings it up again.

“What would we do if we went on a date?” Castiel asks.

Dean considers for a moment. “Well, I’d typically like to do something fun to take the pressure off, maybe something physical like bowling, or skating or something.”

“Ice skating?”

“Or roller skating. Whatever you’re not good at, ‘cause then I could have an excuse to get handsy with you,” Dean admits, smiling. “But I can’t do anything like that right now.”

“So what would we do then?”

“Come on, Cas. Can’t I surprise you?”

“Not if you’re going to spring something like ice skating on me when I was thinking we’d go for dinner!” Castiel exclaims and Dean laughs.

“Relax. We’ll have fun. And dinner dates don’t typically go all that well for me. My manners are shit, remember?”

“You know you don’t have to impress me,” Castiel says, squeezing him a little.

“No. The difference is that for once in my life I actually _want_ to impress somebody.”

“You’re sweet,” Castiel says softly. “Is tomorrow too late to decide?”

“Nope. And it’s not like there’s an expiration date, Cas. I’m not going anywhere, and my mom’s around next weekend, too, and the one after that. If it’s too fast or you’re not comfortable leaving Claire…”

“I want to go,” Castiel says, interrupting him. “Yes, Dean. I want to go on a date with you this weekend.”

Dean sits up, looking him in the face with a big grin on his face. “Really? You made up your mind just like that?”

Castiel's grin is just as big. “Really. You being sweet and understanding is my undoing.”

Dean inches his way up and kisses Cas quickly before he lays back down.

“Shit,” he says suddenly.

“What’s the matter?” Cas asks.

“Now I have to think of something to do,” Dean responds, and he feels Castiel's body shake with laughter beneath him.

 

* * *

 

 

On Saturday afternoon Castiel is still bugging him about their date.

 **CASTIEL:** What are we doing tonight?

 **DEAN:** Let me surprise you.

 **CASTIEL:** What should I wear?

 **DEAN:** Look nice for me ;)

 **CASTIEL:** BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

 **DEAN:** lol relax, shouty. You don’t have to wear dress pants or anything, but nice pants and a nice shirt.

 **CASTIEL:** Tie?

 **DEAN:** Mmmm bet you’d look good with a tie on ;)

 **CASTIEL:** DEAN! Focus.

 **DEAN:** lol either way is fine. I’m not wearing a tie, if that helps. Breathe.

 **CASTIEL:** Easy for you to say! I’ve never even been on a real date before!

 **DEAN:** Ha! I finally get a first! I’m gonna milk it, too :) I’ll see you at 8.

 

Dean’s mom shows up about ten to eight, and she wolf whistles when Dean answers the door.

“Oh come on,” Dean scoffs, embarrassed.

“Sweetie! Look at you! You look so handsome,” she says, reaching out to pinch his cheek.

“Maaa,” Dean complains.

“Undo one more button,” she suggests, reaching out for it.

Dean bats her hands away. “What are you _doing_?” Dean spits out amid his laughter.

Mary laughs, too. “Sorry! Just trying to help! I haven’t seen you get ready for a date since high school.”

“And I had no idea how lucky I was until right now,” Dean replies dryly, but he does undo one more button like she suggested.

“Oh, stop, you know I’m just excited for you.”

“The level of enthusiasm is a little creeptastic, mom,” Dean tells her.

“You look so good in red, sweetie,” she says, completely ignoring him. “Why don’t you wear it more often?”

Dean shrugs. “Saving it for a special occasion, I guess,” he answers, though that isn’t actually true. It just feels like a strong color, and he doesn’t always want to draw attention to himself anymore than usual. Today he does, though. His shirt is fire engine red, his pants are slim fit black khakis that hug him in all the right places, and he feels good.

He goes into the bathroom to give his hair one final check, grabs the single white rose he picked up for Cas from the fridge, and and walks out to the living room again.

“Awww, you bought him a rose?” his mom gushes.

“Yeah. Said he’s never been on a real date before. Gotta pull out all the stops,” Dean explains.

“I did damn good with you, didn’t I?” she realizes.

“No complaints so far,” Dean agrees with a smile. “Do me a favor when we get there?”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t gush over him the way you gushed over me,” Dean pleads. “It’s embarrassing.”

Mary sighs. “Fine! But I’m still going to tell him he looks nice.”

“After I get to,” Dean bargains. Mary nods. “Okay, let’s go.”

Dean grabs his black leather jacket and slips it on over his dress shirt and opens the door for his mom.

After a knock, Castiel opens the door and Dean’s mouth immediately goes dry.

He’s wearing a navy blue vee-neck with a light gray blazer on top, and a pair of medium wash jeans. The combination of jeans and blazer make the perfect blend of casual and fancy, and the way the blazer accents his wide shoulders and trim waist has Dean swallowing thickly before he can manage to say anything at all.

“Hey, Cas. You look… well, something I can’t exactly say with my mom standing right behind me,” he says with a wink.

“I understand the sentiment,” Castiel replies, and Dean sees him rake his eyes over his body hungrily. Good.

“I got this for you,” Dean says, handing him the rose.

Castiel’s eyes go from heated to soft in a heartbeat, and Dean steps through the doorway.

“You are so sweet, Dean, thank you,” Castiel says softly, stepping forwards to peck him on the cheek. Then he smiles at Mary. “Good evening, Mary. Thank you so much for coming.”

“It’s my pleasure, Castiel. I’m very happy to be here,” Mary says with a trouble-making smile.

“Yeah, because the second we leave she’s gonna send a group text to everybody we know tellin’ them everything that happened since she got to my place,” Dean says. Cas hurries into the kitchen and comes back without the flower, so Dean assumes he stashed it somewhere.

“Oh, pish-posh,” Mary denies, but Dean can see laughter dancing in her eyes. “I assume Claire sleeps as well at night as she does at daycare?”

“Yes. She hardly wakes up at night at all. If she does, I usually just pick her up and comfort her for a minute or two, and then she goes right back down.”

“She likes the music on her mobile to help get her back to sleep,” Dean adds, and Castiel looks over at him like he’s surprised he said that. “Sorry,” Dean says, wondering if he crossed a line.

“No, that's okay. It’s true, she does like that. If she needs a new diaper or anything all of the supplies are on her change table in her room. I also set out an extra sleeper, though she probably won’t need it,” Castiel continues.

“And if you have any problems or anything just call and we’ll come right back. We’ll be less than ten minutes away,” Dean says.

“I’m sure we’ll both be fine, but I won’t hesitate to call if I need to,” Mary promises. “Just show me how to work your tv remote and we’ll be all set.”

Dean laughs and watches while Cas shows her how to work the television. She finds _Grease_ playing and says she’s set for the night.

“We won’t be too late,” Dean promises.

“Don’t you worry about that. Stay out as late as you want. Just have fun,” Mary implores them.

“I can pretty much guarantee that,” Dean says with a wink in Castiel’s direction that causes him to blush. And Dean’s never going to get over how adorable that is.

“Please do call if anything comes up,” Castiel says again.

“I promise, sweetie. Don’t worry, okay?”

“I’ll do my best,” Castiel says, but he seems nervous.

Dean takes his hand so that he’s forced to look in his direction, then he talks quietly so that his mom won’t be able to hear him. “If you wanna hang out here and watch a movie instead of going out, there’s no hard feelings on my end. I won’t be mad or upset or anything. You know that, right?”

Castiel smiles shyly and nods. “I do. I know that. I want to go, it’s just hard to leave,” Castiel admits.

“What can I do to make it easier?” Dean asks.

Castiel runs a hand down the lapel of his leather jacket. “You just did it the same way you always do. I’m okay,” he decides. He turns to Mary and says, “Thanks again, Mary.”

“Happy to help,” Mary says again. “You crazy kids have fun now!”

Dean takes Castiel by the hand and leads him out the door where he hears him take a long, deep breath. “We can still go back,” Dean offers.

“Distract me instead,” Castiel says, walking him down the hall and towards the parking lot. “Tell me what you would have said if your mom wasn’t there when you opened the door.”

“Fishing for compliments, Cas?” Dean teases.

“You do have a mirror, right? You look like you just came from a photo shoot or something. Literally nobody would look good next to you,” Castiel responds.

“Yeah, gonna have to disagree pretty hard there since you look hot as fuck right now. Which is exactly what I woulda said if my ma wasn’t there.”

Castiel laughs. “You would have greeted me with, ‘You look hot as fuck’?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Nothing. It’s just so _you_ ,” Castiel explains with a smile. Dean shrugs. “I am a big fan of that jacket on you, by the way.”

Dean grins as he opens the door for Cas to walk through. He knows he looks good in it. “One of the best splurges I ever made.”

“Is it weird to say that I’ve always liked the smell of genuine leather?” Castiel asks.

“Not unless you tell me it’s because you have a bunch of whips and floggers locked away somewhere,” Dean jokes, and Castiel seems to choke a little before he joins in with the laughing.

“Absolutely not! I don’t judge anybody’s preferences but that certainly isn’t mine,” Castiel divulges.

“Guess I can't take you to the BDSM club I had planned for tonight, then,” Dean jokes again.

“I am sincerely hoping you’ve planned something much more _vanilla_ than that,” Castiel replies.

“I’m just bugging you. That’s more like a third date kinda thing.” Dean steers a laughing Cas towards his car.

“I can’t believe I finally get to ride in your car,” Castiel says with a big smile on his face. “I may have drooled over it a little bit when I parked next to it the first day I moved in.”

“You like my Baby?” Dean asks.

“What’s not to like? She’s big, sleek, and sexy,” Castiel says, running a fingertip gently across the doors as he walks by.

“Shit Cas, you’re gettin’ me all hot and bothered talking about my car like that,” Dean says, only half joking.

“So the way to your heart is through your stomach and the way into your pants is by talking about your car?” Castiel asks.

Dean opens the door for him and Castiel slides into the seat. “Dean Winchester in a nutshell,” he says with a grin. He closes the door gently and then walks around to his side and settles in behind the wheel.

“You look _good_ in this car,” Castiel says.

Dean turns to him and flashes a smile. “I could say the same about you.”

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going now?”

“Yeah. We’re goin’ to Cecil’s,” Dean finally tells him.

“So you did decide on dinner after all?” Castiel asks.

“No. Well, unless you didn’t eat, and then I can buy you dinner. They, uh, have live music on the weekends. Thought it’d be nice to sit and listen to some while we had a couple of drinks and shared some appetizers or something,” Dean says somewhat timidly. “I know it’s kind of lame because we probably won’t be able to talk much, but with my gimp hand and not being able to do anything active, this is the best I could come up with.”

“I think it sounds great! I haven’t done anything like this in _years_. I haven’t even left the house after eight o'clock since Claire was born. I’m excited,” Castiel exclaims, and he sounds like he means it.

“Yeah?”

“Absolutely! What kind of live music do they have tonight, do you know?” Castiel asks.

“Yeah, I called and asked to make sure we didn’t get stuck with country or techno or something,” Dean laughs. “They have a jazz guy playing the sax until nine, then they switch sets and they have a band that does cover songs of classic rock music with strings and a hand drum.”

“ _Really?_ ” Castiel repeats, obviously impressed. “That sounds fantastic!”

“You think so?” Dean asks.

“Of course! I know first dates are usually about trying to get to know the person, but we’ve done that already. I know you extremely well for only meeting you two weeks ago, and I’m excited for the opportunity to see live music with you even if we can’t have deep and meaningful conversation. I enjoy your company and I think this will be a lot of fun.”

“Have I mentioned how perfect you are?” Dean asks, shooting him a smile.

“Says the incredibly good looking man who is sweeping me off my feet,” Castiel replies, sliding over to place his hand on his knee.

“Is it working?” Dean asks.

“So far so good,” Castiel responds. “Oh! What about your head? Do you think the noise will still affect you?”

“Nah, I did a test run when you are at work and blared some music while I attempted to sweep. Way more complicated than you’d think without the full use of your dominant hand, by the way,” Dean says, chucking at the memory.

“As I imagine most things are,” Castiel comments.

“Dude, you have no idea. My head was good though, and I brought some Advil in case I needed them, but I think I’ll be okay. Didn’t need them last night when I was at Charlie’s last night, and my friends ain’t exactly quiet,” Dean says.

“I’m glad you had fun with your friends. Though I will say I missed spending time with you after Claire was in bed. I almost didn’t know what to do with myself without you there,” Castiel says, his cheeks slightly pink.

Dean feels warm all over. “I missed you, too,” he says with a soft smile.

They continue their conversation during the rest of the drive, and Dean finds a parking spot in the lot behind the restaurant, explaining to Castiel that he’s more than a little paranoid of somebody dinging her with their door. Castiel seems to understand, and they walk the short distance to the restaurant hand-in-hand. Dean holds the door open for him when they get there and then he tells the hostess that he has a reservation.

They’re led to a small booth and Dean is surprised when the hostess puts both menus on the same side of the table. Something must show on his face because she says, “Oh I’m sorry - are you two not…?”

“No, we are,” Dean answers quickly.

“Okay, good. I just thought if you sat together you’d both be able to see the musicians,” she explains.

“That’s very thoughtful, thank you,” Castiel answers, and he pats the seat beside him.

Like Dean’s gonna say no to being closer to him. He slides in beside him happily.

“Your waitress will be over in just a few minutes,” the hostess promises.

Dean slips his jacket off and lets it fall on the seat behind them before he reaches for the drink menu.

“What kinda beer do you like, Cas?”

Castiel shrugs. “I drink pretty much anything.”

Dean places a hand on his chest. “Man after my own heart.”

“What do you like?”

“I got used to the cheap shit when I was younger, so I _can_ drink anything, but I’m a fan of fancier stuff these days,” Dean explains.

“I think my ultimate beer of choice is Corona,” Castiel says.

“I can drink that. We’ll grab a couple of those. I’m only having one, maybe two depending how long we stay, but I want you to have a good time, okay?”

“Not _too_ good. I still have to wake up with a baby bright and early in the morning,” Castiel reminds him.

“You can nap when she naps in the morning,” Dean points out.

“That is an excellent point. No wonder I like you,” Castiel says with a small smile.

The waitress comes over and Dean orders them each a Corona, and Castiel asks for lime with his somewhat shyly. Dean leans over and kisses him on the cheek because he’s so freaking cute when he’s shy, and Castiel blushes furiously.

Once the waitress leaves to get their beer, Castiel asks, “You don’t have any hesitancy about PDA?”

Dean shrugs. “Not really. Does it bother you?”

“No. Not at all. I’m just not used to it,” Castiel replies. “Arthur was stuffy, I guess you could say, when it came to anything in public. He said it would just draw sideways looks and rude comments.”

“It’s true. That could happen. Has happened to me before, actually. I don’t really care about that, though.”

“It doesn’t make you uncomfortable?”

“Nope. People can say whatever they want. I’m with the only person in the whole restaurant I’d want as my date, and nothing anybody’s gonna say is gonna change how I feel about that,” Dean assures him.

If Castiel lights up like that every time he compliments him, Dean doesn’t think he’s ever gonna want to stop.

“How do you do that?” Castiel asks him.

“What’d I do?”

“You always say exactly the right thing,” Castiel elaborates.

Dean chuckles. “I’m glad you think so. I’m just bein’ myself.”

Castiel smiles again and then they both turn their attention to the menus in front of them. They’re still deep in discussion when the waitress comes back with their beer, and Dean tells her they’re not ready to order yet.

“I still can’t _believe_ you’ve never had spinach dip,” Dean says to Castiel.

“It has spinach in it! Why would I eat that?”

“The spinach doesn’t taste like anything!” Dean insists. “It’s creamy, cheesy goodness.”

“I don’t believe you,” Castiel laughs.

Dean’s jaw drops. “You callin’ me a liar?”

Castiel shrugs good naturedly. “I don’t doubt that _you_ think it’s creamy, cheesy goodness, I just doubt that I’ll agree with that.”

“Well, now you’ve gone and done it. I’m obviously ordering that so that I can prove you wrong.”

“I’m not eating any of it,” Castiel tells him.

“You will try it, and you will like it!” Dean fake-threatens him.  

“Oh yeah? What’s in it for me?” Castiel asks.

Dean grins and raises his eyebrows. “You name it, you got it, baby.”

“You are such a flirt,” Castiel replies, blushing again.

“Mmhm. I’m kinda crazy about you, remember? I’m supposed to flirt.”

Castiel tilts his head back and lets out a frustrated sigh. “How do you _do that_ to me!? You make me feel all… mushy inside when you say stuff like that. It’s embarrassing! It makes me feel like I’m a teenager or something,” Castiel says, laughing at himself.

“Holy shit, really? I thought it was only me.” Castiel tilts his head like he doesn’t believe him. “You know how many times I’ve thought about actual butterflies in my stomach up until two weeks ago? Zero. Now? Every time you look up at me through those stupidly long eyelashes of yours,” Dean confesses. “Everytime you touch me. And every time you kiss me.”

“Dean,” Castiel says softly.

And Cas leans in to kiss him right there in the restaurant. He can taste the beer on his lips, and now that they’re closer, he can smell something spicy on Cas’s skin that isn’t usually there, and he has to concentrate so that he doesn’t start lapping it up the way he wants to. When Castiel breaks away, Dean nuzzles forwards against his cheek, purposely taking in an obvious smell of his cheek.

“Smell good enough to eat, there Cas. Wear something nice for me tonight?”

“I may have,” Castiel answers.

“God you’re adorable,” Dean praises him.

“Stop it!” Castiel says, a small laugh bubbling out of him, causing one of those super cute smiles of his with the eye crinkles.

Dean has to look back down at the menu for fear of looking like the heart eye emoji. “Okay, so I’m gonna get the spinach dip, what are you gonna get?”

“How do you feel about the bacon wrapped steak bites?” Castiel asks.

“Pretty fucking fantastic,” Dean answers quickly and Castiel huffs out a laugh. “No pressure though.”

“That was my first choice anyway. It’s just a bonus that you reacted to them so strongly.”

“Steak? Good. Bacon? Good,” Dean says, doing his best Joey impression from _Friends_.

Castiel tilts his head. “Are you trying to be a caveman?”

Dean snorts. “No, dude. Joey from Friends? When Rachel screws up the trifle?”

Castiel shrugs his shoulders. “I didn’t get a chance to watch _Friends_ growing up. My parents thought they all lived in sin for engaging in premarital sex so frequently.”

“Wow. I can't believe you could’ve been watching _Friends_ all this time and you’re watching the freaking _Gilmore Girls_ instead,” Dean berates him.

“Lorelai Gilmore is funny! I relate to her relationship with her mom and being a young single parent,” Castiel defends.

“ _Luke_ is the funny one.”

“Luke is only there for comedic relief. He has to be funny,” Castiel replies.

“So? What’s wrong with purposely funny? Half the shit I say is meant to be funny.”

“But you actually are funny,” Castiel responds. “Luke just thinks he’s funny.”

Dean takes a swig of his beer. “Ya know, I think I like you a little less for that.”

Castiel laughs. “It’s like that, is it?”

Dean’s pleased he can take a joke. “Guess you’re gonna have to be on your A Game to get me to be all crazy about you again.”

“I thought I just had to do this?” Castiel looks down at his knees and then peeks up at Dean through his eyelashes, smiling shyly.

Dean opens his mouth wide in surprise and even gives Castiel a little shove when it all clicks together. “You sneaky son of a bitch! Do you pull that shit on me on purpose?” Dean asks, laughing.

Castiel joins in his laughter and shakes his head. “Not most of the time.”

“Most of the time!?” Dean repeats, scandalized. “I can’t believe you were playing the sweet and innocent act on me and it was fucking working! You… you… “ Dean grasps for the right word. “... dog!”

Castiel throws his head back and laughs in a way Dean has never seen him laugh before and something clenches in Dean’s chest at the sight. “Tell me when you did it on purpose!” Dean demands.

“No!” Castiel says, still laughing. “I refuse to tell you my seductive secrets.”

Dean is still shaking his head at him. “I can’t believe I underestimated you, you little shit.”

“Oh sure,” Castiel chuckles. “You can wink at me and leave way too many buttons open on your shirt and drive sexy cars but I can’t bat my eyelashes a little bit? That’s hardly fair!”

“ _My mom_ unbuttoned my shirt, thank you very much.”

“Well that’s kind of creepy,” Castiel replies.

Dean snorts and bumps Castiel’s shoulder with his. “That’s what I said!”

“Well you two look like you’re hitting it off,” the waitress says as she walks over.

“Please. I just found out he’s been trying to seduce me for the last two weeks,” Dean says, and Castiel buries his face in his hands, clearly embarrassed. Dean’s immature enough to think that’s funny.  

“He’s cute. Why is that a bad thing?”

“Hey! He’s sneaky, but he’s mine. Back off,” he says, but he winks so she knows he’s joking.

“Noted,” she says with a laugh. “Have you decided on something to eat or are you just sticking with the beer?”

“No, we worked it out before I found out about his betrayal.” He hears Castiel snort beside him and likes him a little bit more for it. “We’re gonna have the spinach dip and the steak skewers.”

“Sounds great. Soft or hard chips with the dip?”

“I usually like it hard, but when it comes to spinach dip, I gotta go soft. Please,” Dean adds, smirking at her.

The waitress rolls her eyes so he knows she picked up on the joke. “You’re trouble, aren’t you?”

“It’s been said,” Dean agrees.

“It won’t be too long. And blue eyes? Keep an eye on this one for me, would you?” she says over her shoulder.

He glances over at Cas to share a smile with him and is absolutely shocked to see his shoulders slumped and his head hanging sadly.

“Hey, what’s up?” Dean asks quietly.

“Nothing,” Castiel answers.

“Yeah, like I believe that. I thought we were having a good time but now it looks like somebody kicked your puppy. What’s the matter?” Dean asks again.

“It’s nothing. I’m being ridiculous.”

“How ‘bout you let me be the judge of that?” Dean tries, draping his arm around his shoulders. “Come on, Cas, talk to me.”

“You were flirting with that waitress,” Castiel says so quietly it’s almost a whisper.

“What!? No I wasn’t! I made a freakin’ gay joke! I told her to back off and not to call you cute because you’re mine!”

Castiel nods his head. “Okay, so then she was flirting with you.”

“Irrelevant,” Dean replies and Castiel frowns. Okay, maybe not for him, Dean realizes quickly. “I’m sorry. Maybe she was a little flirty when she said I was trouble, but she’s probably just tryin’ to get a tip. It’s gotta be pretty freakin’ obvious I’m gay. Not like I hid it from her or anything.”

“You said you like girls sometimes,” Castiel reminds him.

“Hardly ever. And not right now. Right now I only like you. I don’t want anybody else. I just finished telling you how crazy I am about you, Cas. I was having the best date of my life with _you_ until two minutes ago,” Dean tells him.

Castiel runs his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry. You’re being so sweet and funny, and I was having a good time, too. I just… a lot of the time I think you’re going to see somebody else and like them more. I saw her looking at you like that and immediately thought…”

“Hey,” Dean cuts him off. He places his palm on his cheek and forces him to look at him. “I know you’ve been hurt, Cas. Bad. I get it. I’m not mad at you or upset or anything like that. I just don’t know what else I can do to show you how into you I am. Tell me how to help. Anything, I swear.”

Castiel closes his eyes and leans forward so their foreheads are touching. “It’s not you. It’s me. My self esteem is absolute shit,” he confesses.

“Honey, no,” Dean says, his heart breaking for him. “You have no idea how much I hate those smarmy fuckers for hurting you like this. Just… just talk to me when I do somethin’ to make you feel like this, okay? If you give me a chance I’ll do whatever I can to turn it around. I wanna help you see yourself how I see you.”

Castiel sits up straight again. He still looks sad, but almost hopeful, like he’s dying to know exactly how Dean sees him, so Dean kisses his forehead and lets it all out.

“I look at you and I don’t really get how you can be hot as fuck and so adorable you make my heart melt at the same time, but you do. I think you’re really funny when you let yourself be silly, and I think you’re brainiac-level smart for knowing a little bit about everything. I like how you can take a joke without being all butt-hurt about it and can go toe-to-toe with me using sexual innuendos while playing Battleship. I think you’re cool for liking rock music and Pearl Jam and humming Live to your baby in the middle of the night. And you’re one of the best dads to their little girl that I’ve ever seen. A part of me feels like I’ve been looking for somebody just like you forever, and it fucking kills me that you don’t see what I see.”

“Dean,” Castiel breathes. “Nobody… nobody’s ever said anything like that to me before. Nobody’s ever thought I was funny or cool or smart, or even said that I’m a good father. Thank you. Thank you _so much_.”

“It’s true, and I’ll tell you everyday if it’ll help,” Dean promises. “I know I can’t just magically make you see yourself the way I see you, but do you at least believe that I think that?”

Castiel closes his eyes but nods slowly. “I don’t necessarily understand it, but I don’t think you’re lying.”

“Well, that’s somethin’ at least,” Dean says softly, trying to lighten the mood a little.

“I’m so sorry, Dean. I’m sorry for ruining our date,” Castiel says sadly.

“Hey, no,” Dean disagrees. “The date’s not ruined. We don’t even have our food yet. Just think of the positive side.”

“The positive side to me overreacting?”

“You didn’t overreact,” Dean corrects him, giving his shoulder a squeeze the best he can with his splint. “The positive side is that we can go from laughing and teasing each other to having a serious conversation and back to having fun again in minutes. I’ve never been able to talk to somebody like I can with you.”

“Yes, that’s true. It’s still not easy to talk about my insecurities, but you make me feel like I can talk about it without judgement,” Castiel agrees.

“‘Cause you can. There’d have to be something pretty fuckin’ weird to come up to make me stop liking you at this point,” Dean tells him. “Plus, another positive side is I got an excuse to put my arm around you and keep you nice and close where I like you best.”

Castiel rests his head on Dean’s shoulder. “You don’t know how nice it is for me to be close to you like this. That you bought me flowers and opened the car door. That I know you’re going to insist on paying for our drinks and food tonight no matter how many times I offer.”

“Damn right I’m paying,” Dean agrees.

“I’ve never had anybody treat me so well before. I really do feel like you’re sweeping me off of my feet,” Castiel confesses.

Dean feels those butterflies in his stomach again. “Except for when the waitress flirts with me,” he says.

Castiel lets out a small huff of laughter. “Even then. I can’t say I can knock her taste.”

“Too bad I’m happily taken.”

“I like the sounds of that.”

“Good. I’m not going anywhere. I still have three more weeks in this damn splint after all,” Dean smiles.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, I can’t put the moves on you ‘til I have my good hand workin’,” Dean explains. “And you better not break up with me before that!”

Castiel chuckles. “It’s nice to have a goal to work towards.”

“Believe me, I am counting down the minutes until I have the use of my right hand.” Castiel snorts as he lifts his head off of his shoulder. Dean misses it immediately but also smiles to himself knowing that Castiel must be feeling better. “I didn’t even mean it like that, perv.”

“Sure you didn’t,” Castiel replies easily.

“Well, I mean, I’m not gonna lie and say I’m not looking forward to _that,_ especially with you turning me on all the time, but it’ll also be nice to be able to do everything else normally again, too.”

“I turn you on all the time?” Castiel asks, completely ignoring the rest of what he just said.

“I know you said your self esteem is shit, but come on, Cas. There’s no way you literally don’t feel it whenever we’re close to each other,” Dean laughs. “We can’t even lay down together anymore without making out.”

Which is true. Castiel always suggests they move things into his bedroom after they sit and talk for a bit now, and they wound up falling asleep together almost every night the past week. Castiel hardly wastes anytime before crawling on top of him, and though they still haven’t taken it further than kissing, it’s getting more difficult not to with every night that passes.

“I do like kissing you,” Castiel admits, grinning. “And I _really_ like having you underneath me in my bed.”

“I noticed, and I’m definitely not complaining,” Dean replies. “I don’t think I’ve spent so much time kissing somebody in my life.”

Castiel brings his beer bottle to his mouth, and Dean can’t help but take in the way the long column of his throat moves as he finishes what’s left in the bottle. “Yes, well, if you didn’t keep telling me to slow down before things get interesting we wouldn’t have that problem,” he finally says.

“It’s not _a problem_ ,” Dean disagrees. “And you said you might not be ready for anything for a long time. I’m tryin’ to respect your wishes or whatever. Plus! Hand, remember?”

“I have two perfectly good hands more than capable of picking up the slack.”

“Well forget the food, then. Let’s get the hell outta here,” Dean suggests, joking.

Castiel looks down at the empty beer bottle in his hands and laughs. He’s doing that shy thing again and now Dean’s curious if it’s genuine or not. Either way, he’s still adorable.

“You know you get me going when you look all cute and innocent like that,” Dean teases him.

Castiel looks up to meet his gaze and Dean can see his cheeks are a little pink. “Why is that by the way? You like thinking I’m some blushing virgin or something?”

“I _do_ like when you blush. But no, not into the virgin thing. Kinda the opposite when it comes to you. I guess I like how you seem all shy and then it’s like a switch flips or somethin’ when you kiss me and you get all bossy and take control. It’s fucking _hot_.”

“Ohhhh. So we’re back to the super secret submissive side of you Charlie mentioned?” Castiel asks, smirking.

“Obviously not so secret anymore,” Dean responds dryly. “I still have to kill her for that.”

“I’m only teasing you, Dean. We don’t have to talk about it if it embarrasses you.”

“I’m not embarrassed,” Dean denies, though that’s not entirely true. “It’s just something new for me.”

“You like how I take control,” Castiel says, and it isn’t even asked like a question. It just is.

This time it’s Dean who feels his face turn a little red. “Yeah, kinda.”

“Well, that works out well for me since I like the way you _give me_ control,” Castiel responds, smiling. “You’re bigger than me. Stronger. And I touch you and you just go limp.”

“Most of me anyway,” Dean says with a grin and Castiel laughs.

He sees his eyes flick to something behind him but before he can turn to look, Castiel leans over and captures his lips in a quick but passionate kiss. Dean chases his lips for another little peck, pleased that they got past the seriousness of the earlier conversation. Then he hears the waitress clear her throat.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I’ve got your appetizers,” she says.

Dean looks at Castiel again and sees him actively avoiding eye contact with him, which confirms his suspicions. Cas kissed him in front of the waitress on purpose. Claiming him in some way? He doesn't know why Cas would feel like he needs to do that after he already told the waitress Cas was his, but he isn’t upset about it.

“Who gets what?” she asks.

“We’re sharing, so it doesn’t matter,” Dean answers.

“Ohhh no, no, no!” Castiel interrupts, stopping her in her tracks. “He gets the dip. I’m not eating spinach!”

“Alright, steak for you, spinach for trouble over here,” she says, placing their snacks in front of each of them respectively.

Dean decides to play into Castiel’s possessive thing. “Thanks. Can you get my boyfriend another beer too, please?”

“You got it. Anything else for you?”

“Just a Pepsi is fine for now,” Dean responds.

“I’ll be right back.”

When she turns away Dean looks over at Cas and whispers, “Quick, she’s gone. Wanna give me a hickey before she comes back?”

“W-what?” Castiel answers, obviously shocked.

“You want her to know we’re together, right? That’s why you kissed me as soon as you saw her?” Castiel blushes deeply and Dean feels a little bad for teasing him. “You got a little possessive streak there, Cas?”

“I… haven’t in the past.” He grabs Dean’s beer and drinks from it, which makes Dean smile. It’s cute that he feels comfortable enough to drink from Dean’s bottle and also that he feels like he needs a drink right now. “I suppose you could say that I am feeling that way currently, yes.”

“I thought so,” Dean nods. He takes a pita chip and dips it into the spinach dip before he blows on it and then takes a bite. It’s hot, but like he said to Cas before, creamy, cheesy goodness.

“Is that why you called me your boyfriend?” Castiel asks.

Dean nods again while he chews. “Figured I’d play into it for you.”

“I’m sorry,” Castiel says.

“No complaints on my end. Anytime you wanna kiss me like that feel free,” Dean says with a smile.

“You’re not mad?” Castiel asks.

Dean hates how he seems so nervous about him being mad all the time.

“Nope. We’re together. I don’t mind if you wanna prove it to her or anybody else.” Castiel seems to relax beside him and he decides to try to milk this. “Actually, on second thought, I guess I’m a little miffed.”

Castiel deflates and Dean feels like an asshole. “Dean, I’m sorry.”

“Good news is, I know just the thing for you to make it up to me.” Dean dips a new pita chip into the dip and holds it out to Castiel with a big smile on his face.

Castiel grins and he shakes his head a little bit. “You’re so mean! I felt bad for a second there!”

“Told you I can be a bit of an asshole sometimes. Eat the dip, Cas.”

Castiel frowns but takes it from him. He looks at it like there’s bugs crawling over it. “It looks disgusting.” He sniffs it and makes a slightly surprised face. “Okay, it doesn’t _smell_ like vegetables.”

“I’m telling you. I don’t eat vegetables for fun, Cas. It tastes like dip! Trust me.”

“Ugh,” Castiel sighs. “Now you’re making it seem like if I don’t eat it I don’t trust you!”

Dean just wiggles his eyebrows at him.

“The waitress was right. You _are_ trouble,” Castiel says rather grumpily. He sighs deeply and bites right into the pita chip. Dean watches his face closely, and still, he sees no expression there at all. Castiel chews, swallows, and then grins. “Creamy, cheesy goodness. I concur.”

“Ha!” Dean laughs, rather pleased with himself.

“May I have some more?”

“‘Course you can. What’s mine is yours,” Dean teases.

“You’re such a doting boyfriend,” Castiel tosses back, dipping his half bitten chip back into the dip.

“I can be if you want,” Dean offers.

“Hmm?” Castiel replies.

“Just sayin’. I’m there, you know, whenever you’re ready to take that step. But no pressure.”

Castiel nods. “Would you like a steak bite?”

“Hell yeah I would,” Dean agrees.

He watches as Castiel cuts one in half and then forks half of it and offers the fork to Dean. Dean opens his mouth instead, and Castiel laughs but brings the fork to Dean’s mouth so he can take the bite. Dean wraps his lips around the fork tines and flicks his eyes up to meet Castiel’s through his eyelashes. Castiel visibly inhales and Dean smirks as best he can while he drags his lips off the fork slowly and takes the steak into his mouth.

“Mmmm,” he moans as he chews, deliberately sounding a little porny, and he’d swear he can see Castiel’s eyes darken.

“You… that…” Castiel clears his throat and Dean tries to stifle his laughter but can’t. “I _know_ you did that on purpose, but still…” Castiel looks down at his lap and Dean takes that to mean he’s having some kind of effect on him.

“You’re not the only one who can bat his eyelashes,” Dean reminds him.

“You are far too attractive to do things like that.”

“Hi, pot? Meet kettle,” Dean says. Then he reaches over and takes the fork from Cas and stabs the second half of the steak bite and pops it into his mouth. “These are really good,” he says with his mouth still full.

“I thought you wanted to impress me?” Castiel says, scrunching his nose up at Dean talking with his mouth full.

“I do,” Dean says, still chewing. “Didn’t you just see that fork action?”

“You are incorrigible,” he responds, but he’s smiling. “I just get comfortable and manage to forget that you’re the most attractive person I’ve ever seen in my entire life, and then you go and do something like that and it’s like I can barely even form words again.”

“Oh, come on. It’s just a face, Cas. Everybody has one. Just think about how unattractive I am when I’m talking with my mouth full.”

“That does help, but only for a minute,” Castiel responds.

“Hey look,” Dean says, nodding to the stage in front of them. “Looks like the sax dude is done. They’re setting up for the rock music.”

“The saxophonist was great, it’s just not my kind of music. I’m looking forward to the next part much more.”

“Do you play anything?” Dean asks.

“Me? No. My parents made me take piano lessons when I was younger but I doubt I could play anything now. I noticed you have a guitar in your apartment, though.”

Dean nods. “Yeah, I love playing. When I was a teenager I thought I’d be a rockstar by now,” he grins.

Castiel exhales loudly. “Remembering you in that leather jacket, I can see how that might’ve worked out for you. I can imagine boys and girls alike throwing themselves at you quite easily.”

Dean snorts. “I like playing a lot. I kinda miss it with my hand.”

“Will you play for me some day?” Castiel asks.

“‘Course I will. Nothing woos somebody better than playing a love song.”

Castiel arches his eyebrows. “Is that something you do often?”

“Nah. Back in high school, sure. But not for years. I sometimes play at parties with friends and stuff. It’s lame but playing the guitar outside while sitting around a fire is pretty much my idea of perfect.”

“I’ve never been camping, but it sounds nice if you forget about the bugs,” Castiel adds.

“Wait. You’ve _never_ been camping?” Dean asks incredulously.

“Never. From now on, just assume if it’s something fun, that I’ve never done it.”

“Hey, that’s not true. In about ten minutes, you can say that you’ve seen live rock music,” Dean reminds him.

The waitress comes back with their drinks, and they talk some more while they can. They both know they’ll only have a few more minutes before the entertainment starts, and they turn out to be right.

When the band takes the stage, Dean’s surprised to see four very young looking guys, all with hair down to their shoulders wearing ripped jeans and various rock band t-shirts with their classical instruments in their hands. He exchanges an amused look with Cas and starts to worry about what’s going to happen if these guys are absolute crap.

Thankfully, that isn’t the case. Almost from the very first note, it’s obvious these guys are amazing. Dean and Cas exchange a completely different look when they recognize the first song as Bohemian Rhapsody. Half way through the first song, Dean puts his arm around Cas again and he sees him singing along to the music. Castiel gets excited each time a new song starts, and even though Dean recognizes all of them, Castiel looks over and tells him what it is every time.

Their taste in music obviously lines up. Dean has visions of the two of them in his Baby, Claire in the back seat, music blaring over the speakers and smiles on all three of their faces. He looks over at Cas, smiling to himself, and suddenly he can barely tear his eyes away from Castiel’s face. The lights shining on the stage cast Cas’s face in shadows and he goes a little breathless when he sees how gorgeous his profile is.

He’s brought back to earth when Castiel finishes his beer and Dean offers to go get him another one. He heads to the bathroom first, then swings by the bar to order another Corona. He pulls out his phone to text his mom and check on Claire, and she responds almost right away saying she’s still out cold and hasn’t made a peep. He rolls his sleeves up to just beneath his elbows while he waits for the bartender and immediately feels more comfortable. He grabs Cas’s beer and walks back over to join him back at their booth. Cas still has that big, happy smile on his face, and Dean’s positive he’s never seen anybody or anything so gorgeous in his whole life.

Sliding back in beside him, he can’t resist nuzzling into him. He kisses Cas’s cheek, then behind his ear, and down to his neck, nibbling just a tiny little bit, inhaling the spicy smell of the cologne on his skin and feeling goosebumps spring up beneath his lips. Dean’s smiling as he pulls away, but Castiel pulls him in by the front of his shirt and kisses him.

The scent of Castiel’s cologne is still swirling in his nostrils, and when he feels Cas’s tongue trace the seal of his lips, he opens for him, sinking into the kiss and feeling Castiel taking over his senses one at a time. The beer he can taste on his tongue. The slick slide of Castiel’s tongue massaging his while their lips move together, taking turns pressing softly and taking greedily. He can feel Castiel’s fingers tighten on the front of his shirt, pulling him closer, eliminating the tiniest bit of space left between them. He immediately feels the warmth of Cas’s body pressed against his side and wants _more_. He brings his left hand up to slide across his cheek and bury his fingers in his soft hair, letting out a soft moan when Castiel sucks his bottom lip into his mouth and then pulls it between his teeth.

Castiel ends it after one last, drawn out kiss, but their faces stay close. They’re both breathing hard, trying to force down their arousal, and in Dean’s case, trying not to drown in those beautiful blue eyes heavily lidded with desire.

Castiel leans in to talk directly into Dean’s ear. “I’m having a really good time.”

His deep voice sends additional desire swirling in his stomach. Castiel backs away to make eye contact and he can see now that Cas is smiling wide. Cas looks happy and carefree, and he realizes he loves to see him this way.

“Me, too,” Dean mouths and leans in for one more quick kiss.

A new song starts up and Castiel looks over, excited all over again. “Sweet Child of Mine!” Dean nods, also recognizing it. He hears the lyrics in his head and smiles.

 _She's got eyes of the bluest skies_  
_As if they thought of rain_  
_I'd hate to look into those eyes_  
_And see an ounce of pain_  
  
_Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place_  
_Where as a child I'd hide_  
_And pray for the thunder and the rain_ _  
To quietly pass me by_

“Kinda reminds me of Claire,” he says into Castiel’s ear.

Castiel nods. “Me, too,” he mouths back. Then his face falls. “I should check in on her.”

Dean holds up a finger, gets his phone out of his pocket and opens his texts with his mom to show Cas. Castiel reads them quickly and nods, leaning in to kiss Dean again. “Thank you.”

The music keeps playing, and a little while later Dean catches the eye of the waitress and wiggles Castiel’s empty beer bottle. She nods and comes back with a fourth beer for him only minutes later, and a refill of Dean’s Pepsi, too.

As the beer disappears, apparently, so do any of Castiel’s remaining inhibitions about public displays of affection. He doesn’t stop touching Dean for a single second. He kisses him time and time again - sometimes soft and sweet, and sometimes with so much heat behind it Dean considers crawling right into his lap - he whispers into his ear, nuzzles into his neck the same way he did to him earlier, squeezes his knee when he’s happy about a song, mouths lyrics to him, and his wandering hand is constantly drifting so close to his crotch that Dean’s been half hard with anticipation for what feels like ever. Castiel is obviously having fun though, and he sure as hell doesn’t mind the attention, so he just lets him do whatever he wants. He deserves a night out like this and Dean’s more than happy to give it to him.

When it gets close to eleven, he asks Cas if he wants another beer, and Cas says he’s done for the night. He ended up putting back five and Dean can tell he’s at least tipsy and wonders what it’s gonna be like when he gets him on his feet.

Dean goes to take care of the bill and then comes back again to sit with Cas. Castiel leans over and asks into his ear, “What time is it?”

“Almost eleven,” Dean responds, and Castiel’s jaw drops.

“We should go.”

Dean shrugs. “Claire’s still asleep. I checked. Mom said she’s fine, too, and to stay and have fun.”

“Maybe a few more songs,” Castiel says, the question in his eyes.

As if Dean could deny him anything when his cheeks are flushed like this and his eyes are bright with hope.

“‘Course, Cas. Anything you want.”

A few more songs ends up taking them right to the end of their set, and it’s 11:30 before they make their way back to Dean’s car. As Dean suspected, Castiel is obviously feeling pretty good. He’s laughing in a way Dean would usually describe as giggling, except his voice is so low he can’t really bring himself to think of it like that.

“I’m a little tipsy,” Castiel confesses as they walk through the parking lot towards the Impala.

“I noticed,” Dean responds, grinning. “You’re cute like this.”

“I’m horny, is what I am,” Castiel declares, and Dean snickers.

“Gee, I never would’ve guessed based on the way you can’t keep your hands off of me tonight.”

Dean pulls his car keys out of his jacket and the next thing he knows, Cas grabs him by the shoulders, spins him around, and pushes him backwards until his back is pressed up against the car. He feels his stomach flip with excitement at just how easily Cas was able to manhandle him and files that away to think about later.

“Woah, woah, woah,” Dean says, trying to stop him before things get out of hand, but Castiel moves in like a lion on a hunt. He steps into the space between Dean’s legs and latches onto his neck, sucking hard for a split second before he drags his lips down to the vee of skin exposed by his open shirt. Dean has a vague thought that he should probably stop him, but then Castiel’s hands are moving up and across his chest, his thumbs graze his nipples sending arousal coursing through his body, and all coherent thought leaves his mind.

When he feels the bulge of Cas’s growing erection brush his, he can’t swallow down his moan, and then Castiel is moving against him, thrusting his hips forward and up. Dean knows they can’t do this here, that he has to stop. He opens his mouth to protest, and like Cas knows what he’s about to say, his hands slide down to his ass, and he grips his ass cheeks tight. Dean’s head falls back in pleasure before Cas pulls him in, rocking their half-hard cocks together in a perfect rhythm and making Dean completely lose his mind.

“Dean,” Castiel rasps, his voice rough as sandpaper, sending an additional jolt of arousal to his cock even as Cas continues trailing his hot mouth up to kiss the sensitive skin under Dean’s chin.

Dean lets out one final needy little sound before he gets his good hand between them and pushes him away a little bit, at least forcing his mouth away from his skin. “Okay, hot stuff, calm down.”

Castiel groans in frustration and squeezes his ass again. “I want you,” Castiel says on half a whine.

“I’m getting that, believe me. But we’re not doin’ this in a parking lot. Let me take you home, okay?”

“Mmm, yes. Home. Me and you in my bed.”

Dean snorts, and manages to get away from Castiel’s wandering hands and walks him around to the passenger side of the car to open the door for him and urge him inside. Once the door is closed again Dean takes a second to take in a few deep breaths of non-Cas scented air. The guy’s gonna be the death of him. He hasn’t been able to touch himself in more than a week (though he _tried_ with his left hand to no avail), and he’s probably been hard a dozen times between now and then, and Cas dry humping him with his hands all over him has a little more worked up than he’d like to be right now. He adjusts himself in his pants the best he can with his good hand and then walks back around and gets in the car.

Dean listens to Castiel babble most of the way home. He talks about the music, the bar, the beer, the food, and how much fun he had. Dean can’t wipe the smile off of his face. Seeing Cas as happy as he is makes him ridiculously happy, too.

As they walk back to Castiel’s apartment, Castiel says, “You shouldn’t even be allowed to wear that coat in public.”

“I thought you said you liked my coat?”

“I do. But you wearing it is even hotter than porn,” Castiel explains, and Dean laughs.

“I should be recording this,” Dean answers, mostly to himself. “When’s the last time you drank this much?”

“Years ago. Didn’t think I’d get to for another few years, either. Feels pretty good to let loose for once.”

“You’re adorable. All smiley, and pink-cheeked and laughy,” Dean tells him with a smile.

“You always think I’m adorable,” Castiel replies.

“You’re not wrong.”

“You’re a really, really nice guy, Dean,” Castiel declares suddenly.

Dean chuckles a little bit. Apparently Cas is a sappy drunk. “Yeah, well, I do like you, you know.”

“I like you, too. So much,” Castiel answers.

Dean feels those butterflies in his stomach again, and pulls Cas closer so he can put his arm around him while they walk the last few steps to Castiel’s apartment. The door’s locked, so Castiel takes out his key to open it. Dean’s surprised how steady he is with the key and lock. Maybe he’s not as drunk as he thinks he is?

They walk into the apartment and see his mom curled up on the couch with a blanket over her and the lights out. She’s just sitting up, but it’s obvious she’d been sleeping.

“Hi, guys. Did you have a nice time?” she asks, getting to her feet and folding the blanket.

“We had a wonderful time,” Castiel answers. “No trouble from Claire?”

“Not a peep!” Mary answers.

“Sorry we kept you out so late, ma. Cas is a bit of a party animal once you get him started, apparently,” he teases.

“Don’t you worry about that. I told you to have fun, and I’m glad you did. Whether I’m sleeping on Castiel’s couch or sleeping at home, I’m still sleeping after all. I’ll see both of you boys tomorrow for dinner, right?” Mary asks Castiel.

“What can I bring?” Castiel asks.

“Your adorable little girl, and my son.”

“I can do both. Thank you again. I can’t tell you how nice it was to get out like this,” Castiel says again.

“Anytime. And I mean that.” She walks over to Dean and gets up on her tippy toes to kiss him on the cheek. “See you tomorrow, sweetie.”

“Thanks, ma,” Dean replies.

Then she leaves and he and Castiel are alone again.

“Are you going to stay over?” Castiel asks him.

“Pretty sure you and me in your bed is a terrible idea when you just got that handsy with me up against my car,” Dean replies.

Castiel takes a predatory step towards him. “I want you.”

Dean takes another deep breath hoping it will calm some of the flames inside of him. “I want you, too. You have no idea how bad I want you. But not when you’re drunk.”

“I’m not _drunk_ ,” Castiel denies. “I’m feeling pretty good, but I’m not drunk.”

“Funnily enough, that’s exactly what most drunk people say.”

Castiel rolls his eyes at him. “Do you really think I’d come home to my daughter and allow the only person responsible for her well-being to be incapable of taking care of her?”

“Well, no, now that you put it that way,” Dean says. “I just thought since you were, you know, bein’ a little forward that it was the alcohol talking.”

“It wasn’t.” Castiel takes another few steps towards him until he has a single finger dancing along the bare skin at the collar of his shirt. “I care about you very much. I’m extremely attracted to you, and I’ve wanted to get my hands on you since before I knew what a good person you are. I just had the opportunity earlier and took it. Which I would also like to continue doing in my bedroom,” Castiel replies.

“I dunno, Cas. Still feel kinda weird about, ya know, _doing stuff_ when you’ve had some drinks. You said before that -”

“That I _may not_ be ready for a long time. I didn’t know that we’d have this connection between us so quickly. And, um, to be absolutely clear, I’m not ready to have sex, but I am ready to fall asleep with you beside me _without_ waiting for my erection to go away first.”

“Oh,” Dean responds stupidly.

“I just want to be with you. To really touch you. If you... also want that.”

Castiel suddenly sounds a little shy and unsure, as if he thinks Dean’s going to turn him down.

“We can go get ready for bed,” Dean relents, and silently hopes he doesn’t regret not being able to say no to him tomorrow.


	10. Chapter 10

Like the last couple of times Dean stayed over, Castiel gets him some pajamas, and they take turns brushing their teeth and using the bathroom. When Dean comes out of the bathroom his stomach is twisting with nerves, and Castiel is pacing back and forth by the foot of the bed instead of laying in it.

He barely has the door closed behind him before Cas is in his space, running his hands quickly up his chest before he frames his face and pulls Dean’s lips down to meet his in a passionate kiss. Any resistance he was hoping to find flees the moment their lips touch. He can do nothing but kiss him back just as hard, opening his mouth to let his prodding tongue inside, and sliding his own hands around Castiel, pressing his palm to his lower back and pulling him closer.

Castiel breaks the kiss and lowers his hands back down to his chest before his mouth starts what feels like a trail of fire across his face and back behind his ear. Dean makes a soft sound in his throat when Castiel takes his earlobe between his teeth, his body erupting in goosebumps after he feels his hot breath against his ear.

He still doesn’t know if he should do this and he knows he’s losing the battle to ask about it with every second Cas has his lips on him.

“Swear to me it’s not the beer, Cas,” Dean gasps.

“I promise,” Castiel says quietly in response before his mouth goes right back to his neck. He can feel his tongue, hot and wet, sliding down his skin until Castiel stretches the hem of his t-shirt and latches onto his collarbone again.

Dean tries to force his brain to keep working. “I don’t want you to regret this in the morning. I don’t wanna mess this up.”

“Dean,” Castiel says, his voice low and firm. “I want this.” His hand, which had been resting against Dean’s chest, falls between their bodies and cups Dean’s quickly hardening cock in his hand. Dean feels like his knees are going to give out right there and then.

“Fuck, Cas.”

Castiel drags a single finger down his cock overtop of his thin pajama bottoms before he rubs his balls and strokes the length of his shaft from the base to the tip, and it’s like his entire body catches on fire. Castiel takes half a step away, grips the hem of Dean’s t-shirt between his fingers and makes eye contact. “Please, Dean. You can trust me,” Castiel says softly.

He has no will power left.

He can’t look at Cas with those big blue eyes of his shining up at him with _want_ , with his cheeks stained pink, his lips spit slicked and his hands waiting for permission to touch his body and possibly tell him no. He nods, and hopes silently this isn’t the biggest mistake of his entire life.

Castiel pushes the bottom of his t-shirt up and Dean lifts his arms up to help him pull it the rest of the way over his head.

“Oh my god,” Castiel says. “Look at you.” He takes in the sight of Dean’s bare chest with a single sweeping look, and then his hands and his mouth are _everywhere_. Castiel nudges him backwards towards the bed step by step, dragging his hands along his chest, grazing his nipples, then over his shoulders and down his back while his mouth follows the path of his hands. “You’re absolutely gorgeous. All of this skin. I want to taste every inch of you.”

“I want you to,” Dean answers breathlessly, pawing at Castiel’s shirt too. “I wanna see you, too. Help me get your shirt off.”

Dean tries to catch his breath when Castiel’s hands leave his body to pull off his shirt, but once it’s off, his breath leaves him in a whoosh as Castiel pushes him gently down onto the bed, his arm wrapped around his shoulders with one of his hands supporting his neck.

“Head okay?” Castiel checks.

Dean nods again. “Yeah.”

“Move up,” Castiel urges him, and Dean scrambles backwards until his head falls back awkwardly on the mountain of pillows beneath him.

“Stupid fancy pillows,” Dean grumbles. “I told you they were annoying.”

“Stop being such a baby,” Castiel teases him. He leans in to kiss him fast and hard, and starts pulling them out from under Dean one at a time and throwing them onto the floor until they’re all gone and Dean’s flat on his back. Castiel wastes no time situating his body between Dean’s legs, slotting their hard cocks together purposely, and even with their pajamas between them it still causes Dean’s jaw to drop. “Better?”

“Just a little bit,” Dean answers breathily, and Castiel laughs before he crushes their lips together again. This time there’s the exquisite press of skin to skin and Dean’s finally able to feel Castiel’s back, strong and corded with muscle, bare beneath his hands. He internally curses how he can’t get purchase on his back with his right hand the way he wants to, and tries to be careful not to ruin the mood by hurting himself while also trying to touch every inch of Cas’s body.

Castiel is the one who starts the rocking, and it’s almost impossible to resist the temptation of friction. As they continue to drive each other crazy with their mouths, giving and taking with each press of their lips, he gives in to roll his hips against Castiel. He follows the rhythm and pace Castiel set, feeling the sexual chemistry grow heavy in the air between them and desire pooling between his legs where his cock is now so far past fully hard it’s actually throbbing.

Castiel breaks away with a groan, propping himself up on his elbows. “God - your hands. You feel so good.”

“You’re amazing,” Dean responds. “Never wanted anybody like I want you.”

“Can I touch you?” Castiel asks him, trailing his hand slowly down his chest.

“You can do anything. Fucking killing me not to be able to touch you how I want to.”

“It’s okay,” Castiel soothes him.

He leans up, anxious to press their lips together again, but Castiel only gives him what he wants for a few seconds before he wiggles downwards and kisses him on the tip of his chin, then leaves open mouth kisses on his skin as he continues down his chest and over to take his nipple into his mouth.

Dean feels a jolt of desire shoot straight to his dick when Castiel closes his teeth around the hard nub and his hips thrust upwards into nothing. He can hear himself whine Cas’s name and his hand finds itself buried in the hair on the back of Castiel’s head, holding him there so he knows not to stop. Castiel’s tongue is circling his nipple, his lips are adding suction, and Dean sighs again. “Castiel. _God_.”

Nobody has ever spent this kind of time with him before. It’s always been a quick blow job or a fast fuck bending somebody over the side of the bed. Impersonal. Nobody’s touched him with care like this or did things only to bring him pleasure, and while he’s drowning in physical gratification, he’s also overcome with emotion.

Castiel’s lips trail down his sternum and to his stomach. It’s is the part of his body he’s most self-conscious about and he feels a bit of panic kick in and his body tense up. This is where the sweets and junk food go. Even after all the exercise he does at work, his stomach has never been flat and toned the way he’d like it to be.

“Okay?” Castiel asks.

“Yeah. Just, uh, not real proud of my stomach.”

Castiel frowns as if he doesn’t understand at all. “I like you exactly the way you are. Everywhere.” He presses another gentle kiss to the softness of his belly. “I’ve never been this attracted to anybody.”

Dean doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say.

Then Castiel slips his fingers under the elastic waistband of his pajama pants and his mind goes blank anyway. “Can I take these off?”

Words fail him. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out. He’s never been lost for words with somebody like this. He nods.

Then Castiel’s mouth goes right back to his stomach and kisses the space between his belly button and his pants, and as he lowers his pants inch by inch, his mouth follows. Castiel flicks his eyes up to meet Dean’s, and seeing his face so close to where his cock is hard and ready for him sends a wave of desire so strong though his entire body he has to look away.

“Lift,” Castiel prompts him.

He follows his command to lift his hips so he can slide his pants down the rest of the way, and then he’s completely bared in front of Castiel, spread out on his back with his cock laying heavy and flushed on his stomach, feeling vulnerable in a way he’s never known until now.

Castiel drops random kisses onto his shins, knee caps, and thighs as his hands skim up his legs and land on his hips. “Your legs are sinful,” Castiel says before Dean feels his mouth hot on his hip bone.

“Spinning,” Dean answers breathily.

“Mmm,” Castiel replies. “I want them wrapped around me.”

Dean’s heart starts beating so fast he doesn’t know how it doesn’t leap right out of his chest. This is new for him. Then Castiel gets to his knees and pulls his own pants down without any warning, and Dean can’t stop the way his eyes drop down to take in the sight of his naked cock for the first time while he pulls his legs out of his pants. He’s cut, not as long as Dean is, but close, and he’s bigger around.

“Like what you see?” Castiel teases, obviously noticing the way Dean’s staring at him.

Dean flushes and hates himself for it. They’re literally about to get each other off, why would be blush for looking at his dick?

“Yeah, I do.” Even he’s surprised by how deep his voice is. “You’re fuckin’ hot, Cas.”

Castiel walks towards him on his knees, then stops to reach into the nightstand beside him and fishes out a bottle of lube, tossing it carelessly beside Dean before positioning himself back between Dean’s legs, holding himself only inches above his body. He leans down to brush their lips together and Dean meets them eagerly, pushing his tongue into Castiel’s mouth and chasing the taste of him.

Castiel lowers his body on top of Dean’s, aligning their cocks and sending sparks shooting through Dean’s body, causing a moan to slip from his throat.

Castiel props himself up on one arm, reaches for the lube and passes it to Dean. Dean flips the top, and Castiel holds out his hand, palm up, obviously wanting Dean to squirt some onto his hand. Dean does.

“Now,” Castiel begins, his voice low. “I believe you recently said something about laying back and enjoying the ride?”

Dean opens his mouth to respond, but then Castiel’s hand is wrapped around his cock, and all that comes out is a desperate sounding, “Aaahh.”

Castiel nuzzles into his neck a lot like he did when they were at Cecil’s. His mouth retraces the spots he’s learned that Dean likes: behind his ear, the side of his neck, over the already tender bruise he sucked onto his collarbone. All while he starts slicking up his cock in long, slow, strokes.

Dean’s drowning from so much stimulation all at once. Castiel’s long, graceful fingers wrapped around his cock, stroking him just right. His mouth, hot and wet on skin, sucking and nibbling and making his nerve endings sing. His body, warm and hard with muscle looming over him, his back still feeling powerful under Dean’s hands.

“You’re so gorgeous, Dean. You don’t know what you do to me. How many times I’ve thought about touching you like this. Tasting you. Learning the things you like and the sounds you’d make,” Castiel says as he nibbles his way back up to his mouth. Every word out of his mouth and every stroke of his hand is bringing Dean closer and closer to the edge.

“Jesus Christ,” Dean’s able to get out.

“I want those legs wrapped around me. I want to feel you come between us with your ass in my hands. Can we do that?”

“Yes,” Dean gasps. Castiel could ask him for the world right now and the answer would be yes.

Castiel takes both of their cocks in his hand, spreading the lube over his own thick length, pressing their soft skin together and stroking them with confidence and ease. Castiel swipes a thumb across the tip of his cock and Dean throws his head back, tightening his hands on Castiel’s back.

“You’re close already, aren’t you?” Castiel asks.

“You try not getting off for a week and a half,” Dean huffs, and Castiel lets out a laugh.

“Can’t relate. Every morning in the shower. Thinking about you,” Castiel whispers, and Dean actually whines. “I barely got a hand on myself before I came all over the place that first morning you were in my bed.”

“Fuck, Cas. Think about you all the time. How you own me every time you kiss me. That fucking hair of yours, and your eyes. How you make me feel.”

Castiel takes his hand away and wipes it on the bed sheets. He props himself up on his elbows again and slides his cock against Dean’s between their bodies, the lubrication helping them move easily together.

“Legs,” Castiel prompts him, and Dean follows his suggestion quickly, hitching his legs up and wrapping one around Castiel’s waist, dragging their bodies closer together and creating additional friction. “Just like that,” Castiel breathes, kissing him quickly. “How do I make you feel?”

“S-so good,” Dean answers as Castiel thrusts against him for the first time, stealing his breath. “So good all the time. Warm and - _fuck_ \- f-fuzzy. Feel so much for you, honey. So much.”

“Mmm. Kiss me,” Castiel asks him, and Dean couldn’t possibly resist him.

Their lips crash together almost painfully, both of them desperately wanting to be closer still. Castiel hikes Dean’s other leg around him and then they’re pressed together as tightly as they can possibly be like this. Castiel’s hands slide down to cup Dean’s ass, and he urges him to rock against him, setting the pace exactly the way he likes it and dragging Dean along for the ride. The slickness between them - their cocks rubbing together and against their stomachs, Castiel’s hands palming his ass, combined with the somehow still intoxicating scent of his cologne and the taste of Castiel’s tongue in his mouth - has Dean climbing towards his orgasm quickly now.

“Cas,” he warns, wrenching his mouth away. “Not gonna last.”

“I don’t care,” Castiel admits, kissing him again. “I want you to feel good. I want to see you come for me.”

“Holy fuck. Mmmf, you’re hot. So, so hot,” Dean moans, finally getting a chance to have his mouth on Castiel’s neck. Castiel turns to the side for him, giving him access, and Dean loses his mind. He sucks and bites, marking him on the base of his neck, _mine, mine, mine,_ running through his head.

“Feels so good, Dean. Your mouth on me’s so good. Don’t stop. Please don’t stop,” Castiel gasps above him.

“M-my mark’s on you,” Dean stutters, kissing over bruise he just made.

“Yours,” Castiel gasps, stealing the words right out of his brain. His fingers tighten on Dean’s ass and his head turns to claim Dean’s mouth in another searing kiss.

Dean calls out, his thrusts speeding up, feeling his release coiling in his stomach with each one, getting closer and closer every second.

“Ah! Fuck, Cas. ‘M gonna - _Cas_ - ”

“ _Yes,”_ Castiel encourages him.

“Oh god, oh god, Cas,” Dean pants as he feels his balls tighten and his body lock up. “Castiel, fuck, fuck, fuck.” His orgasm slams into him brutally hard as the first thick spurt of cum shoots from his cock. “ _Uuugghhh_ ,” he moans, low and loud, and then Castiel’s mouth is on him swallowing the noises he’s making as he comes again and again between them.

“Deeeean,” Castiel says on a low, much quieter moan of his own.

Dean knows he’ll never hear his name sound so good again.

Castiel’s still thrusting against him, wildly now with the added slippery mess of Dean’s cum between them, and then Dean opens his eyes and the breath is knocked out of him when he sees just how beautiful Cas is looming over him. His eyes are closed, his mouth is hanging open, his hair is absolutely everywhere, and he’s _gorgeous_.

That’s what slips out in a breathless whisper. “You’re gorgeous, honey. So fucking gorgeous.”

Castiel drops his forehead down to Dean’s, and Dean lifts his left hand to cup his face before he kisses him again, slow and deep. Castiel whimpers in his throat, and then his mouth drops open, and Dean feels his body tense a split second before he opens his eyes and looks right into Dean’s eyes as he adds his cum to the mess between their bodies.

Dean feels something shift inside his chest, filling him up with warmth, and he has to close his eyes and kiss him through it. His lips, his cheeks, his forehead.

“So gorgeous,” he says again, unable to hold in the words, feeling like his heart’s melting inside of him.

“Oh, Dean,” Castiel breathes, and he feels his breath ghost against his lips before he kisses him one more time, just as soft and slow as Dean did a few minutes ago. Then Castiel collapses on top of him, burying his face into the crook of his neck.

Dean finally lets his legs fall back onto the bed, and he kisses the side of Castiel’s head while he strokes his hand through his soft hair, now dewy with sweat while they both work at getting their breathing back under control.

It’s only a minute or two before Castiel gets back up onto his elbows and smiles at Dean in a sated, completely satisfied kind of way he’s never seen before, and Dean can actually feel his face soften along with the expression in his eyes.

“Shit, Cas,” he says with a satisfied smile of his own.

Castiel laughs a little, looking every bit like the cat that caught the canary. He puts his hand on Dean’s face and Dean’s eyes drift closed when he feels his thumb sweep along his cheekbone. “I knew it was going to be good between us, but that…” Dean opens his eyes again to see Cas shaking his head a little in what Dean assumes is disbelief.

“And that’s without the use of my hands,” Dean reminds him teasingly, which makes Castiel laugh. Good. That was starting to feel like one hell of a heavy moment between them and Dean doesn’t know what to do with that right now.

“I may have been optimistically prepared for the possibility of this and left a towel under the bed before we went out,” Castiel admits, reaching over the side and grabbing it.

“Knew I was a sure thing, huh?” Dean asks.

“I thought my chances were pretty good considering the way you turn to putty every time I kiss you, yes,” Castiel answers. “If I knew you’d be so against it after I drank beer, though, I wouldn’t have had any.”

Dean can’t complain about that now.

Castiel cleans them both up and fetches their pajamas. They get dressed on opposite sides of the bed, sharing shy smiles between them, and then they climb back into bed together.

“Can’t believe you made me put out on the first date,” Dean says as he snuggles into his favorite spot on Castiel’s chest.

Castiel lets out that low not-quite-giggle again and pulls Dean into his arms, stroking his back the way he always does before they fall asleep.

“You know those things you said? About how I make you feel?”

“Yeah,” Dean answers, wondering where this is going.

“You make me feel the same way. Really, really good. Warm, and fuzzy. Butterflies. Respected. Wanted. Safe.” Castiel presses a kiss to the top of Dean’s head. “Hopeful.”

“Good,” Dean says, feeling those butterflies inside him again just hearing Cas talk like this.

“Thank you for taking me out tonight, Dean. It was one of the best nights of my whole life, and I’m really, really glad I got to have my first official date with you.”

“I hope it’s one of many,” Dean responds.

“Me, too.”

“Goodnight, honey,” Dean says.

“Goodnight, Dean. Sweet dreams.”

 

* * *

 

Dean wakes up Sunday morning, still wrapped in Castiel’s arms to a faint voice calling, “Daaaa! Da! Dadadadada.”

He disentangles himself from Castiel’s arms and plants a quick kiss to the side of his head before he slides out of bed carefully, grabs his phone from the charger, and goes to check on Claire. He closes the door behind him and walks into her nursery.

The clock in her room reads 7:38, and he realizes she’s likely up for the day.

“Dee!” Claire calls excitedly when she sees him. She’s bouncing up and down, holding onto the rails of the crib, and Dean smiles down at her.

“Hey, blondie.”

“Da!”

“Dad’s still sleeping. Let’s be really quiet so we don’t wake him up, okay? Let the poor guy sleep for once.” He places his fingers to his lips and says, “Shhhh.”

“Uh!” she demands, just as loud as she was a second ago.

“Shhh,” Dean reminds her. He thinks for a second about how he’s gonna lift her up with one arm, then says, “Put your arms around my neck, okay?” He leans over and shows her what to do. “Hold on tight.” When she seems to follow his directions, he straightens his back out and gets his good hand under her butt… which is when he notices her pajamas are a little damp. Gross.

He’s gonna have to change her diaper.

He looks over at the change table and sees everything laid out on the table.

“Alright blondie, you get to be the guinea pig. We’re gonna change your diaper, okay?” He sits her on the change table and she lays down on her back, obviously used to this. It’s been a couple of years since he’s changed a diaper, and he’s never changed a girl’s in his whole life, so he’s just gonna have to wing it.

“Stay super still for me okay, ‘cause I have no idea what I’m doin’ here,” he admits. Claire looks up at him with wide eyes and he gets the feeling she thinks this is as strange as he does.

He pulls the zipper of her little sleeper down and gets her arms and legs out of it, then he tosses it on the floor to get it out of the way. Her diaper is definitely wet, bulging around her little bottom.

“If there’s poop in there we are both in so much trouble. Please only be pee. Please only be pee. Please only be pee,” he repeats to himself as he pulls the little tabs off one at a time. “And don’t pee on me!” he tells her, poking her in the belly, remembering how many times he’s seen Bentley pee on Sam and Jess. She giggles. “I mean it, you little monster!”

He pulls down the front of the diaper and lets out a sigh of relief. Just pee. Thank you, universe! He moves the diaper out of the way, grabs a wipe and then hesitates. He can wipe her, right? He’s cleaned Bentley… but he’s family. But his mom changes Claire’s diapers and she’s not family. It’s not weird because she’s a baby… right? Last night Cas said he makes him feel safe. He takes a chance and chooses to believe that if Cas trusts him enough to get naked and let him stay over, he’d trust him enough to change Claire’s diaper.

He looks down at Claire and says, “Don’t make this weird. Just gonna freshen you up with a little wipe,” he warns her, then gives her a quick clean up. She squirms a little and Dean realizes it’s probably cold on her tush.

He wraps up the wipe in the diaper and tosses it in the Diaper Genie next to the table, then grabs a new diaper and opens it up. He looks at it, turning it over and over, trying to see which way is the front and which way is the back, and notices belatedly there’s Elmo on it.

“You have Elmo on your diapers?” he asks.

 _Milk,_ Claire signs.

“Yep. Milk. Right after we get you un-naked,” he promises.

He realizes the tabby things pull around to the front of the diaper, so turns it the right away, and then lifts Claire by her legs so her butt’s in the air and he can get the diaper under her. She lays her legs back down on the change table, and Dean brings the front of the diaper up to cover her. He gets the left tab on easily, but struggles with his right hand. He also doesn’t know how tight to make it. He figures everything’s gonna stay in the diaper either way, so he leaves enough breathing room so it isn’t too tight and it doesn’t end up hurting her.

He looks down at his handy work and thinks it looks pretty damn good. He grabs the sleeper Cas set out for her last night and gets it on her little body, tickling her armpits and her tummy to distract her when she starts signing for milk again.

“I hear you. You know the sign for coffee? ‘Cause I could go for some of that,” he asks, knowing she doesn’t know what he’s saying. “Can you stand up on here? Get up on your feet,” he prompts. She does, with his hands steadying her, and then he bends over again and asks her to put her arms around his neck.

He sees 8:00 on the clock in her room and shakes his head at himself. Cas changed her diapers and pajamas in about four minutes when he was here last week. He’s obviously got some work to do.

He carries her out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, turning lights on as he goes. He lowers her to the ground carefully and opens the fridge where he knows Claire’s milk cup will be. He grabs it and hands it to her, then turns to find the coffee maker.

He hears a thud and looks to see Claire’s milk cup on the floor.

 _Milk,_ Claire signs to him.

“You just threw your milk on the floor, ya weirdo,” he says, but bends over to pick it up and hands it back to her. “Here.”

She looks at him kinda funny, but takes another drink and then makes a disgusted expression and throws it on the floor again.

_Milk! Please. Milk!_

What the hell?

“I gave you your milk twice, silly. Is it bad or something?”

Claire bends over and picks up the cup. “Uh!” she says to Dean.

He leans over to pick her up and gets smacked in the back of the head with her milk cup when her arms go around his neck.

“Ow,” he complains, quickly running out of patience. He _really_ needs some damn coffee.

Then Claire’s hand lifts up and points to the microwave.

Oh shit.

“Was I supposed to heat up your milk, Claire?”

She reaches towards it with her cup and Dean takes that as a yes. He sits her on the counter, unscrews the lid, and opens the microwave.

Claire claps her hands in excitement and Dean figures he’s on the right track. “Aw, I’m sorry sweetie. No wonder you didn’t like it cold.”

How hot should it be though?

He goes for ten seconds, sticks his finger in the milk once it’s done to make sure he’s not gonna burn her, and screws the lid back on to hand the cup back to Claire. It’s more like room temperature than actually hot, but at least it’s not cold.

“How’s this?”

Claire takes a drink and doesn’t throw the cup, so he’s gonna take that as a win.

“Okay, you go drink your milk and I’ll make some coffee.” He puts her back down on the floor and locates the coffee maker. He opens cupboards until he finds some K-cups and mugs, chooses one of each, and gets the machine going with a press of a button.

Less than a minute later he’s got a mug of coffee, has added his cream and sugar, and wonders why he never bought a Keurig.

He brings it into the living room and sits on the couch to drink it while Claire drinks her milk. He can feel himself slowly waking up as the caffeine hits his system, and once Claire’s cup hits the floor again (and _that’s_ getting old fast) she comes over and signs _eat_.

“Seriously? You _just_ finished your milk. I’m not even done my coffee,” he grumbles, but gets back up to his feet once he puts his mug down on the coffee table. “You like pancakes? Everybody likes pancakes, right?”

Claire follows him into the kitchen and Dean digs around until he finds the ingredients he needs and a frying pan. He tosses some plastic bowls, a spatula, a wooden spoon and a colander onto the floor to keep Claire busy after she tries to pull every damn thing out of the cupboards, then starts mixing the ingredients into a bowl.

He’s sure it hasn’t even been two minutes when he feels a tug on his pant leg and looks down to see Claire sign _eat_.

“I know you’re hungry. Eat. Dean’s making pancakes, see?” He points to the bowl and Claire signs _eat_ again. “Five minutes,” he promises.

 _Eat!_ Claire signs again, and then she crumples to the floor and starts crying.

Sheesh. Apparently the kid wakes up dramatic _and_ starving. He looks around to see if there’s anything he can give her quickly to quiet her down so she doesn’t wake up Cas and sees a bunch of bananas.

“Hey, munchkin. Do you like bananas?” He holds them up for her to see and she gets to her feet and reaches for them. “Alright, banana it is.” He peels one and tears a hunk off and hands it to her. “Banana,” he says again.

She sits right back on the floor and eats, so he goes back to making breakfast. He heats up the pan and stirs water into the mix, making sure the batter stays nice and fluffy the way he likes it best.

“Dee!” Claire says. _More_.

“More banana?” Dean asks, and Claire signs _yes._ He tears off another piece. _“_ Hey, what does a monkey say?” _More_. “Nope. It’s ooh-ooh-ah-ah,” he tells her, miming scratching his armpits and then laughing at the look of confusion on her face. “I'm a monkey. Monkeys eat bananas. See?” He does it again. “Ooh-ooh-ah-ah! Ooh-ooh-ah-ah!” She’s still looking at him blankly. “Fine. Take all the fun outta it why don’t you. Eat your banana,” he says before he hands it to her and she walks back out to the living room.

The pan’s heated up now so he pours batter onto it, making dollar pancakes, thinking that will be easier for Claire to eat. He’s just finishing up pouring them all on the pan when he hears a heavy clunk and a splash.

He takes the pan off of the heat and runs into the living room to see Claire on the floor covered in what was left of his coffee.

“Shit,” he curses. He shouldn’t have left it down where she could get it. Rookie mistake. Thank god it wasn’t still hot. He turns back to the kitchen to grab a roll of paper towels and goes to clean up the mess on the floor and wipe Claire off the best he can.

Claire pulls at her soaking wet sleeper and signs _all done._

“Yeah. You’re gonna need some new clothes already, aren’t you? Let’s go get changed.” He takes her by the hand and leads her into her bedroom again. He opens up the top drawer of her dresser and pulls out the first shirt he sees, which is light pink with a bunch of sheep on it, then opens the next drawer down and finds a little pink pair of leggings.

He takes her sleeper off, pulls on her pants, then fights to get her shirt over her giant head. There’s buttons that go between her legs, and while Dean doesn’t exactly get the point of that, he lays her down and snaps them together. She looks kinda weird to him but he’s no baby clothing expert, so he shrugs it off.

“There you go, sweetie. All better, right? Let’s go finish those pancakes.”

He walks back into the kitchen after picking up the wet paper towels and his coffee mug, and puts the pancakes back on the burner. Claire stays nice and quiet in the living room, probably playing with her toys, Dean thinks, smiling to himself over how much better this seems to be going now. Less than ten minutes later the pancakes are ready. He throws a few on a plate and puts them in the oven on warm for when Cas wakes up, then piles the rest of them all on another plate and slathers them with butter and syrup the way he likes them.

He makes himself another cup of coffee, carries the plate to the table and turns to grab Claire and his mouth drops with a groan of frustration.

He left the fucking paper towels out and Claire’s obviously been working at unrolling the entire roll. They’re all over the living room.

He runs a hand down his face and says, “You’re a pain in the ass, aren’t you?” She claps her hands happily, clearly not concerned in the least. “Alright, we’ll clean that up after breakfast so our food doesn’t get cold. Ready to eat?”

 _Yes!_ she signs excitedly. She drops what’s left of the roll of paper towels and comes over to him. He picks her up with her arms around his neck and puts her in her seat. He buckles her in and puts the tray on, then gives her a single tiny pancake and grabs his coffee from the counter and Claire’s cup of juice out of the fridge.

He sits down and digs in, looking over at Claire every few minutes to keep an eye on her. It’s now after 8:30, and while time’s been flying, he hasn’t accomplished much. He gulps down his coffee as quickly as he possibly can, knowing that he needs to actually finish this cup in order to survive the rest of the day.

“Okay. So, hour one and I’m exhausted,” he confesses.

“Mmmm,” Claire says, stuffing her face with pancake.

“Hey, I am all for shovelling it in as fast as you can, believe me, but take it easy. All I need is for you to choke on my watch.” He reaches over with his fork and splits the next pancake in half, hoping that will help her take smaller bites, which works. They work their way through the stack of tiny pancakes one at a time. Claire presses her hands together and then pulls them apart, over and over between bites. It’s like she’s never had sticky hands before.

“Shit,” Dean says aloud. Maybe the kid’s not supposed to have syrup? It’s basically pure sugar. Cas waters down her 100% pure apple juice for god’s sake.

 _More,_ Claire signs.

“Yeah, I bet you want more. Probably gettin’ you all hyped up on sugar for the first time in your life.” But what’s done is done, he figures, so he tosses her another couple of pancakes. She’s eaten almost as many as he has so far. His mom was right. She really can pack the food away.

He does manage to finish his breakfast and his coffee, which he thinks is a win. Claire seems pretty happy playing in the syrup on her tray and eating a bite here and there, and another half hour passes before Claire starts slamming her cup on the tray again.

“No, Claire,” Dean tells her. “No banging your cup.” She looks at him and bangs it again. “If you bang that again I’m taking it away. Cup all gone,” he warns. They lock eyes for a second and then she puts it down gently and signs _all done_.

“Yeah, you’re not stupid, are you?” Dean asks, amused. “Let’s go get you cleaned up, you sticky monster.” He gets her out of her seat and carries her into the bathroom with his left arm, her body facing away from him because he doesn’t want to get covered in syrup. He washes her hands, only getting himself slightly soaked in the process while trying to keep his splint dry, then they walk back into the living room with Claire holding onto his hand.

Dean runs his hands through his hair again, wondering how one one-year-old could make this much mess while he making pancakes.

“Dean?” Dean hears from behind him.

Dean turns to see Castiel standing in the hallway, looking adorably rumpled from sleep and slightly confused. He feels his heart tumble in his chest just looking at him.

“Morning, sunshine,” Dean says, smiling softly at him.

“Da!” Claire squeals. She runs over to him. “Dadadada,” she repeats as she gets closer. “Uh, Da!”

“Good morning, Claire Bear. Look at you!” he says, laughing a little. He scoops her up and gives her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Is it really after nine?” Castiel asks Dean.

“Yeah, I heard Claire wake up and you were still out of it so I thought I’d let you sleep in.”

Castiel walks over to him and kisses him softly. “Thank you. I don’t even know the last time I slept until eight o’clock, let alone after nine. I feel like a king or some -” then he stops when he looks over Dean’s shoulder. “What happened here?”

Dean turns to see the living room still covered in paper towels and rubs at the back of his neck sheepishly. “Oh. Well, I kinda left the paper towels out after I cleaned up a mess, and while I was making breakfast, Claire, uh…” Dean trails off and gestures to the mess.

There’s a huge smile on Castiel’s face when he replies, “Claire taught you a very important lesson about how much trouble a toddler can cause in a few short minutes?”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it in a nutshell.”

“May I ask why you needed the paper towels at all?” Castiel asks.

Dean feels his cheeks heat. “Nope. Not telling. But can I bribe you with pancakes to make you not ask me again?”

“Pancakes? I don’t even have pancake mix, do I?”

“Pfft. _Pancake mix_. Those of us who wake up before eight o’clock on a Sunday morning make ‘em from scratch, right Claire?”

“Mmmmm,” Claire says, bouncing in Castiel’s arms.

“She’s full of energy this morning, isn’t she?” Castiel comments.

Dean turns around to hide his smile, thinking what Cas doesn’t know won’t hurt him. When it comes to syrup anyway.

“Come on, I’ll get you your pancakes and then I’ll clean this up while you eat,” Dean says, giving him a gentle push through the living room.

“I can help clean up first,” Castiel offers.

“Nope, I got it. This is my penance for being stupid enough to think her being quiet was a good thing.”

Castiel chuckles. “A lesson every parent learns the hard way.” Dean’s heart clenches in his chest at _every parent_ like Cas meant he was one, too. “Not that you’re her parent!” Castiel adds quickly. “That’s not what I meant! I just meant -”

“Relax, honey, it’s okay,” Dean says, swallowing down the ridiculous sense of disappointment inside of him.

“Ugh, ew,” Castiel says suddenly, stopping in his tracks and looking at the bottom of his foot. “What did you give her to eat?”

“Just the pancake, and - ” he winces as he realizes what Cas probably just stepped in. “A banana.”

“Fantastic,” Castiel says dryly.

“I thought she ate it. I swear I wouldn’t have left it on the floor if I knew she didn't eat it.”

“At least there’s lots of paper towels for me to use,” Castiel says, making Dean laugh. He walks on the side of his foot to sit on the couch and grabs a paper towel off the floor to wipe off his foot. “Claire, we don’t put bananas on the floor, okay? Bananas are to eat.”

Claire looks at him, tickles her own ribs and says, “Ooh-ooh-ah-ah! Ooh-ooh-ah-ah!”

Dean snorts and tries not to look as proud as he feels.

Castiel looks between them questioningly but Dean leans over for a high five before he can say anything. “Excellent monkey, Claire. Bananas are for monkeys, am I right? High five!”

She high fives him and then walks away to get her blocks from the corner, making more monkey sounds as she goes.

“Sorry ‘bout the banana,” Dean says to Cas again.

“I can't even complain now. Did you know that animal sounds count as words?”

Dean’s sure the skepticism shows on his face. “Really? That’s weird.”

“But true. I even have paperwork around here somewhere with that on it. Was that the first time she’s done that monkey sound?”

“I dunno. This is the first time I’ve heard it,” Dean tells him.

“So when exactly were you making monkey sounds to her this morning?” Castiel asks, standing and walking over the table, his eyes laughing.

“When I gave her the banana,” Dean answers, grabbing an oven mitt and taking the plate of pancakes out of the oven.

“As you do,” Castiel says sarcastically and Dean just shrugs, unashamed.

“Me and Claire already ate, so these are for you. Want me to get you a cup of coffee before I start cleaning up?”

“No, thank you. You’ve done enough. I’ll get the coffee.”

Dean turns to start with the paper towels when Castiel says, “Dean?” Dean spins back around. “Did you give Claire syrup on her pancakes?”

Dean’s about to deny it when he sees Castiel’s eyes flick to her tray still sitting on the kitchen table covered in syrup.

Dean does his best to look adorable while he shrugs. “I didn’t think about it until it was too late,” he admits. “I’m so sorry, Cas, I should’ve known -”

Castiel laughs and runs a hand through his hair. “It’s alright. I’m sure a little syrup isn’t going to kill her. But in the future, I’d prefer if she didn’t have it.”

“I won’t forget again, I promise.”

Dean turns quickly to start picking up the paper towel before he has to admit to doing something else wrong. He wipes up the banana, gathers the paper towels and shoves them all into the garbage can under the sink. Then he goes and gets Claire’s tray from the kitchen table and washes it off, and brings a hot, soapy cloth over to her chair to wipe that down, too. Now that Cas is there to keep an eye on Claire, he starts working on the kitchen, loading the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, refilling Claire’s juice and milk cups after washing them, too, and finally wiping down the counters.

Cas is finished his pancakes by then, and he meets him in the kitchen just as Dean’s rinsing off the cloth and putting it back where it came from.

Castiel wraps his arms around him from behind and places a line of kisses up the side of his neck and behind his ear. Dean leans into his touch, dropping his head to Castiel’s shoulder behind him and wondering what could possibly be better than this when Castiel turns him around to kiss him. Dean can taste coffee and the sweet syrup on his tongue, and he sinks into it, feeling their morning stubble catching as their mouths move together gently. Castiel brushes their lips together a final time before he rests his forehead against his.

“Thank you. Thank you for letting me sleep in, and cooking breakfast, and getting Claire dressed and fed. Nobody,” he leans in to kiss him chastely, “has ever,” he kisses him again, “helped me like this. And I… I don’t even have words to tell you what it means to me.”

God. He feels so many things swirling inside of him right now. Cas is being sweet and affectionate, and they’re both in pajamas on a Sunday morning trading lazy kisses in the kitchen with Claire in the next room. It’s all so domestic, so fucking perfect, he doesn’t know what to say.

“It was no big deal. I was just hoping you wouldn’t be mad that I was alone with her and had to change her and everything,” Dean admits.

“I’m not mad at all. I trust you, Dean. I trust you with her,” Castiel tells him, and Dean feels the words fill him with hope. He remembers Castiel saying not too long ago, _she’s all I have_ and knows how much Cas’s trust in him means. He feels his throat closing up with emotions and he doesn’t want Cas to know, so he tries to lighten the mood.

“Even if I fucked some shit up,” Dean jokes, leaning back against the counter and putting some space between them.  

“Hmmm. Well, I fucked a lot of shit up over the last year and a half too, believe me. You’ll learn as you go.”

“Claire’s a big help,” Dean answers honestly. “I didn’t know I was supposed to heat up her milk. After she threw it a couple of times, I figured it out once she pointed to the microwave. She’s a smart kid.”

“Too bad she didn’t tell you the diaper shirt goes on _before_ the pants,” Castiel teases him, taking a step towards him.

Dean squints. “The shirt with the buttons on the crotch? The pants go on over that?”

“Yes,” Castiel answers smiling at him, getting right back into his space.

“Good to know. Thought it looked weird.”

“And just for the record, the top drawer of her dresser has her pajamas in it,” Castiel says still smiling, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek again.

Dean thinks back to the shirt with the sheep on it. “I dressed her in a pajama shirt?”

Castiel is kissing down his neck again, but Dean still thinks he can feel his smile on his skin. “Mmmhmm,” he answers.

Dean gives him a little shove to put some space between them again. He stands up straighter, crosses his arms across his chest and sees that he was right and that Castiel is trying not to laugh at him. “You think this is funny, huh?” Dean asks playfully.

“I really do,” Castiel admits, pulling his arms apart and sliding his hands up Dean’s chest and around his neck until their bodies are flush. Castiel looks up at him through his eyelashes and he feels his insides go all soft again. “But I also think you’re adorable, and sweet and kind, and... the best boyfriend I could ask for.”

Dean couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face if he wanted to. “Really?”

“If that’s okay?” Castiel checks, seeming nervous now.

“ _Okay_? Try perfect,” Dean responds eagerly. “I gotta fuck shit up around here more often.”

Castiel leans in and kisses him again softly. “Can I have just one more favor this morning?”

“What’s up?” Dean asks.

“Share a shower with me when Claire’s napping in an hour?”

Dean’s sure his eyes light up. “Well, I’m gonna have to get some clothes, but luckily, I don’t live far away.”

“Lucky is an understatement,” Castiel responds. “Come on, let’s go see what kind of mess she made in the last five minutes.” Castiel takes him by the hand and tugs him out of the kitchen.

Claire’s sitting on the floor working on a shape sorter.

“Oh sure, she sits and plays with her toys nicely now that you’re around,” Dean says bitterly. He and Castiel sit down together on the couch, their hands quickly finding each other.

“There was nothing else for her to get into, that’s why,” Castiel reminds him.

“I gotta remember not to leave stuff down where she can reach it.”

“I had to learn the same lesson. When she first started crawling around I had no idea how much she would manage to get into. I was constantly cleaning things up,” Castiel explains.

He can’t even imagine. “I gotta tell you, Cas, I don’t know how you do this by yourself all the time. I was tired before we were even finished our pancakes.”

“It isn’t as if I have a choice.” Dean feels sadness rush through him and squeezes Castiel’s hand in what he hopes is a comforting gesture. “But I do believe you get used to it.”

“I look forward to it,” Dean says honestly.

“Do you?” Castiel asks.

Dean turns to face him, surprised by the question. “‘Course I do.”

“I know we haven’t known each other long, but if we’re together now… if we’re really doing this…”

“We are,” Dean interrupts. “I’m all in, Cas. For as long as we make each other happy.”

Castiel nods, smiling. “Then you know this is how it’s going to be if we stay together?” he asks, gesturing to Claire playing on the floor. “For years. Changing diapers, wiping noses, never sleeping in, never having a moment of peace and quiet.” Castiel takes a deep breath. “It’s hard, Dean. Being a parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. I… question everything. All the time. I worry if I’m feeding her enough or if she’s getting enough fruit and vegetables. If I’m spending enough time with her. Teaching her the right things. If she’s crying because she’s sick or tired or hungry or thirsty. It’s really, really hard and she’s mine. She came from me. It’s exhausting to take care of her all the time and I _made her_. You… didn’t ask for any of this. For her. You’re just being swept along for the ride because of me.”

Dean shakes his head. Castiel has this all wrong. But Cas holds up a hand and keeps talking. “I don’t want to scare you away, Dean. I really, really don’t. I know we’ve only known each other a few weeks and this is a big conversation to have so soon, but I care about you so much already... and you’ll break my heart if you can’t handle this. I’m not asking you for any big declarations or commitments, I just need to know that you know what you’re getting into before I let you in any further.”

Dean raises their linked hands to his mouth and kisses Castiel on the back of the hand. “I don’t want to say the wrong thing, so just gimme a minute, okay?” Castiel nods, and Dean tries to make his thoughts make sense in his head.

How can he explain that he knew all that going in and that he already knows he can love Claire like she’s his own and how badly he wants that without it freaking Cas out?

“I don’t know how to do half the shit you do with her. I don’t know how to do ponytails or how to change a diaper in less than twenty minutes. Apparently I don’t even know how to put her shirt on right,” Dean says with a laugh, and he gets a small smile back from Castiel, too. “And I know I have no idea how hard it is to do all that stuff and everything else all day every day, over and over. I get that. But I’m pretty sure it’d be a lot easier with two people instead of one, right? And that’s what I want.” Because Cas is still smiling at him, and his eyes have gone from nervous and scared to soft again, he keeps talking. “I want to help you with her, and I want you to show me how to do all the stuff I don’t know how to do so that you can have somebody you can depend on for once. And… I know I’m not Claire’s dad like you are, and I know that I never will be. But I know I can love her, Cas, and I’m kinda hoping I can love you someday, too.” He can feel his cheeks heating up and he really hopes he isn’t coming on too strong or embarrassing himself. “But for now, I’m really freakin’ happy spending Sunday morning together in our pajamas with your baby playing on the floor. Okay?”

Castiel smiles genuinely, and Dean can see a lot of the tension and worry that he was holding in his shoulders disappear along with it. “All of that made me extremely happy, except for one part.” Dean feels his heart drop into his stomach. He immediately wonders what he said wrong and how he’s gonna be able to fix it. “I don’t believe you have to be biologically related to a child in order to be their dad. If I lost that coin toss a few years ago and we used Arthur’s sperm instead of mine, I know I wouldn’t have loved that child any less than I love Claire. I... I hope that if things keep going well between us that you can love Claire like that someday.”

“There’s no doubt in my mind,” Dean says quickly. “I’d already do just about anything for her. I was just doin’ that thing again. You know, where I wonder how much I’m allowed to say about what I’m feeling without scaring you away.”

“If we can have this conversation already without either of us feeling like we’re going to throw up, then I think we can share pretty much anything,” Castiel says with a small smile.

“You _don’t_ feel like you’re gonna throw up?” Dean teases and Castiel laughs, somewhat nervously.

“Maybe just a little,” he admits, and he rearranges himself to sling his arm around Dean’s shoulder. Dean cuddles into him happily, taking the comfort he’s offering him and letting it soothe his still raw nerves. “You are extremely easy to talk to, though. It’s hard trying to figure out how soon is too soon to bring this kind of thing up, while also not wanting to leave it too late and risk getting my heart broken.”

“I’m not gonna break your heart, honey,” Dean promises.

“I hope that’s true,” Castiel responds. “And I like when you call me that,” he admits in the next breath.

“Honey?”

“Yes. It reminds me of bees,” Castiel explains, and even though Dean can’t see his face, he can tell by the sound of his voice that he’s smiling.

Dean chuckles. “You smell like honey. Think that’s why I thought of it for you.”

Claire has apparently tired of her shape sorter, because she gets up off the floor and makes her way over to them. Dean sees what looks like a wet spot on the floor where she was sitting and is wondering where that could have came from when Castiel asks, “Dean? How confident are you with how you put her diaper on?”

Dean sits up straight, his eyes a little wide. “A lot less right now than I was five minutes ago,” he answers.

“I think she might’ve peed through her diaper,” Castiel says.

Dean’s pretty sure he already knows the answer to this, but he asks anyway. “That doesn’t usually happen, right?”

Castiel chuckles. “No, not usually.”

“Man, I’m striking out big time today,” Dean sighs unhappily. “Tryin’ to help you and making more work for both of us.”

Castiel leans over to kiss him and squeezes his thigh reassuringly. “But I love that you’re trying. Come on. Let’s go to her room and I’ll give you a crash course on diaper changing, and then we can give Claire a bath to clean up so she’s nice and fresh for Winchester family dinner tonight.”

They both get to their feet, each holding one of Claire’s hands, when a thought suddenly occurs to him. “Just for the record, even after this little how-to class, I’m still not changing poop if I don’t have to.”

Castiel snorts. “You’re off the hook for the time being. Enjoy it while you can. _Years_ of diapers, Dean.”

He never would’ve thought that sentence would make him smile, but years of diapers means years of Claire, and even better, years of Castiel. So yeah, he smiles, and he smiles pretty damn big.


	11. Chapter 11

Over the next few days, Dean gets what he's come to think of as a crash course in parenting. He learns about diapers, baby clothes, car seats - including what a pain in the ass it is to move one from Cas’s car to his and back - and ponytails. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t do a ponytail to save his life. Castiel assures him it gets easier the more you do it, but he has his doubts. Anytime he sees Cas doing something with Claire he doesn’t know how to do, he asks about it, and Castiel almost always rewards him with a big smile and that soft look in his eyes. Best of all, every single time, Cas stops what he’s doing and explains how he’s doing it and why he does it that way, and he never seems to be annoyed with his question or judges him for needing to ask it in the first place.

He spends his days listening to the audio books Cas brought him and doing some baking. Once he got the okay from the doctor late last week, he started doing some light exercise. He goes for walks around the neighborhood since he isn’t willing to chance trying to go to the gym and getting his head bitten off by Jess. And since that seems to go okay, he’s jogging by the end of the week and starting to feel more like himself.

He spends his evenings with Cas. Twice last week he was invited over for dinner, and once he asked if he could cook for them at Cas’s apartment, which Cas was really happy about. He helps with Claire as much as he can. He kisses her on the top of her head every time he’s there when she goes to bed, and finds himself falling a little bit more in love with her every single day.

Things with Castiel are freakin’ fantastic. Cas is still sweet and funny, sporadically silly, and always affectionate. They spend the night together several times since they both know it will be more inconvenient to do once Dean goes back to work on Monday. Castiel doesn’t initiate anything more between them sexually - though they go back to making out like horny teenagers - and Dean still has his doubts about whether it really was the alcohol that made Cas come on to him so strongly after their date.

Until Dean gets an awkwardly worded text message from Castiel mid-way through the week asking him about the last time he was tested for STIs. In truth, Dean’s never been tested - he’s never been with anybody long enough to make him even consider going without a condom. But he makes plans to get that taken care of after Castiel suggests it. If he thought the text messages about it was awkward, finding a Planned Parenthood and seeing a doctor there on Friday was so much worse. But he did it, and now he’s just waiting for his results.

Friday night was spent with his friends. He knows it’s pretty pathetic, but it’s quickly becoming his least favorite night of the week because he can’t see Cas. Like last week, he had a great time when he was with his friends, but it just felt like something was missing the whole time, and he knows that something is Cas. He’s already planning for their next date night to be a Friday so that Cas can get to know Charlie, Benny, Kevin, Jo, and Sam a little bit better and so that Dean can have him there with him for once.

He’d given in and texted Castiel around ten while he was several beers into his six pack.

 **DEAN:** Will you judge me if I admit to missing you already?

 **CASTIEL:** Considering I was sitting here with my phone in my hand hoping for you to message me, I don’t think I can judge you at all :)

 **DEAN:** Good, because I miss you. It’s dumb. I’m surrounded by all of my best friends but I still feel a little lonely because you aren’t here.

 **CASTIEL:** You always surprise me with how sweet you are <3 I am also quite lonely without you taking up half my couch. Stay over tomorrow night?

 **DEAN:** I’d love to.

He’d gotten razzed by his friends for smiling at his phone and had to physically fight Charlie to get her off of him when she was trying to read the text messages, but he did win. He’d show her if it was just the two of them, but not with the other guys there. Sam’s been teasing him enough with what Jess and his mom has been telling him about him and Cas. The last thing he needs is to give him more ammunition.

Dean ends up spending the entire day with Cas and Claire on Saturday. They go out for breakfast together and spend time at the park until Claire is ready for her morning nap. Dean makes grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch, and afterwards they do groceries together, and fall asleep wrapped up together on the couch while Claire is down for her afternoon nap.

They order pizza for dinner, and when Cas bathes Claire so she’ll be nice and clean for family dinner on Sunday, Dean cleans up the kitchen and picks up Claire’s toys. Once Claire’s in bed, they finally make use of the basket of goodies Dean bought two weeks ago, and have their at-home movie date. Because Charlie already outed his love for romcoms, he suggests _Crazy, Stupid, Love_ and he and Cas laugh their way through the movie snuggled up together while Cas inches his hand towards the quickly thickening bulge in Dean’s pants. By the time it’s over, Castiel has given up on teasing and is rubbing Dean’s fully hard cock over top of his jeans. They barely make it to the bedroom. Castiel strokes them both quickly and expertly, til they come within seconds of each other, still mostly dressed and with each other’s names on their lips.

They fall asleep together that night, and it’s impossible for Dean not to think about how perfect the whole day was with both Cas and Claire, and how badly he wants so many more Saturdays just like this. The thought resonates even more after another Sunday family dinner with Castiel on one side of him at the table and Claire on the other side. It warms his heart to see Bentley and Claire play so well together again, and he has to fight away tears when he hears Bentley repeat Claire’s signs back to her. “More, Claire?”

Monday morning comes bright and early and with the now almost alien feeling of waking up alone in his own bed. He curses as he showers with the bag still over his splint, telling himself he should be able to have it removed in just ten more days, but feels like his old self again when he gets dressed and heads to work for the first time in two weeks.

Jess’s smile almost eclipses his when he strolls through the front door of the gym with his duffel bag over his shoulder.

“Well if it isn’t my third favorite Winchester,” Jess greets him.

“And my first favorite sister,” Dean replies. “Miss me around here?”

“Absolutely. Nobody flirts with me the way you do,” she grins.

“I doubt that,” Dean says with a grin.

“How’s the boyfriend?” Jess asks with that huge, almost scary smile of hers on her face.

Dean rolls his eyes. “Come on. You _just_ saw him last night.”

“I sure did! Sex hair and all. And do you know what else I saw? A moon-eyed Dean Winchester.”

“Please,” Dean scoffs. “I’m not that obvious.”

“You really, _really_ are,” she disagrees. Her voice is softer when she continues, “You really like him, don’t you?”

Dean shrugs. “Maybe.”

“We all like him too, by the way. You know, if Sam gushes about him anymore on Sundays after you guys leave I might seriously start to wonder about him.”

Dean frowns. “That’s just… so wrong on so many levels,” he manages to say, then smiles. “But I could probably still take Sam if I had to, right?”

Jess contemplates a moment. “I think it’d be pretty close. I’d make myself available to be the impartial referee of course,” she says, her eyes dancing with laughter.

Dean laughs before he gets down to business. “So, what’d you cook up for my first day back?”

Jess smiles and opens up his schedule. “Started you off with the kids downstairs, but I can change that around if you feel like you don’t need the excuse to see your boyfriend every morning anymore?”

Dean can’t help how big his smile gets when he hears somebody else call Cas his boyfriend. “I don’t need the excuse anymore, but I still wanna be there to see Claire.”

“I thought you’d say that,” she nods. “Since you’re still supposed to be taking it easy, I’ve got you monitoring the gym this morning, and back in the aquatic center this afternoon with two hours of office time in between. No spinning or personal training until the splint comes off.”

“Doctor said I could as long as I don’t put pressure on my hand,” Dean reminds her. “And I dunno about the pool and the splint. I’m supposed to keep it dry.”

“Jo got you a finger condom,” she says with amusement in her eyes.

“Well that should be interesting,” he answers, but he wonders if whatever the hell a finger condom is would make showering easier.

“Sam asked me to make sure you get lunch at the same time, so expect him to drop in. I might’ve packed him enough leftovers for you, too,” she smiles.

“Have I mentioned that I love you?”

“Not today. But I know. Don’t work too hard, okay? And don’t be stubborn. If you feel tired or need a rest tell somebody and I can replace you. We have people on call in case we need them to take over.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously. I’ll sic your mom and Cas on you if I find out you’re being bullheaded,” she threatens.

Dean rolls his eyes but really, the last thing he wants is his mom or Cas pissed at him. “I’ll be fine. See you later, beautiful,” he calls over his shoulder as he walks away.

“I really _did_ miss you!” Jess calls after him, which brings a big smile to his face as he walks towards his office.

He knows he’s going to have about two hundred emails, so he doesn’t even bother turning on his computer yet. Instead, he stashes his bag and hurries downstairs to the childcare center.

It’s unusually chilly today, so he left his jeans on and has a hoodie on underneath his warmest forest green canvas jacket. He doesn’t usually spend a lot of time outside so he’s never bought anything warmer, but he might have to if he’s gonna keep coming out here all the time.

Walking outside, he finds his mom and Charity chatting away, both with a wailing kid in their arms.

“Hey guys,” Dean says, pitching his voice louder than usual so they can hear him over the screams. “What’s goin’ on here?”

“Fight over the new dump truck that turned slightly violent,” Mary answers him. “Welcome back.”

Dean snorts. “Yeah, really. I’m gonna head over here away from the screaming kids,” he says, and goes to search out Bentley.

Bentley’s got a puffy blue winter coat on, boots, and a hat that reminds him of Elmer Fudd. He comes running over to him like he hadn’t just seen him the day before, and since Dean can’t pick him up the way he would usually, he crouches down and opens his arms for a hug. Bentley doesn’t slow down, and when he runs into his arms, he ends up knocking him right off his feet and they both topple over laughing.

“We need to get you signed up for football, little man,” Dean says, laughing, as he stands back up and brushes off his jeans.

“Is Claire here yet?” Bentley asks.

“Not yet. Pretty soon though. You like her, huh?”

“She plays cars real good. She makes roads and freeways and traffic jams,” Bentley explains.

“I think it’s pretty cool that you’re so nice to her even though she can’t talk very well yet,” Dean says. “I’m really proud of you, buddy.”

Bentley shrugs and then goes back to what he was doing without giving Dean a second look. Dean walks around and says hi to some of the kids. He shows them his splint and gets a bunch of hugs, and is surrounded by a pack of kids when he sees Cas’s car pull in. He gives a couple of them a pat on the back before he walks over to meet Castiel at the gate.

Without even thinking about it, he reaches for Claire and leans in to give Cas a quick kiss good morning while Cas helps hitch Claire onto his hip.

Claire is also dressed in a puffy jacket, blue with rainbow coloured polka dots on it, and a white fuzzy hat that Dean’s pretty sure is supposed to be a lamb.

“DeeDeeDeeDeeDeeDeeDee,” Claire is repeating as she bounces in his arms.

“You know I just saw you yesterday, right?” Dean teases her, but leans down to give her a kiss on the forehead anyway. “Why does your daddy dress you in the cutest little clothes, huh? Look at you in your fuzzy hat and your little booties.”

Claire lifts her hands to her hat and tugs on the ears.

“Baaaah,” Dean says, attempting a lamb sound. Claire and Cas both laugh at him and he’s more than a little proud of himself for it.

“Very nice,” Castiel comments. “I think Claire might be excited to have you back at work. And from the looks of things when I pulled in, she isn’t the only one.”

“Kids dig me, what can I say?” Dean answers. Just then, he feels a tug on his pant leg and looks down to see Bentley there.

“Claire! Wanna play cars?” Bentley asks excitedly, holding one up to her.

“Car!” Claire answers, and wiggles until Dean lets her down.

“Bye Claire!” Castiel calls after her, but she doesn’t even turn around.

“Still think it’s awesome she said car as one of her first words,” Dean grins.

“As you’ve said. Several times in the last three days,” Castiel replies dryly, but he reaches between them and twines their fingers together. “Missed you in my bed last night,” he says, his voice softer.

“God you’re cute,” Dean says quickly, but he’s pleased he isn’t the only one starting to hate sleeping alone. He can’t resist reaching up to brush his hand across Cas’s cheek. “Missed bein’ in your bed.”

“I had such a good weekend with you. I wish it didn’t have to end,” Castiel admits.

“I had a good weekend too, but I gotta say, I’m kinda happy to be back.”

“Yes, I suppose I might feel the same if I was home for two weeks by myself as well. You’ll be careful today?” Castiel asks him.

“Jess has me helping out in the workout room this morning, back in the pool this afternoon, and two hours of office time instead of one. No spinning and no training.”

“Hmm. Promise not to crack your head open in the pool this time?” Castiel questions with a smile on his face.

“Damn well gonna try.”

“Don’t overdo it, okay? If you’re tired or not feeling like yourself, promise me you’ll take a break,” Castiel pleads, all playfulness gone.

“You don’t gotta worry about me, Cas. I’ll be fine.”

Castiel scoffs. “You know how I feel about you and the word _fine_. Promise me, Dean.”

Dean sighs heavily but agrees. “I promise I’ll take a break and tell somebody if I’m feelin’ tired. Okay?”

Castiel leans in and kisses him quickly. “Thank you. I’ll see you later?”

“You bet. Have a good day at work, hon,” Dean tells him.

“I will. Take it easy,” Castiel warns him again, and then he gets in his car and drives away, leaving Dean with a dopey smile on his face.

The last time he saw Cas at work they weren’t even officially together yet, and now he’s the first boyfriend Dean’s had in years. It’s kind of crazy, but he’s stupidly happy about it.

He still has Claire’s little Elmo bag in his hands and walks back into the playground to see Charity grinning at him.

He narrows his eyes at her playfully. “What’re you all smiley about, hm?”

“Just happy to see my boss so happy… with his super cute boyfriend,” she adds with a slight blush creeping across her cheeks.

If Dean wasn’t her boss he’d tease her a little bit about having the hots for Cas just to make her blush harder, but he has to keep it at least a little bit professional. Plus, if she’s fresh outta college she’s gotta be young and he doesn’t wanna be the creepy old guy.

“Am I that obvious?” Dean asks again, thinking briefly of Jess (rightfully) accusing him of being so into Cas.

She giggles and Dean can’t help but smile at her. “Definitely. Everybody’s happy to have you back, by the way. The kids asked about you a lot. Especially Claire. Even though you probably saw her a lot outside of work anyway, though, right?”

Her smile is a knowing one now and Dean rolls his eyes.

“You’re just as bad as my mom,” he accuses her and her jaw drops dramatically, confirming his suspicions. Knowing that he busted her for prying for information now, he shakes his head and crosses his arms across his chest. “Get back to work, nosy noserson.” He smiles though, so that she knows he’s mostly joking, and she scampers away quickly, tucking her hair behind her ear as she goes and not at all able to hide her smile.

His mom walks over and Dean points his finger at her before she even says anything. “I swear to god, you start saying how cute me and Cas are or asking me about him, I’m firing you along with everybody else.”

She throws her head back and laughs at the idea. “Pro tip,” she says, and Dean balks at his mom using such popular lingo, “if you don’t want to get teased for being adorable with your boyfriend at work, don’t be so adorable with your boyfriend at work.”

“No,” Dean refuses. “I don’t wanna. People kiss their boyfriends before work all the time.”

“Just not usually _at_ work,” Mary answers, smiling. “You ever think about how pointless it is for you to drive here every day from your apartment with Cas following you from the same spot with Claire ten minutes later only to turn right back around and drive past the apartment again to go to work?”

Dean stops, realizing it for the first time and thinking about how stupid that is.

“No, I didn’t,” Dean admits, and smiles sheepishly at his mom.

“I know Castiel has had some issues trusting people in the past, but maybe it’s something you could talk about if things keep going well,” Mary suggests.

Dean has several images flash through his mind in seconds. He imagines Castiel kissing him at his car every morning instead of meeting him at the gate of the playground. He thinks about driving to work with Claire in a car seat in the back of his Baby while Zeppelin blares through the speakers. He imagines walking into his office holding onto Claire’s hand with her Elmo bag and his duffel over his shoulder, and Jess greeting them both with a big smile on her face every morning. He imagines walking down to the daycare to pick Claire up at the end of every day and her running over to him with that big smile on her face she usually saves for Cas, then both of them walking into Cas’s apartment instead of his.

 _Shit_ , he wants that.

“Sweetie?” Mary prompts him.

He has to clear his throat before he can answer her. “Sorry. Day dreaming,” he answers. “Thanks for mentioning it.”

“You feeling okay? You sure you’re okay to be back at work, Dean?” Mary asks, suddenly going into mom-mode.

He huffs. “That’s another thing everybody keeps asking me. So yes. I’m fine. And I promise I’ll tell somebody and take a break if I feel sick or tired or blah blah blah,” he says rather grumpily.

She gives him a little whack on the chest. “Now I know you’re feeling okay if you’re sassing me.”

He grins. “Sorry.”

“No you’re not. You always were the mouthy one,” she says, and he knows he’s not in trouble just by the look on her face. “I’m checking in at lunchtime and you better not ignore me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he replies. He leans over to kiss her on the cheek and then goes to find Claire to say goodbye. She’s still playing cars with Bentley, so he tickles her from behind and gets a squeal of excitement and her head butting into his chin. _Ow._ Won’t be doing that again. “Dean has to go to work, buddy.”

Claire turns around and shakes her head side to side in a clear objection.

His heart melts and he pulls her in for a quick hug. They’re almost forehead to forehead when Dean says, “I’ll come back and see you before you go home, okay? More Dean later.”

She leans in and kisses him square on the lips before she turns around and goes back to play cars with Bentley.

He’s stunned stupid.

He’s seen Claire kiss Cas just like that dozens of times, but he never thought she’d do it to him. Or not yet anyway. His heart’s stuck in his throat and he can’t even get out of his crouch.

“Uncle Dean? Are you going to work or can you stay and play cars?” Bentley asks, bringing him back to life.

He stands, shaking his head. “No, I’m going. Sorry. See you later, guys.”

He walks back over towards the door and sees his mom standing there with her hands over her heart, so she obviously saw. He just shakes his head and walks right past her, knowing he can’t talk about this right now without embarrassing himself.

He’s barely even in the building before he pulls out his phone.

 **DEAN:** Dude. Claire just kissed me.

 **CASTIEL:** Claire kissed you?

 **DEAN:** Straight on the lips. I hugged her to say bye and she kissed me!

 **CASTIEL:** She loves you, Dean :)

Dean feels tears spring to his eyes and blinks them away furiously. Fuck. He’s so epically screwed. He stops walking and leans back against the wall inside the toddler room taking in deep breaths.

 **CASTIEL:** Is that okay? Everything alright?

Dean shakes his head and pulls up his camera phone to take a picture of himself. His eyes are glistening with tears, and his face is pink with embarrassment and emotion, but he can’t share this with Cas the way he really wants to - with Cas’s arms around him telling him not to freak out - so he snaps a picture and sends it to Cas.

 **DEAN:** I was fighting them back okay until you had to go and say that lol

 **CASTIEL:** Aw, sweetheart <3 I’m sorry I missed it. I would have loved to see your face in person.

 **DEAN:** You think she knows I love her, too? (Is it okay that I said that? That I feel it?)

 **CASTIEL:** We both know. And we’re both very much okay with it <3 Get to work, slacker. We can talk again at lunch!

 **DEAN:** Yeah, sorry. Didn’t know what to do.

 **CASTIEL:** I’m glad you told me. No more kissing anybody else until I get there :P

 **DEAN:** ha promise <3

That’s the first time in his life he’s ever sent a little heart like that, and he feels both ridiculously silly and really good about it at the same time.

He takes in another deep breath and wipes his eyes before he heads back up to his office to change into his workout clothes.

He’s in the workout room for just over an hour when Jess pops her head in. Dean’s about to bite her head off for checking in on him already when he’s just starting his day when she says, “Hey, Dean? There’s a client out here who wants to meet you to set up a personal training session for next week.”

Dean frowns. “I’ll still have my splint on next week.”

“I know. I told him that, but he said he only wants you and that he’s mostly interested in cardio anyway.”

Dean’s frown deepens. That’s not usually something he trains people for. “Alright. Give me two minutes to clean up a bit.”

Dean hurries across the hall to the bathroom and wipes away some of the sweat off his face and washes his hands before he heads back across the hall to the front desk where Jess is standing with a guy in a swanky suit. Not exactly the kind of attire he’s used to seeing in his gym, and honestly, not the kinda guy he usually gets along with. Nonetheless, he pastes a fake smile on his face and approaches him.

“Hey, how’s it goin’?” He sticks his hand out. “Dean Winchester.”

“Alexander,” the man answers. Sounds like he has a bit of an accent to go with his fancy suit. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” A British accent, apparently.

Alexander rakes his eyes over Dean’s body rather obviously and smirks when he sees that Dean’s noticed.

“Same,” Dean answers, a bit thrown off by the way this guy’s looking at him. All smoldery and honestly a bit creepy. “So, uh, what can I do for you, man?”

The man runs a perfectly manicured hand down his tie and straightens his expensive looking jacket. “I require a personal trainer to assist me with… cardio.”

“Alright. To be honest with you, that ain’t exactly the kinda thing I usually train for. I’m not sure how much help I can be with something like that.”

“I admire your honesty, but I do believe your personal touch will be _quite_ motivating for me,” Alexander says with another smirk that’s dangerously close to a leer.

“You know you can’t show up in a suit, right?” Dean says, attempting a joke to see if the man has any expression that isn’t creepy as hell.

Alexander smiles and Dean sees what at least resembles a human being underneath the twelve layers of polish. “Handsome and funny. You certainly won the gene pool,” Alexander drawls. Dean’s skin might actually be crawling.

“I’ll make sure to tell my brother you think so,” he answers, forcing a smile. “You uh, sure you don’t mind training with a guy with the use of only one of his hands? If you wait another week you can get the full experience.”

“No,” Alexander says simply. “In fact, I’d be delighted if you could make room for me one day this week. I’ll make myself available to you any time at all.”

The guy’s lips tilt up to one side as he speaks and Dean just barely manages not to recoil at the clear double meaning of his words. “I’m still recovering from a prior injury, but maybe the end of the week?” Dean says, turning to check with Jess.

“As long as everything goes well until then, and it’s just cardio, I think that’d be okay,” she says, opening his schedule. “Thursday afternoon?”

“Four o’clock?” Alexander asks.

“I got a standing thing down at the daycare starting at 4:30, so it’d have to be more like three or three thirty,” Dean says.

There’s a glint of something ugly in his eyes, like the dude isn’t used to being told no, and Dean stands up a little straighter. He realizes his arms are crossed - classic negative body language - and stuffs them in his pocket instead.

“Three thirty will work splendidly,” Alexander says with a nod. “I’ll see you then, Mr. Winchester.” Dean gives him a little nod and the man whirls and strides out of the gym quickly.

Dean and Jess look at each other and Dean gives into the full body shudder he’d been holding back since he first shook the dude’s hand.

“Jesus fuck that guy was creepy,” he says, and Jess laughs.

“I know, right!? Super slimy. I had to come to get you so he’d stop flirting with me, and then he just flirted with you instead! Did you see the way he was looking at you?” she makes a face of disgust. “I couldn’t decide if he wanted to beat the shit out of you or bend you over the desk.”

“Ew! No! Jeez,” Dean says quickly.

“I’m usually such a sucker for a British accent, too, but that guy was raising all my little red flags. Are you sure you should even train with him? He seriously gave me the creeps,” Jess admits sounding more serious now.

“Yeah, you’re not alone. I think I’ll be okay, though. You can see into my room anyway in case I can’t take him with one hand,” he jokes, and Jess glares like she isn’t impressed by the joke. “If he keeps coming on so strong I’ll see if I can find somebody else to help him, but I can at least give him a chance and see if the dude is a little bit more easy going without the power suit.”

“I’ll be watching like a hawk,” Jess warns him.

“Wouldn’t have expected anything less,” he replies, smiling. “I gotta go get back to work. See you later, alligator.”

“Loser,” she teases him and he grins as he walks back into the gym.

The rest of the morning passes quickly, and though he isn’t going to admit it, he definitely needs the hour to sit down and take a load off by the time he’s in his office. As he expected, his emails are in the hundreds, and he makes himself a cup of coffee before he sits down and starts to sort through them.

By the time Sam comes knocking on his door, he’s forwarded what emails he can to the right people to deal with and has about seventy-five that require a personal response from him. He’s definitely ready and willing to break for lunch before he starts on them.

Sam makes himself comfortable on the chair across Dean’s desk and starts unpacking their lunch.

“So? How’s the first day back going?” Sam asks him.

Dean shrugs. “Good to be back. Was goin’ stir crazy at home.”

Sam passes him one of the thermoses and Dean groans in appreciation when he opens it. “Homemade beef stew?”

“Yep. Plus mom’s biscuits and rice crispie squares for dessert, too,” Sam says, smiling.

“Jesus Christ. You are one lucky son of a bitch, Samantha.”

He eats like a starving man, as he usually does, answering Sam’s questions with grunts or nods as much as he can so he can focus on shovelling in as much food as fast as he can.

When he’s so full he feels like he might actually burst, he leans back with his hands over his stomach and smiles, absolutely sated and rather happy about it.

“You look happy,” Sam comments.

“A food coma will do that to ya,” Dean replies.

Sam laughs but shakes his head. “No. Not just now. Lately.”

“Mmm. Probably ‘cause I am.”

“Because of Castiel and Claire?” Sam asks.

“Obviously.”

“You guys seem pretty solid for only being together a few weeks,” Sam says. “Is it getting serious?”

“I dunno. I hope so,” Dean responds honestly.

“I know he’s the first guy you’ve really introduced to us, but I just think he fits in so well, you know? I could stand to have him around until you screw it up,” Sam teases.

“Ha ha,” Dean says sarcastically as he tries to hide the way his stomach clenches with nerves. There’s no way for Sam to know that’s his biggest fear.

“That reminds me. You still on for hanging out with Bentley Saturday night or are you too busy being in looove to watch him?”

Dean rolls his eyes, doing his best to hide the pang of disappointment he feels knowing that he won’t see Cas Friday night or Saturday night this weekend. Fuck. “I can still sit with Bentley. Let me know what time you want me to come over.”

Just then, Dean’s phone dings with what he’s sure is going to be a text from Cas. He already has a smile on his face when he reaches for it.

“Alright. I know that face. I’m outta here before you start making kissy faces at your phone again,” Sam says, throwing everything back into his bag and taking off without another word.

 **CASTIEL:** How’s the rest of your morning been?

 **DEAN:** Alright, I guess. You?

 **CASTIEL:** Just alright? You seemed so excited to be back this morning.

 **DEAN:** Had lunch with Sam. He reminded me it’s my weekend to babysit Bentley :(

 **CASTIEL:** On Saturday? Why is that sad?

 **CASTIEL:** No wait. I get it now :(

 **DEAN:** That, combined with the creepy dude hitting on me this morning apparently put me in a bit of a mood. Sorry.

 **CASTIEL:** I want to hear more about this creepy dude later (could I take him?), but for now, does this cheer you up a little?

Castiel sends him a picture of himself blowing a kiss. It’s juvenile and he knows it - and it’s also a little too close to Sam’s kissy faces comment for comfort - but he smiles anyway and actually does feel a little bit better.

 **DEAN:** More than I’d like to admit. Thanks, Cas :)

 **CASTIEL:** Wish I could do more. Maybe tacos would help? My place after work?

 **DEAN:** Tacos sounds awesome, thanks! Too bad I don’t have a car seat, huh? I could just bring Claire home and save you a trip.

 **CASTIEL:** That would be handy! I have to go. Short lunches this week to make up for the appointment next week. I’ll see you after work.

 **DEAN:** Can’t wait :)

At least somewhat cheered by his boyfriend, his afternoon passes much better than his morning. He goes down to see Claire and Cas at 4:30 as usual. He follows them home a few minutes after Cas takes off, has dinner with them and does Claire’s bedtime routine with them, and after more of _The Voice_ , he reluctantly goes back home to sleep.

That’s how most of the week passes. He eats at home Tuesday and doesn’t go over until Claire’s in bed, and when he asks Castiel what he wants to do, he straddles Dean on the couch, grinding hard and dirty on top of him. They never break their kiss or remove a single layer of clothing, but Castiel rides him until they both come in their pants like a couple of teenagers.

Not even the sticky cum in Dean’s pants is enough to wipe the smile off of his face. He goes home in a pair of Castiel’s sweatpants an hour later and falls asleep quickly in them, barely awake long enough to hate the empty space next to him that night.

Wednesday passes uneventfully, and Dean wakes up in a foul mood on Thursday. He knows it’s because he’s got his appointment with Alexander this afternoon and tries not to think about it too much. Maybe the dude was just giving off a bad vibe earlier in the week. Maybe he’s not really that bad. He doesn’t actually believe that at all, but he keeps it running through his head anyway.

As time always seems to do when you’re not looking forward to something, the day flies by. Before he knows it, it’s 3:25 and his phone rings in his office.

“Alexander Ketch is here to see you,” Jess tells him.

She sounds perfectly polite, but that’s how he knows the guy’s still being a douche because otherwise she wouldn’t be using her customer service voice. “Great,” Dean says sarcastically. “I’ll be right there.”

“You better be,” is murmured into the phone quietly.

Dean gets to his feet immediately. He doesn’t want to rush over to see Alexander, but he doesn’t want him making Jess uncomfortable either. He hurries out of his office and down the hall towards the front desk, and sees Alexander leaning on the desk and into Jess’s personal space. She’s leaning backwards in her chair and it isn’t hard to see that she’s desperately trying to get this guy to back the fuck off while still staying polite.

“Hey, Alexander,” Dean calls out before he’s even close enough to really talk to him. He just wants him away from Jess. It works though, since he straightens up and gets out of Jess’s space. “Good to see you, man,” he lies.

He feels gross all over again when Alexander checks him out, dragging his eyes from his face all the way down to his runners slowly and obviously.

“You do wear those shorts well, don’t you, Dean?” Alexander says with a slimy smile.

Oh, hell no.

“That’s what his boyfriend says, too,” Jess pipes up from the desk and Dean could kiss her. “But about everything he wears,” she adds.

“My mistake,” Alexander says, his palms up. Maybe he’ll actually back off now. “Shall we get started, then?”

“Yeah, sure. Follow me. Thanks, Jess.”

“I'm here if you need anything!” Jess says desperately, and Dean knows it’s a reminder that she’s watching through the glass.

“You’re the best,” he calls to her.

“You two seem friendly,” Alexander comments.

“She’s my sister-in-law,” Dean explains. “Still a little ticked that my brother found her first,” he says, using the line he always uses when he tells people about him and Jess.

Alexander laughs, but it sounds fake and rubs him the wrong way. “I find it hard to believe she would turn you down.”

Dean frowns and shoots him an unrestrained look he knows conveys _what the fuck_? “She’s married to _my brother_ ,” Dean says, in case he somehow missed that. “And I don’t cheat.”

“Merely an observation,” Alexander says, again with his hands raised palm-up.

Dean turns his back to him, rolling his eyes as he pulls the door to the training room open and lets Alexander walk through it. He tells him to put his bag down and asks him if he needs to change or anything before they get started. Alexander says no, then unzips his sweater and throws it in the corner and drops his pants to reveal a pair of basketball shorts.

Dean can’t deny that the guy has a nice body. He has no idea why he’d ever need a personal trainer when he obviously has the sort of discipline most people lack when searching for one. But he isn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. This should be an easy hour.

“Okay, good. Let’s start with some stretches, and then we’ll go over into the equipment room to get you on the treadmill.”

Alexander looks around the room. “I was expecting something more private.”

 _I bet you were_ , Dean thinks to himself. “Sorry to let you down, but this is all we’ve got. If you’re not comfortable, no harm, no foul. I can refund what you paid for the hour if you want to take off.”

“No,” Alexander says simply. “Let’s begin.”

Dean leads him through the stretches and warm up, and finds he was right thinking this guy doesn’t need a personal trainer. He’s competent, in good shape, and follows along easily. They leave their stuff in the room and walk across the hall to the equipment room where Dean’s already reserved two treadmills for their use.

“You tryin’ for speed or distance?” Dean asks him as they approach the machines.

“I have no problems with endurance,” Alexander smirks. “Though I’m happy to prove it to you if you’d like?”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Dean says dryly. This guy just will not take a fucking hint. “So you want to learn how to run faster, then?”

“I… suppose. Yes,” he responds.

Dean doesn’t know what the fuck is up with this guy but he’s pretty damn sure he doesn’t want to learn how to run at all.

“Alright, let’s start you off slow and build as we go,” Dean suggests.

“I do prefer to go hard without any preliminaries,” Alexander says. Dean barely manages to suppress another eye roll when he continues, “but you’re the professional.”

Dean doesn’t respond. He presses some buttons to set up Alexander’s run, and then hops on the machine next to him and jogs lightly so he isn’t just staring at the guy. Not that he thinks he’d mind, but no thanks. Once he figures Alexander is warmed up, he increases his speed and cheers him on as his breathing starts to get heavier. The time passes quickly, and Dean continues to push him harder and harder, encouraging him as he begins to tire, offering him tips to improve his gait, and praising him when he’s able to keep going the whole time. He actually gets him going faster than he expected to, and he’s totally impressed by his athleticism. When the dude is breathing too hard to hit on him every ten seconds, he’s not even all that bad.

Dean’s machine shuts down, signalling the final ten minutes of their session, and Dean decreases the pace of Alexander’s machine and forces him into a cool down jog and then a walk so his muscles don’t seize up. Alexander is still breathing hard, and Dean gets him a little paper cup of water when they’re all done and passes it to him.

“Gotta say, I’m totally impressed. You fucking killed that,” Dean tells him, smiling.

Alexander smiles in what Dean thinks might be the first genuine smile he’s seen from the guy so far. He wouldn’t be bad looking, he finds himself thinking, if he wasn’t a smarmy dick.

“Thank you, Dean. That was invigorating,” he says before he drinks down the water.

“I have another commitment after this, so we’ll just grab your stuff from the other room and then I have to take off,” Dean warns him as they walk back into the room. “If you want to make another appointment, you can stop at the desk and make it with Jess. Though I have to be honest with you, man, I don’t know that you need the help.”

“I appreciate that.” Alexander puts his pants and sweater back on before he continues speaking. “Actually, if it isn’t too much trouble, I was hoping you might be able to show me around the child care center attached to the gym? I think you mentioned something about that the last time we spoke?”

“Oh,” Dean says stupidly. “You have kids you’re looking at childcare for?”

“A daughter.”

Dean nods, though he can’t imagine a stuck up guy like this would be much fun as a dad. “Well, it’s usually Jess or my - uh - Mary, who does the tours. I’m not gonna be able to answer all your questions the way they would be, but I can let you have a look around if you want?”

“That would be quite helpful. I appreciate it.”

“Okay, follow me,” Dean tells him. He leads the way to his office and asks Alexander to stay outside a minute while he changes back into his outdoor gear. He sees the time on the wall clock and notices he’s running a few minutes behind. He hurries to get changed and leads the way down to the daycare.

He lets Alexander poke his head into the different classes, explaining quickly which one is the infant room, which is the toddler room, and which is the pre-school room. He answers his questions about how many children are in each room, and explains how they always have more than the required ratio of workers to child.

By the time they make their way outside, Dean’s a full ten minutes behind schedule, and his eyes search around for Claire quickly to make sure he didn’t miss saying goodbye to her.

By the looks of things, she was waiting for him too, because she comes running over almost as soon as they walk through the door.

“Hey, blondie,” he says, looping her arms around his neck so he can pick her up. “Did you miss me?”

“Dee!” Claire says excitedly, then leans in and rests her head on his shoulder.

“I missed you, too,” he tells her softly, kissing her on top of her lamb hat and rocking her back and forth while she’s snuggled in. He knows it won’t last long because it never does. “Should’ve come down at lunch, huh?”

“Is this little lamb your daughter?” Alexander asks beside him.

“Uh, no,” Dean says awkwardly. First time he’s been asked _that_. “But we’re pretty tight.”

Dean sees Castiel’s car pull into the parking lot.

“Hello, darling,” Alexander says to Claire. He rests one hand on Dean’s shoulder and reaches out to run a finger down Claire’s cheek. Dean instinctively turns away, awkwardly (and somewhat painfully because of his finger) shifting her onto his other hip further away from him and causing Alexander’s hand to fall off his shoulder. He doesn’t really know this guy, he gives him a bad vibe, and he sure as fuck doesn’t want him touching Claire like that. Or at all.  

“So anyway, this wraps up the grand tour,” Dean says abruptly. “I gotta go hand off this little munchkin to her dad. Do you have any last minute questions or anything? Need me to show you the way back?”

Dean’s distracted when he sees Cas climb out of his car, but he sees Alexander look up and smile a big toothy smile at Cas walking towards them.

“No. I have everything I needed now. Thank you, Dean. It was certainly a pleasure,” Alexander says with a squeeze of Dean’s shoulder and another too-big smile. “Tur-rah!”

Dean snickers at the British goodbye before he sighs with relief when Alexander disappears back through the door of the daycare. He grabs Claire’s Elmo bag and starts walking towards Castiel’s car to meet him.

He’s surprised when he sees Cas rushing towards him with a look of panic and fear written all over his face, and even more surprised when he _rips_ Claire out of his arms roughly before he can even say hello. Castiel wrenches his splint as he takes Claire away and Dean calls out in pain, and still, Castiel doesn’t even say a word to him as he quickly buckles a now screaming Claire into her seat in the back of his car.

He can hear Cas whispering, “It’s okay sweetie. Daddy’s here. It’s okay. You’re safe now,” as he buckles her in.

Ignoring the pain radiating through his finger, he approaches Castiel quickly. “Cas, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Castiel doesn’t say anything.

“Castiel, honey, what’s the matter?” Dean asks again, placing his hand on his lower back.

“ _Don’t touch me!_ ” Castiel yells at him as he straightens up, knocking his hand away, and shutting the door behind him.

Dean recoils. Castiel has never raised his voice to him before, and he has never _ever_ seen him look so pissed and so broken.

“I - I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s goin’ on here,” Dean confesses.

“ _I trusted you!_ I trusted you, and - and you went behind my back _with him_ of _all people_?”

 _With him of all people?_ Dean repeats in his head. Does Cas know Alexander? Is that who he’s talking about? He takes a step forwards to try and calm him down and Castiel actually shoves him back. Dean freezes, not knowing what else to do.

“How could you do this to me? To Claire?”

Castiel has tears in his eyes and Dean’s throat is clogging with emotion and the heavy feeling of dread inside of him even though he has no idea what the fuck is happening. The anguish on Castiel’s face is something Dean never wants to see again, and he has no idea what even caused it in the first place.

“What’re you talking about?” Dean asks again. He’s scared and he’s hurt by whatever Cas is accusing him of, but he’s sure all he needs is ten seconds to explain this to Cas and he’ll be able to fix this. “Listen to me, Cas,” Dean implores him, his voice softer. “I’d _never_ do anything to hurt you or Claire. You gotta know that!” He feels a fresh crack in his heart when Castiel snorts in disbelief. “That guy I was with is Alexander Catch or something. He’s the guy in the suit that was hitting on me that I told you about a couple days ago, remember? Needed me to train him for cardio? I just had my first session with him and then he asked me to show him the daycare because he wanted to check it out for his daughter. Okay? That’s it, I swear.”

Castiel’s expression doesn’t change at all. He still looks just as livid. He turns away and opens the door to his car. Dean can hear Claire still screaming in her car seat and he still has no fucking clue what’s going on until Castiel turns back to him and says, “No, Dean. That man is _Arthur Ketch_ , my _ex-husband,_ and I just saw him with his hands on my boyfriend _and_ my daughter without my consent and that is not fucking okay.”

Dean feels his heart drop right down to the ground as Castiel slams the door and buckles his seatbelt.

 _No._ No!

Dean’s banging on his window before he even registers that he moved.

“I didn’t know, Cas! He told us his name was Alexander! I didn’t know! You gotta believe me!”

Castiel shoots him one final look full of disdain before he puts the car in drive and speeds away leaving Dean standing there with Claire’s Elmo bag still in his hands feeling like his entire world just came to a screaming stop.

He jumps when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“Dean, honey? What’s going on?” Mary asks him, clearly concerned.

“Call Jess. That guy I just had a personal training session with is Cas’s ex-husband, and I think he was here to try and get a look at Claire. Warn her. Make sure he isn’t snooping around and get her to stop him if she sees him!”

Mary whips out her phone and is dialing Jess’s extension before Dean even finishes his sentence. He knows he’s gonna be long gone, but he still runs through the door leading to the daycare and through the hallways back the way he lead Alexander - or Arthur, apparently - hoping to catch him so he can beat the living shit out of him when he does.

He runs straight to the front desk and sees Jess standing there with Sam beside her, both of their eyes wide, then runs towards the front doors.

“Dean!” Sam calls, stopping him. “He’s gone.”

“He left. I watched him get in his fancy car and drive away,” Jess adds.

“ _Fuck_. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m so fucking stupid!” Dean curses, kicking the desk in anger as his emotions finally catch up with him now that he knows Ketch is gone.

He storms back into his office, ignoring Sam and Jess calling after him, closes the door behind him, and leans against it as everything starts to become clear in his head.

He just spent the last hour being hit on by Castiel’s cheating ex-husband.

He gave the guy a tour of the daycare.

He led him right to Cas’s kid and had even let the fucker put a hand on her.

He might’ve put Claire in danger. There’s no way Arthur was there to get a look at Claire for anything that could’ve been good for her or Cas.

Castiel trusted him, trusted the daycare _he runs_ to keep Claire safe, and Dean fucking failed miserably. He failed Cas and he failed Claire, and he hates himself with a passion.

No wonder Cas couldn’t bear to look at him.

There’s a knock on the door behind him and Dean realizes he’s slid down to the floor and that there are tears streaming down his face.

“Dean, let me in,” Sam tells him.

Dean scoots over so Sam can open the door and wipes the tears off of his face before he buries his face in his hands.

“Dean, come on,” Sam says softly. “Get up.”

“No,” Dean grumbles.

Sam sits on the floor beside him and puts a hand between his shoulder blades. “You didn’t know who he was, Dean! Jess told me. He even had a fake driver’s license with Alexander Ketch on it. There’s no way either of you could’ve known who he was!”

“Yeah, well, I shouldn’t have shown him the daycare,” Dean argues.

“Giving tours of the daycare when people ask is what we’ve always done. It’s what every daycare does! It’s not like you left him in there alone with the kids or something. And if you didn’t give the tour, Jess would have. And no offence Dean, but if he’s as creepy as Jess says he is, then I’m still pretty glad it was you showing him around instead of mom or Jess.”

Dean sighs, silently agreeing with him.

“Cas is so pissed,” he whispers. “You should’ve seen the way he looked at me, Sam. The way he yelled at me.” He has to stop because his voice is cracking as more tears spill down his cheeks. “He’s never gonna forgive me.”

“He will,” Sam argues. “Mom and Jess are gonna call him together after all the other daycare kids are gone. They’ll explain what happened and make sure he knows that Claire is safe here.”

“It’s not gonna matter. He’s never gonna let me near her again. I’m - Sam, I’m gonna miss her so much. She’s not gonna understand, and she’s gonna think that I don’t...”

But that’s all he can get out. His body shakes as a cry is torn from his throat, and then he’s sobbing in a way he hasn’t since he was ten years old. Sam wraps an arm around him and Dean collapses into his arms, clutching at his body as he dissolves into tears.

He doesn’t know how long he sits there and cries with Sam holding him. Every time he thinks about not being there to help put Claire to bed anymore, or never seeing the smile on her face as she runs over to him ever again, his heart shatters and he starts crying all over again. He can’t stand the thought of Claire thinking that he doesn’t love her. That he left her just like the other two jerks Cas was with, even if he didn’t want to leave. He thinks about her asking for him and his heart breaks over and over again.

There’s another knock on the door and then his mom and Jess come in. They both sink down on the floor and wrap their arms around him and Sam, and he feels so much better now that they’re here that fresh tears fall before his mom takes his hands in her face and wipes them away.

“We talked to Castiel,” Mary says.

Dean sits up quickly, sniffling. “You did? What’d he say?”

Mary frowns and Dean’s heart cracks again.

“He was understandably upset,” she answers.

Jess cuts in, “But we explained what happened. I told him about the fake driver’s license, and how neither of us knew who he was. I told him I could see the two of you the whole time you were together, and that you were professional even though he was a sleazeball and kept hitting on you.”

“I explained that he was never alone with any of the children, especially Claire, and how you didn’t do anything against daycare procedure by giving an interested customer a tour,” Mary adds. “We also talked about adding Arthur to the black list, making sure he can’t get into the gym _or_ the daycare at all, and so that the other daycare staff will know to keep an eye out for him if he tries to come back. Castiel’s already emailed us several photos we can add to Claire’s file so everybody knows what he looks like.”

“He won’t get back in here,” Sam assures him. “He won’t get anywhere close to Claire when we’re all around.”

“I’d like to see the slimey fucker try to get past me again,” Jess spits. “We both knew he was bad news the second he talked to us. I hated him before all of this, but now…” Her voice trails off but it’s easy to see the rage all over her face.

“Did… did Cas say anything about me?” Dean asks them nervously.

Mary and Jess exchange a look. “He asked if you had Claire’s bag,” Jess says softly, her eyes locking onto it on the floor.

“I asked him if he was still comfortable with you being at the daycare around Claire and he said he is,” Mary says.

Dean’s breath hitches as he feels something dangerously close to hope bubble inside of him. “He did?”

Mary nods and smiles. “I think he just reacted out of fear, sweetie. You have to try and look at it from his point of view. He wasn't expecting to see his ex-husband here. With you and his daughter. Of course he was scared.”

Jess nods along. “All he was thinking about was getting Claire as far away from Arthur as he could. It wasn’t personal, Dean.”

“Felt really fucking personal,” Dean argues.

His mom kisses him on the top of his head. “I know. I saw the whole thing. I was watching closely because I saw how you moved Claire away from Arthur when he reached out to touch her and it put my back up. I told Castiel about that, and even sent him the clip from the security camera to show him how you were following your instincts and protecting her without even knowing that you were supposed to. I told him how you sprung into action to try and get Jess and Sam to stop him before he could leave, and how you chased after him trying to find him.”

“You did?” Dean asks, his voice small.

“He sounded a lot different by the end of the phone call than he did at the beginning. I think… I think it’s gonna be okay, Dean,” Jess offers.

Dean just blinks, not even sure he can handle letting himself think he hasn’t lost Cas and Claire if it isn’t true.

“He doesn’t want to take Claire out of the daycare, and he doesn't want to keep her away from you. He still trusts you around her. Those are huge things, honey,” his mom assures him.

Dean wipes his face again and pushes himself up off of the floor, suddenly feeling like he might still have a chance. Everybody else stands with him.

“I gotta see if I can get him to talk to me.”

“Maybe after Claire’s in bed?” Jess suggests kindly.

Dean nods. “Yeah. Yeah, of course. I just… I gotta know he still wants to be with me. I care about him so much, and I love Claire.”

“We know, sweetie. We do, too,” Mary says, slinging her arm around his waist. “Nobody’s going to get anywhere close to her when we’re around.” Jess and Sam nod their agreement and he almost starts crying all over again when he realizes how his family has rallied around Claire and Cas just because they mean so much to him. “Why don’t we all go grab dinner somewhere so you don’t have to go home alone right now?” Mary suggests.

Jess and Sam agree quickly, and Dean feels himself nod along. It's gotta be better to hang out with his family than pace around his apartment waiting to talk to Cas. Jess insists on riding with him instead of Sam and Bentley so he doesn’t have to be alone, and before he knows it, he’s sitting in a rather crowded booth with his family doing everything they can to distract him.

Feeling marginally better after dinner, he gets into his car to drive home when his phone buzzes in his pocket halfway there. His stomach twists with nerves and he just about throws up everything he ate while he parks quickly in his spot beside Castiel’s car before he checks the message. He reaches for his phone before he even turns the car off, and reads the message.

 **CASTIEL:** I realize I reacted poorly earlier and I understand if you don’t want to see me, but I would really like to speak with you after Claire’s in bed.

 **DEAN:** I’ll be there.

He grabs Claire’s Elmo bag and his duffel and walks to his apartment. Now he just has to wait until 8:30.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gotta know!
> 
> 1) Did you turn to mush when Claire kissed Dean?  
> 2) What was your reaction when you saw the British guy “Alexander” was at the gym? Did you assume it was Arthur all along?  
> 3) Did Cas overreact when he saw Dean with Ketch?  
> 


	12. Chapter 12

Dean has never been more nervous than he is right now standing in front of Castiel’s apartment, telling himself to lift his hand and knock on the damn door already. He keeps telling himself that he can handle it - whatever happens. If Cas breaks up with him, he’ll be fine. It’ll fucking suck, but he can take it. Wouldn’t be the first time he’s been broken up with. After several additional failed attempts that leave him feeling both humiliated and nauseated, he finally musters up the courage to knock.

He hears Castiel’s footsteps behind the door before the knob turns and he takes another deep breath to steady himself.

Castiel opens the door and steps back to let him in without a word. Dean tries to take in every clue about what’s about to happen between them by checking his body language and facial expression. He notices Castiel’s eyes are red-rimmed and puffy like he’s been crying, and it takes every ounce of willpower he possesses not to reach out to comfort him. He doesn't know if Cas wants him to or not. He figures Cas is either sad because he’s sorry, or he’s sad because Dean fucked up and now he’s about to break up with him, but he doesn’t know which one yet.

Once the door is closed behind him, Dean hangs Claire’s Elmo bag on the hook next to the door where it always goes, and then Castiel finally speaks.

“Dean, I’m so sorry,” he says in a whisper.

Dean feels relief run through him so fast he actually feels lightheaded.

“Can I - may I hug you, Dean?” Dean nods, not able to make any words right now, and Castiel launches himself at him. Castiel wraps his arms around his neck tightly, and Dean’s hands circle his waist. He hears a sob come from Castiel before Cas buries his face into his neck, and Dean pulls him in even tighter, squeezing him nice and tight to comfort him.

“It’s okay, honey, it’s okay,” Dean promises, kissing the side of his head and inhaling a deep breath of honey-scented Cas. God, he thought he might never get to have this again. He thought he might never get to hold Cas like this or smell his shampoo - which he only now realizes is his favorite smell in the entire world. He just holds Cas as tight as he can, so fucking grateful to be able to do it at all that he doesn’t care how long they stand here like this. He lets Castiel cling, too, soothing him with soft kisses to his hair and rubbing his back over and over until Castiel finally pulls away and tugs him towards the couch.

They sit down side by side, and Castiel clutches at Dean’s good hand almost painfully hard.

“I’m so, _so_ sorry,” Castiel says again, his eyes filling with tears.

Dean nods awkwardly, not really knowing what to say. He doesn’t want to say it’s okay, because really, it isn’t. It isn’t okay how quickly Castiel believed he was doing something to hurt either him or Claire intentionally. It isn’t okay the way he ripped Claire out of his arms, and it isn’t okay how he took off without even giving the two of them a chance to talk it out.

“I, uh, understand that you were upset,” Dean offers.

“I was wrong, Dean. I saw you with him - with one of his hands on your shoulder and the other on my daughter - and I just saw red. In that moment, I could only think about how much he’d already hurt me and how scared I was that he was coming to try and take Claire away from me... and that you weren’t stopping him. I saw him touching you, and how familiar he seemed with you, and how the three of you looked like a - _a family_ together. Without me. And I thought that he found you and - and - seduced you or convinced you he was a better choice than I am or something like that just to hurt me all over again.”

Dean shakes his head. “No, Cas. Never. Nobody could ever seduce me when I’m with you. I don’t want anybody else. All I want is _you._ I don’t know how to make you get that,” he says heavily, his heart sinking.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel tells him. “I know how charming he can be and I was so afraid that you’d like him more than me.”

“He wasn’t charming _at all!_ ” Dean explains. “He was a prick! I wanted nothin’ to do with him. I hated him from the second I met him earlier this week, and so did Jess. He fuckin’ reeks of slime ball. He kept checking me out and hitting on me over and over -” Castiel flinches and Dean squeezes his hand “ - even after both me _and_ Jess told him I had a boyfriend. I even specifically told him I don’t cheat. Not that that stopped him.”

“God, I hate him! I hate him for looking at you and I hate him for coming onto you when he had to have known exactly who you are to me,” Castiel says icily.

“I hate him, too. I hate him for hurting you. And I hate him for making you think even for a second that I would choose anybody over you and Claire.”

Castiel sighs and runs his free hand through his hair. “I’m so ashamed,” he says quietly. “I… I’ve let you in so far, Dean. Farther than you even know.” Dean files that away to ask about later. “I trusted you with Claire, I trusted you in my home, and I trusted you with my heart. And still, I was so ready to dismiss everything you’ve shown me in the last month that we’ve known each other. I just… I believed the worst in you - something you’ve never shown me at all - more than I believed everything you’ve proven to me. I can’t… I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”

Tears are streaming down Castiel’s face now, and Dean _has_ to reach up to wipe them away. Castiel leans into his touch needily, and Dean pulls him against him again for another hug. He clearly needs it, and the last thing Dean wants is to see Cas looking so heartbroken.

“I’m not gonna lie, Cas. That hurt a lot.” Dean says it softly, hoping he doesn’t make him feel any worse, but needing to tell him anyway.

“I know,” Castiel gasps. “I could see it on your face, and still... I was so angry I just ignored it. I… I think I hurt your finger, too, didn’t I?” Castiel asks.

Dean nods. “Yeah, but it’s okay now. Don’t worry about that.”

“That’s not who I am, Dean. Not who I want to be. I’m so, so sorry.” Castiel’s shoulders are shaking. “And I - I understand if you don’t - if you don’t want to be with me anymore.”

“I’m not leavin’ you,” Dean says quickly. “We obviously have some shit to work through, but I’m not gonna bail just because it got a little bit harder.”

Castiel pushes away from Dean to look him in the eye. “R-really?”

“‘Course, Cas. I told you. I’m crazy about you, and I love Claire. You’re starting to be the two most important people in my life. I’m not givin’ that up without a hell of a fight.”

Castiel’s entire body sags with relief and tears roll down his cheeks again. “I thought I lost you. I thought I lost you before we’d ever have the chance to see where this might go.”

“No,” Dean reminds him gently. “You didn’t lose me. I know you’ve been hurt in the past, and I told you before that I’d tell you every day how much I care about you and how I think you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I will. I’ll keep tellin’ you every day because it’s more true every time I see you. But…” Dean stops to take a steadying breath. He doesn’t want to hurt Cas, but he has to say this. “I don’t know what else I can do to make you not jump to the worst possible conclusion every time you think I might’ve done something wrong. You gotta help me figure that part out because I don’t know how many times I can take somethin’ like this. You… you broke my heart, Cas.”

“Oh, Dean,” Castiel sighs sadly, throwing himself at him again, and Dean suddenly has a lap full of Castiel. He sits back on Dean’s knees and pulls him into his chest, hugging him, kissing the top of his head and stroking his hands through his hair. “I didn’t mean to. I would _never_ mean to,” he assures him. He somehow gets his legs out from under him and wraps them around Dean, before he scooches forwards so that their bodies are flush, dragging his ass across Dean’s dick and making his jaw drop. But then Cas frames his face in his hands, lowers his head to Dean’s, and kisses him. Cas kisses him so softly, like he thinks he’s fragile and he might break. Like he’s afraid he might shatter into a million pieces if he doesn’t kiss him with as much care as he possibly can, and Dean feels emotional all over again. How could he ever want to leave this behind? Leave Cas when he’s the only one who’s ever been able to make him feel _like this?_ Dean’s hands naturally land low on Castiel’s lower back, wanting him closer still. Castiel suddenly licks his way into his mouth, and kisses him with so much unrestrained passion and desperation he wonders if his body’s going to burst into flames.

Castiel’s wrapped around him, kissing him like he wants to eat him alive, and being able to feel Castiel’s cock growing hard against him has Dean reacting automatically. He starts to get lost in pleasure when Cas rolls his hips on top of him. It would be so much easier just feel _this_ instead of everything else, but when Cas gasps his name only a few seconds later, it’s enough of a wake up call for Dean to slow things down.

He wrenches his lips away, gasping for breath before Castiel attacks his neck, drawing a groan from his open mouth and making him wonder why he always has to be the one to say no when all he really fucking wants is to say yes a million times over.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Dean says breathlessly, trying to still his hips with his hands. “Slow down, hon. Not like this, okay? Not right now. We still gotta talk.”

“I’m sorry,” Castiel replies with his eyes closed, also breathing heavily.

“I get it. I wanna be close to you, too. Make you feel good instead of bad. But we gotta talk about what happened first.”

Castiel nods and slides off of Dean’s lap and back onto the couch beside him. Dean tries not to think about how easy it would be to pull him right back on top of him and finish what he just started. They could always talk after...

But now Castiel is inhaling several deep breaths and running his hands through his hair again, and since he seems to be getting himself back together, Dean makes an effort to do the same.

“After your mom and Jess called, they helped me to see reason. They explained everything calmly no matter how much I shouted at them. I, um, probably owe both of them an apology, actually,” Castiel says sheepishly. “Your mom isn’t going to like me anymore after all of this.”

“That’s not true,” Dean insists. “I talked to her and she’s not mad at you. She said she knows you were reacting in anger.”

Castiel nods before he keeps going. “They told me how you had no idea who Arthur was, and I realized you couldn’t have known that he changed his name or what he even looks like because I never told you his last name and I never showed you any photos of him. How were you supposed to know to keep Claire away from him if I never told you anything about him?”

“I did know, though,” Dean argues. “I didn’t know who he was, not really anyway, but the second he reached out to touch Claire I pulled him away from her.”

“I know,” Castiel says, smiling this time. “Your mom showed me the video. Once I saw how you followed your instincts to put some space between him and Claire, even though I saw it hurt your finger in the process, I realized how wrong my initial reaction was. You didn’t even know who he was, but you knew enough not to let him near her. I should’ve known, Dean. I never should’ve doubted you. You would never do anything that would put Claire in danger.”

“I wouldn’t,” Dean agrees. Cas keeps looking at him with those big blue eyes of his, his heart and trust shining in them for Dean to see, and all Dean’s thinking about now is how he let him down. “But I still I fucked up, Cas. I should’ve kept her safe. I shouldn’t have let him near her, or ever fucking touch her, and I swear to god, if I ever see that son of a bitch again I’m going to rip his fucking face off.”

“I hope I’m there to see that,” Castiel says with a small smile. “But you didn’t fuck up. You didn’t know. I know that if you did you wouldn’t have given him the time of day. You never would’ve trained him and you never would’ve brought him down to the daycare. I’m sorry I let fear and my own insecurities make me forget that for even a second. You’ve been… so patient, and so understanding, and you didn’t deserve for me to react that way today.”

Dean nods, feeling better hearing him admit that he was wrong and that he shouldn’t have reacted that way. “Thanks for saying that,” Dean says somewhat awkwardly. “But… what about the next time you see me with somebody like that, though? Are you gonna react the same way?”

Castiel lets out another loud breath. “I want to say no. I want to tell you that I’m going to be able to remember this and remember that you would never hurt us. But honestly? I don’t know, Dean. I’m sorry. I wish I could tell you something different.”

“At least you’re not lyin’ about it,” Dean says with half a smile. “Tell me this, then. Is it gonna be like this forever? Are you gonna be standing there with my ring on your finger after twenty years of me never doin’ you wrong and still think that I might, all because of two dickwads who were too fucking stupid to know how good they had it when they were with you?”

“No,” Castiel says, his voice a little rougher than it was before. “I don’t believe that. I have faith that I’ll get there. I’m so close already, and we really haven’t known each other that long. You know, it’s only _because_ I allowed myself to trust you so completely that seeing you with him broke me like that.”

“Whaddya mean?” Dean asks.

“I did exactly what I said I wouldn’t do,” Castiel says with a small shrug. “I said we would take this slow because I always fall too fast, and I owed it to Claire not to let another man into her life who didn’t want to be there. But I barely made it… what? Two days without touching you the way I wanted to. A week before I gave in again and said we could date _after_ I already allowed you to stay the night with Claire here. It was barely another week before I wanted to be your boyfriend. And now, two weeks later I’m… falling for you already.” Dean’s heart leaps in his chest and he can’t help the smile that spreads across his face. He takes Castiel’s hand and brings it to his lips so he can kiss it. “I just… I see you with Claire, and for the first time in her life, I see somebody other than me who loves her. Who she loves back just as much. Somebody who wants to be there for her, and somebody who has the parental instinct to protect her after only knowing her for a month. Then I see the way you look at me, and I feel all these things you make me feel and it’s impossible not to fall for you, even though I know intellectually I’m being stupid all over again.”

Dean finally finds his voice to say, “You’re not, though. It’s not like those other times because I’m not gonna hurt you, Cas.”

“I know,” Castiel says with a smile. “That’s why seeing you with Arthur this afternoon made me react so strongly. Because I believed you when you told me that. Because even though I swore I wouldn’t, I let down my guard and allowed you to be a part of not only my life, but Claire’s too. I know I was wrong now, but at the time, I thought history was repeating itself again and I felt like the world’s biggest idiot for trusting you so completely this quickly. I never thought you’d do that to us.”

“Because I won’t,” Dean says again. “I’m uh, really freaking happy to hear you feel the same about me as I do you,” he admits with a half smile. “I never expected to fall head over heels for a one year old and her dad in a month, but I’m more than halfway there and I’ve never been happier.”

“Really?” Castiel asks, hope shining in his eyes now. “Even when I’m neurotic and jealous and jump to terrible conclusions?”

“Well, I’d obviously take a little less of that stuff,” he says, and they both laugh a little. “But I love everything else about you. God, Cas, I was so fucking scared when I thought we were done. I feel like this could be the start of something good, you know -”

“ - I think so, too,” Castiel interrupts to add, his voice soft.

“And I was devastated to think it was over. I thought I’d never get to see Claire again. I couldn’t stop crying when I kept thinking about her asking for me and not understanding why I wasn’t around…” he starts getting choked up again talking about it, and this time Castiel comforts him.

“I will never do that to you,” he promises. “Or Claire. If you hurt her or neglect her in some way, that would be different. But you wouldn’t do that. So I can promise you right now I will not take her away and never allow you to see her again.”

Oh god. The relief he feels just hearing those words is overwhelming and he’s fighting back tears all over again. “I know she’s not mine...” Dean tries to say, but Castiel interrupts him.

“But you love her, and she loves you. She wouldn’t have kissed you if she didn’t love you as much as you love her,” Castiel reminds him. Dean gives him a watery smile remembering it. “I don’t want to take that away from either of you. I’ve been wishing for somebody to come along who would love her the way I do, and now we found you, and it’s so much better than I thought it would be. I’m sorry I put us through all of this,” Castiel says again.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know Alexander was actually Arthur.”

Castiel leans in to kiss him again gently, and Dean allows them both to have this for just a couple of seconds to try and get their feet back under them. Their lips fit together easily and move together perfectly the way they always do. Instead of trying to silence them for fear of moving too quickly, Dean lets himself actually feel all of the feelings inside of him for the first time.

He’s falling in love with Cas, and Castiel is falling in love with him, too.

It’s him this time who parts Castiel’s lips with his tongue, and though he doesn’t crawl into Castiel’s lap, he deepens the kiss, pouring as much feeling as he can into it, wanting him to know how much he cares about him and how happy he is that he doesn't have to lose what’s becoming one of the best things in his life.

He breaks their kiss only a few seconds later. He doesn’t want to, but he still has so many questions he has to ask and he doesn’t want to get too distracted and forget to ask them.

“Dean,” Castiel breathes, their foreheads touching and breath mingling between them. “I know I’m… difficult sometimes and this hasn’t been easy, but please… _please_ don’t give up on me.”

He sounds so sad and vulnerable, and Dean knows there’s a snowball’s chance in hell that he’s ever gonna give up on how Cas makes him feel, so he promises.

“I won’t, Cas. I won’t give up on you, honey, I promise.”

Castiel nods, kisses him once more, and straightens back up so he’s sitting beside him again.

“So, uh, do you know why Arthur would want to do what he did today?” Dean asks.

Castiel’s entire body language changes in an instant. He sits up straighter and he squares his shoulders. “No. I don’t. And that’s what bothers me the most.”

“You don’t think he’s trying to get to Claire?” Dean asks him.

“I can’t imagine why he would want to. Biologically and legally, he has no rights to her. He barely spent any time with her at all as an infant, and when we divorced, he signed away any rights he could have tried to fight for later without a fuss. Still, I offered for him to see her a couple of times afterwards, and he always declined. He wanted nothing to do with her then. I can’t even begin to wrap my head around why he’d go to so much trouble to see her now. Especially since if he had just called and asked to see her… I probably would have allowed it.”

Dean’s back goes up at that. “You _what?_ ”

Castiel shrugs sheepishly. “I don’t know. He was there when she was born. He was meant to be her father, too.”

“But he wasn’t! He isn’t!” Dean argues, panic and fear beginning to set in. “A father wants to spend time with his daughter. A father hangs around and helps his family instead of fucking around behind their backs. A father doesn’t just let his daughter be carried out the door and then never bother to see her again!”

“Dean,” Castiel says quietly. “Just because he may want to be around again doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t be able to be, too.”

Dean scoffs, irritated that Cas saw right through to what's actually bothering him about this. “Yeah, right. I’m nothing to you compared to him. He was your first love, your first boyfriend. You were with him for years and you've barely even known me a month. You were married and had a kid together for god’s sake.”

“A child that he left behind after he cheated on me with dozens of men. It’s not even a contest. You’re ten times the man he is, and _you’re_ the kind of father I want Claire to have some day, not him. And there’s literally nothing he could say or do to change my mind about that.”

“I still don’t like it,” Dean says bitterly.

“Neither do I, to be honest with you. But remember, he _hasn’t_ asked. He hasn’t tried to contact me or talk to me at all. I would’ve told you if he had,” he promises.

“Then what was the point of today if not to see Claire?” They’re both silent for a few minutes, thinking, before Dean says, “He asked for me personally, you know. Not just any trainer. But me. He pushed so that I’d see him this week instead of next week, and he asked to see the daycare. He - _fuck_ \- he even said he has a little girl,” Dean remembers.

“Maybe he does,” Castiel offers.

“Claire’s not his! She’s - yours,” Dean says, stumbling over the _ours_ that almost came out of his mouth. “I don’t want a slime ball like that anywhere close to her!”

“Okay,” Castiel says quietly. “I know. I know how you feel. Trust me, I understand. That’s why I had him added to the restricted list at the gym. He won’t be able to get anywhere near her there.”

“I’d like to see him try,” Dean growls.

“If it bothers you this much and he ever does contact me asking to see her, we’ll both be there, okay? As a couple. For Claire.”

Dean nods. He can’t argue with that. He doesn’t even know why Cas is letting him have a say at all.

“What I meant before was that maybe he does have another daughter. Maybe he really was interested in seeing the daycare and everything else was just a coincidence?” Castiel asks hopefully.

“Why’d he ask for me, then?” An idea dawns. “Do you think Ketch is a big enough asshole that the whole point was to try to get me to cheat on you with him?”

Castiel frowns, his lips forming a tight line. “Again, I don’t know why he would go to the trouble of attempting that when he’s never tried to reconcile with me at all in the last year. But I will say that it doesn’t seem entirely outside the realm of possibility. Maybe not to get me back, but just to hurt me? He wasn’t particularly pleased that I left.”

“He was comin’ on pretty strong, too. He kept his hands to himself or I would’ve punched him, but the dude was not backing off, and he seemed a little bit more pissed every time I shot him down.”

“That sounds like him,” Castiel says dryly.

“How’d you not get bad vibes from him?” Dean asks. He’s been wondering that off and on since he realized who he was. “Me and Jess could barely even stand to talk to the guy without feeling dirty.”

Castiel sighs. “I don’t know. I told you before that I’m a terrible judge of character. But I do stand by that he can be very charming when he wants to be.”

“Probably didn’t help any if he was always as ripped as he was today, either,” Dean admits.

Castiel’s eyes narrow. “You noticed he was ripped?”

Dean rolls his eyes playfully. “In a professional kinda way. It’s my job to assess my clients’ athleticism and potential, you know.”

“Still don’t like it,” Castiel says, but Dean can tell he’s not actually mad.

“Know what I like? You,” Dean reminds him, leaning in to kiss him a few times, making loud kissing noises and causing Castiel to start laughing against his lips. “That’s better. You’re so much cuter when you smile.”

Castiel’s cheeks turn a little pink and Dean leans in again to kiss one of them.

“Are we okay, Dean?” he asks.

Dean nods. “We’re okay,” he replies. “You’re gonna have to work on not thinkin’ the worst of me, but if you can do that, I can be patient and wait for you to get there. And whatever Ketch is after, we can deal with it together.”

“That sounds so much better than trying to deal with it all myself. I was… a mess when I got home. Claire got applesauce and a yogurt for dinner because I couldn’t even concentrate long enough to cook her anything,” Castiel admits.

“I sat on the floor in my office crying into Sam’s shoulder like a baby for who knows how long,” Dean says with a little huff of embarrassed laughter. “Don’t think I’ve cried like that since I was a kid. Only managed to stop when my mom and Jess came in, too.”

“I hate that I’ve made you cry,” Castiel says quietly, reaching out to take his hand.

“I hated the idea of not being with you,” Dean confesses, feelings swirling inside of him again.

Their eyes meet and Dean feels that spark between them that always seems to be there. Castiel’s voice comes out so soft it’s almost a whisper when he says, “I don’t want that to ever happen.”

“God, me neither,” Dean replies, not even allowing himself to think about how it’s too fast to think something like that let alone say it.

Then he closes the distance between them to kiss Castiel again. How could he _not_ kiss him after a declaration like that? They crush their lips together desperately, and when Castiel hooks his hand behind his neck to pull him closer, Dean already knows he’s not gonna be able to stop this time. He doesn’t want to. He wants to be close to Cas, to have this with him, in whatever way Cas wants to. So he kisses him back just as hard, and lets his hand run down his chest and around his waist, touching him everywhere he can. He’s not surprised when Castiel gets to his feet only a few minutes later and pulls him towards his bedroom, licking into his mouth and stopping to let Dean press him against the wall several times on the way.

He _is_ surprised when they finally get into the bedroom and Castiel pulls his shirt off and then helps Dean do the same. Although they’ve been intimate like this a few times now, Cas has never tried to take off either of their clothes except for that one time after their date. But even as he's thinking about that, Castiel’s mouth lands on Dean’s chest, kissing his way across it, stopping to linger anytime Dean makes a sound of pleasure and Dean forgets all about being surprised in favor of allowing his entire body to be devoured inch by inch.

He’s already completely hard and aching for Castiel’s touch when Cas sinks to his knees in front of him and Dean’s brain might short circuit from the sight alone. Cas kneeling in front of him with those big blue eyes looking up all wide and innocent just _does things_ to him, and before Dean can begin to deal with it, Castiel starts working on Dean’s fly, pulling down his jeans and his boxers all at once. His cock bobs in front of Castiel’s face and Dean bites down on his bottom lip to stop from moaning in anticipation.

“When we get those test results back…” Castiel says, letting his voice trail off. Dean watches as Cas leans his face forwards and presses soft, teasing little kisses all around the wiry hair at the base of his cock as he rubs and tugs on Dean’s balls just right. “... I’m going to make you feel so good, Dean.”

“You are,” Dean rasps. “So fucking good already.”

Castiel nuzzles his face against Dean’s throbbing cock and runs a single finger up the underside of his erection. Dean can feel his breath warm on his sensitive skin as he lets his eyes drift closed.

“How bad do you want me to suck you off right now?”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Dean gasps as his dick twitches in response. Cas talking dirty might be his new favorite thing.

“Soon,” Castiel promises. “I want to, too. I want to taste you so badly.” He places a single chaste kiss right where his shaft meets the head and Dean sucks in a breath.

Before Dean can make his brain work enough to form a response, Castiel is back up on his feet and pulling off his own pants. He closes the distance between their bodies instantly so that their hard cocks brush together, and wastes no time before his hand circles around them both, swiping his thumb over their slits and dragging a moan from Dean’s throat where Castiel’s lips follow like a magnet.

Dean lets his hands slide down to cup Castiel’s ass the best he can with both hands, squeezing his cheeks and pulling him closer to his body. He has such a firm little ass that it drives Dean crazy anytime he can get his hands on it. It’s Castiel's turn to make a sound of pleasure and then Dean feels his teeth scrape across his collarbone.

“On the bed,” Castiel urges him, but Dean finds his lips first, and kisses him hard. His hands come up to bury themselves into Castiel’s soft hair, and he tugs a little, angling Castiel’s head exactly how he wants it so he can suck on the tip of his tongue the way he knows he likes so much.

“Dean,” Castiel growls against his lips, and then he pushes him back bit by bit until Dean gets on the bed like he asked him to.

Dean huffs when he lands on the mountain of pillows again.

“Stupid fucking -” he starts, but he’s cut off when Castiel takes his cock into his hand again and squeezes hard, walking the line between pleasure and pain so perfectly Dean completely forgets about everything except for thrusting up into his fist.

“What was that?” Castiel teases, nipping at his ear.

“Don’t fucking stop,” Dean insists, and Castiel laughs and then does exactly what Dean asked him not to, and stops to throw the pillows onto the floor. “You fucker,” Dean complains, but Castiel has his chest draping over his face now, so he leans up to lap at his nipple before he sucks on it _hard_ as payback. Castiel thrusts down against his stomach and arches his back, so Dean reaches out to get his hands on that ass again as he pulls his nipple between his teeth.

“Mmm Dean,” Castiel moans.

Dean kisses his way up to his neck while Castiel shimmies back down until they’re face to face and their cocks line up between them. Castiel kisses him breathless until they’re both writhing, moving together searching for more, and Castiel reaches into his nightstand to grab the lube.

“Roll over for me, sweetheart,” Castiel urges Dean, pushing him a little so that he knows he doesn’t want him to turn towards him, but away.

Dean’s heart jackhammers in his chest. He’s never bottomed before, and he had no idea they were about to have sex for the first time. “Uhm, Cas…” Dean starts, not exactly sure how to talk about this right now when all he wants is for Cas to make him come.

“Not for that,” Castiel says quietly.

“‘Kay,” Dean answers, and rolls onto his side without another thought. He feels Castiel’s lips hot on the back of his neck and across his shoulder.

“Your back is so unbelievably sexy.” Castiel moves his lips across it, and he can feel his tongue trailing a wet line over his shoulder blades and down the middle of his back before he begins his way back up. “I look at how broad your shoulders are all the time and how much strength you have here,” he says running his hands over them, “and think about how easily you’d be able to pick me up and throw me around if you wanted to.”

“Caaas,” Dean whines. If he could use his right hand he’d be stroking himself right now thinking about what Cas is saying.

“I think about how good you’ll look when I fuck you from behind,” he says next, and while there’s a pang of fear and nerves twisting inside of him, he can’t deny the thrill of excitement that comes with it.

He hears the click of the lube and then the sound of it squirting into what he assumes is Cas’s hand. Castiel’s lips don’t stop working at his skin, and move their way up to the bend of his neck. Dean turns his head to the side, giving him more access, and feels him increase his efforts, dragging another breathy moan from him.

“Please, Cas,” Dean asks him. He doesn’t really know what he’s asking for or what Cas has in mind, he just wants more.

He can hear Cas’s quick inhale and how he exhales on a groan. “I love hearing you say my name like that,” he admits, and then he moves closer to Dean so that he’s spooning him from behind. One arm snakes under Dean’s body until it finds its place under the pillow Dean’s head is on, then his chest is pressed to Dean’s back, and Dean’s just thinking about how fucking good skin to skin feels when Castiel’s slicked up cock runs between his ass cheeks.

He jerks forwards instinctively, not used to feeling anything _down there_ , but Castiel’s hand (still slightly slippery from the lube) rests on his hip and stills him. He feels his lips behind his ear and hears his soft, “Shh. It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m not gonna push you.”

Dean nods and then turns his head more to the side so he can see Cas behind him.

“Just like this,” Castiel tells him, and he slides his dick along his crack and his perineum until he nudges his balls from behind.

Dean gasps. He’s never felt anything like this before and it’s actually pretty hot.

“Okay?” Castiel asks him, kissing him on the corner of his mouth.

“Okay,” Dean agrees, turning more so that Castiel can kiss him. It’s a little awkward because of the way they’re positioned, but it erases any of Dean’s remaining nerves and makes him want more again.

“You feel unbelievable. Your ass is perfect,” Castiel says, filling his insides with warmth from his praise.

Then Castiel’s hand slides down his hip until he takes Dean’s heavy cock into his hand. Dean lets out a long moan when Cas slicks him up with the remaining lube on his hand, and starts stroking him in time with his cock slipping between his ass cheeks. He has a rhythm going within a couple of strokes and all of the stimulation combined with Castiel’s lips now working their way up and down Dean’s neck over and over has his breath coming out a lot harder all of the sudden.

“Rock with me,” Castiel asks him, nipping at his earlobe, and then his hand is back on his hip, showing him how he wants him to move.

Dean follows his lead, and finds it feels even better when he participates. When Castiel’s hand closes around his cock again and Dean thrusts forwards into his fist, his head lolls backwards in pleasure.

“Fuck that feels good,” Dean admits breathily.

“Love being close to you like this,” Castiel answers, kissing him right behind his ear, and Dean’s even more aroused when he hears how wrecked he sounds. “You make me feel so much, Dean. It’s never been like this before.”

“Never,” Dean agrees, wondering how Cas stays coherent enough to praise him in full sentences. “Never wanna lose you,” slips from his lips next.

A whiny little sound escapes from Castiel before his hips speed up, and he increases the speed of his hand, too, while he gasps out his name between kisses. “Dean, Dean, Dean.”

Dean reaches out with his left hand to find Castiel’s hand under the pillow and slides their fingers together before he brings it to his lips to kiss it. He’s so full of feelings and he _needs_ this additional connection so badly that he doesn’t even let go when Castiel brings his hand to wrap around his shoulder. Dean just holds on as he fucks forwards into Cas’s fist, then back against his fat cock, feeling his pleasure mounting with each stroke.

“I’ve wanted this. Wanted you like this for so long. Want you all the time, Dean. Every day.”

“Getting close, Cas. You’re so good. So perfect. Make me feel… everything,” Dean sighs.

“Nnnggg Dean, oh, Dean,” Castiel pants behind him. Dean can feel his breathing getting heavier, his thrusts becoming more erratic. “Can I come like this, Dean? Can I come all over that perfect ass of yours?”

“Yeah,” Dean answers quickly, feeling desire pump through his veins at the very thought. “Want you to. Wanna feel you lose it when you can’t take it anymore. _Fuck,_ ” he curses, just now realizing how badly he wants that. “Please.”

“Shit,” Castiel gasps, biting down on the meat of Dean’s shoulder.

Arousal curls inside of him when it dawns on him that Cas gets off on him begging.

“Please, Cas. _Castiel_ , fuck. Come on my ass, _please_ ,” he adds, testing his theory, and again, Castiel’s hand tightens almost painfully hard on his cock. The second Dean thrusts through that impossibly tight slicked up tunnel, he feels his body lock up and then he’s spurting hot and thick, again and again over Castiel’s hand and all over the bed sheets in front of him with a helpless cry.

He’s sure he wouldn’t even notice Castiel fucking himself between his ass cheeks if he wasn’t making Dean come even harder as he continues to drive himself into the sensitive skin behind his testicles over and over before Castiel’s hand tightens in his and he rasps out, “ _Dean!_ ” in that deliciously low voice of his. He feels Castiel’s orgasm explode between them as his warm cum spills between his cheeks and all over his ass.

“Ughhh Cas, _fuck_ , that’s hot,” Dean gasps as he feels his boyfriend clutch at him as he empties himself.

When Castiel’s body collapses behind him, he wriggles so that he’s on his back. Castiel pulls his arm out from under him before he snuggles into Dean’s chest. Dean wraps an arm around him and kisses him on the top of the head. They’re both still breathing hard, sweaty and laying in a warm in a puddle of cum, but Dean wouldn’t move if somebody paid him. As Castiel’s cum cools on his skin however, he starts to second guess that thought. Still, Castiel feels perfect in his arms and he figures being sticky from his boyfriend’s jizz is a small price to pay after the fucking fantastic orgasm he just gave him.

“Make up sex is awesome,” Dean says sleepily.  

“I feel pretty confident that any kind of sex with you is going to be awesome.”

Dean huffs out a bit of a laugh but can’t help the way he feels a little proud of himself. He really likes thinking that everything they’ve done together is as good for Cas as it has been for him.

“I like makin’ you feel good,” Dean says, running his hand up Castiel’s arm the best he can with his bad hand.

“In that case, allow me to admit how much I’m looking forward to getting our test results back _and_ getting that stupid splint off of your finger.”

“Nobody’s lookin’ forward to that more than me,” Dean disagrees.

“Mmm. I’m expecting a rapid decline in how needy you are for me after it comes off,” Castiel teases. Except he doesn’t really sound like he’s entirely joking.

“Prepare to be disappointed then,” Dean replies.

Castiel leans up to kiss him under his jaw and Dean figures he said the right thing.

“I’ll be right back with a cloth,” Castiel says. He rolls out of bed and walks gloriously naked to the bathroom, Dean’s eyes following him the whole way. He comes back and wipes off Dean’s now flaccid penis, and drags the cloth between his legs. Dean can’t help the way his body freezes and his eyes go wide. Castiel raises an eyebrow and says in what must be a purposely exaggerated sultry voice, “Spread ‘em, big boy.”

Laughter escapes him without his permission and he relaxes enough for Castiel to part his legs and wipe away his mess. He can feel that his face is beet red, and it only increases after Cas leans down to kiss him on the forehead and then gives his ass a smack before he tosses him a pair of pajama pants.

“Stay with me tonight?” Castiel asks him in a quieter voice.

“Thought that was a given.”

“I can give you a hand in the shower in the morning to make sure your day gets off to a good start,” Castiel says as Dean carefully climbs out of the bed, avoiding any messes on the blanket. Dean’s eyes flick up to Cas to see if he meant for that to come out the way it did, and finds him smiling. He’s gonna take that as a yes.

“I’m gonna have to go back to my place in a towel to get dressed, but I think it’d be worth it. Especially after a pun that good,” Dean responds, grinning.

Castiel tears the comforter off of the bed and leaves it in a heap on the floor on his side of it. “We have to start putting towels down. I’m getting tired of washing that already.”

“How spontaneously sexy that would be,” Dean jokes.

They go into the bathroom together to brush their teeth side by side and Dean’s pretty sure the butterflies in his stomach are fluttering at an all-time high. This is so domestic and he fucking loves it.

After Castiel gives him a moment to himself to use the bathroom, he hesitates outside of Claire’s bedroom. Cas said she’s out like a light when she goes down, so Dean gives into the impulse to ease her door open and peek in on her.

He tiptoes over to her crib and looks down to see her laying on her tummy with her legs tucked underneath her body and her little bottom sticking up in the air.

His lips quirk and he can’t possibly stop himself from reaching in and softly patting her hair. He doesn’t know what he would’ve done if he wasn’t allowed to see her anymore. He really does love her.

“Love you, blondie,” he whispers. It’s the first time he’s ever said it to her, and even though nobody heard it but him, it feels damn good to say it anyway. His eyes are watery again and he knows he needs to get outta here before he starts blubbering all over again. “Sweet dreams.”

He startles when he sees Cas leaning against the doorframe and clutches at his chest in surprise. Castiel is grinning like he thinks it’s funny, and he shoves past him before he crawls into his bed with Cas right behind him.

“You are the world’s sweetest man, Dean Winchester,” Castiel tells him once they’re snuggled together again with the lights out. This time it’s Dean on Cas’s chest, though.

Dean feels his face burning and tries to change the subject. “Yeah, that’s why you tried to give me a heart attack,” Dean deflects.

“I heard you open the door and just wanted to make sure you didn’t hear her cry and I missed it. I didn’t mean to watch you, but I’m glad I did.”

“Didn’t know you were there,” Dean says quietly.

“I figured that much out when you almost jumped out of your skin. I guess it’s up to me to protect us if a burglar ever breaks in,” he teases.

“If you keep bein’ creepy like that you could sneak up behind him and scare the burglar to death and we wouldn’t have to worry about it,” Dean replies and Castiel laughs before he kisses the top of his head.

“Can I ask you something?”

Dean’s heart flip flops in his chest. God only knows what’s coming after an intro like that. “Sure.”

“Was Charlie right when she said you’ve never bottomed before?”

Dean groans in embarrassment. “Knew you weren’t gonna forget about that.”

“We don’t have to talk about it now if it embarrasses you, but we do need to talk about it eventually,” Cas says gently.

Dean sighs heavily. “Yeah. She was telling the truth.”

“Huh,” Castiel offers.

Then there’s what might be the first awkward silence between them to date.

“You’re a top, aren’t you?” Dean finally asks.

“I… feel more comfortable that way. I could explain but I don’t want to divulge too much information about my sexual history because I’m sure you don’t want to hear about it.”

“Damn right I don’t,” Dean answers quickly. “But if there’s somethin’ you need to tell me, you know, about _that,_ then I’ll listen.”

“You’re such a good man,” Castiel praises him. “Without naming names, let’s just say I was never _allowed_ to top in one of my prior relationships. The man was never particularly gentle, and I guess I associate being the bottom with bleeding and being sore for weeks afterwards.”

Dean feels cold fury wash through his body. “ _What the fuck_. Tell me who it was so I can go kill the sick son of a bitch.”

Castiel laughs hollowly and Dean hates the sound of it. He also hates how emotionless and flat Castiel’s voice is when he keeps talking. “I didn’t even know it wasn’t supposed to be like that. And… well, I got off most of the time anyway so it wasn’t as if I could say I didn’t like it.”

“No,” Dean disagrees quickly. “If you fucking _bled_ afterwards and associate sex with pain it doesn’t sound like you liked it.”

“I wouldn’t have, you know, come if I didn’t,” Castiel says in a voice so small it’s almost a whisper.

Dean’s hands are clenched into fists when he asks, “Is that what he told you?” Castiel nods. Dean closes his eyes to search for the kindness he knows Castiel deserves right now. He pushes aside the rage he feels towards whatever fucker made this sweet, kind man _bleed_ and think it was okay. “Cas, honey. People orgasm during rape sometimes. It doesn’t mean they enjoyed it! Bodies are fucked up, okay? You can’t help the way your dick reacts to friction. It’s science or biology or whatever. It doesn’t mean you enjoyed everything else - that you enjoyed being fucked until you bled! Unless, well, you did. Some people are into the pain or whatever. But then that’s a whole other ball game.”

“I didn’t,” Castiel admits quietly. “I hated it. Every second of it. I hated my body for reacting that way when I was in so much pain, and I couldn’t understand why anybody would ever choose to have sex that way if it hurt so badly, or why somebody who was supposed to love and care about me wanted to hurt me like that… but he made it seem like it was normal.”

“Jesus fuck,” Dean curses. “I’m so sorry, honey. I’m so sorry somebody treated you like that and you didn’t know that it should’ve been different. I would never _ever_ do anything to cause you any pain, but I understand why you don’t want to do it that way anyway.”

“I did eventually figure out it could be done without bleeding, but we were broken up by then. When I finally had my turn to top I was exceedingly gentle and overly cautious, making sure there was no pain. But I haven’t been with anybody I’ve trusted enough to try it the other way around since then. Though I do trust you,” he adds quickly. “I’m not completely opposed to the idea… with you… because I know you would never do anything to hurt me.”

Dean knows now that it was Ketch that treated Cas like that, because if he didn’t top until _after_ he was hurt bottoming, it had to be that way. From what Cas has told him, he’s only ever been with those two guys before him. Dean adds that to the list of reasons he’s going to kick the shit out of Ketch, then takes a deep breath and responds to what Castiel just said.

“You’re right, I wouldn’t. I get it, though. The reason I never bottomed was half because everybody took one look at me and just expected me to top, and half because I was never with anybody long enough to trust them to take it easy for my first time. ‘Til now,” he admits quietly.

“You trust me with that?” Castiel asks.

“Yeah, I do. And I know I probably sound like a chick or whatever, but since I’ve already waited this long, I’d kinda like to wait until, you know, we’re… more solid,” he tries to hedge.

“Until we’re in love, you mean?” Castiel checks.

Dean lets out a huff of air. “Why do I even try to beat around the bush with you?”

Castiel chuckles. “I don’t know. You know I’m going to ask anyway.” Dean feels Castiel’s lips press a kiss into his hair. “I am falling in love with you, Dean, but I don’t mind waiting. I didn’t ask the question because I want to have sex right away. I was just curious because of your reaction tonight.”

“I kinda freeze up when you touch my ass,” Dean supplies.

“You do. Are you afraid or just nervous?”

“I can’t believe I have to say this out loud but… it’s embarrassing, you know. What if I’m not _clean_?” Dean says, burying his burning face into Castiel’s chest.

“Well then I’d obviously recoil in disgust and break up with you right then and there. Probably throw up all over you and kick you out of my apartment still naked and dirty.”

Dean huffs, but smiles a little when he replies, “Thank god we’re neighbors.”

“Deeeean,” Castiel groans. “I am perfectly aware of what assholes are made for, and as enjoyable as it can be, it’s not sex. Did you freak out if your partner wasn’t squeaky clean when you topped?”

Dean scrunches his nose up. “Tried not to think about it all that much, and condoms usually got rid of most of the mess, you know.”

“What about your fingers?”

“Ugh,” Dean sighs in frustration, still not wanting to think about it. “I dunno. It’s like I know it’s supposed to be gross but somewhere along the way it just became a part of gay sex. I just wiped off my hands and got to the good part so I didn’t have to worry about it,” he admits all in a rush and Castiel laughs before he squeezes him a little. “But it’s different if it’s _my_ ass and my mess! I don’t want you seeing _that_.”

“I could always wear a blindfold,” Castiel jokes and Dean pokes him in the ribs.

“You’re such a loser,” Dean tells him and Castiel laughs loudly.

“I’m sorry. You’re just so adorable worrying about this. When Sam said you were a neat freak I never thought it would transcend into our sex life.”

“Okay, no. Just no,” Dean says in disgust. “It’s not the same thing. And don’t say my brother’s name and _our sex life_ in the same sentence ever again.”

“My apologies,” Castiel replies, though it doesn’t sound like he’s sorry at all. “In all seriousness, if it really bothers you that much we could plan in advance and you could use an emema.”

Dean shudders. “Yeah, no thanks.”

Castiel chuckles again. “Not my preference either. Just know moving forward that I care about who you are and being with you in the most intimate way we can be together so much more than what little mess there _might_ be because of it. Okay?”

Dean nods before he grumbles, “Can’t believe you made me talk about shit with you _again_.”

“Again?” Castiel echoes.

“Have you already forgotten Diapers 101? I know I haven’t,” Dean explains.

Castiel laughs again. “Why do you even like me?”

“Your fat cock,” Dean answers and Castiel bursts out laughing. Dean feels his body shake under him and wonders if there’s a better sound in the world than hearing somebody you care about laugh hard like this.

“Now I’m blushing,” Castiel finally says.

“Sure, talk about shit and you’re fine, but compliment your dick and you get all shy on me.”

“Nobody’s ever said anything like that to me before!”

“That’s because you’re the one who does the dirty talking,” Dean tells him.

Castiel snorts. “Not before you.”

Dean lifts an eyebrow even though he knows Cas can’t see him. “You just can’t help yourself with me, huh?”

“That’s pretty much it, yes,” Castiel admits, and though Dean can’t see _him_ , he knows he’s smiling.

“You really do have a nice dick though,” Dean says seriously, but Castiel just groans in response and rolls onto his side, and that makes Dean laugh again.

Dean rolls behind him, wrapping his arm around his waist and letting his hand curl up to his chest. Castiel covers his hand with his, gently because of his splint, and Dean brushes his lips over the back of his neck.

“I’ve never been able to talk to somebody like I can with you,” Castiel says suddenly.

“Me neither. Remember Charlie talking about me trying to deflect serious conversations?”

“She’d be so proud of you. You only tried to do it once tonight,” Castiel responds.

Dean flushes because he did try but didn’t know he was caught. “Shut up.”

“I think it’s adorable that you’ll talk to me about sex but you were embarrassed about being overheard telling Claire that you love her. Actually, I think it’s adorable that you wanted to go in and tell her at all even though she’s sleeping.”

“Earlier I thought I wasn’t ever gonna get to tell her,” Dean confesses. “Didn’t wanna miss my chance again.”

“I’m glad we talked. And I’m so glad you’re still here, Dean.”

“I’m not goin’ anywhere,” he promises, kissing the back of his neck again.

“Goodnight.”

Dean’s smiling when he replies, “Night, hon,” and he’s still smiling when he falls asleep only a few minutes later.


	13. Chapter 13

Despite not getting in until close to midnight on Friday, Dean wakes up bright and early so he can go for breakfast with Cas and Claire. At eight o’clock sharp, he knocks on Castiel’s door and hears Cas call for him to come in.

“You know, you can probably just come in without knocking when I know you’re coming over,” Castiel offers after they exchange hellos.

“Yeah?”

“Not as if there’s anything in here you haven’t already seen,” Castiel says with a smile.

“Sounds good to me.”

“Dee!” Claire calls, obviously just now noticing that he’s here. It looks like she was pushing a bulldozer across the floor on her hands and knees, but she pushes herself up to come over to him.

“Hey, blondie,” he says, crouching down to meet her hug.

“Uh!” Claire demands, bouncing.

She wraps her arms around his neck automatically (she's a fast learner, Dean notices), and he picks her up while he kisses her on the cheek. She has a bow in her hair again and it makes Dean smile.

“Pretty hair, buddy.”

Her hand goes straight to her bow and she tugs on it a little.

“Hey! Don’t pull it out, trouble maker!” Dean says, tickling her to try to stop her from doing it. “You look so pretty!”

“Well, it is a special occasion after all,” Castiel tells him with amusement evident in his voice.

Dean grimaces nervously. “I hope I wasn’t supposed to buy a present.”

“No,” Castiel chuckles. “Claire’s officially 17 months old today.”

“Oh... okay. You do a monthly thing for her or something?” Dean asks, not getting why 17 months is special.

“No, not really. There’s just milestones for each month, so that’s how I count,” Castiel explains.

“A year and five months, huh? Better face it. You’re gettin’ old, buddy,” he says to Claire. “Hey, wait,” Dean says, remembering that it’s March 31st and doing the math in his head. “Does that mean her birthday is Halloween?”

“It does,” Castiel smiles.

“Aw! You’re way too cute to be born on such a scary day, aren’t you?”

 _Eat,_ Claire signs, and Dean laughs.

“One track mind, this one. You wanna go get some breakfast? Eat?” Dean asks.

 _Yes_! Claire signs excitedly.

“You ready?” Dean asks Cas.

“Yep. But before we go…” Castiel says, and walks over to press a kiss to his lips. He’s holding Claire so it isn’t anything special, but he smiles anyway, liking that Cas came closer just to kiss him.

“Missed you last night,” Castiel says quietly.

Dean tugs him in for one more quick kiss, which makes Claire squeal with delight for whatever reason, and then they begin their walk to the diner down the street.

“I have some good news,” Dean says once they’re seated at the diner and Claire has some crayons to help entertain her while they wait for their food.

“I’m all ears,” Castiel tells him, though he’s actually helping Claire color her menu like he does every time they come here.

“I got my test results in the mail yesterday.” He pulls the letter out of his jacket pocket and passes it to Cas. “Squeaky clean.”

Castiel gives the paper a cursory glance and then smiles happily. “I got mine back, too, actually. I don’t have them with me, but my results are the same. Squeaky clean,” he echoes.

“Well, well, well. Today seems to have turned into a good day after all,” Dean says, wiggling his eyebrows.

And it is. They spend the whole day together. They play at the park and when Claire naps in the morning they make out a little but eventually take a nap themselves. When they wake up, they do groceries and have lunch. Dean’s almost late getting to Sam’s because Claire’s down for her afternoon nap when it’s time for him to go, and Castiel keeps kissing him and pressing up against him every time he tries to leave. The little shit even gets his pants undone before Dean remembers he has to go and stumbles out of his apartment with them still open, not trusting himself to stay another second. Walking through the hallway to his car with a boner is not an experience he wants to repeat.

Though it was still kinda worth it.

He makes it to Sam’s just on time, and is met with a knowing look from him which he totally ignores.

“Where’s Castiel?” Jess asks him, sounding disappointed.

“Huh?”

“We thought for sure you would’ve brought him so Bently and Claire could play together,” Jess says.

Dean blinks. “I never even thought about it. I just thought I was here to watch Bentley and came by myself like every other time,” Dean admits.

“He didn’t know he was allowed to have his boyfriend over while he was babysitting,” Sam says, making Dean sound like a teenager. “How cute.”

“Shut up.”

“Feel free to invite him over if you want,” Jess tells him. “As long as Bentley still goes to bed at eight.”

“And no sex on the couch!” Sam adds.

Dean ignores his brother again. “I know not to mess with a kid’s bedtime now, don’t worry,” he assures her. Sam and Jess exchange a look and Dean powers through with a question of his own so he doesn’t get asked one instead. “What’re you two up to tonight?”

“Dinner and paint night,” Jess answers.

“Paint night?”

“Yeah, there’s an instructor who will show our class how to paint a decent painting step by step,” Jess explains. Then adds, with a grin, “Plus wine.”  

Dean laughs and looks at Sam. “Have fun with that.”

“Laugh it up, Dean. Your days are coming,” Sam warns him.

“We’ll see about that,” Dean answers, already knowing damn well he’d go to paint night if Cas asked him to.

“Bentley! We’re leaving!” Jess calls up the stairs.

“Bye mom!” Bentley yells back from where ever he is. Dean can’t even see him.

“Watching _Cars 2_ ,” she explains and Dean nods.

“Have fun. Let me know when you’re coming back so I can get my boyfriend to leave,” he jokes.

“We won’t be late this time,” Sam says.

“Whatever. Have fun, love birds!”

Sam gives him the finger as he walks out the door.

He kicks off his shoes and leaves his jacket on the railing before he runs up the stairs.

“Hey buddy, you eat yet?” Dean asks Bentley.

“UNCLE DEAN!” Bentley shouts.

“Every time,” he chuckles to himself. He makes himself comfortable on the couch and checks out where they are in the movie while Bentley crawls onto the couch beside him. Less than a half hour to go, he knows, and decides they’ll grab dinner from somewhere when it’s done.

The second the credits start running Bentley’s on his feet. “I’m hungry,” he declares.

“What do ya know,” Dean says sarcastically. “What do you want to eat?”

“Ice cream!” Bentley tries, and Dean can see the trouble shining in his eyes.

“Gotta hand it to you for tryin’ kid,” Dean laughs. “How about McDonald’s?”

“Can we play in the playroom?” Bentley asks excitedly.

“Sure thing, kiddo.” Then he has an idea. “Gimme two minutes, okay? Why don’t you go pee before we go?”

“I don’t have to go pee,” he argues.

“You know the rules. No goin’ in the car until you at least try,” Dean reminds him.

“Fiiiiine,” Bentley whines, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

Dean’s smiling at how Bentley puts on a show about dragging his feet as he pulls out his phone.

 

 **DEAN:** Wanna go on a dinner date?

 **CASTIEL:** I know there’s more to this question coming…

 **DEAN:** lol ...to McDonald’s? Bentley wants to play in the playroom. Nbd if you were already eating or sick of me or something. Just thought I’d ask :)

 **CASTIEL:** Sure! We might be a bit longer than ten minutes but go ahead without us and we’ll meet you there.

 **DEAN:** Sounds good!

 

Bentley comes racing back into the room.

“Hey buddy, what do you think about Claire comin’ to play at the playroom, too?”

“YA! Do you think she’ll go down the big red slide with me?” Bentley asks.

“I dunno,” Dean says honestly. “Do you think she could get up there?”

“I could help her,” Bentley offers.

“Guess we’ll see when we get there. She might just wanna stick to the baby side of the playground.”

“But you’ll go down the slide with me, right Uncle Dean?” Bentley asks.

“Don’t I always?” Dean replies. “Just still gotta be careful with my finger.”

“Okay! Can we go?”

“Sure. Let’s get your coat and shoes on,” Dean prompts him.

“I don’t wanna wear my coat,” Bentley complains.

Dean considers. It’s not _that_ cold outside. And they’ll only be outside long enough to walk from the car into McDonalds. “What about that sweater you have with the dinosaur spikes on the hood?”

“I LOVE my dino sweater!”

“K, let’s go grab that, then.”

With the dinosaur hoodie and running shoes on, Dean grabs the keys for Jess’s Mitsubishi Lancer and locks the door behind him. He gets Bentley buckled into his seat, smiling to himself when he fixes his chest clip, and then gets behind the wheel. He sends the Impala a final wistful look but squashes it down quickly when he remembers what a bitch it is to move car seats around.

It’s a short drive, and soon they’re pulling into the parking lot. He’s surprised to see Cas’s car already in there. Looks like he didn’t need more than ten minutes after all. Either that, or Dean and Bentley took longer getting ready to go than he realized.

When they walk in, Bentley takes off towards Castiel right away.

“Hi Cas! Hi Claire!”

Castiel laughs, likely because Bentley called him Cas like Dean does.

“Hi, Bentley. This is pretty exciting, huh?” Castiel replies.

“I wanna get the Bowser toy!” Bentley exclaims looking at the display of toys behind him.

“Hey handsome,” Dean says to Cas, which makes him smile and look at the ground in that shy way he does. “Did you order already?”

“We did, but just a minute ago. Want us to go get a table?”

“That’d be great. Bentley! What’re you eating? Nuggets?”

“And apples! And fries! And chocolate milk!”

“Clearly, you’ve done this before,” Dean says. “Come on, we’ll go order.” He holds his hand out for him.

“I wanna go with Claire!”

“That’s fine, he can come with us,” Castiel says. “Want to pick out a table, Bentley?”

“Yeah!” Bentley says excitedly.

“Gimme your number then and I’ll grab your food for you,” Dean offers.

“I can come back and get it,” Castiel argues.

“Or you can stop bein’ a pain in the ahhh- butt and give me your number,” Dean returns.

Castiel smiles sheepishly before handing it to him. “Thank you.”

Dean orders a Big Mac for himself and Bentley’s Happy Meal, and keeps checking over his shoulder to make sure Bentley’s behaving for Cas while he waits for their food. Castiel’s comes out first and Dean tells the kid behind the counter to put their orders on the same tray. A few minutes later, Dean and Bentley’s comes out and he swings by the drink fountain to get himself a Coke and Cas a root beer, a pile of napkins (because kids) and some ketchup.

“Who’s hungry?” Dean says, announcing his presence as he approaches the table.

Bentley and Castiel both say, “Me!” and Claire signs _eat_ from her high chair _._

Dean and Cas work at getting the kids’ meals spread out for them - opening their apples, popping the boxes open of their nuggets, and pouring out their fries. Castiel tears Claire’s nuggets into bite sized pieces and Dean puts the straw in Bentley’s chocolate milk.

“All good?” Dean asks Bentley.

“Mmmhmm!” he answers with his mouth already full of french fries.

Dean takes out his own burger and container of fries and empties the fries into the top of the box.

“Got ketchup for us,” he tells Cas.

“I don’t eat ketchup,” Castiel replies.

“ _What?_ Who doesn’t like ketchup?”

“Me, obviously,” Castiel answers, smiling.

“Ketchup’s good!” Bentley insists.

“See!”

“I’m glad you think so,” Castiel says before he takes a bite of his burger.

Dean gets an eyeful of Castiel’s burger when he bites into it and frowns at it. “Is your burger _plain_?”

Castiel chews and swallows before he says, “No. There’s cheese and bacon on it.”

“ _Just_ cheese and bacon?” Castiel shrugs in answer. “When you said you don’t eat vegetables I didn’t think it went to no condiments on your burger. That’s so weird, man.”

“Yes, I’ve been hearing that my whole life. I eat everything plain. What’s on your burger?”

“Everything,” Dean answers with his mouth full. Then he shakes his head. “I can’t believe I’ve known you a month and didn’t know you don’t eat anything on your burger.”

Castiel shrugs again good naturedly. “You did know what to get me to drink though,” he reminds him.

“Can I go play in the playroom now?” Bentley asks.

Dean looks across from him and sees most of his food still sitting there. “No. You can go after you finish your supper, though,” he tells him.

“All of it?”

“Do you usually eat all of it?” Dean asks him, knowing the answer already.

“Yeah,” Bentley admits on a sigh.

“Then yeah. Eat up or no toy and no playroom,” Dean says.

“Man, you’re strict,” Castiel teases.

“Yeah, you’re next so watch out,” Dean tells him, smiling.

“Was Cas bad, Uncle Dean?” Bentley asks.

Castiel snorts beside him and Dean laughs before he answers, “Not yet, but maybe he will be later.” Castiel starts laughing beside him, covering his full mouth with his hand and looking adorable as hell when he does it. “Jess said they won’t be late tonight by the way.”

“I’ll wait up, but I can’t promise I’ll be awake enough to _misbehave_... if that’s why you want to come over,” Castiel says, adding the last part quietly and awkwardly.

“What? No. I don’t care about that, I was just teasing you. As long as I get to sleep in your bed I’m happy, okay?”

“Are you having a sleepover? Can I have a sleepover, too? I have a Ninja Turtles sleeping bag!” Bentley exclaims.

“Not tonight, buddy, but maybe next time I babysit we can have a sleepover,” Dean offers.

“You can sleep in your sleeping bag on the floor in Claire’s room,” Castiel agrees.

“And Uncle Dean’s gonna sleep in your bed?” Bentley asks.

“If I’m lucky,” Dean answers, nudging Cas.

“Dean,” Castiel chastises him.

“What?”

“Do Sam and Jess want you to tell him that kind of thing?” Castiel asks him quietly.

“I dunno. Who cares?” he says with a laugh, which earns him a look from Cas.

“Cas is your girlfriend, right, Uncle Dean?”

Dean can’t help the laughter that rolls out of him and Castiel glares at him again before he turns to Bentley with an amused look on his face.

“Do I look like a girl to you, Bentley?” Castiel asks, teasing him.

“No,” Bentley laughs. “That’s silly!”

“He’s my _boy_ friend,” Dean corrects him.

Bentley lets out a giggle of his own. “That’s so funny!”

“ _You’re_ funny,” Dean says back.

“I only have two chicken nuggets left!” Bentley suddenly seems to realize. Then he looks over at Claire and says, “Hey! She ate all her chicken already!”

“That’s because she’s eating instead of flapping her lips,” Dean says, and Bentley laughs again. “You’re just like your mom.”

“Mommy and daddy are painting,” Bentley declares. “Can we paint when we go back to my house?”

“We’ll see how long we stay and play, okay?”

“Mmm, the fries are so much better here than when I get them to go,” Castiel comments.

“McDonald’s fries are the best,” Dean agrees.

There’s a few minutes of more babbling from Bentley before Castiel says, “You must have gotten Bentley’s seat in your car okay to get here?”

“Oh, no. I just drove Jess’s car. But you know, I was kinda thinking about buying a car seat for Baby. Bentley could use it, but it’d mostly be for Claire, so we could take my car sometimes when we go places. Would, uh, that be weird for you?”

Castiel shakes his head. “No. Not at all. I wouldn’t have suggested you do that, but if you don’t mind the cost,” Castiel finishes with a shrug.

“How much are they? A hundred bucks?”

“Some are, yes. The one Claire has is more like three hundred, but you wouldn’t need to get one like that,” Castiel assures him.

“That’s gotta be one of the best ones though, right?” Castiel nods, which makes up Dean’s mind rather quickly. “Then yeah, I’m definitely getting one of those.”

“Three hundred dollars is a lot of money. If… things don’t work out between us, will you even get any use out of it? Bentley won’t be in a five point harness much longer.”

Dean frowns while his heart sinks in his chest. _If things don’t work out between us_. He tries to play off his question like a joke, though his mind is whirling. “You tryin’ to tell me you’re thinking about breaking up with me, Cas?”

“No, of course not. I just worry about you throwing your money around like that.”

“I’m not exactly hurting for money,” Dean says honestly. “And I thought we were okay again,” he says, his frown deepening. _Everybody always leaves_ , he reminds himself. He’s been dumb enough to think that Cas wasn’t going to. He’s actually been relaxed enough to stop waiting for the day when Cas decides he’s had enough of him, and the reminder hits him square in the chest. Cas could decide to break up with him tomorrow and there’s not a damn thing he can do about it. How did he _forget_ that?

“We are,” Castiel replies, reaching out to rest a hand on his knee. “We’re better than okay. You make me very happy.”

_So happy you don’t think we’re going to last long enough for me to get any use out of a car seat for Claire._

No. He can’t do this.

He doesn’t want to have this talk now or ever. He doesn’t want to hear Cas say these things now because he’ll only be more blindsided whenever he starts talking about them breaking up the next time. No.

“Don’t worry about the seat thing for now,” Dean says, desperate to put an end to the conversation that’s making him feel so shitty. Now that Bentley’s been quiet for two minutes, he’s making good progress on his food. He’s only got a handful of fries left, and Dean uses that as an excuse to change the subject. “Look how much faster you can eat when you’re not talkin’, huh, Bentley?”

“I only have seven fries left!”

“Dean,” Castiel says quietly, trying to get his attention again.

“Not right now,” Dean says again, more firmly this time. He can’t talk about this with the kids here and when all he’s feeling is this sinking feeling of disappointment inside of him. Claire seems to be on his team for changing the subject because she signs _all done_ from her seat and starts banging on her tray.

“Good job, Claire Bear,” Castiel tells her, though he sounds somewhat distracted. He grabs a baby wipe from the diaper bag and wipes off her hands and face.

“I’m all done, too!” Bentley tells Dean.

“Thatta boy, knew you could eat it all.”

“ _Now_ can I go play?” Bentley asks.

“You bet. No fighting with the other kids, no climbing up the slides, and no squealing at the top of your lungs like last time,” Dean reminds him.

Bentley gets to his feet and dances side to side. Dean looks at him questioningly. “You need to pee again?” Dean asks him.

“No,” he answers, the _duh_ is implied in his tone of voice.

“What’s with the dance then?”

“I’m waiting for Claire.”

“I’ll come in with you guys,” Castiel tells him, lifting Claire out of her seat.

“We can see them through the glass,” Dean reminds Cas. “And Bentley’s gonna take good care of her, aren’t you, Bentley?” The words slip out before he remembers he doesn’t want the opportunity to be alone with Cas because he doesn’t want to have _the talk_ he knows Cas is going to insist on.

Bentley nods earnestly. “I’ll help her and make sure none of the big kids get her,” he promises.

Castiel sighs, but nods, and places Claire on the floor. Dean feels a surge of pride watching how Cas is fighting the urge to go with her. He’s come so far in the short time he’s known him. Hopefully he keeps it up after he dumps him.

“Don’t forget to take off your shoes,” Dean tells Bentley.

“Oh, I have to get Claire’s,” Cas comments.

“I can take her shoes off,” Bentley says with confidence. He holds out his hand and Claire takes it, and the two of them walk to the door of the play room where Bentley shoulders it open. Dean and Cas watch while they both sit on the floor in front of the shoe caddy. Bentley takes off his shoes, then pulls Claire’s off, knocking her backwards in the process but making them both laugh anyway. Bentley puts both of their shoes away and then they hold hands again, and Bentley follows Claire to the baby play section.

“Well, that’s adorable,” Castiel says from beside Dean.

“He’s such a good kid,” Dean agrees.

“I haven’t had much of a chance to see Claire with other kids. Your mom told me that she doesn’t really play with other children at daycare, and she was the same at her last daycare, whenever she went. But she really seems to like Bentley, and he’s so kind to her. It’s really nice to see.”

Dean nods along. “I’m gonna get rid of some of this garbage,” he says, gathering up some stuff onto the tray and getting up to go throw it into the trash.

Cas puts his arm around him when he comes back and Dean stiffens and tries not to shrug it off even though that’s what he really wants to do. _If things don’t work out between us_ is still echoing in his head. He knows it’s stupid to focus on it, but he’s been even more stupid by letting himself think about the big picture with Cas. About spending every weekend in Cas’s bed, having breakfast with Cas and Claire, watching Claire grow up… all while Cas is thinking _if things don’t work out between us_. It’s like a slap in the face.

“Dean,” Castiel says sadly. Dean only has a split second to wonder about how he’s going to deflect the inevitable conversation again before they’re interrupted.

“Dean?”

Dean spins to see Cole standing there. He sighs inwardly as he pastes a fake smile on his face. He and Cole had dated, albeit briefly, right after high school. He was one of the first guys he was ever with sexually. He’s still attractive in a serious, military kind of way, but god, the guy was such a fucking asshole Dean could barely stand him. (Even though he did give some of Dean’s most memorable blow jobs. Dude could deepthroat like it was his job.)

“Hey, Cole,” Dean says, snapping himself out of his thoughts. “Long time no see.”

“Been what, almost ten years?” Cole answers.

“Time flies,” Dean answers. “This is my boyfriend, Castiel. Castiel, this is Cole.”

“We used to date,” Cole supplies, and Dean can feel Cas stiffen slightly. Great. That’s all he needs right now. “You’ll probably be able to say the same thing in a few weeks, huh?” he says in Cas’s direction, clearly attempting a joke.

“Very funny,” Dean says dryly.

“Come on, you know I’m joking, man!” Cole says, laughing at his own joke despite the fact that neither Dean or Castiel think he’s funny in the least. “How’ve you been?”

“Really good,” Dean answers. “Gym’s doing well. Family’s good.”

“Hot treat of the week,” Cole finishes for him, aiming a wink in Cas’s direction, and this time Dean can’t hide his flinch. Fuck he hates when people talk about him like this.

“I can see why you broke up,” Castiel says icily.

Cole has the gall to laugh. “You gotta know about Dean _Love ‘Em and Leave ‘Em_ Winchester. He’s a town legend.” Dean feels his face flood with color. Cole broke up with _him_. Everybody breaks up with him! God, he hates this guy.

“No, sorry. I know who he _actually_ is,” Castiel replies. “Dean, I believe your nephew is trying to get your attention,” Castiel says, nodding towards the playroom where Bentley is in fact waving for him.

“Aw, would you look at that. I gotta go,” Dean says, faking disappointment. “See ya around.”

“Or not,” Castiel says, not bothering to lower his voice.

He gets out of his seat and starts walking towards the playroom, but suddently, Cole’s at his back.

“He’s a feisty one, Dean. Give him my number when you’re through with him. I don't mind your sloppy seconds. Hell, if I did, I'd have to move outta state to find a dude you haven't banged."

Dean feels rage flood through his body instantly. His hands ball into fists and he turns around with every intention of showing Cole some fucking manners, but Castiel places a hand on his chest to stop him. “I wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole,” Castiel says, loud enough for Cole to hear him. Then he whispers, “He’s not worth it, Dean. You have two children watching you _and_ you have a broken finger.”

“Come on, Cas. Just let me punch him once,” Dean says with his jaw clenched and Castiel laughs darkly.

“I’m sure that’s all it would take. But no. Keep walking,” he insists, shoving him towards the play room.

He finally opens the playroom door and Bentley calls out, “Uncle Dean! Will you go down the red slide with me?”

Dean takes a deep breath. “Just gimme a couple of minutes, okay? Why don’t you take Claire down the little slide a time or two, then I’ll be right there, k, bud?”

“Okay!”

Dean exhales again, thankful Bentley’s not making a big thing about this.

“Are you alright, Dean?” Castiel asks quietly.

Dean’s back goes up again instantly. He can’t do this right now.

“I’m fine,” he lies, not even looking at him. He looks through the glass and doesn’t see Cole anywhere so he lies again and says, “I gotta take a leak. Keep an eye on Bentley for me?”

“Of course,” Castiel answers, and then Dean takes off.

He does go to the bathroom. Not because he has to use it, but because he needs a minute.

Who would’ve thought a trip to McDonald's would turn out this fucking terrible? Castiel thinks spending a measly three hundred bucks would be a waste of money because they’re obviously not going to stay together long enough for Claire to get his money’s worth, and that was even before Cole - the douche bag - reminded Cas of his reputation.

He splashes some water on his face and then curses when he has to wipe it off with his shirt because there’s no paper towel. He leans against the wall in the bathroom, trying to steady his breathing and work out how he can avoid talking about all of this when he knows Cas is gonna be like a dog with a bone. It’s been several minutes now and he knows he has to go back out there, but maybe for the first time since he’s known Cas, he doesn’t really want to see him.

He runs his hands through his hair and then goes anyway. It’s not like he has a choice.

When he reaches the playroom, Bentley comes running right over, asking him again if he can go on the big slide with him. Dean uses the opportunity to avoid the conversation he knows Cas wants to have.

He smiles a fake smile and climbs into the play structure with Bentley, following him up level by level until they reach the tube slide, and then go barrelling down it together. He grabs Claire on his next trip up, and nudges her little bottom after she gets a leg up on each level so she can mostly do it by herself. It takes a while, but it’s not like he’s in a hurry to get back down to Cas. When they get to the top, he stops and shows Claire how Cas is standing down way at the bottom. She waves wildly and Dean sees Cas lift his phone to take pictures of her.

Claire wants to play at the top for a while, so they crawl through a tunnel over to a helicopter. Dean questions his choice when the entire structure starts rocking when he gets into it, and briefly acknowledges how it would be just like to him to die after crashing to the ground in a plastic helicopter because he’s avoiding a conversation he doesn’t want to have.

Eventually, though, Claire starts pointing to the slide again, so he sits her on his lap and they go down with a squeal of excitement from Claire that even manages to get a laugh out of Dean, despite the bad mood now hanging over him like a raincloud. When they crash onto the mat at the bottom of the slide he notices Cas is taking more pictures of him and Claire. He’s got this smile like he thinks the two of them are his entire world.

He’s damn sure nobody has ever looked at him like this before and he feels hope bubble up inside of him before he shoves it down again, reminding himself Cas isn’t thinking about him and their relationship the same he way he is.

Claire walks over to Cas and says, “Da! Uh!” before she points at the slide.

“Looks like you’re up,” Dean tells Cas.

“I’m too big,” Cas argues. “The sign says nobody over the age of 16 is allowed onto the play structure.”

Dean shakes his head. “You’re closer to 16 than I am. And I’m bigger than you and nobody died. Go,” he urges him.

“It’s against the rules,” Castiel says again.

Dean snorts. “Dude, it’s not like there’s playroom police who’re gonna come arrest you. Go play with your kid.”

Castiel huffs but goes with her, and Dean takes a seat in the corner and watches them with Bentley. Thanks to the kids, Dean and Cas don’t have more than a few seconds alone together while they play. Some time later, Castiel mentions it’s closing in on seven, and so they tell the kids they each have one more slide left.

“You and Cas go too!” Bentley says.

“Oh, I’m too tired for that, buddy,” Dean tries.

“You have to take it easy on your Uncle Dean,” Castiel says, and Dean smiles a little at how quickly Cas jumped in to defend him. “He’s old, you know.”

Well, so much for defending him.

“Ha ha,” Dean says. Everybody’s a funny guy today. But the insult works. “Let’s go, then.”

Dean leads the way and Cas follows closely behind. “Can’t say I mind the view,” Castiel teases, and that’s when Dean realizes his ass is pretty much right in Cas’s face. He gives his butt a little wiggle and then yelps when he feels Cas pinch it and scurries ahead with Cas chasing him.

Cas may be smaller than him, but apparently he’s not a very good climber.

“Havin’ a hard time keepin’ up with the old man, Cas?” Dean asks.

“I don’t know how you’re possibly fitting through there so quickly,” he complains from below him.

“I’m bendy,” Dean replies.

“I’ll make sure to remember that,” Castiel answers and Dean tries to remember not to laugh. He’s only even doing this for Bentley.

They get to the top soon enough and Dean positions himself at the entrance of the slide.

“Wait for me!” Castiel insists.

“You’re next.”

“Nope, we’re going down together,” Castiel replies, climbing over Dean and settling between his legs, laughing as he bangs his head and Dean’s knee into the side of the slide.

“Graceful,” Dean says dryly.

“Take a picture with me,” Castiel says, producing his phone from outta nowhere and holding it up in selfie mode.

“Why are you like this?” Dean complains.

“Don’t make me lick your face again,” Castiel threatens.

Dean rolls his eyes, but hooks his chin over Castiel’s shoulder and smiles into the camera. Since he figures Cas is gonna break up with him soon anyway, he kisses him on the cheek for the next picture so he has it to torture himself with later. Castiel smiles so fucking big Dean’s heart  swells, and then Cas turns and searches for his lips, so Dean gives in and kisses him softly with his heart aching in his chest. Why does everybody always have to leave?

“Go, Uncle Dean!” Bentley says, giving him a push from behind.

“Sorry, little man. You’re holding up the line, Cas,” Dean says, effectively ending the moment between them.

“Come on,” Castiel urges him.

Dean tucks his legs up around Castiel’s and onto his outstretched legs so they fit through the tunnel, then they scoot forwards awkwardly until Cas is pulled forwards by gravity, and Dean follows right behind him and they begin their descent down the slide. He slams into Castiel’s back when they reach the bottom, making them both laugh, and seconds later, Bentley crashes into Dean’s back, with Claire crashing into Bentley’s directly afterwards. As Castiel slips forward with each new body hitting him, he falls onto the mat at the bottom. They all topple on top of one another and end up in a giant heap of tangled limbs, laughing so hard they can hardly catch their breath.

Dean’s flat on his back when Claire hops on to sit directly on his chest and looks down at him signing _more_ over and over with a huge, toothy grin on her face. He gets his bad hand behind her back before he pushes himself up to a sitting position, making her fall backwards onto the mat with another squeal of laughter.

“No more,” he tells her. “Now that the three of you weirdos tired me out, it’s time to go home and get ready for bed.”

“That was fun,” Castiel says, also getting into a sitting position and reaching down to help Dean up.

“Excuse me, gentlemen?” Dean hears from behind him. He turns to see a stern-faced woman in a McDonald’s uniform standing by the door with her arms crossed. “The playroom is for _children_. I’m going to have to ask you not to go onto the play structure again, please.”

“My bad. We’re leaving,” Dean tells her, and she nods before she leaves the room.

“I told you we were going to get in trouble!” Castiel hisses at him, and Dean can’t help but laugh.

“Yeah, I’m sure it’s going on our permanent records as we speak,” Dean teases him.

Castiel helps Claire get her shoes on so Dean grabs the diaper bag for him, and a few minutes later they’re walking out to the parking lot, Claire and Bentley with their Happy Meal toys in hand to avoid the oncoming meltdowns about not wanting to leave.

“Say bye to Claire, buddy, she’s goin’ home to bed,” Dean prompts Bentley once they get to Jess’s car.

“Bye Claire! I’ll see you tomorrow at grandma’s house!”

“Thanks for being such a big boy with Claire today, Bentley. I’ll make sure to tell your mom and dad tomorrow what a great helper you are,” Castiel praises him.

Dean opens the back door of Jess’s car and Bentley climbs in.

“Okay! Bye Cas!”

Dean leans in to help him get buckled in and then shuts the door to see Cas still standing there.

“Thanks for comin’,” Dean tells him.

“Anytime. Let me know when Sam and Jess get home?” Castiel asks.

Dean hesitates, remembering again how Cas doesn’t think they’re going to stay together in the long run. How he’s probably already planning on breaking up with him soon. “I’m actually feelin’ pretty tired, so I’ll see, okay?”

Castiel frowns, hitching Claire better onto his hip. “I thought the point was for us to sleep together,” he says.

“Yeah,” Dean answers, not knowing what else to say. “Bye, Claire,” Dean says, smiling now and leaning in to kiss her on the cheek. “Love you, blondie. Be good for Daddy.”

She reaches her hand out towards him and whines, “Deeeee.”

“Dean will see you in the morning, sweetie,” Castiel promises for him.

Dean nods. “I’ll uh, talk to you later,” Dean tells him without meeting his eyes, then walks around the car and gets in behind the wheel.

“That was so fun!” Bentley says from the back seat.

“You were a really good boy in there, buddy. Thanks for not freaking out when it was time to go,” he says, catching his eye in the rear view mirror.

The next hour passes quickly between getting Bentley a snack, getting him into his pajamas, and then choosing a bedtime story to read. After Dean finishes reading The Lion King, he kisses Bentley goodnight and heads back into the living room to tidy up the few toys Bentley left strewn around.

He finds himself some old renovation reruns to watch on TV, and lays down for the first time since that morning.

It’s no surprise to him when his phone dings with a text message around 8:30. He sees it pop up on the top of his screen.

 

 **CASTIEL:** You owe me a kiss goodbye. You gave Claire one but left me hanging :)

 

For the first time, he lets Cas’s text sit there without opening it right away.

He doesn’t know what he’s going to do tonight.

Part of him wants to go over to Castiel’s when Sam and Jess get home and sleep curled up with his boyfriend in his bed where he feels like he belongs, but the other part of him is arguing, saying any time he spends with Cas now is just going to make it hurt even more when Cas decides he’s had enough of him. Probably sooner rather than later.

Ten minutes go by with Dean arguing with himself internally before he answers Cas.

 

 **DEAN:** Whoops. Didn’t mean to.

 **CASTIEL:** Is Bentley in bed?

 **DEAN:** Yep.

 **CASTIEL:** Can I call you?

 **DEAN:** I’d rather not. I really hate talking on the phone, and I’m in the middle of watching something. Sorry, Cas.

 **CASTIEL:** You’ve been acting off all evening. What’s bothering you?

 

He can’t say he didn’t know this was coming. He lets the message sit there for a while again, not knowing how to get out of this without talking about it. He knows damn well Cas isn’t going to buy his lie, but he tries anyway.

 

 **DEAN:** Nothing. Just tired, like I said. Sorry I’m having a bad day.

 **CASTIEL:** Please don’t lie to me, Dean :(

 

Dean sucks in a breath when he sees the dots move across his screen, letting him know that Cas is still typing.

 

 **CASTIEL:** If this is about that asshole that you used to date, I would hope you know that at this point in our relationship I don’t care what he or anybody else has to say about you. I don’t believe that you’re the way he says you are, or that I’m the “treat of the week” or whatever it is he said about me.

 **DEAN:** Good, because at least where I’m concerned, we were more than that.

 **CASTIEL:** Where YOU’RE concerned? Were???

 

Fuck.

He tries to think of what to respond but his phone rings in his hand interrupting his thoughts as Castiel’s name lights up the screen.

He hits ignore and puts his head in his hands.

It dings again only seconds later.

 

 **CASTIEL:** What’s going on? Talk to me, please.

 **DEAN:** It’s nothing. Can’t talk right now. Bentley’s calling for me. brb.

 

It’s a lie, and he knows Castiel probably figures it’s a lie, but he also doesn’t know for sure and that’s enough to get Dean off the hook for the time being.

Another half hour passes while he sits there with his phone on his chest, knowing he’s quickly running out of time before Cas texts him again.

Sure enough, his phone goes off just another few minutes later.

 

 **CHARLIE:** Wtf, dude? Why am I sitting here texting YOUR boyfriend going over every word the two of you said to each other tonight trying to figure out where he fucked up?

 

Dean groans.

 

 **DEAN:** Uggggghhhhh

 **CHARLIE:** Just tell him what he did! I can guarantee you he’s not gonna let it go.

 **DEAN:** Don’t want to.

 

Then the screen shots start coming.

 

 **CASTIEL:** I don’t know what else to do. I asked him several times what’s wrong. I tried calling him. I even assured him that what Cole said didn’t bother me. I don’t care what anybody else has to say about him!

 **CHARLIE:** That must not be it then. It must’ve been something else. I did warn you he would do this :(

 **CASTIEL:** This is the running away with his tail between his legs thing?

 **CHARLIE:** Sure seems like it.

 **CASTIEL:** I’m not leaving him, though.

 **CHARLIE:** I believe you, you just have to get him to. When did he start acting weird?

 

Then another one.

 

 **CASTIEL:** I told him I don’t like ketchup. He seemed weirded out by it I’m sure that’s not enough to make him act like this.

 **CASTIEL:** I told him I didn’t know if I would be “in the mood” later… but he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would be mad about that.

 **CASTIEL:** I tried to dissuade him from spending three hundred dollars on a car seat for Claire

 **CHARLIE:** What was your reasoning for that?

 **CASTIEL:** I was afraid if broke up that it would have just been a waste of money

 **CASTIEL:** *we broke up

 **CHARLIE:** Oh no. Did you say that?

 **CASTIEL:** … I said, “If things don’t work out between us,” yes… but he asked if I was going to break up with him and I said no!

 **CASTIEL:** I told him he makes me very happy!

 **CHARLIE:** I’m gonna text him, but if I had to bet, I’d put my money on that, bud :(

 **CASTIEL:** I don’t understand. I specifically told him he makes me happy and I said no when he asked me if I was going to break up with him.

 **CASTIEL:** But now he thinks I’m going to leave like everybody else.

 **CASTIEL:** Shit.

 **CASTIEL:** What can I do? I don’t want him to run away from me, Charlie :(

 **CASTIEL:** He’s one of the best things to ever happen to me.

 

Dean feels a crack in his heart thinking about Castiel beating himself up like this. Especially if he really didn’t mean it...

 

 **CHARLIE:** Happy with yourself?

 **DEAN:** No.

 **CHARLIE:** Stop being a dick and talk to him

 **DEAN:** I can’t!

 **CHARLIE:** Because you think he’s going to break up with you?

 **DEAN:** He said it, not me.

 **CHARLIE:** Oh no! *gasp of horror* Your boyfriend of - what - TWO WEEKS said “If things don’t work out between us” like a rational human being? HOW DARE HE!

 **DEAN:** Shut up. You obviously don’t get it.

 **CHARLIE:** You shut up and explain it to me then. If I don’t get you, I have no idea how you think Castiel will.

 **DEAN:** It’s hard to talk about that shit. You know that!

 **CHARLIE:** Ya, well, FRIENDLY REMINDER that there’s a little girl involved this time who’s not gonna get why you bailed when shit got a little hard.

 **DEAN:** I hate it when you’re right

 **CHARLIE:** YW! Let me know when you’re back to being heart eyes for him.

 

 **JESS:** On our way back! Be there in 10-15 :)

 

 **CASTIEL:** Dean, I’m so sorry if you thought my being cautious about you spending so much money on a car seat for Claire was actually me expressing doubts about our relationship. That’s not what I was thinking. I was just trying to protect you (and your wallet) because I care about you so much.

 **DEAN:** I know… I’m trying here, okay? A really big part of me is telling me to just bail before you can leave me like everybody else does. But Jess just texted and said they’ll be home soon… and… I guess I’ll come over when they’re here if you still want me to.

 **CASTIEL:** I always want you to <3 Thank you for trying.

 

It’s just ten minutes later when Sam and Jess walk in. Jess looks reasonably tipsy, and Sam’s a little flushed, which leads Dean to believe Jess is being more than a little flirty with his brother.

“Obviously you two had a good time,” he says to them.

“We had the best time!” Jess agrees. “How was Bentley?”

“He was great! I brought him to McDonald’s and we met Cas and Claire there, and he played with her the whole time in the play ground thingy, and then he went to bed easily when we got home.”

“No wonder he loves when you babysit,” Sam comments.

“Yeah, we had fun. And in case he mentions it, he was asking if Cas was my boyfriend and if we sleep in the same bed,” he tells them with his hand on the back of his neck.

“That should be a fun conversation,” Sam says to Jess.

“It’ll be fine, hon,” Jess waves away.

“Alright, I’m outta here. See you guys tomorrow at mom’s,” Dean says, walking past them.

“We’ll see if the Easter bunny brought us anything,” Sam jokes.

Dean does a quick doubletake, having completely forgot about Easter altogether. “Yup. See ya tomorrow,” he answers, giving them a wave over his head as he walks out to his car. It’s just after nine when he gets to his apartment. He changes into pajamas and grabs a change of clothes for tomorrow before he walks over to Cas’s place.

He knocks, then remembers what Cas said earlier and walks in.

Cas is sitting on the couch, his head in his hands, and he looks up with a sad smile when Dean walks in. His hair is absolutely everywhere again, and Dean knows it’s from running his hands through it because he was worried.

“Hey, Cas,” he says apologetically.

Cas pats the couch beside him and he goes over to join him with his heart in his throat. This is gonna suck.

“Come here,” Castiel tells him gently, holding his arm out. Dean drops his clothes on the coffee table and goes into his arms willingly. He pillows his head on Castiel’s chest, and Castiel wraps his arms around him and places a kiss to the top of his head.

They sit like that for a little while. Cas doesn't seem anxious to break the silence between them, and Dean sure as hell isn’t. He has a hell of a time remembering why he was freaking out earlier now that he’s sitting here in Cas’s arms. Him and Cas are solid. They’re better together than he’s ever been with anybody else.

“I was stupid,” Dean finally says. “I was so stupid. I started freaking out over nothing, and all I could think about was how you were gonna break up with me just like everybody else did and how much it was gonna suck.”

“Stop,” Castiel says quietly. “Old habits are hard to break. I understand that part. I’m not mad at you.”

“You should be. I was a dick.”

“You were not. You weren’t as nice to me as you usually are, but you certainly weren’t a dick. If you had been, maybe then I would’ve been mad,” Castiel considers. Then, “What were you going to do after not coming over here tonight? Avoid me forever? Never come around again?”

“No,” Dean says quickly. “I don’t know. I didn’t really think it through that far. Was still tryin’ to convince myself not to come over here tonight.”

“I’m glad you did a terrible job at it,” Castiel says lightly. “Can you tell me more about what happened in that pretty head of yours?”

“Ugghhh do I have to?”

“Of course you don’t have to. It would make me feel better, though,” Castiel replies.

Dean sighs, knowing there probably isn’t anything else Cas could say to make him want to talk about it more.

“It’s kinda embarrassing,” Dean explains.

“I promise not to tease you.”

Dean sighs and snuggles in further. It’s so much easier saying this without looking at him.

“I guess… I let myself think about the future with you and Claire. A lot. In a way I never really have before with everybody else.”

“That’s not so embarrassing,” Castiel remarks. “I do the same thing.”

Dean frowns. Does he, really? “Didn’t seem like that’s what you were doin’ when you didn’t think Claire would get enough use out of a car seat before we broke up,” Dean admits.

“I said _if_ things don’t work out. Not _when_. I’m sorry me saying that hurt your feelings. I didn’t mean it that way.”

“I know,” Dean admits. “I guess I automatically changed the if to when in my head, then it felt like a smack in the face when I realized I was actually feeling… optimistic about us when that’s not what I usually do. Then it was so much worse when I thought you were thinkin’ the opposite.”

“Can I show you something?” Castiel asks.

“Um, okay?” Dean says, confused by the turn of events.

Castiel pulls out his phone and opens his camera roll.

He swipes until he gets to the photo he wants, and then turns his phone so Dean can see.

There’s him and Ketch, standing side by side. Ketch has that smarmy smile on his stupid face and Castiel looks… amused, maybe? He doesn’t look upset, but he isn’t smiling. Castiel swipes to another photo, showing both him and Ketch still wearing the same fancy clothes, but the angle shows a wedding officiant this time. Then there’s a picture of Ketch sliding a ring glittering with a bunch of some kind of jewel onto Castiel’s finger… and still, Castiel is standing there with his eyes wide like he’s surprised to find himself there.

Two more pictures. One of them kissing, which makes Dean’s stomach roll, and one more when they’ve just pulled away from each other. Still, Cas only has the briefest little smile on his face. He looks _fine,_ but his shoulders are slumped inwards a bit, and he’s thinner, and Dean knows there’s a good chance he could be projecting, but he even looks like he’s in a little bit of pain.

“Those are your wedding pictures?” Dean asks stupidly.

“If you can even call them that, yes. Taken with Mick’s cell phone,” he says somewhat bitterly. “What’s your initial impression of these photos?”

“A) I hate that guy,” Dean says quickly and Castiel snorts. “B) I never want to see you kissing anybody else ever again. And C) You don’t look... the same as you do now.”

“Look at these ones,” he says.

The next pictures are of Claire in a big poofy pink dress. Some of them have her splattered in what must be birthday cake, some of them have a party hat on her head, and there’s a few of Cas and Claire together. He has a party hat on his head, too, which is adorable, and he’s smiling, but still… he doesn’t look the same. He’s never seen baby pictures of Claire, and he kinda laughs at how much more giant her head was back then, but she doesn’t really look all smiley and content the way he’s used to seeing her, either.

And Cas? There’s just something different. He doesn’t seem to have the color to his face that Dean’s used to seeing. He has bags under his eyes (a year of being up with a baby will probably do that to you) and his hair’s too long. His face is almost covered in a full beard, which isn’t a bad look actually, but it just doesn’t look like he’s happy. His eyes look flat and tired instead of shining and warm like Dean knows they can be.

“Now look at these,” Castiel says.

Dean gets a look at the pictures Charlie took that night they hung out together. There’s a nice one of the two of them smiling together sitting on this very couch, and then a series of pictures of Cas kissing his cheek and Dean trying to get away, Cas licking his face, and best of all, Dean trying to push Castiel away from him while Cas’s tongue is sticking out. Cas isn’t smiling with his tongue sticking out, but you can tell just by looking at the way his eyes are crinkled that he’s laughing.

Then Cas swipes to the pictures of them today. Dean and Claire coming down the slide, both of them with huge smiles on their faces, Claire obviously giggling away. Claire and Bentley holding hands, both smiling. Cas sitting between his legs at the top of the slide, smiling the way Dean loves him the most, with eye crinkles and gums showing. Dean with his face right next to Cas’s, both of them looking super smiley (and, huh, _really_ good together). Then Dean kissing him on the cheek, and Cas’s face flushed with color with a shy little smile on his face.

“Tell me you see what I see,” Castiel urges him.

“You look so much better now. Back when you were with Ketch you looked… so small. You looked pale and tired, and you didn’t even look like you wanted to be there at your own wedding.”

“I know. I’ve always hated those photos,” he confesses. “But it wasn’t even that I didn’t want to be there, it just wasn’t what I wanted my wedding day to be like. I suppose I didn’t do a great job at hiding it. Not that anybody seemed to care.”

“If it makes you feel any better, it kinda broke my heart to see you look like that at your own wedding,” Dean admits.

“But these?” Castiel says, pointing back to the picture of Dean kissing him on the cheek. “Dean… I don’t know how you can’t possibly see how happy you make me. I look happier with you at McDonald’s than I looked on my wedding day.”

Dean looks up to meet his eyes for the first time since he got there, and he sees laughter in them. His own lips curl up into a smile, and he can’t help the little laugh that comes out.

“You do,” he admits. “God, that’s sad.”

Castiel laughs a little. “Sad for me back then, but really, really happy for me now.” He leans in to kiss Dean gently. “I knew telling you how much I care about you wouldn’t work. So I thought I’d prove it to you. Actually show you how much happier you’ve made not only me, but Claire, too. Our lives are a hundred times better today than they were a month ago because of you and your family. You’ve given us so much. And I am not thinking about breaking up with you even the tiniest little bit. I’m holding on for dear life, hoping that day never comes. Ever.”

Dean feels his eyes fill a little bit, and his chest fill _a lot._ “Really?”

“Why would I want to be without you when you make me feel like this?”

“Cas,” Dean breathes heavily.

“Tell me you believe me,” Castiel pleads.

Dean nods, his eyes still stupidly filling even more, and he blinks rapidly trying to make the moisture go away. “I believe you. I’m sorry.” Castiel’s smile is almost breathtaking and Dean can’t do anything except reach out and wrap his arms around him. “I’m sorry,” Dean says again. “I’m so sorry, Cas.”

“I’m not mad, it’s okay,” Castiel reminds him. “I’m just so glad you can see it.”

Dean sniffles and finally breaks away. He isn’t crying, but he’s damn close and it’s embarrassing. “I might need you to remind me a few more times,” he says honestly.

“As long as you don’t avoid me, I can show you as often as you need,” Castiel promises.

They sit back against the couch and their hands find each other. Castiel brushes his thumb across the back of his hand and the simple gesture seems to make those butterflies come back to life again. God. He feels so much better it’s ridiculous.

“We’ve kinda been a mess the last few days, huh?” Dean offers.

Castiel chuckles. “Yes, I suppose we have been.”

“Think it’s supposed to be this hard?” Dean asks.

“Well, I’ve been cheated on and lied to, and I’m a single parent. This hasn’t been _that_ hard in comparison.”

“Honestly, I think abuse could be applied, too, Cas,” Dean says, thinking of what he told him Thursday night.

“I - I would prefer not to think about it like that,” he stammers.

“Alright. Well, I’ve been made out to be the town’s manwhore, even though it’s not true. And I’ve got abandonment issues, apparently.”

“So I think it’s fair to assume that this wouldn’t be easy for any two people with our baggage,” Castiel says wisely. “But you know what I like? We’re sticking together and working it out even though it isn’t always easy.”

“I wouldn’t mind some easy after this,” Dean confesses.

“I think that’s going to happen,” Castiel says confidently. “I like to believe we’ve moved past some rather large hurdles already. Hopefully only tiny ones for the next little bit.”

“Let’s hope we stop bumping into our exes, too. That’s never good.”

“That Cole guy was an asshole,” Castiel says suddenly.

“Yeah, he always was. I kinda let it slide for a while because he had a mouth like a Hoover,” he laughs. “But I still don’t remember him being _that_ bad back then.”

“You were probably seeing him through the haze of a good blow job at the time,” Castiel says dryly.

“The best of my life,” Dean says fondly, then winces. “Probably shouldn’t‘ve said that part out loud, huh?” Dean realizes belatedly.

“You’re digging yourself an excellent hole,” Castiel agrees.

Dean snorts. “Let’s just forget I said that.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” Castiel says. “I now have a new personal goal. Give better head than that asshole so you never talk about him with that wistful little tone of voice I just heard ever again.”

Dean feels his dick twitch in his pants. “Well, in that case, I intend to be a fully supportive boyfriend and encourage you to work hard to accomplish all of your goals, Cas,” Dean says, grinning a little bit. “I’m here for you to practise on any time. Night or day,” he offers, winking at him.

“Hmmm,” Castiel says, leaning in to nibble on his bottom lip and run his hands up Dean’s thighs. “It’s such a shame we’re both so tired tonight, isn’t it?”

Dean groans and slumps sideways against Cas. “I guess I deserve that.”

“You do,” Castiel says, but Dean can tell he’s smiling. “Let’s go to bed. I really am tired.”

“Me, too,” Dean answers. “And seven thirty comes early on a Sunday.”

But as he lays in Castiel’s bed a little later, his body enveloped in Cas’s arms, he knows he wouldn’t change that for anything.

 


	14. Chapter 14

Sunday morning doesn’t start off quite as early as Dean expected. He wakes up to the sheets cold beside him where Castiel’s warm body should be. He rolls over and sees it’s just after nine.

Dammit, Cas.

Last night they had talked about waiting until Claire went down for her morning nap to hide some chocolate eggs and marshmallow bunnies since she doesn’t know any better anyway, but he’s still surprised to wake up alone.

He’s really been looking forward to today. After seeing how much Claire loves everything with wheels, he bought her a small set of train tracks and a few trains. Even though Cas gave him a hard time about how it was only Easter and she didn’t need actual gifts, his eyes had been warm while he said it and Dean’s been having a hard time waiting to give it to her.

He rolls out of bed after indulging in a stretch and stumbles to the bathroom to brush his teeth and take a leak before he walks into the living room.

“Good morning, sleepy head,” Castiel says with a smile from the couch.

“You shoulda woken me up,” Dean replies grouchily, walking past him into the kitchen and directly to the Keurig. He fills his cup full of coffee, but when he goes to open the fridge for cream, he jolts back in surprise when he sees dozens of pairs of googly eyes staring back at him. They're stuck to everything. The milk carton, the carton of cream, the juice bottles, the egg carton...

"What the hell is with all the eye balls?" Dean grumbles as he adds sugar and the cream warily (it's _looking at him_!) to his coffee.

"It's April Fools Day," Castiel explains as Dean crosses the room to sit beside him. "It was supposed to be funny."

Dean shrugs his shoulder. "Maybe if it wasn't first thing in the morning."

“Happy Easter then,” Castiel teases. Then he leans over to kiss him on the bolt of his jaw, and continues. “And just because you stay here on the weekends doesn’t mean you have to wake up early every time. You deserve to sleep in sometimes.”

Dean gulps his coffee greedily before he answers. “I like wakin’ up with you when you’re all warm and sleepy, though.”

“You just like rubbing up against me and trying to convince me to stay in bed," Castiel says with a smile.

“Not my fault one thing leads to the other.”

Claire glances up from the TV for the first time since he woke up, and her eyes go wide when she sees him. She squeals (and hell, it is _way_ too early for that) before she comes running over. Dean holds his coffee over to the side so she doesn’t bump it and spill it on herself as she pulls her way into Dean’s lap and then turns around, leans her head back against him, and goes back to watching Elmo. Dean wraps his free arm around her tummy, holding her in place, and she tilts her head so it’s braced against his shoulder, making a happy little sound in her throat.

Dean leans down and kisses her on the head. He may have woken up on the wrong side of the bed, but his heart is so fucking full he can hardly believe it. He drinks some more coffee, hoping he doesn’t look as obviously mushy as he feels.

Castiel clears his throat before he says, “She was asking for you when she woke up. Milk, eat, Dean.”

“Girl’s got her priorities straight,” he comments, trying to hide how touched he is by Claire expecting him to be there in the morning.

It’s only a little while later when Claire is ready for her morning nap. Since Cas let Dean sleep in, Dean offers to put her down, and to his surprise, Castiel says that would be great. He even leaves him to it and says he’s going to shave before he has a shower.

So Dean changes Claire’s diaper, gives her a kiss goodnight, lays her down in her crib, covers her with her little blanket, and starts her mobile. She goes down without a peep and Dean feels really freaking proud of himself. He’s getting a handle on this kid stuff.

When he comes out of the nursery, he hears the shower running and notices that Cas left the door open a bit. He’s _really_ hoping that’s an invitation. He grabs himself a towel from the linen closet and one of the finger condoms he got from Jo, and walks into the scent of Castiel’s honey shampoo flooding his senses.

“Cas?” Dean says cautiously.

“I was hoping you would take the hint,” Castiel says, and that’s all the confirmation Dean needs. He drops his pajama bottoms on the floor and tosses his t-shirt on top of them, slides the finger condom into place, and pushes the shower door open to step in behind Cas.

He lets out an appreciative sound when he sees Castiel’s naked back, and erases the space between their naked bodies quickly. He gives Cas a little push so that his own body gets hit by some of the water, and since his hands were already on his shoulders anyway, he lets them drift along the breadth of them before he trails his palms down his arms, pausing to enjoy the bulge of his biceps before he keeps sliding them down.

He wraps his arms around Castiel’s waist, and presses their bodies together, letting his semi-hard cock rest along Castiel’s ass crack. He plants a series of kisses along his neck, and nibbles on his earlobe while his hands slowly make their way across Castiel’s hips and his fingers thread through his pubic hair.

Castiel gasps when Dean wraps his fingers around his cock, and Dean moans happily when he finds Cas already well on his way to being fully hard.

“Did you start without me?” Dean asks into his ear, purposely breathing a little harder just to see the back of his neck break out in goosebumps.

“No,” Castiel answers, dropping his head back onto Dean’s shoulder. “The anticipation of you joining me was exciting, though.”

Dean hums knowingly, then strokes him awkwardly with his left hand, trying to change the angle a few times before giving up and groaning unhappily. “I can’t wait to get this stupid splint off. I wanna make you feel so good, and I can’t even jerk you off.”

Castiel covers Dean’s left hand with his and guides him so he can pump his cock better, drawing a moan from Castiel since Dean’s now doing it exactly the way he likes it. Dean tries to memorize the pace for future reference, but ultimately loses himself in teasing a spot on the base of Castiel’s neck that drives him crazy.

“I love the way your hands feel on me,” Castiel answers, his voice already low and sinful the way it only gets when they’re alone like this.

“I can’t wait to really touch you. I’m gonna make you feel so good, honey. Make up for all the times I couldn’t,” Dean promises.

“Does it sound like I’m complaining?” Castiel asks, squeezing his hand over Dean’s so he can feel just how hard he is.

“Mmmm. Feels so good. Love feeling you hard for me,” Dean whispers.

Castiel turns around and pulls Dean sideways so both of their bodies are under the water. Their dicks brush together, but Dean’s more interested in the way Cas is currently devouring his mouth. He dives in hungrily, holding Dean’s head in his hands like he doesn’t want him to pull away, forcing his tongue between his lips and deep into his mouth. Dean kisses him back just as eagerly, dropping his hands to get them on Cas’s ass the way they both like so much, and inadvertently pulling him in closer so their cocks slide together.

They make out like that, thrusting against each other lazily, their hands drifting along each other’s bodies - driving them both closer and closer to the edge without any hurry to actually get there. When Castiel starts fondling their balls, pressing them together, rolling them in his hands and tugging just right Dean has to lean back against the shower wall for fear of his knees giving out on him.

“God, you’re good at that,” Dean gasps, pulling him closer so he can kiss him sloppily.

Castiel indulges him briefly before he drags his mouth along the stubble on Dean’s jawline, moaning a little as he goes, then kissing straight down the column of Dean’s neck, his chest, and finally, getting to his knees in front of him. The water cascades down his shoulders as his hand steadies Dean’s erection at the base. He flicks his eyes up to Dean’s and leans forwards to kiss up and down Dean’s shaft, his mouth open and wet on his sensitive skin.

“Holy shit,” Dean whimpers in gratitude.

Then Castiel’s tongue comes out, and while he holds eye contact with Dean, he licks a long, firm line from the base of his cock up his shaft, circling the shallow ridge of his cockhead lavishly. Dean’s mouth drops open with pleasure.

“You are so unbelievably gorgeous, Dean,” Castiel says.

Before Dean can argue that Cas is the one who looks gorgeous on his knees, Castiel flattens his tongue on the tip of Dean’s cock, dragging it slowly across his slit and making Dean’s dick twitch with over-stimulation. Then he takes the head of Dean’s cock into his mouth, and Dean closes his eyes when he feels himself surrounded by the perfectly hot, wet heat.

“Ohhh fuck,” he gasps.

It’s been so goddamn long since he’s had his dick in anybody’s mouth, and now it’s _Cas_. Cas, who’s looking up at him through those dark eyelashes of his. His big, blue eyes blinking innocently, his pink lips wrapped loosely around his cock. Water drips down his face, his hair hanging over his forehead, and Dean reaches down to brush it back and out of the way for him.

A breath later, those lips of his tighten around him, and Dean’s fingers weave through Castiel’s hair, shaking with the effort it takes _not_ to pull his face in towards him and plunge his cock faster and deeper into the hot suction of his boyfriend’s mouth.

Dean can feel Castiel’s tongue working back and forth across his slit quickly even as he maintains the suction, and already Dean’s panting loudly, his breath coming out in ragged huffs.

Dean’s hand moves to cup Castiel’s face, getting off on how the stretch of his jaw beneath his palm makes him feel like he’s fucking huge. Castiel takes in deep breath of air through his nose, and then slowly starts bobbing his head, dragging his lips up and down his cockhead a couple of times before he starts taking more and more of Dean’s length into his mouth. He hallows his cheeks, sucking hard each time he pulls up, tonguing at his head lusciously before he drops back down, picking up the pace as his head bobs up and down faster and faster

“Fuck, Cas. Feels so good, honey. So unbelievably good.” Dean pushes the hair out of Castiel’s face again, his hand drifting to the back of his head and fisting in his hair.

Castiel sucks hard on the way back up, tongue sliding against the head again before he pulls off. “Show me how you like it, Dean.”

“Ohh shit,” Dean gasps, but brings his other hand up to Castiel’s head, too. Castiel wraps his lips around his cock again and then meets Dean’s eyes and waits. Dean hesitates only a second before he holds his head steady and pulls his mouth down to take in some of his cock.

Castiel’s hands slide up the back of his legs and onto his ass cheeks. Dean groans and pulls him forwards again. Castiel pulls him in by the ass, taking him deeper, and Dean lets a loud moan slip from his mouth when he gives in and starts moving Castiel’s head the way he really wants to.

He’s hit with an almost overwhelming desire to come. He wants to come down Castiel’s throat so fucking bad he can’t find any reason not to do it right the fuck now. He doesn’t force Castiel’s mouth too far down on his cock because Cas wasn’t doing that on his own, but he moves him faster, reveling in the suction Castiel provides each time he pulls back, making him want to fuck right back in even harder and faster.

Dean feels Castiel’s hand drifting towards his asscrack and gasps when he feels his finger ghosting over his hole. Without meaning to, he thrusts forwards desperately, and hits the spongy roof of Castiel’s mouth.

“Fuuuck,” he gasps, lining up to do it again since there was no sound of protest from Cas and it felt so fucking good. Castiel circles his hole with his fingers, stimulating the sensitive skin there and making Dean squeeze his eyes closed at the flood of new and exciting sensations. “Nnnngg Castiel, _fuck_ , Cas. I’m getting close,” he warns him. “So good, Cas. So, so good, honey.”

Suddenly Castiel pulls his finger away from Dean’s ass and slams his hips against the cool tile behind him. Dean gasps, his eyes fly open, and he looks down at his boyfriend as he sinks down his length quickly, almost burying his nose in Dean’s pubic hair. Dean can feel the tight muscles in his throat for a split second before Castiel pulls off, sucking again on the way up, and then going right back down, taking almost all of him hard and fast. Dean feels his orgasm getting closer and closer and it feels so fucking good.

“Oh god, again, Cas, _please_ ,” Dean begs him, his palms pressed flat against the wall. Castiel moans, and indulges him. “Ahhh god, yes, fuck just like that. So fucking good. So, so, close.”

Castiel does it once more, and hums as Dean enters the tight tunnel of his throat, and Dean loses it. His fingers tighten painfully on the tile, he feels his balls draw up, and his body go taut as his breath comes out on a gasp.

“Cas - ‘m gonna, I’m - ah, ah, Caaaaaas,” he groans as he comes. Castiel pulls off until just the tip of his cock is in his mouth and sucks hard, making Dean double over at the waist, sucker punched with pure pleasure, his entire body spasming again and again as he blows his load right into his boyfriend’s eager mouth.

He doesn’t remember putting them there, but he realizes his hands are on the back of Castiel’s neck as he comes down from his orgasm and he eases him off gently, his dick now too over sensitive for Castiel’s tongue to be lapping at it the way he is.

Castiel gets to his feet with a wince, and Dean pulls him in for a long, languid kiss. He can taste his own cum on Castiel’s tongue and runs his tongue along it to chase the flavor before it disappears. Fuck, that was good. Castiel pushes his hard cock against the groove of Dean’s hip, searching for whatever friction he can get. Once he feels like he has control over his body again, he turns Castiel around and presses him against the shower wall.

“Your turn,” he tells him.

Castiel’s eyes widen in surprise. “You don’t have to. I know you’re tired. I can just…”

But Dean shakes his head and sinks to his knees in front of him. Castiel’s cock is already flushed a deep shade of red and more swollen than he’s ever seen it.

“I’m… embarrassingly close already,” Castiel warns him.

“I can see that. And _holy fuck_ is that hot,” Dean growls low in his throat.

He automatically goes to steady Cas’s dick with his right hand and curses when he has to switch for his left. It’s awkward and throwing him off and he hasn’t even started yet.

“You know what? I still can’t touch you like this,” Dean realizes. “Just fuck my mouth, okay?”

“Dean,” Castiel rasps.

“Don’t hold back. I kinda like it a little rough,” he says with a wink.

Then he licks his lips and takes Castiel’s thick cock into his mouth. He moans when he feels his lips stretching tight around his boyfriend’s significant girth. He’s bigger around than anybody else he’s been with, guaranteed, and he fuckin’ loves it.

“Oh Dean,” Castiel gasps. “You look s-so sexy.”

Dean lets his jaw go slack, and looks up at Castiel. Castiel exhales shakily when their eyes meet, and Dean raises his eyebrows. _Let’s do this_ , he thinks, and Castiel takes his cue, and pushes his dick into his mouth.

Dean groans around him again, both absolutely loving the slide of his heavy cock along his tongue and wanting to let Cas know it’s okay to keep going. Taking a trick out of Castiel’s book, he sucks as Cas pulls out, and he’s rewarded with a surprisingly high pitched little “Ah!” from Cas that drags another moan from Dean. Cas sounds so fucking hot like this.

He can hear Castiel’s breaths coming out in harsh pants as he thrusts into his mouth over and over, going slightly deeper with each one, and Dean knows he’s trying not to come already, but he kinda wants him to. He forces Castiel’s legs further apart and brings his right hand up between them, rubbing his testicles in his palm.

“ _Dean_ ,” Castiel says, in that low, low voice of his, saying his name the way Dean loves hearing it the most. Dean hums around his cock, and Castiel starts babbling. “I’m gonna come, Dean. I’m gonna come so fucking hard. Your _mouth_ , fuck. I’m so close. Oh god, oh god. Dean. Uggghhhh,” he moans, and then Dean feels his dick pulse once before the first spurt of hot cum floods into his mouth.

He keeps his lips tight around his cock, not wanting to spill a single drop, and he swallows again and again as Castiel empties himself. He cleans up Castiel’s softening dick with his tongue after he lets it fall from his mouth, and even places a little kiss to the tip just to hear Cas gasp one more time before he gets back up to his feet.

Castiel looks absolutely wrecked. He’s still breathing hard, his chest and neck are flushed with color, and his shoulders are heaving as he tries to get in enough air.

“Look how fucking hot you are, Cas,” Dean says passionately, before he kisses him, stealing his remaining breath until Castiel wrenches away, gasping.

Dean pulls him back under the water, and grabs the body wash from the caddy, and starts washing every inch of his boyfriend. He kisses his skin over and over as the soap washes away, and smiles to himself when he’s finished and Castiel begins to return the favor. By the time Castiel seems to comes back to himself completely, he has his hands lathering his honey-scented shampoo into Dean’s hair, the water’s beginning to run cold, and Dean’s already sporting another semi.

As Castiel wraps Dean up in a fluffy towel a few minutes later, he eyes his semi-aroused state with amusement.

“Don’t blame me. It’s not my fault I think you’re so hot,” Dean defends.

“Flattery will get you nowhere, but I do enjoy seeing how I effect you.”

“Stupidly,” Dean says honestly, leaning forwards to brush their lips together. “I don’t even know how I’m half hard again after you sucked my brains out like that. Best orgasm I’ve had in months.”

“ _Months?_ ” Castiel says as they walk to the bedroom to get dressed. He sounds slightly insulted and Dean grimaces. “I guess I still have some work to do then.”

Dean pulls him in close and rests their foreheads together. “Was still better bein’ with you than anybody else.”

Castiel chuckles lightly. “I don’t believe you, but I appreciate you saying it anyway.” He tries to pull away but Dean doesn’t let him.

“No, hang on a second. I don’t say things I don’t mean,” he reminds him, voice firm. “I feel close to you, connected to you, ya know, even when we’re just giving each other shower blow jobs. I’ve never had that before. It’s not _just_ sex between us and that’s what makes it so good for me.”

Castiel tilts his head to the side, and Dean smiles at how adorable he is with his wet hair half plastered to his head and half sticking up. “You are a very smooth man, Dean Winchester.”

Dean grins. “Doesn’t mean I don’t mean it, though.”

“I know,” Castiel says, cupping his face and kissing him softly. “I still want the best ever, feelings or not. And I _will_ get it.”

“You’re damn close already,” Dean tells him honestly, finally letting him go.

“I’ll remember to bat my eyelashes at you more next time,” Castiel teases, but Dean groans just thinking about it. “I don’t have much to compare your skill set to, but I enjoyed myself very, very much, even though you couldn’t use your hands.”

“How are you gay and haven’t had many blow jobs?” Dean asks in disbelief.

“I haven’t been with… _giving_ men in the past,” Castiel explains. “Most of the time I had to get myself off afterwards because they were too tired.”

Dean shakes his head. “That’s just bad manners,” he says, trying to lighten the mood.

“I’ll make sure to thank your mom for teaching you the art of reciprocating blow jobs at dinner tonight,” Castiel jokes.

Dean laughs to himself all the way through getting dressed thinking about how ridiculous that is.

The rest of the day passes quickly. They hid a couple of chocolate eggs for Claire, but she was more interested in the train tracks Dean set up for her. He couldn’t stop smiling to himself as Claire pushed her trains around and around her small circle track, and he was already dreaming about getting her a train table for her birthday and how they could build epic tracks together.

Castiel helps Dean pick out the best car seat for Claire they can find later that afternoon, and the two of them install it while Claire climbs through the front seat of the Impala. Dean feels like a million bucks when he pulls into his mom’s that night for turkey dinner with Cas covering his hand from the passenger seat, Claire in the back seat in a bright yellow dress, and Pearl Jam’s _Ten_ album coming through the speakers.

His mom almost makes him cry when she hands Claire a pink bunny with a chime in its belly and her name embroidered (by hand, Dean knows) on its ear for Easter. Jess comments how it’s the same as the one Mary gave Bentley for his first Easter, except his is blue, and when he exchanges a glance with Castiel he can't tell which of them is more touched.  

The whole day was perfect.

Him and Cas are good again, it's the first time in his whole life that he’s spent a holiday with anybody other than family, and he’s stupidly happy that it was with Cas and Claire.

The rest of the week goes by in a similar state of bliss. He starts each day with a shower, doing an internal countdown of, _Three more days with a finger condom. Two more days with a finger condom. Last day with a finger condom._

He spends lunch on Thursday with Claire since he won’t be there to see her at the end of the day, and gets a confusing text message from Castiel just as he’s making his way back to his office.

 

 **CASTIEL:** Want to come pick me up at the apartment on the way or should I just meet you there?

 **DEAN:** You lost me. Where are we going?

 **CASTIEL:** To get your splint removed?

 **DEAN:** You’re coming!?

 **CASTIEL:** Of course I’m coming!

 **CASTIEL:** Unless you don’t want me to? I just assumed…

 **DEAN:** I never even thought about inviting you because I thought you’d have to work!

 **CASTIEL:** Why do you think I’ve been taking short lunches for the last two weeks? I’m free to go after 2:30 and don’t owe any time back.

 **DEAN:** Holy shit. Okay. I’ll swing by and pick you up. 2:45ish

 **CASTIEL:** I’ll be ready.

 

“What did he say that has you smiling like that this time? Or do I not want to know?” Dean’s mom asks him.

He rolls his eyes at her with affection. “He’s coming with me to my doctor’s appointment this afternoon. Took short lunches for the last two weeks so he could come without owning any time back at work.”

“Aw,” Mary smiles. “I’m so glad he can go with you. That’s one of the bad things about working with family. We can’t usually get time off at the same time.”

“I don’t really need somebody to go with me. I mean, I’m a little nervous about what kind of physical therapy I’m gonna need once the splint comes off, and I don’t want it to hurt again, but I coulda done it alone,” Dean says.

“But sweetie, that’s the thing about being in a relationship with somebody who cares about you so much. You don’t have to do this kind of thing alone anymore if you don’t want to.”

Dean feels his face heat up, and even though he tries, he can’t suppress his smile. “New for me,” he says finally.

Mary wraps her arm around him and pulls him close for a one-armed hug then walks away to go help one of the kids who has spilled his cup of water.

Dean’s still smiling at 2:45 when he pulls his Baby into the parking lot and sees Cas standing there in jeans and a white polo shirt with blue stripes across the chest. It’s a sunny day, and he has aviator sunglasses on, and Dean can hardly believe how good he looks just standing there.

Castiel opens the door and gets in the car with a smile aimed at Dean.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel greets him.

“Hey, hon. You look especially hot today,” he tells him as he backs right back out of the parking lot.

Castiel’s smile grows. “Thank you.”

“Thanks for coming with me. I didn’t even know you were thinking about it,” Dean says.

“I thought when I told you I had an appointment this week that you knew I meant your appointment, but I must not have been clear enough. I feel like I’m overstepping now, and I really do apologize for just inviting myself along,” Castiel confesses.

“Dude, no. Don’t apologize. I mean, I’m a little nervous about all this, so I’m kinda glad you could be here.”

Castiel tugs Dean’s hand off of the steering wheel and covers it with his. “What’re you nervous about?”

Dean sighs. “I dunno. Not to sound like a baby or something, but I don’t want it to hurt. And I guess I’m kinda worried that maybe it didn’t heal right? That I’ll have a bazillion hours of physio to do after.”

“I can guarantee you there won’t be _a bazillion_ hours of physio,” Castiel teases.

“Oh gee, I feel so much better already. I’m so glad you’re here.”

But the truth is, sitting in the waiting room holding hands with Cas really is so much better than sitting alone. He squeezes his hand and shoots him a shy smile, hoping he can tell what he’s thinking.

When the receptionist calls his name, they both stand up and walk over to her, following her through the hallway and into a room. The nurse takes his weight, blood pressure, and temperature, then says the doctor will be in to see them shortly.

It’s the same doctor Dean’s had since he was ten, so he’s pretty comfortable with him.

He walks in and smiles at Dean, then lifts his eyebrows at Castiel.

“Hi, Dean. How you doing today?”

“Good, Doc. This is my boyfriend, Castiel. Here for moral support,” he explains.

“No such thing as too much of that. Nice to meet you,” he says, giving Castiel a nod. “Let’s get that splint off, okay?”

“Music to my ears,” Dean sighs, and the doctor smiles at him.

“Will there be any pain?” Castiel asks, and Dean knows he asked for his benefit.

“No, there shouldn’t be,” the doctor answers. “A little stiffness, but we’ll know better in just a second.”

He grabs a tiny pair of scissors and cuts through the tape carefully, then unwinds the gauze and pulls the popsicle stick away.

“Okay, Dean, let’s start with a quick x-ray to make sure it healed correctly. We’ll be right back,” he promises Castiel.

Several minutes later, they come back and Dean sits back down beside Castiel.

“It’ll just be a few minutes before I can take a look at the x-ray, but until then, let’s start with putting your hand flat on the table here.” Dean follows his instructions. “It might be a little stiff, but can you try lifting your finger for me?”

Dean looks down at his hand and tries to move his finger, smiling pretty big when it lifts up. The doctor was right. It’s stiffer than he’s used to, but it lifts.

“That’s fantastic,” the doctor praises him. “Do it a couple times for me and tell me if there’s any pain.” Dean does but doesn’t feel any pain.

“Nope, feels good,” Dean smiles.

“Excellent. May I have your hand, please?” Dean reaches out and the doctor takes his hand in his, holding his broken finger. He steadies it right up until the first knuckle then asks him to try and move that. It moves. Not a whole lot, but it moves. “Not bad, not bad.” He moves his fingers further down, stopping just above the second knuckle. “Bend again, please.” This time his finger goes easily, and it bends without issue. “You’re an anomaly,” he tells Dean with a big smile.

“That’s good, right?” Dean asks, eager.

“Very good. Let me just go get a look at the x-ray and I’ll be right back,” he says, slipping out of the room again.

“How does it feel?” Castiel asks Dean.

“Great! Kinda weird to be able to actually move it again. And it feels naked,” he admits and Castiel smiles.

“You look naked without it. I barely even knew you before you hurt yourself.”

“Huh,” Dean comments, realizing the truth in that statement. “The doctor seemed happy, right?”

“I think so. I’m no doctor myself, obviously, but I think it looks promising with the range of motion you have already.”

The door opens and the doctor walks back in with the x-ray in his hand. “As I suspected, your fracture is fully healed!”

“Yay,” Dean says quietly, making Castiel laugh beside him.

“Even more exciting, I don’t think you’re going to need physiotherapy at all. Do what I did earlier, holding your finger at the first knuckle, and work on stretching the ligaments there as much as you can. Do it several times a day - I’m talking four, five times in a twelve hour period - and I’d be willing to bet you have full range of motion within a week or two.”

“Holy shit, really?” Dean asks, fucking thrilled by the information.

Castiel and the doctor both laugh again. “Really. I told you: anomaly. If two full weeks pass and you still can’t bend the same way as you can with your other fingers, call in and make another appointment, okay?”

Dean can’t believe this. “That’s it?”

The doctor smiles again. “That’s it. See how easy your body heals when you listen to the doctor, Dean?”

“Yeah, Dean,” Castiel says smugly from beside him.

“Whatever. I can use my right hand! I’m the happiest guy alive right now!” Dean exclaims, and both Cas and the doctor laugh again. Dean gets to his feet and extends his hand for a handshake. “Thanks for everything, doc.”

“You are very welcome, but I don’t really do the handshake thing, remember? Doctor. Germs,” he explains.

Dean nods and lowers his hand. “Right. Thanks again!”

Castiel opens the door for him and they walk back through the halls and out of the office.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean says excitedly. “Hold my hand.”

Castiel’s face breaks out in a grin and he reaches over to take Dean’s right hand in his, twining their fingers together carefully. “Okay?” Castiel asks nervously.

Dean laughs. “Yeah. But I’m, uh, so used to holding your hand with my left hand that it actually feels a little weird.”

Castiel laughs, too. “I thought the same thing but I was just going to let you have your moment.”

“You’re the best,” Dean tells him. He walks around to his other side so they can hold hands the way they’re used to.

“I’ll take the compliment but I don’t really think I did anything.”

“You did, though. Coming with me. I just, you know, appreciate you,” Dean says somewhat awkwardly, heat flooding his cheeks.

“We’re a couple. A team, right? I’ll always come with you.” Dean snorts and tries to cover it by looking away but he hears Castiel sigh heavily beside him. “You are incredibly immature.”

“Yeah, but you love me,” Dean teases, then winces when he hears the words come out of his mouth.

“Almost,” Castiel says lightly, smiling shyly, and Dean’s heart leaps in his chest.

“I - I didn’t mean for it to come out like that,” Dean stammers.

“Relax, sweetheart,” Castiel says, smiling wide beside him. “It’s something people say often. I didn’t read anything into it.”

“Okay,” Dean says.

He’s mentally kicking himself for not saying anything back to Cas as they walk back to the Impala. Once they reach the car, Dean opens the door for Cas before walking around to his side. Would it be weird to bring it up again now that it’s been a few minutes? He thinks he’d rather it be a little weird than have Cas think he doesn’t feel the same way as he does.

So he gets behind the wheel and then forces himself to look Cas in the eye and says, “Almost for me, too. You know.” He shrugs a shoulder half heartedly, hoping Castiel knows him well enough to know what he means.

Castiel’s entire face breaks out into a big smile and Dean is helpless against the flood of emotion inside of him. He _does_ know him well enough to read between the lines, and that’s freakin’ handy. He glances at the clock on the dashboard and realizes it’s just after three.

“Hey, uh, we got - what? More than an hour before you’d usually go pick up Claire from daycare. Wanna play hookie and go get a coffee somewhere?”

“Like a date?” Castiel asks.

Dean shrugs. “Sure. Just, you know, out somewhere. Just the two of us.”

“I’d like that very much.”

“I know just the place,” Dean says with a smile.

It’s only a few minutes later when they pull into a spot across the street from one of Dean’s favorite places in the entire world, Sugar Crush.

He gets exactly the reaction he was hoping for when Castiel sees the display full of sweets, and after a rather lengthy discussion and some friendly bickering, they decide to each get a slice of cake to share between them (this way they each get to try two kinds), and bring home a dozen sugar cookies absolutely dripping with icing for dessert.

Castiel suggests picking up their game of twenty questions from when they were first getting to know each other, and they ask each other silly things about their favorite colors, songs, movies, etc. Dean has butterflies in his stomach from the minute Castiel reaches out to hold his hand across the table, and every time he makes Castiel laugh he swears he falls just a little bit harder. It’s insane how quickly an hour passes and he can tell he’s not the only one more than slightly disappointed when they realize it’s already time to go pick up Claire.

“This might be the first time I haven’t looked forward to going to pick Claire up,” Castiel admits when they’re just around the corner from the daycare. Then he frowns. “That makes me sound like a terrible father, doesn’t it?”

Dean squeezes his hand gently. “Not to me. I don’t think you’re a bad father for enjoying time away from your kid. You’re a person too, you know? Not only a dad.”

“I think… I think spending time with you is the first time I’ve felt that way since Claire was born.”

“What about that Will guy? You never hung out with him like we do?”

“We did. It just wasn’t the same. I don’t know if maybe it was because Claire was so small and needed so much more attention at the time, or if it was me, or him, or maybe…”

“Maybe it’s because he was high all the time?” Dean says, joking.

Castiel huffs out a bit of a laugh and says, “That really shouldn’t be funny.”

Dean turns to shoot him a full-watt grin and Castiel’s smile answers his. “But it kinda is, right?”

“I _was_ going to say that maybe it’s just something about you, but you’re right. Comparatively, it probably is just because you’re not high.”

Dean snorts as he pulls the Impala in front of the daycare exactly where Cas usually parks. “One of my least appreciated character traits.”

They both get out of the car and Dean sees Charity pointing them out to Claire, who's playing in the sandbox. She drops the shovel and pushes herself up to her feet before she comes running over. “Da! Dee! Dadada DeeDeeDee!”

She goes running right for Cas, and Dean goes over to Charity to grab the Elmo bag from her.

“Hey, Mr. Winchester,” Charity greets him.

“Hey. How’d everything go this afternoon? No problems?”

“None. Your mom wanted to be here to check out how the doctor’s appointment went but Deklan needed to use the bathroom so she went inside with him. I’m guessing since the splint is off it all went okay?” she asks.

“Yup! I’m a fast healer, apparently.”

“Deeeee!” Claire calls to him, arms reaching out for him.

Dean grins. “Hey, I can actually pick her up normally now,” he realizes. He grabs her, still somewhat carefully, and tosses her in the air once he realizes it doesn’t hurt his finger, earning himself one of his favorite high-pitched belly laughs from Claire. “There’s my girl,” he says, giving her a little squeeze before he hitches her on his hip. “We get to ride in Dean’s super cool car today. What do you think about that?”

“Car,” Claire answers.

“You bet. This is my Baby.”

“Car,” Claire repeats.

“It is a car, yeah, but I call my car Baby,” Dean explains.

“Car,” Claire insists.

“Baby,” Dean argues, tapping her on the nose and making her smile.

“It’s okay, Claire, it _is_ kind of silly that Dean named his car,” Castiel says from beside him.

“Hey,” Dean protests, insulted. “You have your baby and I have mine.”

“Yes, but you’re holding mine, and I’ve never driven yours.”

“And you’re not gonna after calling me silly for naming her either,” Dean says quickly. Then he turns back to Claire. “Let’s get you in the car, buddy.”

“See you tomorrow Mr. Winchester, Mr. Novak,” Charity says to them.

He hears Cas say, “Castiel is fine, Charity, thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See ya,” Dean calls over his shoulder.

Dean’s just about finished buckling Claire in when Castiel says his name.

“Dean.”

“One sec,” Dean answers with his head still inside the car. One more buckle and she’s in. _Click_. There.

“ _Dean_ ,” Castiel says again, and this time, Dean catches on to the tone of his voice.

He stands up, shuts Claire’s door, and looks back to Cas. Castiel flicks his eyes to the entrance of the gym and Dean looks over but sees nothing out of place.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, stepping closer to Cas and wrapping his arm around him, wanting to protect him from whatever’s making his voice sound like that.

“That motorcycle is the same kind that Arthur used to drive. You don’t think...”

Dean flicks his eyes to the entrance again and this time he zeroes in on the motorcycle and driver he dismissed earlier. Ice fills his veins thinking of Ketch being at his gym again. As if the person driving it can see them looking at him, he kicks off and comes towards them, riding down the road that leads to the exit, and even giving them a small salute as he drives by and onto the road.

“Guess that answers that,” Dean says dryly. Nobody else would be a big enough douche to salute the two of them. “You okay?” he asks Cas, turning to check on him.

His face is pale, and he doesn’t look okay. Not at all.

“Cas, honey, let’s get you home, okay?” Castiel nods. Dean opens the passenger side of the car for him and lets him in, then they drive home in a heavy silence while Dean’s mind is whirling. “Just give me five minutes to change and I’ll be right back, okay?” Dean says once they get to Castiel’s apartment.

Dean’s barely closed the door behind him before he’s calling his mom’s work cell. He explains what they saw and asks her to check the security camera feed to see how long he’d been there and what he was doing. He asks her to text him back instead of calling so he can see what’s going on before he worries Cas any further.

He throws on a grey pair of sweatpants and an undershirt and heads back to Cas’s.

“In the kitchen,” Castiel calls out. Claire’s on the floor playing with her cars and Dean debates for a minute whether he should play with Claire or talk to Cas. He decides to go with Cas.

“I’ll be right back, buddy,” Dean promises Claire. He walks through the room to the kitchen and sees Castiel buttering some bread. “Hey, you okay in here?”

“I’m alright,” Castiel answers. “I thought grilled cheese and tomato soup would be nice. Some comfort food.”

“Sure, that sounds great. Listen, I called my mom -”

“Let’s talk after Claire’s in bed,” Castiel interrupts. “Please.”

That makes sense. “Yeah, okay. Sure. You uh, need a hand in here?”

“No, I’ve got it under control. If you could entertain Claire it would be a big help.”

“I’m on it,” Dean promises, and leans in to kiss him quickly on the cheek before he goes in to see Claire.

“Car,” Claire says, holding one up to him as he approaches her.

“This one for me?” Dean asks, reaching out to take it from her. _Yes_ , she signs. “Alright, show me what you wanna do.”

Claire starts making her car sounds as she pushes the cars into a line, so Dean grabs a couple and lines them up with her. It always makes him think of a busy highway when she does this, and he hopes he gets to figure out if that’s what she’s actually doing one of these days. After they empty the little bucket of cars one by one, they have what looks like thirty cars lined up. Claire turns the bucket upside down and frowns. _More_ , she signs to Dean.

Dean chuckles. “Dude, you’ve got about thirty cars already. You don’t need more.”

 _More_ , Claire insists.

“That’s it. There’s no more, buddy. All gone,” Dean tells her, signing it to her.

Next thing he knows, she reaches out and sweeps her arm into the line of cars, making them go skirting all over the living room floor with defiance written all over her face.

“Hey! What’d you do that for?” Dean says unhappily. “Claire made a big mess.”

 _All done_ , Claire signs, standing up and going over to grab her shape sorter from the toy box.

“Woah, woah. Hang on there Wreck it Ralph. First we pick up the cars, then we play with the shapes.” He points to the cars again. “Pick up.”

Claire shakes her head and signs _all done_ again.

“Too bad,” Dean replies. “No shape sorter until you pick up the cars. Do you want me to help you?” _Help,_ Dean signs. Still, Claire hesitates. She’s just looking at him with fire in those big blue eyes of hers, her face stern, like she’s waiting him out. A few seconds later, she takes another step towards the shape sorter and Dean holds up a hand to stop her. “No, Claire,” Dean says again, his voice more firm this time.

Claire drops to the floor and starts crying. Loudly. He almost forgot what a set of fucking lungs she has on her. It’s like nails on a chalkboard. Dean’s hardly ever seen her act like this, and he isn’t exactly sure what to do to make her stop crying, but he does know she’s damn well picking up those cars. He gives her a minute or two to see if she’ll get tired of screaming on her own, but when there’s no end in sight and Castiel pokes his head in around the corner to see what’s going on, Dean decides he’d better at least try to do something. He waves Castiel away and starts talking to Claire.

“Cry all you want,” Dean says over her screaming. Then he lowers his voice a little bit, hoping she’ll be curious enough to hear what he has to say to stop screaming. “I get it. Claire’s mad. Claire’s real mad that Dean won’t let her play with her toys. Claire’s sad, too, ‘cause there’s no more cars.” Claire has quieted down, and Dean would pat himself on the back if he could. “It totally sucks. I get it, buddy. I do.”

Claire is still crying, but it’s more like genuine crying now instead of just pitching a fit. Her little lip is trembling and her eyes are glistening with tears and she’s pretty much the cutest slash saddest thing he’s ever seen in his entire life.

“Does Claire need a hug?” Dean asks.

Her breath hitches a little, but she doesn’t hesitate at all before she walks over and wraps her arms around his neck, placing her head on his shoulder. Dean rubs her back and rocks her a little. “It’s okay to be mad or sad. It’s even okay to knock sh- stuff over when you’re mad sometimes, so long as you don’t hurt nobody or break anything, I guess. But you have to clean up the mess you make, okay? First you clean up, then you can play more toys,” he tells her again now that she doesn’t seem so mad.

There’s another minute or two where her breath hitches while she tries to calm down, and Dean grabs a Kleenex for her nose so she doesn’t snot all over his shirt more than she already has.

“All better?” Dean asks.

Claire sniffles once more then turns around to the toys. She looks back at Dean and signs _help_. Her bottom lip is still sticking out in a bit of a pout and Dean can’t help smiling at her. “Yeah, I’ll help.” He grabs the bucket her cars were in, picks up the closest car, and tosses it inside. “Claire’s turn.”

Claire picks up a car and puts it in. Kinda roughly - actually more like throwing it than anything - but he’ll take it.

“That’s a good girl,” he tells her. “Good job, Claire!” He grabs a second car and tosses it into the bucket, and she grabs a second one, too. “We already picked up four cars! See how fast we can be? Keep going, blondie,” he urges her. He picks up a few more and so does she, then he stops and Claire keeps going. He points out some that she doesn’t see, and it’s only a few minutes before they’re all picked up.

“We got them all! You did it, Claire! Give me a high five!” She comes over and grins when she high fives him, and he reaches out to ruffle her hair. “That’s my good girl. Thank you for cleaning up your mess. Do you wanna play with your shape sorter now?”

 _Eat_ , Claire signs.

“I swear she has a built-in timer,” Castiel says from beside the couch. He has no idea how long he’s been standing there, but he thinks he did okay with Claire so he’s not too worried about it. “Supper’s all ready. Let’s eat,” Castiel says to both of them.

They sit down at the table and dig in since Castiel has already carried their food over. When Dean sees Castiel start spoon feeding Claire he frowns at her bowl. “Dude, why’re you feeding her tomato mush? That looks like somebody’s already eaten it, if you know what I mean.”

Castiel frowns down at the bowl. “Thanks for that.” He shakes his head and gives Claire another bite. “It has crackers crushed up into it so it’s easier for her to eat. Also helps it cool down a little.”

“Still looks gross,” Dean insists.

“It’s a good thing you don’t have to eat it, then.”

“This is good though,” Dean says, dipping his grilled cheese into his soup. “Just like my mom used to make when I was little.”

“Mine, too,” Castiel smiles. “Especially if it was a particularly cold day.” His smile fades to a frown and Dean knows he’s thinking about how he misses his family.

“Kinda cool how you can do the same thing with Claire, you know? Even if your mom’s being stubborn and isn’t around, you can still kinda pass on the tradition, you know? Then one day - when Claire’s like 50 and is finally allowed to date - ” he gets a small smile from Cas for that one “ - and has kids of her own, she can do the same thing with them.”

Castiel gives him a real smile now. “I like the way you think. Thank you,” he says, looking somewhat shy now. Of course, that just gets Dean’s heart flip flopping in his chest again.

“Hey, no biggie. My mom used to tell us stuff like that after dad died.”

“What kinds of things do you do that remind you of him?” Castiel asks.

“Well, my car was his car. So Baby’s a big one for me.”

“Car!” Claire pipes up with and Dean shoots her an amused smile.

“And I used to watch him when he’d work on her, you know? Probably annoyed him more than anything looking back, but I did learn stuff. I knew how to change the oil before he died, and I knew the steps of changing a tire even though I was too small to do it on my own. So I figure one day when my kid gets a driver’s license, I can show her - or him - ” he adds quickly, realizing he was smiling at Claire and thinking of her “how to do that, and it’d kinda be like my dad showed them, too.”

“Maybe you could show me, as well,” Castiel says somewhat bashfully. “I can change a tire but I don’t know how to change the oil. I pay somebody to do it.”

“I can show you so you know how, but I could do it for you, too. I like taking care of you,” Dean says.

He gets a warm smile for that, and he has to look away so his face doesn’t heat up more than it already has.

Thankfully, there’s no more fits from Claire for the rest of the night, and she goes down easily at bedtime. After they both kiss Claire goodnight, they walk out to the couch and Dean lets Castiel curl up on his chest while Dean wraps his arms around him. Usually, they cuddle the other way around, but without discussing it, they both know Cas is the one who needs to be held right now.

Dean rubs his back, and combs his fingers through Castiel’s hair, comforting him silently until Castiel asks, “What did your mom say when you spoke with her?”

“I asked her to check out the security cameras to see what Ketch was doing before we saw him. She texted me back saying he just pulled in not even five minutes before we got there. Looks like he waited until we saw him, then drove by to wave. That’s it. He didn’t try getting into the gym or going around by the daycare or anything like that.”

Castiel sighs heavily. “Then what’s the point, Dean? Why would he come to your work just to drive by and wave at us?”

“I was hopin’ you might have the answer to that. I don’t even know the dude. I have no clue what he’d hope to gain from waving at us, _or_ what he was trying to accomplish by coming by the gym last week.”

“It doesn’t make any sense. He’s usually the kind of guy who just goes after what he wants. He doesn’t tiptoe around what he’s hoping to get. That’s why I don’t understand this. It isn’t like him,” Castiel answers.

“Do you think he’d know that you don’t want him around me or Claire?”

“I can’t imagine anybody would want their ex-husband and their boyfriend to spend any amount of time together. Especially when things ended between him and I the way they did,” Castiel adds.

“Can’t argue with that,” Dean agrees. “So do you think he’s tryin’ to, I dunno, cause problems between us? Maybe did he come by to check to see if we were still together after what he pulled last week?”

“I suppose it’s possible. But why? Why does he care if you and I are together if he never wanted me anyway?” Castiel asks bitterly.

“Well, from what you said before, it wasn’t exactly that he didn’t want you. He just wanted other people, too,” Dean comments.

“He didn’t want me enough to give up all of the other men on the side,” Castiel points out. “I don’t even believe he truly cared about me.”

“Listen, I hate that fucker, and the last thing I wanna do is try to make him look good. But why would he marry you if he didn’t care about you? Plus, I can say from experience it’s impossible to be around you and not care for you, Cas.”

Castiel wiggles in impossibly closer and Dean runs his hand through his hair again. “Looking back, I don’t think it’s that he cared about me. I think he wanted to own me, like everything else. He was really upset when I refused to take his last name.”

Dean lets that sink in for a minute and tries to let go of the idea of Castiel and Claire Winchester ever happening. “Okay. Well, do you think he’s one of those crazies who’s all, ‘If I can’t have you then nobody can have you’ kinda thing?”

There’s a silence where Castiel is obviously thinking about that. “I don’t know. I don’t suppose it would be out of character for him, but it still doesn't make sense. Why you? Why try breaking us up already when we’ve only known each other a month? Why didn’t he try any of this when I was with Will? It was closer to the time when we divorced, and he was the only other man I’ve been with other than Arthur.”

“You said the dude’s rich, right? Maybe he had Will checked out or something? Knew he was a druggie and that it’d never work out so didn’t bother?”

Castiel makes a sound of frustration. “I can’t stand the idea that he’s been out there watching every move I’ve made since I left. I don’t want anything to do with him! I just want him to leave me alone - leave _us_ alone - so I can finally be happy for once in my life!”

“I know, honey, I know,” Dean says softly, trying to sooth him.

“What are we going to do?” Castiel asks quietly.

Dean doesn’t know. He doesn’t have the answer and it’s killing him that he can’t fix this for Cas. All he knows is that he wants to protect Castiel and keep Ketch as far away from him as possible. He wants him to feel safe. “I don’t know how any of this shit works, but do you want to maybe look into a restraining order or something? Make it so he’s not allowed to come near you or Claire.”

“I don’t know how it works either, but I’m not sure he’s done anything at this point to warrant that, from the perspective of the law. Him coming by your workplace twice in two weeks and not even speaking to me isn’t immediately threatening.”

“If he keeps doin’ it though, maybe? He can’t just keep driving by. That’s stalking or whatever,” Dean insists. “Hey, maybe we should talk to a lawyer?”

Castiel shakes his head. “I don’t know if I can afford that right now.”

“I could,” Dean offers quickly.

“I’m not taking your money.”

“It’s just money, Cas. It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing!” Castiel argues, sitting up now. “I don’t know how long it would take to pay you back, and I’m not putting that between us already.”

“It’s _nothing_ compared to keeping you and Claire safe!” Dean maintains. “Do you know how much I’d hate myself if something ever happened to either of you because I didn’t offer up the money I have just sitting in the bank? I don’t care if you ever give it back if I can help you feel safe, hon. You gotta know that.”

“It - it doesn’t feel right,” Castiel answers.

“It doesn't feel right to see if there’s something we can do to make all this go away? It might not even be that much money just to talk to somebody. We could at least look into it and fight about the details later,” Dean prompts him.

Castiel nods his head, running his hands through his hair. “You’re right. You’re right,” he repeats again. “I can call around tomorrow, and then we’ll go from there. Thank you for pushing me.”

“The stubborn Novaks have met their match in me,” Dean teases, remembering Claire’s fit earlier.

Cas leans in to brush their lips together. “You don’t know what this means to me. How good it feels to have somebody else in my corner for once.”

“You said we’re a team earlier, right?” Dean reminds him.

Castiel smiles and nods again. “Yes, I suppose I did. Should have figured that would come back to bite me in the ass.” Dean smiles back and leans in to press a kiss to his temple. “Will you stay with me tonight? I know it’s inconvenient for you in the morning, but…”

“‘Course I’ll stay with you, hon. It’s not a big inconvenience.”

“You have to wake up earlier if you stay here,” Castiel reminds him.

“Yeah, but I get to sleep with you. I’d take that over more sleep any day.”

“Dean,” Castiel says softly, leaning in to kiss him again, this time cupping his face before sliding his hand around the back of his neck to hold him in place while he deepens the kiss, sliding his tongue into his mouth and slowly turning Dean to mush. When he pulls away, he leaves his forehead resting against Dean’s temple. “You make me feel so much,” he whispers.

Dean closes his eyes, basking in all of the fuzzy feelings floating inside of him, and caresses Castiel’s knee, running his thumb back and forth on his jeans. He knows he’s dangerously close to falling in love with Cas, and it’s simultaneously really freaking scary and the best thing he’s ever felt. “Right there with you,” Dean replies finally.

Castiel kisses his cheek and then straightens up. “Want to watch television in bed for a bit?”

“Sounds good to me,” Dean replies.

For the first time in bed next to Cas, he doesn’t fall asleep easily later that night. He and Castiel both lay awake for what seems like a long time. He’s sure Castiel’s mind is wandering to Ketch the same way his is. Dean whispers promises of keeping them all safe to Castiel in the dark, sealing each of them with another kiss against his skin over and over until he feels Castiel begin to relax, and finally fall asleep in his arms. Only then does Dean allow himself to drift off after him.


	15. Chapter 15

Today marks fifteen days since Ketch drove by on his stupid motorcycle and they haven’t seen him since. Every day that’s gone by brings Cas and Dean a growing sense of relief. Maybe he’s done with them. Maybe he got whatever he wanted from meeting Dean and seeing him and Cas together, and that’s it.

One of Dean’s favorite things to say to Cas whenever he brings it up is that they should thank him. Really, Ketch sniffing around brought him and Cas even closer together. Castiel has really let Dean in since they saw him last.

They’ve been dating six weeks now, and celebrated one month together as boyfriends a few days ago on the 18th like a couple of teenagers. Dean bought Cas flowers again, and after Claire went to bed that night Castiel put out a tray of fruit he cut up and they melted chocolate to have fondue. Turns out Dean doesn’t mind eating fruit so much when it’s dipped in warm, gooey chocolate. Or maybe it had something to do with how he let Cas feed it to him and lick away the chocolate that had gathered at the corners of his mouth, leading rather quickly to two extremely satisfying blow jobs in the living room before they cuddled up together in bed.

Whether it was hitting that month mark, or Ketch butting in and forcing them closer together, there’d been an obvious shift between them in the last few weeks. Castiel isn’t even trying to deal with everything on his own anymore. He’s started to seek Dean out for comfort, he asks his opinion before making important decisions, and the two of them even worked together to find a highly recommended yet not-too-expensive lawyer they could meet with to ask about a restraining order.

Thankfully, after Dean mentioned that to his mom at lunch one day, she suggested maybe just talking to her friend Jody about it. Jody’s a local police officer, and his mom was pretty sure she’d be able to offer some advice. Jody came over for family dinner the next weekend, and after they explained what’s been going on, Dean was pretty pissed to learn that Cas was right. So far, there’s dick all they can do about Ketch sniffing around. Jody suggested they document the few run ins they’ve had, to stay aware of their surroundings and to keep an eye out for him in public places in case he’s not just driving past the daycare (Castiel had gone pale at the suggestion) and to keep her informed of any further sightings of him. But that’s really all they can do right now.

Everybody at the dinner table that night had sworn to do whatever they could to keep an eye out for Ketch and to keep Claire safe. Mary, Sam, Jess, and Dean had assured Castiel again that he would never _ever_ get anywhere close to Claire at daycare, and Dean said he knew the two of them could keep her safe at home. Castiel had teared up after he heard so many people willing to stick their own necks out for Claire, and a few tears had escaped while he thanked them for it. He admitted to Dean in bed later that night that he feels like Claire has a family around her now, and Dean had promised to never take that away from her no matter what happens between them.

They’ve seen each other every night over the last two weeks, spent the night together several times, and still, Dean can’t get enough of him. When Friday came around again and he didn’t get the chance to sit and talk with Cas like he does every other night, he hated it. Again. Which is why tonight, a week later, they’re having their second date night and Castiel is going to join Dean and his buddies for the first time once Claire’s in bed. They were going to stay in and play games, but since Dean knows Cas doesn’t get out often without Claire, they decided to hit up their favorite spot instead. Jo already reserved them their table at The Roadhouse and reminded them it was karaoke night, and Dean can’t wait for Castiel to meet everybody.

He’s in his office now, going through his emails near the end of the day, hoping to clear them all out of his inbox before he takes off for the weekend. Cas is letting him bring Claire home tonight for the first time, and he’s more excited about it than he probably should be. Putting her in her car seat and driving her back to Castiel’s apartment isn’t necessarily hard work, but he knows it’s a big step for Cas to trust him with, so he’s looking forward to it.

He’s got less than twenty minutes left until he has to pick up Claire, and only six emails to get through. There’s a big smile on his face and his knee is jiggling with excitement the closer it gets to home time when he clicks on the last email.

This one came to him through the website because the person had indicated they were interested in personal training. There’s a short blurb of text along with the required fields.

 

 **Name:** John Doe

 **Email:** [ guesswho@gmail.com ](mailto:guesswho@gmail.com)

**Question Subject:** Personal Training

**Your Question or Comment:**

I told you I have no problems with endurance and I prefer to go hard. Remember, Dean? I bet _he_ does. You should ask him.

https://imgur.com/jy4XUDx

Tur-rah!

 

Dean’s back was up before he got to the closing greeting, but now he can feel his insides twisting, knowing exactly who sent this. He copies and pastes the link into his browser and instantly wishes he hadn’t.

It’s a picture of a man. Naked. On his hands and knees with a visible wet spot on the bed sheets beneath him. Dean can’t see his face, and his dark hair is barely visible because his head is hanging down, but he already knows who it is. He knows Castiel’s body, even if he’s bonier and paler than he’s ever seen him. He feels bile rise in his throat when he sees splashes of a milky white substance all over his ass and the back of his thighs, knowing exactly what it is and who put it there. Misplaced jealousy screams through his body, and he wishes he’d never seen Cas like that after he’d obviously been with Ketch.

But all of that is nothing compared to the rage and disgust he feels when he sees Castiel’s asshole exposed, his rim looking red and puffy, and sickenly sore with streaks of pink along his crack.

He didn’t think Castiel was exaggerating when he said he was fucked until he bled, but actually seeing it is something entirely different. And knowing that Ketch took fucking pictures of Castiel like this - of his husband bleeding and in pain - and kept them like a fucking trophy has his entire body flooding with more anger than he knew he was capable of feeling.

He wants to kill Ketch. He wants to punch him right in his smarmy fucking face. He wants to make the fucker bleed just as much as he made Cas bleed. He wants to make him _pay_ for hurting him like this. And all he can do is pace around his office trying not to punch the wall the way he wants to because even through the haze of rage he still knows he really doesn’t want another broken finger.

He closes the browser quickly and tries taking in several deep breaths to calm himself, but when his eyes slip closed all he sees is that picture of Cas and he curses aloud. Without knowing what else to do other than getting this email off of his work computer as fast as he can, he forwards it to his personal email address before he deletes it and clears his browser history, then screenshots the picture on his phone to keep as evidence in case Ketch deletes it or something. Far back in his mind, buried beneath his anger, he recognizes that maybe this can be used against the fucker to keep him away from Cas, but he’s so fucking mad that he can’t really concentrate on that right now.

He buries his face in his hands. _What‘s he going to do?_

He knows he has to tell Cas, and honestly, that’s the last thing he wants to do. They’ve both finally started to relax again and things are going _so well_ between them, and he can’t even imagine how Cas is going to react knowing that he’s seen a picture of him like this. He’s running his hands down his face, trying to get his shit back together, when his alarm on his phone goes off.

Time to go pick up Claire.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

He swallows down his rage the best he can, grabs his duffel bag and takes off out the front door to get his car. He’s glad Jess is already gone for the day because he knows she would’ve seen right through the way he’s pretending to be okay.

He takes in another deep breath. He can do this. He’s fine. Well, no. He’s not fine. But he can fake it. He doesn’t want to freak out Claire and he doesn’t want his mom on his ass either. He gets in his car and pulls it around to the front of the daycare where Cas usually parks.

Everything else goes flying from his mind when he sees Claire wandering the yard in her pink coat and little lamb hat. She looks up at him when his mom points him out. Her face lights up, she drops the car she had in her hand and makes a bee-line for him immediately. Her hands are already reaching for him from across the yard and she’s excitedly babbling, “DeeDeeDeeDeeDee,” over and over as she gets closer. He barely registers his mom coming behind her with Claire’s Elmo bag in her hands because he’s too busy scooping Claire up and into the air and twirling her around a little just to hear that belly laugh of hers.

He feels it fill him up with happiness and that warmth he usually associates with Cas and can’t help but smile.

He presses his forehead to hers, taking in her big blue eyes, bright with happiness, and accepts the kiss she gives him and then plants another one on top of her head. “Missed you too, blondie,” he tells her quietly. Thankfully nobody’s close enough to hear how rough his voice his.

“Da!” Claire says, bouncing in his arms.

“Yes!” he tells her, quickly changing gears. “We’re gonna go for a fun ride in Dean’s car and go home to see Da, okay?”

“Car!” Claire repeats, pointing at his car.

“Yep, Dean’s car. Baby,” he says, since he knows that always gets her riled up.

She shakes her head no quickly. “Car!” Claire insists, and Dean laughs before he kisses her again. It’s always so amusing to see her argue with him over what his car’s called.

“Dean’s car’s name is Baby.”

“Car!”

“Baby,” Dean corrects her.

“You actually enjoy arguing with her, don’t you?” Mary asks him, her arms crossed.

“I really do,” Dean admits, smiling. “How was her day? Anything I have to pass on to the boss?”

Mary chuckles. “Nope. Everything went great, as usual.”

“Perfect,” Dean replies. “You’re going over to Cas’s place around 8:15?” Mary nods. “You sure you don’t want me to be there?”

“I’m sure. I’ll text you if Castiel seems reluctant to leave like he was last month, though.”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good call. Thanks. And thanks again for watching her tonight so Cas can meet everybody,” Dean tells her.

“I don’t mind in the least. His couch is very comfortable,” she smiles. “You two have fun, and make sure you do whatever you can to make him feel like he isn’t the odd one out.”

“Da!” Claire says suddenly.

“Okay, okay, we’re goin’. Thanks ma,” Dean says again, leaning in to kiss her quickly on the cheek. “Let’s get you in your seat, blondie.”

“Car!” Claire says, pointing at it with a mischievous smile on her face.

Dean huffs out a laugh. “Ya know, I think you like fighting with me just as much I do with you,” he says, sitting her in her seat. He buckles her in carefully, fixes the chest clip, and closes her door. He gets in his own seat and looks in the rear view mirror. “Next stop, daddy!” Dean promises, and Claire claps her little hands in excitement.

He feels oddly content with Claire in the back seat, but the closer they get to the apartment, the more reality starts closing in on him. He really, _really_ doesn’t want to tell Cas about that email. He’s supposed to go meet his friends around seven, and he knows by experience it’s going to be almost six by the time they’re done feeding Claire. That barely even gives him an hour to be able to talk about everything before he has to take off, and that’s not including all of the interrupting he knows Claire will do.

Then Cas is supposed to come out with him and his friends and have a good time, when he knows he’s going to be worried about Claire the whole time. Fuck. Why did Ketch have to do this? Why did he have to do it _today?_ Why can’t he just leave them the fuck alone?

He pulls into the parking lot after coming to the conclusion that he’ll just wait and tell Cas about all this tomorrow. There’s nothing they can do about it tonight anyway, and there’s no use getting Cas all worked up for nothing when he deserves to come out with him and his friends and have a good time for once.

Yeah. He just won’t tell him tonight. He isn’t lying exactly, he’s just postponing the truth for a night…

He gets Claire out of her car seat and puts her Elmo bag over her shoulders. “Claire carries Claire’s bag, Dean will carry Dean’s bag,” he tells her, grabbing his duffel and throwing it over his shoulder. “Let’s go get Dad.”

“Da!” Claire says excitedly, reaching up for his finger to wrap her tiny hand around.

He knows he doesn’t have to knock, so he pushes the door open to an empty living room. He grins before he calls out in a sing-song voice, “Honey, we’re home!”

Castiel comes hurrying out of the kitchen with an oven mitt still on his hands and Claire goes rushing over to him. “Hi guys! Hi Claire Bear,” he says, bending over to hitch her onto his hip. “How did pick up go?” He walks the few spaces over to Dean and kisses him softly.

“Good. Mom said she had a great day as usual, and there wasn’t anything I needed to pass on to you.”

“Dee car!” Claire says to Cas.

“Did you go in Dean’s car?” Castiel repeats.

“Beebee,” Claire says.

“Beebee?” Castiel repeats curiously, but Dean knows exactly what she’s saying and he just needs a second to scrape his jaw up off of the floor.

“Beebee,” Claire says again, looking at Dean.

“Baby,” Dean says for Cas, unable to hide the huge fucking smile on his face. “Dean’s car is Baby.”

“Beebee,” Claire repeats, clapping her hands.

“Oh my god, I love you so much, munchkin,” Dean says with a bit of a laugh, giving her a big smooch on the cheek now that he knows he was right. Claire said Baby!

Claire wriggles out of Castiel’s arms and goes over to her train tracks.

“Were you arguing with her again?” Castiel accuses him, but he’s smiling almost as wide as Dean is.

Dean shrugs. “She’s funny when she gets all mad about it.” He can tell Cas is about to give him shit for it, so he keeps talking. “And hey! It worked out okay! She said Baby! That’s another word!”

“You’re corrupting her. Teaching her to name sports cars like people,” Castiel says, crossing his arms across his chest and arching his eyebrows at him.

“I’m making her _cool_ ,” Dean disagrees. “You’re welcome. Your kid’s officially the coolest one year old on the face of the planet. I wonder if I can find a little Impala replica dinky car for her…” Dean wonders aloud.

“You’re adorable,” Castiel tells him, giving up on pretending to be annoyed and fisting his shirt in his hand to pull him in for a lingering kiss. When he breaks their kiss several seconds later, he brushes his thumb across Dean’s cheek and says, “Thank you for bringing Claire home tonight.”

“It was easy. Took an extra two minutes outta my day.”

“And saved me twenty minutes of driving, which I really appreciate,” Castiel answers. “And because of that, you get the macaroni casserole you love so much.”

Dean’s eyes go a little wide with excitement. “With bacon and extra cheese?”

Castiel chuckles. “After you proposed to me when I added it last time, I wasn’t going to forget about that anytime soon.”

“You’re the best,” Dean tells him, leaning in for another quick kiss.

“Mmmm,” Castiel responds, chasing his lips to draw out the kiss. “Come kiss me some more while I get everything else ready in the kitchen,” Castiel says, tugging him along and making Dean smile as he follows behind him.

Once they get into the kitchen where Claire can’t see them anymore Castiel loops his arms around his neck and kisses him again and again.

“You miss me today or something?” Dean asks him, smiling at the extra attention.

“I suppose you could say that. I’m also quite excited for a night out with you and your friends tonight.”

“Yeah? Me, too. Especially if it ends as great as our last date night did,” Dean replies, grinning.

“I think your chances are pretty good,” Castiel says, running his hands down his sides and cupping his ass.

Dean drops his lips to his neck with a soft moan and nuzzles in, kissing a line across his jaw while Cas massages his asscheeks. Feels really freaking good.

“Cas,” Dean sighs into his skin.

Castiel turns his head to meet his lips and opens his mouth to Dean’s prodding tongue. Dean indulges himself, enjoying the way their tongues slide together lazily. He kisses Castiel until they’re both breathless, then trails his lips back down to his neck to tease all of the spots that drive him wild. They only break apart because the timer on the oven goes off.

“Crap, you distracted me away from slicing up the bread your mom gave me this morning,” Castiel says, blushing slightly and pushing Dean to put some space between them.

“You started it. Bein’ all cute and then getting handsy with me,” Dean says, unable to wipe the smile off of his face. Cas always makes him feel so damn much, and the little moments like this when they seem to lose track of everything but each other makes him feel things he’s never felt before. But they do have to make dinner, so he tries to push that down for now. “You get the food outta the oven and I’ll slice the bread.”

They work in a comfortable silence for a minute or two before Castiel asks, “How was work today?”

Dean feels his heart clench in his chest. “Uh, good, I guess. You know,” Dean says awkwardly, shrugging a shoulder.

“You guess?” Castiel repeats.

Dean’s stomach twists with guilt, and he sighs unhappily. He can’t lie to Cas.

“Okay, listen. Don’t freak out or anything okay? But something kinda happened right before I went to pick up Claire.” Dean curses inwardly when he sees panic and fear flash in Castiel’s eyes immediately. “Honey, relax, okay? Ketch wasn’t at the daycare or the gym or anything like that, and what happened had nothing to do with Claire. I wanna tell you all about it but I don’t want Ketch to ruin our night out tonight.” Castiel’s staring at him, looking a little less panic-stricken, but he knows he still wants to ask about it even if Dean doesn’t want him to. “I know this is hard for you and it’s probably gonna drive you crazy not knowing. But can you just, you know, trust me, and know that I’m gonna tell you when we have time to talk about it tomorrow? Please? There’s nothing we can do about what happened today anyway. I wasn’t gonna mention it at all tonight but I couldn’t even last ten minutes hiding something from you,” he admits.

Castiel turns to scoop some of the casserole into bowls and Dean waits, knowing he sometimes just needs a minute to think things through. When he turns back to face him, he says, “You promise me there’s nothing we can do about whatever happened today?”

“I promise,” Dean says quickly.

“And it doesn’t have anything to do with Claire?” Castiel repeats.

“Nothing. You know I’d tell you if it did.”

Castiel nods slowly. “Okay,” he says softly. “I trust your judgement, and I’ll try not to think about it anymore tonight.” Dean breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank you for being honest with me.”

“Always. I got you, Cas. You know that.”

Castiel runs his hand across his back and leans in to kiss him again. “I know. Let’s eat and forget about everything else except for how I’m going to win over your friends tonight, okay?”

Dean’s impressed when Cas seems to be able to do just that. He doesn’t bring up what little he told him again, and once they’re finished eating and clean up after dinner, it’s time for Dean to kiss Claire goodbye so he can go home and change.

He changes into a pair of fitted jeans, a black tee, and a green plaid flannel on over that he leaves unbuttoned. He redoes his hair, adds a touch of cologne, and when Sam sends him a text saying he’s downstairs, he grabs his keys and hurries down to meet him.

Sam wrinkles his nose as soon as he gets in the car. “You smell like a magazine scratch and sniff.”

“Missed you too, Sammy,” Dean says, making kissy noises at him.

“Get out and walk,” Sam replies, but he can’t hide his amused smile.

“You like it,” Dean shoots back, and Sam snorts.

“Uh, no. And I’m pretty sure I’ll be seeing more of you kissing later tonight than I want to.”

Dean thinks about how affectionate Cas was already tonight and grins. “I think you might be right for once. Ah well, first time for everything.”

“You’re such a jerk,” Sam says.

They continue to bicker back and forth as usual until they pull into the parking lot at The Roadhouse. They walk inside and straight over to the booth Charlie and Jo are already sitting at.

Dean’s barely even sat down beside Charlie before he gets a whack across the chest from her.

“What the hell was that for?” Dean asks with indignation.

“You said you were bringing Castiel!”

“I am! He’s coming after he puts Claire to bed. Jeez, relax,” he laughs.

Charlie deflates a bit. “Oh. Yeah. That makes sense.” Then she whacks him across the chest again and grins even while Dean glares at her. “I take it back.”

Dean takes a deep breath. “I need a beer.”

“I already ordered the first round,” Jo says.

“Knew I liked you,” Dean answers.

Jo rolls her eyes and Charlie answers for her. “Don’t let your boyfriend hear you say that.” She bounces her eyebrows knowingly.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean replies. Not five minutes in and he’s already being teased about Cas. What else is new.

Just then, the waiter comes over with a tray full of drinks.

“Well if it isn’t my least favorite waiter,” Dean jokes.

“Good thing I already spit in your beer, Dean-o,” Gabriel answers with a smirk.

“Wouldn’t taste right without it anymore,” Dean answers.

“You’re either short a couple of people or you guys are really committed to getting smashed tonight,” Gabriel comments, spreading the drinks along the table.

“More are coming,” Sam answers him.

Gabriel bats his eyelashes at him. “Hey, good lookin’.”

“Here we go,” Sam says under his breath, and Dean leans back against the bench to enjoy the show.

“You know you want me,” Gabriel says confidently.

“I’m married,” Sam tells him for what Dean knows is the millionth time.

“I’m not asking you out,” Gabriel replies, still smiling innocently.

“Good, because I’m pretty sure my wife would crush you like a bug,” Sam warns him.

“She doesn’t need to be jealous, sweet cheeks. I’d totally share.”

“ _I told you_ -” Sam begins angrily.

“Alright, alright, break it up you two. It’s gonna be a long night as it is, I don’t need to listen to the two of you bickering like an old married couple the whole time,” Dean cuts in.

“Believe me, if we were married he’d be too busy with his mouth wrapped around my -”

“Hey guys!” Kevin says from behind Gabriel, cutting him off mid-sentence and sliding in beside Sam, reaching for the cider on the table he knows is his.

“How y’all doin’ tonight?” Benny says, slapping Gabriel companionably on the back before he slides in beside Kevin, across from Dean.

“I have literally never been happier to see you guys,” Sam says under his breath.

“I’ll be back later guys, holler if you need anything. Especially you, Sam,” Gabriel says with a wink, and Dean laughs at his brother’s bitch face.

“Laugh it up, jerk,” Sam says to Dean.

“If you just ignored him instead of looking so flustered all the time he’d leave you alone,” Dean tells him, not for the first time.

“Fuck you, he doesn’t _fluster_ me,” Sam says, but there’s definitely a blush on his cheeks. “Besides, Mom always told me to ignore you too, but that never made you stop bugging me!”

“I’m your brother. That’s my job. It’s different.”

“Where’s that boy a yours?” Benny asks Dean.

“Kid duty. He has to put Claire to bed first. He should be here around 8:30,” Dean explains again.

“Sounds good. Gives us a ‘lil time to cement the rules before he gets here,” Benny chuckles, and the rest of the table laughs along with him.

“What am I missing?” Dean asks.

“It was all Charlie’s idea,” Jo starts.

“You traitor!” Charlie says quickly and Jo laughs into her drink.

“What’d you do, red?” Dean questions her, knowing it can’t be good for him if everybody’s laughing already.

“I just suggested a drinking game, that’s all,” she answers, but she’s feigning innocence and Dean can see right through her.

“Yeah? What’s the game?”

“That’s what we’re ‘bout to discuss, chief,” Benny says.

“We take a shot every time they kiss,” Jo suggests.

“No way!” Sam interjects. “You guys are underestimating how disgusting they are. We’ll all be fighting over stalls in the bathroom if you make that a rule.”

“They can’t be _that_ bad,” Kevin disagrees.

Charlie, Sam, and Jo all give Kevin amused looks.

“Take a _drink_ every time they start kissing and forget we’re here,” Charlie amends for Jo.

“Every time Dean blushes,” Sam adds, pointing his finger knowingly at Dean.

“Yeah, okay, I’ll play my own game of that when Gabe comes back over,” Dean says to Sam, getting another bitch face from him in response.

“And every time Dean and Castiel compliment one another,” Jo says, ignoring Dean’s previous comment.

“Whatever. You’re all a bunch of dicks,” Dean tells them, but he’s at least slightly amused by this. “Have fun getting hammered.”

“You ain't really that bad, are you brotha?” Benny asks him.

Dean grins, knowing they probably are. “I dunno, we’ve never been out with friends like this before. We gotta kinda rein it in around family, you know. But the last time we went out just me and him I guess you’d probably say we were pretty gross,” Dean admits, shrugging. “But I’m definitely not complaining.”

“I already called best woman at their big gay wedding,” Charlie butts in.

Dean shakes his head before taking another drink of his beer.

“Nope. You can’t talk marriage until you bone. You tap that yet?” Jo asks.

“Jesus,” Dean complains. “You seriously have no filter, you know that?”

“Ohhhh that sounds like a big no to me,” Sam laughs.

Dean gives Sam the finger but he doesn’t doesn’t say anything at first. He thinks to himself that he’s never been happier not having sex in his entire life, and he really couldn’t care less what his brother or his friends think about it.

Finally, with everybody still staring at him waiting for a response, he says, “You know I wouldn’t tell you even if we did, right?”

“Since when do you not talk to us about sex?” Jo asks incredulously.

And that’s fair. Whenever somebody broke up with him, he always used to get hammered with Jo and Charlie and they’d all tear the guy apart, Dean jumping in to bitch about whatever the guy was bad at in bed. But that’s not gonna happen with Cas.

“Since now,” Dean answers simply.

“Ho-ly shit!” Charlie gasps. “You’re totally head over heels, aren’t you?”

Dean feels his face heat up and tries to hide it behind his glass.

“DRINK!” Sam yells out.

And everybody knocks their glasses together and takes a drink while Dean tries to look like he isn’t freaking out over the question. Because he’s maybe been thinking a bit the last few days that he might actually be in love. He knows he’s either real damn close or he’s there already and just doesn’t know it, but he’s never loved anybody before outside of family so he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to know. Do you just _know?_ He’d finally settled on if that’s how it’s supposed to be, then he must not be there yet because he isn’t totally sure. He shakes his head, trying to get himself back in the game after being called out like that, and he suddenly has a terrifying thought.

“You’re not all gonna be like this when Cas gets here, are you?” Dean asks. “‘Cause he’s a little quiet at first, you know, and I don’t want you to freak him out.”

“We’ll behave,” Kevin assures him. “Right guys?”

“I’ll try,” Jo says reluctantly.

“You know I won’t,” Charlie smiles. She hadn’t last time, so he already knew she wouldn’t after a couple of drinks.

“You know I ain’t out to embarrass you. S’long as he’s good enough for you,” Benny replies, and Dean nods his agreement. Benny has a history of being a little bit too overprotective, but he’s sure Cas can win him over.

“I have _years_ of embarrassing you in front of somebody you like to make up for,” Sam says, looking a hell of a lot happier about this than he’s comfortable with.

Dean sighs. “Thank god for beer.”

“Castiel driving you home?” Kevin checks.

“Well they do live next door to each other,” Sam chuckles.

“Right, I don’t know how I forgot that. That’s how you met,” Kevin remembers. Dean smiles just thinking back at that first night. Cas answering the door with no shirt on and Claire screaming her fucking head off.

“No big deal. How’s work goin’, Kev?” Dean asks, more than ready to steer the subject away from him and Cas for the first time since everybody got there.

It works. Everybody starts either sharing stories about what’s recently happened to them at work or bitching about their bosses, and Dean finally really relaxes.

Like it always does with his friends, the time passes quickly, and before he knows it, he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket.

 

 **MOM:** Castiel seemed fine leaving this time! Even looked a little bit excited. He should be there any minute. Have fun!

 

“Cas is gonna be here in a minute. _Please_ be nice to him, guys. I’ll be back in a minute, I’m gonna go meet him at the door,” Dean tells them, pushing his way out of the booth.

“Awww,” Charlie and Jo coo at him. He downs the rest of his third beer standing and makes his way over to the door.

He doesn’t have to wait long. A few minutes later, he sees Castiel’s car pull into the parking lot and goes right out to meet him.

“Hey, hon,” Dean greets him. He flicks his eyes up and down his body, taking in his well-worn jeans and his blue button up shirt with several buttons undone at his neck. His eyes zero in on the hollow of his throat. He vividly imagines sliding his tongue over it the way he’s done so many times before and instantly knows he’s gonna be distracted by the sight all night long. “Damn, did you have to come here lookin’ so hot?”

Castiel’s lips quirk into a smile. “I could say the same to you. I love when you wear flannel. It’s so cozy to snuggle into.”

Dean smiles softly before he leans in to brush their lips together.

“Mmm you smell good,” Castiel comments, kissing him again, teasing his lips with the tip of his tongue.

Dean groans needily. “Let’s bail on my friends and go back to my place,” Dean offers between kisses and Castiel laughs the way he wanted him to.

“As tempting as that is, I do want to meet your friends,” Castiel says, reaching down to take Dean’s hand and leading them towards the bar.

“They’ve uh, kinda been teasing me about you all night. They have a drinking game going on so they all take drinks when we’re being cute or whatever. Just as a warning.”

“Okay,” Castiel answers, dragging the word out.

“If you feel uncomfortable or awkward or need a minute away from everybody just let me know and we can go get a drink at the bar or something, okay? They’re not gonna be mean to you or anything, but they can be a bit overwhelming,” Dean explains.

“I’m sure I’ll be fine, but I’ll let you know. Thank you.”

“Shit, I’m kinda nervous,” Dean realizes suddenly.

“Huh. You being nervous is making me _more_ nervous.”

“Ain’t that just peachy,” Dean says sarcastically. “We need to get you a drink.”

“No, no drinking when I’m driving. I will take a soda though,” Castiel says as they walk into the bar.

“Gabe!” Dean calls across the groom. “Need a root beer!”

Gabriel sticks his tongue out at him and Dean figures that’s as good as a yes.

“That was charming,” Castiel says sarcastically.

“Only the best for you babe,” Dean teases back, feeling more like himself already.

He walks Cas over to their booth and gestures for Cas to slide in next to Charlie. Once they’re both seated Dean says, “So, this is everybody. That’s Kevin on the end, Benny’s the big guy with the hat, and you’ve seen Jo spying on us but never actually met her, so that’s her.”

“Hi,” Castiel says, smiling shyly to the table at large.

“Who is this guy again?” Jo asks, smirking.

Kevin laughs before he joins in. “Yeah! I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned him before.”

“Ha ha,” Dean says dryly.

“It’s only funny because he never shuts up about you,” Charlie explains to Castiel.

“ _You_ shut up,” Dean says to Charlie.

“It’s nice to see you again,” Castiel says to her, ignoring Dean.

Charlie beams at him. “Missed me, did ya?”

Castiel laughs nervously. “I enjoyed your company last time, yes. Your tips about winning Dean and his family over came in very handy.”

“Woah woah, what’d you tell him about me?” Sam asks.

“That you’re a giant moose who can clear a room after you eat pretty much anything, so to keep his distance after meals,” Dean says, getting a round of knowing laughter from the table.

“Then she ain’t wrong,” Benny agrees with a nod.

“Got a root beer for freckles,” Gabriel says, approaching their table. Then he stops short. “Hey, who’s the new guy?”

“This is Castiel,” Dean introduces him. “And the drink’s for him.”

“Well, shit. Good thing I didn’t spit in it this time,” he says seriously, and Castiel blanches beside him.

“He’s kidding,” Dean reassures Cas, passing the root beer over to him and covering his hand with his.

He looks back at Gabe in time to see his eyebrows shoot up. “Well, well, well. You guys have been coming here for years and I’ve never seen you bring a date. You put a ring on that without telling me, Dean-o?” Gabriel asks, looking at Castiel’s hand obviously.

Dean chuckles quietly, but he can feel the way his face betrays him and turns a little red. “You’ll be the first to know when it happens,” he lies, then flushes further when he hears how that came out. Like he’s been thinking about it or something...

“DRINK!” Sam calls out, and Dean winces  as his train of thought is interrupted. Castiel turns his hand palm up under his, and Dean feels better almost instantly when their fingers lace together. Cas isn’t gonna make a thing about this. It’s no big deal.

“What was the drink for?” Castiel asks curiously.

“Dean blushing,” Kevin answers.

This time it’s Castiel who laughs lightly. “I hope you guys are heavy drinkers, then. Dean blushes all the time.”

Dean rolls his eyes and notices Gabriel still standing there. He looks up at him questioningly, wondering what he’s still doing here.

“I can put your name in the karaoke pool, right, Castiel?” Gabriel asks.

“Oh. I’m not much of a singer, I don’t think anybody wants to hear that,” Castiel answers.

“Hell yeah, you can put his name in,” Dean disagrees, grinning at the look of shock on Castiel’s face. “Everybody at the table puts their name in, Cas. It’s the rules.”

“True story. Jo sounds like a pterodactyl in heat when she sings and she still does it if her name gets called,” Charlie replies, earning herself an elbow from Jo.

“I see. Well, how about I go sit over there, then?” Castiel teases, gesturing to the bar.

“Can’t hold your hand if you’re all the way over there,” Dean says, squeezing it gently.

Castiel shoots him a fond look before he glances back up at Gabriel. “Is there a list of songs I can choose from if I get chosen to sing?”

Gabriel laughs and claps his hand down on Dean’s shoulder. “I’ll let Dean bat his eyelashes at you while he explains the best part. Another round of drinks? Dean’s dry over here.”

“Yeah, I’ll get this one,” Benny tells him, and Gabriel takes off.

“What’s the best part?” Castiel asks Dean.

“You don’t get to choose your song. It gets drawn at the same time as your name.”

“But what if I don’t know the song?” Castiel asks, obviously horrified by the thought.

“Then you wing it,” Sam says. “But honestly, everybody picks songs that are pretty popular. And if you have to, you can get somebody to sing with you.”

“Pretty sure all you’d have to do is aim a single pout in my bff’s direction and he’d do anything you want him to,” Charlie adds.

“That’s true, actually. I don’t believe he’s been able to say no to me so far,” Castiel says, his lips quirking up into a small smile.

“Well, look at you. How could I say no to a face like that?” Dean says with a wink, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.

“DRINK!” Jo says, and Dean rolls his eyes.

“Because I complimented you,” he explains to Cas.

“Well ain’t that sweet,” Benny says with his voice sounding strangely off.

Dean snorts, slightly embarrassed. “I have my moments.”

“First time for everything, I guess. Never thought I’d see the day, brotha.” He raises his beer bottle to Dean, but there’s something about the tight smile and the tone of his voice that makes it come across loud and clear that he isn’t sincere.

“What’s up with you?” Dean asks him, slightly taken aback.

Benny looks right past Dean and straight into Castiel’s face. “Got him eatin’ outta the palm of your hand, don’t ya?”

Again, Dean can tell it’s said in bad taste, and this time Castiel seems to pick up on it too, and he drops his gaze to his glass of root beer. Dean lets go of his hand to weave his arm around him, his palm rubbing his lower back gently.

“I think they’re cute,” Charlie butts in, nudging Cas a little with her shoulder.

“Me, too. Stupidly cute,” Jo agrees, and Dean notices Kevin nodding along.

“Sure,” Benny agrees. “But when’d you ever see Dean gettin’ on like this with somebody? It ain’t like him.”

“Yeah, I think that’s kinda the point, Benny,” Sam says, grinning.

“They’re lobsters!” Charlie exclaims, holding her fingers like Phoebe does in _Friends_ and making most everybody laugh.

“It’s a Friends thing,” Dean explains to Cas, then he shoots Benny a look that he knows he can interpret as _back the fuck off_.

Gabriel comes back over with drinks for them, and Benny cricks his neck while Gabriel passes them out, as if he’s thinking about what to say. Dean gulps down half of the glass greedily, wanting it to ease some of the tension he fees building. “It ain’t nothing against you, Cas-tee-elle. I’ve just known Dean for a lotta years and I ain’t neva seen him like this before. I don’t want to see him gettin’ hurt.”

“Well, if that’s the problem, you have nothing to worry about because I’m not going to hurt him,” Castiel answers, now meeting his eyes steadily.

“He’s a good guy, Benny,” Sam tells him. “He’s been really good to Dean. Took care of him after he had that concussion and everything and they weren’t even dating yet.”

“Totes agree,” Charlie chimes in. “I screened him, _hard_ , and he passed my test with flying colors.”

“Here’s an idea,” Dean says, his voice coming out a little harder than he meant it to. “How about you just take my word for it and be nice to my boyfriend so I don’t have to punch you and end up getting my ass kicked tryin’ to stick up for him, alright?” Dean says to Benny, half joking, but knowing that Benny knows he’s half serious, too.

“Alright,” Benny drawls slowly, but he shoots Cas a skeptical look that lets them all know he isn’t in his good books yet.

“That reminds me,” Dean says to the rest of the table, anxious to change the subject, “Me and Cas ran into Cole a few weeks ago.”

“Cole,” Jo says, obviously trying to place him. “Short guy with an inferiority complex?”

“Yes! Military dude, right?” Sam pitches in.

“Oh, I remember you telling me about that guy! He was a douche canoe, wasn’t he?” Charlie asks.

“Yeah, that hasn’t changed,” Dean snorts.

“Dean tried to beat him up, too,” Castiel offers, glancing quickly at Benny.

“Ya hothead,” Charlie laughs. “What’d he do?”

“Runnin’ his mouth about the usual shit. Said for me to give him Cas’s number so he could call him when he was done with me,” Dean says, feeling anger running through his body again just thinking about it.

“Nowhere near that nicely though,” Castiel adds.

“You _should’ve_ punched him then,” Kevin says.

“I would’ve, believe me, but Claire and Bentley were there.”

Charlie snorts. “Imagine getting kicked out of a McDonald’s for fighting. That’d make the front page around here. I’d have to frame it.”

“Well, we were asked to leave for something else,” Dean laughs, grinning at Cas.

“Ew! Were you - _at McDonald’s_?” Sam asks, his face clearly showing his disgust at the idea.

“Oh my god, _no_ , you idiot. I just said the kids were there!”

“Like you never get it on with the kid in the next room,” Dean hears Charlie whisper to Cas, which makes him laugh and blush a little.

“What happened then?” Sam asks.

“Nothing. We were just going down the slide and some old broad came in and told us the play room was for kids only,” Dean tells them.

“There _is_ a big sign in the room saying it’s for kids 16 and under,” Sam points out, which makes Dean wonder briefly how he got stuck with a brother _and_ a boyfriend who are both total losers.

“I tried to tell him it wasn’t allowed but he wouldn’t listen to me,” Castiel replies.

Benny laughs this time. “Yeah, Dean always did have a bit of a thing for breakin’ the rules.”

“Oh really?” Castiel asks him.

“He ever tell you about the time he got arrested?” Benny asks Cas.

“What? No! What did you get arrested for?” Castiel asks quickly.

“Blow me, Benny. They didn’t even cuff us,” Dean says, looking at Jo for backup.

“Yeah! It totally doesn’t count!” Jo agrees.

“Were you there, too?” Castiel asks Jo.

“Yep. I think I was twelve, so you had to have been fourteen?” Jo asks Dean, and Dean nods along. “We were chasing a toad. Totally innocent. Dean bet me that I wouldn’t touch it, and I said I’d touch it if he could catch it, so we were chasing it and apparently we went on private property.”

“I finally caught the stupid thing and then I see the lights flashing behind me. I almost pissed myself when I turned around and saw the two cops standing there,” Dean admits, laughing at the memory.

“Still was nothing compared to the look my mom gave us when we got outta the back of the cop car, though,” Jo adds.

“Then I thought I was really gonna piss myself,” Dean says honestly, getting a laugh from everybody.

“I didn’t know you were such a rebel,” Castiel teases. “Riding in the back of cop cars.”

“Mmmhmm, I’m all kinds of trouble,” Dean replies, pitching his voice purposely lower before leaning over to kiss him on the temple.

Just then there’s a tapping on the microphone on stage and they all turn towards Gabriel.

“Alright, alright, keep your panties on. Except you, Sam,” Gabriel says, pointing in Sam’s direction.

Dean looks across the table to see Sam scowling but blushing. “Drink!” Dean says sarcastically, but chugs down the last half of his beer anyway.

“We’ve got a couple of new faces in here tonight, so let’s make sure we show them a good time, okie dokie? To start things off it looks like we have... Kendra Redemption - that name sounds promising! - singing... Oh, it’s a classic! _Don’t Stop Believing_ by Journey! Let’s go Kendra!”

Once Gabriel hands off the microphone to the woman, Dean holds up his empty glass of beer and Gabriel gives him a salute.

“How many’s that?” Sam asks him.

“What are you, my mom?”

“Four,” Charlie answers for him. “Five’s coming.”

“Are you purposely getting drunk?” Castiel asks Dean.

Dean leans over to whisper. “I dunno, Cas. Just having fun. You gonna worry about what I worried about last time we were out?”

Castiel blushes and turns to whisper back, “No, I know you wouldn’t mind me taking advantage of you.”

Dean feels a lick of desire run through his body and turns his head so he can capture Castiel’s lips in a quick kiss. “You got that right. Guess I’ll keep drinking, then.” He scoots closer to Cas and lays his head against his shoulder for a quick second.

“Oh no, I forgot how snuggly drunk Dean is,” Jo groans from the end of the booth.

“Pfft, am not,” Dean disagrees, sitting up straighter.

There’s a general smattering of people agreeing with Jo.

“But you’re always like this,” Castiel says to Dean, his eyebrows pinched together.

“Giant teddy bear inside,” Charlie stage whispers.

Gabriel saunters over with another beer for Dean and a refill of soda for Castiel. A few more people get called up for karaoke, including Charlie, and while everybody watches, a sense of calm seems to settle over the table. Benny acting like an overprotective jerk is all but forgotten (on Dean’s end anyway) as the beer keeps flowing and Dean starts whispering suggestions for later into Cas’s ear as they come to him.

Gabriel’s voice booms over the microphone not long after, saying, “Oh ho! Beginner’s luck! Looks like Castiel is up next!”

Castiel groans in his seat.

“Want me to come with you?” Dean offers quickly.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll let you know if I don’t know the song,” Castiel says, and Dean slides out of the booth, letting Castiel get out. Then he gives his butt a little smack as he walks by, which earns him a glare over Castiel’s shoulder.

“This is one of those new faces I was talking about earlier, so make sure to take it easy on him!” Dean watches Cas walk up to the stage and even give a little wave to the crowd. He looks _good_ under those lights. “He’s singing...  _Uptown Funk_ by Bruno Mars! Good one! Take it away, Castiel!”

Dean can’t help but grin when Castiel takes the microphone, looking like a deer caught in headlights, as the music starts up.

“Do you think he’s gonna do it?” Charlie asks.

Dean shrugs his shoulder. “No idea.”

“He kinda looks like he’s gonna yack,” Sam says.

“Nah. A little nervous, but I don’t think he’s gonna hurl,” Dean disagrees.

Then the music starts, and Dean’s smile spreads as Castiel starts singing the words, staying on the beat and mostly on key.

 _This hit, that ice cold_  
_Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold_  
_This one for them hood girls_  
_Them good girls straight masterpieces_

Dean actually laughs at that. Hearing Cas say stuff like that is hilarious. Castiel’s eyes dart over to him and he smiles shyly as he keeps going.

“He’s doing so good!” Charlie gushes.

“He’s not about to win American Idol or anything, but he’s not embarrassing himself,” Sam agrees.

“He looks damn good up there,” Dean comments, unable to take his eyes off of him.

 _Stylin', wilin', livin' it up in the city_  
_Got Chucks on with Saint Laurent_  
_Gotta kiss myself, I'm so pretty_

Dean whoops loudly, making Castiel grin at him from the stage and everybody at the table laugh. 

“ _I'm too hot_ ,” Castiel sings.

“Hot damn!” Charlie yells from the table.

Castiel is smiling when he keeps going, “ _Call the po-lice and the fireman. I'm too hot_.” Castiel lifts his hand to his ear, and everybody at the table calls out, “Hot damn!”

 _“Make a dragon wanna retire, man_  
_I'm too hot_ (hot damn!)  
_Say my name you know who I am_  
_I'm too hot_ (hot damn!)  
_And my band 'bout that money_ _  
Break it down…”_

As Castiel keeps singing with the whole bar doing backup for him, Dean can’t possibly look away. He’s being silly, the way he only is every now and then, and Dean’s smiling so big his face hurts. It’s nearing the end of the song when Castiel sings,

“ _Come on, dance_ _  
_ _Jump on it.”_

He points right at Dean when he says, “ _If you sexy then flaunt it,_ ” then keeps staring at him and adds a wink after he says, “ _If you freaky then own it. Don’t brag about it, come show me_ ,” and his whole table takes a drink as Dean flushes right to the tips of his ears.

When the song ends, the whole bar is clapping for him and Castiel exaggerates a big bow, laughing and smiling the way Dean loves the most: with his nose crinkling and his face tipped down shyly, and his cheeks tinged pink from his blush. And then he looks up and meets Dean’s eyes as he hops off the stage and it’s like everything else disappears. He could swear time stops as the sounds inside the crowded bar fade away and it hits Dean like a bolt of lightning: He’s in love with Castiel. He can feel it fill him up inside, making him feel light and floaty, and he can’t stop staring at Cas.

_He loves Castiel._

He’s in love for the first time in his entire life, and he doesn’t know what the hell he’s supposed to do with that right now with the reality of his feelings (or is it the beer?) making his head spin as Cas walks right over to him.

Cas is met with a chorus of praise from his friends as he reaches their table and Cas is still blushing when the next person gets called up. With everybody else focusing back on the stage, Castiel turns to Dean.

“I guess I don’t have to go sit at the bar anymore,” he says.

“Nope. Not like I’d let you go over there alone after that anyway.” Cas tilts his head in confusion and Dean explains, “You’d be beating people away with a stick after you were so hot up there.”

“I doubt that very much,” Castiel laughs.

“You shouldn’t. Couldn’t take my eyes off of ya even if I wanted to.”

“DRINK!” Charlie shouts.

Castiel leans over to brush his lips against Dean’s. “You’re very sweet.”

“Come ‘ere, I’m not done with you yet,” Dean says, cupping a hand around the back of his neck and pulling him in to kiss him again. He just wants to be close to him right now. It starts off innocently enough, tasting each other’s lips gently, but he’s still dealing with all these new feelings inside of him, and all he can think about is he wants more of this. More of Cas. So he takes it. He runs his tongue along the seam of Castiel’s lips, and when Castiel opens to him somewhat tentatively, he slips his tongue into his mouth and takes what he needs.

Vaguely, he can hear his friends talking around him, teasing him about tonsil hockey, but he pushes it all away and focuses on Cas. On how Cas makes him feel. Bizarrely, he thinks about _How The Grinch Stole Christmas_ and how the Grinch’s heart grew three sizes that day, and imagines that’s how his heart would look through his chest right now. Growing and growing, swelling with every brush of Castiel’s tongue against his, and every thought reverberates _I love him, I love him, I love him_ throughout his body.

He would be perfectly content to sit here and kiss Castiel like this all night. He doesn’t want to let him go. He has zero intentions of ending this kiss anytime soon, but when Cas starts pulling away bit by bit, he lets him, knowing this isn’t the place or time for this kind of kiss. He’s mildly aware that his friends are talking about him, but all he notices is how his hands somehow found their way to Castiel’s face and how he’s pushing his hair out of his face tenderly without even meaning to, but loving the intimacy of the gesture anyway.

“Everything okay, sweetheart?” Castiel asks quietly.

The rare endearment, and the way Cas is looking at him - the same way he was looking at him at McDonald’s that time when he was with Claire, like Dean’s everything to him - makes his heart get stuck in his throat and all he can do is nod as he swallows thickly and finally lets his hands drop from Cas’s face. “Sorry,” he whispers, ducking his head, suddenly feeling ridiculously vulnerable and exposed knowing that everybody’s probably staring at them.

Castiel tips his chin back up with his fingers and waits for Dean’s eyes to meet his. “You don’t need to apologize for being like that with me. Ever,” he adds with a soft smile. “While you were making my knees weak though, it looks like some shots were delivered,” Castiel says, gesturing to the shots in front of them both and bringing Dean back to reality.

“Who bought these?” Dean asks to the table.

“While you were busy sticking your tongue down Castiel’s throat, Gabriel brought these over saying that they were on the house for Castiel’s first ever performance,” Charlie tells him.

“No shit? Told you you were awesome,” Dean grins at Cas.

“You did,” Castiel nods. “Here, you can have mine.”

“Tryin’ to get him drunk, brotha?” Benny asks, smiling at Cas. Huh. Maybe Cas managed to win him over, too.

“Not purposely,” Castiel answers.

“Not like he’d need to, right Dean?” Jo laughs.

Dean shrugs, unashamed. “I’d go blow him in the bathroom if he asked me to.”

Castiel snorts beside him and he’s met with a mixture of disgust and laughter from his friends. He bounces his eyebrows before he downs his shots, one after another.

His friends go back and forth asking Castiel questions about himself and telling him funny and sometimes embarrassing stories about Dean. Castiel tells the story of how Dean dressed Claire wrong and let her make a mess with the paper towels the morning after they went out last time, and has the whole table laughing. Dean’s reminded about Claire saying Baby today and he babbles his way through that story and how adorable she is when she argues with him. He’s feelin’ pretty good at this point and knows he’s gushing over how adorable both Claire and Cas are more than usual, but he’s feeling way too damn good to care. Plus, Cas is gazing at him with hearts in his eyes, probably ‘cause he’s talking about Claire, and he’s kinda eating it up.

He pulls out his phone to show some pictures of her from the last week and is reminded too slowly about the last thing he screenshotted, but manages to scroll past that picture without Cas or Charlie seeing. He has his wits about him enough so that he holds his phone up showing the pictures instead of passing it around like he usually would. Charlie starts to say something about him guarding his phone but Dean cuts her off with a look and she changes the subject pretty smoothly.

Dean’s just finished his fifth beer and is thinking to himself they’d probably better get going soon when Gabriel calls his name.

“You guys are in luck tonight! It’s one of our fan favorites! He can sing like a canary and looks hot as hell while he does it. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Dean Winchester!”

His table erupts in applause and Dean groans goodnaturedly. “Fan favorite?” Castiel asks beside him.

“Just you wait,” Charlie answers.

Dean stumbles his way to the stage and Gabriel covers the mic and asks him, “You’re not so drunk that you’re gonna fall off the stage and break your pretty face, are ya?”

“Nah, I’m good,” he replies, waving to the crowd.

“Isn’t this cute!” Gabriel says into the microphone again. “Dean-o’s matching his boyfriend with a Bruno Mars song! Take it away, freckles!”

Dean looks over to the screen and sees _Just The Way You Are_ on it.

Little girly, but it could be worse.

He grabs the mic and starts singing.

_"Oh, her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they're not shining."_

He doesn’t even make it past that sentence without thinking about Cas and how stupidly blue his eyes are, and all of the she’s turn to he’s without another thought.

 _"His hair, his hair falls perfectly without him trying._  
_He's so beautiful and I'll tell him everyday._

 _Yeah, I know, I know when I compliment him he won't believe me._  
_And it's so, it's so sad to think that he don't see what I see._  
_But every time he asks me 'Do I look okay?'_  
_I'll say..._

 _When I see your face,_  
_There's not a thing that I would change._

 _'Cause you're amazing,_  
_Just the way you are._  
_And when you smile,_  
_The whole world stops and stares for a while."_

Dean couldn’t stop the smile he has in response to the adorably shy smile he gets from Castiel for this line even if he wanted to.

 _"'Cause you're amazing,_  
_Just the way you are._

_Yeah._

_His lips, his lips, I could kiss them all day if he'd let me."_

He doesn't miss how Charlie gives Cas an elbow and Cas turns to laugh at something she's said before he turns his attention back to him on stage.

 _"His laugh, his laugh he hates but I think it's so sexy._  
_He's so beautiful, and I'll tell him everyday._

 _Oh you know, you know, you know I'd never ask you to change_  
_If perfect's what you're searching for then just stay the same_  
_So don't even bother asking if you look okay, you know I'll say..."_

By the time the song finishes, he gets a standing ovation, and he’s surprised when he looks around for the first time since he started singing to see a few girls wiping at their faces.

Gabriel comes back on stage and says, “And that, ladies and gents, is how you serenade somebody Bruno Mars style. Well done my man. Now go kiss your boyfriend.”

Dean grins and jogs right over to Cas, pulling him up by his hands until he’s on his feet, and then kissing him passionately, barely noticing the wetness on Castiel’s cheeks. He tips him sideways into a dip, and the whole bar erupts in applause as Castiel starts laughing against his lips.

When they pull apart, Dean wipes his tears away for him before giving another wave and nod to the people cheering for them, and then he looks down at his friends. He pulls his wallet out of his back pocket, drops a couple of twenties on the table and says, “I’m takin’ this guy home. I’ll see you guys later.”

He pulls Cas by the hand towards the exit and he can just barely hear Cas sputtering, “It was nice to meet all of you!” because people are watching them leave, cat-calling them as they make their way out the door and into the parking lot.

“What has gotten into you?” Castiel asks him, clearly amused by his antics. “Is this what you’re always like when you’re drunk?”

“When I’m drunk on looooove,” Dean answers, laughing at his own joke and throwing his arm around Castiel’s hips.

Castiel laughs. “I think you let Bruno Mars go to your head, Dean.”

“Nuh uh,” Dean disagrees, shaking his head. “It’s all you, honeybee.”

“ _Honeybee?_ ” Castiel repeats, chuckling at him.

“Mmmhmmm. I said it. So what? Kiss me,” Dean says, grabbing him around the waist and pulling him in for a sloppy kiss in the middle of the parking lot.

Castiel indulges him but only for a second, and then he steers him around to the passenger side of the car and lets Dean in.

“You were cryin’,” Dean remembers belatedly.

Castiel exhales on a shaky laugh. “Yes, well, I didn’t know you could sing like that. Then you were singing very sweet things right to me, clearly meaning every one of them. I was… very touched.”

“Don’t like seein’ you cry,” Dean realizes. Castiel walks around to his side of the car and Dean tries to get comfortable on the old upholstery. “I hate this car, you know,” Dean tells him as Cas gets behind the wheel.

“Now the truth comes out,” Castiel replies, smiling.

“Gotta get you a cool car. Sexy one like Baby. This one makes me feel like I’m an old lady or something.”

“What’s sexier, Dean? Me or your car?” Castiel asks, grinning at him as he backs out of his parking lot.

“How ‘bout you on my car? All spread out for me on her hood. Yeah,” Dean admits, nodding to himself. “Yeah, that’s really fucking sexy, huh, Cas?” He can feel his body reacting to the images running through his head and can’t wait to get Cas home where he can act on them.

“That wasn’t exactly an answer to my question, but you did dodge fairly well for not having a clear head,” Castiel chuckles.

“C’mon, Cas. Weren’t you listenin’ to me singing for you? You’re perfect. I love everything about you. I love my Baby, yeah, but she ain’t got nothin’ on you. I’d pick you a thousand times. Over everything.” He grabs Cas’s hand and kisses the back of it before he holds it between both of his hands.

“You are being extremely affectionate tonight,” Castiel comments. “Even more than usual.”

“Yeah, well, if you had the night I had, you’d be actin’ the same way,” Dean grins, thinking about his epiphany.

“I don’t know what that means. I thought we did have the same night,” Castiel comments, clearly confused.

“Can’t tell you. It’s a secret,” Dean laughs.

“Hey! I thought you couldn’t stand hiding something from me,” Castiel reminds him.

“Got to, though.”

“Why is that exactly?” Castiel questions.

“‘Cause I’m drunk, that’s why!”

“Hmmm isn’t there a saying about that? A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts?”

“Fuck if I know, you’re the sexy librarian,” Dean smirks. “Just gotta trust me, man. I never did this before but I know I’m not s’posed to do it drunk.”

“How drunk _are_ you?” Castiel asks.

Dean makes a sound of contemplation, before settling on, “Solid seven outta ten. Not gonna hurl. But my tongue is a little loose.”

“It’s a good thing I can come up with a few things to do with that tongue of yours, then,” Castiel says suggestively.

“And I am up for all of ‘em. Literally,” Dean grins, pushing Castiel’s hand down on his semi-hard cock.

Castiel laughs and gives his dick a quick squeeze before he pulls his hand away. “That’s going to make saying goodnight to your mom slightly awkward.”

Dean looks down at his lap. “Yep, killed that pretty fast.”

“You’re welcome,” Castiel laughs.

They pull into the parking lot only a few minutes later, and Dean lets Cas steer him towards his apartment even though he’s perfectly fine to walk. Cas unlocks the door and they walk in to Dean’s mom watching TV.

“Hey, you’re awake this time!” Dean exclaims loudly.

Mary and Castiel both shush him and Dean frowns.

“Dean’s had a little bit too much to drink,” Castiel explains to Mary.

“I can see that,” Mary agrees, grinning. “Not a peep from Claire again tonight. She’s still out like a light.”

“Perfect. Thanks again so much for sitting with her,” Castiel says.

“Absolutely no trouble at all!”

“You’re the best, ma,” Dean says, walking over to pull her into a bone crushing hug.

“Okay, sweetie, let me breathe,” she laughs. She pats him on the cheek and then looks past him to Castiel and says, “You have fun with this.”

Castiel laughs. “Thank you again. Really.”

“I’ll see you two on Sunday,” she says, kissing Dean and then Castiel on the cheek before she leaves.

Dean’s still smiling at his mom’s back when Castiel’s hands come around his waist and he feels his lips right behind his ear. “Your mom just kissed me on the cheek,” Castiel says quietly to him.

“Guess I’m not the only one who loves you,” he answers, smiling at his mom being so sweet to his boyfriend.  

He feels Cas tense behind him for a split second, but it’s quickly forgotten when Castiel turns him around to kiss him passionately. “Dean,” Castiel answers against his lips, his voice breathy. “Let’s go brush our teeth and get all these clothes off of you,” Castiel suggests, nibbling gently on his bottom lip.

“Now you’re talkin’,” Dean says happily, following him to the bathroom, making sure to stay quiet as he can so he doesn’t wake Claire.

After their teeth are brushed, Castiel says, “I’ll give you a minute to get rid of some of that beer.”

Dean grins, and takes the chance to empty his bladder, humming happily to himself as he thinks about what a great night this has been so far. He finishes up and walks into the bedroom, then gets into his pajama pants and knocks all the stupid fucking pillows off of Cas’s bed before he gets in and waits for Cas to join him.

He’s tired, and still a little drunk, and the bed smells like Cas, which makes him feel all warm and safe, and as his eyes drift closed - just for a minute ‘til Cas comes back - he thinks again about how he knows this feeling in his chest is _love_ now and how freakin’ awesome that is. The next thing he knows, the lights are out, Cas is wrapped around him from behind, and he feels Cas’s fingers slide between his. Dean pulls his hand to his chest and kisses the back of his knuckles. He hears Castiel quietly say something that sounds a lot like, “You know I do too, right?” but he’s mostly sleeping and his head is still fuzzy. He just makes a sound of agreement in his throat and falls right back asleep with Castiel’s breath steady against the back of his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made this to go along with the chapter, I hope you like it <3 Any new thoughts on Ketch’s motives???  
>  
> 
>   
> 


	16. Chapter 16

Dean wakes Saturday morning to a grunt from Castiel and Claire’s voice calling for them from her crib. “Da! Daaaaa! Dee! Da!” over and over. Castiel stretches and plants a kiss to the back of his neck. Dean presses into it, wanting more even though he knows he can’t have it, and remembers with a rush how he’s in love for the first time in his life.

“You keep sleeping, I’ll get her,” Castiel offers, rolling away.

Okay, yeah, he _really_ loves him.

“No, I can get up,” Dean insists. He sits up and suddenly realizes his head is pounding. He lays back down with a groan of pain. “I’ll get up with her tomorrow,” he decides and Castiel huffs as he makes his way out the door, closing it behind him. Dean rolls into Cas’s spot, still warm from his body heat and smelling just like him, and falls back asleep almost instantly.

He’s woken up a second time by a bang on the door, and then Castiel’s voice chastising Claire in a hoarse whisper. “I _said_ no, Claire! You can see Dean after you go night-night.”

Then Dean hears Claire start crying, and he can tell just by the sound of it that it’s one of those crying fits where she’s fallen to the ground dramatically. His head is still fucking killing him, but when he hears her cry his name - a long, drawn-out, pathetic sounding, “Deeeee!” as Castiel obviously carries her away from the door - he’s up out of bed and making his way to her anyway.

When Claire sees him coming over Cas’s shoulder, she shrieks, “DEE!” and tries to climb right out of Cas’s arms to get to him. Dean rushes to take her from Cas, cradling her to his shoulder, smoothing down her hair and making shushing sounds until she starts to calm down. He feels her tears drip onto his bare skin and fleetingly hopes it’s only tears and not snot.

“I’m so sorry, Dean. I was getting her ready for her morning nap and she kept asking for you and going over to the bedroom over and over. I couldn’t get her to calm down,” Castiel explains.

“That’s okay. You miss me, buddy?” Dean asks her.

Impossibly, Claire grips him tighter, her breath hitching as she tries to stop crying. Dean kisses her on the top of her head before he starts rocking her back and forth, stroking her hair, mumbling reassurances that he’s here and not to worry. He’s not going anywhere. She calms down bit by bit, until he feels her now familiar body weight go slack in his arms, and he knows she fell asleep.

“Guess that explains that,” Dean says to Cas quietly. Castiel nods, but he isn’t looking at him and his mind seems to be somewhere else. “I’ll go put her down.”

He walks her into her room, hits her mobile, and lays her down in her crib before he covers her with her blanket. She rolls over onto her side, grabs onto her bunny to tuck it under her arm, and lets out a sad sounding sigh before she falls back asleep. Dean snorts quietly at how tough she must think her life is, and walks out of the room, shutting her door quietly behind him.

He goes to the bathroom, brushes his teeth, and is going into the bedroom to put a shirt on when he hears Cas come in behind him. Cas opens his hand to reveal a couple of painkillers and Dean takes them happily, knocking them back dry.

“Thanks,” Dean says.

“Sorry again that Claire woke you,” Castiel answers.

“It’s ten o’clock, time for me to get my lazy ass outta bed anyway.” He grabs a shirt and pulls it over his head. “Hey, you didn’t go out for breakfast without me, did you?”

“No, Claire was out of sorts this morning so I didn’t think there was much of a point bringing a screaming child to a restaurant.”

“Oh. She okay?” Dean asks.

“As far as I know.”

“Okay. Maybe we can go tomorrow, yeah?”

“Dean, if I ask you something will you answer me honestly?” Castiel says suddenly.

Dean exhales, not really liking the sounds of that. “Can I get some coffee first?”

Castiel nods and follows him to the kitchen while Dean makes himself a cup of coffee and a couple of pieces of toast. He’s barely even had a sip of his coffee when Castiel asks, “How often do you watch porn?”

Thankfully he had already swallowed his mouthful because he’s pretty sure he woulda spit it all over the place. “ _What?_ ”

“Please don’t make me ask you again,” Castiel says softly.

Dean runs his hand through his hair. “Shit, Cas. I dunno. Lately? Pretty much never. I couldn’t even use my hand for four weeks, remember? Probably less than five times total since I’ve known you,” Dean says, his face turning a little red at the admission. “Why?”

“Can I see your phone?”

Dean recoils, hurt and anger starting to work their way into him. “For what? To check my porn history!? ‘Cause I’m gonna have to go get my laptop for that.”

“Please don’t be mad at me,” Castiel says gently.

Dean drinks from his mug again and takes a deep breath, trying not to be. “Where’s this comin’ from all of the sudden?”

Castiel looks away. “Why does it matter? If you don’t have anything to hide from me, then show me your phone. Please, Dean.”

Dean’s jaw tightens. “This is how this is gonna work. You can go get my phone since I’m getting the feeling you’re not gonna believe I didn’t delete something if I go get it myself, but you don’t get the code to look through it until you tell me why you want to.” Castiel nods. “It’s probably still in my pocket from last night.”

“Thank you,” Castiel says quietly, and he gets up and walks into the bedroom with his shoulders slumped inwards and his head down.

What the fuck?

Dean hurriedly gulps down the rest of his coffee, shoving the toast into him as quickly as he can, when Castiel comes back and sets the phone on the table. He doesn’t say anything, so Dean keeps working on his toast, knowing he’ll explain when he’s ready.

“I got a text message from a number I don’t recognize implying that you’re not satisfied with me sexually, and that there’s proof of what you’re really into on your phone,” Castiel says, his voice so small Dean can barely make out the words.

The puzzle pieces slot together so quickly Dean doesn’t know whether he should laugh or punch something.

“That smarmy, slimy, smug son of a bitch,” Dean curses to himself.

Castiel’s eyebrows draw together in confusion. “I know you wouldn’t cheat on me, but I do want to see if there’s something else on there.”

“He thinks he’s so fucking smart. Listen, Cas. Remember when I got home from work yesterday and told you somethin’ happened that I’d tell you about today?” Castiel nods, looking confused. “I got an email at work. Pretty sure it was from Ketch, but the contact information was filled out with a bunch of fake information. I forwarded the email to my personal account. Lemme show you.” Dean types in his password, looking up at Cas. “Password is 1831, by the way. Your birthday and Claire’s,” he explains, somewhat satisfied by the way Castiel looks ashamed of himself. He opens up the email, turning his phone to Cas. Castiel reads it over and he can tell all of it is starting to make sense to him now, too.

“What does the link go to?” Castiel asks.

Dean reaches over to cover his hand. Even if he’s kinda pissed at him, he doesn’t know how he’s gonna take this and he wants to make it as easy for him as he can. “It’s… it’s a picture of you. From when you were with Ketch, I’m guessing. It’s uh, well, you’re naked, ass up, and I’m pretty sure it’s after sex since you’re all covered in - you know,” Dean says awkwardly.

“ _What?_ ” Castiel exclaims.

“I didn’t wanna see it, Cas. I wish I never did, believe me. I never wanna see you look like that. You - fuck - ” Dean says, feeling pissed off all over again. “You looked like you were bleeding, okay? I’ve never wanted to hurt someone more in my entire life than I did after I saw what he did to you. And I didn’t wanna save it or anything. It wasn’t like _that_ , you know? But I thought that we might be able to use it as evidence of how Ketch is harassing us.”

“I want to see the picture,” Castiel says, his voice icy cold.

“Hon, it’s - it’s not good. You don’t want to see it. It’s just going to -”

“Show me the picture, Dean!” Castiel insists.

“It’s in my camera roll,” he says with a sigh. “Didn’t want him to delete it and me not have proof that he sent it.” He watches Castiel’s face carefully as he opens the picture, and he sees many things flicker across his face in quick succession: shock, embarrassment, disgust, shame.

Castiel covers his face with his hands, and Dean is up out of his seat, pulling Castiel against his stomach almost exactly the same way he pulled Claire to his chest not so long ago.

“Dean, don’t,” Castiel gasps, trying to push him away. “You - you’re probably disgusted with me.”

“What? No, honey. That ain’t true at all.”

“God. I can’t believe I ever let him - let anybody treat me like that. Hurt me like that,” Castiel chokes out, wrapping his arms around Dean this time instead of pushing him away.

“He’s a piece of shit, Cas. How anybody could ever treat you like that when you’re so sweet, and kind, and good... it just ain’t right,” Dean tells him, pushing his fingers through Castiel’s hair as he tries to fight back his own rage and hurt at seeing Cas like this.

“I - I never gave him permission to take my picture. Ever. And I don’t remember ever letting him, you know, _do that_ all over me,” Castiel whispers.

“I don’t care about that, hon. Obviously I don’t wanna see you like that after you’ve been with somebody else, but it isn’t like that specifically is something to be ashamed of. It ain’t wrong to do that kinda thing with somebody you care about. Hell, you were married to the dude.” Castiel pushes himself out of Dean’s arms quickly. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I was married,” Castiel repeats. He pulls his chair closer to Dean’s and sits down, grabbing the phone again and opening the picture. Dean watches as Castiel’s eyes search the picture for something before his eyes go a little wide. He zooms in on his left hand and points at the picture in triumph. “But no wedding ring.”

Dean looks at him in confusion. “So? You didn’t have it on that day.”

“No. I never took it off.”

“Okay, so maybe this was from before you were married then,” Dean says.

Castiel shakes his head. “I never let him go all the way until after we were married.” Dean arches his eyebrows at that and Castiel sighs. “Spending my whole life in church did have some lingering effects. The point is, my ass wouldn’t have looked _like that_ if we didn’t have sex.”

Dean looks at the picture again, then looks at Castiel questioningly. “So what are you saying? This isn’t you?”

Castiel shakes his head. “I don’t think it is.”

“But it looks _just_ like you,” Dean says. “I haven’t seen your ass bent over for me like this, but I know your body when I see it. I mean, you’re thinner and paler and more angular, but that’s definitely your ass.”

Castiel shakes his head. “I don’t know what to tell you about my apparent ass double. But I’m almost entirely certain that isn’t me. I never took my ring off, Dean.”

Dean feels relief rush through him and come out in a shaky breath. “Thank god. You don’t know how much I hated seeing you like that. Before I went to pick up Claire I couldn’t get it outta my head. I hated thinking about anybody else getting off on you like that, and I hated seeing you looking so sore even more.”

“I thought you said it was nothing to be ashamed of?”

“It isn’t. I mean, TMI I guess, but it’s not like I’ve never done it. And I’m not ashamed of it, but I’m also pretty sure you wouldn’t want to see a picture of me like that, right?”

Castiel’s eyes flash with what Dean’s gotta assume is jealousy. “That’s an understatement.”

“That’s all I was tryin’ to say.” Castiel nods and takes a deep breath. “I guess there’s some good that came outta this, though. Now we know what Ketch is after.”

“He wants to break us up,” Castiel says, getting it.

“He’s gotta. He wouldn’t have tried to pit us against each other like this if he didn’t. Tried to set me up with that picture. Maybe he wanted me to get jealous or think badly of you. Maybe he thought I wouldn’t be able to handle seeing a picture of you like that. Then he upped the ante this morning by trying to make you think I didn’t want you and -”

“That I was doing a bad job of satisfying you sexually,” Castiel finishes for him. “Implying that you were going behind my back to get off better elsewhere.”

“Playing with something he’s gotta know you’re at least a little bit self conscious about, given what broke you guys up.”

“Except he doesn't know us as well as he thinks he does,” Castiel says, smiling now.

“He probably didn’t think I’d tell you about the picture.” Then he stops and looks at Cas. “If I didn’t tell you yesterday - if I had kept it from you like I wanted to at first - fuck. You might not’ve even believed me this morning. Or if you just looked through my phone without talking to me first and saw that. This might’ve actually worked.”

“But it didn’t. He probably never even considered that you’d be honest with me. He didn’t think that we would communicate the way we do, because he and I never did. He doesn’t know how patient you’ve been with me. That you’ve already proven to me that I can trust you enough to give you the benefit of the doubt before I jump to conclusions.”

“Well, you were obviously still pretty pissed,” Dean says, remembering how he spoke to him.

“I was afraid,” Castiel admits. “But I had hope, too. I waited for you to wake up. I didn’t come wake you up and kick you out of the apartment or try to steal your phone the way I might have a couple of weeks ago.”

Dean lets a small smile spread across his face. Cas didn’t jump to conclusions this time. That’s _huge_ , now that Cas put it like that. “You trust me,” Dean says quietly, his eyes misting over now that he realizes Cas really and truly let him all the way in. If he trusts him, and cares about him, maybe one day he could fall in love with Dean the way he’s fallen in love with him. The potential there doesn’t help his eyes dry up at all.

“And you - you saw that picture yesterday. You thought it was me, and still, you didn’t treat me any differently. You didn’t judge me, or take out your anger on me or Claire. You still picked up Claire and brought her home, even. And you were still so affectionate all night, and even if you passed out before we could do anything, you still wanted me,” Castiel seems to realize.

“‘Course I did. I always will,” he tells him. “And I didn’t pass out, by the way. I fell asleep.”

Castiel laughs. “Sure you did. You probably don’t even remember coming home.”

Dean frowns, thinking back. He remembers seeing his mom, but he doesn’t really remember what he said to her. He remembers going to their bedroom thinking that he was gonna get sucked off, but he doesn’t really remember falling asleep. “No, I do. I don’t remember specifics, but I know I saw my mom and that she was awake when we got here. And I remember brushing our teeth and thinking I was gonna get lucky,” he admits, grinning.

“You were. Then you went and ‘fell asleep’ on me,” Castiel says, using air quotes and making Dean laugh this time.

“That’s just bad manners, isn’t it?” Dean says, but he’s still smiling. He reaches out and runs his hand along Castiel’s knee. “Are we done fighting?”

“We weren’t fighting,” Castiel assures him.

“What are we gonna do about Ketch?”

Castiel shakes his head. “I’m not sure. All I know right now is that I don’t want to lose you. Especially after last night.”

“Last night?” Dean repeats in confusion. “You like me singin’ to you that much or somethin’?”

Castiel tilts his head to the side. “You don’t...  _oh_. Okay. That’s okay. I, um, did like you singing me,” he says quickly. “I didn’t even know you could sing! That was a big surprise.”

“Told you I play guitar. Gotta be able to sing the love songs in order for the whole wooing thing to work,” he jokes. “Though Bruno Mars isn’t usually my style. A little sappy, even for me.”

“You sang it beautifully, and you definitely wooed me.”

“Good to know. Did you have a good time? I probably wasn’t on my best behavior,” Dean confesses.

“You were very touchy-feely, but you know I don’t mind that as long as you don’t. Your friends might have something different to say about that the next time you see them, but nobody seemed genuinely bothered. I, um, was surprised when you kissed me in front of the entire bar, but it made me very happy.”

“ _You_ make me very happy.”

Castiel smiles and looks down at the table. “How’s your headache doing?”

“Pretty much gone now.”

“Are you up for a shower, or are you going to fall asleep on me again?” Castiel teases.

“You’re a bit of a jerk, you know that?”

“I think you’ve been a bad influence on me,” Castiel says, standing up and pulling Dean to his feet.

“Mmm how about you show me just how bad in the shower?” Dean suggests.

“I’d love to,” Castiel says, leaning in to kiss him softly and sucking on his bottom lip before he takes a step back. “Right after you put your dirty dishes away,” Castiel promises him, walking away and pulling his shirt up over his head as he goes. “Hurry up or I’m starting without you.” Dean can’t tear his eyes away from his muscular back until he disappears into the bathroom.

“You fucking tease,” Dean calls after him, hurrying to put his dishes away so he doesn’t miss out on the good stuff.

He races down the hallway after his boyfriend, thinking to himself that weekends are the best.

Until they’re not.

Claire wakes up from her nap a little later screaming bloody murder. She’s happy enough in either Cas’s or Dean’s arms, but they figure out pretty quick that she’ll start up again as soon as either of them puts her down. It’s not like her, but Dean figures even a kid’s allowed to have a bad day every now and then.

He offers to stay with Claire while Castiel goes to do groceries, and though Cas is reluctant to leave when Claire’s acting out, Dean assures him he can handle it, so Cas goes. Dean puts _Elmo the Musical_ on Netflix, and he and Claire chill out together on the recliner. His mind wanders a lot over Ketch and what they’re going to do about him now that they know he’s trying to break them up. He doesn’t feel like there’s anything he can do, but he hates feeling useless. They’re three episodes in when Claire shifts around and he notices how hot she is. He raises a hand to her forehead, and yeah, she’s definitely burning up.

“You’re feelin’ a little hot there, munchkin. Let’s go check your temperature and then we’ll come back to Elmo, okay?”

She doesn’t even complain, just lays her head on his chest, and that more than anything has him moving a little faster.

He pauses the show and carries her into her bedroom to get the ear thermometer. “Stay really still and if you’re a good girl you’re gonna hear a _beep_ ,” Dean says. “Ready?” He inserts it into her ear and says, “Listen! Listen for the beep.” She gives him a small smile when it goes off, and sure enough, she’s got a fever of 100.7 degrees.

“Yep. Fever. I'm starting to speak Claire real good, huh? Let’s get you some medicine so you feel all better, buddy.” He grabs the bottle of Infant Tylenol and reads the dosage on the bottle before getting the right dose and holding it up for her. She takes one look at it and buries her head in his chest.

“Oh, yeah. You don’t want this. This is a _treat_ ,” he says loudly, emphasizing the word treat. She pokes her head up and he shows her the bottle with the bubblegum picture on it. “See? It tastes like candy. Claire doesn’t like candy.”

 _Please_ , Claire signs. _Eat._

Dean smirks as he puts the dropper in her mouth and she sucks it down. Must taste good, because she signs _more_ , but Dean distracts her by bringing her back into the living room to let her watch more Elmo.

He keeps touching her head to check for her fever to go down, but a half an hour passes and she still isn’t any cooler. He thinks briefly about texting Cas, but there isn’t anything Cas can do that Dean can’t. So he does what him and his mom always did whenever he and Sam were sick.

“Want to go to Dean’s house for a minute? I have more treats for you.”

 _Please_ , Claire signs and Dean laughs. He so gets her.

He carries her over to his apartment and grabs a handful of freeze pops to bring back to Cas’s. He throws all of them but one in the freezer there and cuts the top open of a white one - less mess, he figures - and wraps it in a paper towel so it won’t be cold on her hands. They sit on the couch and Dean gives it to her. He shows her how to bite the top, and then he pushes it up for her after each bite. She signs for more again once she’s finished, and since he figures it can’t hurt, he gets her another one.

By the time she’s finished the second one, she’s slightly cooler, and when Dean checks her temperature again it’s down to 99.1. Much better. Cas comes home not long after.

“Want me to put those away and you can take over on snuggle duty? There’s only so much Elmo I can watch before I start thinking about all the ways I could kill the little guy,” he says to Cas.

Cas laughs and comes over to take Claire from him, and that’s when he sees the thermometer sitting out. His hand goes to Claire’s forehead immediately and he asks, “Did she have a fever?”

“We were three episodes in when I noticed she was feeling kinda hot. Checked her temperature and it was 100.7, so I gave her a dose of Baby Tylenol. It still didn’t go down, so I gave her a few freeze pops, and she cooled down after that.”

Castiel grabs the thermometer again and takes her temperature himself, and once he confirms that her fever has dropped, he gives him a thankful smile. “Thank you, Dean. You did everything exactly right. Now I think she just needs some cuddles with Daddy.” So he curls up in Dean’s seat and watches more Elmo with Claire. Dean makes them all ham sandwiches for lunch - Claire’s is just tiny bite sized pieces of ham and cheese - but it turns out she refuses anything but apple sauce. Castiel frowns but they both agree they shouldn’t try to force her to eat anything if she isn’t feeling up to it. She lays on the couch with her head in Castiel’s lap while Dean rubs her back and doesn't move a muscle until she’s ready for her afternoon nap.

She goes down easier this time, but Dean’s never really dealt with a sick kid before so he’s got some questions. He waits for Cas to relax on top of him on the couch, stroking his hair gently until he feels most of the stress seep out of his shoulders, and then he asks, “What do you think’s up with the fever, hon?”

“I couldn’t even begin to guess. Another ear infection, a cold, teething. I really don’t know,” Castiel says sadly.

Dean frowns, not liking the sounds of that. “Guess this is the sucky part of her not talking. She can’t tell us what’s wrong, you know?”

“I don’t know that a one year old would be able to anyway, but I know what you mean.” There’s a small silence before Cas starts talking again. “You were so good with her today, sweetheart. You did exactly what I would have done. I probably wouldn’t have given her the freeze pops, but I do suppose they might have helped,” Castiel relents.

“Mom always gave us freeze pops and popsicles when we were sick. Was just habit I guess. Think the fever’s gonna come back?”

Castiel shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know. I hope not, but I think it’s optimistic to think she’d only need one dose of medication and then she’d be completely fine. I’m already mentally preparing myself for very little sleep tonight.”

“We can take shifts if she’s up all night,” Dean offers. “You don’t have to do it all by yourself. I can help so you can get some rest.”

Castiel presses a kiss to his chest, on top of his t-shirt, and Dean smiles at the gesture. “I don’t know if I’d be able to sleep knowing she’s sick, but I appreciate the offer.”

They sit in a comfortable silence for a little while with the television still on in the background before Dean asks his next question. “Hey Cas? Do you think Ketch is gonna try something else to break us up?”

Castiel sighs. “It’s probably optimistic to think that he won’t.”

That’s what he thought, too. “What are we gonna do?”

“What can we do?” Castiel says, pushing himself up so he can sit. Dean misses the weight of him instantly, and rearranges himself so his legs drape across Castiel’s lap. “Even if we could prove that he sent the email and the text message, it’s not illegal to send photos of naked men to your ex-husband.”

“No, just fucking stupid. I hate that guy. I hate thinking that I just have to sit here and wait for him to make another move to try to get you back.”

Castiel takes his hand. “You don’t have anything to worry about.”

“I still hate it,” Dean says again.

“I could call him,” Castiel suggests.

“What? Why?” Dean asks quickly.

“To see what he wants. To let him know that we know it was him, and that he isn’t going to come between us.”

He hates the idea, but he isn’t the boss of Cas. God only knows what Ketch would say, and a thousand things could go wrong. Ketch could make Cas feel like shit about himself again, he could say something that reminds Cas not to move so quickly with Dean, say something to make Cas think that maybe he should give Ketch another chance, he could ask to see Claire. But he isn’t about to tell Cas how insecure the idea of him talking to his ex makes him feel, so he pushes it all down.

“Do you think that’s gonna help?” Dean asks.

“I honestly have no idea, but I feel like I would at least be doing something.”

Dean sighs again. “Okay. Call him, then.”

“Now?” Castiel asks.

Dean shrugs. “I dunno. If you want. Whenever.”

“Okay. I might as well do it now. I’ll put it on speaker so you can hear him, too,” he offers.

Dean tries (and fails) not to care that Cas still knows his ex-husband’s phone number off the top of his head when he starts dialing. His mind is already whirling, trying to come up with ways he can solve all of the potential things that could go wrong during this conversation as the phone rings. He can’t keep the scowl off of his face from the second the douchebag starts talking.

“Castiel, darling, I can’t say I’m surprised to hear from you today,” Ketch says jovially on the other end of the phone. Dean rolls his eyes so hard he worries they might actually fall out of his head.

“Hello, Arthur. How are you?” Castiel asks, shooting a nervous glance at Dean.

“Mmm I’m well, thank you. And you?”

“Quite honestly, everything would be great if you’d leave me alone,” Castiel says.

“Whatever do you mean, angel?”

Dean’s scowl deepens, shooting the phone a look of death, and Castiel joins in this time.

“Cut the crap, Arthur.” Dean feels his heart swell hearing him stand up to this douchebag. “I know you went to meet my boyfriend at his gym and used him to get close to Claire, and you know we saw you on your motorcycle a few weeks ago driving by. And even though you tried to hide behind anonymity, it’s fairly obvious the messages Dean and I got in the last few days came from you, too. What the hell are you trying to accomplish?”

“Temper, temper,” Ketch laughs. “Is that working-class man of yours being that bad of an influence on you already?” Dean stiffens at the insult, but Castiel rests a hand on his knee to calm him.

“Why do you even _care?_ ” Castiel asks, clearly exasperated.

“Let me take you out for dinner to discuss this, Castiel,” Ketch answers. “I’m sure you haven’t been out anywhere without paper napkins in, oh, six weeks or so.”

Dean’s hands tighten into fists. What a fucking prick.

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” Castiel replies curtly.

“Not even for old time’s sake? We did have some good times, you know. Surely that photo jogged your memory?”

Rage pumps through Dean’s body. His jaw is clenched tight in a colossal effort to keep his mouth shut and his nails dig into his palms as he thinks again how much he’d love to punch this fucker straight in the face.

“We both know that wasn’t me.” Ketch doesn’t respond. “It really shouldn’t be a surprise to you that when I think back on our marriage, good things aren’t exactly what comes to mind,” Castiel says, an edge to his voice this time. “And you know I have a boyfriend.”

Ketch laughs again. “Surely you can’t be serious about somebody like him? All you have to do is ask anyone in town about him and I dare say you’ll discover rather quickly that you’re just one of his many conquests, angel.”

“I fail to see how that’s any of your business. You and I are divorced. We haven’t even spoken in more than a year.”

“Mmm, yes. Well, I thought you might need some time to come around. But if you’re ready to move on then we have some things to discuss, it would seem. The way you behave still reflects on me after all, and I don’t appreciate my name being dragged through the mud while you bend over for every piece of trash who looks at you.”

How fucking _dare he_ talk to Castiel like this? He can say shit about Dean all he wants. Trash is far from the worst thing he’s been called, but to talk about Cas of all people like he’s some kind of slut who has sex with anybody when that’s the furthest thing from the actual truth makes him want to smash the phone into a million pieces just so Cas doesn’t have to hear another lie out of this douche’s mouth.

“But it reflected well on you when you fucked anybody who was willing while we were married?” Castiel asks, laughing at the audacity.

“No need to be jealous, darling. You know I only ever really cared about you.”

“Well you had a funny way of showing it,” Castiel replies with a snort.

“I did, I know. I realize I’ve made some mistakes, Castiel, but it’s nothing we can’t move past, I’m sure.”

This guy has some fucking nerve.

“I don’t think you’re hearing me. I’m not interested in you. I don’t love you, I don’t want to have sex with you, and I have no interest in seeing you ever again. I’m with Dean now,” Castiel repeats.

“Ah, yes, Dean Winchester.” There’s a hard edge to his voice when he spits Dean’s name, and it kinda freaks him out a little hearing the way it changed so quickly. “Wearer of plaid, mediocre personal trainer at best, and the owner of a car with more class than his entire family.” Castiel flinches as Ketch’s words sink in and grabs Dean’s hand. Dammit, this fucking guy looked into his family?! “But I do suppose those lips of his have their benefits, don’t they? He was eager enough to prove that to me when we met.”

Castiel grips Dean’s hand painfully hard now, and Dean knows he’s doing it to keep him quiet. “Nice try, but Dean’s not like you, Arthur. He and the receptionist already told me how many times you came on to him and just how many times he shot you down,” Castiel says, laughing slightly. “And for the record, Dean Winchester is ten times the man you’ll ever be.”

There’s a second or two of silence before Ketch’s voice comes out hard as nails, saying, “I suppose we’ll see about that, won’t we, angel?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Castiel asks angrily, but the call cuts off on Arthur’s end and he’s left with beeping filling the air, telling him the call has been disconnected.

“That went well,” Dean says sarcastically, slumping back against the couch and crossing his arms across his chest.

It went pretty much exactly the way he thought it would. There’s no way Cas isn’t rethinking what they are to each other after hearing Ketch point out what a loser he is, how he has a shit reputation, and how he’s never even taken Cas out on a nice date in more than a month and a half. So yeah, he’s pouting, but he thinks he’s entitled to after the day he’s had so far. This is just the icing on the fucking cake.

“That was a complete waste of time,” Castiel agrees.

“I _hate_ that guy. And why the fuck did he keep calling you angel?”

“I’m named after an angel,” Castiel explains. “He always called me that, though it honestly gives me the creeps hearing it now.”

“Yeah, well, it should. It’s a stupid, lame pet name and he shouldn’t get to call you that anymore anyway.” Dean’s fully aware that honey isn’t any better and that he probably would’ve called Cas angel himself if he knew about his name, but he isn’t going to admit that and he knows Cas isn’t going to say anything about it.

“You have no reason to be jealous, Dean,” Castiel promises him.

“I’m not jealous,” he lies, knowing Cas can see right through it.

“I would feel the same way if I had to listen to one of your ex-lovers talk to you like that and try to get you back. But you know there’s absolutely no chance of that ever happening, right?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Dean answers grumpily.

“Do I have to pull out the pictures again? Show you how happy you make me?” Castiel says, half joking.

Dean exhales loudly. “No. I know, Cas. This ain’t about you. I just… I really fucking -”

“Hate that guy,” Castiel finishes for him, making Dean’s lips quirk into a half smile. “I didn’t like the way he said he would see who’s the better man between you,” Castiel confesses. “It makes me nervous thinking he might try something to hurt you.”

Dean scoffs. “Please, I’m not worried about that fuckin’ suit. Unless he tries to use his ginormous watermelon head to knock me unconscious or somethin’, I’m pretty sure I can take him.”

“He had to have his motorcycle helmet specially made, you know,” Castiel chuckles, nudging him with his shoulder.

Dean snickers. “That doesn’t surprise me.”

“Too bad he didn’t have the same problem with his _other_ head,” Castiel says, grinning at Dean.

Dean raises his eyebrows, amused despite himself. Maybe he’s immature, but hearing Cas badmouth Ketch makes him feel a hell of a lot better. “Seriously gonna go there, Cas?”

“It’s true. You’re so much bigger,” Castiel says, still smiling, but blushing a little bit now as he runs a hand under Dean’s t-shirt, up his chest, and brushes his fingers over his nipples. Dean’s breath hitches even as he tries not to get too distracted.

“Now you’re just tryin’ to sweet talk me.”

“Is it working?” Castiel asks, straddling his hips and leaning forwards to lick and suck at his neck.

“Oh hell yeah,” Dean answers on a groan, giving in and sliding his hands around to cup Castiel’s ass in his hands. Maybe he can’t solve all of their problems right now, and maybe he has no idea what he can do to get Ketch to leave them the fuck alone for good. But one thing he knows for sure is that they _can_ make each other feel really damn good if he just gives into the urges Cas’s mouth is currently coaxing out of him, and he can’t think of a single reason not to let them have a few minutes of feeling good after what they just went through.

“I would’ve been insulted if you said no,” Castiel teases, making Dean laugh breathily as his hands start moving down his stomach and to the quickly growing bulge in Dean’s pants.

“Mmmm twice in one day? It’s not even my birthday,” Dean comments happily as Castiel rubs him through his sweatpants.

“I just really want to wipe that pout off of your face,” Castiel grins.

“Must be the lips, huh?” he says sarcastically.

Castiel laughs, sliding off of Dean’s lap onto the ground between his feet, and urges Dean to lift his hips so he can pull down his sweats. “Want me to pretend not to like them?”

“Hell no,” Dean answers quickly. “You can like my lips. But they’re just for you. I kinda like feeling them stretch around you when I suck you off.”

“Shit,” Castiel groans. “Well in that case...” Then he stands and pulls off his jeans and boxers. Dean’s surprised to see him already mostly hard considering he hasn’t even touched him yet. “Lie down,” Castiel tells him.

Dean complies without another thought, and he can’t help his needy whimper when Cas maneuvers himself into a sixty-nine position on top of him and suddenly he’s got a face full of Cas’s cock.

“Jesus Christ you’re hot,” Dean gasps, taking him in his hand and tonguing at his cockhead.

Castiel moans and says, “Better make it quick. Don’t know how long we have.”

“I don’t think that’s gonna be a problem.”

He’s always gotten off on giving his partner pleasure. Since he’s been with Cas and his feelings have evolved, it’s been even better. So the combination of getting Cas off while he has his dick sucked is definitely going to make things happen... quickly.

He runs his hand between Cas’s legs to rub and tug on his testicles gently, knowing how much Cas loves that. He circles the tip of his cock with his tongue, swiping across his slit every now and then just to keep him guessing. Cas seems to be following his lead, mimicking what he’s doing, and it’s damn erotic when he finally wraps his lips around the head of Cas’s cock and feels his own cock surrounded by the wet heat of Cas’s mouth at the same time.

He presses his tongue to the underside of Cas’s cock, lavishing over the ridge there and groaning when Cas’s tongue copies him. He can’t resist taking him in as far as he can after that, revelling in the weight of the heavy cock sliding along his tongue, groaning when Cas sinks down on him too.

Cas’s hips start moving with him as he sets a fast rhythm of sinking down and sucking hard as he pulls back up, so Dean does the same to Cas, thrusting gently up into his mouth. Fuck, Cas is perfect. Taking every inch of him, his mouth so nice and tight around him. All he can hear is wet slurping sounds and the two of them moaning around each other’s cocks as they’re driven closer and closer to the edge.

Dean wants Cas to feel as good as possible, so he gathers some of the saliva sliding down his shaft with the tip of his finger and runs it along his perineum. Cas does the same to him and Dean moans long and loud, loving the way that feels. He knows he’s nowhere near wet enough to push inside of Cas, and he doesn’t even know if Cas wants him to, but he slowly moves his finger back further and circles his sensitive rim, taking Cas’s cock into his mouth as far as he can and just barely brushing his finger across Cas’s hole.

Cas locks up instantly and Dean feels him spill into his mouth. He’s taken by surprise so he chokes a little at first, but since they already came that morning, there isn’t much and he’s able to swallow it down easily once he knows it’s coming.

Cas didn’t move his finger to Dean’s hole like he did and his mouth’s gone slack now that he came, so Dean fucks up into his mouth faster, beginning to chase his orgasm after his head presses into the soft, spongy roof of Castiel’s mouth.

Castiel seems to come back to himself several seconds later. He slips his softening cock out of Dean’s mouth and his hand runs down to cup Dean’s ass cheek in his palm, urging him to keep going. Dean closes his eyes, focusing entirely on how good it feels when Castiel applies suction again and again. Castiel starts flicking his tongue across the tip of his cock quickly, but still somehow tantalizingly soft, and Dean whimpers as he feels his orgasm start building inside of him. He’s heating up, his body is tensing, and his fingers dig into Cas’s muscular thighs as he starts to lose it. His hips stutter as he feels everything boil over inside of him all at once and he comes hard into Castiel’s waiting mouth with a silent scream of pleasure.

He can feel Castiel’s mouth and throat working to swallow down his release as he pumps into him, and he groans at the sensation of Cas sucking him dry eagerly. He falls out of Castiel’s mouth once he’s spent, and Cas turns himself around quickly before he collapses on top of Dean on the couch. Their soft cocks are nestled together intimately, Dean’s still reeling from his orgasm, and he presses soft kisses against Cas’s temple as he brings his arms up to circle around his waist. It isn’t until right now that he realizes they didn’t even get their shirts off.

“Damn, Cas,” Dean breathes happily.

Castiel grunts his agreement, nuzzled into the curve of Dean’s neck, and Dean laughs a little. God, he loves him. Their breathing starts to slow, Dean’s eyelids droop closed, and as he feels Cas drop out of consciousness, he follows his lead and lets himself nap while he can.

Dean wakes up slowly to the sound of Claire whining down the hall. Cas is still totally out of it on top of him, and he gives him a nudge to wake him up. “Cas, Claire’s up, honey,” he tells him.

“Wha- Claire!” Castiel seems to realize, fully waking up and getting to his feet to step into Dean’s sweatpants.

“Hey! Those’re mine!” Dean calls after him.

“Better go get some more before Claire sees you naked,” Castiel smiles evilly and Dean grumbles as he hurries into the bedroom to find another pair of pants.

He walks back out of the bedroom to see Castiel holding Claire in the hallway, obviously waiting for him.

“Hey, blondie,” Dean smiles at her. “She looks better than she did before,” Dean says to Cas.

“She does.”

 _Eat_ , Claire signs.

“Ah ha! The one true sign Claire is feeling like herself. Wanna get a snack, munchkin?” Dean asks Claire.

Claire reaches across the space between him and Cas, and Dean takes her into the kitchen and opens the cupboard with the baby snacks in it. Claire shakes her head and wiggles in his arms, letting him know she wants down. Once her feet hit the floor, she pads over to the fridge and tugs on the handle. She can’t get it open on her own, so Dean helps her out. She squats down, pulls open the bottom drawer and comes up with an apple.

She holds it up to him like it’s a prize.

“Apple,” Dean says for her benefit. “Claire wants an apple for a snack?”

 _Please_ , Claire signs.

“Okay, one sec,” he tells her. “Hey Cas, Claire wants an apple. I gotta cut it up right?”

“And peel it,” Castiel answers from the living room.

Dean shoots Claire an amused look. “You‘re a bit of a princess, aren’t you?” he says, shaking his head at her. But he grabs a paring knife and peels the damn apple while Claire does everything she can to climb her way up his leg. “This would go faster if you’d stop treatin’ me like a cat tree, you know,” Dean says, amused at how badly she wants a stupid apple.

“Dee Dee Dee Dee,” Claire babbles. “Uh!”

“Can’t pick you up. Gotta slice up your apple,” Dean explains.

“Dee UH!” Claire shouts.

“No, you monkey,” Dean says more firmly. “Here.” He hands her a piece of the apple peel and she looks at it like it’s gonna bite her. “Go put it in the garbage for me, buddy.” She turns on her heels and heads for the garbage can, putting it in carefully. “Good job! Come get some more,” he urges her. By the time she has all the peel in the garbage, her apple is sliced and in a little Hello Kitty bowl. “Let’s go eat,” he says, popping a slice into his mouth and taking her hand to lead her into the living room.

“I was waiting for a fit after you said no,” Castiel admits as they sit on the couch beside him. Claire climbs into Dean’s lap and Dean hands her the bowl.

“Apple,” Dean says again.

“You’re kind of a genius to give her a job to keep her busy,” Castiel continues.

Dean smiles. “Nah, I just stole the idea from the daycare. That’s what they do.”

“You’re still so good with her all the time,” Castiel smiles at him.

“You thought it was gonna wear off or something?”

Castiel shrugs. “There’s always the possibility that the novelty of being around her will wear off.”

“It’s not like she’s a shiny new toy, Cas. I love her, you know,” he says, still slightly awkward about saying it out loud.

“No, I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that you don’t.” Dean knows Cas well enough by now to know that something else is coming. He wouldn’t just say something like that out of the blue and then leave it.

Claire eats her apple piece by piece on Dean’s lap, and when she’s only got a few slices left, she slides off and goes to her train tracks. She turns around right away to Dean and says, “Dee.” Then she signs, _help_.

“Yeah, alright,” Dean sighs, getting up and going over to build her a track. He tells her which tracks to hand him - “Now I need a straight one. Can you find one for me?” - until he has a loop made for her. She holds up a train for him to play with her but he shakes his head. “You play for now. I’ll play later. Dean’s tired. I wanna hear your choo-choo noises though, okay?”

He smiles when she starts making _ch-ch-ch_ sounds as she pushes the train on the tracks. He ruffles her hair and then gets up off the floor and sits back down on the couch with Cas.

“Can I tell you something?” Castiel asks.

“Is it gonna be like this morning when you asked me something?” Dean asks back.

“No,” Castiel says, smiling slightly. “It’s just... I’ve been thinking on and off all day about how I couldn’t get Claire down for a nap this morning without you and how she settled down for you instead of me. Then I remembered how she calls for both of us when she wakes up in the morning now, and when you don’t stay over, she asks for you almost immediately. Like she doesn’t understand why you’re not already here.”

Dean’s heart swells just thinking about it. “Yeah,” he says, not sure what else he’s supposed to say.

“And for me... I find myself waking up in the middle of the night reaching for you when you’re not there. I have a hard time falling asleep without you now. It’s like my bed’s too big without you there.” He says it like it’s a confession, like he’s shy about admitting that.

“Me, too,” Dean agrees. “I always sleep better with you.”

Castiel smiles at him. “So when I was thinking about it, my first thought was how nice that is. How easily you fit in, like you belong here with us, and how you being around as much as you have been is obviously what both me and Claire want. Well, honestly, we both seem to never want you to leave,” he says, looking down at his lap instead of over at Dean. “But then the flip side of that occurred to me, too. What if... and please don’t hear this as me pushing you away or doubting us, Dean... but what if this doesn’t work out? And Claire wants you to put her down at naptime and cries because you’re not here when she wakes up in the morning?”

Dean takes his hand and slots their fingers together. “Then I’ll still come over and help you put her down if you need me to.”

Castiel smiles but shakes his head. “That’s so unrealistic, though. People don’t do that.”

“That’s bullshit,” Dean says, and that finally makes Cas look back up at him. “People co-parent when they’re not together all the time. I’m telling you, I will be here for her for as long as you need me to be. Whether it doesn’t work out next week or ten years from now, I’ll be here to help make it easier for her until she gets used to me not bein’ around again.” His eyes fill stupidly even saying that out loud because he never wants her to get used to that, and he looks away, not wanting Cas to see.

“I think I hate hearing you talk about the possibility of that as much as you must hate saying the words,” Castiel says quietly. “But I’m so scared that if things don’t work out it’s not only going to be my heart that gets broken, it’s going to be hers, too.”

Dean exhales loudly. “I can’t promise you anything about us, Cas. Not yet, because you know I don’t make promises I can’t keep. And I don’t wanna scare you away by admitting this... but I might’ve had it cross my mind a time or two that this - you, and me and Claire together - it might actually end up the way it should. I don’t know where it’s gonna go, but I’m uh... I guess I’m starting to believe that this could be, you know, it.”

Dean can feel his heart beating in his ears, his pulse thumping wildly with nerves and fear at saying something like that for the first time in his life. There’s a split second where all he can hear is Claire making her _ch-ch-ch_ sounds on the floor and then Castiel whispers, “I love you, Dean.”

Dean’s head whips up and he stares at him, making sure he heard what he thinks he heard. Castiel is looking at hm in _that way_ \- like he’s his entire world - and he knows he heard him right, and he thinks he knows what that look really is now, too. Cas fucking loves him. He knows his eyes are probably wide from shock and his heart’s beating faster than he thinks it ever has before. “You do?” he manages to choke out.

Castiel nods, smiling shyly.

Deans own smile spreads across his face while warmth explodes inside of him. “I love you, too.” It’s the first time in his whole life he’s said that to anybody but his family and relief and elation joins in with the warmth in his chest. _Holy shit._

This time Castiel’s the one who smiles so big. “I know.”

Dean’s breath comes out in a laugh, “You cocky bastard.” Then, before Castiel can respond, he pulls him towards him and crushes their lips together, humming happily against Castiel’s lips. His eyes water as he thinks that this is the best feeling in the entire world. He loves Cas and Cas loves him back! He loves Cas and Claire, and they both love him. If they don’t screw it up, he could _actually have this_. He might never lose it.

When they break apart, Castiel is laughing and shaking his head. “I’m not cocky. You might have let your feelings slip out a few times last night.”

Dean’s eyes go even wider and he gives him a playful little shove. “Why didn’t you tell me!?”

“I figured you would tell me when you were ready, and I didn’t want to embarrass you. But then you had to go and say everything you just said, and I couldn’t stop myself from telling you that I love you. I’ve been in love with you for weeks, but I knew it was too fast and that I shouldn’t say anything yet. Then you told me last night and I wasn’t afraid to say it anymore.”

“Shit,” Dean laughs. He gets a look from Cas and knows he swore, so apologizes quickly. “Sorry. Just embarrassed. Can’t believe I screwed that up. What’d I say?”

“Well, the first time you said you were drunk on love, and I thought you were just drunk and joking. But then you started talking about how you had a secret that you couldn’t tell me because you were drunk, and that you had never done it before but you knew -”

“I shouldn’t say it when I’m drunk. Yeah, I remember that, now,” Dean says, his face flushing.

“I still wasn’t totally sure that’s what you meant, but then we got home, and your mom kissed me on the cheek the same way she kisses you,” Castiel says quietly.

Dean feels his lips curve up into another smile. “I remember that, too. It was so sweet that she did that, then you said somethin’ about it and you sounded like you were an adorable mix of happy and embarrassed, and it made me feel like my heart was gonna explode in my chest.”

“And you said, ‘I guess I’m not the only one who loves you,’” Castiel finishes.

Dean laughs and runs a hand through his hair nervously. “Not the smoothest way I coulda said it for the first time.”

“But you meant it. I knew you did, even though it was obvious you didn’t mean to say it.”

“I just realized it last night, watching you on stage,” Dean explains. ”It just freakin’ hit me outta nowhere, and I knew all of the sudden that this warm fuzzy sh-stuff I feel when I’m with you is love.”

Castiel’s voice is soft when he says, “And that’s why you kissed me like that when I got off the stage.” Dean nods. “I love you so much. I’m never going to forget that moment.”

Dean grins wide again. “Me neither. I love you,” he answers, still smiling like an idiot. “God, I dunno if it feels better to say it or hear it.”

“Both,” Castiel insists.

Dean bobs his head in agreement. “I’ve, uh, never loved anybody before. Never been in love.”

“Never?” Castiel asks him.

“Never. Not even close til you came around. It’s only ever been you, Cas.” _I only ever want it to be you._

“Dean,” Castiel says softly, his eyes tearing up.

“Okay, okay, don’t cry, honey,” he says, waving it away. “I’m done being all mushy now.”

Castiel takes a deep breath and wipes at his eyes, nodding. “Sorry. I’m good,” he says, laughing at himself. “But before we change the subject to something more manly and less tear inducing, I just want to say, about what you said earlier? I’ve been thinking the same thing. I would be happy if this was _it_ for me, as well. You, me, and Claire together as a family would make me very happy.”

“Yeah,” Dean says, his voice a little rougher than usual. “That’s good. That’s real good.” They hold eye contact for a long time, only looking away when Claire comes over to them, holding a train in her hand. She drops it into Castiel’s lap and signs _help_.

“What do you need help with, baby?” Castiel asks her.

Dean gets a whiff of something absolutely rancid just as Claire reaches behind her to grab at her diaper.

Dean pulls his shirt up over his nose and says, “That’s all you, Cas.”

Castiel sighs heavily, but stands up and takes Claire’s hand to walk down the hall to her bedroom. “I hate you,” he yells from the bedroom a minute later, but Dean just grins, because he knows he doesn’t. Not really.

Cas loves him.


	17. Chapter 17

As the rest of the afternoon goes by easily with nothing worse than very frequent and very disgusting dirty diapers, Dean avoids changing every single one and Castiel takes over without another complaint. He feels kinda bad about it because he likes helping out with Claire whenever he can, but baby poopsplosions are so far outside of his comfort zone he just can’t find it in him to offer to change one. Thankfully, it doesn’t seem like Cas is holding it against him.

Finally finding a way to be useful, he offers to go pick up take out for their usual Saturday dinner. (He sure as hell isn’t staying at home with Claire when her ass is going off every twenty minutes.) After some discussion, they decide on chicken, so just before five Dean heads out to go pick it up. Claire isn’t feeling well, he’s tired after last night and still pissed off about Ketch, but Cas told him he loves him, so he’s got an extra bounce in his step.

Right until he opens the door of the apartment building and sees Baby completely resting on her rims with four flat tires. His heart sinks and there’s a split second when he’s frozen into place before his anger kicks in.

“Son of a bitch!” he curses, running over to his pride and joy and seeing all of her tires slashed. “You spineless mother fucker!”

It had to be Ketch.

He takes a look at her paint job and doesn’t see any marks, but makes sure to take his time going over every single inch of her just in case the douchebag keyed her or something. Finally completely satisfied that it’s just her tires, he pulls out his phone and texts Benny a picture of his situation.

 

 **DEAN:** Any chance I can get a tow?

 **BENNY:** Wtf?

 **DEAN:** People think crazy ex-gfs are bad? Try crazy ex husbands.

 **BENNY:** That’s fucked up. I’ll start calling around right now for tires and be by to tow her when I can get there.

 **DEAN:** Thanks man

 

Knowing there’s nothing more he can do about this right now _and_ that they still need to eat, Dean turns back around and makes his way back to Cas’s apartment.

Castiel takes one look at his face and is up out of his seat. “Dean? What’s wrong?”

“I need your keys. All four of my tires are slashed.” Dean tries to keep his voice as even as possible so Castiel doesn't see just how upset he really is about this. Claire’s already not feeling well, and the last thing Cas needs right now is to worry about him, too.

Understanding dawns in Castiel’s eyes and he squeezes them closed tight before he explodes with, “Fuck!” and throws the television remote still in his hand against the wall in an uncharacteristic fit of fury. Dean sees Claire look over, obviously puzzled by the noise, but turns back to the TV after nothing else happens.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Dean says to Castiel, grabbing a hold of his biceps to try and calm him down before he punches a wall or something. “It’s just a car, honey.” There’s a split second where he thinks, _There’s something I never thought I’d say._ But it’s true. Considering all the other shit Ketch could’ve tried to hurt him with - like Cas or Claire - he’s glad he went after his car instead. “Benny’s gonna come tow her and I’ll have a new set of tires in no time.”

“You know _he_ did this!” Dean takes a moment to appreciate how Cas doesn’t even want to say the fucker’s name.

“Of course I do. He’s obviously proving he’s more of a man than I am by sneaking over here and slashing my tires like a stereotypical crazy ex-girlfriend and then running away like a little bitch before I can confront him about it,” Dean jokes. Castiel rolls his eyes, but his body relaxes some and Dean considers that a bit of a win. “Seriously, it’s just tires.”

“That you now have to shell out hundreds of dollars for because of me,” Castiel adds.

“Not because of you. Because of him. He’s obviously off his rocker, Cas,” Dean says. “Honestly, I’m just happy he didn’t key her up or somethin’. I probably would’ve cried.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did. I know I would if I was you, even with just the tires to deal with on top of everything else,” Castiel tells him. “I know how much that car means to you, even if he didn’t, and I’m so, _so_ sorry, Dean.”

“Don’t worry about it, okay? This doesn’t change anything, except I have one more reason to hate the slimy bastard. Well, that, and now I have to drive your old man car to pick up dinner.”

Castiel smiles a half smile and grabs his keys off the hook by the door before pressing them into Dean’s hands. “Don’t crash it. It’s the only vehicle we have now.”

Dean’s lips quirk at the _we_ and he leans in to kiss him quickly. “Thanks, hon. I’ll be back. Keep the door locked just in case, okay?” Castiel stiffens and fear becomes evident in his eyes. “Hey, take it easy,” Dean says quickly. “He’d be stupid to slash my tires and then hang around here waiting to get caught. Just… better safe than sorry, right?”

Castiel nods slowly. “I don’t even know that I would have thought of keeping the door locked. Thank you for looking out for us.”

“Always. I’m not gonna let anything happen to either of you,” Dean promises. “I’ll be right back, hon. Call me if you need anything.”

Once Dean gets back out to the parking lot and takes another look at Baby, he lets the emotions he’d been holding back in front of Cas come out now that he has a minute to himself. He closes himself inside of Castiel’s car, turns the music up loud, and lets out a yell full of rage and frustration. He slams his hands down on the steering wheel hard enough that he’s reminded of breaking his finger and what a pain in the ass that was, then rests his head against the wheel with his chest heaving as he tries to calm himself back down.

_It’s just a car. It’s just a car. It’s just a car._

But he knows it isn’t _really_ about the car at all. It’s about Ketch making both him and Cas feel like they’re not safe. Like they’re completely helpless to do anything about him. He’s got a list as long as his arm of things he wants to beat the shit out of Ketch for, and this has moved to number four on the list, right after fucking Cas until he bled, giving him such low self esteem, and walking out on Claire. He’s not gonna let Ketch get away with this. He’s caused Cas and Claire enough pain, he’s not going to let him start on him, too. He has to do something to protect them, and if Jody says there’s shit all the law can do about it, he’s going to use the next best thing he knows of.

He pulls out his phone and sets the wheels in motion.

 

 **DEAN:** I need you to give me everything you can find that I can use against Arthur Ketch.

 **CHARLIE:** I’m intrigued. Who is this unfortunate man?

 **DEAN:** Cas’s ex-husband. Douche slashed all of Baby’s tires sometime this afternoon.

 **CHARLIE:** Oh HELL NO! Don’t say another word. I’m on it.

 

Dean grumbles to himself the entire way to KFC to pick up the chicken, and the entire way back. He wants to get all of the negativity out of his system by the time he gets back home to Cas and Claire so he can be there for them. He’s annoyed further by the incredibly shitty turning radius this car has, and though Baby isn’t a small car, she drives smooth and comparatively makes this one feel like a fucking boat. And even worse than that, he feels like a little old man driving it. The only good thing going for him is that Cas has a _Guns N Roses_ CD in. So at least he doesn’t have to listen to terrible music while driving a terrible car.

By the time he arrives at the apartment he’s definitely feeling lighter, and Cas seems to have calmed down, too. He wants to laugh (but knows better) when he sees the TV remote sitting on the coffee table with duct tape holding it together. Claire eats some mashed potatoes and a tiny little bit of chicken for dinner, which is much better than the apple sauce she had for lunch, but still nothing close to what she’d usually eat. Her fever doesn’t come back though, and her diaper filling finally seems to settle down just after six.

Dean helps Cas do most of the bedtime routine with Claire, then leaves him to read her bedtime story so he can tidy up the toys and kitchen, and also so he can check in with Benny and then Charlie.

 

 **DEAN:** So? Got anything?

 **CHARLIE:** More than I expected, tbh. He is a very bad man. All kinds of icky.

 **DEAN:** Ya, he said stuff today that made it pretty clear he’s been watching me and Cas for a while. And my family.

 **CHARLIE:** Eep. Glad you knew that already so I didn’t have to try and find a way to tell you. He’s bad news, Dean. Has assault on his record and has licenses for a whole arsenal of guns. Idk if we should fuck with this guy

 **DEAN:** You think I should just sit around and wait for him to do something worse than slashing my tires?

 **CHARLIE:** Even if I did, I know you wouldn’t do it. So I have a low-key idea. Keeps us all anonymous, taking a page out of his book while still giving it to him, you know?

 **DEAN:** I’m in.

 **CHARLIE:** Gonna send a tip to his boss to let him know Ketch used company time and his work computer to search through porn to find that pic of Cas’s Doppelganger, and that it was emailed to you from there too.

 **DEAN:** As a boss myself, I’m gonna say he’s not gonna like that too much. That’s perfect.

 **CHARLIE:** Consider it done!

 **DEAN:** Love you bestie <3

 **CHARLIE:** <33333

 

“What are you smiling about?” Castiel asks, coming out of the bathroom and walking into the room.

“Oh, just watchin’ porn on my phone because I’m not completely sexually satisfied after my boyfriend got me off twice today,” Dean says, and Castiel gives him a little push.

“You’re such an ass.”

Dean grins. “I was talking to Charlie. I asked her to find something on Ketch that we could use against him. Turns out he used his work computer to find that picture he sent me. So she’s gonna send his boss an anonymous tip. Give Ketch a taste of his own medicine.”

“Hmm, I like that.”

“Yeah, me too,” Dean agrees. “I had a text from Benny, too. Said he can’t get me tires until Monday.”

“He’s a mechanic I’m assuming? I don’t think I knew that,” Castiel comments.

“Yeah. His shop’s just a couple blocks from the library, actually, on 4th.”

“Oh. Well, it’s a good thing your boyfriend already goes to your work every day if you’re not going to have a car,” Castiel smiles. “I can drop you and Claire off Monday morning.”

“Pretty handy, yeah. Or I could just drop you off and then take Claire to daycare with me if you want to save yourself the driving time,” Dean offers. “Maybe you can pick up Baby and bring her back here for me when Benny’s got the tires on?”

“You’re going to let me drive your car?” Castiel asks incredulously.

Like there’s anything he wouldn’t let Cas do. “Just gotta promise to treat her right. She's a lady, you know.”

Castiel snorts his amusement. “That works for me, as long as you don’t mind driving my car again.”

“I hate driving your car, but I’ll do it anyway if it’s helping you out.”

“I love you,” Castiel replies with a soft smile.

“I know,” Dean says, making Castiel laugh.

“Know what I was thinking before you distracted me with all the car talk?” Castiel asks, wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist. Dean arches his brows, waiting for the rest of the sentence when Castiel’s eyes meet his. “How hard I came this afternoon.”

Dean bites his bottom lip, remembering pretty clearly himself and already feeling a thrum of desire run through his body having Cas so close while he thinks about it. “Snuck up on you. Or it seemed like it did to me anyway.”

“First time anybody’s touched me _there_ for a long time. I almost forgot how good it can feel,” Castiel admits, his voice a little bit lower than it was a few seconds ago. Dean can already feel his arousal increasing from the subject matter and hearing Castiel’s voice change.

“I can make you feel _really_ good, you know,” Dean promises.

“I think - I think I want you to.”

Even knowing this isn’t the time to linger, Dean can’t resist dipping his head to catch Cas’s lips in a quick kiss. “Whenever you’re ready. I got you, Cas.”

"Did you want it in writing or something?” Castiel asks, his lips turning up into half a smile as his cheeks heat up.

“What? _Now!?_ ”

“Mmm hmm. Unless three times in one day is too much for you?” Castiel teases.

“Oh I think I can handle it,” Dean laughs, grabbing Castiel’s hand and pressing it against his already growing erection.

Castiel teases him by rubbing him to full hardness where they stand, then says, “Are you going to fuck me standing up in the living room or should we take this to the bedroom?”

“Jesus,” Dean gasps. Hearing Cas talk dirty is pretty much the hottest thing ever, and hearing him say ‘fuck me’ is doing all kinds of things to him. “Bedroom.”

Castiel chuckles and leads the way with Dean hot on his heels.

“I know we don’t usually, but I have to leave the door open tonight,” Castiel begins once they walk into the bedroom. “I don’t know if Claire’s going to sleep through the night or not and I want to be able to hear her even if we’re... busy.”

Dean quickly pulls his mind out of the gutter where it was happily picturing Castiel’s muscular thighs wrapped around his waist in vivid detail. “It’s okay, honey. We don’t have to do this tonight. You know I’m happy to just sit and watch a movie.”

“No, I want to. I _really_ want to, we just might have to stop if she wakes up,” Castiel warns him.

“Okay,” Dean nods. He gets back into the right frame of mind by pulling his shirt up and over his head before taking a step towards Cas to do the same thing to him. “Lay down for me, Cas.” He watches as Cas gets onto the bed, distracted by how good he looks climbing on, but unable to hold in a laugh when he’s the one to have to stop to push all of the pillows onto the floor before he can lay down for once. “Pretty annoying, aren’t they?”

“They still look nice,” Castiel says, but there’s a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, and it’s that as much as anything that has Dean approaching him eagerly on the bed. He’s adorable _and_ hot as fuck.

He crawls across it until he’s straddling Castiel’s thigh, bracketing his head with his arms. Lowering himself down to his elbows, he captures Castiel’s mouth in a soft kiss. He teases him with his lips, kissing his bottom one and then the top, then changes the angle and does it again and again. He lingers a little bit longer each time until Castiel groans in frustration and wraps a hand around the back of his neck, licking his way into Dean’s mouth with unrestricted desire.

Castiel seems needy and in a rush, and while it’s getting him going in all the right ways, that’s not how Dean wants to do this right now. So he slows it down again, changing the kiss from hard and fast to soft and slow, until Castiel’s hand slides down to cup his face and he can feel that warmth inside of his chest blooming again.

He breaks apart to start kissing his way across Castiel’s jaw to his ear, nibbling slightly as he goes until he presses a kiss right behind his ear. “I’ve never done this with somebody I’ve been in love with before. Let’s take it nice and slow, okay, honey?” Dean asks him quietly.

“No teasing, then,” Castiel says, turning his head to bare his neck for him.

Dean leaves dozens of wet and open-mouthed kisses on his neck and shoulder, tasting every inch of him until he moves his lips down to follow the curve of his throat, humming into his skin when Castiel’s hands roam over his back and shoulders. He straddles Castiel’s knees as he keeps moving down, running his hands over his strong chest and down his arms as he uses his mouth to give his chest the same treatment he gave his neck.

“Love your body, Cas,” Dean tells him, looking up at him as he kisses his way around his belly button and begins tugging down his pants to reach those hip bones he loves so much. “Love _you_ ,” he says, now that he can. He scrapes his teeth across his hip bone, and gives into the urge to suck a mark into it, causing Castiel to writhe beneath him as he works his skin.

“Dean,” Castiel pants.

Dean presses a kiss against the mark he just left while he tugs Castiel’s pants the rest of the way down, running his hands down his muscular thighs. God, he’s gorgeous. He pauses to reach for the lube out of Cas’s end table, and tosses it on the bed beside him. “Wanna turn over for me, hon?” Dean asks.

Dean watches while his eyes open a little wider, and he sees the way his throat struggles on a swallow before he nods and rolls over. His ass is so fucking perfect, and even though one part of him wants to fuck into him hard and fast, Cas is obviously nervous, and his job right now is to make him feel so damn good that he forgets everything but pleasure.

Instead of going right for his ass the way he wants to, he straddles his lower back and uses his hands to massage his broad shoulders, pressing his palms firmly into his skin and eliciting a tiny moan from Castiel. He smiles as he keeps massaging him, getting more and more sounds of pleasure out of him that keep his dick interested as he moves down to his shoulder blades. After feeling Castiel relax more with every minute that passes, Dean positions himself so that his cock rests along the crack of Castiel’s ass. He still has his sweatpants on, so it isn’t overtly sexual, but it’s a reminder of what’s about to happen and Dean’s really happy when Cas doesn’t tense up all that much.

He drops his lips to the center of his spine, and kisses his way down slowly. “You’re so beautiful,” Dean whispers to him. “Doing so good, honey.”

Dean’s kisses reach his tailbone and he shimmies down some more, positioning himself on the bed between Castiel’s knees before he runs his hands down Castiel’s sides and over his asscheeks. Cas gasps and Dean hopes that’s a good thing, so he palms them a little bit rougher this time and lowers his mouth to trail kisses over the subtle slope of his asscheek.

“So sexy, Cas,” Dean praises him. “I want you so damn bad.”

“Please,” Castiel begs him.

Dean takes his urging as a cue to brush his thumb along his asscrack as he grabs another handful of his ass, and this time Cas groans. Fuck, yeah. Dean spreads his cheeks apart slightly, and slowly - very slowly - brushes his lips down his crack until he places a single chaste kiss directly to his hole. “This okay?” Dean asks him, his cock throbbing between his legs with how badly he wants to eat him out.

“I - I don’t know. I’ve never...”

Dean moans, feeling possessive about his mouth being the first on Castiel’s ass like this. “Oh, honey, I’m gonna make you feel so good. You tell me if you want me to stop or if you don’t like it, okay?” Castiel nods.

Dean grins to himself before he licks his lips and lowers them back down to Castiel’s ass. He smells like soap and Dean realizes what Cas must have been doing in the bathroom after he put Claire to bed. _Sneaky bastard_. He kisses his hole gently several times, soft and chaste again, waiting for him to relax. Once he has, he opens his mouth and leaves wet kisses up and down his crack, back and forth across his opening, dragging his days’ worth of stubble between his cheeks. He doesn’t want to overwhelm him. He wants to just start nice and slow until he gets used to the feeling of somebody being so close to somewhere so intimate. When his ass unclenches, Dean smiles softly before using his thumbs to pull him open a tiny bit more and introduces his tongue for the first time.

He circles the sensitive skin around his hole lightly a few times, teasing the sparse hair with his breath, listening carefully for any sounds from Cas to see how he’s liking this. So far he’s completely silent, but his hips are starting to move the tiniest little bit, like he’s searching for friction against the blankets beneath him. Dean increases the pressure of his tongue, laving it wet and firm around and around his hole, and finally, he hears a tiny hitch in Castiel’s breathing. He opens his mouth and seals it over his centre, flicking his tongue across it, and earns a moan for the first time from Castiel. He spreads his cheeks as wide as he can and gets down to business, licking, nibbling and even sucking on the skin around his hole until he finally feels his rim begin to relax under his tongue. He spears the tip of his tongue to dip it inside and circles around him, warm and wet, and hears Castiel call out his name on a broken sob.

 _That’s_ the reaction he was looking for.

He hums against him, knowing the vibration will add just a little more for Castiel, and when Cas pushes his ass back towards him - likely without meaning to - Dean holds him place and does it again and again, dragging his tongue around his rim, loosening him up and getting a tiny bit more space to circle inside of him. When Dean opens his eyes to check on Castiel’s expression he’s surprised to see him resting on his elbows, looking over his shoulder at Dean with his mouth hanging open and his face flushed pink as he pants for air.

Dean keeps eye contact and dives right back in, getting as enthusiastic as he dares, putting on one hell of a show for his boyfriend, making plenty of slurping noises and tiny sounds of pleasure as he does it.

When Cas starts calling his name - “Oh, Dean! _Oh!_ Ugghhh. Fuck. Dean, Dean, Deeeean, _please!_ ” - he figures it’s time to reach for the lube. He keeps lavishing wet kisses against his hole while he pops the lid with one hand and awkwardly squirts it onto his fingers. He rubs his hands together, smearing it all over but wanting to make sure his fingers are warm for Cas.

“Turn back over for me, hon,” Dean urges him. He wants to be able to see his face to make sure he’s not hurting him even for a second.

Castiel rolls back over and Dean just about starts salivating at the sight of him. His chest is flushed all the way up to his neck and across his cheeks. His bottom lip is plump and blood red, letting him know he’s been biting down on it. He’s got marks on his skin from Dean’s mouth - a bruise darkening on his hip - and his cock. _Fuck_ , just look at it. It’s flushed and swollen thick and Dean leans in to lap at the tip when he sees a tiny bead of precum pearling there before he can stop himself.

“Ah! _Dean_ ,” Castiel calls out desperately.

Dean pulls away quickly, recognizing how close he is and not wanting to make him come yet. “Look so fucking sexy, Cas. You have no idea how bad I want you.” He pushes his legs up so Cas’s feet are planted on the mattress firmly. He lays on his stomach between his legs and runs a slick finger across his crack. “Look at you. That pretty pink hole of yours all wet from my mouth.” Castiel bites down on his bottom lip again and Dean would swear he could see his cock twitch. He pushes the tip of his finger inside of him and waits the split second it takes for Castiel to relax again before he slips inside easily, the muscle already mostly loose enough for a single digit from his mouth but the rest of him unbelievably narrow.

“Fuck, Cas, so tight,” Dean groans, his own cock is almost painfully hard in his pants now that he’s thinking about how good this is gonna feel. “So good. So perfect, _god_.” Castiel’s hands are fisted in the bed sheets and Dean smiles softly at him. “You good?”

“Really good,” Castiel answers, his voice nice and rough the way Dean likes it.

Dean starts moving his finger in and out of him, nice and slow while he gets used to the intrusion. He presses kisses to the inside of his thighs, sucking marks every now and then and enjoying the feeling of Castiel’s strong legs trembling with what he hopes is desire.

Wanting to distract him from any possible pain, he leans forwards and takes the tip of his cock into his mouth while he pushes a second finger inside, tonguing at his slit when he notices him tense again, and starting to bob his head until he feels him relax.

He pulls off and checks on him again. “Am I hurting you?”

“No,” Castiel answers quickly. “No. I thought it might hurt and I got scared for a second, but it doesn’t hurt. Still feels good. Really good.”

Dean doesn’t like that he got scared. He doesn’t want him to feel anything but pleasure. “Wanna take a break? I can suck you off and we can pick this up again another night.”

“What? No. No, don’t stop. I want you. Want this,” Castiel insists.

“Okay, good,” Dean smiles. “‘Cause you feel really fucking good.” He twists his fingers before he pulls them out a tiny bit and pushes them back in, feeling Castiel’s tight heat squeezing around him but reveling in how easily he can still slide in and out. “Taking my fingers so damn nice. Can’t wait to be inside of you.”

“I want you. I want you so badly,” Castiel confesses. “You’re making me feel _so_ good.”

Additional desire floods through him and Dean thrusts down into the mattress desperately. His cock is _begging_ him for some attention, and his eyes slip closed while he feels the tiny bit of friction beneath him. He starts scissoring his fingers inside of Cas, stretching him in earnest while he feels around, searching for the sweet spot he knows is going to make him feel even better. He lowers his mouth to Castiel’s testicles while he stretches him open, taking one into his mouth and swirling his tongue until he switches to the other one, and finally, Castiel calls out as Dean’s fingers brush against the tiny little nub he was searching for.

“There it is,” Dean breathes in relief, rubbing against it gently and making Castiel’s hips come shooting right up off of the mattress. He keeps stretching him, brushing his prostate every now and then until he feels like he’s loose enough for three fingers. He adds a little bit more lube and forgets to wait for it to warm up before he pushes three inside of him.

It’s Castiel’s gasp that reminds him and he chuckles. “Sorry, hon. Little cold.”

“Feels so good though,” Castiel moans and Dean files that away for later: Cas likes cold. He opens him up slowly, fucking him with his fingers, watching meticulously as Castiel’s hole stretches around his fingers. He scissors his fingers, stretching until he feels like there’s room for more. He almost never preps with four fingers, but since he wants the actual sex to be absolutely painless for Cas, he pushes his pinky finger inside too, lapping at the base of his cock while he does it.

It’s probably not even a full minute before Castiel babbles, “Okay, okay, okay. Okay, Dean. I’m ready. I want you inside of me.” Dean presses against his prostate one more time just to make him moan and then pulls his fingers out and wipes them on the bed sheets.

He gets to his knees and pulls his sweatpants down, feeling his cock bob heavily as he frees himself from them completely. “Condom?” Dean asks him.

Castiel shakes his head. “You don’t need one if you don’t want to.”

Dean has never gone bareback in his entire life and has to work hard not to show how bad he wants to. “You sure?” Castiel nods. “Goddamn. You’re just racking up my firsts,” Dean says with a wink. He grabs for the lube but Castiel sits up and takes it from him.

“Let me. I want a chance to touch you, too,” Castiel says, looking directly into his eyes.

“Yeah,” Dean answers breathily. “But uh, take it easy. I’m more than a little worked up over here.”

Castiel leans forward to kiss him, and suddenly they’re both pushing up to their knees, mouths crashing together passionately, hands roaming over each other’s bodies needily. He feels like Castiel is branding him with every touch and searing his name into his brain.

“I love you,” Castiel says between kisses, and Dean whimpers against his lips.

“Love you,” he answers, resting their foreheads together as they collectively try to catch their breath.

Castiel picks up the lube and drizzles it right onto the top of Dean’s cock. Dean gasps at the sensation of the cool liquid sliding down his shaft, and then drops his head to Castiel’s shoulder when he grasps him in his hand and strokes him slowly, spreading the lubrication liberally along him.

“I want you.” Castiel whispers it seductively into his ear and slithers his way down Dean’s neck and chest slowly before he lays back, rubbing off the excess lube between his legs and spreading them invitingly. “I’ve never actually wanted this before. I - I didn’t know that I ever would. But I want you inside of me, Dean. I want you to make love to me.”

Dean feels his mouth go dry and his heart start racing impossibly faster as he lays himself between the vee of Castiel’s legs, framing his head with his forearms while he positions himself at his entrance.

He searches Castiel’s eyes for any glimmer of fear or uncertainty and when he sees nothing but love and desire, he lets his cock nudge at his hole.

Castiel’s mouth drops and Dean lays his body flush against him to kiss right under his unhinged jaw, rough with stubble. Castiel rolls his hips down towards him, asking Dean to take him without saying the words, and he finally gives into the need pumping through every inch of him. He lines himself up and pushes once, hard and fast to breach the ring of muscle, and then sinks nice and slow into Castiel’s waiting hole with a long, drawn-out moan, pulled in by Castiel’s hands grabbing at his back until he bottoms out.

Cas feels absolutely perfect, surrounding him in every way possible with not a single thing between them.

He presses his face into the side of Castiel’s neck as he waits for him to get used to his girth and for himself to get used to the heightened sensations that come along with not wearing a condom for the first time. As he sucks in air needily, his senses are overwhelmed by everything Castiel: his scent - honey and sweat mixed together - the sound of his breath coming out in hard pants, the feel of his body beneath him, Cas’s cock hard between their bodies, and his own cock buried within the slick heat of the man he loves.

He’s never felt more connected to anybody in his entire life. He lifts his head to look into his eyes, needing to share everything he’s feeling with him.

“Nothing's ever felt so right,” Dean confesses in a whisper.

Cas’s eyes go even softer and he drops his lips to meet Castiel’s, kissing him passionately until they both have to break away for air again. Dean’s eyes search his and Castiel nods, giving his permission to start moving, and Dean kisses him again before he backs his hips up and pushes back in gently.

“God you feel good,” Dean breathes. “Fucking perfect,” he elaborates, rocking into him slowly.

“You feel so big. Huge,” Castiel groans. “But really good. Keep going.”

Dean starts thrusting into him, still gently, but pulling out more and more and sinking back into him deeper and deeper, not able to keep his eyes open as he’s flooded with pleasure. Castiel grips him by the back of the neck and pulls his mouth to his, and they kiss messily as they fall into a rhythm of Dean thrusting into Castiel and Castiel lifting his hips to meet each thrust. Castiel hitches his legs up, helping Dean sink in further and Castiel calls out loudly.

“Oh God, Dean. Right there, _fuck._ ” Castiel gasps as Dean thrusts into him again. One hand wraps around Dean’s waist, holding him in tight to his body, and now Dean can feel Castiel’s cock sliding against his stomach. Castiel lets out another sound of ecstasy, and his other hand slips down to Dean’s ass, squeezing it in his palm, making him groan into his mouth.

He pumps his hips faster, keeping the same angle, nailing Castiel’s prostate over and over. The sharp bite of Castiel’s nails digs into his back. When Castiel’s lips disappear from under his, it’s because his head is thrown back in pleasure and Dean dives in to feast on neck instead.

“Love you, love you. God, I love you, Cas,” Dean whispers, not even knowing if Cas can hear him over his own sounds of pleasure and their skin slapping together, but needing to say it anyway, punctuating each declaration of love with kiss after kiss. He loses all sense of time and everything else except for how much he loves the man he’s deep inside of and how unbelievably good this feels.

“Dean - Dean - touch me, touch me _please_ , Dean,” Castiel gasps, bringing him back to earth. “I’m so close but I need - I need you to -”

“I got you, Cas, I got you,” Dean promises.

He pushes himself up onto his hand and reaches between them to grip Castiel’s thick cock, feeling an additional wave of desire run through him just from how fucking hard he is. Dean keeps thrusting greedily into him, trying to make his brain work enough to match the rhythm of his hips to the jerking of Castiel’s cock, but he’s barely gotten started when Castiel starts gasping for air. He clutches at Dean’s back, still digging his nails deep into his skin, as he comes all over Dean’s hand and clenches around him deliciously.

“Holy fuck that’s hot,” Dean groans, his thrusts picking up speed while he watches Castiel spill between them, his cum almost clear from his third orgasm today. He grips the back of Castiel’s thighs to hold him into position and finally lets himself take. He pulls almost all the way out before he rocks back in, again and again, until he feels that heat finally start to build inside of him.

He can hear himself making little grunts with every thrust as he pushes in faster and faster. He brings a hand to the side of Castiel’s face, wanting to kiss him again tenderly, to tell him that he loves him before he comes, but Castiel moves his hands down to his ass, forcing him to add more power to his thrusts, whispering that he loves him into Dean’s ear, and it’s only a few seconds after that when his body tenses.

Castiel must feel it, because he runs his hand up his back, over Dean’s neck and onto his face, pulling him down so that they’re forehead to forehead. Dean gets a single glimpse of Castiel’s too-blue eyes before he buries himself as deep into him as he can with a final thrust. His eyes squeeze closed as the best orgasm of his life is wrenched out of him with guttural groan. His hand slides down Castiel’s face bonelessly and finds itself in his hair, damp with sweat, where he holds on for dear life as his hips stutter until he completely empties himself.

When he’s finally spent, he crumples on top of Castiel with his face buried into the curve of Castiel’s neck, and loses the ability to move or even think for several minutes. He kisses his neck as he slowly regains control over his body. He realizes that he has one hand entwined with Castiel’s and has no idea when that happened, but squeezes it anyway, hoping to communicate he’s coming back to life slowly.

Finally, he pushes himself up on his elbows again, somewhat shakily, and smiles when he sees the soft smile on Castiel’s lips. He can’t help but lean into kiss them, finally touching Castiel’s face the way he wanted to earlier. “I love you, Cas.”

“I love you, too,” Castiel says, laying his hand on top of Dean’s.

Dean leans into the touch and pecks him once more before before he pulls his softening cock out of his boyfriend. “I’ll go get you a cloth,” he says before he pads to the bathroom and cleans himself up quickly. He hurries back to Castiel and wipes the cum off of his stomach, placing a kiss to his now clean tummy, and cleans between his legs gently. He leaves the cloth on the floor next to the bed and lays on his side facing Cas. Their legs slot together, their arms wind around each other, their eyes meet… and then they’re kissing all over again, lazy and slow, basking in the afterglow. Both of them are sleepy and fucked out, but neither of them seem to want to stop touching the other. Dean finds his hand brushing Castiel’s hair off of his forehead, then his lips are there, too. And on his eyes, and his nose, and his cheeks, and his heart is suddenly so full he doesn’t know how he’s ever managed to live so long without feeling like this.

“Thank you,” Dean says quietly, backing away enough so that he can look Cas in the eyes again. “Thank you for trusting me. For letting me in. For bein’ the first person who’s ever loved me. Just, thank you, you know. For all of it.”

“I - I think you’re the first person who’s ever really loved me, too. What we just did? I honestly didn’t even know it could be like that. You were so gentle. So loving. It was perfect, Dean. Everything I’ve ever wanted.”

“It was perfect,” Dean agrees.

“I wish...” Castiel pauses and looks down at Dean’s chest before he keeps going, a new blush making its way across his chest. “I wish it was only ever you. If I had waited, chosen better...”

“I know what you’re sayin’, and I get it, but if it was only ever me then there would be no Claire,” Dean finishes for him, softly but firmly. “I hate that you went through everything you had to to get you here with me right now, but I don’t know if we ever woulda made it here without all that other stuff.”

Castiel nods his agreement. He looks up to meet Dean’s gaze again and replies, “None of it seems like it matters anymore if it led me to you. I’d take it all over again just to have this.”

It’s Dean’s turn to look away to try to shield himself from all of the emotions that are racing through him right now. He really doesn’t want to cry. “I, uh, don’t know that I’m worth all that, but I know what you mean, and I’m... I’m just really happy we have each other.” Castiel hums his agreement, and a smile spreads on Dean’s face as he realizes something. “Ya know, I think this might be the happiest I’ve ever been.”

Castiel kisses his cheek. “Good. How do you feel about watching _Friends_ reruns and me holding you until we pass out?”

“Sounds pretty freakin’ perfect,” Dean smiles. Castiel gets up and walks towards his closet to grab them each a pair of pajama pants, then stops midway back with a funny look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Dean asks him.

“My ass doesn’t hurt,” Castiel realizes.

“Gee, thanks a lot,” Dean answers dryly.

“No!” Castiel laughs, throwing his pjs at him playfully. “You know what I meant.”

“I know,” Dean grins. “I’m glad.”

He gets to his feet to pull on his pajamas and then grabs some of the pillows off the floor for them to lay back against while they watch TV.

“I _really_ liked having sex with you,” Castiel comments.

Dean turns to aim a cheesy smile at him, “I’ll say it again: I’m glad.”

“You wouldn’t have any objections to doing it again?”

“Not a single one,” Dean laughs, waiting for Cas to get in bed. “But I hate to break it to you: I don’t think I’m gonna get it up again tonight. Not even for you.”

Castiel settles in with a chuckle and Dean leans back against him, snuggling into the arm Castiel drapes around his shoulder. “I don’t think I’ve ever sex three times in one day before,” Castiel admits.

“Not bad for a couple of guys in their mid-twenties with a one year old hanging around and cramping our style,” Dean comments, more than a little proud of himself for today.

“You know we’re fucked when she stops napping, though, right?”

“Don’t ruin the moment, Cas,” Dean says with a sigh, and Castiel laughs before he kisses him on the temple. Castiel turns on the TV and starts up Netflix to watch Friends. “Hey, uh, when _do_ kids stop napping?”

Castiel chuckles. “All kids are different. But based on how well Claire naps, there’s potential there for her to nap once a day until she starts kindergarten.”

“Yeah, let’s push for that.”

“Parenting goals,” Castiel jokes.

Then their episode starts, and they lose themselves in the show, laughing loudly several times. It’s almost eleven when they turn off the TV again. Cas checks on Claire quickly and finds her still cool as a cucumber, so they brush their teeth and climb back into bed together.

“Remember, I’m on baby duty in the morning,” Dean tells Cas.

“What if she’s still got the runs?”

Dean recoils at the thought. “Then I’ll owe you one?” he asks timidly and Castiel snickers even as he winds himself around Dean.

They exchange goodnights and I love yous, and fall asleep together quickly after one hell of a day.

Dean wakes up sometime later and scooches closer to Cas, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. There’s a minute or two while he tries to fall back asleep without knowing what woke him, until he hears a soft whining coming from what must be Claire. He rolls away from Castiel and goes to check on her.

She’s still laying down in her crib but her head lifts up when she sees him. She sits up and signs _help_.

Dean reaches out to touch her forehead, thinking she must have a fever since he doesn’t smell a dirty diaper, but she’s still normal temperature.

“Did you have a bad dream, blondie?” he asks her.

 _Help,_  she signs again.

“You need help?” he asks pointlessly. Obviously she does, he just doesn’t know with what.

“Uh,” she says, holding her arms up in the air. Well, who is Dean to deny her? So he picks her up and she drops her head onto his shoulder right away. He rubs her back and goes to walk over to the rocking chair when he kicks something. Once he hears the chime he realizes it’s her bunny. “Oh, Claire, did you drop your bunny outta the crib?” he says, realizing now what she needed help with. He bends over to grab it and once he’s upright again, Claire sits herself up to sign _please_.

Dean hands it to her and she tucks it under her arm and lays back down on his shoulder.

“Okay, buddy, you got your bunny, now it’s time to go back to sleep,” he tells her. She burrows in even closer and he knows he’s screwed. Not only does she not want him to put her down, he’s kinda digging the middle of the night sleepy snuggles, too, and he doesn’t really want to put her down either. It’s somehow more precious than normal, holding her in the quiet of the middle of the night with his chest bare and both of their bodies still warm from sleep. He feels like he belongs here with her and by the way she’s just accepted him instead of her dad in the middle of the night makes him hope that she might think the same thing.

He takes a seat in the rocking chair and begins rocking her slowly. She doesn’t move, but he can tell she isn’t sleeping yet. He remembers back to when she woke up that one time he was here and how Castiel sang her back to sleep.

He tries to think of something to sing to her, and the first thing that comes to mind is the first song he ever heard that reminded him of her. He makes sure his voice comes out softly when he starts singing.

 _She's got a smile it seems to me_  
_Reminds me of childhood memories_  
_Where everything_  
_Was as fresh as the bright blue sky_  
_Now and then when I see her face_  
_She takes me away to that special place_  
_And if I'd stare too long_  
_I'd probably break down and cry_

He notices that her arm is starting to go lax on her bunny, so he gets to his feet carefully and lays her back down in her crib while he keeps singing.

 _Oh, oh, oh_  
_Sweet child o' mine_  
_Oh, oh, oh, oh_  
_Sweet love of mine_

She picks her head back up once he lays her down, so he places his hand on her back and rubs it up and down soothingly as he sings the next verse.

 _She's got eyes of the bluest skies_  
_As if they thought of rain_  
_I hate to look into those eyes_  
_And see an ounce of pain_

Her eyes droop closed again but he finishes the next verse just to make sure she’s really out before he tries to go back to bed.

 _Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place_  
_Where as a child I'd hide_  
_And pray for the thunder_  
_And the rain_  
_To quietly pass me by_

She’s out now, and he knows she can’t hear him, but he loves her so much and can’t possibly stop without singing, _oh, oh, oh,_ _sweet child of mine_ , one more time before he leaves the room. He loves her like she’s his, and even if it might not be wise to admit that out loud just yet, it’s there anyway and there’s no sense denying it to himself. There isn’t anything he wouldn’t do for her.

He uses the bathroom since he’s up, and then crawls back into bed behind Castiel.

It startles him when he hears Castiel say, “Thank you for taking care of her for me.”

He didn’t know he was awake. “Anytime,” he says, meaning it.

“Does she have another fever?” Castiel asks, rolling over to face him. Dean pushes his hair off of his forehead for him and plants a quick kiss there.

“No, just dropped her bunny, then didn’t want to go back in her crib.”

Castiel makes a small sound of understanding in his throat. “I could hear you singing to her. It’s exactly what I would’ve done.” He wiggles forwards until he’s laying on Dean’s shoulder. Dean wraps his arms around him happily and rests his face on Castiel’s soft hair. “Thank you for being so good with her, and so good to me.” Dean feels lips brush against his collarbone and wonders if he’s ever felt a sense of _belonging_ the way he does right now. “I’ll get her if she wakes up again,” Castiel promises.

“I love you. Night, Cas.”

“Goodnight, Dean.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is probably a good time to remind you that this story has an archive warning for graphic depictions of violence just in case that's a trigger for you... AND to remind you that there's a happy ending and no character death in this story.
> 
> Please remember your trust in me while reading this. It's going to be okay.

Sunday starts bright and early for Dean. He gets woken up by the sound of Claire calling for him and Cas just before seven, but since she isn't crying, he lingers for just a few minutes more in bed pressed up against Castiel’s back. He lets himself pout about how they’ll probably never get to have sleepy morning sex unless they wake up at the ass crack of dawn, but once he’s up and out of bed, looking down at the big smile he gets from Claire, he forgets all about it.

He gets her diaper changed and pulls out a tiny pair of stretchy jeans and an Elmo t-shirt to dress her in, knowing that they’ll be going out for breakfast soon. Then he gets her milk and a snack cup full of dry Cheerios to keep her quiet while he makes himself a cup of coffee, and the two of them hang out in the living room until Cas wakes up around eight-thirty.

Cas comes out of the bedroom already dressed in an old pair of jeans and a hoodie, so Dean stops for a quick kiss as he passes him in the hallway. Knowing their routine is to shower together later when Claire is napping, he goes to get himself dressed while Cas gets Claire’s shoes on, and it's only a few minutes later when the three of them are walking out the door and down the hall holding hands. They’re a little ways into a Claire-paced walk when Dean thinks about checking in with Charlie. He reaches for his phone in his pocket and doesn’t find it. After a quick review of his morning he realizes he never grabbed it off the nightstand when he went to get Claire.

“Shi-oot, I left my phone on the charger,” he says, remembering to correct his curse halfway through. As the owner of a business, he never really knows when he could get a phone call, so he likes to have it on him. “I gotta go back and grab it.”

“Okay, we’ll wait for you,” Castiel says with a smile, handing Dean his keys.

 _Eat_ , Claire signs.

“Nah, go ahead, I can catch up. She walks pretty slow anyway.”

Castiel nods. “I’ll hold her off as long as I can, and if you don’t catch up, I’ll see you there.”

As he turns back towards the apartment he can hear Cas say, “Hey Claire Bear, check out the pretty flowers over there. Want to pick one for Dean?”

He’s smiling at the idea of Claire picking him flowers as he goes back inside and grabs his phone. Shoving it in his pocket, he hurries back down the stairs to catch up with Cas and Claire. He’s barely through the main door to the building and turning towards where he last saw Cas and Claire when he’s suddenly shoved roughly from behind. He stumbles a few steps, bent almost completely at the waist as he tries to regain his balance, and just barely manages to stay on his feet.

He whirls around to see Ketch standing there in another fancy suit, and he’s not alone. There’s a little dude behind him with dark hair. Dean takes a few steps back and turns to see if Cas is within eyesight, only to see another blonde guy standing in his path with his arms crossed, and Cas and Claire long gone.

“What the fuck,” Dean says more to himself than anyone, knowing this whole situation is screaming bad news.

“A pleasure to see you again, Dean,” Ketch says, smirking.

“Yeah, can’t exactly say the same. What the hell are you doing here?”

“I have a date with Castiel,” Ketch answers.

Dean can’t help but laugh at the stupidity of Ketch’s statement. At the same time, relief floods him because thankfully Cas isn’t here to deal with this shit, and he wouldn't want it any other way. “The fuck you do. Try again, psycho.”

Ketch’s jaw tightens and Dean figures that’s a bit of a sore spot for him. Good to know.

"Mmm yes, I suppose the word does fit according to you, doesn’t it? Crazy ex-husband, you said, yes?” Ketch asks taking another step towards Dean.

Dean’s blood runs cold when he realizes Ketch has somehow read his text messages. He doesn’t know enough about technology to know how that’s possible, but he knows he only called Ketch a crazy ex-husband to Benny and it was in a text. Considering he’s both surrounded and outnumbered, he decides to try to bluff his way out of it.

“I dunno what you mean, man. I mean, the title fits, sure. But I don’t exactly spend a lotta time talkin’ about you. Been kinda _busy_ , you know,” he says with a wink. Something flashes in Ketch’s eyes and he takes another menacing step towards him as Dean backs up again. _Okay, so baiting him probably wasn’t the brightest idea,_ he thinks as he tries to figure out a way to stall. “Gonna introduce me to your friends?”

“Where _are_ my manners? Do forgive me, Dean. This is Renny,” Ketch says, gesturing to the blonde guy first, then to the smaller guy behind him, “and Mick.”

Dean scowls at the name before he can remember not to.

“Heard of me, have you?” Mick says with a too-bright smile.

“I’d say it’s nice to meet you, but that’d be a damn lie,” Dean replies. He claps his hands together and says, “Well, thanks for the chat. Maybe we can get some tea and crumpets some other time. People to see, places to go!”

“Oh, I don’t think you’re going anywhere,” Ketch replies, taking several steps towards him, grinding his fist into his palm in an obvious threat, with Mick and Renny moving in to surround him. “I believe I made a promise to my husband to show him who the better man is.”

Dean snorts even as he feels fear beginning to kick in. “ _Ex-husband._ And if you’re such a tough guy, why’d you have to bring two buddies with you for backup, huh?” Ketch actually snarls and still, Dean doesn’t seem to be able to shut up. It’s a problem, apparently. “I knew you were stupid, and I knew you were psycho, but I had no idea you were such a fucking pussy.”

Ketch’s fist comes flying at him out of nowhere and Dean takes it straight to the jaw, not even managing to get a hand up in front of him fast enough to try to block it. Thankfully, the dude doesn’t know how to throw a punch for shit, and while he knows he’s definitely gonna have a mark there, he stays on his feet and reacts fast enough to hit him back - a left hook to the nose and an upper cut to the side of his face - before the other two guys have him by his arms.

He struggles against them while Ketch wipes the blood away from his nose. Even though Dean knows he’s obviously about to get his ass kicked, he still can’t find it in him to keep his mouth shut. “Aw, no. That’s gonna stain that fancy shirt of yours. Bet it’s expensive, too.”

“No matter. As you might well know, I have plenty of experience getting blood out of fabric.”

“You son of a bitch,” Dean growls at him. His rage sends a burst of adrenaline through his body and he manages to get his right arm free, elbowing Renny straight in the face and shoving Mick back hard enough that he falls flat on his ass before Dean’s on Ketch.

He isn’t even thinking about any kind of strategy, he just wants to cause the mother fucker as much pain as he possibly can. He grabs him by his throat and barely registers the skin breaking on his knuckles as he pulls his fist back and punches him square in the face again and again. Ketch doubles over and he pulls him forwards and drives his knee hard into his stomach.

He rears back to hit him again but he’s stopped by hands grabbing at his body. He tries to fight them off, but he’s outnumbered, and he’s restrained again in seconds. This time he’s pushed back roughly until he’s slammed against the corner of the apartment building, which also keeps him out of view from anybody approaching from the direction of the parking lot.

He can feel his knuckles throbbing now as he tries to catch his breath and looks around wildly for something or somebody to help him.

“Dean Winchester,” Ketch says slowly, one syllable at a time, before he spits a mouthful of blood into his face. Dean flinches but opens his eyes again to stare down the fucker. He might be about to get his ass handed to him, but he isn’t gonna do it whining and crying. “Who knew such a _simple_ man would be the bane of my existence. If you had just fallen for any one of my little tricks, we wouldn’t be here, you know.”

“You _really_ like hearing yourself talk, don’t you?” Dean asks him, attempting to hide his fear behind his bluster.

“It’s unfortunate for you that your past had to be so squeaky clean. Yes, planting a needle and paying a prostitute wouldn’t work to get rid of _you_ , now would it?”

The pieces click into place and Dean struggles against the guys holding him again. “You sick fuck! He was supposed to be taking care of _a baby_ when you gave him those drugs, you fucking moron!” Dean yells at him. “She was crying in her crib _for hours!_ If Cas didn’t come back when he did -”

“Yes, yes, some sacrifices had to be made. It’s all very tragic, I know. I hear the poor bastard girl still isn’t talking. There might even be lasting damage,” Ketch says with a laugh, his friends joining in. Dean knows for a fact he’s never been as angry as he is in this moment.

His voice is shaking with fury when he says, “I’m gonna kill you. _I swear to god_ I’m gonna kill you.”

“You’ve really got that sexy smolder down, don’t you, Dean?” Ketch says, raking his eyes up and down his body lewdly. “It’s unfortunate for you that your looks aren’t going to get you out of this one.” Ketch’s voice changes from amused and teasing to deadly cold and scary in a single breath as he gets right in Dean’s face. “You think you can insult me, fuck my husband, _and_ try to get me fired? No, I don't think so. It’s time to show you what happens when men like you mess with men like me.”

And then all Dean can feel is pain.

He’s hit over and over: his face, his ribs, his stomach, his groin. His head gets knocked back into the brick hard enough he feels the world tilt. Ketch starts insulting him after he hits him each time and Dean can only just hear him over the ringing in his ears. “Not so pretty now, are you Dean? Let’s see how he likes you if you can’t even look at him.” He gets a jab to the eye. “With blood all over those lips he likes so much.” He can actually _feel_ the skin on his lip split open as he gets a fist to his mouth. “Not so pretty now, are you Dean?” He’s pummeled again and again until the only thing holding him up is the hands on either side of him. Warm blood runs down the side of his head, streaming down his face, and he can taste it filling his mouth.

“That’s enough, mate. You don’t want to finish him off!” Dean hears one of Ketch’s goons say. He thinks he feels his arm slip free but he doesn’t have the energy to do anything about it.

And still the hits don’t stop coming.

Ketch is going to beat him to death.

This is how it ends.

He lets go of the pain the best he can and tries to think about happy things. He pictures Cas’s blue eyes looking up at him, his big gummy smile, and the way it feels to fall asleep wrapped around him. He thinks about Claire - how he really wanted to figure out ponytails for her, and how much he wanted to hear her say she loves him some day. He wishes he would’ve kissed them both goodbye before he ran upstairs and curses himself for not taking the time to do it. He thinks about the way his mom always kisses him on the cheek, how nobody makes him laugh like Sam does, how much he loves flirting with Jess, and how Bentley always screams his name when he sees him. He thinks about his friends - hopes Charlie and Cas stay close - about all the things he’ll never get to do, how he’ll never get married or have that house and a ride-on lawn mower with Cas... and he feels himself slip away from consciousness a little bit more with each blow.

He’s so far gone that he barely notices when the hits stop coming until he hears distantly, “Hey! _Hey_! Get off of him! That’s _enough_! Call 911!”

The hands holding him up disappear and he crumples to the ground with a pitiful groan he can’t manage to keep in.

“Hey man, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. The ambulance is on it’s way, okay?” a voice says to him. Dean blinks his eyes and looks up to see a man he vaguely recognizes as a guy who lives in the building. “Dean Winchester, right? From the gym? You got somebody I can call? What’s your boyfriend’s name, huh? The guy with the kid? You got a phone on you, buddy?”

“P-pocket,” Dean says, but it comes out in a garbled mess. He can feel his lips and the inside of his cheeks swelling, his tongue feels like it’s way too big for his mouth, and one of his eyes won’t open.

He jumps when he feels the guy’s hands on his body and hears him give a warning. “It’s alright. Just getting the phone, okay? I’m not going to hurt you.” He digs it out of Dean’s pocket and grabs his hand, using his thumb to unlock the screen. “What’s your boyfriend’s name, Dean?”

Dean wants to answer him but he can’t make his mouth work. He can hear the sirens coming and he wishes desperately they’d just get here already. He needs something for the pain. Everything hurts so damn bad he can't even think straight. “Benny? Charlie? Cas-teel?” the guy asks scrolling through his phone.

Dean starts choking on the blood running down his throat, and coughs for a couple of minutes trying to clear it out. The pain in his torso is almost blinding him as he spits blood out onto the ground before he manages to get out, “C-Cas.”

“Cas-teel? Okay, I’m gonna call hm, okay? You’re gonna be okay. Stay awake for me. You hear that? The ambulance is almost here and you need to be awake when they get here, okay?” Dean leaves his eyes closed as he listens to the man talk to Cas on the phone. He knows he’s going to be so scared and wishes there was something he could do to tell him not to freak out.

“Uh, hello there. Cas-teel? This is Garth, I’m your neighbor from across the hall. Your boyfriend Dean’s been beaten up right outside the apartment building. Hey! Hey, relax, buddy. He’s okay! I mean, he’s bleeding pretty bad and his face isn’t looking so good, but he’s conscious and everything -  no, listen. I called an ambulance already and it sounds like they’re almost here. Five minutes? I don’t know if he’ll still be here but I’ll wait right here to let you know what hospital he’s being brought to. Yeah. Okay. He’s okay. Don’t panic. Okay, bye.” Then the guy sounds close to him again and he says, “Castiel is on his way, pal. Oh, look, the ambulance just pulled in. You did real good, Dean.”

It’s only seconds later before he hears the pounding of feet on the pavement followed by the wheels of what he knows must be a stretcher.

“Hey man, can you tell us what your name is?” somebody asks him.

“Dean,” he answers, grimacing at the pain that comes with moving his face.

“Okay, Dean, we’re gonna lift you onto the stretcher, okay? Just let your body relax and we’ll get you up.”

He feels pain explode seemingly everywhere at once while he’s moved onto the stretcher. Several things happen all very quickly. His neck’s secured with a brace so he can’t move his head, something clamps down on his finger, he gets a mask over his mouth and nose, and his chest and legs are strapped down, too. The EMTs are explaining everything they’re doing but it’s all drifting in and out as Dean does everything he can to stay awake.

The cart they’ve got him on starts moving when he hears Claire crying, and his name screamed.

“ _DEAN!"_

Instinctively, he turns towards the sound, tries to sit up to get to Cas - because that’s gotta be Cas who’s calling his name like that - but he’s strapped down and there are hands restraining him, too.

“Cas!” Dean calls back to him, reaching out for him. “My b-boyfriend - I need -” Dean tries to explain.

“Okay, I got you. I hear you,” the EMT tells him. “Sir?”

“That’s my partner! I need to come with you, _please_!” Dean can hear Castiel plead. “Dean! Are you okay? Is he okay? CAN ANYBODY TELL ME -?” Castiel’s shouting now and his voice is almost hysterical in a way he’s never heard it before.

“Sir!” somebody shouts at him.

Dean can feel what must be Castiel’s hand take his. He wants to see him. To make sure he’s okay and see why Claire’s crying but he can’t move his head.

“Cas,” he gasps.

“Sir? I need you to calm down. He’s stable. He’s going to be okay, but you can’t come in the ambulance with the baby, sir. Is there somebody who can watch her?”

“N-no,” Castiel responds shakily, “But he needs me! He shouldn’t be alone! Oh my god look at him,” he finishes so quietly he can barely hear him.

Dean squeezes his hand, his eyes filling with tears at hearing just how upset Cas is and how hard Claire’s crying.

“It isn’t safe here for your daughter, sir, and you need to get her calmed down. We’re taking him to St. Joseph’s, and we’ll make sure you’re on his file as his family so you can come sit with him if that’s what he wants, okay?”

“Yes - yes - need -” Dean tries to say.

“I hear you, Dean. Your boyfriend’s going to come meet you at the hospital. We really need to get you moving now.”

“Dean - Dean I’ll be there as soon as I can. I love you. I’ll be right there, I swear,” Castiel repeats and Dean can hear how he’s still crying just based on the sound of his voice.

“‘M okay. Love you. H-help Claire,” he stutters, squeezing his hand again to try to show Cas he’s okay.

“Let’s go,” the EMT says again. Dean feels Castiel’s hand slip out of his reluctantly and the last thing he hears before the sirens start up again is Claire’s continued crying, loud and pitiful. It hurts as much as all of his injuries put together.

There’s a sharp pain in his arm and then everything kind of blurs for the next little while. His eyes droop closed but they’re forced open often with a light shining in them. He hears a lot of beeping, several people calling his name and several more asking him questions that hurt to answer. He goes for tests, gets pushed through one tube after another, and then finally, he’s allowed to fall into what he can only assume is a drug-induced sleep.

The first time he opens his eyes voluntarily - well, eye, since the one is still not ready to open, apparently - it’s to a doctor standing over him, but he can smell a tiny hint of honey and he knows Castiel must be there. “Cas?” Dean asks desperately, and then Cas steps into his line of vision. He realizes he must have been holding his hand because he feels him squeeze it through a bunch of bandages as the tears start rolling down Castiel’s face.

“Oh, Dean,” he gasps, covering his mouth with one hand as his shoulders shake with sobs.

“‘M fine,” Dean rasps. “Don’t feel too bad now.” His speech still comes out slightly garbled and he has no idea if Cas can understand what he’s saying.

Castiel chokes out a laugh and exchanges a look with the doctor while he wipes at his face. “Even on his hospital bed he’s trying to tell me he’s fine,” he says to the doctor.

“I’ve had my share of patients just like him, but none quite so lucky.”

Dean’s eyes flick to the doctor. _Lucky?_ he thinks bitterly. He just got his ass kicked.

“Yes, lucky,” Castiel says firmly, as if he can read his mind.

“You’ve got two split lips, and a patch we want you to wear on your right eye for twelve hours just to be safe,” the doctor begins explaining.

“Like a pirate,” Dean says, looking at Cas. He can’t stop looking at Cas. He thought he might never see him again. But Dean’s joke just makes Cas laugh-sob again and Dean squeezes his hand, wondering if he’s allowed to hug him. If he’s even able to.

“If that makes you feel better,” the doctor laughs before he continues. “You got a dozen stitches on your forehead, and you have another concussion.” Dean groans. “But only a mild one, this time, though you should be cautious there because of the recent trauma. You also have some bruised ribs that are going to cause you quite a bit of pain over the next little while, but _luckily_ , you have no broken bones.”

“Dude couldn’t punch for shit,” Dean explains, and this time the doctor laughs but he notices Castiel doesn’t.

“We’re keeping you overnight to keep an eye on you and monitor your pain level, and since you seemed to like it so much, we’ll be waking you up several times to check on you. But if all goes well, and I think it will, you’ll be free to go tomorrow morning.” Dean turns carefully to the side to check on Cas. “Your partner has already charmed a nurse into bringing him a cot to stay here with you tonight. It’s technically against hospital policy, so if anybody asks, I don’t know anything.” The doctor gives him a pat on the shoulder and says, “I’ll be back to check everything over again before I leave tonight, Dean.”

“Thanks Doc,” Dean answers. He waits for the door to close behind him before he turns back to Cas. He doesn’t know if it’s just because he was pretty sure for a few minutes there that he was never going to see him again or what, but he’s about twice as gorgeous as he remembers him being. After several minutes of them just looking at each other, he remembers to ask, “Where’s Claire? She okay now?”

Castiel huffs out a watery breath. “Leave it to you to be thinking about somebody else right now. She's fine. She was okay once we got away from the sirens and the flashing lights. It was just a little overwhelming for her, I think. She’s with Jess and Bentley at my apartment for the day.”

Dean shakes his head. “No, Cas. You don’t need to stay here. Claire needs you.”

“You need me, too,” Castiel says, taking his hand and bringing it up to his lips. “Stop worrying about everybody else for once and let me take care of you. I want to be here with you.”

The last thing he wants is for Cas to leave, but he remembers Claire and forces himself to say, “I’ll be fine with my mom or Sam.”

“I’m still not leaving, but they’re both in the hall,” Castiel says somewhat sheepishly. “The nurse said only one person could come in until you woke up and I argued with your mom over who got to come in here. The only reason I won - and let me say that I still _barely_ won - is because of what you told the paramedic on the stretcher. He vouched for me.”

Dean smiles at the idea of Cas going toe to toe with his mom and actually winning, but then winces when it pulls on his split lips.

“Dean - Dean, I’m so, so sorry,” Castiel whispers, sounding absolutely wrecked. Dean’s about to tell him he doesn’t have to be sorry when he keeps talking. “This is all my fault. If it wasn’t for me you never would have been hurt like this. If I didn’t goad him into making him feel like he had to prove that he was better than you... if I had just made Claire wait to walk the rest of the way to the restaurant you wouldn't have been alone and this never would have happened to you. I love you so much and it’s all my fault that you’re in this much pain. I’m - I’m _so_ sorry, Dean.”

Dean shakes his head back and forth. “No. Not your fault. Ketch is batshit.”

“They got him,” Castiel says with a soft smile. “Garth IDed him. The camera at the apartment building wasn’t working for some reason, but Jody tapped into the one across the street. They got his motorcycle coming and going, and when they went to question him, his bloody fists did enough talking for them to bring him in. Though Mick turning on him to save himself was a nice bonus.”

“Little guy?” Dean asks, and Castiel nods.

“Jody’s going to be in with some questions later, but I convinced her to give us all a few hours.”

“What would I do without you?” Dean asks sleepily.

“Not be in this hospital bed,” Castiel answers sadly.

Dean shakes his head in disagreement again. “Can you lay with me?”

Castiel exhales on a sad sounding laugh. “I don’t think we’re going to fit. And I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m all doped up. Please, Cas. I need you to... I just need to be close to you. Please?”

He shuffles over the best he can, wanting to die a little when he feels his ribs scream at him, but keeping a straight face to hide the pain. Castiel sighs but gets onto the very edge of the bed extremely slowly and Dean moves his arm so Cas can rest his head on his shoulder and his hand on his chest.

“Am I hurting you?” Castiel asks him.

“Nah.” Apparently he does have a body part or two that don’t hurt. His eyes are already drooping closed, the scent of honey and Cas and home overtaking the sterile smell of the hospital, and he slurs, “Makin’ me feel safe.”

“Nobody’s ever going to hurt you again, Dean. I swear. Rest, okay? I’ll watch over you.”

Dean would be smiling if he could. “Love you.”

“I love you. So much.”

And then Dean is out like a light.

When he wakes up again, Castiel isn’t in the hospital bed with him. He’s sitting in a chair next to him with his phone in one hand and his other hand holding his.

“You moved,” Dean complains, wincing at the pain in his mouth.

Castiel jumps a little before he answers him. “I’m sorry, but I’m not pumped full of pain medication making me sleepy like you are. How are you feeling?”

“Like I got my ass kicked,” Dean replies wryly. “Thirsty.”

“I’ll get you some water,” Castiel says, quickly getting to his feet. “Are you up for your mom and Sam coming in?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, we’ll be right back then,” he promises.

“I’ll be right here,” Dean jokes.

Castiel sends him a fond look over his shoulder before he leaves the room. Dean sighs heavily and tries to fight the building sense of panic inside of him at the thought of Cas leaving his sight. It’s ridiculous.

He’s in the hospital.

He’s fine.

But then why is his heart racing so fast?

He tries to distract himself by taking inventory of his injuries. His limbs are a little heavy from the drugs, and while he isn’t in a ton of pain like he was when he was waiting for the ambulance, he really does feel like shit. He looks around for the button to move the bed into a sitting position, and when he finds it on the bed beside him, he lets the bed maneuver him until he’s sitting up.

The doctor was right. His ribs hurt like hell, but he doesn’t want to stay laying down so he’s gonna have to deal. He lifts his hands to check out the bandages there and wonders how long those have to stay on. Then he brings his hands gingerly to his face. His cheeks feel huge, his lips are definitely cut, although not currently bleeding, and he moves his fingers up to find the stitches on his temple. Huh. Wonder if that’s gonna scar. He runs his tongue around the inside of his mouth and his stomach rolls when he feels chunks missing from the inside of his cheeks. That’s fucking disgusting.

It occurs to him suddenly that he probably looks like absolute shit. He knows Cas cares about him for more than what he looks like, but he hears Ketch in his head taunting him, _Not so pretty now_ and swallows thickly. He’s never really cared about how he looks, but maybe that’s because he never really had to. Now that he has somebody he actually likes looking good for, he probably looks like shit ran over twice. And more than that, it’s likely gonna be a while before he looks anything like himself again, and probably just as long before he can go anywhere without looking like he lost a bar fight.

It doesn’t matter, he thinks with a heavy sigh, not at all believing it. Think of the positives.

Ketch is in jail. He’s not going to be able to hurt Cas, Claire, or him anymore, and that’s worth the broken face right there.

He looks at the door, wondering why Cas isn’t back yet, and tries to tell himself not to worry. It’s probably only been a couple of minutes, even though it feels like it’s been a lot longer. His palms are kinda sweaty though, and his heart still feels like it’s pounding too hard to be normal.

He shakes his head, trying to will it all away.

Ketch is locked up, so he has no reason to feel nervous about being alone in the room. Not only because he’s in a hospital, but also because Ketch was the only one who hated him enough to gang up on him three to one.

Though he’s gotta admit, Ketch was smart to do it that way. He knows it isn’t his ego talking when he thinks he would’ve won a fair fight between them. As it is, he got a couple of good hits in. He knows he’s gonna be remembering the crunch of bone in that fucker’s face for a long, long time.

Castiel comes back through the door with Mary and Sam trailing behind him and he instantly feels a hell of a lot lighter. Until he sees his mom’s face. He tries to act like he doesn’t care when his mom gasps as she gets her first look at him, and how Sam balks and then tries to rearrange his features into a calm expression.

“Guess I look like shit, huh?” Dean says miserably.

“Dammit, Dean. I bet mom ten bucks the first thing out of your mouth would be, _You should see the other guy_ ,” Sam says with a too-bright, obviously fake smile.

“I blame the drugs,” he answers. He sees his mom trying to hide her tearful smile and holds out a hand to her. “C’mere, ma,” he asks her. She comes willingly and he pulls her into a gentle hug.

“Oh, sweetie,” she sighs. “I’m so glad you weren’t hurt worse.” She holds on for another couple of seconds before she pulls back and cups his cheeks gently. “Look at your poor face,” she sighs unhappily.

Dean’s eyes flick to Cas quickly, wondering if he cares about what his face looks like, but Cas is just looking at him with the same soft look in his eyes he always has when he looks at him, so he answers his mom with a joke. “Figured Sam deserved a chance to be the best looking Winchester for once.”

“Screw you,” Sam answers quickly, smiling at him genuinely now. “I’m always the better looking Winchester. But what the hell _happened,_ Dean?” he asks.

“I think we’d all like to hear that,” his mom comments.

Castiel hands him a styrofoam cup full of ice water with a straw sticking out of it and Dean sips carefully, not at all surprised when it tastes more like watered down blood than anything, but loving the way it moistens his lips anyway. He reaches to put the cup down on the side table but Castiel takes it from his hand before he can. “Thanks,” he tells him. “Well, I came outta the building and got pushed from behind. Saw the three guys surrounding me and knew I was in for it. Ketch talked shit about me, tried to make me think he was there to take Cas on a date, then punched me after I called him a pussy.”

“You - you still called him names even though you were outnumbered three to one?” Sam asks him.

“‘Course I did. I knew he was there to hurt me. Had to at least get a word in, you know?” Both Sam and his mom shake their heads at him in disbelief but he keeps going. “But he couldn’t throw a decent punch. So even though he got me first, I punched him back a couple of times before his buddies grabbed me and held me back. Then he said something really shitty about Cas and I got _pissed_. Somehow I got away from his buddies, and beat the crap out of him again, almost dropped him. Then they got me again, held me against the wall, and Ketch just wailed on me. Kept..." He has to stop to take a breath before he can keep going. "Kept saying shit about how Cas wasn’t gonna like me anymore after he fucked up my face,” he admits, looking down at his hands again. “Then the neighbor came and said he called the cops, and I guess Ketch and his buddies bailed. The neighbor took my phone and called Cas, and you guys probably know the rest.” He looks for his water again and hasn’t even made a move for it before Cas hands it back to him.

“How did he know to call Castiel?” Sam asks.

“Said he saw us together. Asked me who the guy with the baby is. I couldn’t really talk ‘cause of my mouth was pretty much filled with blood but he went through my contacts ‘til I told him which one was the right name.”

“Thank God he came when he did,” his mom comments. “If he hadn’t...”

“Yeah. I think it was the little guy - Mick - who was telling Ketch to stop, that he was gonna kill me, but... he - he still didn’t stop,” Dean admits, hoping he doesn’t sound as obviously upset as he feels.

His mom covers her mouth again and he sees Castiel run his hands through his hair, looking distraught. 

“Guess we need to buy Garth a fruit basket or something,” Sam manages to say, though his voice sounds weird.

“Yeah,” Dean agrees quietly. There’s a few seconds of heavy silence where Dean can do nothing but look down at his lap. Finally, his mom breaks it.

“Are you in a lot of pain, sweetie?” she asks.

“My mouth and my ribs, mostly, and only when I move. I think everything else is covered by whatever’s pumping through me.”

“I still can’t believe he did this,” Castiel says, his first contribution to the conversation so far. “It doesn’t make any sense. What did he think was going to happen? He would beat you up and I’d go running back to him afterwards?”

“If he said all of that about you not liking Dean after he messed up his face, maybe he thought he would have a chance if Dean wasn’t in the picture,” Sam says.

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! I love Dean for who he is, not what he looks like!”

Dean feels relief wash through him and his breath comes out in a happy little sound without even meaning to. He barely notices that his mom and Sam are both a little slack jawed because his thoughts are interrupted by Cas.

“You - you weren’t _worried_ about that, were you?” Castiel asks, approaching the side of the bed where his mom is. Dean being unable to meet his eyes is obviously answer enough, because he hears Cas sigh heavily.

“Why don’t we go talk to the nurses and see if you’re allowed to eat anything? That sound good, Dean?” Mary asks him.

Dean realizes with a jolt that he hasn’t eaten anything since the night before. “That’d be great. Thanks mom.”

“I’ll, uh, go with her. To, you know, help. We’ll be back,” Sam says a little awkwardly, and then the two of them take off.

“Dean Winchester,” Castiel says sternly. “How could you possibly believe that I wouldn’t want to be with you anymore because of this?”

“Dunno,” he answers quietly. “Lots of reasons. I got my ass kicked. Not exactly proving that I could take care of you and Claire, you know? And... I guess maybe when something’s literally beaten into you you kinda take it at face value. I know I probably look -”

“- like an incredibly stubborn man who insisted on mouthing off to three men who had him cornered? Like the brave man who’s going to be responsible for putting Arthur in jail where he belongs and making sure he isn’t a danger to you, me, Claire, and anybody else for the foreseeable future?”

“Was gonna say like shit,” Dean admits with a bit of a smile.

“Dean, please look at me, sweetheart,” Castiel implores him. Dean waits until he feels like he can, then meets his eyes tentatively. “I don’t care if you look like this for the rest of your life - which you won’t. I would still love you. I still want to be with you.” He takes in a deep breath of air and it comes out on a shaky sob, completely taking Dean off guard. “God, Dean, if you knew how absolutely terrified I was when Garth called me. How I felt seeing you on that stretcher, not knowing if you were okay. I - I thought for a second that we might lose you,” he confesses, and Dean can see he’s fighting back tears again. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get the image of you strapped to that stretcher out of my head. Every time I close my eyes...” He gives his head a little shake before he keeps talking. “I just... I didn’t know what he did to you, or how badly you were hurt. All I knew when I saw you laying there was that you’re it for me. You’re the only thing in my life other than Claire that I need - that I can't imagine my life without - and now that I know you’re okay, I literally couldn’t care less what your face looks like or even if you’re permanently injured or half blind as long as you're still here with me. I just need you, Dean. I love you, and I don’t think I’m ever going to stop. And it’s imperative that you know that.”

“Yeah. Okay,” Dean whispers with a nod, his heart filling so fast he can barely even get words out. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up, though. He tells himself that Cas is just emotional because of seeing him on the stretcher. He’s all freaked out and talking in extremes and doesn’t really mean the things he’s saying. He doesn’t mean forever. His emotions will level out and he’ll realize he doesn’t mean it soon enough. Dean knows that. “Okay, honey. I’m sorry I scared you. I’m okay now. Even if my face looks like raw hamburger,” he tries to deflect.

“It doesn’t. Just a little puffy. I still think you’re gorgeous,” he promises, and Dean smiles a little bit even though it hurts. “Do you think I could kiss you, or is it going to hurt?”

“I don’t even care. Just kiss me, Cas,” Dean replies.

Castiel leans across the space between them and brushes his lips against Dean’s so gently he barely feels them. Dean pushes forward the tiny bit he needs to in order to really kiss him - and yeah, it hurts his lips pretty bad - but Castiel says, “Stay still,” and then positions his lips so that they aren’t touching where Dean’s lips are cut, and that’s so much better he groans with relief.

Cas lingers, kissing him softly over and over, making Dean feel human and alive for the first time since he woke up, and when Cas pulls away (far too soon) he says, “Promise me something, Dean?” Dean waits for the rest of the question. “Promise me you will never put yourself in danger like that ever again because of me.”

Dean snorts. “No.”

_“What?”_

“No. I told you before, I don’t make promises I can’t keep, and I’m gonna punch any dude that says what Ketch said about you and I don’t even feel bad about it. So no,” Dean repeats.

“I don’t need you to defend me!” Castiel argues.

“Yeah, but I’m still gonna try do it anyway ‘cause I love you.”

Castiel softens quickly. “You are an infuriating man.”

“Yeah, well.” Dean says with a tiny shrug of his shoulder. “Full disclosure: I’m gonna do the same thing for Claire. If I coulda got my hands on Ketch again, I probably would’ve killed him for what he said about her.”

“No you wouldn’t have. But I do appreciate the sentiment, whatever it was that he said.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Dean says quickly, not willing to repeat it. “But I do have to tell you something he told me about Will.” Castiel looks surprised at that and he nods his okay. “He said he planted that stuff, Cas. He gave Will the drugs and he made it sound like the guy he fucked was a prostitute or something. He set him up to get high and cheat on you... and he knew Claire was there.”

Castiel closes his eyes and exhales loudly. “I hate him. I hate him so much, Dean. I never knew I could feel this much anger inside of me, but god! I  _hate_ him!”

“I’m glad I got to punch him,” Dean admits. “But I, uh, thought I better tell you about Will in case you wanted to see him again or something.”

Castiel frowns. “Why would I want to see him?”

“Well, I dunno. You guys breaking up was Ketch’s fault. Maybe Will was clean all along and only tripped up because Ketch planted that stuff and the prostitute guy?”

“What difference does it make? He still chose to have sex with another man and put those needles into his arm with my baby in the next room. I don’t care if somebody planted the drugs,” Castiel says.

“I just don’t think it’s completely his fault,” Dean says again.

“The circumstances, no. But he still takes fault for the choice. Like you, for example. If somebody hired a prostitute and they came on to you, would it work?”

“You already know the answer to that,” Dean replies.

“My point exactly. I still don’t want anything to do with him, and now I don’t ever have to have anything to do with Arthur, either. We’re safe. All three of us. We don’t have to worry about where he’s going to show up next or what he’s planning on doing. It’s all over.”

Dean nods, letting the truth of his words sink in. He didn’t realize how much he had been carrying that worry around with him until right now.

“Now we just have to get me a mask to wear so I can go out in public,” Dean jokes.

“I was thinking a big pirate hat to go with the eye patch.”

“I would so wear that,” Dean agrees quickly. They both turn towards the door when they hear a knock.

“Okay for us to come back in?” Dean’s mom asks.

“Yeah, get in here. Did you bring me food?”

Mary holds up a pudding cup in her hand and Sam holds up Jello in his. “Best we could do,” she says.

“Only got away with this because mom distracted the nurse with questions so I could grab these off the cart,” Sam says, high fiving his mom.

“I’ll take ‘em.” He goes for the pudding first after his mom rips off the top and hands it to him. Apparently he’s being babied. He takes a bite and grimaces as it goes down. “Mmm. Blood flavored pudding.”

“Sorry, honey,” his mom says.

“Not your fault.”

“Have you heard from Jess recently?” Cas asks Sam.

“Yep, just talked to her. Bentley and Claire are having a ball with a train track, by the sounds of it. She said Claire asked for you and Dean both a couple of times, but she wasn’t upset about it or anything.”

“You should be with her,” Dean says to Cas, even though he doesn’t want him to leave.

“She’s fine for now. I am going to go home to put her to bed later, though, but then I’m coming back,” Castiel says.

He thinks about seeing Claire again himself and then has a thought. “Hey, uh, you think I’m gonna freak out Claire when she sees me?”

Castiel frowns. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I do think it’s a possibility.”

“I think so, too,” Mary agrees. “We know it’s you under there, but I don’t know if she will.”

“Yeah,” Dean says sadly. “Well, I guess I can always see her once my face has healed.” He attempts to hide how much the idea of not seeing Claire for a couple of weeks breaks his heart, but he knows it’s useless with Cas anyway.

“There’s no way that’s going to happen. She would miss you so much, and I know you don’t want to be away from her that long. We’ll have to figure something out,” Castiel says.

“It’ll be okay,” Dean lies.

“No, it won’t be. I would never let something like this happening to me keep her and I apart, and we shouldn’t do it to you, either,” Castiel argues.

“Yeah, but you’re her dad.”

“And you’re the next best thing,” Castiel insists. Dean feels his heart swell with pride and happiness from hearing Castiel say that about him.

“Hey, do you think pictures might help?” Sam suggests. “Take pictures of his hands, and show her the bandages on them. Then the cut on his head, then one of his lips, one of his eye patch...”

“Picture by picture. So she gets used to seeing one injury at a time. Then maybe it won’t overwhelm her to see it all at once,” Mary finishes. “I think that’s a great idea.”

“And honestly, Dean, even if she’s upset at first, she’ll get over it. I don’t mean to sound like a jerk, you know that, but once the swelling goes down, she’ll hear you talk normally and she’ll probably forget all about your face,” Sam says.

“Children are resilient,” Mary agrees.

“I think taking pictures is a great idea,” Castiel replies.

“Let’s do it,” Sam says, rubbing his hands together anxiously.

“Wait! He’s supposed to ice his face,” Castiel seems to remember suddenly. “I’ll go get you some ice, and then we’ll see if it looks better after that. It’s only midafternoon. If we keep icing it, maybe it will improve by the time I have to go home to put her to bed.”

Castiel hurries out of the room and Dean’s eyes linger at the door, pathetically already waiting for him to come back. There’s this _feeling_ in his stomach whenever Cas has left the room today and he doesn’t know what it is but he really, really doesn’t like it.

“Dean, honey?” his mom asks.

“Yeah?” he answers, looking over at her and seeing her standing there with a mushy look on her face. “Maaa,” he says tiredly, trying to cut her off before she even starts.

Her eyes harden and he knows he’s about to hear whatever it is she wants to say regardless of whether he wants to or not. His eyes meet Sam’s and he sees him failing at trying not to look amused at the inevitable chick flick moment that’s about to go down.

“Castiel said that he loves you. You love him, too, don’t you?” she asks softly.

Dean’s not ashamed of it, so he nods.

She places her hands on her heart and sighs dramatically. “My baby.”

“Oh my god,” Dean complains. “Can I get some more pain killers over here?” he calls towards the door.

Sam snickers. “If it makes you feel any better, she did the same thing to me. Don’t you remember her at my wedding?”

Dean laughs softly, remembering his mom being a blubbering mess all day long.

“You’ll both understand one day when you see somebody else fall in love with your child for the first time,” she says, wiping wetness away from her eyes.

“You should’ve seen mom and Castiel’s fight over you earlier,” Sam says, obviously amused.

“He might’ve mentioned somethin’ about that,” Dean grins.

“I was happy he was willing to fight for his place beside you. I wasn’t particularly happy I didn’t win the argument, but I didn’t know you were in love at the time. I’m more than willing to make space for him if you love him. I’m so happy for you, sweetie,” she says, leaning over to gently kiss the top of his head.

“You’ll always be my number one girl, ma,” Dean promises with a big cheesy grin.

She quirks a brow. “And here I thought a younger blonde had stolen my spot.” Dean’s face falls slightly as he considers that and she laughs. “I’m thrilled to have a little one around again! I’ll gladly take tied for first if you promise she’ll call me grandma someday.”

Dean is just about to agree when there’s a knock on the door. They all turn to see Jody standing there. “Hey Rocky, you ready to answer some questions for me?”

“Yeah, knew it was coming.”

“We’ll leave you guys to it,” Mary says. “Dean, honey, we’re going to head back to Castiel’s now that we know you’re okay. I know you’re in good hands here. I’ll help Jess with Claire, and if you need anything at all just let me know, okay?”

“I will. Thanks ma. See ya Sammy.”

“Try not to hit on any of the nurses with your face like that. You’ll probably scare them away and have to check yourself out in the morning,” Sam answers and Dean gives him the finger, earning himself a glare from his mom and a laugh from Jody.

“You doin’ okay, kid?” Jody asks as she looks him over.

“Drugs are a beautiful thing,” Dean answers.

“You’re talking to a cop, remember? Watch yourself,” Jody says, smiling so he knows she doesn’t mean it.

There’s another knock on the door and Castiel opens it timidly. “Sorry to interrupt. I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to be here or not, but I have the ice Dean needs for his face.”

“Not my call to make,” Jody says to Dean.

“He can stay,” Dean says quickly.

Castiel comes into the room and passes Dean the ice. “Fifteen minutes on, fifteen minutes off, and then repeat,” he tells him.

“You okay if I record this?” Jody asks, and Dean nods his consent before pressing the ice to his face with a hiss as it makes contact. “Alright let’s take it from the top. Tell me about the first time you met Arthur Ketch.”

Dean takes her through each run-in they’ve had with Ketch, and gives her a blow-by-blow account of the fight to the best of his knowledge. He isn’t happy about having to repeat the things Ketch said about Cas and Claire in front of Cas, and even though Castiel assured him it was fine, he saw the split second his eyes flashed with anger and the next moment when the anger turned to guilt that he knows Cas still feels for leaving Claire with Will.

He tells Jody how Ketch had to have been reading his text messages somehow and she promises to look into it and advises him not to talk about anything too personal via text message until she gets back to him. She explains that she’s already spoken with Garth, and combined with both statements, the security footage, the physical evidence, and the fact that this isn’t Arthur's first assault charge, that she’s hoping for at least five years of jail time for him.

Honestly, he wishes it was more, but five years of not having to deal with that psychopath is better than what he had this morning.

When his eyes start drooping closed without his permission she lets him know that she’ll be back if she needs anything else, and the next thing he’s aware of, Cas is combing through his hair with his fingers as he drifts off to sleep.

He’s woken up by a nurse coming to check on him, and after she stays back to supervise while Cas helps him hobble to the bathroom, she tells him dinner will be delivered within the hour and to get some more ice on his face in the meantime. When dinner comes, Dean and Castiel trade dual looks of horror between them after neither of them can identify what it’s even supposed to be, and Castiel heads down to the cafeteria and brings them both back something that actually resembles food. As the evening goes by, he watches the ball game on TV while Cas reads an e-book on his phone.

They’re both watching the clock, but Dean knows it’s for different reasons. Cas is probably anxious to get back to Claire, and he’s sitting here wondering why the idea of Cas leaving for a few hours is causing a giant pit of unease in his stomach.

It’s seven o’clock when Castiel scoots his chair closer to the bed and leans his head on Dean’s bicep. “I need to get going,” he says sadly.

Dean nods, knowing this was coming and still somehow feeling blindsided by the information.

“Yeah,” Dean answers, trying not to show how sad he is about it.

“Do you want me to call somebody else to come sit with you until I get back?” Castiel offers.

Dean shakes his head. He’s not that pathetic... right? “No, I’ll be okay by myself. Not like anything’s happening anyway.”

“I’ll be back as soon as I think she’s asleep,” Castiel promises.

“Give her a hug and a kiss for me.”

Castiel stands up to run his hand through Dean’s hair and kisses him gently. He takes a step back but Dean reaches for his hand and holds on for dear life, suddenly barely able to hold back tears. Castiel rests his forehead against his (carefully) and Dean can tell by the tension in his shoulders that he’s trying to keep it together too.

“I don’t want you to leave,” Dean confesses, his voice barely even loud enough to be a whisper.

“I don’t want to leave either,” Castiel says quietly back to him, and Dean feels the first tear slip from the corner of his eye.

He sniffles before he says, “This is stupid. I know you’re coming right back. It’s gotta be the drugs.”

“Yeah, me too,” Castiel teases, and Dean lets out some sort of unattractive hiccuping sound. “I love you so much.”

“I’m a mess,” Dean deflects, embarrassed by the tears that are still escaping.

“You’re entitled to be, and I still love you so much,” Castiel repeats.

“Love you too.”

“Maybe have another nap? And the nurse will bring you more ice for your face if you ring the call button. It’s already making such a huge difference,” Castiel tells him.

“Okay.”

“Text me if you need anything?” Castiel asks him.

“I will.”

“I won’t be long,” he promises again, and all Dean can do is nod when his throat closes up as he watches Castiel leave the room.

He gives into the urge to really cry once the door closes behind him, and just lets everything he’s felt since this morning spill out in the form of tears sliding down his face. He thinks about how scared he was when he realized there was a good chance he was gonna get really hurt. The paralyzing fear inside of him when he thought Ketch wasn’t going to stop until he was dead. How badly it hurt to hear Cas freaking out when he was in the ambulance, and the additional pain he felt hearing Claire crying so hard knowing there was nothing he could do. And that’s all without mentioning the physical pain he’s in.

He cries until he feels like he doesn’t have any tears left, and even then, his shoulders don’t stop shaking and he can’t seem to catch his breath. He realizes he feels kinda warm, and then he starts sweating as he’s suddenly blistering hot only seconds later. His heart is racing so hard in his chest it actually hurts and black starts dotting out his vision. He can’t breathe. Holy shit - he can’t breathe!

“Dean? Dean, look at me.” He hears out of nowhere. He can’t focus on the voice though. He can’t see! “You’re okay. Listen. Take a deep breath in. Come on, match my breathing, okay? In. Dean! In.” He manages to draw a tiny breath and it seems to clear some of the blackness in front of his eyes. “There you go. Now out. In again. That’s better, right? Keep breathing.”

His vision clears bit by bit until he sees the nurse standing in front of him who supervised Cas helping him get to the bathroom. He keeps matching her breathing until he feels like he isn’t drowning anymore.

“What - what the hell happened?” Dean croaks.

She smiles sadly at him. “Has that ever happened to you before?”

“No, never.”

“I’m going to call the doctor back to take a look at you. You’re feeling okay now?” Dean nods. “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

The second she leaves the room it feels like darkness descends right back down on him. He concentrates on his breathing, mimicking the way she was showing him, and manages to keep it together a little bit, although his heart is still racing and he feels his body break out in a sweat all over again.

He doesn’t know how long it is before the doctor comes back, but he feels almost immediately better once he’s there. He doesn’t have to work at breathing anymore, it just comes naturally the way it should.

“Hi Dean. The nurse tells me you had a bit of trouble earlier. Can you tell me what’s going on?”

Dean shakes his head. “I dunno, man. That’s never happened to me before.”

“What happened exactly?”

“Uh, well. Cas left, you know, to go home. And once I was alone I got this really bad feeling in my stomach, and it was kinda like everything that happened today hit me all at once. I was thinking about it all and, well, I was upset, you know,” he says, embarrassed to admit it out loud. “And then I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. And I got all hot and then there were, uh, black spots all over the damn place... and then the nurse came in.”

The doctor nods, scribbling away on the file in his hands. “How did you feel when the nurse left to come get me?”

Dean looks away. “Not good. But I handled it.”

“Have you felt like that every time you were alone today?”

He thinks back. “No. I mean, I didn’t like it whenever Cas had to leave but I didn’t lose it or whatever, and I was okay when I knew my family was right outside.”

“I’m not particularly surprised you’d feel anxious about being left alone after what happened to you this morning. It makes perfect sense, don’t you think?”

“Not really. Ketch is in jail. Not like he’s gonna hurt me again. And it’s not like I can’t take care of myself,” Dean points out.

The doctor looks at him skeptically. “Right now, you think you could fight again if you had to?”

Dean sighs sadly. “No, probably not.”

“So maybe it's a combination of not wanting to be left alone knowing that you can’t defend yourself if you needed to?” the doctor suggests. “I can see why that might make you feel a sense of panic.”

“Okay, but logically, I’m in a hospital, right? It’s not like anybody could just walk in here and start hurting me,” Dean says.

“Logic doesn’t always help this kind of thing, unfortunately.”

“This kind of thing?” Dean echoes.

“It sounds to me like you had a panic attack, which isn’t surprising at all for somebody who’s just dealt with everything you dealt with this morning. I imagine if I was assaulted as badly as you were that I would react the same way. It’s completely normal and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Yeah,” Dean says with a derisive snort. “You’re not the one who just went freakin’ hysterical because your boyfriend left.”

“I dealt with something similar with my wife, though. After she had our first child, she used to get extremely nervous about me leaving her home alone with the baby. She would start getting anxious about it hours before I would even leave because she was just so worried something would happen that she wouldn't know how to deal with by herself.”

“How, uh, how did it get better?” Dean asks him.

“Time,” he says simply. “Every day when I would leave for work and she was able to handle the day without me and without anything awful happening when she was on her own she felt a little bit better until eventually she started booting me out the door because I was ruining her routine by being home,” he says with a small smile.

Dean smiles back at him, feeling some of his nerves settle. “So you think it’ll be the same for me? I’ll freak out a bit every time Cas leaves until he comes back over and over and I forget to stop worryin’ about it?”

“I think it could happen, yes. What do you think?”

Dean shrugs. “You’re the doctor. If you think I’ll get over it, I guess I’m inclined to believe you.”

“Then yes. I think you’ll get better. It might never happen again. But if it does, I want you tell somebody. Don’t do the macho man thing and pretend you’re fine if you’re not,” he says with a knowing look.

“Cas probably told you to say that,” Dean mutters.

“He did, actually,” he says with a laugh. “But about the pain. Either way, you’re not the first young man I’ve had as a patient who thought he should be manly enough to deal with things he shouldn’t have to deal with at all. If this doesn’t get better, there are many different things we can try until it does.”

Dean nods. “Yeah, alright.”

“What time is your partner supposed to come back?”

“Boyfriend,” Dean corrects. “Partner makes it sounds like I’m a detective or something,” he says with a small laugh. “And uh, I dunno. 8:30 or so probably.”

“It’s already almost eight. So, do you think you can handle a half hour on your own, or would you feel better if I call somebody to come sit with you?”

Dean considers for a second or two. “I haven’t checked messages or anything on my phone yet. I can try that, see if maybe talkin’ to somebody helps even if they aren’t exactly here.”

“And if you start to feel like you can’t catch your breath?” Dean raises the call button and gives it a wiggle with a smile. “Perfect.” He starts walking towards the door and then stops and turns back. “I really think you’re going to be okay, Dean. If your visitors here today are any kind of indication of your home life, then you have a wonderful support system in place, and I know they’re going to help make sure you make a full recovery, mentally and physically.”

Dean nods. “Yeah, I’m pretty lucky,” he agrees, echoing the doctor's earlier words. “Thanks again.”

“I’m about to clock off for twelve hours, so I’ll see you in the morning for your discharge examination before you leave.”

Then he reaches the door and walks through and Dean’s left in the hospital room all alone, counting the minutes until Cas gets back.


	19. Chapter 19

With Castiel still gone, there’s undoubtedly that pit in the center of his stomach again, but knowing what’s causing it now helps him get a handle on it. He takes a couple of deep breaths, and once he feels like he’s got it at least slightly under control, he reaches for his phone on the table beside his bed and grunts as the pain in his ribs makes itself known again. If this is how he feels even with the pain killers in his system it’s really going to suck once he gets home.

He has messages from pretty much everybody he knows. Apparently the news traveled fast. He has short conversations with Charlie, Jo, and Benny, assuring them all that he’s fine and not to bother coming to visit since he’s getting out in the morning. He texts Jess to thank her for taking care of Claire today and to hear it directly from her that she had an okay day, and that’s when a message comes in from Cas letting him know he’s on his way back. He talks to his mom to pass the time, and when the door to his room swings open again it’s because Cas is back with a duffel bag thrown over his shoulder. Dean feels immediately better just looking at him. Castiel hurries over to his side and they wrap their arms around each other like it’s been weeks since they saw each other last instead of the hour and a half it’s really been.

“That’s so much better,” Dean says quietly, tears filling his eyes again. “God I’m pathetic.”

“I missed you, too,” Castiel says, then kisses him quickly on the lips. “I brought you pajamas to sleep in so you can get out of this hospital gown.”

“Holy shit, really?” Castiel beams at him and places the duffel bag on the bed beside him. “Am I allowed outta this?”

“I checked with a nurse before I left. We just have to wait for a nurse to get here to help with the IV, but we can at least get your pajama pants on for now.”

“I kinda have to take a leak anyway, so that works. Two birds with one stone or whatever,” Dean says.

“Alright, let’s get you up then.” Dean’s much steadier on his feet this time than he was the last time he got up. He can actually walk without Castiel’s support, though he doesn’t mind the arm Cas has slung around his waist anyway. “You seem a lot sturdier,” Castiel comments.

“Yeah. Everything from the waist up hurts when I move, but I can walk now. Might even be able to piss standing up this time,” he jokes and Castiel kisses him on the temple.

“I’ll wait out here. Let me know if you need a hand.” Dean snorts and Castiel starts laughing once he realizes what he said. “That’s not what I meant.”

“That’s why it was funny,” Dean says before he closes the door on him.

When he turns back around he sees himself in the mirror for the first time and he gasps before he can stop himself. Cas is through the door and by his side instantly, but Dean can’t tear his gaze from the mirror. He doesn’t even wanna know what his eye looks like under the patch, because his other eye is scary enough as it is. This isn’t the first black eye he’s ever had but it’s the first one that’s ever been this dark. His lips are so swollen they don’t even look like they belong to him, both of them split open and looking as painful as they feel, and his hair is still dark in places from blood. The stitches actually don’t look that bad on his forehead, and his cheeks aren’t as swollen on the outside as they feel on the inside, but his nose is _huge_ , his face is pretty puffy, and his multiple bruises are already every color of the rainbow and it’s only been twelve hours.

“It actually feels worse than it looks,” Dean says to Cas, prompting Castiel to make a sad little squeak behind him.

“That’s not what I wanted to hear,” he says quietly.

“I thought it’d look worse.”

“It did,” Castiel says with a sad smile. “The ice helped a lot.”

“I should do that again then.”

“Are you okay?” Castiel checks, running his hand up and down his back.

“Just a bit of a shock. But yeah, I’m okay.”

“I’ll be right outside,” Castiel says again, and Dean nods.

A few minutes later, he’s got his pajama pants on and is making his way back to his hospital bed. A different nurse comes in rolling a cot along with her, earning a smile from both Dean and Cas.

“Well, well, well. No wonder I was told to break hospital policy for you two,” she says with a laugh.

“You don’t know how much we both appreciate it,” Castiel says, standing to take over pushing the cot the rest of the way inside.

“I also brought ice, and I heard something about needing a hand with an IV?”

Dean explains that he wants to put a t-shirt on and she nods knowingly. She disconnects the IV tube from the bag and helps him wind it through the sleeve of the hospital gown, and then he pulls the gown off of himself.

“Holy shit,” he groans, looking at his torso for the first time. If he thought his face was colorful, it’s got nothing on his body. Everything from under his armpit down his side almost to his hip is a mess of purple bruises. On both sides, but worse on his left since Ketch is right handed and punched him more that way.

“I thought you said he couldn’t throw a punch!” Castiel says, clearly horrified.

“He couldn’t. If he could I’d probably be dead.”

“You definitely would have had a broken rib or two,” the nurse agrees.

“I... never thought I’d say this, but please put your shirt on,” Castiel says sadly, looking away from him. “I love you, but I can’t - I don’t want to see - ”

“Hey, it’s okay. I don’t wanna look at it either to be totally honest with you,” Dean agrees, reaching for his t-shirt and pulling it over his head. The nurse helps him with the sleeve again and then he’s hooked back up to the IV just like that.

“Ice,” the nurse says, handing it to him. “Any other panic attacks since the doctor left?”

“Panic attacks?” Castiel asks quickly, looking from the nurse to Dean.

“Uh, no. I’m good,” he says, answering the nurse without looking back at Castiel.

“Tell your boyfriend,” she says with a meaningful look and then she leaves again as quickly as she came.

Dean turns to Cas with a sheepish look. “I was gonna tell you,” he says honestly. “Just didn’t want to freak you out before we even said hi.”

Dean tells him what happened as truthfully as he can, even though his instincts are telling him to play it down more than a little. But thankfully, Cas being Cas just keeps looking at him like he hung the moon instead of like he’s dating the world's biggest freak show.

“You should’ve called me. I would have come back sooner. I would have -”

“No, you had to be with Claire,” he reminds him. “And it was only for a half hour once the doctor left and everything. I knew you’d be coming back soon. Seemed like the phone thing worked. Talkin’ to my friends even though they weren’t here.”

Castiel hangs his head in his hands. “I just don’t want you to be afraid. I understand why you are - I am, too, which is why I had such a hard time leaving. But I kept telling myself that you’d be pain free in a couple of weeks and then everything would be behind us and we’d have a chance to just be happy, you know? And now... I hate thinking that you might not be. You’ve already suffered so much because of me, and I just -”

“It’s not because of you. It’s because of _him_. You didn’t do this, he did,” Dean interrupts.

“I just love you so much,” Castiel says, looking right into his eyes. “You haven’t had an easy time since we’ve known each other, and all I want is for you to be happy.”

“C’mon, you know I’m the happiest I’ve ever been since I met you.”

“You’re having panic attacks!” Castiel argues.

“And that has nothing to do with you! I can be happy with my life and stupidly in love with you and still have a panic attack because I’m scared. It’s only this bad because I have so much to lose now,” he tries to explain. Castiel tilts his head in that way he does when he’s confused and Dean lifts his hand to his mouth to kiss it even though it hurts his lips. “I know you said you thought you were going to lose me when you saw me on the stretcher, and I guess when Mick told Ketch to stop and he didn’t... there was a minute or two where I thought he might not until it was too late, you know? And I guess the whole ‘life flashing before your eyes’ thing is real ‘cause I just sat there thinking about how I’d never see you smile at me again, and that I’d never get see Claire grow up...”

“Dean,” Cas breathes heavily, covering his hand with his.

“And I’m nowhere close to being done with you yet. It scares the shit outta me that I could get jumped again, or get in a car accident, or I dunno, shot at the damn mall or something and lose you and Claire now that I feel like I finally have what I always wanted. I mean, I was always afraid that I’d fuck up or you’d get tired of me -”

“Never going to happen,” Castiel insists.

“But I never thought I’d die and lose you forever.”

“And now you do?”

Dean shrugs. “Now I know what it feels like to think I might. And it’s really fucking scary,” he admits. Castiel gives him a small little pout that he’s never seen before, but it looks almost identical to Claire’s pout and he misses her so fiercely in this moment he can hardly breathe. “What’s that face for?” he asks Cas.

“I suppose I’m disappointed because I feel like this isn’t something I can fix.”

Dean gives him a half smile. “That’s where you’re wrong. I feel better right now than I did an hour ago, and it’s ‘cause a you bein’ here.”

“What happens when I leave though? I wish I didn’t have to, but I need to go to work tomorrow,” he says quietly.

Dean nods stoically, even though the thought makes his heart race little. “I know. Doctor thinks it might get a little better every time you leave and come back again, though.”

“Do you think that?” Castiel asks.

“I have no idea. Doc thinks so, so I figure he’s probably right.”

“Will you tell me if you have another panic attack?” Castiel asks.

“Yeah. S’long as you don’t think I’m crazy.”

Castiel rolls his eyes. “I knew you were crazy weeks ago, and I still love you.”

“Maybe you’re a little crazy too,” Dean teases him, hoping to lighten the mood a bit.

“Undoubtedly. I’m voluntarily sleeping on this tiny little cot when I could be at home in the bed that smells like you. And sex, I suppose, since I never did get around to washing the sheets.”

Dean can hardly wrap his head around that they had sex for the first time last night. It already feels like it’s been ages. “I can’t believe I got to have sex for the first time in six months yesterday and now I can’t even move again.”

Castiel laughs. “I guess we’ll be back to that _lay back and enjoy the ride_ thing again.”

Dean raises his brows, considering. “That could work for me.”

“As soon as you stop tasting like blood,” Castiel promises. “Let’s get this ice on your face before it melts anymore than it already has, okay?”

“Mmm,” Dean agrees as Cas presses it to his face for him. “You know, you’re the hottest nurse I’ve had all day.”

Castiel looks down at the ground, blushing a little, which is hilarious since they were literally just talking about Cas riding him. “You better not have flirted with the rest of them like you’re flirting with me.”

“Didn’t I just say I was afraid to die?” Castiel snorts and shakes his head at him, but he smiles and Dean will never get tired of seeing that. “I’m so glad you’re here with me.”

“Get used to it. I’m not going anywhere.”

Castiel holds the ice on his face for a half hour, one side at a time, and then he changes into his own pajamas and gets the cot set up. When he’s done, Dean lowers his bed down as far as he can so that it’s even with the cot, and the two of them can be close to each other even if they can’t sleep the way they usually do. Now that he’s horizontal again exhaustion hits him like a bus.

“Before you fall asleep on me I have a surprise for you,” Castiel says, smiling shyly at him. Dean looks down at his crotch and Castiel laughs. “You couldn’t be colder.” He reaches for his phone and hands it to Dean. “Camera roll.”

Dean opens it up and smiles when he sees a video waiting for him to play.

He clicks play and sees Claire sitting on Castiel’s lap with her pink bunny under her arm.

“Okay, Claire Bear, say, ‘Hi Dean!'"

“Dee!” Claire says, flopping her wrist up and down in her own version of a wave. “Dee!” _Please_ , she signs.

“Dean, please?” Castiel repeats.

 _Yes!_ Claire signs. _Please!_

“I know you miss Dean, baby. Dean misses you, too. Dean has big owies, but he’s going to be back to see you tomorrow. Is Claire going to give Dean a big hug?”

 _Yes!_ “Uh!”

“You want Dean to pick you up?”

 _Yes._ “Dee!”

“Can you blow him a kiss? Big kisses for Dean?”

Claire brings her hand to her lips and goes, “Mmmmah!”

Castiel kisses her on the cheek. “That was perfect. You love Dean, right, Claire?” _Yes._ “Dean loves you too. He’s going to kiss you first thing tomorrow, I promise. Say bye, Claire. Say bye to Dean.”

Her hand waves up and down and then the video ends.

Not surprisingly, tears are filling his eyes again. For the first time today though, they’re happy tears. “Thank you,” Dean whispers to Cas.

“Thought it might make you feel better,” Castiel explains. “It seemed to help Claire. She was whining for you once I got home. I think she expects us to be together now and it was worse when I was there and you weren’t.”

“I’m sorry. Didn’t wanna make her upset.”

“I know,” Cas says, pressing a kiss to his temple. “It’s not your fault. You’ll see her tomorrow,” Castiel reminds him, and Dean nods. “Ready for bed sweetheart?”

“Yeah. Dunno how I’m so tired since I slept so much already today.”

“Your body needs to heal. Let’s get some rest before the nurse comes in to wake you up again,” Castiel suggests.

“Do you think they’re gonna do that all night?” Dean asks, irritated by the thought.

“Not if they’re smart. You kept biting their heads off earlier when you were so doped up,” Castiel says with a laugh.

“I hate being woken up when I’m sleepy,” Dean explains.

“Anytime I’ve ever woken you up you were fine.”

“Yeah, well if the nurses were waking me up _like that_ then maybe I wouldn’t’ve been so grouchy,” Dean jokes.

Castiel just shakes his head at him. “I’m glad you’re feeling well enough to make terrible jokes again.”

Dean laughs as his eyes slip closed. “Shut up. I still remember that joke you made about magnets, you know.”

Castiel laughs as he lays himself down for bed beside Dean. He reaches over so that they’re holding hands. “That feels like a lifetime ago. I still feel pulled to you all the time. Until you, I never...”

But Dean doesn’t hear the end of that sentence because he’s sleeping before he finishes.

He wakes up twice with nightmares. The first time, he dreams that Ketch has him by the neck and is squeezing so hard he can’t breathe. He sees those black spots again and no matter what he does, he can’t break his grip. He comes back to himself when he notices a third hand Ketch doesn’t have brushing through his hair, and then he hears Castiel’s voice, “Dean, sweetheart, you’re having a nightmare. It’s alright. Wake up, sweetheart.”

His eyes blink open and Castiel is there, one hand in his hair, and one hand covering his. “Sorry,” he gasps, dragging in big breaths of air needily, still remembering vividly what it was like not being able to breathe in his dream.

“Are you okay?” Castiel asks him, worry evident in his eyes.

“Just a bad dream. I’m better now that I’m awake, with you.”

Castiel nods and lays back down, his fingers rubbing over the back of Dean’s hand, quickly lulling him back to sleep.

The second time he dreams that he’s up against the wall being beaten, but this time it isn’t Ketch doing it, it’s all of his exes. They’re all taking turns holding him down and punching him over and over, calling him a player, a man whore, a cock sucker again and again. Claire's watching from the grass, looking up at him with those big blue eyes, tears streaming down her face as she screams bloody murder. But he can’t move, and he can’t get to her, and no matter how hard he tries she just keeps screaming and he can’t help her.

This time he wakes before Castiel does, and it’s with a gasp of, “Claire!” on his lips.

That must be what wakes Cas, because he sits up repeating, “Claire?”

“Sorry,” Dean says quickly. “Another bad dream.”

“About Claire?” Castiel asks sleepily. Dean nods. “She’s safe, Dean. Your mom’s there with her, and we both know she would never let anything happen to her. You’re safe, I’m safe, we’re all safe now, okay?”

“I’m sorry,” Dean says again, tears coming to his eyes again, ashamed of his weaknesses coming out in nightmares when Cas is right beside him.

“Don’t worry about it. Do you need anything or do you think you can go back to sleep?” Castiel asks.

“Wish you could hold me,” Dean admits quietly.

“You and me both. Tomorrow. I won’t let you go all night, I promise,” Castiel says with a small smile. He scoots closer though, so that one hand rests on Dean’s cheek, and the other is on his hand. “Better?”

Dean nuzzles into his palm and nods. “Love you.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart.”

That time when he falls asleep, with the smell of honey drifting through his senses, he sleeps soundly.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean wakes up way too early Monday morning feeling stiff and sore. A nurse brings him breakfast, unbandages his hands, and unhooks his IV for him when he’s still blinking sleep from his eyes. He can’t quite hold in a chorus of “Ow, ow, ow,” as he hobbles to the bathroom to brush his teeth after he choked down some terrible oatmeal.

When he checks his face in the mirror he notices that it’s definitely less swollen than it was yesterday, but more colorful. He doesn’t look good, but he doesn’t think Claire’s going to burst into tears when she sees him, either. He and Castiel share a shower (Cas insists in case he needs help), and they both know he’s hurting something awful when he doesn’t even get hard being naked and wet with his boyfriend kissing his way across the bruises on his ribs. Doesn't mean it doesn’t feel nice, though, and his eyes start watering all over again when Cas starts whispering _I love you_ after each kiss.

Since he figured out pretty fast that lifting his arms up over his head makes the pain in his ribs scream, he covers his eye patch with his hand while Cas washes the blood out of his hair for him, quickly learning which parts of his head hurt based on the hisses of pain Dean lets out.

Once he’s dried off and dressed in sweatpants and his favorite hoodie (has he mentioned he loves Cas?) he feels like himself - although a version of himself that’s in a shitload of pain - more than he did all day yesterday.

The doctor comes in to give him a once over. He takes off his eye patch and declares his eye okay to go without, though he cautions him to call an eye doctor if he notices his eye feeling too tired or not keeping up with the other one. Dean gives him a confused look for that but the doctor assures him he’ll know what he means if it happens. He checks out his hands and gives him a prescription for ointment to apply to both his hands and his lips several times a day. He prescribes him painkillers to take when his ribs get really sore, and then after making him promise again to go see his regular doctor if he has more panic attacks, Dean’s discharged from the hospital.

A nurse pushes him in a wheelchair to the exit despite his grumbling, and then he and Cas get into Cas’s old man car and take off towards home. The doctor had already called in his prescriptions to the pharmacy, so Castiel stops to run through the drive-thru to pick them up, knowing that Dean won’t want to go inside and that he can’t get them for him since they’re narcotics. They make another stop for donuts and coffee and are home by 8:00AM. Dean takes the elevator to the second floor for the first time since he’s lived here, knowing damn well the steps would be his undoing.

As it is, by the time they walk through the front door to Castiel’s apartment, Dean feels like his entire body is throbbing with pain.

Claire is fully dressed with her shoes and coat on, and the second she looks over and sees both him and Cas there she shrieks, “DEE! DA!” and comes running over towards them. Mary hurries over to take the tray of coffee from Dean, and Castiel intervenes just in time to scoop Claire up as she makes a beeline for Dean, but she’s reaching for Dean almost right away. “Dee!” Claire says again.

He knows he can’t pick her up right now, so he goes over to give her a one armed hug and kisses the top of her head several times. “Hey, blondie. It’s so good to see you,” he tells her, backing up so he can see her face.

“Dee, uh!” Claire asks, reaching for him again.

“Hang on, okay?” He walks over to the recliner, already assuming it’ll be the best place for him to sit for the day, and catches his mom’s eye on the way. “Hey, ma.”

“Morning, sweetie. How are you feeling?”

“Was okay ‘til I had to walk here. Now I feel like I’m about to pass out,” he admits, adjusting the recliner so he’s laying back some. So much better. “The regular coffee’s for you,” he tells her, smiling at the way her eyes light up. His love of coffee may have come from her.

“Dee!” Claire says again, this time on a whine.

“Alright, bring her over,” Dean tells Cas.

Castiel walks over and places Claire on Dean’s lap gently. He sees Cas go for the box of donuts now that his arms are free and smiles to himself. Claire scoots forwards until she has to wrap her legs around his stomach and pillows her head on his chest, wrapped around him like a tiny koala bear. Dean’s thankful she can’t squeeze all that hard, because her arms land right on his ribs. He lifts his arms a little to hug her back and runs his hand through her tiny curls that are laying loosely today.

“Dean missed you, buddy. I missed you so much,” he says quietly enough that only she should be able to hear him.

“Dee,” Claire says happily, snuggling in even further. A split second later, she’s on her feet in his lap - just _barely_ missing squashing his junk with her foot - with her tiny hands framing his face. Her head is tilted to the side just how Cas does it when he’s confused and it's impossible not to lean forwards to give her a little kiss.

“Dee has some owies,” he explains. “But I’m okay.” She moves her hand to poke at where he knows his stitches are and he says, “Ow,” gently so she knows that hurts.

Her eyes go a little wide and then she leans in to kiss it with a, “Mmmmah!”

“Did you kiss Dean’s owie all better?” Castiel asks her around a bite of donut.

 _Yes!_ Claire answers.

“Thanks, buddy. Feels much better,” Dean lies. “I love you.” Claire leans in kiss him again and Dean figures that’s the only way she knows to say it back, and his heart swells at her thoughtful gesture.

“Well, I know this isn’t going to go over very well, but we need to go to daycare, Claire Bear.” Claire wiggles her way off of Dean’s lap until her feet hit the floor, then she reaches her hand up, waiting for Dean to take hers.

“Dean has to stay home today,” Dean tells her.

Claire blinks up at Dean, then turns towards her dad.

“Dean needs to go night-night,” Castiel tries to explain again.

Claire shakes her head vigorously in protest. “Dee!”

“Dean’s gonna be right here when you come back home, okay?” Dean promises her.

“We’re going to play with the water table and sing songs today, okay, Claire?” Mary says, crouching down to talk to her. Claire walks over to her and puts her hands up in the air until she picks her up. “Bentley wants to play cars with you, too.”

Claire’s spirits seem to pick up a bit from there. “Car!”

Castiel walks over and crouches next to Dean, resting his hand on his forearm. “I put the book you were reading on your bedside table in the bedroom. Your laptop is in there, your guitar, and your spare phone charger. There’s ice packs already in the freezer for your face, and you know where the food is if you get hungry.”

“We’re all taking turns coming to check on you at lunch this week,” his mom says. “Today is Sam, and he’ll bring you something to eat so you don’t have to get up and move around too much.”

“I plan on working through my lunches as much as I can this week so if you need me I can come right back, okay?” Castiel whispers. “And you can always call. Promise me you’ll call if you have - if you need me?”

Dean knows he almost said _have a panic attack_ but stopped because he doesn’t want his mom to know. Dean nods. “Promise. Thank you for taking such good care of me.”

Castiel leans in and kisses him gently. “I love you.”

“Love you,” Dean replies, and then Castiel stands up again.

Dean can already feel that bad feeling in the pit of his stomach and really hopes he manages not to embarrass himself today.

“Alright, let’s get going so I can drop you off before you’re late,” Mary says to Cas.

“Why are you dropping him off?” Dean asks, confused.

“I have to get your car today,” Castiel reminds him, and Dean just about falls out of his chair when he realizes he completely forgot about his Baby.

“I forgot all about that. So mom’s gonna just bring Claire to daycare with her?” Dean checks, and he gets nods from both his mom and Cas. “Thanks for helping, ma. You’ve been a life saver.”

“That’s my job,” she says, handing Claire to Cas and coming over to kiss him on the head. “Don’t be a hero, Dean. If you need something, call somebody and we’ll be here. Rest.”

“Believe me, I’m not gettin’ up unless I need to.”

“I’ll be home as soon as I can,” Castiel promises. “I’m locking the door behind me, too. Wave bye to Dean, Claire.”

Claire waves, and then his mom and Cas both walk out the door, leaving him alone in the apartment. He turns the TV to one of those annoying morning shows for background noise and grabs his coffee and a donut. He feels better being at Cas’s place alone than he felt at the hospital. Which doesn’t make a lot of sense logically, but Cas’s apartment feels a hell of a lot like home, and he feels safe here. There’s still some unease at being left alone, but he focuses on eating a couple of donuts and finishing his coffee instead of how he’s feeling.

He doesn't even last an hour before his eyelids start drooping closed even after his coffee, so he grabs the blanket off of the couch and leans the recliner all the way back and gives in to having a nap.

He wakes slowly. He’d probably go back to sleep if his bladder wasn’t begging to be emptied. As it is, it’s still several minutes before he can convince himself to get up. His ribs protest as he lowers the recliner and gets back into an actual sitting position. He gets to his feet cautiously and has to grit his teeth against the pain shooting through his torso as he hobbles his way to the bathroom. He grabs his book and some ice on the way back to the living room and gives himself a mental pat on the back for not freaking out about being alone. Sam’s gonna be here within the hour, then it’ll only be a few more hours until Cas and Claire are home with him for the night.

The rest of the day passes as quickly as he hoped it would. Sam’s the perfect distraction, and since Jess tweaked his schedule (and he’s kinda the boss), he stays the full hour instead of leaving in time to get back for one o’clock. He loves Cas, obviously, but there’s nothing quite like hanging out with Sam one-on-one. With Jess, then Bentley, and now Cas and Claire, the two of them rarely get to be just brothers without being interrupted by anything else and Dean never realizes how much he misses it until he has it again.

“We should make this a weekly thing,” he suggests as Sam is getting ready to go back to work.

“Lunch?” Sam asks.

“Yeah. Just us.”

“I’m in. With your face looking like a color-by-number you do good things to my ego,” Sam smirks.

Dean rolls his eyes, but when Sam leaves, he’s filled equally with fondness towards him and the feeling of his stomach being almost uncomfortably full from how much spaghetti he ate.

He reads some more, watches a couple of episodes of _Blue Bloods_ on Netflix while he ices his face again, and then naps one more time so he’s awake and able to help with Claire at least a little bit when they get home. Once he wakes up from his nap, he pops a painkiller for the first time all day and hopes it’s enough to get him through until bedtime, mostly because he knows Cas won’t like seeing him in pain.

It’s 4:45 when he hears Cas’s keys jingle in the doorknob, and his chest fills with warmth when both Cas and Claire hurry over to him.

This is happiness.

Castiel kisses him quickly, mindful of his lips, and Claire climbs onto his lap, not at all mindful of his injuries. He’s immediately thankful he took the pain killer.

“I missed you,” Castiel breathes, nuzzling into his neck. “I worried about you all day.”

“I was good,” Dean tells him, poking Claire in the belly and making her laugh. “Felt safe here.”

“I’m glad,” Castiel says with a big smile and another kiss to the bolt of his jaw. “Rice and teriyaki chicken okay for dinner?”

“That sounds great.”

“How are you feeling?” Castiel asks him.

“Honestly, I was pretty sore most of the day, but I toughed it out. Took a painkiller before you guys came home since I knew Claire was gonna be climbing all over me like a little monkey,” Dean says, tapping her on the nose.

“Ooh-ooh-ah-ah!” Claire says, doing her monkey impression.

“And what a cute little monkey she is,” Dean says, smiling at her.

“Dee!” Claire says, pointing at him.

“Dean’s a monkey?”

_Yes._

“Another cute little monkey,” Castiel corrects before standing up and kissing him on the top of the head. Dean feels like he’s glowing from all of the extra attention. “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.”

“Let me know if you need any help,” Dean offers.

“No. Your only job is to rest,” Castiel says forcefully. “Let me take care of you.”

Dean sighs, already knowing that he isn’t going to win this argument. “Feel like all you’ve been doin’ since we met is take care of me.”

“Get used to it,” Castiel says sassily over his shoulder.

God, he’s perfect.

“Dee car,” Claire says, as if she senses it’s her turn to talk now.

“Dean’s car?”

“Beebee. Dee car,” Claire repeats.

“Ohhh did you get to ride in Dean’s Baby today?” Claire claps her hands excitedly. “Better than daddy's old man car, right?”

“I heard that,” Castiel calls from the kitchen, and Dean sniggers.

“Beebee!” Claire exclaims, and he’s gonna take that as a yes. Just then, Claire pats him on the shoulder and points to the TV. “Claire wanna watch TV?” Dean repeats for her.

 _Please_ , Claire signs.

“Okay. Listen, I did some Netflix research today and found a show called Team UmiZoomi I think you might like.” She’s just blinking at him. “Wanna watch cars?” he asks her.

“Car?” Claire asks.

“Car TV,” he repeats, then selects the show. She looks at him with a mixture of disappointment and mistrust when she sees it’s not Elmo on TV, but she seems intrigued by the music, and within minutes she’s drawn into the show. Considering how sick he is of Elmo by now, Team UmiZoomi is a good change of pace for both of them. Claire gets stupidly excited by the UmiCar and Dean gives himself a pat on the back for knowing her well enough to know she’d like this.

Once dinner is ready they sit at the table to eat, and then Claire gets a bath and Dean gets back into his recliner, grateful for being able to rest again. Some time later, Claire comes out of the tub freshly scrubbed and in some footie pajamas, and after asking him several times to play trains with her and being told no, she settles for driving the trains up his legs and down his arms instead, amusing both him and Cas by how far she’ll go to make sure Dean plays, too. To nobody’s surprise, she sits on Dean’s lap to drink her milk before bed that night.

Dean pushes through the pain to participate in Claire’s bedtime routine, and as far as he’s concerned, everything is as good as it gets when he gets to kiss his favorite girl before bed again. Judging by how quickly Claire falls asleep, he’s thinking she probably feels the same.

He uses the bathroom since he’s already up, brushes his teeth, and then walks slowly into the bedroom to put on pajama pants before he collapses onto the bed.

It isn’t until he lands on a single pillow that he notices the usual mountain of pillows is missing. He looks up to see Castiel smiling at him from the doorway with so much love in his eyes Dean feels it settle inside of him.

“Figured you shouldn't have to fight with the ‘stupid fucking pillows’ tonight,” Castiel explains using air quotes.

“God I love you. Come here, honey,” Dean beckons him.

Castiel crawls into the bed beside him before he seems to hesitate. “I don’t know how to cuddle with you without hurting your ribs.”

Dean thinks it over for a minute. “Use those pillows to build your upper body up, then I can lay between your legs.”

Castiel quickly follows his instructions, and Dean crawls into the vee between his legs and lays face first on his strong chest. Castiel’s arms come around him and Dean feels himself relax for the first time all day.

“I missed being close to you like this,” Dean confesses.

“As did I. I didn’t anticipate it being so hard to sleep beside you last night but not actually with you. I felt a strange sense of loneliness all night.”

“Me, too. And tonight when I couldn’t sit beside you on the couch, too.”

“It’s a good thing I promised to hold you all night,” Castiel says, and though Dean can’t see his face, he knows he’s smiling. They sit in a comfortable silence, just enjoying being close to each other for a little while before Dean ends the quiet.

“You must be exhausted after being awake with me last night and working all day today,” Dean comments.

“I’m a single parent. I’m used to operating on very little sleep. I was happy to be there for you last night, and I will be again tonight if you need me.”

“You know, _single_ parent is kinda rubbing me the wrong way,” Dean admits.

“Hmm yes, I suppose I can’t say that anymore since I have so much help from you.”

Dean frowns. “No, I just meant the single part.”

“Single parent means somebody raising a child alone.”

“Oh,” Dean laughs, embarrassed.

“I still don’t think I can say that anymore. I have so much help now. Not only from you, but from your family, too.”

“Everybody loves you guys.”

“Because you love us,” Castiel says.

“Hmm yeah, sure. But they’d still love you now even if I didn’t.”

There’s another short silence which is broken by Castiel this time. “No panic attacks today?”

“Nope. I would’ve told you. I felt safe here all day, but even better once you got home, though.”

“Well, you’re free to stay for as long as you want,” Castiel offers.

“Kinda weird that I didn’t even consider going to my apartment this morning when we got here,” Dean realizes for the first time. “I just invited myself to stay the day. Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“I already had all of your stuff here waiting for you, remember? Come to think of it, I suppose I assumed you were staying here without even asking you. If anybody should apologize, it should be me.”

Dean shakes his head. “I wanted to be here.”

“And I wanted you to be here. I mean it when I say you can stay. I think I’d be quite happy if I never slept in this bed alone again,” Castiel says quietly.

Dean’s heart is hammering wildly in his chest. “Are you... I mean... you’re not asking me to move in, are you?”

Castiel’s hands still from the pattern they were tracing lightly on his back. “Kind of?” Castiel says in a question. “I want you here every day if you want to be here, and I don’t want you to leave to go back to your apartment unless you want to.” Dean’s heart soars at the thought of every night spent just like this. No more lonely nights in his own bed with a wall separating them, wondering why they can’t just be together like they want to be. “But at the same time, I don’t think I’m ready for you to give up your apartment.”

“Huh,” Dean says, not really sure what to make of that.

“I know it probably sounds silly. I feel ready to have you here all the time, but I don’t feel quite ready to say we’re living together... even though I don’t really know what the difference is,” he admits with a small laugh.

“Doesn’t matter. If you want me here every night, I’ll be here. My apartment can collect dust for all I care.”

“You don’t think it’s a pointless distinction?” Castiel asks.

“Nah. I think you’ve been hurt by douchebags in the past, and you have more than just yourself to worry about, so if it makes you feel better to have me here all the time and not say we’re living together, then it’s not pointless. I get what I want anyway, which is being here for you and for Claire as much as possible." He waits a beat before he jokes, "Besides, I’m pretty sure we decided to take things slow."

Castiel laughs, and Dean knows it’s because despite their best intentions, nothing between them moved slowly at all.

“That went out the window rather quickly, didn’t it?” Castiel says, obviously amused.

Dean shrugs. “No idea what you’re talking about,” he disagrees, and Castiel laughs beneath him.

“Do you want to watch _Friends_ for a bit, or are you too tired?” Castiel asks.

“I think I’ve got a couple in me. I have to roll over though. I don’t wanna.”

“I believe in you,” Castiel teases and Dean grins into his t-shirt.

Dean rolls over with a grunt and falls back onto his single pillow. Cas reaches for a couple of pillows off the floor so he can get Dean propped up the way he is and then turns on Netflix. Cas lifts his arm so he can wrap it around him, and Dean snuggles in eagerly, slotting one leg over Castiel’s to have as much physical contact as possible. They don’t even make it all the way through two episodes. Dean starts to doze, Castiel notices, and then the pillows are swept away again and Dean’s back to being flat on his back with the lights turned out.

He’s surprised, but not displeased, when Castiel straddles his waist and kisses him gently several times. He trails kisses down his face, across the line of his jaw, and to his neck. Even though it’s his lips on his skin, it isn’t sexual. It’s intimate and heartwarming, and he would swear he can feel his worries float away with every single kiss. Cas pushes his shirt up and kisses every bruise he can see in the relative dark of the bedroom, telling him over and over how much he loves him and how he never wants to let him go. By the time he’s finished kissing his way across both of Dean’s sides, he’s basically a puddle of mush, and he falls asleep with Castiel’s lips still on his neck.

He only wakes up once from a nightmare that night, and though Castiel doesn’t wake with him this time (probably because of how exhausted he is), his body pressed against Dean’s and the ever-present scent of honey calms him enough that he’s able to fall back asleep on his own.

 

* * *

 

 

As the days pass, his nightmares continue. He’s able to keep his panic attacks under control whenever he feels that bad feeling inside of him by breathing and counting down the minutes until he isn’t alone anymore, and he’s beginning to be hopeful that the experience in the hospital was just a one time thing. If only the nightmares would stop as easily...

By the time the weekend comes around again, his face is back to it’s normal size, and his lips don’t hurt anymore. He and Cas spend Claire’s morning nap on Saturday making out like they used to and Castiel has him lay flat on his back on the couch while he holds him down and uses his mouth to coax the first orgasm out of him in a week. Dean doesn’t complain in the least when Castiel straddles his face and fucks into his mouth until he comes hard down his throat without Dean ever having to move a muscle (other than his tongue). He’d been feeling horny and restless for a week without being able to do anything about it since his ribs still hurt enough to make him not want to move if he could help it, and now that he and Cas finally got off together again, he feels more relaxed than he has all week.

“God I needed that,” Castiel admits as he collapses bonelessly onto Dean.

Dean feels worry burrow into his stomach when he realizes that he probably isn’t satisfying Cas right now. “I’m sorry I’m all fucked up again and we can’t have a normal sex life,” Dean says. He’s pouting about it and he knows Castiel can tell.

“You’re recovering from a major injury. I don’t hold it against you,” Castiel promises with a kiss to his skin.

“But you want more than what I can give you right now.”

“If you’re saying I want to have sex again, you’re right, I do. But I can wait,” Castiel assures him.

“I just don’t like thinking I’m not cutting it for you,” Dean tries to explain.

“Please try not to stress about this. You’re doing so much better already and it’s only been a week. I’m sure by this time next week things will be even better.”

And it turns out he’s right. It’s the next Saturday night after Claire is asleep when Cas asks him to meet him in the bedroom. Dean lays on the bed for a long time waiting for Cas, who finally comes in looking rather flushed and obviously hard. Dean finds out a very short time later why when Castiel strokes him to full hardness and then sinks down onto his cock and rides him slowly (and carefully) until they come almost simultaneously with their fingers linked and pressing into the mattress.

“That’ll definitely be spank bank material for as long as I live,” Dean says after Castiel has cleaned them both up.

“I’ve never even done that before,” Castiel confesses.

“Well you’re a fuckin’ natural then. Never seen anything so hot in my whole damn life.”

Castiel flushes but replies, “You were just crazed with your need for sex.”

“Nah, more likely it was love.”

Castiel pushes up to his elbows and Dean can already see the joke in his eyes. “You’re cornier than I thought you would be.”

“I love you more than I thought I would,” Dean explains simply, and though Castiel snorts because yeah, that was just as corny, he also sees that softness in his eyes he only ever has for Dean.

He sleeps that night without nightmares for the first time since he was assaulted.

 

* * *

 

 

The weeks pass uneventfully for the most part. Ketch ends up getting sentenced to five years for assault, and another three years gets tacked onto that for hacking and cyber stalking. He doesn’t know who’s more relieved - him or Cas. Despite Dean being home alone again while he has time off for his injury, it isn't as bad as last time since he’s allowed to watch TV, and he picks up his guitar for the first time since he broke his finger two months ago. It doesn’t surprise him in the least when he starts searching through love songs to find the perfect song to finally serenade Castiel with, but to his dismay, nothing really _fits_.

He struggles more than he thought he would when the following week comes along and it’s finally time to leave the apartment on his own for the first time. He feels jumpy, like anybody could come out of nowhere and hurt him. He’s supposed to go back to work today for one of two shifts this week, and he was going to bring Claire with him to save Cas the drive, but by the time he gets to the parking lot he’s so jumpy that he doesn’t trust himself behind the wheel. He’s beyond mortified when he has to bring Claire back into the apartment and tell Cas he can’t drive Claire to daycare. Instead, Cas drives them both with his eyebrows pinched together with worry and Dean so embarrassed beside him he wishes he could disappear into the seat.

For his second shift a few days later, they agree that Cas will follow Dean to work so he can get used to driving on his own again without being totally alone, and Cas promises to meet him in the parking lot when he gets home. That works for a while, and by the time it’s been four weeks since the assault and two weeks back at work part time, Dean drives himself and Claire to work without Cas following him and feels mostly okay with it.

It’s one day at work while he’s daydreaming on his lunch when the idea comes to him. If there’s no songs already written that work for him and Cas, maybe he can try his hand at writing one on his own. By the time the first week of June comes around, all of his injuries are completely healed, aside from a little tenderness at his ribs when he pokes them. Best of all, he’s finished up the song for Castiel, and it’s somehow developed into a whole thing in his mind, and he’s both nervous and excited to put it all together.

In order to do it the way he wants to, he has his mom come by to watch Claire for them for the evening. Amazingly, for the first time ever, Castiel feels comfortable with Mary putting her down for the night. So Dean not only gets a date night, he gets one before 8:30.

He decides to make a whole night of it. He tells Castiel to get all dressed up and takes him out to a fancy restaurant with real cloth napkins and overpriced tiny portions of delicious food that’s spread over several hours. They each have a glass of wine, and though it’s a little stuffy for Dean’s taste, he does enjoy the company and the way Castiel gives him those heart eyes all night long.

He knows he completely throws Castiel off when he brings them to a Glow-In-The-Dark Mini Putt after their dinner. Castiel’s confusion quickly turns into amusement, and Dean gets to see one of his favorite sides of Cas when he starts acting silly. The two of them spend the next hour and a half alternating between trash talking each other, trying to cheat without getting caught, and making out in every dark corner they can find. They get funny looks from just about everybody they pass for the way they're dressed, but they’re having so much fun neither of them cares in the least.

He catches Cas off guard for a second time when he gets his keys out and walks past Cas’s apartment to unlock the door to his apartment instead of Castiel’s. He turns around to face him and says, “I know this is throwin’ you off a little, but can you give me two minutes before you come in?”

Castiel frowns, but nods, and Dean hurries inside to light the candles he set out earlier. It hasn’t even been two minutes when he opens the door for Castiel to walk through.

Castiel stops halfway through the doorway with a tiny gasp as he takes in the living room completely lit by candlelight.

“I don’t know what I thought you were doing, but I didn’t think it was this,” Castiel says with a shy smile on his face. “It’s beautiful, Dean. Nobody’s ever done anything so nice for me.”

“Well, just hang on with the praise there, honey, ‘cause I have one more surprise for you.”

Dean grabs his guitar from the stand in the corner and shoots Cas a nervous smile as he slips the strap over his shoulder.

One of those great big, toothy smiles spreads across Castiel’s face. “You’re finally going to serenade me? And here I thought I didn’t rate.”

Dean strums the guitar softly, quickly making sure it’s still in tune. He urges Cas to take a seat on the couch in front of him, “Not only do you rate, you get the first ever Dean Winchester original work.” Castiel tilts his head in confusion, causing love and affection to explode through Dean’s chest. “I kinda wrote you a song.” Castiel’s jaw drops before another smile takes its place. “And uh, just putting this out there so there’s no sense of panic or anything after the fancy dinner, all the candles and the song and shit... there’s no ring coming at the end of this,” Dean says awkwardly.

Castiel chuckles. “I admit I was wondering nervously at the setup, and that takes some of the pressure off. Thank you.”

“Don’t ask me how I’m gonna top this when the time comes, but we’ll worry about that after I woo the pants off of ya tonight. Hopefully literally,” Dean adds with a wink. “So uh, this all started ‘cause I was Googling love songs, you know, trying to come up with a good one I could play for you. But no matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t find one that really fit. I started thinking about all the corny things we’ve said to each other over the last couple of months, and once I started writing them down, I realized it kinda made a love song all on its own. So that’s where all this mushy stuff comes from. Um, the first verse kinda makes me think of both you and Claire, by the way. Anyway, I should stop babbling and just play it. I, uh, really hope you like it, ‘cause I kinda feel like this is us.”

“I already love it,” Castiel promises and Dean feels some of his nerves settle.

"Probably pretty obvious, but it's called _Start of Something Good_. Alright, here we go, then,” Dean says with a nod. 

His fingers start moving and he plays the opening chords to the song easily enough, and after a few lines of the intro, he starts to sing:

 

 

_"You never know when you're gonna meet someone,_  
_And your whole wide world, in a moment, comes undone._  
_You're just walking around then suddenly,_  
_Everything that you thought that you knew about love is gone._  
_You find out it's all been wrong._

_And all my scars don't seem to matter anymore,_  
_'Cause they led me here to you._

_I know that it's gonna take some time._  
_I've got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind,_  
_That this might end up like it should._  
_And I'm gonna say what I need to say,_  
_And hope to God that it don't scare you away._  
_Don't want to be misunderstood,_  
_But I'm starting to believe that,_  
_This could be the start of something good._

 

_Everyone knows life has its ups and downs._  
_One day you're on top of the world,_  
_Then one day you're the clown._  
_Well, I've been both enough to know,_  
_That you don't wanna get in the way when it's working out._  
_The way that it is right now._

_You see my heart, I wear it on my sleeve,_  
_'Cause I just can't hide it anymore._

_I know that it's gonna take some time._  
_I've got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind,_  
_That this might end up like it should._  
_And I'm gonna say what I need to say,_  
_And hope to God that it don't scare you away._  
_I don't want to be misunderstood,_  
_But I'm starting to believe that,_  
_This could be the start..._

_'Cause I don't know where it's going._  
_There's a part of me that loves not knowing._  
_Just don't let it end before we begin..._

_You never know when you're gonna meet someone,_  
_And your whole wide world in a moment comes undone._

_I know that it's gonna take some time._  
_I've got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind,_  
_That this might end up like it should._  
_And I'm gonna say what I need to say,_  
_And hope to God that it don't scare you away._  
_I don't want to be misunderstood,_  
_But I'm starting to believe..._  
_Oh, I'm starting to believe..._  
_That yeah, this could be the start of something good."_

The very second his fingers stop moving over the strings, Castiel is off of the couch and wrapping his arms around him awkwardly with the guitar between them. He huffs out a bit of a laugh and says, “Okay, okay, hang on a second,” and unwinds him enough so he can put his guitar down, then wraps his arms around him again.

Cas pulls back so that both of his hands hold Dean’s face, forcing eye contact even as tears stream down his face. “Dean... there aren’t even words. I don’t know what to say.”

“Good speechless, though, right? Not like, the kinda speechless everybody was once Ross ‘found his sound’?”

Castiel lets out an undignified sound that's a mixture between a sob and a laugh. “Nothing like that. Definitely good speechless. I kept remembering the times we said some of those words to each other, and the fact that you remembered and wrote them into such a beautiful song is just... I can’t believe how talented you are, Dean! Truly. I loved it.”

“Woulda been awkward if you didn’t,” he says with a small laugh. He steers Castiel back to the couch and they sit side by side. “I kinda have one other surprise for you, but there’s no pressure or anything, okay?" Dean waits for Cas to nod his understanding before he keeps going. "My mom’s willing to stay the night with Claire tonight if you’re comfortable with it. She even has tentative plans to take Claire to McDonald’s for breakfast in the morning and play with Bentley in the playroom if we want to sleep in together.” Seeing nerves flash in Castiel’s eyes, Dean continues. “I figured since she’s really just next door anyway, and you’ve already done it once when I was in the hospital it might not be that big of a deal. I stashed clothes here for us already, but if you decide you just wanna go back next door, you know I’m just as okay with that.”

Castiel is chewing on his bottom lip the way he really only does when he’s nervous about something, and Dean just waits him out.

A few minutes later Cas says, “There’s really only one problem I see with this.”

“Okay,” Dean says with a nod. “Whatever it is, we can work it out.”

Castiel smiles. “Do you think we can be quiet enough so that your mom doesn’t hear us through the wall?”

Dean’s grin spreads quickly. “You’re really okay with this?”

“Not initially, but once I thought it through, you’re right. Claire is right next door. And she’s so used to waking up to your mom at daycare that if she did wake up at all, I think she would be okay with it. And if she isn’t, we would hear her.”

“I can vouch for that. When Claire gets riled up, it’s like she’s in my bedroom,” Dean promises him.

“I also think McDonald’s and Bentley will be enough of a bribe to get her excited to go out in the morning without giving us another thought,” Castiel adds.

“My mom thought so, too.”

“I don’t think you know how much I appreciate you, Dean,” Castiel says earnestly.

“I think I do, ‘cause I feel the same way about you.”

“You always take such good care of me. You somehow manage to urge me outside of my comfort zone just enough to make me sweat, but not so far that I feel pushed into doing anything I don’t want to do. I knew without a shred of doubt that if I said I wanted to go back to my place you’d go without a complaint, and you’d never make me feel bad about it.”

“Kinda like how you help me when I’m still a bit of a mess over the whole Ketch thing,” Dean suggests.

“I suppose we make a good team,” Castiel says with a smile, laying his head on Dean’s shoulder.

“Hey, Cas?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you ever think about how if this keeps working out, that we’ll be old and gray, looking back at nights like this and thinking about how it all started?” Dean asks.

“With a knock on my door from the grouchy, unfairly attractive neighbor?” Castiel asks, his smile heard in his voice.

“One look at the two of you lookin’ up at me with those big blue eyes, and I was toast,” Dean remembers fondly.

“Hmm I see how the story has already changed over the last couple of months. If I recall correctly, it was my sex hair and bare chest that actually had your immediate attention.”

Dean chuckles. “You ain't wrong. I thought you didn’t like me mentioning the sex hair thing, though.”

“I’m coming around to it. Sex hair always has such good memories for me now,” Castiel says.

“Good to know. But I think our _how we met_ story sounds better if we leave out the sex hair and talk about the matching blue eyes you and Claire have.”

“And how she said your name right off the bat,” Castiel comments. “And fell asleep on your chest and refused to let you go. We can definitely attest our getting together to the matchmaking prowess of my one year old daughter.”

“I hope one day when she’s older that embarrasses the shit outta her,” Dean says with a laugh. “I can’t wait to tell stories about how she clung to me and wouldn’t let me go because she thought I was so pretty.”

“You know, thinking about the whole _if this keeps working out_ thing, Claire will never remember you not being a part of her life. She won’t have any memories of a time before you. To her, you’ll be her dad as much as I am.” Dean starts to protest but Castiel squeezes his hand. “That’s what I want. I want her to have two dads who love her and who she loves equally, and I want you to be the other one. Some day," he adds somewhat lamely.

With the candles flickering around them, and Cas leaning against his shoulder, he thinks about that. He thinks about what Claire might call him. Would they both be dad? How would they know which one she’s talking to? Nah, Cas always has been and always will be dad. So what’s he gonna be? Does he get to pick? Maybe Claire will pick just like she started calling him Dee. He likes that idea.

He likes the idea of him being there for her speech therapy appointments. Through potty training and her first day of school. He can already see himself tearing up as she walks onto the school bus for the first time. Beaming at her first report card - ‘cause there’s no way she won’t be smart with Cas as her dad. He thinks about adopting Claire, making her his legally someday. Either adopting or finding a surrogate for another baby. Maybe holding a brand new baby straight outta the oven that came from him or Cas - either would be fine - and being so exhausted from staying up all night with a baby that he can’t see straight, but still being so fucking happy inside he’d feel like he could burst.

And Cas. God. Forever with Cas. Every day forever. He already knows he wants it, he just has to wait until the time is right. Cas didn’t seem totally freaked out by the idea of Dean having a ring tonight, though there was obviously relief when he took that off the table. Maybe Cas would want to live together for a while first. Yeah, he’ll probably wanna be really sure he’s not gonna bail when shit gets tough. Though maybe a ring could help with that. Maybe they could get engaged quickly but have a long engagement?

All he knows for damn sure is he wants his ring on Cas’s finger. Forever. He wants another twenty thousand nights with Castiel sitting beside him on the couch with his head on his shoulder, and their kids sleeping down the hall.

“I seem to have lost you,” Castiel says out of nowhere, bringing Dean back to the present.

Dean kisses him on the temple. “Sorry, daydreaming.”

“What were you thinking about?” Castiel asks.

“You. Claire. How perfect this is. How I don’t want it to ever end.”

“You don’t need to worry about that. You just sang me a whole song about how this is the _start_ of something good, not the end,” Castiel reminds him.

“Do you think it can just be that easy?” Dean asks.

Castiel chuckles. “I’m counting on it. We’ve already had our fair share of hardship, don’t you think?”

Dean groans dramatically. “You just jinxed it! What the hell, Cas!”

“In that case, let’s move this to the bedroom before you wind up injured again and I have to go back to jerking off in the shower every morning.”

Dean snorts with laughter but gets to his feet and reaches out a hand to pull Cas up with him. “You literally couldn’t be more perfect, you know that?”

Castiel smiles and starts kissing his neck. “Take me to your bed, Dean.”

And he does.

 

* * *

 

It’s three o’clock.

In the morning.

It’s three o’clock in the morning and Dean Winchester is wide awake.

Most of the time, if he’s awake at three in the morning it’s because he had another nightmare. Occasionally, he’s awake at three o’clock in the morning because Claire woke up. Rarely, he’s been woken up by Castiel rolling him into a better position for cuddling. Even more occasionally, he wakes up around three o’clock in the morning to take a leak.

But never in his wildest dreams did he think he would be wide awake at three o’clock in the morning because he can’t stop worrying about his boyfriend’s daughter... who’s only a wall away.

He finally gives in and shakes Castiel awake. “Cas. _Cas,_ wake up!”

Castiel wakes quickly, sitting up in a panic. “What’s wrong? Nightmare? Claire?” he asks groggily, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“No. Well. I dunno. That’s the thing. I can’t sleep without knowing if she’s asleep too!”

Castiel flops back onto the bed irritably. “Do you hear Claire screaming?” Dean doesn’t answer, choosing to listen carefully in case she is and maybe his mom didn’t hear her because she’s not used to kids waking her up anymore... “No, Dean. You don’t. You said yourself you’d hear her if she was crying. She’s asleep. Now go back to bed.”

“But Cas, what if -”

“So help me God, if you finish that sentence and make me start worrying about her too I’m having sleepy morning sex _with myself_ tomorrow,” he threatens him.

Dean perks up at that. “Morning sex?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Kinda gave up on ever having that with you,” Dean admits, but he lays back down and wraps himself around Cas.

“Wake me up again and you won’t,” Castiel says, but he pulls his arm to his chest and kisses his hand. “You are very sweet, and I love you very much, but please stop worrying and go back to sleep, sweetheart. We have the rest of our lives to worry about Claire, but only tonight for the foreseeable future to sleep naked and without interruptions. Let’s enjoy it, okay?”

 _The rest of our lives_ came outta Cas’s mouth pretty easily there, and that’s what is responsible for the smile on his face and the way he melts against the man he loves. He starts to drift off again while he thinks about how he could possibly propose in a more romantic way than how he serenaded Cas tonight...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't already know, the song and lyrics included here are by Daughtry. The song is actually called _Start of Something Good_ and it was the inspiration for this entire fic.
> 
> This is the first time I've ever updated using a schedule, and I am pleased to say I never missed a single week! I can't give enough thanks to Becky for being my amazing beta, and Sophia for going through everything and making sure there were no typos.
> 
> Thanks to all of you for sticking around week after week, leaving me encouraging comments and pushing me to keep writing. 
> 
> Thank you for loving this little family as much as I do, and don't worry - this isn't the end. Claire has a lot of growing up to do that I hope the rest of you want to see as much as I want to write it. And I need to know how Dean finally gets a ring on Cas's finger, and I'm _dying_ to hear Claire call Dean dad for the first time. So, there's more coming. A series of time stamps will be added in a second part to this story. I already have a couple written!
> 
> Make sure to either subscribe to me as a writer so you get an e-mail when I start posting them, or follow me on Twitter for updates [here!](https://twitter.com/tricia_16_)
> 
> Thanks again for everything. I truly have the best readers in the world and I wouldn't be me if it wasn't for you <3


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